I'll say it up front so people won't be confused: This is a Joke Chapter. It is based on the shitty and often inaccurate translations done by MS that we seem to get every week and always find time to complain about. It is in no way, shape, or form meant to be taken seriously; so please don't.
So that being said, Just hang back, let your hair down, and relax here, because something this Hilarious deserves to be shared. And hopefully this separate thread can also take some of the unnecessary pressure, post counts, and migraine-inducing aggravations off of the actual chapter discussion thread; seeing as how that thread does tend to get a little clogged up over the week.
Link: http://imgbox.com/addOosVf
Every bit of Thanks for this should go to Footnote, who's hard work at type-setting brought us this little piece of comedy gold, and CCC, who's devious mind made this possible in the first place. Thanks a lot, you guys.
Script(by CCC):
[hide]@CCC:
ok. faux MS version. kinda fun, I guess. eh.
! Chapter 704
“Lucy and the Colossus of Kratos “
Cover Story:
“Caribou’s Bwahaha in the Carribean”
“Volume 24”
“The Proletariat is Crushed by the Bionic Bourgeoisie”
Page 2:
Blurb: “Rumpus in the reception!!”
Someone: “Yo!! That little freak is off the hook!!”
“He fucked up Spartan!!!”
“How’d he do that!?”
“Spartan owned this joint, but now look at ‘im!!”
“Maybe he’s allergic to little punks?”
“Can allergies drive you that deep into the floor!?”
Luffy: “Now that I’ve taken out the trash…”
Guard: “You! You think can come into my house with this tomfoolery…!!”
“Get the hell out! You’re done in this town!!!”
Lucy: “You must be kidding.”
Page 3:
Guard: “Keep the fights to the ring!! You can’t go messing people up in the goddamn waiting room!!”
“Wahh!!”
Luffy: “Hmm?”
Someone: “Hey, hey”
Xai: “Pick on someone your own size!!”
“Little man here didn’t do shit! That bigass fool over there started it!!!”
Buu: “But he’s already munching asphalt”
Text boxes:
Top: “Top: Don Chinjao”
Left: “Left: Buu”
Right: “Right: Xai”
Bottom: “Flowerland Crime Syndicate: Chinjao Bros”
Page 4:
Guy: “Whoa!! It’s Xai and Buu from Flowerland Fields!!”
“Even da big boss is here!!”
“My grandma told me legends about them!!”
Lucy: “My humblest thanks, gentlemen!!”
Xai: “You’re welcome!!”
“Kahkah”
“Seriously… you’re welcome…”
“You… ARE… welcome?…”
“Welcome you are?…”
“Wel…”
“I hate you motherfucker!!!”
Buu: “Chillax, bro!!!”
Lucy: “Wahh!!”
Buu: “Sorry about that gramps, my bro’s off his meds.”
Xai: “Don’t you ever make me say you’re welcome again!!!”
“Fuck face!!!”
Lucy: “People here are quite uncouth.”
Someone: “Dagama!! Bag any hedgehogs lately? Rig any tournaments?”
Page 5:
Some mook: “Oi oi big names from every country are trying to achieve world dominance for their countries with the Flamey Fire Fruit”
“But what do I know? I’m just some literally unnamed mook standing on the side, trying to give a bit of exposition!!”
Bobby: “Teaming up won’t matter, baldy!!”
“Even if you try something like that…”
“Only one winner’s making it out of the ring…!!”
Kerry: “Planning to pay everyone off so you and your moustache can win this thing!?”
Left text: “Guns-for-hire from Neighborville: Funk Brethren”
Right text: “Top: (Younger Bro) Bobby Funk, Bottom: (Older Bro) Kerry Funk”
Dagama: “What a lack of intellect! Your king also told you to come here, did he not?”
“Even if a country threw all its other weapons in the garbage can, if it had the Flamey Fire…”
“It could dominate at international relations and at Risk!!”
Sfx: punch punch
Right text: “Protensile Kingdom Army Roboticist: Dagama”
Left text: “King of the Protensile Kingdom, “The Brawling Monarch:” Elizaberro 2”
“Just look at all these motherfuckers whose names I am about to tell you!!!”
Page 6:
Dagama: “Over there… the A-rank ne’er-do-well from the Dias Diamond Conflict…”
“It’s Wing Hat Slayerman!!!”
“Former terroristos!!”
“Abdullah and Jeet!!!”
“The Adventuring Slaughter Fibber!!”
“Rhombicosidodecahedron, The Ruler!!”
“This guy, proving that anyone who thinks that anyone other than Ace and Whitebeard will die in One Piece are morons, it’s…”
“The nasty “102 Million” seafarer!! Dachsund Binami!!!”
