^
Keep trying to make sense of this mess of a movie Bob.
^
Keep trying to make sense of this mess of a movie Bob.
He's got an interesting take, but i think it more of a meta-narrative.
Seems a lot of the hate has been tempered in recent weeks, still there, but not has red hot anymore.
I think people are realizing it's not that hate-worthy. Annoying more than hateful.
Only racist movies are hate-worthy
imo?
Only racist movies are hate-worthy
imo?
When you’ve watched movies for a living for 3-4 years, you can definetly conclude that is not the case ;).
There are all sorts of problematic themes movies can have. I can understand why people don't like The Last Jedi even though I do, but no way is it nearly as offensive in its story and execution as the prequels.
@Kaido:
There are all sorts of problematic themes movies can have. I can understand why people don't like The Last Jedi even though I do, but no way is it nearly as offensive in its story and execution as the prequels.
I think episode 1 and 3 have better story, but much worse execution. Episode 2 is a mess, though.
As messy as it is, I would still put Episode 2 above The Last Jedi in terms of story. In terms of execution, I would say that The Last Jedi is at least more consistent than Episodes 1 and 2 (I'm iffy on whether it beats 3), but I find its major offenses to be far more offensive than anything in the prequels.
Fun fact of the day: Adam Driver (Kylo Ren) was once in the Marines. The man knows something about armies.
Well, he knows something about Marines, not necessarily Armies.
I think episode 1 and 3 have better story, but much worse execution. Episode 2 is a mess, though.
What is the story of the Phantom Menace even? Something about a trade agreement and an absurd, convoluted plot made up by the Emperor so he would get more power. But nobody cares about that nor remembers any details about it.
What is the story of the Phantom Menace even? Something about a trade agreement and an absurd, convoluted plot made up by the Emperor so he would get more power. But nobody cares about that nor remembers any details about it.
I can't even get through ten minutes of Phantom Menace without closing out the internet tab from sheer boredom. I've tried at least three times, I can't freaking watch that movie. And 2 makes me shudder.
3 is the only one I can stand to watch due to the plot (conceptually, at least) and the meme-esque material. Every Ian McDiarmid scene as Palpatine in that movie is gold, he always steals the show. Just like he stole the Republic.
What is the story of the Phantom Menace even? Something about a trade agreement and an absurd, convoluted plot made up by the Emperor so he would get more power. But nobody cares about that nor remembers any details about it.
We begin, as always, a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Except this time, we're an even longer time ago… although the galaxy is just as far away.
We're meeting Darth Vader as a wee little lad, and Obi Wan when he was an (hunky) apprentice Jedi.
Jedi Qui-Gon Jinn and his apprentice, Obi-Wan Kenobi, are sent as ambassadors to begin negotiations to end to the Trade Federation's blockade of the planet of Naboo. We know that sounds like the beginning of Mr. Jedi Goes to Washington, but it isn't long before the action kicks into gear.
Viceroy Gunray of the Trade Federation contacts his master, Darth Sidious (who is bad: how can he be good with a name like that?) and the dark lord tells him to begin his invasion of the planet and kill the Jedi. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan fight their way through the droid battle station and make their way to Naboo. On the surface, they meet that unholy genetic combination of rabbit and amphibian: Jar Jar Binks. Jar Jar leads them to Gunga City, where the Jedi are fortunate enough to secure a transport and, less fortunately, Jar Jar as a traveling companion.
While the trio travels to the capital, the droid army occupies the city, which apparently has an open door policy for invaders. Viceroy Gunray captures the Queen and plans to have her sign a treaty to make the invasion legal—right after she's sent to Camp 4 to be "processed."
Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan rescue the queen and her court and steal a Nubian cruiser from the hangar. The ship runs the blockade, but its hyperdrive is badly damaged from the assault. Man, even though the Star Wars universe is extremely high-tech, hyperdrives always seem to be malfunctioning.
Qui-Gon orders the captain to land on a remote planet called Tatooine. He, Jar Jar, R2-D2, and the queen's handmaiden Padmé go to the spaceport to buy the parts they need but find their currency is no good. They meet a young slave boy named Anakin Skywalker and devise a plan where Anakin will compete in the Boonta Eve podrace to win a new hyperdrive from his owner, Watto. While spending time with the boy, Qui-Gon discovers he is immensely Force sensitive.
Anakin wins the race and—thanks to Qui-Gon enabling Watto's gambling addiction—his freedom as well. After the ship is repaired, Qui-Gon is attacked by a Sith warrior named Darth Maul, and he barely escapes with his life.
The group flies to Coruscant, capital of the Galactic Republic. Queen Amidala prepares to plead her case before the Galactic Senate, and Senator Palpatine of Naboo counsels her that Supreme Chancellor Valorum has no real power and the only way to secure help for her people is to displace him with a stronger chancellor. Gee, wonder who he has in mind?
