! I wish I could quit college and live with my parents forever as a NEET. I hate irrational stress and sucking at school.
! Meds only help me stop being so fatigued and nothing else.
! whinewhinewhine
Meds for what if I can ask?
! I wish I could quit college and live with my parents forever as a NEET. I hate irrational stress and sucking at school.
! Meds only help me stop being so fatigued and nothing else.
! whinewhinewhine
Meds for what if I can ask?
! I wish I could quit college and live with my parents forever as a NEET. I hate irrational stress and sucking at school.
! Meds only help me stop being so fatigued and nothing else.
! whinewhinewhine
Have you tried talking to someone? Expressing your fears really let the steam and pressure out of you.
@Print:
I'm an extrovert and I'm a girl, by the way. But yeah, it is about knowing what you want. I'm very bad at recognising that…maybe that's the autism showing up again. What I want to do is: spend time with friends doing fun things, travel as much as possible, and create/perform. But my job limits my time and its pay isn't enough so that limits my money, and with such limitations, I start feeling really bad if I spend an evening having coffee with a friend, like guilty bad. It's also why I basically stop eating and have to force myself through each and every meal, although only if I feel I can justify its expense. I'm really bad at this. I was considerably more functional when I was being paid a London salary in my publishing job, but they stopped me from getting any new contracts there because I'd been there two years and they officially don't take contractors for more than a year. Corporate culture.
It's probably kind of superficial to say so, but have you searched around for another job? It doesn't sound very sustainable in the long run. Also, don't feel obliged to yourself to hold on to little enjoyments like that, it really kills the purpose of having them! Just have them whenever you need them, it'll help keep you fresh without constantly worrying.
! @Monkey:
! > Meds for what if I can ask?
! Depression.
! @legumes:
! > Have you tried talking to someone? Expressing your fears really let the steam and pressure out of you.
! Unfortunately, while it does, the relief lasts for all of 5 seconds. Then I keep doing it over and over and wind up being so whiny that I drive away anyone that listens in the first place. :/
–-
On another note, I'm not sure if this has been posted here yet. It's pretty nice.
Since there are quite a few people here that have dealt with depression I would like to know what kind of depression they've been dealing with.
When I was younger I was hit by it quite often. When I'm depressed I fall into a sudden state of apathy and I get pretty aimless and restless.
I have a habit of walking in small circles when that happens around the living room. My mind also gets kind of numb and I have a really hard time listening to people. I very much can't stand people trying to get closer to me when I'm like that. It very much feels like they're poking on open wounds.
Suffice to say I'm terrible at socializing in that state, talking to people feels like an absolute chore.
Pulling conversation topics and directions feels like trying to pull things out of the deep abyss my mind has turned into.
And while I don't feel much of anything during such phases there is always a faint bad feeling. Like all the anxiety, frustration, self pity and melancholy have materialized themselves into an invisible hand that's lightly touching you.
I've kind of learned to deal with it and I can kind of try ignoring that state to some extent but at the end of the day I always need that time alone to let it pass by me. I don't take medication and I'll just wallow in it since it's been rare enough these days at most twice a month only lasting for half a day, but still it's half a day lost where I cease all productivity.
There is a certain irony to the fact that my friends dragging me into more social situations have helped me a lot against that, while constant exposure will more likely call forth symptoms. In a way it's been very vaccination like, just without the total immunization part.
So, an interesting occurrence has happened to me recently; I'm no longer love-struck.
For the past few months I had had a deep desire to cultivate a deeper relationship with someone and potentially start moving towards, ya know… starting a life. But I've realized in the past couple of days that I just straight don't care anymore. Love is obviously not on the menu at this point in my life and I think I've come to accept that. I just really don't even care anymore.
All of the different females I've been secretly crushing on lately... I just don't feel it anymore. It's gone. And it's not really an empty feeling either, it's more alleviating. I guess I feel somewhat empowered to not have the attachments and fantasies I was trapped in over the past couple of months. I don't need to weigh my happiness on a scale from one to love. I can just live and go for my goals.
