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Confession Session - LOCK THIS THREAD
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This whole transtrender fad has seriously gone too far.
Apparently it's even spreading to therapists now.
Disgusting. “You look like a boy already. You don’t need surgery” my ass. That's completely missing the point.
One, I'm thinking you have put this in the wrong thread. Perhaps the Random Article thread was the one you were intending to post in?
Two, a transwoman/transman doesn't necessarily need surgery. The idea is that genitals don't always define a person's gender identity and there are many trans people that go without the srs and all the related medical procedures by choice. It certainly doesn't make them any less of the gender they define themselves as.
If they want it on the other hand and the therapist is advising against it well that's another issue entirely but unless I'm miscontruing the issue your post seems to imply that surgery(ies) is a requirement. -
One, I'm thinking you have put this in the wrong thread. Perhaps the Random Article thread was the one you were intending to post in?
Two, a transwoman/transman doesn't necessarily need surgery. The idea is that genitals don't always define a person's gender identity and there are many trans people that go without the srs and all the related medical procedures by choice. It certainly doesn't make them any less of the gender they define themselves as.
If they want it on the other hand and the therapist is advising against it well that's another issue entirely but unless I'm miscontruing the issue your post seems to imply that surgery(ies) is a requirement.I didn't put it in the Random Article thread because it's not a news article, so I figured this was was a better place for it (if it's not, plz move it mods).
I don't think that surgery is a complete requirement: there are issues that can get in the way, like financial (no money), medical (body can't take surgery), or social (afraid of the violence associated with it or being rejected by their friends and family); someone's gender identity shouldn't be invalidated just because they can't fully transition for reasons beyond their control.
But what I despise is the idea that someone can ~love the body they were born in~, feel no body dysphoria whatsoever, and still be transgender. This nonsense came from morons appropriating a medical condition they don't have. And it's spreading.
That therapist doesn't seem to think that transition is necessary to get rid of that body dysphoria, and that only passing off as a boy is, which is a byproduct of said nonsense.
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Now on to the real purpose of this thread …
@Nia:
Right, let's get this thing back on track!
I have a broken heart and hate myself for causing the circumstances that led to it and now I am sad.
steps back and looks at thread There, so much better!
What happened??
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What happened??
Well, she told me straight away that if I really had a crush on her, she'd distance herself from me.
Even though I tried to hide it, I think she caught on now 'cause she avoids me like the plague.
She also refuses to tell me irrelevant stuff for some reason (like "oh, you added that guy on facebook? And you wrote him a message? What did you write him?! :DD"), and when I asked her why she wouldn't tell me something so trivial, she just ignored the question. Multiple times. Then left me alone.So yeah, I blew it and ruined the best friendship I ever had.
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@Nia:
So yeah, I blew it and ruined the best friendship I ever had.
Wait, YOU ruined the friendship? When she did shit like this:
@Nia:
Well, she told me straight away that if I really had a crush on her, she'd distance herself from me.
Even though I tried to hide it, I think she caught on now 'cause she avoids me like the plague.
It sounds like she has problems. I wouldn't blame yourself.
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@Nia:
Well, she told me straight away that if I really had a crush on her, she'd distance herself from me.
Even though I tried to hide it, I think she caught on now 'cause she avoids me like the plague.
She also refuses to tell me irrelevant stuff for some reason (like "oh, you added that guy on facebook? And you wrote him a message? What did you write him?! :DD"), and when I asked her why she wouldn't tell me something so trivial, she just ignored the question. Multiple times. Then left me alone.So yeah, I blew it and ruined the best friendship I ever had.
You should definitely talk to her about all this. Just sit down and share you feelings. She got to understand how much she matters to you in any way. Maybe she's just afraid or unsure.
Most importantly: do NOT blame yourself. Friendship means two people; both of them are responsible for it. It also means that one tries his/her best to accept and understand the other one even if it's the hardest thing ever. Friends must support and cannot let each other go down the drain just like that.
I believe that you did nothing wrong. So just stay strong!