During the Galactic Senate session, the Queen states her allegations against the Trade Federation, but the other delegates request that a committee be formed to investigate the allegations. Realizing that the committee will waste time while her people die, she motions for a vote of no confidence against Valorum.
Taking a break from Coruscant C-SPAN, we check in on Qui-Gon. The Jedi knight reports to the Jedi Council that he was attacked by a Sith warrior. While he has their attention, he also requests that Anakin be trained as a Jedi, believing him to be the one a prophecy foretold would bring balance to the Force. The Jedi Council tests Anakin but sense much fear in the boy. It seems test anxiety is a path to the dark side, so the council refuses to let Anakin be trained.
Senator Palpatine is announced as a candidate to replace Valorum, but Queen Amidala decides time is running out and returns to Naboo to solve the matter herself. On Naboo, Padmé reveals herself to be the true queen and brokers a peace with the Gungan leader, Boss Nass. She devises a strategy where the Gungans will distract the droid army while the Nubians capture the viceroy and destroy the droid control station. The Gungans are surprisingly amenable to being literal cannon fodder.
More surprising, Viceroy Gunray actually falls for the diversion tactic and sends his entire army to meet the Gungans. While the two armies fight, Padmé and her forces enter the city and assault the castle. There, they encounter Darth Maul, and the Jedi engage him in a lightsaber fight. Even Anakin gets in on the action when he activates the Naboo fighter he was hiding in to join the space fight for the droid control station.
Padmé manages to capture Viceroy Gunray, but the Gungans are captured by the droid army. Lucky for them, Anakin crash-lands inside the droid control station and destroys it from within, flying to safety as the station excitingly explodes around him.
Darth Maul kills Qui-Gon, but Obi-Wan manages to outsmart and kill the Sith. Of course, it's kind of difficult to learn the identity of your attacker when he's cut in two and thrown down an endless pit, but we guess the Jedi Council gave Obi-Wan a pass on account of the fact that he had a rough day.
Viceroy Gunray is sent to the Galactic Senate to answer for his crimes, and Palpatine is elected the Supreme Chancellor. Obi-Wan convinces the council to let him train Anakin as a Jedi despite the grave danger in doing so. Padmé and Boss Nass officially make peace between the Gungans and the Naboo. Happy endings all around!
A long, long time ago
In a galaxy far away
Naboo was under an attack
And I thought me a Qui-Gon Jinn
Could talk the Federation in
To maybe, cutting them a little slack
But their response, it didn't thrill us
They locked the doors and tried to kill us
We escaped from that gas
We met Jar Jar, and Boss Nass
We took a bongo from the scene
And we went to Theed to see the Queen
We all wound up on Tatooine
That's where we found this boy…
So my, my
This here Anakin guy
Maybe Vader someday later
But now he's just a small fry
He left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Saying "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi
Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi."
Did you know this junkyard slave isn't even old enough to shave?
But he can use the Force, they say
Now do you see him hitting on the Queen
Though he's just 9 and she's 14
Yeah he's probably gonna marry her
Someday
Well, I know he built C-3PO
And I've heard how fast his pod can go
And we were broke, it's true
So we made a wager or two
He was a prepubescent flyin' ace
And the minute Jabba started off that race
Well, I knew who would win first place
Oh yes, it was our boy
We started singing
My, my, this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later, now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Saying, "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
Now we finally got to Coruscant
The Jedi Council we knew would want
To see how good the boy could be
So we took him there and we told the tale
How his midi-chlorians were off the scale
And he might fulfill that prophecy
Oh, the Council was impressed, of course
Could he bring balance to the Force?
They interviewed the kid
Oh, training they forbid
Because Yoda sensed in him much fear
And Qui-Gon said "Now listen here"
"Just stick it in your pointy ear"
"I still will teach this boy"
He was singing
My, my, this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later, now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Saying, "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
We caught a ride back to Naboo
Cause Queen Amidala wanted to
I frankly would've liked to stay
We all fought in that epic war
And it wasn't long at all before
Little hotshot flew his plane and saved the day
And in the end, some Gunguns died
Some ships blew up and some pilots fried
A lot of folks were croakin'
The battle droids were broken
And the Jedi I admire most
Met up with Darth Maul and now he's toast
Well, I'm still here and he's a ghost
I guess I'll train this boy
And I was singing
My, my, this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later, now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Saying, "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
We begin, as always, a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Except this time, we're an even longer time ago… although the galaxy is just as far away.
We're meeting Darth Vader as a wee little lad, and Obi Wan when he was an (hunky) apprentice Jedi.
Jedi Qui-Gon Jinn and his apprentice, Obi-Wan Kenobi, are sent as ambassadors to begin negotiations to end to the Trade Federation's blockade of the planet of Naboo. We know that sounds like the beginning of Mr. Jedi Goes to Washington, but it isn't long before the action kicks into gear.
