It's funny. Sometimes I think I'm eating slowly and before I know it, the food is all gone. I can never slow down, even in public places…though I'm not messy. Maybe it's because I don't like keeping food floating around my teeth for too long. It's unpleasant.
Confession Session - LOCK THIS THREAD
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I hate paying rent to my parents. It seriously stresses and creeps me out. Ever since they got my sister a car, it's been downhill with my parents.
I pay for my sister's gas. WHAT.
"Trust him with me…I WANT TO WRONG JIGGLE."
Crack Navigator for the Fandom Pirates
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Nooooooooooooo! Hiroy no! no! no! no! take it back!…..take it BACK!
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I hate paying rent to my parents. It seriously stresses and creeps me out. Ever since they got my sister a car, it's been downhill with my parents.
I pay for my sister's gas. WHAT.
Put sugar in her gas tank. Problem solved.
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Okay. What were you talking about then? I misunderstood.
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Okay. What were you talking about then? I misunderstood.
Its too long and complicated to explain tbh, but it was a joke.
A whole part of the smudge = anti-furry gag i have with kitsune. Though i assumed this was well known for some reason. Also i've know about kitsune even if he didn't reveal it for a long time, hence a lot of focus towards it with him and other stuff, though i've never had a proper chance to discuss it at depth as it is probably quite hard for him to say and feel comfortable in my presence. Which also goes into other stuff i could talk about at length.
But at the end of the day do n't think i am intolerant to anything people do or like in their own time. I just like to jest that i in fact do.
i can't say what i mean here. its hard to put into words but i'm not knocking you or anyone here that has the guts or honesty to reveal something that personal.
I actually admire him for saying it tbh. Something i doubt i could ever do, or at least be honest and address things about me i can't even say to myself.
Stuff i can never come to terms with.
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I am unable to savor food. I'm a pig.
This is the same way with me. I always eat faster than everyone else, except it's my normal speed so everyone else seems slow. I'm often the first one to finish and then I notice that some people aren't even halfway done.
@GypsyCarts:I hate paying rent to my parents. It seriously stresses and creeps me out. Ever since they got my sister a car, it's been downhill with my parents.
I pay for my sister's gas. WHAT.
Playing favoritism is one thing, but I'm not sure how paying rent can be creepy. It's a practice a lot of parents used. My mom actually used to make me pay rent until she found out I really couldn't afford too much. :'(
I try and make it up to her by being self-reliant in other ways, like feeding myself, doing some errands for her or driving myself around. -
Its too long and complicated to explain tbh, but it was a joke.
A whole part of the smudge = anti-furry gag i have with kitsune. Though i assumed this was well known for some reason.
Oh. I thought you were talking about me having a convo with MDL. My bad.
In that case, I'm out of loop with the whole gag. I know you joke about it on IRC at times, but I never knew it was ongoing.
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Oh. I thought you were talking about me having a convo with MDL. My bad.
In that case, I'm out of loop with the whole gag. I know you joke about it on IRC at times, but I never knew it was ongoing.
Nah i should have gone through the thread and checked, or at least quoted you to prevent a misunderstanding.
Also the furry thing is more brought up by the random fetish discussion that keeps cropping up. It entertains me i do admit…..for reasons unknown.
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Guys, I'm thinking about being interested in some S&M play, just to mess with Smudge.
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Did i ever mention how legendary RpgJay, kitsune and nami are?
Also this intro is pretty much me.
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Oh psh. Thanks.
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"Unicorns can't see into your heart. All our dumb horns can do is glow, point towards the nearest rainbow and play rave music!"
Visit my Etsy Shop: Heart'n'Skull or Tumblr
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Legendary?
I'm confused, but okay. ^^
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I have high-functioning autism.
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I hate paying rent to my parents. It seriously stresses and creeps me out. Ever since they got my sister a car, it's been downhill with my parents.
I pay for my sister's gas. WHAT.
If you're over 18 and aren't going to college AND have a job, you should be paying rent. Are you going to school?