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Thanks, you two …
But I'm afraid of talking to her about it.
Because right now, she doesn't know for sure. As soon as I speak up, she will know. And then there'll be no turning back.
Maybe I'm just really paranoid and she doesn't avoid me; maybe she had a reason for ditching me the last few days; maybe she has a reason why she says she's going to bed, goes offline in ICQ (where we always talk) and stays in Facebook for two more hours; maybe she has a good reason for not telling me what that message was about. Maybe … I just don't wanna ruin that "maybe". -
@Nia:
Thanks, you two …
But I'm afraid of talking to her about it.
Because right now, she doesn't know for sure. As soon as I speak up, she will know. And then there'll be no turning back.
Maybe I'm just really paranoid and she doesn't avoid me; maybe she had a reason for ditching me the last few days; maybe she has a reason why she says she's going to bed, goes offline in ICQ (where we always talk) and stays in Facebook for two more hours; maybe she has a good reason for not telling me what that message was about. Maybe … I just don't wanna ruin that "maybe".I still don't think she has anything to hide from you.
I guess you should wait a little, then if it continues, talk with her. It can't go on forever, and it might not resolve itself. -
I second Nolus's advice. Guess the only thing you can do is wait it out…..for now.
@Nia:
But I'm afraid of talking to her about it.
Sooner or later you're gonna have to do it. I see how it would make you anxious as all hell, but the proverbial bullet must be biten.
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What Nolus says is gold, but it is true that at some point you will have to confront her about things … she has to realize too that even though distancing herself may sound like the logical thing to do, it isn't and it will just cost friendships
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What if she doesn't want to maintain our friendship anymore, what if she doesn't care anymore, what if she doesn't like me anymore as a friend, what if-I guess you guys are right. sighs
Thanks… I-I'll see how things go from here, and wait a little while. -
@Nia:
What if she doesn't want to maintain our friendship anymore, what if she doesn't care anymore, what if she doesn't like me anymore as a friend, what if-I guess you guys are right. sighs
Thanks… I-I'll see how things go from here, and wait a little while.Talking to her is a good idea, but I definitely advise waiting a while for things to blow over a little.
I was in a similar situation with a friend and really, all she and I needed was time. I, especially, just needed time away to sort out my feelings about what'd happened.
It wasn't the end of the world for us - things did change, no doubt about it - but we patched up after a few months went by. Here's hoping you can too. -
@Nia:
I guess you guys are right. sighs
Thanks… I-I'll see how things go from here, and wait a little while.Best of luck, Nia. I hope everything turns out okay. :I
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I've come to the realization that I have a strange fascination with lava; bordering a fetish. Seriously… I wish I was immune to 'heat damage', so I could just swim in lava, eat it, touch it etc. Heck... If I had a Devil Fruit it would probably be Akainu's because it's lava, and I don't even like Akainu.
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@The:
I've come to the realization that I have a strange fascination with lava; bordering a fetish. Seriously… I wish I was immune to 'heat damage', so I could just swim in lava, eat it, touch it etc. Heck... If I had a Devil Fruit it would probably be Akainu's because it's lava, and I don't even like Akainu.
Oh god I read that as "larva" not "lava" and thought this was going to go into some weird insect fetish.
Lava is gorgeous stuff. :)
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Oh god I read that as "larva" not "lava" and thought this was going to go into some weird insect fetish.
And I read this as incest fetish and thought immediately of
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Okay I have a demanding, over-cribbing, independence sapping girlfriend. I have absolutely no idea how to deal with her. I am not very sure whether to breakup or just give it some more time (given a year already).
Just an example of what happened yesterday… she went through my entire timeline in FB and saw a post by some friend of mine and got pissed at me on why she had posted it. The post was 2 years old also
And WOAH that gave me a wake up call on to think about wtf is going on and what I need to do now
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Have a rational conversation with her telling her how you feel about what she's doing and respectfully request that she understands boundaries.
If she's unreasonable in the conversation then break up with her.