And that's okay.~
Dude, that's great to hear. I mean, yeah, like you said, it's disappointing to realize that these sorts of feelings don't always last, but a lot of people, especially young people, don't seem to realize that there's a lot more to life than love.
I much prefer to think of it as there being more things in this world to love
@wolfwoof:
I much prefer to think of it as there being more things in this world to love
Indeed…herein lies the pleasures of the world:
!
persaonlly i LOVE… to jack off! i love to jerk it.i love to listen to other people's story's about jerkin it when they take place in boss steampunk realities
edit: thinkin bout like what if my dick was an icicle and it came slushies for all my friends to enjoy
everybody would love to hear me talk about jerking off then
So have we cycled back into discussion about masturbation?
I'm up for it.
why doesn't anybody ever help me with MY problems in this thread
@Holy:
why doesn't anybody ever help me with MY problems in this thread
so um…the declaration of help entails the want for stories of...us jerking it?
mmmmmm....
Speaking of love and shit, I'm slowly getting over this. I think. I just need more distractions. Gym and music alone aren't enough.
Having been woken up at a godawful hour by some fucker in my general vicinity, I guess I have time to kill. such as trying to find out whose door to leave a passive-aggressive message on and whether or not they're going to apologize. I guess this isn't nearly as awful as the debacle last year, but if this continues to be a trend, I'm not sure I can stand the semester being forced to listen to shitty radio. speaking of radio though, I wonder if there's a term for "thinking you can hear music but not being sure if it's real because it's so faint." I was in the bookstore and I thought I could hear "Heat of the moment" on repeat and it was a little weird. not as weird as years back when I thought I had a slight case of schizophrenia because of this haunting music-box-esque tune that I could never find. but then the real reason was lame. not that I want to be haunted. Would be nice if a resident ghost could destroy that stupid radio though. On the one hand, having a stupidly loud radio would ensure I probably won't sleep in and miss classes, but then I realized I get very little sleep as is.
Just go smash the radio.
This is not so much a confession as it is an observation, but I figured it fits better here than in the Post about your day-thread.
So, I've come to notice that I've gotten a lot better at dealing with nausea if it strikes me at home. I woke up in the middle of Sunday-Monday's night with really intense and overwhelming feelings of nausea that kept me awake until 4AM, but I managed to stay completely calm throughout. A few years ago that would've definitely made me suffer from a panic attack. Some progress has been made on that front, then, but unfortunately…
... My anxiety concerning vehicle traveling has gotten worse, especially in cars and buses. I got very close to a panic attack last week and ever since then I've been worried. I have my ways to make car journeys as comfortable as possible, but it seems that the onset of panic attack symptoms has become far more easier to occur. :/ Well, I guess I'll be fine if it doesn't get even worse. I really don't want to go back to taking medication.
@Jazzy:
I don't need to weigh my happiness on a scale from one to love. I can just live and go for my goals.
And that's okay.~
This is the resolution I've been arriving to, also. (Though my reason for it is kinda pathetic in the sense that I'm bad at dealing with disappointment when it comes to romance.) I've decided to focus on building my career and moving abroad in - hopefully - the near future. I guess I'd be up for dating if the chance came up, but I'm okay with not actively pursuing it. It's kind of a bummer, but at the same time a certain weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
… My anxiety concerning vehicle traveling has gotten worse, especially in cars and buses. I got very close to a panic attack last week and ever since then I've been worried. I have my ways to make car journeys as comfortable as possible, but it seems that the onset of panic attack symptoms has become far more easier to occur. :/ Well, I guess I'll be fine if it doesn't get even worse. I really don't want to go back to taking medication.
I feel you, gal. I took me… 16 years? to deal with it. No I can travel by car/bus/train/plane/flyin' carpet without feeling like I'm soffocating and without nausea. I didn't take no meds, I used my will to overcome it, and at the end I made it. The only thing is, now I have a different kind of anxiety that, before going for a journey (even a 1-hour-long one), keeps me locked in the bathroom for quite a lot. Bowel movements. I guess in an year or so I'll overcome this too. For now it's quite a pain in the ass.
