! Invasion of Astro-Monster (1965)
! The Monsters: So while the last film had four monsters going at it, this film only has three: Godzilla, Rodan, and Ghidorah. One could argue that's a step down, but there's still a good amount of fun to be had here. Actually, I think the best fight happens midway through the movie when Godzilla and Rodan fight Ghidorah on Planet X (complete with Godzilla's little victory leap). In the last act of the film there's the obligatory rampaging through cityscapes, although this time Godzilla (and Rodan) only does it because he's being mind-controlled, leaning him more and more towards being the hero. And then there's the final battle with Ghidorah, which ends pretty much the same way King Kong vs. Godzilla did, with Ghidorah fleeing out of the water and Godzilla and Rodan staying submerged. Perhaps not the best action in a Godzilla movie, but still pretty fun.
! The Humans: And here we go. The first film to feature aliens! Well…okay, the last film did have the Venusian possessing the princess, but these are the first onscreen aliens. And they come dressed in all their cheesily-designed glory (Ah, the 60's, when all aliens had horrible fashion sense - "Take me to your tailor, earthling!"). Apart from them, we have two astronauts as our leads; one standard Japanese hero, and his Caucasian co-star, which I imagine is quite a rarity in Japanese cinema. There's also a subplot regarding an inventor and an alien woman who falls in love with the Caucasian astronaut. On paper this all sounds pretty good, but the execution actually doesn't do much for me. Maybe it's because the characters themselves aren't that interesting, or because you can see every plot point coming a mile away, or even just the aesthetic of the film, but I was really squirming in my seat through a large portion of it.
! Overall: I guess this is generally considered one of the better Godzilla films, but for me it felt kind of lacking. I mean, I suppose it is a landmark Godzilla film in that it's the first film to feature aliens in the story, and it is technically pretty good, I guess (I've seen and will see worse Godzilla films). But still, I'm not sure how eager I'll ever be to go back to this one.
! Ebirah, Horror of the Deep (1966)
! The Monsters: In this latest installment of the Godzilla franchise, Godzilla fights…...a lobster...yes...a lobster. No, not a cool or freakily-designed lobster, just...a normal lobster blown up. So...yeah, not exactly the most inspired design to come out of the Godzilla monster factory. And the actual fighting is...decent, I guess. Their first battle has this really bizarre sequence of them batting a rock at each other like a game of tennis. And the final battle has a fairly intense, if hard-to-see, underwater battle in which Godzilla rips off both of Ebirah's claws, which was pretty cool. Mothra also makes an appearance (back to a full-grown moth now, apparently), but only shows up to save the humans at the end. Also, there's this weird sequence where Godzilla randomly fights a giant bird. Not sure what that was about.
! The Humans: So, believe it or not, this is where the movie shines. After his brother is lost at sea, a young man, along with two bozos he picks up at a dance competition and a master thief and safecracker on the run from the law, set out on a boat and shipwreck on a mysterious island that's been taken over by a pseudo-terrorist group that's been abducting native islanders for slave labor. And, really, it's just about as crazy and fun as it sounds. Godzilla films, by their very concept, are outrageous, and they deserve outrageous human plots to go along with them. Sure, I guess the characters' personalities are a bit shallow, but the situations surrounding them are so insane that you can't help but be entertained. And you're never quite sure what's going to happen next. Actually, I think my favorite part of the movie is towards the beginning, when the movie takes 5-10 minutes just to focus on the four men sailing on the boat. There's just something about that segment that feels so fun and adventurous (well, I am a One Piece fan after all). Admittedly, the intrigue does peter out towards the end, and there's this really contrived segment where the lead gets tied to a balloon and arbitrarily lands on the island where his brother has been this whole time. But as far as Godzilla films go, it's a pretty minor complaint in what has to be, if not the best, the most entertaining human story so far. Well, that's my take on it anyway.
! Overall: So while Invasion of Astro-Monster is considered one of the better Godzilla films, this film is usually considered one of the worst (MST3K even did a riff on it). And whereas I thought Astro-Monster was kind of dull, I thought this film was actually a lot of fun. And, amazingly, it's mostly due to the human storyline. Sure, the kaiju action is a bit of a letdown, and if that's all you come to Godzilla movies for, I can understand not liking this one. But I'm here for the whole package, and I have to say this movie left me feeling satisfied. In fact, it may even be my favorite out of this batch of films.