Viceroy Gunray of the Trade Federation contacts his master, Darth Sidious (who is bad: how can he be good with a name like that?) and the dark lord tells him to begin his invasion of the planet and kill the Jedi. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan fight their way through the droid battle station and make their way to Naboo. On the surface, they meet that unholy genetic combination of rabbit and amphibian: Jar Jar Binks. Jar Jar leads them to Gunga City, where the Jedi are fortunate enough to secure a transport and, less fortunately, Jar Jar as a traveling companion.
While the trio travels to the capital, the droid army occupies the city, which apparently has an open door policy for invaders. Viceroy Gunray captures the Queen and plans to have her sign a treaty to make the invasion legal—right after she's sent to Camp 4 to be "processed."
Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan rescue the queen and her court and steal a Nubian cruiser from the hangar. The ship runs the blockade, but its hyperdrive is badly damaged from the assault. Man, even though the Star Wars universe is extremely high-tech, hyperdrives always seem to be malfunctioning.
Qui-Gon orders the captain to land on a remote planet called Tatooine. He, Jar Jar, R2-D2, and the queen's handmaiden Padmé go to the spaceport to buy the parts they need but find their currency is no good. They meet a young slave boy named Anakin Skywalker and devise a plan where Anakin will compete in the Boonta Eve podrace to win a new hyperdrive from his owner, Watto. While spending time with the boy, Qui-Gon discovers he is immensely Force sensitive.
Anakin wins the race and—thanks to Qui-Gon enabling Watto's gambling addiction—his freedom as well. After the ship is repaired, Qui-Gon is attacked by a Sith warrior named Darth Maul, and he barely escapes with his life.
The group flies to Coruscant, capital of the Galactic Republic. Queen Amidala prepares to plead her case before the Galactic Senate, and Senator Palpatine of Naboo counsels her that Supreme Chancellor Valorum has no real power and the only way to secure help for her people is to displace him with a stronger chancellor. Gee, wonder who he has in mind?
During the Galactic Senate session, the Queen states her allegations against the Trade Federation, but the other delegates request that a committee be formed to investigate the allegations. Realizing that the committee will waste time while her people die, she motions for a vote of no confidence against Valorum.
Taking a break from Coruscant C-SPAN, we check in on Qui-Gon. The Jedi knight reports to the Jedi Council that he was attacked by a Sith warrior. While he has their attention, he also requests that Anakin be trained as a Jedi, believing him to be the one a prophecy foretold would bring balance to the Force. The Jedi Council tests Anakin but sense much fear in the boy. It seems test anxiety is a path to the dark side, so the council refuses to let Anakin be trained.
Senator Palpatine is announced as a candidate to replace Valorum, but Queen Amidala decides time is running out and returns to Naboo to solve the matter herself. On Naboo, Padmé reveals herself to be the true queen and brokers a peace with the Gungan leader, Boss Nass. She devises a strategy where the Gungans will distract the droid army while the Nubians capture the viceroy and destroy the droid control station. The Gungans are surprisingly amenable to being literal cannon fodder.
More surprising, Viceroy Gunray actually falls for the diversion tactic and sends his entire army to meet the Gungans. While the two armies fight, Padmé and her forces enter the city and assault the castle. There, they encounter Darth Maul, and the Jedi engage him in a lightsaber fight. Even Anakin gets in on the action when he activates the Naboo fighter he was hiding in to join the space fight for the droid control station.
Padmé manages to capture Viceroy Gunray, but the Gungans are captured by the droid army. Lucky for them, Anakin crash-lands inside the droid control station and destroys it from within, flying to safety as the station excitingly explodes around him.
Darth Maul kills Qui-Gon, but Obi-Wan manages to outsmart and kill the Sith. Of course, it's kind of difficult to learn the identity of your attacker when he's cut in two and thrown down an endless pit, but we guess the Jedi Council gave Obi-Wan a pass on account of the fact that he had a rough day.
Viceroy Gunray is sent to the Galactic Senate to answer for his crimes, and Palpatine is elected the Supreme Chancellor. Obi-Wan convinces the council to let him train Anakin as a Jedi despite the grave danger in doing so. Padmé and Boss Nass officially make peace between the Gungans and the Naboo. Happy endings all around!
Oh oh oh do Attack Of The Clones.
@Count:
3 is the only one I can stand to watch due to the plot (conceptually, at least) and the meme-esque material. Every Ian McDiarmid scene as Palpatine in that movie is gold, he always steals the show. Just like he stole the Republic.
What, no love for Ewan McGregor?
What, no love for Ewan McGregor?
Of course I hold him in a high regard as well. There's a good reason why he has the high ground.
Oh oh oh do Attack Of The Clones.
Only saw that one once, twenty years ago. Can't do it.
I've managed to still not see RotS at all… though I have watched the Plinkett review.
Were you excited to see Luke Skywalker be a perfect god-man and single-handedly destroy the First Order in The Last Jedi, only to be saddened to find that instead, it turns out more Women than just Leia exist in Star Wars?