This is the resolution I've been arriving to, also. (Though my reason for it is kinda pathetic in the sense that I'm bad at dealing with disappointment when it comes to romance.) I've decided to focus on building my career and moving abroad in - hopefully - the near future. I guess I'd be up for dating if the chance came up, but I'm okay with not actively pursuing it. It's kind of a bummer, but at the same time a certain weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
I've decided the exact same thing, moving abroad included. I no material for romantic relationships.
today burst out crying.
Well, it's not like you can be successful if you actually focus on your own happiness.
Isn't being happy and content the same as being successful
@wolfwoof:
Isn't being happy and content the same as being successful
Bingo, just gotta make it to the top and everythin' will be smooth sailin' from here on out.
Or from there on out, as it may be.
I was actually thinking the other way. That as long as you can be happy with what you've got that makes your life successful
Somewhere to live and eat, people to love, something you love doing. What else would one need to feel successful
Anything beyond that is just icing on the cake
I wanted to make a troll account on Mangafox just that i can insult all the people who are posting dumb threads in the one piece section :(
I wanted to make a troll account on Mangafox just that i can insult all the people who are posting dumb threads in the one piece section :(
That's not a very smart thing to do.
That'd just make the fanbase look bad. I mean am I pissed off that there's exactly two OP related videos from all the anime guys at TGWTG combined, and one is a ten minute long bitch fest about how "incredibly bad" the series is, and the other video is like three years old, but do I try to go there and defend it ? No. Cause I'd just look like a fanboy trying way too hard, most likely.
I went to Fanexpo with my sister alittle over a week ago, was awesome, seen celebrities and all kinds of cool stuff. That night afterwards I was feeling ill from fatigue and my health problems and slipped into depression. I was back to my lonely, boring life and now over a week on I'm still feeling it. I just can't shake it, Ive never felt this way before. Its not like was life was any different before the expo but for some reason it triggered something.
I just sit around listening to music day dreaming and recently Ive found myself obsessing to an unhealthy level over my favourite tv show. Ive come up with all these story lines in my head and have spent hours doing so. I barely sleep since I can't stop thinking about it, I woke up this morning and the first thing that popped into my head was the show. I think Ive dumped all my feelings/depression into this one source of entertainment in my life. I saw some of the actors at the expo that I went to but couldn't afford any signatures and that regret was a starter source for the depression.
There is one actress that I love from it and recently Ive been scouring the internet for info of her and all. Which is highly unhealthy, yeah spend all kinds of time obsessing over someone who you will never meet, etc. This may sound stupid but I kind of understand where stalkers come from and all. Its very easy to dump all your emotion into something like that, into a fantasy. I'm not going to fall into that, atleast I realized what I was doing and can deal with it now.
I think it is due to being lonely, I have no friends, no gf and I have no clue how to change that. I have no clue where I'd be without my sister, she is the only person in my life I feel like I can talk to, my only friend. I try to get out, go for walks to the local library, coffee shop, etc. but I have yet to meet anybody. Another problem is every time I think about asking a girl out I think, wtf would I do? I have no money, no car, nothing but companionship to offer. Who would want to go out with me and I fall back into depression. I know I have the power to change my life but I feel no motivation. I just feel dead about everything, theres nothing that I feel like I want to do for a living.
I just feel like I'm slipping farther into the hole, I need to change something soon. To be totally honest I feel like packing a bag and leaving home. See where life takes me but that would be a totally selfish move towards my family.
I just don't know.
Talking about depression, the worst and most irrational depression session that ever got me was after I met a really nice girl, friend of a friend, who I found out I liked really much but I knew I couldn't get it. That's all. I got depressed for like two days because I knew she was out of my league. I always remind myself of this story to never forget how stupid my brain can be, and I use it to escape random depressions or fears.
Closest I've been was a few days ago, particularly the weekend, when the relationship ended for good. Gym and music help, big time. I'm slowly getting over it. Of course I'll always remember her and although we'll still talk to each other as friends, I'll want more than that, but life goes on. Everything comes to an end. Just have to live on. I know two amazing girls right now, both of with which I could have something deeper with, but for the time being, they're just great friends, and I'm better off like that
And anyway, I'm entering college in 20 days, so yeah.