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@xan:
Okay I have a demanding, over-cribbing, independence sapping girlfriend. I have absolutely no idea how to deal with her. I am not very sure whether to breakup or just give it some more time (given a year already).
Just an example of what happened yesterday… she went through my entire timeline in FB and saw a post by some friend of mine and got pissed at me on why she had posted it. The post was 2 years old also
And WOAH that gave me a wake up call on to think about wtf is going on and what I need to do now
it sounds like a classic case of…
!
But on a serious note dont put down a good relationship to any kind of time scale. you really have to gauge it by having a discussion and both try working on faults you have. If she wont make the effort for you then its not worth wasting your time on something that will no doubt remain broken. But to sum it up, talk, make a plan of action, and have a look at progress being made after a few months or so.something i've lived by and strongly believe is that their is no such thing as a perfect relationship, just two people that aren't willing to give up. it basically means you will always have hurdles and things you have to cross, but as long as you both try your best for not just yourself but each other then it should work out, and more so become pretty damn awesome.
just remember that if your partner is acting whack, its probably for a good reason, and with enough support and effort can be resolved. also dont count yourself as being free of any fault. you might not recognize it in yourself, but im sure if you asked your partner she would let you know her point of view and also feel better when you mention the faults you see in her. its give and take so make sure you put in the same effort as her if not more and try your hardest to offer support and a good feeling of trust.
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@xan:
Okay I have a demanding, over-cribbing, independence sapping girlfriend. I have absolutely no idea how to deal with her. I am not very sure whether to breakup or just give it some more time (given a year already).
Just an example of what happened yesterday… she went through my entire timeline in FB and saw a post by some friend of mine and got pissed at me on why she had posted it. The post was 2 years old also
And WOAH that gave me a wake up call on to think about wtf is going on and what I need to do now
Had a friend with a problem like that, twice to be exact. Well the first girl was an insufferable bitch. The second one was apparently very manipulative, jealous and gilt-trippy. He told her to seriously knock it off or else he's outa there and that seems to have helped.
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Call me old-fashioned, but I find it hard to respect a relationship as stable or loving if it's built on the foundation of "do this or I'm out." Just … Sounds like the only thing keeping people together when that's the case is fear of being alone.
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I was gonna defend/explain her behaviour as some sort temporary paranoia (maybe even caused by an inferiority complex or something among those lines because God knows I'm the Queen of that shit so I understand), but since it's been going on for over a year now, it's obviously anything but temporary.
Has she always been like this? How long have you two been together anyway?Eiter way, I agree with everyone else. You should have a serious talk about it, find out why she's behaving this way and what you two can do about it.
/EDIT:
Unrelated: Thanks to everyone who told me to keep calm and wait yesterday. Turns out I wasn't imagining things, but almost everything resolved itself today when she invited me home (so I could eat her lasagne).
She's just really nervous because of that boy she's "targetting" right now. That's why she was invisible in all messengers, including Facebook, for example.
It didn't have anything to do with me.
Apparently she didn't catch on to anything (or at least not any more than she already had).
I'm so, SO relieved. -
@Nia:
I was gonna defend/explain her behaviour as some sort temporary paranoia (maybe even caused by an inferiority complex or something among those lines because God knows I'm the Queen of that shit so I understand), but since it's been going on for over a year now, it's obviously anything but temporary.
Has she always been like this? How long have you two been together anyway?Eiter way, I agree with everyone else. You should have a serious talk about it, find out why she's behaving this way and what you two can do about it.
/EDIT:
Unrelated: Thanks to everyone who told me to keep calm and wait yesterday. Turns out I wasn't imagining things, but almost everything resolved itself today when she invited me home (so I could eat her lasagne).
She's just really nervous because of that boy she's "targetting" right now. That's why she was invisible in all messengers, including Facebook, for example.
It didn't have anything to do with me.
Apparently she didn't catch on to anything (or at least not any more than she already had).
I'm so, SO relieved.I'm glad it's resolved now :)
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Call me old-fashioned, but I find it hard to respect a relationship as stable or loving if it's built on the foundation of "do this or I'm out." Just … Sounds like the only thing keeping people together when that's the case is fear of being alone.