Are you filled with even more white hot rage to find that those women are NOT simply making sanwhiches to fuel Luke Skywalker's manly rage campaign against the first order, but instead they are actualy given complex character arcs and important positions in the Resistance and the story as a whole?
Well, have I got news for you!
You can now watch Star Wars Episode VIII: Cucks Go Home
Watch a leaner movie, only 46 minutes where those uppity women SJWs know their place and let the men do all the work.
(Yes, this is apparently real)
What is the story of the Phantom Menace even? Something about a trade agreement and an absurd, convoluted plot made up by the Emperor so he would get more power. But nobody cares about that nor remembers any details about it.
Well lucky for you, there is a fantastic Weird Al song that completely sums up the important parts of the movie in roughly 2 minutes
Episode 3 definitely had the potential to be the best out of all the Star Wars movies in terms of story. IMO if Hayden had the same level of writing and direction as Adam Driver did for Kylo Ren, then Anakin's story, and pretty much the entire film basically, would have had a significant rise in quality. But yeah, Episode 1 and 2's stories were nonsense from the start (though I did like Obi-Wan's subplot in Episode 2)
Well lucky for you, there is a fantastic Weird Al song that completely sums up the important parts of the movie in roughly 2 minutes
My favorite thing about that song is how Weird Al recorded it before the movie came out and used internet spoilers
–- Update From New Post Merge ---
Were you excited to see Luke Skywalker be a perfect god-man and single-handedly destroy the First Order in The Last Jedi, only to be saddened to find that instead, it turns out more Women than just Leia exist in Star Wars?
Are you filled with even more white hot rage to find that those women are NOT simply making sanwhiches to fuel Luke Skywalker's manly rage campaign against the first order, but instead they are actualy given complex character arcs and important positions in the Resistance and the story as a whole?
The funny thing is that according to the list Luke dies after getting shot by the AT-M6. So I'm really not sure what point he's trying to make here.
What is the story of the Phantom Menace even? Something about a trade agreement and an absurd, convoluted plot made up by the Emperor so he would get more power. But nobody cares about that nor remembers any details about it.
There are some great answers to this.
However, to summarize the basic plot points:
Palpatine's plan is really the important part of the film.
Knowing Palpatine is evil, we can infer he had a hand in the senate's corruption. It really comes across that way in the scene where he "advises" Amidala on her course of action in the senate. This is most likely why he was elected chancellor at the end instead of anyone else. I've also heard it suggested that sympathy votes may have had a part in his election as well, since it was his own planet that was invaded.
Meanwhile, on the jedi side…
TLDR: Palpatine is elected chancellor through his evil plan, and Anakin is admitted to the jedi order.
Attack of the Clones
Well, I guess I'll chime in with Revenge of the Sith.
So the movie starts with Anakin and Obi-wan who are flying to a ship to rescue Palpatine who's been kidnapped by General Grievous, which may or not have been organized by Palpatine.
On board the ship, they encounter Dooku/Tyranus who fights them and then Anakin chops his head off at the urging of Palpatine. Neither Anakin nor Obi-wan find this strange.
They then are captured by General Grievous (whose presence in this film only makes sense if you've seen the Clone Wars cartoon), but then escape anyway.
Back on Coruscant, Anakin meets up with Padme who tells him she's pregnant. Soon afterwards, Anakin starts to have visions about her dying in childbirth.
Palpatine then starts to get really close with Anakin and somehow he gives Anakin a seat on the Jedi Council, but the Jedi refuse to give him the rank of Master and Anakin gets all pissy about it.
Meanwhile, Obi-wan goes to another planet with a giant noisy lizard, which he uses to discreetly find General Grievous who, if he kills, will supposedly end the war. He finds him and kills him with a blaster, which he then calls uncivilized even though it just saved his ass.
Back on Coruscant, Anakin continues to hang out with Palpatine who not-so-subtly tempts him dark side stories, particularly one about Darth Plagus who could stop people from dying. Eventually, Anakin gets wise and realizes he's Darth Sidious.
Padme continues to be pregnant and ineffectual
Also, Yoda is on the Wookiee planet, because Chewbacca
Anakin tells Mace Windu about Palpatine. Mace and a couple other Jedi confront Palpatine who kills all of them except Mace who actually manages to beat him (or maybe he let himself get beaten? I don't know). However, Anakin shows up and chops off Mace's hand before he can kill Palpatine, after which Palpatine throws Mace out the window with force lightning.
Having passed the moral event horizon (oh THAT was it?) Anakin pledges allegiance to Sidious whose face is all fucked up from the force lightning, I guess.
Sidious executes Order 66, which instructs the clone troopers to kill all the Jedi who go down like total bitches. Also, Anakin kills all the Jedi kids, which is actually a lot funnier than it should be.
Sidious officially announces the start of the Galactic Empire, which the entire Senate is totally cool with.
Obi-wan and Yoda are pretty much the only ones to survive the Jedi massacre and return to Coruscant.