“And two more guys, “Cabin Dish the Stallion””
“And a rookie who loves to boogie, “Bolomeo,” are also said to be participating.”
“Literally everyone here is plotting something, but none of it will matter because pretty much nobody I just named will even make it to the second round!!!”
Page 7:
Dagama: “First up it’s an all-out brawl!!”
“Only those who survive it have a chance!!!”
“A-blockers get ready to rumble!!!”
“There are also B, C, and D…”
“Out of over 550 fighters, after the first round…”
“Only four winners will emerge!!!”
“You two definitely paid that girl at the reception desk to be in the same block, yeah?”
Funk: “Who wants to know, fatty?”
Lucy: “What block am I in?”
Guard: “Are you deaf, sir?”
“You’re number 556, in C-block.”
Dagama: “I know why I’M here…”
“But depending on whose hands the Mera Mera no Mi falls into…”
“Tomorrow, the world’s gonna be all shook up.”
“So let’s crack some skulls, kids!!!”
Page 8:
Text: “Room o’ Gear”
Lucy: “Uohhh!!”
“So I can really use anything in here!?”
Guard: “No guns allowed, gramps.”
Lucy: “Armor!!”
“Helmets!!!”
“Naked statue!!”
“I want it all, baby!”
“I will begin with this armor!!”
“Helmets don’t suit me, but I shant be letting that statue show me up!”
Page 9:
Lucy: “Looks good…”
“Sweet, dude…!!
“If only Usopp still had that afro for me…”
Guard: “What’s wrong with these women!!”
“You mean besides their career choice?”
Woman: “It’s… that wild buck…<3”
Man: “Buck!?”
Woman: “It’s no good <3 My senses are stimulated beyond what I thought were the limits of earthly pleasure…<3”
Cabin Dish: “I. Have. Arrived.”
Man: “…Look! It’s him! It’s Cabin Dish…!!”
“The Bishounen Pirate!!? Is it really him!!?”
“He’s prettier than Hancock <3”
Cabin Dish: “You, mongrel, over there!!”
“That choice of armor is atrocious, not to mention over the weight limit.”
Page 10:
Cabin Dish: “Well… what do I care…”
“Because I will be taking the Flamey Fire”
“Its fire matches the beauty of my heart.”
Text at bottom: “Captain of the “Radiant Pirate Crew:” Cabin Dish the Wild Stallion, Bounty: 281 Million Berries”
Middle panel: “I’ve come this far without a devil fruit”
“And without breaking a nail”
“Or even a sweat.”
Guard: “Something’s gotta go.”
Lucy: “Eh”
Cavendish: “Pay attention to me!! Don’t I look like Nami when I make this face!!?”
Page 11:
Lucy: “Time to strip, I suppose.”
“Just like the geezer statue”
Sfx: clink
Cavendish: “This is a grand performance!!”
“The spectators howl for blood”
“In the ring, people show what they’re really made of- guts and fluids!”
“Armor and swords are snoozeville!!”
“As gladiators we must feed to the audience…”
“The blood they demand…!!”
“When you flipped that fodder before, I was watching, even though Moleman said I wasn’t in the room. Mysterious, no?”
“Who the hell are you?”
Lucy: “I’m Luffy!!”
“The man who’ll naru the kaizoku ou”
Men: “Ehh!!?”
“Lu…”
Page 12:
Mook: “But it says Lucy on your tag, you big silly!!!”
Sfx: donk
Lucy (bottom bubble): “Oh yeah, I’m Lucy.”
Guy: “You got a shpeech impediment or hwhat!?”
“If Strawhat Luffy were really here I’d be running home to mommy!!!”
“Yeah well my daddy told me that Strawman Luffy is a 26.2467 foot giant”
Cavendish: “…Fu fu… I’d like to meet that Strawboy Ruffie…”
“I’d give him a piece of my mind!!”
“I entered the Carribean three years ago…”
“And as a “stylish rookie” with a bounty somewhere in the 200 million to 200 billion range…”
“I slept with a TON of women”
“Day after day, my wanted posters kept appearing in print media…”
“But tweenage girls would steal them. I was like a pop star, son…”
Page 13:
“I’m the Bishi King, “Hung Like a Stallion Cabin Dish”!!”
“ “Hey, stud!!” “
“ “Hmm? Surely you aren’t talking to me?” “Of course <3” “Hells yeah…<3” “
“But what do you think happened a year later, huh!!!”
“It was Ace’s damn Pirate Summit…!!!”
