Okay time for TLC's super hilarious comical breakdown rants! This will be very hard to do for this movie since it's so badly edited and poorly structured, all the scenes are blending together out of order in my head but I'll try to keep this as coherent as possible, more than the film tried to be at any rate.
! Movie starts with a quick recap of Batman's origin story as he's going to his parents' funeral. And then it switches to his parents' murder. And back again. It keeps shuffling between them. Did we need both these scenes, wouldn't one have sufficed to explain Batman's origin story? Batman at the funeral runs away and falls into a hole and sees the bats, we all saw Batman Begins, we know how this goes. Except in this version little Bruce Wayne is flying…wait the bats are carrying him? Wait is this a dream? So a dream and a flashback are happening concurrently? it's been three minutes and I'm already confused!
! EIGHTEEN MONTHS LATER. Well that's a shift, oh hey Snyder is repeating the end of Man of Steel because that's such an "amazing" fight we couldn't get enough of. But now we see Bruce Wayne's role in the story! Which mostly involves calling a stupid executive to evacuate from a building. This scene is really hilarious because as he's calling, the executive has already seen the alien spaceship destroy Metropolis and it takes Bruce Wayne's call for him to go "Ah...erm I don't know, maybe I should leave? Ah everyone, should we leave?" He never leaves by the way, just keeps standing by the window like a goober until the building gets blown up. We're supposed to feel sad for this even though we only knew this moron for like two minutes. Bruce Wayne makes it to ground zero and we see HORSE. No really, first shot at ground zero and we see a riderless horse walk away from the wreckage without a scratch and Ben Affleck's nonplussed reaction at this horse which is priceless. This horse fascinates me to the point that I'll go on a random tangent about him. Who is this horse? What happened to its rider? Why is it unharmed and the rider nowhere to be seen? Why did Zack Snyder think it was a good idea to shoot a scene with this horse, it's just distracting and makes the scene look kind of comical. I get that some of the NYPD use horses to avoid traffic but to see a horse still kind of distracts from the carnage of the situation! Who are you horse? What do you want!?! Oh, where was I, oh yeah Bruce Wayne helps some guy whose legs got crushed by a steel beam get away. He also sees a little orphan girl and angrily hugs her while seething at Superman. The purpose of this scene was to establish his hatred for Superman though personally, I wasn't that invested in his emotional turmoil given the only loss I felt was the never seen dead mom of some random kid, the legs of some random guy and a too stupid to live executive.
! MEANWHILE IN AFRICA. What the shit? Okay I guess we're jumping to Africa now. At a compound with a collection of black and white guys. And two people show up. Hello Lois Lane and random camera guy. What are you doing here? Oh I guess you're interviewing terrorists. I know this because Lois asks a guy "Are you a terrorist?" Ah Lois Lane, Grade A journalist. Oh hey Camera guy has a tracker in his camera, he's CIA. I guess this is a sting operation? Man you're dumping a lot of information here movie. One of the white guy shoots the camera man, we're supposed to feel bad for Lois and her connection with the camera guy even though we've only known him for literally 60 seconds. Leader of the black guys takes Lois in for questioning and then the....white guys shoot the rest of the black guys and leave? What? I thought we were on the same side? Then Superman shows up to save Lois. Superman, how did you know Lois was in Africa on a stupid sting operation? Black terrorist threatens to kill Lois with a gun to her head and Superman...flies so hard into the guy that he flies through a concrete wall....CUT TO A CONGRESSIONAL MEETING IN AMERICA. WAIT, what the shit, did Superman kill that guy? Go back, did Superman kill that guy!?! Also gotta love Lois Lane, the most useless female character, it hasn't been five minutes and Superman had to save her from her stupidity.
! Anyway, um we see a random African woman blame the death of all the black guys on Superman. Wait what, who is she? Why does the American government care if Superman killed a bunch of African terrorists and WHY would people Superman think he killed them when they can just check the bullet riddled corpses and come to the obvious conclusion it wasn't Superman because SUPERMAN DOESN'T USE GUNS!