Yoda fights Sidious in the Senate room, but loses and runs away I guess.
Obi-wan and Padme go to a lava planet to confront Anakin (who has just killed Gunray). Anakin chokes Padme, thinking she has betrayed him. Anakin and Obi-wan fight in the lava and then Obi-wan chops Anakins legs off. Obi-want lets him be burned alive rather than put him out of his misery.
Sidious picks up Anakin and puts him in the Darth Vader suit.
Padme gives birth to Luke and Leia and then dies of a broken heart or some shit.
Darth Vader creates a meme by shouting "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
Obi-wan and Yoda go into hiding, but not before giving Leia to wealthy senators and Luke to a couple of dirt farmers (Hmm…)
The Phantom Menace Plot
I stand corrected: Robby remembers the Phantom Menace Plot. Or maybe he's just watched the RLM review a lot of times?
@Count:
I can't even get through ten minutes of Phantom Menace without closing out the internet tab from sheer boredom. I've tried at least three times, I can't freaking watch that movie. And 2 makes me shudder.
Other than the fight with Darth Maul there's nothing about the movie that's worth seeing more than once. :p
Third one I've liked ever since I saw the it the first time. I can still remember quite a bit about it without having seen it in like 5 years. Me and my friends were memeing that whole "POWERRRRR" thing even before we knew that it was a thing.
Some we knew already, others we didn't.
Other than the fight with Darth Maul there's nothing about the movie that's worth seeing more than once.
There's quite a lot of visual spectacle in there to see. It's worth catching a couple times for that. Granted, that CG spectacle has aged badly, but…
Meanwhile, Obi-wan goes to another planet with a giant noisy lizard, which he uses to discreetly find General Grievous who, if he kills, will supposedly end the war. He finds him and kills him with a blaster, which he then calls uncivilized even though it just saved his ass.
Jedi's would prefer to use laser swords instead of busing laser gats.
Anakin tells Mace Windu about Palpatine. Mace and a couple other Jedi confront Palpatine who kills all of them except Mace who actually manages to beat him (or maybe he let himself get beaten? I don't know).
Seems a bit much when you remember losing the fight like he did horrifically disfigured him….somehow
Also, Anakin kills all the Jedi kids, which is actually a lot funnier than it should be.
Well between the supposedly bad acting of the child actor who wonders what will they do, the fact that this massacre as vile and horrid as it was supposed to be happens off screen, or Obi-Wan's recounting of the incident take your pick.
Anakin and Obi-wan fight in the lava
Shit that's going to make Obi-Wan's high ground tactic look weird immediately after this.
and then Obi-wan chops Anakins legs off.
And hand.just to make things even more symmetrical.
This video is hilarious, and it touches on something I've been thinking about for a few days: why were people disappointed that Ackbar died the way he did but wanted Leia to die the same way?
There's quite a lot of visual spectacle in there to see. It's worth catching a couple times for that. Granted, that CG spectacle has aged badly, but…
eh… I don't know. Nothing really stands out to me. Maybe the bigger fish thing.
Anakin tells Mace Windu about Palpatine. Mace and a couple other Jedi confront Palpatine who kills all of them except Mace who actually manages to beat him (or maybe he let himself get beaten? I don't know). However, Anakin shows up and chops off Mace's hand before he can kill Palpatine, after which Palpatine throws Mace out the window with force lightning.
Boy, has this aged BADLY. ^^;
!
It's like watching a freakin' parody.
eh… I don't know. Nothing really stands out to me. Maybe the bigger fish thing.
Well maybe not now, but in 1999 you had the underwater city and the podrace and all the variety of aliens moving around and the neat looking spaceships and the backdrops. The art department delivered.
But since its been 20 years the CGI has aged super badly so there's not much to it now.
Avatar is much the same thing. Super pretty highest grossing film of all time… not much actually there.
Episode 1 has actually aged the best of the prequels because they actually used some real sets, on location shooting, and generally far less bluescreen.
Episode 2 and 3 look more and more like gaudy stupid video games every year.
It's weird how the effects of the prequel trilogy have aged so damn badly when stuff like Jurassic Park that is even older still looks decent today.
The Phantom Menace
! There are some great answers to this.
! However, to summarize the basic plot points:
! Palpatine's plan is really the important part of the film.
! * Senator Palpatine, under the guise of Darth Sidious, convinces the Trade Federation to invade his home planet of Naboo.
- Queen Amidala of Naboo goes to the senate to ask for help, but Palpatine tells her the senate is corrupt and that the current chancellor will not be able to help.
- Seeing the chancellor's lack of power for herself, Amidala takes Palpatine's advice and calls for an emergency re-election of the chancellor.
- Because the election will take time, Amidala goes back to Naboo to solve the problem herself.
- Palpatine is elected as the new chancellor.
