I've just came from the post office. I've got my legal name and gender change approved! Now I only have to wait for the digital database to update and then I can get my new birth certificate and subsequently my new IDs.
FINALLY!
I've just came from the post office. I've got my legal name and gender change approved! Now I only have to wait for the digital database to update and then I can get my new birth certificate and subsequently my new IDs.
FINALLY!
Congrats Nolus! :D
Ooo nice! Happy name day!
I've just came from the post office. I've got my legal name and gender change approved! Now I only have to wait for the digital database to update and then I can get my new birth certificate and subsequently my new IDs.
FINALLY!
Super happy for you Nolus!!! :)
I've just came from the post office. I've got my legal name and gender change approved! Now I only have to wait for the digital database to update and then I can get my new birth certificate and subsequently my new IDs.
FINALLY!
Congratulations! I hope the update will go quickly and smoothly, you deserve it.
I've just came from the post office. I've got my legal name and gender change approved! Now I only have to wait for the digital database to update and then I can get my new birth certificate and subsequently my new IDs.
FINALLY!
Hey, congratulations! :D
Why isn't it just… sexual?
I realize this post is almost two months old, but I wanted to answer.
I joined AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network) in 2010, and have also joined asexual groups on Facebook. We actually did used to refer to people who experience sexual attraction as sexuals. Allosexual isn't a term I started seeing until around 2014-2015, but I don't know the reason it suddenly started seeing a lot of use. By the time it started gaining use I had left AVEN for the most part and stuck with friends I met from facebook groups and their personal ace pages. I left AVEN because there started being a bunch of heated debates about whether the definition of asexuality was a lack of sexual attraction or lack of a libido. The site and most other sources defined it as a lack of sexual attraction, but some people challenged that definition and went with lack of libido instead, and that discourse was messy. It also involved a lot of what we refer to as asexual elitism, where people policed who is and isn't asexual based on personal interpretations of the definition of asexuality.
Most of the paperwork is either done or is in progress with results coming in the near future. I already use my new name when signing things and it's oddly satisfying. I don't even have to think about it much, it comes naturally. I'm also thankful for the people at the various offices being overall pretty professional about it. Things go surprisingly smoothly~ My colleagues are super supportive and I can share my happiness with them, which is awesome. I get sir'ed all the time, and overall feel more confident in my skin. I guess it's partly because of testosterone: having the right hormones in your system can do wonders for your being.
The media has almost completely ignored this, and it needs to be spread around.
Jesus, the shooter is still at large? Why would nobody even mention this?
Ok, It's pretty obvious why, but…I don't like the answer. :(
First of all, fuck off Mister Bot.
Secondly, I have a question. How justified is the exemption of gay men from being able to donate blood?
After going around to every doctor's office in a 50 mile radius that possibly services transgender patients, I finally found one. They are completely booked for at least the next three weeks. GG.
First of all, fuck off Mister Bot.
Secondly, I have a question. How justified is the exemption of gay men from being able to donate blood?
As far as I can tell, it isn't justified at all.
AIDS was first reported as GRID (Gay Related Immune Deficiency), and was widely seen as a disease exclusive to gay men throughout the 80s. The blood donation ban is a product of that era.
I asked some people from the Red Cross the same thing after i read their brochure and they said at least in Germany it is based on statistics.
2/3 of all new HIV-Cases were homosexual men while they make up only 3-5 % of the population. So by forbidding them from donating they eliminate the group with the highest amount of risk.
Not that i think it is okay, but that was their reasoning.
Last year they changed it a bit by allowing gay men to donate who haven't had sex in a year. I mean… it is a little step in the right direction. But they could at least allow them to donate if they live in a monogamous relationship. At least.
That's still bullshit excuses.
We'd have to go by a case by case search for the specifics of each country but blood donations are tested. Firstly to confirm the blood type and then for several viruses and infections including those sexually transmited.