! Son of Godzilla (1967)
! The Monsters: A lot more screen time for the monsters in this movie. They don't even waste time and show off Godzilla in the opening scene. And at only eight movies in, Godzilla gets a little kid sidekick. Oh boy. You're playin' with fire there, Toho. Very few movies/TV shows/what-have-you can get the kid sidekick aspect right and, sorry to say, you really didn't manage it here. First off, Minilla (get it? Mini-Illa?) just looks hideous. I mean, he's a contender for the Shrek babies in terms of how unpleasant he is to look at. He looks like a stubby old grandpa in a lizard suit. Just eww. Well, I guess the story behind him is that he's not Godzilla's biological son, but the same (or similar?) species, and Godzilla just sorta adopts him (really, he should've just eaten him). This leads to a number of sequences in which Godzilla bonds and trains with Minilla, which I guess would be cute if not for the fact that you wanted to kick Minilla every time he appears on screen. Aside from Minilla, there's some new enemies, which, like Ebirah, are just blown up versions of regular animals. The Kamacuras are just giant mantises and Kumonga is just a giant spider. Come on guys, it's not enough to make a giant-sized replica of an animal! You gotta give them that extra flair, ya know? Well, whatever. Fights are decent, I suppose, but there is one really badass scene where a severed flaming Kamacura claw goes flying through the air. So yeah, more screen time for the monsters, but I wish they could've done something more interesting with it.
! The Humans: Dullest storyline yet. Some scientists are trying to build a weather-controlling machine or something? I dunno. I honestly have nothing to say about it. Nothing of intrigue happens. It's clear the writers didn't care and were just more focused on the Godzilla/Minilla stuff.
! Overall: One of the least-liked films in the Godzilla franchise and I can see why. It's nice that the monsters finally get more screen time, but again nothing really fun or interesting happens with them. And Minilla is just a really off-putting ugly little turd. Unless you want to watch this for the sheer novelty of seeing the debut of a character who, unfortunately, would appear in other Godzilla films, I'd say you can skip this.
! Destroy All Monsters (1968)
! The Monsters: Here we go. The Avengers: Endgame of Godzilla films (or at least the first one? I'm not sure). Basically every kaiju that Toho has created thus far makes an appearance in this film, even ones that haven't previously been in a Godzilla film. And it's pretty much as awesome as it sounds. We've got Godzilla, Rodan, Ghidorah, Mothra (back to being a larva, strangely, though this is set in the future, so I guess this is the third Mothra?), Anguirus, Gorosaurus, Manda, Bargon, and others (yes, even Minilla makes an appearance, but he thankfully doesn't do much). The monsters go global and start attacking cities across the world, which results in some pretty cool destruction scenes. The true highlight of the film though is the final battle where all (or at least most) of the monsters join forces against King Ghidorah. This is pretty much the awesome kaiju beatdown I've been waiting for with this franchise with all the monsters getting to show their stuff. Admittedly, it is a bit one-sided with Ghidorah only getting the advantage over Anguirus momentarily, but it's still a ton of fun regardless. This battle alone makes the movie worth it.
! The Humans: And here's where the movie stumbles. Again, this is an incredibly dull human storyline that the writers didn't really seem to care about. There are really no characters or plotlines of intrigue here. A group of astronauts, strangely enough, are tasked with investigating the island that the monsters escaped from (Really? Is that something that falls under astronaut jurisdiction or specialization?) and they find that another race of aliens (not the ones from Astro-Monster) have taken control of the monsters and are making them attack Earth. There actually is one innovative idea in that the aliens turn out to be metallic slugs that, I think, just project their human forms. But again, this human storyline is mostly just a dull slog to get through. I guess it's technically better than the human storyline in Son of Godzilla, but whereas that one at least felt kinda short, this one just feels like it goes on and on until you're just begging for them to get back to the monsters. And, unfortunately, that does hurt the movie quite a bit in my book.
! Overall: One of the most acclaimed entries in the Godzilla series and, based on that final battle, I can see why. But, unfortunately, I don't think I can agree that this is one of the absolute best. Yes, the monster stuff is amazing, but the human stuff is tediously dull. And I know I've seen other Godzilla films that are overall more cohesive and entertaining than this. Mothra vs. Godzilla and Ghidorah the Three-Headed Monster had cool monster action, but also some reasonably entertaining human drama to keep us entertained in the mean time. And that's really what this movie needed was a more compelling storyline to amuse us while we waited for the monster segments.