I agree with Noqanky, none of those sound healthy at all.
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I don't think there's any harm in attempting to have a civil conversation about it. If you're truly unhappy with the way things are and see no hope of it changing… you should get out of the relationship.
I don't condone fear mongering in a relationship. But I do believe that if it looks pretty hopeless, neither party should have to waste their times entertaining something that's obviously not working.
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Well, if you don't mind my sticking my nose in when I've been absent so long, the truth is we can never control someone else's reactions, thoughts or feelings (and this applies to you too Nia–though I would also add the caveat that you need to be prepared for the potential fallout of any choices you make--and it sounds as though you have thought that out as well. When the pain of keeping silent overwhelms the joy of being together under what for you may turn into false pretenses, so that the cost of staying in the friendship and staying silent is more than the joy you gain from it, then you'll know its time to take action). We can only strive to find our own truth, then act upon what feels like the best thing for ourselves. That means that Noqanky wins a cookie--but letting someone know where you are in your thoughts--what bothers you and what you need (without any strings or expectations) isn't manipulative in the way an ultimatum is, so there is a line in the sand you need to remember not to cross if you decide on having this conversation, xan. While it is perfectly fine for you to express your needs in terms of boundaries, you need to offer the same respect you are asking for back to the person you are speaking to--no matter what you perceive to be their lacks. In other words--No punishing allowed. Only truth and a conscious striving for real honest communication. (Yep--that means you need to tell her how it makes you feel when she does what she does, and how it damages your relationship, if you can find a way to put that into words) Even then it may not work out, but at least you can feel like you did the best you were capable of at the time. Hopefully, what ever happens, you'll grow and come out of it slightly more knowledgable about and compassionate to yourself as well as others. To me that is the best possible outcome of any situation like this.
OK--sorry again for butting in, and I hope you don't mind my rambling and mumbo jumbo--you are welcome to toss it in File 13 if you so chose. In truth its worth what you paid for it, lol.
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I guess I'm sorta thinking of this from a different perspective because I'm considering it more casual than serious. The level of relationship definitely plays a factor in actions taken.
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@Nia:
Turns out I wasn't imagining things, but almost everything resolved itself today when she invited me home (so I could eat her lasagne).
She's just really nervous because of that boy she's "targetting" right now. That's why she was invisible in all messengers, including Facebook, for example.
It didn't have anything to do with me.
Apparently she didn't catch on to anything (or at least not any more than she already had).
I'm so, SO relieved.Good to hear. :D
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@I:
the truth is we can never control someone else's reactions, thoughts or feelings (and this applies to you too Nia–though I would also add the caveat that you need to be prepared for the potential fallout of any choices you make--and it sounds as though you have thought that out as well. When the pain of keeping silent overwhelms the joy of being together under what for you may turn into false pretenses, so that the cost of staying in the friendship and staying silent is more than the joy you gain from it, then you'll know its time to take action).
Thanks, mom. ^^
I'm glad I can at least tell her that I love her over and over again - she just doesn't realize I actually mean it, what with that fake realtionship we have going. That makes keeping silent (or rather "silent") a lot easier.
Otherwise I probably would have cracked a year ago. -
first off holy crap it's Buster Call again! :D I can't be the only one who has missed her.
and an actual confession:
! I am aggravated that I have this absurd crush on this guy who is somehow not gay, married, gay and married, or famous. I thought I'd gotten over it, but now it's back in full swing. Yesterday when I was trying to study, he messages me out of nowhere and then I couldn't concentrate for the entire rest of the evening. He's such a dork. I got all worked up and wanted to just punch the walls and run around screaming. I can't tell him anything because we're friends and I only see him when we're with other friends. I'm not good at being social with people, so I doubt long term relationships would work out.
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their is no such thing as a perfect relationship, just two people that aren't willing to give up
Thanks a lot for posting that. I really needed to read that.