Here's the page for the UK: https://www.blood.co.uk/the-donation-process/further-information/tests-we-carry-out/
I checked my country, Portugal, too and it's pretty much the same. We don't test for hepatites E. Brazil's also pretty much the same thing.
I found these out simply by searching "blood donations tested" on google. If you write something along those lines in the language of your country of origin/residence you'll find them easily too.
Not allowing gay people to donate blood is still very much a remnant of the school of though "Gay people are icky, eww".
@Below:
After going around to every doctor's office in a 50 mile radius that possibly services transgender patients, I finally found one. They are completely booked for at least the next three weeks. GG.
How many docs are there in your area? Just asking out of curiosity. Hungary has very few, at least from those who are actually experienced somewhat in transgender subjects and whatnot.
I hope it'll go well! I was always nervous when I had to talk about my "transness" to a new doc. I was lucky though that my psychiatrist turned out to be so helpful even though she's not specifically a gender-specialist.
–- Update From New Post Merge ---
As far as I can tell, it isn't justified at all.
AIDS was first reported as GRID (Gay Related Immune Deficiency), and was widely seen as a disease exclusive to gay men throughout the 80s. The blood donation ban is a product of that era.
I asked some people from the Red Cross the same thing after i read their brochure and they said at least in Germany it is based on statistics.
2/3 of all new HIV-Cases were homosexual men while they make up only 3-5 % of the population. So by forbidding them from donating they eliminate the group with the highest amount of risk.
Not that i think it is okay, but that was their reasoning.
Last year they changed it a bit by allowing gay men to donate who haven't had sex in a year. I mean… it is a little step in the right direction. But they could at least allow them to donate if they live in a monogamous relationship. At least.
That's still bullshit excuses.
We'd have to go by a case by case search for the specifics of each country but blood donations are tested. Firstly to confirm the blood type and then for several viruses and infections including those sexually transmited.
Here's the page for the UK: https://www.blood.co.uk/the-donation-process/further-information/tests-we-carry-out/
I checked my country, Portugal, too and it's pretty much the same. We don't test for hepatites E. Brazil's also pretty much the same thing.I found these out simply by searching "blood donations tested" on google. If you write something along those lines in the language of your country of origin/residence you'll find them easily too.
Not allowing gay people to donate blood is still very much a remnant of the school of though "Gay people are icky, eww".
Thank you for the answers!
I do have to wonder why this ban is necessary in many countries when they meticulously test the blood for a variety of diseases to make sure the patient on the receiving end turns out fine.
I also read/heard that things like HIV is more easily transmitted through anal intercourse, which is something straight couples have occasionally as well I believe. There's also a lot of difference between having one sex-partner (no matter if it's in a gay or straight relationship) or multiple partners over a period of time.
I admit I'm saddened by the fact that I most likely won't be able to donate blood anymore because me being a transman (two red flags in one, whoo, double-score!).
How many docs are there in your area? Just asking out of curiosity. Hungary has very few, at least from those who are actually experienced somewhat in transgender subjects and whatnot.
I hope it'll go well! I was always nervous when I had to talk about my "transness" to a new doc. I was lucky though that my psychiatrist turned out to be so helpful even though she's not specifically a gender-specialist.
Not very many according to my searches. I assume the one place I found was so busy because of it being the only place around that took in trans patients.
Fantastic. My documents are in order, I'm only awaiting my updated tax-card, I have changed my name on every account that matters (bank, gmail etc.), have opened a new Paypal account (closed the old one).
And what poses the biggest problem? Blizzard… It seems the documents I currently have aren't enough for them (ID, birth certificate, letter from the government) and I have to request an official document from the government about my name change. Support even said I will need such a document when purchasing a car/house.
So now I'm wondering if I have to forever disclose my transgender status each time I buy a fucking car. I have can provide necessary identification when asked, I'm legally male and Caleb, so why would I need to prove I wasn't always that?
This thought fills me with dread. Nice feeling for a Sunday afternoon. Have I not gone through enough hurdles already? I will continue to struggle still, I don't need another pile of dysphoric baggage I have to carry for the rest of my life.