! CUT TO Lois and Superman having a couple conversation and making love in a bathtub. CUT TO police investigating a ring of human sex trafficking. Okay movie slow the fuck down, it's only been less than ten minutes and it's been all over the place. Its had like FIVE opening scenes. Most movies only have one! So yeah police are investigating a building and find a cage full of Asian sex workers. I'd remind you this movie is meant for the whole family, children included. And they're screaming about the devil upstairs! They go up and find Batman who just decided to hang around for no reason when he had plenty of time to leave almost causing the police officers to shoot each other by accident. And then they find the sex trafficker Batman left behind. Who Batman branded with his batarang. See in this movie, Batman is a psychopath who brands criminals so other prisoners in prison will get a sign to murder him. That's fucked up. Even if they're scum, Batman shouldn't do that shit. Again, this movie is meant for kids! I also don't get how it works, he brands a guy and other criminals are like, well batman branded him, might as well kill him even though we hate Batman too!
! CUT TO, oh my god is this supposed to be our Lex Luthor? Oh dear God...is he....is he feeding candy directly into a senator's mouth. What....what the hell? I can't even begin to describe what completely terrible miscasting and what completely misguided direction is involved with this character. Suffice it to say he starts off unintentionally hilarious and only gets more and more sad and pathetic as the movie goes on. And that's not even getting into how terribly written his character motivations are. And before anyone says it I know this is supposed to be his son which just reeks as a last minute change to justify how NOT Lex Luthor this character is.
! So uh Luthor wants Zod's body and the Kryptonian spaceship wreckage so he can use it to examine some kryptonite he found. The government just...uh...gives it to him I guess? He also decides to throw a party and invites Bruce Wayne and Clark Kent! I wonder where this is going!? Cut to the Daily Planet with black Perry White heading an editorial meeting. Funnily female Jimmy Olsen is nowhere to be seen. On the news Clark Kent sees a news report about Batman branding criminals which is the one and only reason he has animosity towards Batman and which will fuel his personal rivalry. Lois Lane is shaking a bullet she found in Africa saying it's made of an unknown material and could potentially exonerate Superman given where it could be made from. Again, the mere existence of the bullet should exonerate Superman but I digress. On the news, we switch to the random paraplegic who lost his legs in the beginning of the movie vandalizing a statue of Superman, I guess he blames Superman for what happened in Metropolis even though he'd be flat out dead if it weren't for him. I mean it sucks losing your legs sure, but it's been two years! Prosthetics have come a long way, you could be up and running marathons in no time if you try! Though I am surprised Metropolis built a statue for Superman given what a shitty job he did in protecting it, wasn't this movie supposed to be about him answering to his inexperience from the first movie? Luthor bails out the paraplegic and meets with him to do something for him later on.
! Cut to the batcave where we see Bruce and Alfred fixing shit. I actually really like Alfred in this, he's the only likable character. I actually like Ben Affleck's portrayal of Bruce Wayne too, it's a shame the character himself is so horribly written. Anyway Bruce and Alfred are discussing some weird data they found at the sex trafficker place to tarnish Superman's reputation and it somehow points to Luthor so they use the party invitation to infiltrate his system. Clark Kent spots him at the party and asks a guy who he is. Clark, you're supposed to be a journalist and can't even recognize the world's most famous billionaire? He hears Alfred and Bruce talking using Bruce's ear piece with his super hearing which actually is a clever way for Clark to discover he's Batman. And then he does nothing and let's Bruce wander around unchecked. Bruce puts a thingamajig to hack Luthor's computers and is spotted by Luthor's assistant Mercy. Who does nothing and leaves him alone. Wonder Woman shows up out of nowhere and takes his thing for no reason. Okaaaaay. Bruce and Clark have that scene in the trailer where they talk and Luthor shows up and eyewinks at the camera at how they're gonna fight. Superman leaves the party to go save people. This is spliced with a Senator Lady talking about how Superman needs to be held accountable for his actions and that he isn't a god all the while Superman is saving people and being surrounded with jesus symbolism. So I guess even if she doesn't think he's a God, the film sure does.
! Cut to Luthor and Female Senator having a meeting. Female Senator said she changed her mind and is not letting Luthor have Zodd and the spaceship. Jesse Eisenberg (who plays Lex Luthor) tries to act intimidating and fails miserably. Female Senator tells him she can spin shit all he wants, he's not going to drink his piss. Luthor is like...we'll see about that! Okaaaay...