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I hate paying rent to my parents. It seriously stresses and creeps me out. Ever since they got my sister a car, it's been downhill with my parents.
I pay for my sister's gas. WHAT.
It was weird when I started paying rent to my parents but at the same time it was nice to know I wasn't mooching off of them anymore (well sort of). Although I would never pay for my sister's gas, F that.
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Get like me
! And move out
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Alright, I haven't been posting a lot lately but I just wanna give you an idea of what goes on inside my head as of lately:
In day to day life, I think of myself as this funny, smart, witty and generously nice guy who deserves a better life than he has and yet still remains modest.
In reality, I'm an obnoxious, overly self concious, arrogantly acting, egocentric, self destructive drunk, who is constantly looking for the approval of other people (often strangers (kinda like with this post)) and keeps blaming his flaws on his environment. I keep taking and taking, demanding more from life than I actually deserve, without ever giving something back. My friends and especially my mother deserve so much more than what I'm giving them right now. Recently, I keep envisioning what my younger self would say to me now. It would probably be a motivational speech about change (and yet, the younger version of myself wouldn't do shit to change his ways either) or just a disappointed stare. I need somebody to kick me in the ass and motivate me, but I just keep pushing away every notion of someone helping me. And as you may have noticed; the worst part is that I know exactly what my flaws are. I'm just too lazy and scared to change anything about them.
It's pretty pathetic that it takes an incredibly bad night and intoxication to realize all this and confess it to someone.
That is me in a nutshell…
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Alright, I haven't been posting a lot lately but I just wanna give you an idea of what goes on inside my head as of lately:
In day to day life, I think of myself as this funny, smart, witty and generously nice guy who deserves a better life than he has and yet still remains modest.
In reality, I'm an obnoxious, overly self concious, arrogantly acting, egocentric, self destructive drunk, who is constantly looking for the approval of other people (often strangers (kinda like with this post)) and keeps blaming his flaws on his environment. I keep taking and taking, demanding more from life than I actually deserve, without ever giving something back. My friends and especially my mother deserve so much more than what I'm giving them right now. Recently, I keep envisioning what my younger self would say to me now. It would probably be a motivational speech about change (and yet, the younger version of myself wouldn't do shit to change his ways either) or just a disappointed stare. I need somebody to kick me in the ass and motivate me, but I just keep pushing away every notion of someone helping me. And as you may have noticed; the worst part is that I know exactly what my flaws are. I'm just too lazy and scared to change anything about them.
It's pretty pathetic that it takes an incredibly bad night and intoxication to realize all this and confess it to someone.
That is me in a nutshell…
Whats your goals in life??
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Aw Chocula. The trick is trying not to make things bigger than they are. We all have things about ourselves we want to change or improve. The only real reason to do so is that it makes you feel better about yourself. I have a whole lot of silliness to say about this, but in the end its a matter of just learning from your mistakes–we're all human and we all make them--just do your best to learn from them and move on, a better person.
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Is it sad that I have no desire to drink or smoke pot? I'm 16, without exaggerating I would say a good 75% of my High School either drinks or does pot and I just have no desire to do it. I'm not one of those guys that are like "Drugs will kill you, stay above the influence!", It just doesn't look appealing to me at all. I can't even find a girl attractive if she's making Facebook status's about how wasted she is, or if quotes some rapper about getting high. I'm not some uptight kid, I've gone into abandoned warehouses with my friends at night, stolen little things from stores, but just drinking and doing pot….just doesn't appeal to me, and I feel like such an outsider for not doing it. All my friends do, and they CONSTANTLY badger me to drink with them. I'm the "funny" guy of the group. I'm not the guy that gets the girl, I'm the guy who can just cheer everyone up, but lately it's been to the point where I don't even hang out with my friends because I know I'll need to make up a BS excuse to not go drinking with them.
