@Dryish:
/snip.
Man Dryish, I know just how it feels. For a long time, for maybe 4 or 5 years I dragged myself through the same depression you're feeling. I mean even before my own break-up I had a history of trying to carve out a purpose in life. To find meaning and to feel like I even deserve to be alive. It's easy to see it all as pointless and you start to feel like a coward on top of it all, because you can't find the courage to… well end it. And I mean that in a bad way.
You get down to that point. You can't make yourself feel happy and you can't make yourself commit suicide. So you feel trapped in life. And even though I say some pretty stupid shit on here and in conversations, I'm actually a very analytical person as well. So I know how it feels.
But the thing is, if you search for negative, if you dedicate your concentration on finding a lack of purpose in things, that's precisely what you get. You'd be amazed, what a simple change in perspective can bring. I thought that, in all of my cynicism and "realism" that I could never find any objectively substantial value in things. But it's there and there's a lot more of it then you might think.
The way we perceive life is our gateway to how much value life holds. And we're all different too, so what worked for me and what elevated me out of that mindset probably won't be the same way you elevate out of yours. I ended up finding purpose when I thought back and realized that everything I've done, and in all my interactions (positive and negative), I've influenced people and changed their perspectives and ways of life, if even a little.
It's not always a positive change, but it's something they'll work through. And if it is a good thing then… that's good. You give people more experience that way and you gain experience for the same reasons. But I'm a very empathetic person so that kind of thing is valuable to me. I like to have a more complete perspective of things so that I can more easily understand and help other people. That also means that I've learned to value the bad I've experienced in life.
Point being, what you have here is something you'll never escape until you learn to see things from a different perspective. No amount of friends or goals can give your life meaning if you don't believe those things carry meaning. And something else you'll have to learn about life, is compromise. I used to believe in the ideal, I used to think that my preconceived notions of value were attainable, and it just isn't true.
Life is more complex than that. And you have to be willing to flow with the waves than to go against them. It's something you never truly stop learning about or adapting to.
And there will be low points... God, will there be low points. But you, Dryish… You're already a valuable person. You need not worry what the future holds because I know that you already have that value.
And believe me when I say, other people see it too.