! CUT TO Bruce Wayne finds Wonder Woman again and asks for his thingamajig back. She says okay but boys should share more. Why did you take it in the first place? How did he find her? So Bruce Wayne goes back to the Bat Cave and starts downloading the data. CUT TO BATMAN IN AFRICA! What?! Africa again? Batman finds a shipment of kryptonite but then he gets ambushed by a bunch of soldiers who kill Batman's men! Batman has men? And then giant winged demons show up! And they capture Batman. And Superman shows up and he rips off Batman's mask. And then he punches Batman's chest cavity out of his body! And no I am not smoking drugs, this is actually fucking happening! Okay so obviously this is a dream right? So Batman wakes up...and he sees Flash stuck in some weird time portal going on about how Lois Lane is the key and he has to prevent Superman from going insane...and then Batman wakes up again...
! If you were confused about that last paragraph, don't worry, we were too. Was that a dream, a hallucination, a vision? Did Batman wake up twice? What was going on!? The comic nerd in me knows they were setting up Injustice which is a story where we have an evil Superman from another reality who shows up to take over our Superman's reality. If you're a casual film watcher though, you'll have no fucking clue what was going on. I didn't know what was going on until I looked it up later. The film is trying to set up future sequels but is doing it in the most obtuse, forced ways imaginable.
! Anyway Bruce Wayne finds out about a shipment of Kryptonite. He tells Alfred he's gonna steal it to use it to kill Superman. Alfred asks him why? Batman says they have to kill him because he could destroy the world, dammit! I get where he's coming from but the movie is so badly edited you really don't connect to him at all, the movie does a poor job of building up to this decision given how all over the place it was that it feels less like Batman is doing this because of what happened in Metropolis and more because he just had a bad dream about Superman. Anyway, Batman goes to take the kryptonite from Luthor's men. And this is where Batman's character really falls apart. I want to remind you that Luthor's men are just doing their job LEGALLY transporting goods for the company. And Batman shows up and starts murdering them. He chases them with his batmobile, making them crash into gas tankers and flipping them over into each other and clearly murdering them. Granted they're firing back and shooting missile launchers at him but they're just doing their job to protect the cargo! They get away though because out of nowhere Superman shows up and block's Batman's way. Batman decides to be suicidal and rams into Superman and he comically bounces off him like a little toy car. Superman yanks him out of the car and tells him if he doesn't quit being Batman, he'll kill him. Our hero everyone! Batman just looks at him like a chump and says he'll make him bleed if it's the last thing he does! Cue laugh track!
! There are a bunch of scenes I'm forgetting their precise order of. Lois Lane is in Washington asking about the bullets and says they could only have been made at Lexcorp. So Lex Luthor is responsible for what happened in Africa I guess? This subplot is completely worthless and is only there to give Lois lane something to do. Also there's a quick scene of Superman visiting his mom so she could tell him to fuck the world and let it burn. Thanks mom for the inspirational advice! Batman has another dream about his dead mom who turns into a monster bat and attacks him, it was just another cheap attempt at a jump scare.
! Anyway senator lady requests Superman to come to a congressional hearing. She invites the paraplegic to attend. The senator lady will finally confront Superman about his actions in...Africa? So Superman is going to be put on trial for the random shit in Africa that NO ONE watching this film cares about instead of the bigger issue of his action in Metropolis? Wasn't the whole point of the ending of Man of Steel was Superman making a lot of mistakes that he'll pay for in this movie? Isn't that what you said Zack Snyder, you filthy liar? But now that's apparently not even a thing to the point that Superman has a statue dedicated to him? Couldn't we have cut out all this Africa stuff and just had it about that? It's like Snyder is saying, no fuck you guys, my vision for Man of Steel is perfect, I refuse to apologize for it! Sigh...okay so long as there are some interesting theme explorations on Superman, I'm happy I guess... So Senator lady starts on her speech against Superman while drinking a cup of water...and she stops. Because she has a weird taste in her mouth. She turns the cup around and sees a label showing it as Lex Luthor's pee. Yes, Lex Luthor, one of the most iconic DC villains in history, in this movie, made a woman drink his pee. Then the paraplegic blows up killing everyone at the meeting except Superman because he had bombs stuck in his wheelchair....