! Knowing Palpatine is evil, we can infer he had a hand in the senate's corruption. It really comes across that way in the scene where he "advises" Amidala on her course of action in the senate. This is most likely why he was elected chancellor at the end instead of anyone else. I've also heard it suggested that sympathy votes may have had a part in his election as well, since it was his own planet that was invaded.
! Meanwhile, on the jedi side…
! * Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are sent to investigate the conflict on Naboo.
- Seeing the invasion, they choose to escort Amidala to Coruscant.
- They stop on Tattooine to fix a broken hyperdrive and happen to find a slave boy named Anakin Skywalker.
- The jedi leave Tattooine with Anakin after winning his freedom and a new hyperdrive in a podrace.
- They are attacked by Darth Maul while leaving Tattooine.
- Qui-Gon wants to train Anakin because he believes Anakin is the one who will destroy the sith, but the jedi council says no.
- Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan go back with Queen Amidala to investigate Darth Maul and the sith connection to the Naboo situation.
- Qui-Gon dies and Obi-Wan kills Darth Maul.
- Because of Anakin's strong connection to the force and the simultaneous reappearance of the sith, the jedi council go along with Qui-Gon's belief that Anakin is the chosen one and allow Obi-Wan to train him.
! TLDR: Palpatine is elected chancellor through his evil plan, and Anakin is admitted to the jedi order.
@Cyan:
Attack of the Clones
! - 10 years later, Count Dooku (who is now secretly Sidious's new apprentice Darth Tyrannus) is a leading figure in a separatist movement in the Galactic Republic
- Separatists have droid armies, so Chancellor Palpatine signs the "Make Army Now" Act to fight them
- Padme is against this act because ???? and is almost assassinated by a worm thingy
- Anakin gets assigned to be Padme's bodyguard back on Naboo and thus spends 90% of the movie falling for her and getting really creepy and hating sand
- Meanwhile Obi-Wan is tasked to find the person who assassinated Padme's failed assassin
- Somehow this leads to Kamino where the scary noodle aliens are making a huge-ass clone army patterned after Boba Fett palette-swap Jango Fett (Jango is paid in Boba Fett for his contribution)
- The Kaminoans say they got commissioned to make the clone army by a long-dead Jedi
- Obi-Wan knows this whole clone army thing is sketchy so he starts investigating that and ends up Dooku's prisoner on Genosis
- Meanwhile Anakin starts having bad dreams about his mom and goes to Tatooine where he meets Beru and Owen and finished C3PO
- Anakin's mom got kidnapped by Sand Peoples so Anakin goes out into the desert to find her
- Too late! Mom Skywalker dies the moment Anakin finds her.
- Anakin then slaughters ALL OF THEM. THE WOMEN. THE CHILDREN. LIKE ANIMALS.
- Anakin and Padme leave Sand Land to find Obi-Wan
- MAce Windu meanwhile sends a Jedi Task Force to Genosis as well to find Obi-Wan
- There's a really pointless factory action sequence
- Big battle in Genosis arena where the clone army makes its debut
- Mace kills Jango and creates another long-term problem in the process, which is par the course for Mace really
- Obi-Wan and Anakin corner Dooku but Dooku is a motherfucking Jedi Master and doesn't take their shit. Anakin loses his hand.
- Yoda saves the day and does that good lucha shit at Dooku enough to make him run away
- Anakin gets robo arm and marries Padme in secret (a secret that basically everyone they care about will know by the end of Clone Wars)
- Dooku and Sidious talk about this new war that's happening with clones and wars and stuff
- No one cares about who ordered the clone army after this
- Also there's a Death Star
Well, I guess I'll chime in with Revenge of the Sith.
! So the movie starts with Anakin and Obi-wan who are flying to a ship to rescue Palpatine who's been kidnapped by General Grievous, which may or not have been organized by Palpatine.
! On board the ship, they encounter Dooku/Tyranus who fights them and then Anakin chops his head off at the urging of Palpatine. Neither Anakin nor Obi-wan find this strange.
! They then are captured by General Grievous (whose presence in this film only makes sense if you've seen the Clone Wars cartoon), but then escape anyway.
! Back on Coruscant, Anakin meets up with Padme who tells him she's pregnant. Soon afterwards, Anakin starts to have visions about her dying in childbirth.
! Palpatine then starts to get really close with Anakin and somehow he gives Anakin a seat on the Jedi Council, but the Jedi refuse to give him the rank of Master and Anakin gets all pissy about it.
! Meanwhile, Obi-wan goes to another planet with a giant noisy lizard, which he uses to discreetly find General Grievous who, if he kills, will supposedly end the war. He finds him and kills him with a blaster, which he then calls uncivilized even though it just saved his ass.
! Back on Coruscant, Anakin continues to hang out with Palpatine who not-so-subtly tempts him dark side stories, particularly one about Darth Plagus who could stop people from dying. Eventually, Anakin gets wise and realizes he's Darth Sidious.