The worst part of it is my parents don't even believe that I simply don't want to do this stuff. My Dad and his friend started their own Brewery a couple of years ago, I've made beer with my Dad, and explained to him that I really don't wanna drink while I'm in High School, but they still don't get that. I'm a twin, and my twin brother is the popular one. He's that dumbass jock that goes to party's, sneaks out and gets wasted, or smokes pot in the basement. He gets caught practically every time, and my parents say the same thing every time, "We're not stupid, we know your going to do it, but you gotta know we've done it to, you will get caught because we know every trick". But it's to the point where I flat out told my Mom, "I respect your rules, you don't want me drinking until I'm 18, so I won't" but she still thinks I will at some point.
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Is it sad that I have no desire to drink or smoke pot? I'm 16, without exaggerating I would say a good 75% of my High School either drinks or does pot and I just have no desire to do it.
Everyone always thinks that, but fact is, most still don't, they just want you to think that. And you are completely normal, and smart for not wanting to do it. And you really aren't missing anything. I think the people who don't really have an interest in it just don't get the same kind of high from it. For me, pot did nothing but make me want to sleep. Alcohol, to this day, gives me about a 20 minute high point and it's all downhill from there. I guess I'm lucky there, my family is full of alcoholics and I can barely even understand why people like it so much. It's the same of the opposite side, if your parents couldn't wait to sneak out of the house and drink, they just can't understand that their own kid wouldn't do the same.
Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible. - Frank Zappa
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it's the same with me, that stuff just doesn't appeal to me at all.
i'd take a coke bottle over a pint everytime.
my friends did think i was boring at first, but they quickly warmed to the idea of having a consistent "responsible one" in their party group lol -
Everyone always thinks that, but fact is, most still don't, they just want you to think that. And you are completely normal, and smart for not wanting to do it. And you really aren't missing anything. I think the people who don't really have an interest in it just don't get the same kind of high from it. For me, pot did nothing but make me want to sleep. Alcohol, to this day, gives me about a 20 minute high point and it's all downhill from there. I guess I'm lucky there, my family is full of alcoholics and I can barely even understand why people like it so much. It's the same of the opposite side, if your parents couldn't wait to sneak out of the house and drink, they just can't understand that their own kid wouldn't do the same.
Maybe not for you, but a tasty pint or joint after a hard week surrounded by mates can be, and usually is brilliant. Something felt by the majority of the people that have done or currently still do this.
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In Scotland other than booze what do we have to entertain ourselves. Thats what most of ma friends say
WHAT!!!
GO AWAY!!
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@bartholemew:
In Scotland other than booze what do we have to entertain ourselves. Thats what most of ma friends say
So true, so true. Weird how the day after I smoked weed for the first time you guys are discussing its pro's and con's.
PSN Username: Scoogs50
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@Oga:
So true, so true. Weird how the day after I smoked weed for the first time you guys are discussing its pro's and con's.
Why'd you do that though ?
O.O
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@No:
Why'd you do that though ?
O.O
I was absolutely hammered. Plus I felt that I should probably do it at least once. Never again!! Naaww I kid, it was ok.
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There ain't anything wrong with weed No Maam.
I'll be trying it for the first time within a week or so.
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There ain't anything wrong with weed No Maam.
Disagreed, but I'll leave it at that. I ain't going to cause a fuss about such a petty trivial matter.
Weed's something you can smoke every now and then, but if you use it too much you're in for trouble. Pretty much like with everything else.. -
Maybe not for you, but a tasty pint or joint after a hard week surrounded by mates can be, and usually is brilliant. Something felt by the majority of the people that have done or currently still do this.
You missed the point, I'm well aware that my friends who smoke joints and have breweries in their garage enjoy their stuff, I'm responding to someone who is being made to feel that there's something wrong with him for NOT wanting to do it. Sure, many people enjoy doing these things, but not everyone does, so don't feel like definitely missing out on something. It'd be like feeling crazy for not wanting to play World of Warcraft. Just because 12 million people do doesn't mean you will like it.
Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible. - Frank Zappa
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I don't do the stuff because I know there would be stronger consequences for me if I ever find myself enjoying it and doing it regularly. You know how much times I get held up by police for nothing?