! You know, I like to think this as an unintentional metaphor for us, the audience. We come into this movie expecting a smart discussion on the thematics of responsibility and accountability in our actions. Instead Zack Snyder pees in our mouth and blows it up in front of our faces. Luthor also let his assistant Mercy get blown up when he could have easily told her not to go. I know this is supposed to make him look evil but it just seems like a pointless waste of a good assistant. The public blames this on Superman for no reason when an examination of camera footage or ruins of the explosion would easily exonerate him. Superman acts all sad about this and tells Lois he's leaving because he sucks too much, he failed to save those people at Congress, he doesn't deserve to be Superman dammit! Though he sure wasn't broken up in Man of Steel when his decision to not protect Metropolis first resulted in the deaths of millions oh sorry tens of thousands oh sorry wait only five thousand people died, what the hell Snyder? Anyway, he does this emotional action while acting completely unemotional because none of the characters in this movie are actual characters but exposition boxes. Meanwhile Batman stole all of Luthor's kryptonite off-screen. This just happens though I guess Luthor was planning it all along? He goes to the spaceship with Zodd's body and does a lot of random science shit with it.
! I want to point out at this point of how Lex Luthor's character motivations make no sense. What is his plan exactly? He seems like he wants to prove Superman isn't a god. Though I don't know for what reason. This seems to go against the core principle of the Luthor character which is an intelligent, ruthless businessman in a quest for power and doing only things that provide him with a substantial benefit. This Luthor is just doing random nonsensical shit like the Joker. Except even the Joker makes more sense than him. Also the movie treats him like some master planner manipulating events to get Superman and Batman to fight but nothing about his plans make any sense and all his actions manipulate vaguely connected events that somehow work out to drive Batman and Superman against each other dependent on a lot of luck and the characters' stupidity. He frames Superman for Africa even though he had no way of knowing Lois Lane would be there, that Superman would know she was there, that the African government would blame Superman. His tactics against Batman is even dumber where he basically just sends a bunch of troll letter's on the paraplegic's disability checks, letters Batman never found for two years, while that time the paraplegic was denied money for his disability. Which explains why he never got those prosthetics but not why he never complained to Waynecorp about it or why Bruce Wayne, who is supposed to care about him, never checked up on him. And now he's just tinkering around the ship doing random shit that he has no clear understanding how it would work exactly and again for the most vaguely, defined, nonsensical reasons.
! Batman is getting shit ready for his fight with Superman because he stupidly believes that Superman was responsible for the explosion, world's greatest detective indeed, he sends Wonder Woman the data he got from Lex Luthor for some reason and here we get the most, shameless, forced attempt to sequel bait other movies. Watch as the movie stops for four minutes, to show trailers for other DC heroes. I am serious. See the file has data on Wonder Woman, Flash, Aqua Man and Cyborg all conveniently marked with the superhero's logo which I have no idea how Luthor knew if they never wore those logos before in their life! It's funny to note that Wonder Woman's logo is the first W in the WWE logo. So Wonder Woman just sits down to watch these trailers which serves absolutely no purpose to the plot but is just there to force these cameos. Because my god, DC will catch up to Marvel and have their Justice League movie come hell or high water!
! Superman is in the Himalayas brooding and he sees a vision of his dead dad. His dad tells him a story about how he had to let another farm drown to save his own. This is somehow inspirational to Superman. Ah Pa Kent, giving awful advice even in death. I guess the point is you can't save everyone but it really comes off as being unhelpful and dismissive about Superman's emotional turmoil. This is supposed to be Superman's "character" arc though I don't see what exactly Superman learned or how he grew. It all happened so quickly and incoherently with barely to none characterization, it is impossible to be invested. Superman basically moped a little, a ghost vision of his dad came out of nowhere to give a terrible story that had little relevance, and now he's over himself. This is just the worst writing.
! Anyway Luthor captures Lois Lane because apparently he knew about Clark Kent being Superman all along, once again Lois lane fulfilling her only role in this movie, he throws her off a building and Superman conveniently saves her even though he had no way of knowing where she was or that she was even in trouble. Superman confronts Luthor and tells him he's going to take him in and Luthor reveals SURPRISE he kidnapped his mom and now he has to fight and kill Batman or he'll kill her in an hour. So yes, in a movie about Superman, a symbol of hope and goodness in the world, Superman is blackmailed to murder someone and he accepts. You know, for kids.