! Padme continues to be pregnant and ineffectual
! Also, Yoda is on the Wookiee planet, because Chewbacca
! Anakin tells Mace Windu about Palpatine. Mace and a couple other Jedi confront Palpatine who kills all of them except Mace who actually manages to beat him (or maybe he let himself get beaten? I don't know). However, Anakin shows up and chops off Mace's hand before he can kill Palpatine, after which Palpatine throws Mace out the window with force lightning.
! Having passed the moral event horizon (oh THAT was it?) Anakin pledges allegiance to Sidious whose face is all fucked up from the force lightning, I guess.
! Sidious executes Order 66, which instructs the clone troopers to kill all the Jedi who go down like total bitches. Also, Anakin kills all the Jedi kids, which is actually a lot funnier than it should be.
! Sidious officially announces the start of the Galactic Empire, which the entire Senate is totally cool with.
! Obi-wan and Yoda are pretty much the only ones to survive the Jedi massacre and return to Coruscant.
! Yoda fights Sidious in the Senate room, but loses and runs away I guess.
! Obi-wan and Padme go to a lava planet to confront Anakin (who has just killed Gunray). Anakin chokes Padme, thinking she has betrayed him. Anakin and Obi-wan fight in the lava and then Obi-wan chops Anakins legs off. Obi-want lets him be burned alive rather than put him out of his misery.
! Sidious picks up Anakin and puts him in the Darth Vader suit.
! Padme gives birth to Luke and Leia and then dies of a broken heart or some shit.
! Darth Vader creates a meme by shouting "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
! Obi-wan and Yoda go into hiding, but not before giving Leia to wealthy senators and Luke to a couple of dirt farmers (Hmm…)
Well, now my lack of snark just looks bad.
@Kaido:
This video is hilarious, and it touches on something I've been thinking about for a few days: why were people disappointed that Ackbar died the way he did but wanted Leia to die the same way?
Leia had the shot of her floating through space that could have been a beautiful sendoff to both her and Carrie Fisher. I also heard it proposed (on YouTube?) that her death at that time could have served to further Kylo's character considering the wannabe darksider could not bring himself to attack her but his wingmen did.
On the other hand, fan favorite Admiral Ackbar, who appeared in a prominent secondary role in Return of the Jedi as well as in video games, novels, memes, etc. for 36 years, had about one line of dialogue and a combined 10 seconds of screen time between The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi. His role in the films basically amounted to an "I know who that is!" moment in TFA and an excuse to sell Admiral Ackbar action figures. It's entirely fair that fans are disappointed.
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Not to defend the poorly aged CGI, especially considering some parts look about as real as decade old video games. However, I remembered seeing something about miniatures used in the prequels, predominantly the Tattooine and Naboo parts in Episode I and a variety of one off wide shots in Episode III.
I found this video. If it's legitimate, then surprise surprise, the best looking parts of the prequels were definitely practical. Too bad the CGI had a tendency to get in the way.
Leia had the shot of her floating through space that could have been a beautiful sendoff to both her and Carrie Fisher. I also heard it proposed (on YouTube?) that her death at that time could have served to further Kylo's character considering the wannabe darksider could not bring himself to attack her but his wingmen did.
On the other hand, fan favorite Admiral Ackbar, who appeared in a prominent secondary role in Return of the Jedi as well as in video games, novels, memes, etc. for 36 years, had about one line of dialogue and a combined 10 seconds of screen time between The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi. His role in the films basically amounted to an "I know who that is!" moment in TFA and an excuse to sell Admiral Ackbar action figures. It's entirely fair that fans are disappointed.
IMO Leia getting a last shot of her floating through space would still fail to belie the fact that she died really abruptly. Like if Luke somehow became one with the Force right after Rey left the planet, or if Ben killed Han as soon as Han confronted him, without a big moment to precede them. Yeah, I totally get the situation with Fisher now, but if they were going to give her a good sendoff a shot of her flying through space wouldn't have cut it for me.
As for Ackbar, I just never really cared much for the guy. But even if he did deserve a better death, then Leia did moreso.
@Kaido:
IMO Leia getting a last shot of her floating through space would still fail to belie the fact that she died really abruptly. Like if Luke somehow became one with the Force right after Rey left the planet, or if Ben killed Han as soon as Han confronted him, without a big moment to precede them. Yeah, I totally get the situation with Fisher now, but if they were going to give her a good sendoff a shot of her flying through space wouldn't have cut it for me.
As for Ackbar, I just never really cared much for the guy. But even if he did deserve a better death, then Leia did moreso.
While I feel Ackbar deserved a better death than he actually received, I do agree that Leia deserved a death more meaningful than him. With regards to Leia dying in space in that scene, I believe it's less that people actually wanted her to die there and more that if she died there, while not the death she deserved, it would have at least been more meaningful than an offscreen death between films. Considering the film as it stands, that was a point that with some reshoots would have allowed for an onscreen death.
It's weird how the effects of the prequel trilogy have aged so damn badly when stuff like Jurassic Park that is even older still looks decent today.