Oh yeah. A confession. I was held up by police for nothing. 6 times in one year. Until I move out of here, I'm not touching anything that can get me in trouble.
Another confession. In high school, my "friends" were pressuring me into losing my virginity with any random girl. They acted like if I was some kind of saint that waited for marriage, or was protecting myself from diseases or whatever propaganda that was constantly fed to us. The reality was that I wasn't very interested nor really cared about people that congratulate me for keeping my virginity. This brings me to a conversation I had one one of these so called "friends".
"Why don't you do it already?"
"Why is this so important to you?"
"Because I don't like virgins."
"Then that's your problem. I have other problems of my own to deal with."It went something like that, but I don't think we talked again. I just didn't understand. It's like some friendships require some kind of dumb test… Like if they all were to go take a bath in acid or jump off the edge of a cliff, I'll have to do it as well to properly fit in.
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I don't like pot, but I've tried it a total three times since I live in San Francisco and my housemates are into it and use a really pleasant, legal delivery service that gets them safe and high grade marijuana.
But. BUT.
Anybody who says pot has no real effect on them is probably being as conservative as I was about it the two times I tried it (I talked about it in this thread, how the smoking felt awful and I just got really silly feeling and thought it was lame). Now, I am not an expert here, but the third time I tried it, I took a really big hit from a bong by accident…
And experienced what I thought a fucking acid trip would be like. And I am pretty sure it could potentially happen to anybody who smokes. So I wonder if it's just that you guys are doing way too little? Because this was a full blown experience that came after the exact same responses as other people who say "I tried it and felt nothing", which was exactly what happened on the second time I smoked. Except. The third time? It was terrible! And I got the great bonus of being able to remember it and feel like a dolt. I spent the remainder of the night unable to barely move, seeing abstract images through my eyes (things were turning into vague shapes and earth tone colors), and my thoughts began following some insane non-logic involving falling out of reality, with the overwhelming fear of death lingering the entire time. It was mentally exhausting and so extremely extreme. Plus, I was coughing like crazy. So much coughing, just so much, which "boosted" the effects only. My mind was just racing and I was getting more paranoid and unstable the more I tried to sleep it off.
At first I was just sitting on the couch barely groaning, but eventually I'm just talking and saying anything. Like, I suddenly develop absolutely no sense of social anything and I'm just talking about anything, who knows how loud. Like it suddenly felt good to get some kind of grip and talking and I was anxious and sad, so I started talking about about anything and I'm just groaning out vague lines. "Oh god, I miss mom, I hate cancer, I hated watching cancer," but eventually I don't have the energy to talk anymore and I just lay down and my thoughts get negative and painful. Sometimes it felt like the world was just not there and I had the begrudging thought process that it was going to be that way forever. At some point I find myself in my room, maybe my room mate helped me I don't know, but I'm in my room in the dark and on my bed and it feels worse.
So I got on my laptop and struggled to get my messenger working to try to get help. I knew two friends who smoked pot and luckily both were on. One friend of mine helped me through it reasonably enough and got me to get the tiniest bit of grip on reality by playing guitar and trying to keep myself active by listening to music. It took a lot of struggle to try to sober up, but it almost started happening. But it was still really weird. And really hard to type too. At some point, I have the most stereotypical and cliche LOOK AT DAT SILLY DRUG USE conversation where I'm saying things like "I can only stay alive through the keys man, you are like my guardian, you are saving me, without the keyboard I would be dead, otherwise I just float off and reality eats me, we live through the keys man".
And at some point I fall asleep. It was a good sleep though. And that brings me to where I was really going with, was that I wanted to post about this earlier and didn't find the excuse. But that shit sucked yo. And the worst part is that part of me still wants to try it again and experience what might be another fucking bad drug trip. I think I fall into substance-want too easily. I can get drunk and not like it, but then go back to it. I feel like sometimes, any excuse to not feel what I feel normally is enough, because I'm not a very happy person, I don't like myself even though I'm starting to move forward in help, and my circumstances make it hard to want to feel any attachment to my body. It's strange, because I always used to be really into never wanting to use drugs, or alcohol, because I always wanted to be in control and I never liked the idea of losing it.
