Also rusty: Multiplication tables.
Confession Session - LOCK THIS THREAD
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I can't whistle, never tried to learn though. shrugs
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I'm diagnosed dyspraxic with certain other autistic spectrum traits - though 'dyspraxia' is a difficult definition as it used to be called 'NVLD' in the US and is now just treated as one rough pattern in the autistic spectrum. Gives me a hell of a lot of quirks. My organisational ability is shot to hell because of it all though which perhaps explains why I'm here so often…or why I forgot to eat dinner this evening because I was looking at a map of Beijing... >_>
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@Print:
I'm diagnosed dyspraxic with certain other autistic spectrum traits - though 'dyspraxia' is a difficult definition as it used to be called 'NVLD' in the US and is now just treated as one rough pattern in the autistic spectrum. Gives me a hell of a lot of quirks. My organisational ability is shot to hell because of it all though which perhaps explains why I'm here so often…or why I forgot to eat dinner this evening because I was looking at a map of Beijing... >_>
Oh no, not that shit again, you march to the kitchen and EAT RIGHT NOW MISSY!
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I'm also not very good at tying laces and also can't whistle! I think we have the makings of a landmark correlation study here
–- Update From New Post Merge ---
I eat fourth and fifth meals instead of looking at maps of Beijing, though.
heretic
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I remember when I was a kid and never felt like eating.
Now I eat so much, especially when it's home food. I devour that like there's no tomorrow.
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luffyreaction O_O
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How will we survive The Blackout
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I remember I was a FAT kid. Like…a big chubby child. And such a depressing state persisted until my early high school. However, thanks to the magic of Bronchitis, depression, anxiety, exercise, and overall self-loathing, I lost more than 50 pounds within a span of a few weeks. You too can lose weight like me this way!
PS: I also cut a lot of lines on my arms but the missing skin and blood was probably negligible to my weight loss.
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I remember I was a FAT kid. Like…a big chubby child. And such a depressing state persisted until my early high school. However, thanks to the magic of Bronchitis, depression, anxiety, exercise, and overall self-loathing, I lost more than 50 pounds within a span of a few weeks. You too can lose weight like me this way!
PS: I also cut a lot of lines on my arms but the missing skin and blood was probably negligible to my weight loss.
Gyp, I never got weight loss when I was suicidally depressed
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Gyp, I never got weight loss when I was suicidally depressed
After the Roma discussion, I think that I just realized where the term "gyp" comes from.
And also, I have always been very very skinny, and I've noticed that I lose weight when I'm too depressed to function. But not anymore! I'm going to try and gain weight by making an effort to eat at least three "meals" and a special smoothie every day!
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After the Roma discussion, I think that I just realized where the term "gyp" comes from.
And also, I have always been very very skinny, and I've noticed that I lose weight when I'm too depressed to function. But not anymore! I'm going to try and gain weight by making an effort to eat at least three "meals" and a special smoothie every day!
Fuck yeah, eating is tops
You should challenge yourself with a special recipe every other day
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After the Roma discussion, I think that I just realized where the term "gyp" comes from.
And also, I have always been very very skinny, and I've noticed that I lose weight when I'm too depressed to function. But not anymore! I'm going to try and gain weight by making an effort to eat at least three "meals" and a special smoothie every day!
I'm so happy to hear this :D I hope your efforts go well!
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I'm so happy to hear this :D I hope your efforts go well!
Yes, I actually felt full today, because I ate my smoothie kind of late, and then I had to eat my pizza. Forgot what that feeling felt like, LOL.
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I was planning to cook some salmon last night but discovered that my apparently superpowerful freezer rendered it into a block of ice. So that was the perfect excuse to eat a bag of aged white cheddar popcorn instead.
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It is like, now that I have started eating, I actually get hungry. xD
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We seem to be talking about cooking, so I tried making some of Gordon Ramsay's tequila shrimp from his book Fast Food. Without the tequila 'cause that's too expensive. So I just did all the other stuff he asked for, like slicing some garlic and squeezing fresh orange juice over the shrimp. It was… okay? I guess I'm not a shrimp guy without cocktail sauce, but it was one of his simpler recipes that didn't call for obscuritanium as an ingredient.
