So I decided to lend a closer reading to that Trump article and HOLY SHIT, Purps you sure you didn't get this shit off Cracked or Buzzfeed or something? Because fucking hell there's so much preposterousness courtesy of the Walking Toupée himself that the line between fiction and reality here has blurred faster than that Robin Thicke song everyone hated back in 2013.
Sheeeeit, looks like with stories like this I'm going to have to take the MST3K route and do SNARK COMMENTARY (TM):
ending more than two decades of persistent flirtation with the idea of running for the Oval Office.
Ooooh so now he's gonna stop flirting and start stalking it instead. Smooth.
Sadly the American dream is dead," Trump said at the end of his speech.
Yeah because you and your fellow fatass cronies have been sitting over it until it suffocated to death.
"But if I get elected president I will bring it back bigger and better and stronger than ever before."
"And I shall stand back, weep at my new creation… AND CALL IT OUTSOURCING"
the site of the famous "Apprentice" boardroom, a symbol of the reality TV label he'll struggle to shake off.
Protip, Donnie: you can't shake off something you're trying to shag.
Many Americans now view him primarily as a reality TV star after 14 seasons of his "Apprentice" series
As they should because that's how much of a narcissistic sellout he is.
and his numerous flirtations with a presidential run – first in 1987, then 1999 and again in 2004, 2008 and most recently in 2011 -- have left voters eye-rolling as he prompted yet another round of will-he or won't-he speculation.
I'm honestly shocked their eyeballs haven't jumped out and done the macarena at this point but OK…
Trump has already billed himself as the "most successful person ever to run for the presidency, by far," pointing out even that he owns a "Gucci store that's worth more than Romney."
No that just means you're fucking rich - with silver spoons in both your mouth and up your ass.
But Trump showed Tuesday that he won't shy away from the out-of-reach luxury and opulence that makes up his day-to-day lifestyle.
Instead, he flaunted his wealth and success in business as a centerpiece of his presidential platform, and he began that officially on Tuesday, trumpeting his whopping $8.7 billion net worth during his announcement speech. Trump's net worth was previously estimated at roughly $4 billion.
Silver spoons…
"That's the kind of thinking our country needs," Trump said after reading off his net worth, to the thousandth dollar.
He pointed out that his wealth and successful business career not only qualified him to be president – "I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created." -- but that it would allow him to rid himself of the special interests that he said control American politics.
OK yeah wow - so this is it guys: definite proof that God reads The Onion.
Sorry folks, can't do the rest of the article; I don't want too read too much and have my eyeballs start doing the macarena too.