! Batman is waiting in this super cool armor and Superman shows up to confront him. Superman, in his defense, starts calmly walking towards Batman trying to make him simmer down and explain the situation. Not in his defense, he doesn't just immediately shout 'LEX LUTHOR HAS MY MOM, OH MY GOD DON'T SHOOT!" Because they have to fight. Because I know I want my central conflicts on a movie to be based on flimsy misunderstandings and poor character logic. They have this admittedly kinda badass fight where Batman basically kicks the shit out of him using kryptonian....gas canisters? What, kryptonite can be turned to gas form? Not even the cartoons did that. Wouldn't it be smarter to make them bullets? It seems like less trouble and you'd be able to make more. Also the bullets would stay stuck in him opposed to the gas which has a temporary effect. Batman is about to kill Superman with a Kryptonian spear when we get the most stupid moment in the movie.
! Batman raises his spear about to stick it into Superman when Superman screams out "HE'S GOT MARTHA!' and Batman dramatically screams out "WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAAAAAAAAME, WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAMMMMEEE, WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAMMMME!" If Lois hadn't shown up at that moment to explain that's the name of his mom, I'm convinced Batman would have just kept yelling that to perpetuity. Anyway the big tweest is apparently, Superman and Batman's moms had the same name. And it's for that reason and that reason alone that Batman decided to stop attacking Superman and become friends and help him rescue his mom (which involved him brutally murdering more people and shooting a guy in his flame thrower causing him to explode in front of Martha...why didn't you just shoot him in the head then, it would have had the same result with less risk to the hostage)...yes you read that right. So after EVERYTHING, Metropolis, all the lost lives Batman thinks Superman is responsible for, all the xenophobia and hatred and the speeches of Superman being a risk to the world that must be eliminated even if it's a 1% chance, it's all forgotten, because their moms had the same name...
! Now some could point out, that it's more complex than that and them having moms with the same name was a wake-up call to Batman that Superman is human like him and they're more similar than they thought. I call that a load of horseshit and that Batman's personal grievances with Superman were more complex and justifiable than some things that could be waved away with a trigger word. I think it really makes Batman's character look shallow and superficial that the mere concept that Superman didn't just sprout from the ground but has an actual origin and background and history could make him stop. Lois Lane might as well screamed "You can't kill him, he has a mom!" and Batman replied" HE HAS A MOOOOOM!!?!" in terms of how convincing it was to me. So what, if their moms had different names, he would have killed him? Just how stupid could this movie be? For all the hype and buildup this big conflict has had, it was poorly set up, poorly built up and very, very poorly resolved. It doesn't feel big, it doesn't feel like it had a point, it just feels like a thing that happened in this movie among countless things that happened in this movie without any rhyme or purpose and the only purpose it served was to satisfy Snyder's boner to have these tow characters fight not to actually tell a story or explore Superman or Batman's characters. Any promise of exploring Superman's inexperience from the first movie and the public's perception of him were lost in the cutting room floor at best and flat out lies at worst. Snyder tries to address it with random tv segments here and there and the whole congressional hearing but they don't really mean anything, they don't tie to anything, they're just white noise. This movie has no story, it has no characters, the only purpose of this movie is cheap superficial action and even that is undermined with how long the movie is and how obfuscated it is with all this random depressing shit no one cares for and this horribly structured, horribly edited movie.
! And we're not done yet. Cause remember the tinkering around Luthor did? Well the egg has finally hatched to form Doomsday this super power being that looks like a teenage mutant ninja turtle fucked the Abomination from the second Hulk movie. What is even Luthor's plan in this? I don't know, the only reason Doomsday didn't kill him immediately is because Superman saved him. And what transpires for the next 20 minutes is a fight scene with Batman, Superman and Wonderwoman that goes on for waaaaaay tooo lonnnnnng. And I actually was kinda into it just for the nice visuals and seeing the trinity work together like that but my god is it endless all for a fight that is excessive not just in terms of movie length but especially in terms of the story. Doomsday is a big deal villain, the only guy to ever kill Superman in the comics, he's something to be saved for a Justice League movie but instead DC is shoving him in here at the last minute as a surprise end boss villain. Also got to love how they're fighting in an area which was conveniently pointed out to be uninhabited because Snyder got the memo that civilian casualties was not okay but did not understand that we kinda want to see Superman go the extra mile to protect civilians so instead he invents convenient uninhabited areas to insult our intelligence and passively aggressively backhand people that complained about his first movie. I'm not even going to go into the details of the action scene except for the very end.