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@Monkey:
Cool thing I found out doing IQ test with the dude: i forgot almost everything i learned math wise since 4th grade aside from basic algebra.
I can't even do long division any more. :)Hahaha. I had to do subtraction by hand not that long ago … I couldn't do it xD Or rather, I had to google how to O.O
Damn you, calculators ... depriving me of all my hand skills :(
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Hahaha. I had to do subtraction by hand not that long ago … I couldn't do it xD Or rather, I had to google how to O.O
Damn you, calculators ... depriving me of all my hand skills :(
Better relearn it soon or else they'll relegate you to servant class after The Meltdown
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It is like, now that I have started eating, I actually get hungry. xD
I know that from my own bad habit of not eating. After not eating a while, you stop feeling so hungry, but as soon as you eat again, you feel that hunger come back. It's not a good state to be in.
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You know what is awesome? Continously going through life going through failure after failure and realizing that theres nothing youre really good at. Oh and then you realize you are only good at failing since exceptionalism is something you will never accomplish. It is such a wonderful feeling. Why havent i died of a horrible accident yet?
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You know what is awesome? Continously going through life going through failure after failure and realizing that theres nothing youre really good at. Oh and then you realize you are only good at failing since exceptionalism is something you will never accomplish. It is such a wonderful feeling. Why havent i died of a horrible accident yet?
You can save the deadly accident for after our trip
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Being kind of good at lots of different things like i feel i am is no good
Would probably be alot better if i were able to be so narrowly focused on one field that i did that better than anyone
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And that is in itself a hopeless endeavor as well. Hopeless. Pointless existence. Effort is pointless. There's nothing for me.
I hate wasting time and yet I wasted time by actually putting effort into something I won't ever get good at…again. Why even hope for something better at this point? Why aspire for anything? Dream of something for your future when it will never manifest? It's pointless. Just a mere wishful thought shoved into your brains at youth whereas in reality it is just a joke. Hah....dreams. Aspirations. Nothing but laughing matter. -
you're always free to assign your own meaning to things you do.
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Sometimes I feel like the ugliest, most disgusting, vile creature to ever slither across the Earth's surface. And other times I feel that I'm sexy as hell, and could very well be a supermodel. Why must my brain be so weird?
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Sometimes I feel like the ugliest, most disgusting, vile creature to ever slither across the Earth's surface. And other times I feel that I'm sexy as hell, and could very well be a supermodel. Why must my brain be so weird?
Because your brain exists in a society that tends to project ideas contrary to how you actually think and feel, and the disparity leads to the uneven extremes? Or something like that anyway, if you're anything like me. Yesterday I felt hopeless and had to force myself to get out of bed just to get anything done, whilst today I feel like a pixie of possibilities that could do so much and I only need to decide what. I know that your circumstances are considerably different to mine though, so I'm sorry if I'm speaking out of place.
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you're always free to assign your own meaning to things you do.
And what purpose does that serve? I can be oblivious to everything around me and deem myself as a success when in reality I am nothing more but a sham. So should I delude myself? Live in my own fantasy and completely disregard everything else around me? Does that sound right?
I have freedom yes, but why should I be lenient with myself in that regard to the point that I lie to myself?
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Had to have my girlfriend help me out with this months rent because i botched an exam
She's well off at the moment and doesn't miss the money, not to mention being unbelivably ( and undeservedly) supportive. But it still feels fucking awful to have to be a burden like this
So damn upset by my own incompetence that i can't even get to sleep.
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And what purpose does that serve? I can be oblivious to everything around me and deem myself as a success when in reality I am nothing more but a sham. So should I delude myself? Live in my own fantasy and completely disregard everything else around me? Does that sound right?
I have freedom yes, but why should I be lenient with myself in that regard to the point that I lie to myself?
It's not a matter of reality or fiction when you define your own parameters for success. Because really, what we perceive as "real" success is pretty much just the parameters established by other people that came before us, most of them being the people at the top who were able to define those parameters to marvel at their own success.