But then I actually experience that and part of me wants to try again, even though at the same time I really don't. Honk honk
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I think weed is pretty alright, but it's nothing for a civilized gentleman, you need to keep your head at full power. Normal cigarettes are to prefer.
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It's not exactly a confession, but I've been wondering lately what it means to be someone's friend. Do you have to know everything about that person to call them a friend? In my Japanese class, I've made friends but I don't really know anything about them. and when class is over, are we just gonna never talk to each other again? I feel like this always happens. Campus is such a huge place that if you don't have classes together, you're probably not gonna see them. Maybe you will run into them now and again; you might say "hi" for a second and be on your way, or maybe they won't even look at you. It's almost like that connection never existed. I have a friend who moved to the east coast and we only have contact over facebook, but I rarely get on facebook these days. If he ever has troubles, I can't be there. Hell, I might not even realize he has something troubling him. When someone you care about is facing personal troubles, is it enough to just tell them you care even if you don't completely understand their circumstances? It's not like you're not friends if they don't confide in you when they're troubled is it? Maybe all it means is that you're not close friends and probably never will be…. I wonder if anything I say could make them feel better when such a distance separates us. It makes me unhappy to not know if they're feeling better or even just doing fine.
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Weed… Sure. Went to Berlin and found it to be everywhere. Smoked it to experience what it felt like to sit in a stoner park and be high. All for experience of course.
... So in conclusion no. Nothing wrong with not desiring it.
I feel like my life have lost meaning for I am now a Tetris God. And there is no moving up from there only keeping status and that's boring.
Also due to this confession I would like to add that my life is positively dull. What next? Will I live my life through Sims Social? Will it ever load? Will I ever stop creating distractions from what I should be focusing on? Should I get high? Nah. Maybe read a book and get some academic stuff done? Or watch anime?
First world problems suck. Code Geass let's see what you are all about. -
You can fill a whole internet's worth of posts with discussions on drugs, but in the end it's everyone's own deal what they think about it.
I don't see much harm in trying things out, but I have a few basic rules to follow when you want to try something: Know what you're using, know what it is and where it comes from and what it can do to you; Only do it if you really want to do it yourself; Don't lie or be secretive about when you use something (well, parents or something can be an exception).Your experience sounds quite scary, Holy. I've done weed a few times before and never had any bad experiences, but I always only use drugs when I'm in at peace of mind and don't have any depressed feelings or anything. And in a calm environment, with friends that I trust.
I've always been curious towards more heavy stuff, but in fact I'm quite scared to use them. I think my brain could come up with some seriously sick stuff and that's what scares me.And I'm not fond of the idea of losing control either. With alcohol and smoking weed it goes more gradually, but like when you had space cake (do kids still say that?), there's that short time between eating the cake and the weed kicking in, and on those moments I can get kinda worried.
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You missed the point, I'm well aware that my friends who smoke joints and have breweries in their garage enjoy their stuff, I'm responding to someone who is being made to feel that there's something wrong with him for NOT wanting to do it. Sure, many people enjoy doing these things, but not everyone does, so don't feel like definitely missing out on something. It'd be like feeling crazy for not wanting to play World of Warcraft. Just because 12 million people do doesn't mean you will like it.
Maybe so but if he hasn't tried both to their fullest then how could he possibly make an informed decision?
I can understand some things, like smoking for example or any other drug, but drinking is a completely different ball game with millions of varieties designed to meet all peoples needs. If you don't drink their is usually a really good reason why, something I haven't seen him give.
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I've always seen pot as just another social thing. Like smoking or drinking with friends. I have no interest in getting high either, but if it's with a friend, I'm okay with it. Plus I'm a little too curious for my own good, and I just have to know what it's like.
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@Hiroy: That's good that you're resisting the pressure laid onto you, and sorry you have to deal with some BS cops.