! Now you remember that Kryptonian spear Batman was going to use on Superman? Well, Lois Lane in all her brilliance decided to throw it away into a pool of water. Turns out that's the ONLY thing that can kill Doomsday. Whoops! So Lois Lane goes back to get it back. Only rocks collapse on her exit and she almost drowns. Superman had to come in and save her again. Lois Lane is like the antithesis of strong, female characters. Constantly failing, constantly having to be saved, constantly incapable of doing anything worthwhile except for the most trivial of things which even then she fucks up! And that's not the most hilarious part, the hilarious part was Superman diving in for the Kryptonian spear (instead of getting Batman or Wonderwoman to do it) and then floating up to the surface like a dead goldfish. "I'll get the spear!" Dives in Floats to the surface face down Are we sure Snyder isn't making an intentional parody at this point?
! Anyway Superman decides to sacrifice himself to defeat Doomsday by stabbing him in the spear that affects him just as much, even though he could have just as easily handed it over to Wonder Woman who isn't affected by kryptonite. He gives his obligatory love you speech to Lois and rams it into him getting stabbed by Doomsday in the progress, big explosion, Doomsday is destroyed and Superman is killed. Uh huh "killed".
! We cut to Superman's funeral...which we have to suffer for three minutes. Go through all the motions of folding the American flag, firing cannons to mark his passing, all that for something we know won't stick. At this point, I'm praying he hurries up and comes back from the dead so we can end this movie. Wonder Woman and Batman talk abotu collecting Justice League members. is it over yet? No. Batman confronts Luthor in prison and threatens to brand him but...decides not to for no real reason. I guess hearing Martha's name has made him stop being a psychopath. Luthor, who is bald now to look like Lex Luthor even though Snyder said this was the son, is rambling about how HE'S coming, the bells are ringing, ding ding ding ding ding ding ding, he keeps doing this for 20 seconds. I guess to mark the coming of Darkseid which a casual film goer would NEVER understand. Also no clue how Luthor knows about Darkseid, he just does because we need to have our Thanos moment without it making any sort of sense. Anyway, is the movie over? No. Cut to Clark Kent’s second grave where his actual body is with Lois finding a ring that Superman left her with the clear intention of marrying her. Is it over? No. At this point, this movie has more endings than Lord of the Rings. We finally cut to Superman's coffin which we stick on for 5 seconds until the dirt on the coffin starts to float marking Superman's revival. Why is he NOT dead? Because this movie was written by morons. They clearly knew we would never buy that Superman would be dead, not with Justice Leagues movie planned but they did it anyway. They blew their load early in their pathetic attempt to catch up to Marvel and did a plot line that would only have worked down the line with a built up history not in the second fucking movie of the franchise. They did the whole tortuous ordeal with the funeral, kept dragging it out even though the longer they dragged it out, the dumber it would be when Superman came back from the dead, and they finally capped it off with him randomly coming back from the dead with no explanation because I guess they didn't check for his pulse before they threw him in that coffin.
! And that ladies and gentlemen is the cinematic disaster than was Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice. An absolute travesty of film-making. Terrible writing and non-existent characterization. Sure the action was nice, what little that was but even that was severely let down by the long slogs of nothing happening, the horrible editing and Snyder's stupid camera tricks be it the slow to fast motion, the shaky cam or how the action sequences seem to blur into each other. It's just a joyless, meandering, incoherent slog made by a man who clearly had mixed priorities focusing too much on the superficial aspects of the movie and little to no effort on any actual substance. The infuriating is he had three years to learn from his mistakes from Man of Steel, he had all the money and support he could want from the studio but instead he doubled down on all his mistakes, refusing to believe he could have possibly done anything wrong, and managed to come up with a movie even worse than Man of Steel, even more incoherently put together to the point that even I'm doubting this movie's potential success.
! I went into this movie with eleven companions ranging from diehard fans to casual film goers. They all complained about this movie ranging from disappointment to it was okay. There were 600-700 people in my screening. Not a single person clapped or cheered once not even when Wonder Woman showed up or during any of the action scenes. There was some forced laughter here and there but it felt like that desperate laughter of trying to get some enjoyment out of this waste of time that is this movie. This movie will have a strong opening weekend and will sink like a stone afterwards, it has zero rewatchability except for the most diehard of fanboys, the casual film goer will definitely not want to watch this again. Regardless of its profit, it will not be fondly remembered, it will not enter the pop-cultural subconscious that beloved films go to, it will just be remembered as really loud noise, a massive disappointment to fans and a potential lesson to studios to learn from your mistakes because you only get one second chance.