So it's not your own fantasy as much as your own reality. It's not about creating a fantasy world as much as it is interpreting real world data in a way that meets the parameters defined by your perception of what is right and wrong, good and bad. Someone else's success is not your success because you're not them.For example, how is it bad to fail at things? People who never fail never actually learn shit and go through life without reflection, without growth and without purpose. If your parameters are changed to accept that failure is a requisite to success, which through analysis of objective data we can solidly conclude it is, then based on the information you have given you are closer to reaching success than others.
Shams, as you say it, are the people who always consider themselves the top of everything with unshakeable, stubborn belief that they are nothing else but great. They're the shams because they truly are in a fantasy world where a perfection that cannot exist defines them. It is inhuman to be perfect, it is human to fail and fail again and again and again because with proper reflection each failure leads to success.Based on your comments it seems to me you are closer to reaching your own personal success than other people I interact with. Please don't give up because of current events not aligning to a highly malleable definition of success, especially given that success is best evaluated over large expanses of time, most of which is in the future.
Same applies to a lot of you guys here:
Crystalship, I hope you're not letting some bullshit definitions of beauty affect how you see yourself. Everyone here has seen you, some of us in picture form as well, and we all know you have beauty, so really the only logical assumption here is that other people's perceptions are what get to you.
Wolfwoof, don't be too harsh on yourself, that kind of crap happens. Your girl is helping you carry that burden, don't add guilt and self-resentment (and sleep deprivation) to that, you don't need that. Additionally, I'm sure if she helped you it's because you do deserve that support and you have proven to her you are capable of supporting her as well. Everyone has room to make mistakes, really hope it doesn't get to you more than it should. -
What's wrong with failing? Failing just makes the eventual success all the sweeter. It's the garnish and rice pilaf of life, and can be just as enjoyable as the main dish. Why punish yourself for failing when you can dramatize failures as epic stepping stones
And remember that you dont exist for your deeds or hobbies. They exist for you
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There was a two week-long period in June where I was convinced I was going to kill myself.
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Why are all the smart posters on this forum so depressed?
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Because hardship breeds empathy, which breeds understanding
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Ever have that sinking suspicion that people at your work hate you/don't like you?
I deal with this feeling a lot. My current job is a position of authority over parents of students at my academy which previously didn't exist. Meaning, when I came into this position, other staff members looked to me to enforce order among parents who had been at my centre for a while, and were used to doing things their way.
There are quite a few people who talk to me with fake niceties, I can tell. The consistent unevenness of their tone of voice, the nervous/fake smiles, some of them don't even try to put up a fake sense of respect and just show me their full dislike.
I recognize that I'm much different than most of these ladies. I'm younger than all of them, I don't have kids, and I have a … really silly sense of humour in which I really love to joke around with kids but also present a positive outlook to whatever problem/behavioural issue they might be having with other kids or their parents. I feel very different from these parents, there only a few who actually talk to me as an equal. From most others I just get this unsettling feeling that I'm not liked. And though I guess I should just ignore it, I can't. Who doesn't mind being not liked?
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It's not a matter of reality or fiction when you define your own parameters for success. Because really, what we perceive as "real" success is pretty much just the parameters established by other people that came before us, most of them being the people at the top who were able to define those parameters to marvel at their own success.
So it's not your own fantasy as much as your own reality. It's not about creating a fantasy world as much as it is interpreting real world data in a way that meets the parameters defined by your perception of what is right and wrong, good and bad. Someone else's success is not your success because you're not them.How can it be success if it isn't success to them? My own success is wholly irrelevant in the realm of things if it isn't perceived as valuable. If I only half a painting done and I just can't…finish it. Is it still a success? I don't think anyone would see it as a successful piece of work, let alone an actual piece of work that is worth considering. That piece of work is useful to no one, nor do I consider it worthwhile either. It is wasted time and effort overall that I cannot do anything with.