@Holy:
why doesn't anybody ever help me with MY problems in this thread
shh shhsh doctor taboo is here to help u
how can i help u
Since I came to Australia, I started to hate asians and that makes me feel bad :(
I just had too many bad experiences with asian people here but need to remind myself that not all of them are bad. (Trappy <3)
(Hello btw)
yeah asian people are terrible
yeah asian people are terrible
Remember that this is the confession session. I already made it clear that I'm not feelin good about it.
Remember that this is the confession session. I already made it clear that I'm not feelin good about it.
sorry that was tactless of me (though I do feel such feelings are legitimized being in a country filled with them and being one myself).
Any reason why you feel bad about asians in general? It would be interesting to see why such a perspective could manifest in Australia (out of all places).
It would make sense if you were in Japan or something, but Australia? Hmm never thought one could get a negative impression of asians from Australia (I'm just ignorant like that).
I suspect feelings like that are pretty common
You have some shit experiences with groups you don't usually interact with and you feel on some level that you need to learn something from those experiences. And taking away that those guys are jerks is easy enough
Since I came to Australia, I started to hate asians and that makes me feel bad :(
I just had too many bad experiences with asian people here but need to remind myself that not all of them are bad. (Trappy <3)(Hello btw)
haha, I understand dear. and yeah Australia does tend to have a lot of Asians I think, a lot of people here tend to like to go Australia to study. I think many of them don't bother trying to assimilate or adjust though, which can naturally cause problems.
wolfy is also right so I still love you dear~ as long as you don't hate me
@Holy:
thinkin bout like what if my dick was an icicle and it came slushies for all my friends to enjoy
Worst post 2013
Since I came to Australia, I started to hate asians and that makes me feel bad :(
I just had too many bad experiences with asian people here but need to remind myself that not all of them are bad. (Trappy <3)(Hello btw)
:( Sorry to hear that, pls don't hate us we're more than narrow eyes and dark skin!!! I swear. Hate the individual scumbags that wronged you.
It isn't really just the Asian folk here, but everyone. Sabsy only mentions the Asians as they are the biggest group she encounters on a daily basis….. Anyway the country seems to have this wall between each race or nationality that basically stops any group interacting outside the workplace, which for me is really frustrating as I hate this kind of divide, or the knowledge that over time it won't change and maybe even get worse.
I used to be shitty about England's slow development at integration between people, but it's nothing in comparison to Australia. I guess I just want to wipe clean this breed of haters in the population that hold the country back from being more united and even more interesting. I want to be able to ask someone that isn't white out for a drink in the hope that they might say yes or maybe even just not hesitate or second guess my motives.
I personally haven't had any beef with the Asians as most of the people I've met have been at work and we usually end up pretty close and the wall of doubt gets torn down pretty quickly. But everyone outside work comes across as being very untrusting or skeptical at the idea of the white guy being legitimately cool. Lol
I just asked my mate here what his thoughts are and he said that the divide comes from the notion that the Japanese people here don't like to go outside of the asian circle. And not just in the socialising sense but that the businesses tend to hire solely the same native people while the Australian businesses hire anyone. So he feels it creates tension. But this he said wasn't his feelings but the thought and summary of one of his mates from Japan that seemed to think a lot of it is this is some kind of Japanese racism that has rubbed the Australian people the wrong way.
Me....personally haven't made up my mind. I can't stand racism and segragation amongst groups. I can see how much it holds the country back, but the life of me can't think of a solution.
Everyone has a portion of blame though. Each group can do better, and as a European I notice this a lot more than the locales.
basically what smudgy said. I had toworkwith only Asians at one of my other jobs before and they barely taked or helped me and have beenvery tothemselves and looked down on me. And then they were telling me I got the job and only a week later after running after it I found oyt through someone else that i didnt get the job. And then there is this one asian shop here andno matter when i go there or how nice i am, they are very rude and unfriendly to me.
Thats just 2 examples but yeah, it might just bebad coincidence. Andit's not like i hate them all, ijust got more… careful around thsm. Or not as open as before. It just seems very hard to get "accepted" by them.
