Must be humiliating to get carded for CIDER. Cause you know all those underage hooligans are dying to get their hands on some forbidden cider. Just saying >.>
You've clearly never heard of "White Lightning" or "Scrumpy Jack" or any of the other cheap, very alcoholic ciders that don't actually have anything to do with real fruit. They taste a little like the smell of the cupboard you keep your cleaning supplies in, and it's not uncommon to see gangs of middle-teens sitting around parks with them.
Your evil scheme to leave a painful chasm in heart, and a growling one in my stomach? Yes, it sure has… :(
If it helps, I don't currently have any baking supplies in, or indeed that much food. I'm eating ginger snap biscuits and drinking Earl Grey tea and hoping this will do until lunch.