Shams, as you say it, are the people who always consider themselves the top of everything with unshakeable, stubborn belief that they are nothing else but great. They're the shams because they truly are in a fantasy world where a perfection that cannot exist defines them. It is inhuman to be perfect, it is human to fail and fail again and again and again because with proper reflection each failure leads to success.
How is this truly different than those that try to delude themselves of being good at something when in reality they are not? Much like myself…
Based on your comments it seems to me you are closer to reaching your own personal success than other people I interact with. Please don't give up because of current events not aligning to a highly malleable definition of success, especially given that success is best evaluated over large expanses of time, most of which is in the future.
I give up because I am not matching the expectations set by myself, and those around me. It is a hopeless endeavor that I will never be happy with (then again I'm hardly happy with myself anyway because there is very little to be happy with). So what is the point in it all? I just wasted time. So much time, effort, and stress that I could have used for being idle and doing nothing. That in itself is a waste of time but at least it isn't a stressful waste of time.
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And what purpose does that serve? I can be oblivious to everything around me and deem myself as a success when in reality I am nothing more but a sham. So should I delude myself? Live in my own fantasy and completely disregard everything else around me? Does that sound right?
I have freedom yes, but why should I be lenient with myself in that regard to the point that I lie to myself?
You sort of do need to do that, maybe not to such an extreme, but you can't really succeed if you've already given up.
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Why are all the smart posters on this forum so depressed?
Are you calling me stupid? :(
Oh wait now I'm depressed so I guess it works out in the end.
Ever have that sinking suspicion that people at your work hate you/don't like you?
I deal with this feeling a lot. My current job is a position of authority over parents of students at my academy which previously didn't exist. Meaning, when I came into this position, other staff members looked to me to enforce order among parents who had been at my centre for a while, and were used to doing things their way.
There are quite a few people who talk to me with fake niceties, I can tell. The consistent unevenness of their tone of voice, the nervous/fake smiles, some of them don't even try to put up a fake sense of respect and just show me their full dislike.
I recognize that I'm much different than most of these ladies. I'm younger than all of them, I don't have kids, and I have a … really silly sense of humour in which I really love to joke around with kids but also present a positive outlook to whatever problem/behavioural issue they might be having with other kids or their parents. I feel very different from these parents, there only a few who actually talk to me as an equal. From most others I just get this unsettling feeling that I'm not liked. And though I guess I should just ignore it, I can't. Who doesn't mind being not liked?
Haha a couple jobs ago I got along okay with most of my coworkers but most of my superiors almost pretended I didn't exist. It was a really weird feeling. I got hired through my friend and I was just always "that guy's friend" to them. Half the time I would find out stuff they wanted me to do through him, whom they would go out of their way to tell instead of just telling me directly. Long story short I went on vacation once (with permission) and when I got back they were all looking at me funny. Apparently they asked my friend why he "brought me back." But still nobody actually said anything to me! I had to quit cause they were too cowardly to fire me. That place was weird.
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PS: I'm not a smart person.
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Haha a couple jobs ago I got along okay with most of my coworkers but most of my superiors almost pretended I didn't exist. It was a really weird feeling. I got hired through my friend and I was just always "that guy's friend" to them. Half the time I would find out stuff they wanted me to do through him, whom they would go out of their way to tell instead of just telling me directly. Long story short I went on vacation once (with permission) and when I got back they were all looking at me funny. Apparently they asked my friend why he "brought me back." But still nobody actually said anything to me! I had to quit cause they were too cowardly to fire me. That place was weird.
That's the biggest bs :S how could they ignore an employee they are paying? I would quit too, reminds me of the feeling when everyone else can speak a language and you don't, and you find yourself consistently ignored while everyone speaks together, and you just sit there wondering when people realize that they're being rude. Ugh.
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Are you calling me stupid? :(
Oh wait now I'm depressed so I guess it works out in the end.
Wait, you weren't depressed before?
No offense but that's kind of weird dude.