I truly hope I'm misunderstandning something. I'm honestly just ranting because from cheerful confidence I dropped down to despair really quickly.
Hard to say how it works in a different country, but here at least making big purchases or joining a job or anything of the sort just requires some sort of background check. This includes previous aliases.
I do have with me legal copies of documents proving the name change and that all the legal processes were made properly in case anyone asks, since it makes sense that the government wants to keep records of people changing names that way you don't have people escaping debts or criminal records or the like.
Thing about being trans is that it doesn't matter how hard you work to pass or live a normal life, there will always be something to remind you. Whether it's background checks or going to the doctor or periods/lack of periods or talking about childhood pictures and memories…. there's always going to be little reminders to you and to the world.
For me, at least, the process was to learn to give less importance to those reminders and focus instead on all the successes that have occurred in the past several years. It's hard to ignore things like getting to be myself all the time or getting to have friends and family (and strangers!) acknowledge your correct gender without a second's thought.
I also remind myself that everyone has something about themselves that's unwanted baggage... for some of us it's being trans, and we have to learn to carry onward with that, just like other people learn to carry onward with whatever health or mental or social issue they happen to have.
Do you know about the manga title Shimanami Tasogare ?
It is still ongoing (1 chapter every 2 weeks). For once LGBT theme is treated in a really touching and realistic way. Also the art is extremely good.
I'm having chest reconstruction surgery on 17th May! I can hardly wait. I can't believe I might be able to go shirtless by the end of summer!
If you watch the news and see a segment about a guy with strange scars running around half-naked, howling at the moon and overall being creepy, that will be me.~
I think doctors usually advise to keep the zones affected by cirurgy covered from the sun a while longer, to avoid bad scaring, so careful with that part but congrats, man.
I think doctors usually advise to keep the zones affected by cirurgy covered from the sun a while longer, to avoid bad scaring, so careful with that part but congrats, man.
I know, I plan my shirtless escapade at night~ I'm awfully pale anyways and burn easily.
That's awesome Nolus! Wish you the best for no delays and speedy recovery :)
Thanks :) I feel like I've done and am still doing everything I can to be as healthy as possible~
So I had to stop taking testosterone two weeks prior to my surgery, which means I'm without T since Thursday. I may be hallucinating it, but feel kind of shitty. Makes me even more certain T is for me, even though I was 100% sure as it is.
In other news, a few weeks ago, my mom found out she was bisexual. Her life has taken an interesting turn, but she says she's happier than ever, and I'm so proud of her. She's discovering herself in way she never has before and enjoys every second of the ride. Things didn't go so smoothly though and matters are far from settled, but I'm confident she'll keep doing good.
She said she can understand me much better now. Interesting how she described her discovery as a result of years of having a strange feeling deep inside (I can relate greatly to that).
I'm just so incredibly happy for her~
I had to go off E for two months and that was pretty wretched after a while. So it's probably not a hallucination Nolus :)
And I'm glad your mom has found some new things to be excited about! I hope she can be happy with everything :)
Surgery was today. I'm currently in a bed at the clinic, watching NatGeo and enjoying a full stomach. I haven't eaten for 24 hours on doctor's orders.
I feel awesome. I had to say goodbye to my nipples due to how my boobs were strucutured, but the healing process will be faster this way, and I will get "replacement" in half a year or a year.
So, you look like an anime character now?
Haha, I guess so. I still have bandages on, so I haven't actually seen it, but the doc told me it turned out well.
I'm happy for you Nolus :)
@Serra:
I'm happy for you Nolus :)
Thank you :) Your support means a lot~
I'm finally rid of the drains and oh boy, what a feeling. Still have to wear the compression bandage thingie, but now only the two scars are tapet down. Honestly, it feels kinda freeing. It's ridiculous how much my mood improved now that the drains are gone.
Also, I had a look at my new chest. It's swollen and it lacks nipples, but it's so… strange and yet good. Now I will finally be able to see my pecks once I get back to training.