That's because JP was almost all practical effects and puppets. They only used CG for very brief full body shots. It's never CG for more than a couple seconds at a time,(Puppet raptor comes through a grate, they knock it to the floor, CG raptor for 2 seconds trying to get up.) and usually intercut with live shots to help blend it. Like even the final sequence with the T-Rex versus the raptors, that's a three minute sequence and there's only 17-20 seconds of CG during it, the rest is puppets, long shots, or cutting to the human actors on the real set. At the very end where there's just a sustatined shot of the T-Rex when the banner is falling is when it looks most fake, and that's still only a couple seconds, you eye has no time to process the fakeness.
And they only did dinosaurs. It's easier to make CG look decent on non-human things, especially if they have scales instead of skin or feathers.
Draco from Dragonheart actually aged pretty well too. Yeah, a modern trained eye can see the CG, but it was a pretty solid job for a whole-cloth created character in 96.
Basically the big trick to making the CG work is to not be fully dependent on it. Use it as a tool and not as the only part of the process.
On the other hand, fan favorite Admiral Ackbar, who appeared in a prominent secondary role in Return of the Jedi as well as in video games, novels, memes, etc. for 36 years, had about one line of dialogue and a combined 10 seconds of screen time between The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi. His role in the films basically amounted to an "I know who that is!" moment in TFA and an excuse to sell Admiral Ackbar action figures. It's entirely fair that fans are disappointed.
Compared to the massive screen time and dialogue he got in Return of the Jedi?
This sort of fan is the kind that completely loses sight of the difference between the actual films, and their obsessions with them. Ackbar was a minor minor character to begin with, and any and all inflation of his character came from fans and EU crap.
It sucked that Ackbar was pretty much killed offscreen, but Monkey is right, he is a character whose fanbase was built up from pretty much a cameo role in Jedi and years of EU writers taking the character and going wild with him.
Also the fact that his voice actor died probably contributed heavily to the reason he went out.
But hey, better than the died of old age bullshit they did to him in the EU.
Admiral Gial Ackbar
"It's a Trap!" - "We're going to do WHAT?"
Hey man, forget about Ackbar, I just want to know what happened to IG-88. He was that badass assassin droid that Vader hired. We saw more of Boba Fett but we never got to see anything with him!
The movies never even addressed that he killed his own creator or his three brothers! What gives? He was a major character with seconds of screen time!
And what about Max Rebo and his band in the cantina? Rogue One showed us a little more of the guy that got his hand chopped off, but not the chipper Elephant band leader? Do we have to settle for the Clone Wars cartoon telling us more about him? Or Robot Chicken?
Seriously, Akbar wasn't a big deal. He had a neat design and like, two lines of dialogue. One of them happened to be the meme memorable "It's a trap!" but… that's all. Star Wars is loaded with minor background characters like that who then get turned into toys and endlessly expanded upon in the EU... doesn't mean they were actually important or worth following.
Just look at how the original Transformers movie brutally murdered the entire original cast one by one, some of them off screen!
In Episode IX:
The Rancor keeper returns with an exotic space zoo featuring his pet Rathcor, a crossbreed of a Rancor and Rathtar, but 10 times bigger. Naturally, everything goes wrong.
The Max Rebo band teams up with the Mos Eisley Cantina band for the farewell tour of the millennium.
And in a shocking reveal, Kylo Ren kneels before Supreme Leader R5-D4 because someone finally replaced that bad motivator so it is now really, really motivated…for evil.
I've spent the past five minutes trying to figure out the best way to say Ackbar should have just been left out of these movies, but these past posts have done a much better job of making that point.
There's quite a lot of visual spectacle in there to see. It's worth catching a couple times for that. Granted, that CG spectacle has aged badly, but…
I did love Queen Amidala's outfits. Kudos to the costume designer.
But yeah, you can only rely on visual spectacle so much.
Attack of the Clones suffers the most of the prequel trilogy of aged CGI.
I for one think The Phantom Menace is sort of watchable just for Qui-Gon. Like, he's got this whole "I'm surrounded by idiots" attitude about him that's actually quite entertaining, even if the rest of the movie is mostly a bore.
"The ability to speak does not make you intelligent."
The Phantom Menace is my favorite Star Wars movie, and a legit good entry to the Star Wars saga.
Come at me bro.
If you ignore Jar Jar's antics and the villain's plot being self defeating and contradictory, there's some okay stuff in there.
The Phantom Menace is my favorite Star Wars movie, and a legit good entry to the Star Wars saga.
Come at me bro.
Even at age ten I would have lolled at this post.
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If you ignore Jar Jar's antics and the villain's plot being self defeating and contradictory, there's some okay stuff in there.
All of which is production effort and visuals. Like it's honestly nice that Lucas actually gave enough of a shit to have so much real stuff on screen before he became CoffeeChairMan McBlueScreen.
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I would have said something about how Episode 1 is the least Star Wars SW movie, but Last Jedi now holds that trophy.