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Worked in an office like that for 2 years. I was a contractor, and worked on a different project to almost everyone else on site. People really spoke to one another in that office anyway, but even moreso to me and any other contractors, so it was like being in a separate dimension to the others. Especially when everyone got up to leave to some event they'd all been invited to but not us, and we suddenly found ourselves alone in an empty office. Not a great atmosphere, but at least I didn't need to speak to the people who were blanking me. That I imagine can be really frustrating and uncomfortable, especially on a daily basis.
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Ever have that sinking suspicion that people at your work hate you/don't like you?
Yus. Certain people though, not everyone. Perhaps it's neutrality I'm mistaking for unwelcomeness, though? I'm new to my job, and certain people seem like they don't want me there (just a few), but I may me mistaking it for a "let's see if you can impress me newbie" kind of composure from them. It's mostly two dudes, actually. I get along with everyone else – workably, anyway, I'm not all "Wowww so I have this story about this guy who did this thing, and it was really weirddd and I was gracefully composed the entire time" whole group of social companions gives round of heavy mental applause & rose-throwing and everyone grows instantly closer. I've never been good at storytelling, more of a simple Seinfeld commentary type conversation.
Other than that, I must confess one thing that DOESN'T seem to be unwelcoming is bike riding, and I am not neutral to it. I bought one today (out of necessity, really; car's broken down and low-balling the cost of repairs is $500) and tried to find a path to work through mostly neighborhoods. It was a lot more effort than I expected, given how much cardio I do, but it was really quite exhilarating. I love the clarity of the wind on your face, you feel like you're really out there in the world. You're not in some box of transportation. I could get used to this, especially the gas saving.
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That's the biggest bs :S how could they ignore an employee they are paying? I would quit too, reminds me of the feeling when everyone else can speak a language and you don't, and you find yourself consistently ignored while everyone speaks together, and you just sit there wondering when people realize that they're being rude. Ugh.
I could rant about that place. They definitely did shady things and are not representative of a normal professional environment. But maybe there is some karmic justice; my boss who ignored me got fired out of nowhere for personal reasons a while later (I heard from my friend).
Anyway in your situation, do you think there's any way you can deal with the issue other than just trying to ignore it? Like find a subtle way to ask people if there's anything they suggest, or bake cookies for everyone and say you want to try to get to know them better, or something. I don't know.
Wait, you weren't depressed before?
No offense but that's kind of weird dude.
Oops my fault sorry for caring. :P
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Ever have that sinking suspicion that people at your work hate you/don't like you?
I deal with this feeling a lot. My current job is a position of authority over parents of students at my academy which previously didn't exist. Meaning, when I came into this position, other staff members looked to me to enforce order among parents who had been at my centre for a while, and were used to doing things their way.
There are quite a few people who talk to me with fake niceties, I can tell. The consistent unevenness of their tone of voice, the nervous/fake smiles, some of them don't even try to put up a fake sense of respect and just show me their full dislike.
I recognize that I'm much different than most of these ladies. I'm younger than all of them, I don't have kids, and I have a … really silly sense of humour in which I really love to joke around with kids but also present a positive outlook to whatever problem/behavioural issue they might be having with other kids or their parents. I feel very different from these parents, there only a few who actually talk to me as an equal. From most others I just get this unsettling feeling that I'm not liked. And though I guess I should just ignore it, I can't. Who doesn't mind being not liked?
Honey, give me their names and identification numbers. All your problems will be fixed by next Tuesday.
On a more real note, I definitely get this feeling. Well I'm also told that I'm pretty paranoid about this stuff, but if you have real evidence that you aren't being taken seriously… The best advice I can give is to focus on doing your best, staying professional, and just show that you want to be nice to other people in the office without being pushy or overly attention-seeking. I like the idea of baking something for the other people in the office, it's relatively simple and I think it's pretty hard to fault you for doing something like that :P I wish I could give you advice on how to knock parents off their feet but I've been dealing with this enormous dragon of a parent at work whom I expect to start demanding our personal numbers and addresses soon, so I'm in no position to talk.