Now I'll try and gift my binders to my fellow Hungarian transmen. If there are no takers, I'll ask around reddit.
Threadicus reanimatus!
So, with Pride Month in full swing, I wanted to ask about a topic that has been bothering me for almost a year now, namely, queer relationship. By that I mean a non-straight relationship between two or three people.
The thing that bothers me about this subject is that I have a hard time imagining a couple whose dynamic doesn't fall into the typical male/female category, even among gay people. You probably heard the question one typically asks from gay men: "So, which one of you is the woman in the relationship?" as if there lied a universal rule that determines that all couples, no matter if they're straight, gay or bi, should consist of a woman-part and a man-part. I reject this whole notion, yet I seem to have a hard time imagining what a "non-traditional" relationship dynamic looks like. Partly because I haven't really been in a queer relationship and partly because I don't really have friends or acquaintances who might challenge this norm.
I'm honestly unsure what I'm looking for exactly. Maybe real life stories, videos, movies, novels etc. that can expand my horizon.
As a gay transman that might be somewhat (but not fully) bisexual (I'm working out the details), I strive to find a partner with whom I'm able to build a relationship free of these norms and restricting stereotypes. I have no interest in being "the man" in the relationship (let alone "the lady"), all I want to be is me, whatever that turns out to be.
After all these years can I just say that I am so grateful that you are letting us be a part of your life like this. I'm always extremely happy when you post and things seem to be working out for you.
As for your question, it really boils down to this, doesn't it?
all I want to be is me, whatever that turns out to be.
That's all everybody should be doing. Breaking with century-long traditions is of course a hard thing to do, but as long as you stay true to yourself and your partner does the same (or partners), you'll obviously figure it out for yourselves. What others think shouldn't matter and hopefully doesn't. Okay, that's a lot of trite advice, I know. But I believe it applies. And I got nothing else except possibly inapproppriate videos loosely related to the topic… :ninja:
There's still people who want there to be a delineated boundary, so the questions probably won't stop for a while. However, this doesn't mean you can't have a proper relationship without one being "the man" and one being "the woman" because that implies one person is dominant and one person is submissive. I think the key is to just communicate and do what's best for the partnership as it relates to yourself, while respecting the needs of the other(s) in the relationship as well.
After all these years can I just say that I am so grateful that you are letting us be a part of your life like this. I'm always extremely happy when you post and things seem to be working out for you.
As for your question, it really boils down to this, doesn't it?
That's all everybody should be doing. Breaking with century-long traditions is of course a hard thing to do, but as long as you stay true to yourself and your partner does the same (or partners), you'll obviously figure it out for yourselves. What others think shouldn't matter and hopefully doesn't. Okay, that's a lot of trite advice, I know. But I believe it applies. And I got nothing else except possibly inapproppriate videos loosely related to the topic… :ninja:
I'm glad my random ramblings and stories about stumbling through transition and self-discovery bring you joy~
Although I'm struggling with cramps and general fatigue and irritability nowadays due to me kinda sorta having a period (?). I've been to doctors, and none of them said I have anything life threatening, so I assume it's something I have to endure for less than two months now. Surgery is likely to take place at the beginning of August. This will actually mark a huge milestone in my transition, as in I won't be having any more surgeries for a good couple of years after that. Namely for financial reasons and also because I'm still a bit unsure about bottom surgery.
I'm honestly looking forward to be able to get truly comfortable in the new state of my body without having to worry about school or getting randomly cramped up.
@Serra:
There's still people who want there to be a delineated boundary, so the questions probably won't stop for a while. However, this doesn't mean you can't have a proper relationship without one being "the man" and one being "the woman" because that implies one person is dominant and one person is submissive. I think the key is to just communicate and do what's best for the partnership as it relates to yourself, while respecting the needs of the other(s) in the relationship as well.
That makes sense. I do want a relationship where we can both discuss our feelings and thoughts without fearing upsetting the other party. Openness is key, as well as emotional maturity.