“We all thought it was just a metaphor…”
“But it was a real event…!! And then some rookies appeared, because Shabondy totally wouldn’t have been exciting or emotional enough without them!!”
“And they kept popping up every so often so we’d know what was going on in their boring-ass lives!!!”
“Reporters never interviewed me again!!!”
“And that’s why Strohut Luffy’s a big dummy head!!!”
Lucy: “Sounds like you’ve got some misplaced anger, my frilly friend…”
Cavendish: “The Flamey Fire Fruit…”
“It’s going to me!!”
“And when it does…”
“I’ll facefault and scream at you some more!!”
Guard: “A-ok, kid.”
Page 14:
Lucy: “Well whaddya know… I’m a spitting image of this chap.”
Woman: “If you’re… interested… I could give you a history lesson.”
Guys: “Whoa!! Are women even allowed in here? Let’s cat-call at her!”
“Hehehe<3 Looks weak… but then again most OP females are!!”
“Who is she?”
“Dat’s Rebeka”
Rebeka: “Thanks for earlier…”
“I’m not a big fan of Spartan.”
“But now I’d like to tell you about this statue.”
“Kratos was the strongest gladiator and god-slayer in all of Santa Monica studios.”
TN: Pronounced “Kray-tos”
“He won 3000 matches and achieved bloodthirsty combos of over 10,000 consecutive hits.”
“He only met with a “game over” a few times, even on god mode!”
Luffy: “Quite the brute, I’d say!”
Rebecca: “He fought here until exactly 20 years ago, to the day.”
Page 15:
“But”
“No one in this country…”
“Ever even saw him!!”
Text box: “Corrida Colosseum Female: Rebeka”
Luffy: “Huh??”
Rebecca: “Did I stutter?”
“Nobody ever saw him.”
“This is the most mysterious statue in all of Dressrosa, and we’ve got a ton of mysterious statues.”
“Kratos might have been real, or maybe he was just an avatar of sorts…”
“And this statue, installed by the SMILEs company…”
Page 16:
“All we know is what’s inscribed on this plate, but most of it is conveniently obscured in every panel of the chapter.”
“Nobody ever interacted with him even once… we never even bothered reading the plate…”
“Everything I’m saying, basically, is a mystery.”
Lucy: “My dear, I haven’t the faintest idea of what you’re blathering on about…”
“But this statue suits my fancy!! It speaks to my inner feng shui!!”
Rebecca: “…It’s alright I guess.”
Guy: “Yo!! Becky!!”
“Gonna make some men cry today!?”
“Bet that made you realllll feel good, before…”
“When that douchebag Spartan took the express train to loserville!!”
“Ha ha why are we taunting her again?”
“Mysterious foreshadowing, remember!?”
Lucy: “What are those imbeciles referring to?”
Rebecca: “…Dunno.”
Page 17:
Rebecca: “Today…”
“Marks the first day of the rest of my life…!!!”
“I’ll win the Flamey Fire…!!”
“And make the scumbag Doflamingo pay for his crimes!!”
Lucy: “Come again?”
“Did you say Tanjiahdo Lofulamingo…!?”
Rebecca: “Not in the least. What block are you in?”
Lucy: “ “C” “
Rebecca: “Aw, I’m in D.”
“If we’re still standing after the first round, I’m coming to kick your ass.”
“Lucy”
Someone: “And it’s over before it even began!!!”
Guy: “Huh!? Already!?”
“Who is that? He’s monstrously strong!!!”
Announcer: “I’ve never seen a match end so quickly and gorily!!!”
“A-block’s grand champ is the “Mr. Masked Store”!!!”
Sfx: rustle
Page 18/19:
Announcer: “Oh!!”
“The bag is coming off!!!”
Sfx: gulp
“What a tweest!!! Willis was dead the whole time!!!”
“And you’d have to be a fucking idiot not to remember a character this tertiary yet guaranteed to be somehow important!!!”
Dialogue in giant panel spanning both pages:
“What an uproar of an opening event!!! The crowd is shitting themselves with disbelief!!!”
“From A-block!!”
“The winner of the battle royale!!”
“From the pirate crew of the Four Emperor, “Blackbeard,” who eats crying babies for breakfast!!”
“Ship Commander of the First Platoon!!! It’s Jesus H. Burgess!!!!”
Jesus: “Uuuiiihahhahha!!!”
Editor blurb: “For real reals!!!”
Back to page 18, bottom panel:
Fighters: “Bu… Burgess!!?”
Page 19, bottom, continued: “Am I supposed to know who that is!!?”
Lucy: “Ah!!”
“The champion fellow from chapter 222!!!”
[/hide]