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@cooldud_21:
Thanks a lot for posting that. I really needed to read that.
its easy to misconstrue that line, but it really is on the mark. no matter how well you get on with your partner you will always have obstacles in life and even with each others habits or personality traits. not giving up and working on them together is the only thing that will pretty much guarantee any kind of success and increase of bond in any relationship.
My partner and i are currently thousands of miles apart from each other, and it would be easy just to give up and bow to the pressure of loneliness, but we both don't give up and are currently happier than ever. i was a bit skeptical about this phrase in the beginning, and i guess each person can have their own take of what it means, but through it ive pretty much sussed out the simple one thing in any happy relationship that makes it work, and more so helps improve it.
don't get me wrong though, we both argue a lot, but each time we learn, we move on and increase both bond and understanding in each other. which over time has made it into something ive never had before. ive had tons of partners but nobody has come close to what u have now. i actually couldn't imagine myself existing without her in my life which although is scary its quite compelling too.
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I guess this isn't really a true confession, but more what I'm really annoyed at when it comes to particular behaviors. Nothing puts me off more than someone that tries really hard to justify their offenses to someone or a group of people that does take offense. To me that's begging for benefit, and it really does show a lack of compromise or respect. I use to have a bud who I've allowed the benifit of making jokes that would otherwise be offensive to someone else, because hell… I didn't seem to mind as much. Then it got the the point where he would bring this sly behavior up with everyone, including family and newly made acquaintances. I partly blame myself for that since I've allowed him the benefit, but it really got to me when he said that anyone that took offense should just "lighten up". If I could combine those two terms and make it an official word in a dictionary, its definition to me would be "bullshit".
From there I become less tolerant to this behavior, and eventually after some time he learned his lesson and persisted being a total ass completely. Even better, we both changed a whole lot. What really opened our eyes was this one speech a young individual expressed towards an audience during the annual "Haitian Flag Day". I'm not sure if this is popular knowledge, but there is was a slur that resulted from the incident where Haitians came to Miami's shores(US soil) on boats in order to find better lives for themselves. What's the slur? Haitian students were classified as "boats" from peers in an offensive manner. It sounds silly and harmless on the surface, but it became really deep rooted and there were infact alot that were too afraid to speak up. I felt really bad since I myself thought it was harmless, used it myself and it even became prominent in the household. But after hearing that speech and listening to those that did take serious offense to it, I decided to stop and even convinced my family to persist using the label too. There was simply no excuse or justification behind it at all. Especially in an environment like a school.
So yeah. I tend to hold this standard to not let anyone have the benefit to be offensive towards me. Even if it's a joke. I'm still learning myself. I know I've said things that were completely out of line, but I to go as far as to say "lighten up"? Screw that! On my planet we grab blunt objects and smash our neighbor's car windows while immaturely dancing to loud music in their yards for fun, and they don't mind us. Do that on Earth and tell them to lighten the hell up? Tolerance would really be intolerance if those poor Earthlings did.
Short version: If you have friends that tolerate your crap, take it to your damned self-laothing friends.
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I guess this isn't really a true confession, but more what I'm really annoyed at when it comes to particular behaviors. Nothing puts me off more than someone that tries really hard to justify their offenses to someone or a group of people that does take offense.
I had a horrible experience a couple of nights ago, and the douchebag involved tried to justify his actions by telling us that he was "just a loud and obnoxious guy, that's just who he is". Apparently, if we were offended by what he had done, it was "on us". So now you can justify your shitty behavior by adopting "loud and obnoxious" as your personality? Why not just make it okay by adopting "hateful bigot" as your personality? Oh wait, people already do that.
I'm sorry, I'm just tired of being told that I'm "overreacting" or that I'm "too sensitive". If they're on the defensive, and they're trying to justify an action that truly offended somebody else, they KNOW they've done something wrong. So just apologize, try to understand why it was wrong, and try not to do it again. Don't be an asshole.
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Preach.
During lunchtime I sit around a table with some friends and one of them I just met: this guy who went to high school with the others.