I do wonder through what channels I'll be able to find my future partner. I tried Tinder, which is so laughably useless to me it's astonishing, Grindr which is… well, arguably not the best place to look for serious romantic relationships, and finally, Gayromeo. This one actually holds a lot of promise and despite the fact that my profile is currently deactivated, I plan on reactivating once I'm through with the surgery. I also joined a gay club for university students, where I'm out to most regulars and older members. The club has movie-nights, game-nights (with boardgames), drink-nights and other seasonal programs (we went skating in January). Barhopping and dancing and other events that might be more classically associated with the gay scene didn't do it for me. Boardgames and other nerdy things is where I feel I can really be me.
Yeah, a lot of popular venues for online dating don't do well by queer relationships. OKCupid does have a decent-sized queer userbase, though, so if you haven't tried it, then maybe you'll find some more success there.
As for trying to break out of the mold for relationships, it's definitely a tough thing to do. A lot of our cultural engagement with and language about relationships is coated in straight monogamy, and it takes a lot of self-examination and unlearning to get past that.
I'm poly and it took me a while to get there and I still catch myself occasionally framing relationships in that traditional way. Breaking out of it has definitely been a positive, though, for all my relationships. Honestly, I never even dated before engaging with poly thought, because that idea of a traditional relationship just conflicted with my worldview, long before I realized it. I was always frustrated by the idea of suddenly meeting someone and then valuing that relationship above any friendships I had made. I internalized those ideas and it made me think that friendships had to be limited, too, because they were never supposed to be as deep as that one romantic relationship. After meeting poly friends, though, I started to understand that things didn't have to be that way. Relationships - romantic or otherwise - are a spectrum, each involving different levels of intimacy that are free to change and grow in whatever ways they do. Thinking that way helped me understand that new relationships didn't have to supersede old ones in any way, that friendships can be deeply intimate and that, at the end of the day, there isn't really much separating them from romantic relationships. It's also helped me understand that relationships don't have to look like anything. They're just whoever you let yourself be emotionally and/or physically intimate with to whatever extent you want to be.
Of course we all work in different ways, and you may reach different conclusions in a different way. Hearing alternative ideas helped influence me, though, so I hope my rambling thoughts might have a shred of value in that way.
wait a moment. Chevre is goat in french???? That means cool in venezuelan!
Can't say anything about the subject at hand tho. Other people will impose their narrative on everyone else, but only yourself can decide wich roles do you like or not, take what works for you, leave the rest, treat people who ask stupid questions like little kids first.
sigh I appears JK Rowling, for all she seems to support homosexuals, does NOT support trans individuals:
https://medium.com/@Phaylen/jk-rowling-confirms-stance-against-transgender-women-9bd83f7ca623
Dammit, Rowling, you're making it harder to read.
wait a moment. Chevre is goat in french???? That means cool in venezuelan!
These Latin languages really mess with each other.
Dammit, Rowling, you're making it harder to read.
Yeah, well, she's been doin' for a while now. For a variety of reasons.
Yeah, a lot of popular venues for online dating don't do well by queer relationships. OKCupid does have a decent-sized queer userbase, though, so if you haven't tried it, then maybe you'll find some more success there.
As for trying to break out of the mold for relationships, it's definitely a tough thing to do. A lot of our cultural engagement with and language about relationships is coated in straight monogamy, and it takes a lot of self-examination and unlearning to get past that.
I'm poly and it took me a while to get there and I still catch myself occasionally framing relationships in that traditional way. Breaking out of it has definitely been a positive, though, for all my relationships. Honestly, I never even dated before engaging with poly thought, because that idea of a traditional relationship just conflicted with my worldview, long before I realized it. I was always frustrated by the idea of suddenly meeting someone and then valuing that relationship above any friendships I had made. I internalized those ideas and it made me think that friendships had to be limited, too, because they were never supposed to be as deep as that one romantic relationship. After meeting poly friends, though, I started to understand that things didn't have to be that way. Relationships - romantic or otherwise - are a spectrum, each involving different levels of intimacy that are free to change and grow in whatever ways they do. Thinking that way helped me understand that new relationships didn't have to supersede old ones in any way, that friendships can be deeply intimate and that, at the end of the day, there isn't really much separating them from romantic relationships. It's also helped me understand that relationships don't have to look like anything. They're just whoever you let yourself be emotionally and/or physically intimate with to whatever extent you want to be.