Do bear in mind that it's also possible that some people just aren't sure what to expect from you or how to talk to you, so they might come off as being stiff or unnatural. Dazzle them with your Femme charm and unique personality! If you start being harrassed, abused, or left out of professional things then you might want to think about talking to a colleague or supervisor about it. But maintain that wonderful positive attitude of yours so that it doesn't come off like you're complaining, you just want to find out what happened. That kind of thing :P
All the best dear, I can tell that you like your job! I hope things improve :) If they don't, ASIA WANTS YOU.
@Medical:
! I've literally never once expressed feelings like emotional pain, anger, sadness, etc. so it's all just bottled up inside me.
! It's not because I think I would be burdening others with my problems.
It's not because I want to or think I can get through life without the help of others.
It's not because I have difficulty communicating my feelings.
! It's because I'm scared of the consequences of expressing myself.
What if someone asks me why I'm upset, I tell them, and they think I'm overreacting and don't take me seriously? There are people in this world who ignorantly assume that because they managed to overcome a certain struggle, everyone else can too if they try. There are also people who think that because something isn't a problem for them, that it shouldn't be a problem for anyone else, and will just tell you to get over it. Basically, they use false equivalence.
Or, what if I'm upset because something happened to me, and I explain to someone, and they tell me it was my own fault or that I deserve it for being weak, stupid, acting in some way that they think makes me more susceptible, etc.? Example: if I'm bullied and part of the reason is not being social, and someone tells me I should just talk to people more, blaming me for being bullied instead of the bully for bullying. (I was originally going to use a different example, but I thought it was too morbid and might trigger someone)
What if someone is making me mad and I confront them, and it escalates the conflict even further? Especially if it's an an authority figure, who could kick me out of their class, fire me, etc. I never went through a teenage rebellion phase because my fear of the consequences far outweighed my desire to call out authority figures when I think they're being unfair.
! There is no place in the world where I can be certain I'd be listened to and taken seriously if I needed to do this, or that I wouldn't cause even more problems by venting about my current ones.
! For the past few weeks, it's really been destroying me. I have periods where I'm paranoid and upset about everything. They go away for a few days, but then they come back. I need to do something intense, like ride a roller coaster or climb a mountain. Adventures and adrenaline rushes clear my mind and make me feel like I've achieved a higher state of being.! One of the things about emotions is that you have a few options when it comes to dealing with them. You can a) express them (through a variety of ways); b) keep them to yourself and reconcile your conflict internally - I'm talking about real, genuine reconciliation here; and/or c) keep them to yourself, let them fester unresolved, and let them escalate. It sounds like you've been mainly doing c)…
! And honestly? Sometimes we need to get out of our own heads, when we've been cooped up inside them for too long. It often leads to disproportionate levels of anxiety, distrust, paranoia, and misery. The saddest part is that we don't need to feel that way at all. Know that it's completely normal to express your emotions, and it's likely that you might get a mix of responses, both wanted and unwanted. That doesn't sound ideal, but it actually looks fairly good when we've been convincing ourselves that we will get a negative response with 100% certainty. Most people? They're inherently sympathetic, or at least try to be. Sometimes people fumble when they try to help someone but end up causing more hurt. Let them learn. I suggest sticking to the people who are close to you, people whom you trust - maybe people whom you know will make you feel safe, even it means telling you just what you want to hear. For a start. Keep in mind that there's no such thing as "your emotions are wrong", so know which statements to set aside. And as you share more with your close ones, they will start to understand and trust you more and more. That's beneficial for everyone.
! In general, emotional expression and regulation is largely about moderation. That's not to say that there's a fixed range of acceptable intensity for our emotions, but rather that it's helpful to understand how much you need to express for your own psychological well-being, while being mindful of social/relationship norms around you. You described feelings about emotional pain. Of course, I don't know your unique situation all that well, but to be really pragmatic about it, sadness might be easier to express than anger, in a way; sadness is usually pretty likely to evoke sympathy and concern, rather than judgment.
! tl;dr give yourself a shot. Fear is paralysing, but overcoming that fear is a really, really awesome feeling. And if you hit one or two bumps along the way, just remind yourself that nobody's perfect (especially when it comes to responding to people telling them about their problems), and know that most people will make an effort to be understanding.
! :)