Not a bad guy, but he hasn't quite reached that age where you realize just "being offensive" isn't clever or funny.My friends are doormats so they let it slide even though it exasperates them. Nooooot me! I feel not one inch of remorse brick walling his sad attempts at "shock humor."
Rape jokes, pedophelia jokes. Dead baby crap. After being nice and making nice and generally being "nice" about it, I said "if anything's offensive, it's how weak your jokes are."When he talked about how "funny" it would be if he dressed up as the Arizona Theater shooter for Halloween and went to the movies,
I told him straight up what would really be funny is reading about his bullet-ridden corpse over a steaming cup of coffee the next day.
When he joked about going to Comic Con as a paralyzed Christopher Reeve in a wheelchair, I told him I'd love to see him paralyzed for some stupid shit like that.
Didn't say it in a mean way; I wasn't rude about it. We all laughed and smiled and continued the conversation. My jabs didn't stop or ruin anyone's day – but he felt them.The guy sorta looked at me... and paused, and I could tell he saw in me someone who he had to be more clever than if he wanted his jokes to get a laugh.
Tell you what: we don't hear the offensive jokes anymore. -
There was an acquaintance of mine back in high school that me and a few other friends knew. He was a black guy, cool kid. You could tell just by looking that he wasn't one for conflict. And up until one day, things were seemingly going fine until I found out something very disturbing. His white "friends" (pure Southerners) only ever addressed him as the n-word. And he played along with it.
Naturally, I got pissed right away after hearing it the first time. But he tried to urge me that they were just playing around and he was cool with it and… Man, fuck that. It bothered me that I was much more offended than he was, but I wasn't angry at him, not in the least. I was pissed at these assholes that were obviously taking advantage of someone that wants nothing more than peace.
And I could tell, just by looking at his supposed "friends" that they were all chicken shit and if he wasn't so peace-loving, they'd bend over in a second and continue talking behind backs rather than saying anything at all. Later on, and this is something I'm truly amazed by since when I grew up things were different, a guy from that group pissed off a really good friend of mine by calling him the n-word. I wasn't about to stand for it, had he (my good friend) and his brother not begged me to not do anything, I would have fucking murdered that asshole.
But his brother, part of the football team, said that he and the football players would handle it. From what I can understand, they just intimidated him. And to be frank, I think he deserves much more than that. But to be honest, I think I kind of respect it in a way. They didn't give into the violence and take the easy way out by just beating the shit out of him. Growing up, that's definitely what me or anyone else would have done. But instead, they just pressured him.
I suppose I just wasn't at that level of maturity at that age. But it's since been something I've tried to come to understand and practice in life.
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I like that resolution. I like it a lot.
I could tell you stories about the really weird relationship people have with that word nowadays but I like yours, because it seems you really "got" it - they certainly got it - and nobody had to be hurt in the process.
There're always a lot of dynamics at play when that word comes out. It's a fighting word, so when its use doesn't end in violence but the point of "don't ever use it assholes" gets across it's a good ending as far as I'm concerned.–- Update From New Post Merge ---
Purely (hopefully) co-incidentally, I was linked to this article today:
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I have a weird turn-off when it comes to women: painted nails.
It may sound weird, but, I kinda-sorta find painted nails repulsive–instead, preferring 'bland nails' over decorated ones. I mean... It's not going to make me stop dating (or loving) the women I date, but, it does turn me off a bit.
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My friends have told me that I usually come off as angry or unhappy, and that some people think that I'm mad at them when I'm not.
I mean yes, I'm usually extremely unhappy, but I don't mean for it to show. I'm not usually angry at specific people.
That's just how my face looks. I guess I could try to smile more often, but then it would just look forced, I feel like. -
Then you should try to be happy more often.
Then the smiles wouldn't look forced!
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Unassailable Logic: An Arlong Park Story.
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I find it weirdly adorable, to an extent, when guys automatically (I assume because it was drilled into them from their parents or something) tone down cursing or racy/gore-y stories when a women gets nearby or enters the room. Like it's not a trait that I find really admirable or bad, I don't really care, but it's kind of cute, I guess in sort of the same way when a parent is blaspheming to the high heavens and cuts themselves off if they notice their kid is nearby, to be a better role model.