! All Monsters Attack (1969)
! The Monsters: Oh, dear me. This is the movie that answers the question "Can a movie be a clip show?" A question no one asked and one really wanted the answer to, but we got it anyway. The first and hopefully only Godzilla movie that uses recycled footage from previous movies to pad for time. Good lord. Now, to be fair, there is new monster footage, but…no I'm sorry, still, god, recycled footage, how lazy can you be? Anyway, the new stuff focuses on Minilla (UGH!) and a new monster called Gabara who serves as his bully. Gabara is...not hideous like Minilla, but really stupid looking. The basic premise is that, in a parallel to the human story (more on that later), Minilla needs to stand up against Gabara. So yes, if we hadn't already, we're completely humanzing the kaiju now. This leads to some...I guess passable action, not that I really care about seeing Minilla fight. Once Godzilla joins in, things do get a bit better, especially when he flips Gabara over his shoulder. But ultimately it's too little too late after the embarrassing clip show from earlier and the agony of dealing with Minilla. And none of it matters anyway since all the monster segments were just the fantasy of a little kid. Speaking of which...
! The Humans: Oy vey. The first Godzilla film that not only has a kid in the main cast, but in fact is the leading role. This gon' hurt. Well…I guess you could argue this is a better human plot than the previous film in that it gives you a character to identify with and that it doesn't bore you out of your skull (it more annoys you than anything), but this is still pretty bad. Ichiro, the "hero" of this story, is your typical down-on-his-luck kid whose parents are never around (though he has a weird toymaker neighbor he hangs out with) and suffers the constant abuse of a bully. To cope with this, he escapes to his dreams in which he hangs out with Minilla (I'm sure I could count the number of real-life kids who actually want to hang out with Minilla on one hand) who goes through the same story arc as him (dealing with Gabara as described above). There's also a plot involving two bank robbers running from the law and - wouldn't you know it! - Ichiro gets mixed up in it and ends up getting kidnapped by the robbers. Naturally, he must escape his captors, which is results in prototypical kids-outsmarting-adults hijinks that I thought only existed in 90's movies, but apparently they've been doing this for a while. Ichiro's story ends with him beating the tar out of his bully and harassing an innocent man who wasn't bothering him at all and knocking him off a ladder. Truly, he is better off than when we found him.
! Overall: Possibly the most loathed film in the Godzilla franchise (and that's saying something, considering Zilla '98 exists) and it did not disappoint. Really, you could condemn this movie for the recycled footage alone, but even the new material is awful. Ichiro is an annoying little brat and his Minilla fantasies are just as annoying. Maybe one or two cool scenes with Godzilla are the only positive things I can think of to say about this movie. At the very least, this movie is only 69 minutes long, but in a way that kinda makes it worse. I mean, they couldn't even make enough new material to fill 69 minutes? God, this movie.
! Bonus Review - Rodan (1956)
! The Monsters: Yep. Rodan (or Radon as he's known in Japan) had his own film before appearing in the fifth Godzilla movie. And pretty much like Godzilla himself, he starts off as a malevolent figure that terrorizes Japan. But he's not alone in his debut film. The movie actually starts off with some miners discovering some giant insect larvae (as in, about the size of a bear) who become the main antagonistic force for the first half of the film. In the second half of the film, Rodan takes over, hatching from a giant egg, and…I guess it was feeding on the larvae? I don't know, I'm actually really confused about the timing and logic of all that. In any case, Rodan, fully grown, begins his rampage, flying through the air, taking down jets, and causing untold destruction with its sonic booms, which it creates by flying just so darn fast. It's actually pretty cool and effectively establishes Rodan as a very menacing force. What's more, there are actually two Rodans in this film! Again, not exactly clear on the how and why of it, but the Japanese military does manage to take them down by apparently burning them to death in a volcano, which is actually a really intense scene. But, of course, we all know Rodan will be back (or at least one of them will).
! The Humans: As stated above, this movie starts with some miners discovering some odd goings-on in their little mineshaft. Mainly in that some of the workers are dying. It actually gets pretty heavy with some disturbing death scenes and we later see the wailing and grieving widows of the miners. And there's a brief subplot in which they believe one miner killed the other miners. Anyway, they eventually discover the insect larvae, but find they can do little to combat them as even their guns don't seem to do much damage. The situation continues to escalate, as they first call in the police, then some scientists, and finally the military gets involved once Rodan appears. The miner plotline pretty much fades away in the second half, with the main miner suffering amnesia and eventually revealing that he discovered Rodan's egg as his last meaningful contribution. After that it's just a bunch of talking military heads strategizing about what they can do to take down the giant birds. So it's a bit sloppy and perhaps not the most engaging human story, but it works well enough in just how creepy and violent it gets.
! Overall: A surprisingly dark entry in the Godzilla universe that actually holds up pretty well. It's not as well-plotted and doesn't have as much to say as the original Godzilla, but its an entertaining enough creature flick, that actually leans more towards the horror side of the scale. If you're a Godzilla fan and want to see the origin of one of the more popular monsters to come out of the franchise, I say give it a watch.