Of course we all work in different ways, and you may reach different conclusions in a different way. Hearing alternative ideas helped influence me, though, so I hope my rambling thoughts might have a shred of value in that way.
I tried OkCupid, but I didn't see many people there. I'll give it another try when I feel ready to delve into the dating scene again.
I really should read more and get informed about polyamory, because I know next to nothing about it. I confess that I have been overly immersed in FTM literature these past years, and haven't really devoted time to other parts of this diverse tapestry that we call gender, sexuality and relationships.
Thank you for your input! I wholeheartedly agree with you on the "romantic relationships aren't a step above friendships" notion. One thing I'm a 100% sure about is that I want my partner to be my friend as well. I want to feel at ease with them and do the same silly things I do with my friends. I don't want to be worshiped nor do I want to worship them.
@Satsuki:
sigh I appears JK Rowling, for all she seems to support homosexuals, does NOT support trans individuals:
https://medium.com/@Phaylen/jk-rowling-confirms-stance-against-transgender-women-9bd83f7ca623Dammit, Rowling, you're making it harder to read.
It's profoundly disheartening to see this division between gay/lesbian people and transpeople, especially after I've read about the Stonewall Riots and the beginning of the fight for Gay Liberation. And also knowing that homophobia and transphobia have in essence the same roots. Not to mention the overlap between these groups (heck, I'm a gay transman, and I'm sure as hell not the only one). Not to mention that we really shouldn't be fighting against one another because we are not enemies. Yet some of us are trying to divide based on false assumptions and prejudice. The same thing that has been used (and is still used to some extent) to negatively differentiate between members of the LGBTQAI+ community and everyone else.
I freakin' loved the books as a kid. The franchise was a huge part of my teenage years, I grew up waiting for and reading the books one after another.
Rowling thankfully hasn't seemed to let any of those thoughts invade her books. Hell, even Dumbledore is gay, but I suppose trans is just a little too far for her.
Shame on you, Rowling. Don't let your books suffer any more.
Rowling thankfully hasn't seemed to let any of those thoughts invade her books. Hell, even Dumbledore is gay, but I suppose trans is just a little too far for her.
Shame on you, Rowling. Don't let your books suffer any more.
Too late.
Rowling thankfully hasn't seemed to let any of those thoughts invade her books. Hell, even Dumbledore is gay, but I suppose trans is just a little too far for her.
Shame on you, Rowling. Don't let your books suffer any more.
I mean, even the progressive thoughts like Dumbledore being gay didn't invade the books either.
I'm kind of ok treating Rowling much like George Lucas at this point. Someone who created a great world of fantasy that has done a lot for popular culture, but who I'd rather not acknowledge anymore as knowing what's best for that property.
WAIT WHAT? We dont want trans people on Harry Potter? What? Trans people are awesome!
So, recently, on a Discord server I used to be on, I literally met individuals who hate transgender people. I just don't understand how you can hate someone for who they are…. (This was a few weeks ago.)
Like I can understand if you don't believe in transgenderism, but literally hating someone because of being one? I guess they are so unhappy with themselves, they must spread their hatred onto others, I don't know. What do you all think?
[Is transgender myself, though truly, I tend to keep my identify a secret unless I know I'm accepted or feel like I should tell people about it.]
@Stranger:
I guess they are so unhappy with themselves, they must spread their hatred onto others, I don't know.
It's pretty much that, actually.
I dunno, I feel like it's more of a lack of empathy rather than just "self hate directed outwards", as with homophobia. Most cis folks can't even imagine how it would be to not identify with their own body, and from that complete lack of understanding comes the hate.