@Holy: Wow, that sounds like a pretty bad experience. Maybe someone should be there to help you the next time you try? (If that doesn't sound too stupid).
@Marimo: I wouldn't worry about it too much. Friendships are sometimes more about memories than availability. Still, you can also use FB's private messages to chat with him and see how things are going.
And sometimes telling someone you care even if you're far away will be enough to make someone's day.
(If this post seems disjointed, it's because I just got up and am a bit groggy). -
[hide]I'd rather people critic my work, saying whether they like it or not and perhaps giving opinions on how to improve, instead of nothing at all.
Tis depressing, I have no idea why but it does depress me… maybe because I feel that it's all overlooked? idk.[/hide]
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[hide]I'd rather people critic my work, saying whether they like it or not and perhaps giving opinions on how to improve, instead of nothing at all.
Tis depressing, I have no idea why but it does depress me… maybe because I feel that it's all overlooked? idk.[/hide]I feel the same way about my work, even though I haven't been diligent in reviewing other people's stories for a while now. Making a story is sweet but it really feels nice when it's noticed (I know mine is, in case I sound ungrateful).
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Maybe so but if he hasn't tried both to their fullest then how could he possibly make an informed decision?
I can understand some things, like smoking for example or any other drug, but drinking is a completely different ball game with millions of varieties designed to meet all peoples needs.
Needs? Drinking is a need? that's news to me. I realize for some cultures, alcohol consumption is expected to be a daily thing more than others, so that kind of cultural attitude would probably have a harder time understanding why someone doesn't want to drink, but regardless, it's just a matter of taste, like anything else. Like coffee or tea, people work it into their lives and it becomes sort of a need as well as a source of enjoyment, but you can easily live without it, without feeling like you're missing something (unlike if you end up being forced to quit).
If you don't drink their is usually a really good reason why, something I haven't seen him give.
He did give one; he doesn't want to. Other than that, there is no reason he needs to give. If at some point he decides he wants to try it, then it should be because he really wants to, not feel pressured by others. No-brainer, yeah?
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@Cuddles:
@Marimo: I wouldn't worry about it too much. Friendships are sometimes more about memories than availability. Still, you can also use FB's private messages to chat with him and see how things are going.
And sometimes telling someone you care even if you're far away will be enough to make someone's day.
(If this post seems disjointed, it's because I just got up and am a bit groggy).I guess… though it's not really him I'm worried about specifically. I mean to say I feel like our relationship hasn't changed much at all. It was kind of funny/very slightly awkward cuz when he moved to the east coast, it got pushed to the back of my mind when summer came around cuz I was busy with other things. however, we still talked on fb (back then I was on fb a lot more) and I scarcely noticed his absence. so scarcely as a matter of fact, that I completely forgot he had moved when school started up again. So while I was subconsciously aware of his hyperactive absence, it never clicked until it came up randomly in an fb chat. though at least he wasn't mad that I forgot or anything (though I thought he was for a brief period of time). and I guess if I wanted to I could call his cell. and hey, I managed to get him to draw MLP, so our friendship is still in good standing.
I think what really gets me is losing touch with classmates I actually like. Is the solution to work up the courage to ask for their facebook? sometimes I can be ridiculous and get aggravated about sending friend requests because I'm paranoid that I'd be rejected because that person wasn't as close as I might have thought or something like that. Perhaps one of the only people who still continued to say "hi" to me whenever we passed by in the halls even after class was over was the most unexpected person. He was in my 6th grade class and then again in 11th grade. It was so embarrassing that I'd get all flustered every time he said it, but it made me really happy that he actually remembered who I was. Certain kinds of guys like to tease me, but they don't do that outside of class, so that hardly counts as a friendship (except two guys). Then of course people get separated when they head off for college. As for my current classmates, I'd really like to stay in touch. I've had a lot of fun with the guys from Japanese class. It's kind of like what AP Lit and Comp would have been like if there were fewer people with the same amount of liveliness.