I probably just phrased it wrong, I'm not going full racist on it, it's just harder for me to understand their mentality.
--- Update From New Post Merge ---
And I do love a lot of asians as well and what they created ;)
I used to be shitty about England's slow development at integration between people, but it's nothing in comparison to Australia. I guess I just want to wipe clean this breed of haters in the population that hold the country back from being more united and even more interesting. I want to be able to ask someone that isn't white out for a drink in the hope that they might say yes or maybe even just not hesitate or second guess my motives.
lol wtf
Australia is way worse than I'd heard! Or maybe it's the Perth area that's like that? I could imagine Sydney/Melbourne being more chillax.
But wow that's insane lol.
basically what smudgy said. I had toworkwith only Asians at one of my other jobs before and they barely taked or helped me and have beenvery tothemselves and looked down on me. And then they were telling me I got the job and only a week later after running after it I found oyt through someone else that i didnt get the job. And then there is this one asian shop here andno matter when i go there or how nice i am, they are very rude and unfriendly to me.
Thats just 2 examples but yeah, it might just bebad coincidence. Andit's not like i hate them all, ijust got more… careful around thsm. Or not as open as before. It just seems very hard to get "accepted" by them.
I probably just phrased it wrong, I'm not going full racist on it, it's just harder for me to understand their mentality.--- Update From New Post Merge ---
And I do love a lot of asians as well and what they created ;)
I know Im a perfect stranger, but dont feel bad Nami-chan(Yes, weaboo, I suck) Its okay to feel that way. I mean you shouldnt let your frustrations overcome you by not sharing them with others, now that you've told us I hope that you feel better and less guilty,tired and frustrated. There are a lot of AWFUL people who let prejudice take over, you arent like them. Also, if it makes you feel better at least no one has confused you for a communist and lynched you to death! :D
I think people that typically do group themselves in unity by ethnicity aren't really worth an once of my time. I just hate that tension. Or that idea if I do manage to get along with a said group of close knit individuals(like a group of white/Hispanic people here in Miami for instance), there would be those that will always vocally express that I may be one of the good or acceptable ones. I kinda feel like I'm an exception in that case, and I really don't like hanging around with people that have the idea that I'm special case among a race of delinquents(or so they would say). Do I go as far as to swallow my pride and say that we are pretty damned bad and I'm just lucky/better/different? What will that accomplish aside from further mental segregation and stroking my ego maybe?
But yeah, I do understand the frustration and I really wish these mental barriers upon entry didn't exist. But sadly it does, and I try my best to filter it out and keep such people out of my personal life. No way I'm going to be the suck-up token guy in a group.
@Monkey:
lol wtf
Australia is way worse than I'd heard! Or maybe it's the Perth area that's like that? I could imagine Sydney/Melbourne being more chillax.
But wow that's insane lol.
i heard Melbourne is much better, but Sydney is about on par with perth.
The place is still brilliant. It's just a bit of a downer seeing so much wasted potential.
The only good progress is between the Australians and kiwis. They are awesome. I work with three others in my other jobs and don't feel any divide or tension.
The hardest group for me are the aboriginals in WA. It really bugs me and simply from the fact I've seen the aboriginals in new southwales and seen how they either follow the culture or don't and through it all don't play one martyr card. they are awesome and dont feel pushed away or separated from anyone around them. I remember speaking to all the locale aboriginals as a kid and having no tension. The majority of people in wa however don't care about the culture, yet use the racism or culture at every turn. I've had racist slurs at me hundreds of times if I don't give an aboriginal guy money or a cigaret.
And even worse worked with an aboriginal elder that told me with a big smile how he had over 12 kids from a handful of women just to gain a giant benefit pay check each week, while making no effort with any of them, with the added bonus of using his kids as some form of retirement.
I could have a laugh with this guy, and he was a had worker, but when he rambled on about bleeding the benefit system, dry or telling me how all gay people are speared I couldn't help but feel a certain degree of bitterness.
But still through this all I try my best not to write them all off. My area is just really bad at typecasting each race.
I really need to get back to the north or east and wash off the bad taste left in my mouth from experiencing the west.