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A few things have been on my mind the last few days. By comparison, I'm much better now than I was around Friday and Saturday, but I still feel the need to get some things off my chest. It isn't news for anyone I've talked to outside of AP and it really shouldn't be a surprise to anyone who doesn't already know. I guess I'm just out for closure? Something like that.
! I am transgendered. By that, I mean I want to physically transition to being a woman. The whole "girl in a boy's body" thing is something I've known all of my life but I've only accepted about 5 years ago and something I've really come to terms with in the last few years. This last year has been me growing up in a number of ways, but relating to the matter at hand I've told more people this past year than I have in my entire life. Part of it I think is thanks to that lovely disconnect when it comes to talking to people on the internet, but I have told a handful of my friends irl. Though I think it's more of a matter of I'm becoming more open to the idea of being myself, since for years it's been something like "I'll kill myself if anyone ever finds out". I guess it's like I told Kitsune, once you tell someone your darkest secret you'll end up telling many more people quickly.
! Though just telling the world I'm transgendered isn't the exact or only reason for this post. I'm kind of in a bind.
! See I've moved out of my parent's house onto an on-campus apartment. For once in my life I have experienced such wonderful personal freedom. In my parent's house I didn't have much privacy and my parents obsessively wanted to know everything I am doing at any given moment. Having the ability to drive out at 2AM and buy my first lady clothes knowing that I can actually hide them (my parents searched my old room all the time) makes me feel happy. I don't know how to adequately explain it to a "normal" person. Just buying a proper outfit and wearing it around the apartment (when my roomie isn't around ^_^;) just feels so right. Not sexual at all, just that everything feels as it should be. I don't know if that makes sense, but that's kind of the only way I can describe it. Though it's by no means the first time I've worn lady clothes, but the fact that these clothes are fit and are mine just fills me with happiness that brings me to tears. I think I'm mentally ready for hormone treatment as well.
! Though I did say I was in a bind didn't I?
! Realization hit not too long afterwards that I've hit a brick wall. I'm pretty much doing everything I can do (which is to say, not much) without actually coming out to the world, and more importantly my parents. I may have mentioned before how I'm not exactly on great terms with my parents. I've grown up in a very conservative home where I've been taught that gays are evil and anyone who gets a sex change is going to hell. I think it should be obvious from that last sentence why I'm not inclined to tell them. I think beyond even that, it's that I don't trust them. I know they'll take it the wrong way and disown me. I know that sounds like some hyperbole I'd say when I'm depressed, but that's entirely accurate. Even if I don't trust them, I still love my family and I don't want to lose them, but in the end, I inevitably will. It will be my fault for wanting to do something that makes me happy for once.
! So I'm stuck. I'm ready to actually begin my life as a woman with clothes and hormones and shit like that, even if I get all embarassed to buy lady clothes in public due to my shyier nature, but I simply cannot bring myself to face my parents, or God help me, the rest of my extended family who are even worse than them. My friends have told me that I shouldn't care about what them and I should just go ahead anyway (or as one friend put it, "just don't give a fuck") but I honestly can't even stand the thought of losing my family and I guess I'm going to keep being miserable unless I tell them. But they're happy with boy-me, and it feels wrong to try to rob that happiness from them just so I can be happy.
! That's basically it. Other than my family issues stopping me, I'm also concerned about how relationships are going to work in my position. I don't even have experience as it is, I can't imagine how difficult it is going to be in the future. But that's another bridge I'll cross when I get there. I already have enough on my hands that I don't know how to proceed with. I guess I'm just going to keep on going as best as I can until I find my answers.Feel free to get your torches and pitchforks.
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I already told you this, but the thing with AP is that nobody likes Lucci and everybody loves Bon Clay! Nobody's gonna chase you out with pitchforks, because I haven't seen any of them
unless they brandish them behind my back :ninja:!In any case, this changes nobody's opinion of you, and frankly, you have the awesome as shit distinction of being able to be hot in two genders. :getlost:
I'm proud of you!
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So I wandered in here with my torch and pitchfork for some reason. Someone put up signs.