–- Update From New Post Merge ---
I think people that typically do group themselves in unity by ethnicity aren't really worth an once of my time. I just hate that tension. Or that idea if I do manage to get along with a said group of close knit individuals(like a group of white/Hispanic people here in Miami for instance), there would be those that will always vocally express that I may be one of the good or acceptable ones. I kinda feel like I'm an exception in that case, and I really don't like hanging around with people that have the idea that I'm special case among a race of delinquents(or so they would say). Do I go as far as to swallow my pride and say that we are pretty damned bad and I'm just lucky/better/different? What will that accomplish aside from further mental segregation and stroking my ego maybe?
But yeah, I do understand the frustration and I really wish these mental barriers upon entry didn't exist. But sadly it does, and I try my best to filter it out and keep such people out of my personal life. No way I'm going to be the suck-up token guy in a group.
i respect you for being so bold ya know.
I'm a bit different in the sense that I also understand it all to a certain degree from the other perspective. And this is all from looking at the history behind it.
I understand how it's all come to be. Each side has acted stupidly towards eachother and made a simple situation completely impossible to fix. Both sides have friction created from the previous era that has caused a divide that has grown over the years.
It's so simple yet so stupidly effective.
My only hope is that through education we will be able to banish the previous generations way of thinking. We've seen it first with sexism, then with racism and now a lot more with equal rights regarding to homosexuality throughout the world….
....Australia is really behind on all three fronts though. Such a waste. But still we have a small degree of progress. Eg same sex marriage being spoken as a positive within the political parties.
I'll leave it at that. I've had a really long day and can't really put into words what I feel. I'll probably write up something when I get the time to give you all a better idea of what I've heard and seen since I landed here 19 months ago.
Edit: I just went over my post and spotted how poor it is. It's pretty hard to put to paper anyway, but the two jobs I'm juggling has made it much worse.
One thing I can say tied or not is that each group or culture has a portion of responsibility in this and only through hard work and logic can we break a terrible system of segregation amongst the people here.
Thx everyone for not starting a shitstorm on me ;) I rly appreciate that <3
I think people that typically do group themselves in unity by ethnicity aren't really worth an once of my time.
This happens in a lot of minority populations / cultures. Do you seriously think it's because they all feel better than you or something? As Smudger pointed out, there's a lot of racism/isolation/discrimination at play in most cases, and usually tightly-knit communities like that start because of solidarity more than anything else, in an immigrant or marginalized setting. For example I have a lot of Jewish family in Mexico and for a community of immigrant Jews, in a hugely Catholic country no less, having a really strong sense of unity was and still is a huge deal.
So yes over time these cultural divides can perpetuate themselves, again in part how Smudger described, which is really too bad but it's also how people have survived, so to speak. Those people are not automatically bad people it's just hard to break those preconceptions and habits, but once you do things are pretty awesome.
Fascinating read, also what I said was half in jest. I certainly understand the notion that many bad experiences coming from a certain group that share certain very distinct features can color one's instinctual attitude.
I find it commendable if one has the mind to have the self-awareness of such things. That's a trait I deeply respect.
Reading all that saddens me a bit and while I may have some form of understanding of the why of such behavior it still feels like a very distant thing from both sides. I've never experienced such deep rooted averseness nor do I share a need to identify myself with groups in such a way that would cause behavior of that kind in me. The most I've ever got is 1-2 months of hey he's the new kid we don't like him, the few times that I moved.
I feel so tired psychologically. I have so much pressure from work and being away from Zeph, even if it only has been a week since we parted, that I feel I am already ready to explode. And the school year barely started. First week is not even close to being over and I am exhausted. I was promised a break I am not getting and the second I blink, something goes shitty. Family still doesn't have an inch of respect towards my privacy (in Cyprus there's obviously NO SUCH THING BETWEEN FAMILY lol) either. Can I just hide somewhere and wait till December is here? Also please, oh please, can I get my full June pay already? Paying the other teacher first when it was July you owned to her and not June, is very shitty dear boss. June comes before July I am pretty sure.
I find it commendable if one has the mind to have the self-awareness of such things. That's a trait I deeply respect.
.
Aww thank you! ;o;