I was hiking with a dude one time, in Montana, and there were some really old animal traps around with skeletons in them. He took a look at them and told me that they were horrible and not to look at them because they were creepy and lmao it was kind of endearing
and useless because come on dude who wouldn't look?In small amounts. There's only so much off "cover your ears, cover your eyes" I can take, no matter how cute I think you are. XD
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I hate to say it but I think I have become a truly vain and superficial person. A few years ago this would have been the opposite of everything I believe in, and deep down I do really abhor it, but I just can't shake this idea that I can't be beautiful, I am worthless. I am trying so hard to get out of this mindset, but I guess it's a form of trauma left from my first relationship where I dated a guy who was mostly concerned with appearances and had the nerve to tell me about other girls that he thought were attractive, including my sister. He eventually left me for one of these girls which was pretty scarring and even though I fully acknowledge that he was a real piece of shit the feeling that I just wasn't good enough has stuck.
It's pretty bad. I spend way too much time standing in front of mirrors and photographing myself, not because I think I'm hot shit, but more because I'm paranoid that I don't really look to other people how I imagine myself to look. I'm desperate to know how others see me and it's totally pathetic. I also have a horrible habit of comparing myself to every other woman I see and when I see that they are more attractive in some way, it's a little painful. I know it makes zero sense to give people credit for good genetics but the fact that so many people judge in this way has become far too real for me.
Before all this, I had cared about my appearance in terms of being neat and presentable but I had good self esteem and didn't worry much about being attractive. Above all, I was striving to be a good person and improve my character. I wish so badly to be able to feel that way again but it has been so difficult. This week I deactivated my facebook account because I felt that it only perpetuated my obsession with my looks and gave me an endless supply of women to compare myself to. It is just one step, but I hope to slowly regain my confidence and become someone who values integrity and intelligence again. I am in a very good relationship now so you wouldn't think it would be that hard to heal but really it is a fucking battle. I hate it.
Also, zombie post like whoa.
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Well, first of all, I'm going to assume that people are not regularly bashing your looks since your post doesn't suggest anything to the contrary, aside from the mention of your ex whom you've already conceded was an asshole.
Basically, I think you're over-thinking things and your perceptions of how people view you are probably skewed. I highly doubt, unless you've made yourself look radically different, that anyone is hyper analyzing your appearance, or cares. That's not to say you can't be concerned with your appearance but there's just the thing, only YOU should be concerned about your appearance. The thought shouldn't even factor in what others think. Because if you were to conform to some aligned sense of attractiveness without being fully committed to it, it wouldn't reflect who you truly are, you wouldn't be truly happy and most importantly, you wouldn't feel natural.
And then what would you do if you made a friend under this guise? Lie forever? If they frequently commented on your appearance would you believe they were measuring your very worth by that scale? (Pro tip: If they are, they're not your friend). And how does attractiveness even play in regular day-to-day situations? More importantly, do you WANT them to play in them?
I guess what I'm ultimately getting at is that attractiveness only goes so far. It's a shallow mechanism for social interaction and will only ever be shallow, figuratively and in practicality. Whereas you, who you are and what you think, can acquire such depth as to leave a profound impression.
I'm going to be frank, and this is complete honesty, I don't remember all the random girls I thought were "attractive". Or at the least, I don't remember most of them. Do you know what I do remember? All the awesome people that have told me awesome stuff. Some of them I respect mountains over anyone else and didn't even look the least bit attractive!
Want to know a quick way to end a relationship based solely on appearance? Having a relationship that's based solely on appearance.
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People don't bash me for my looks at all but I kinda know where you're coming from, shinpanman. I don't obsess over it but sometimes I wonder how I look to people and stuff like what you said.
That being said, I'm not totally hitting the gym just to look hot. I mean, let's be honest, obviously, I do want to get a more fit and toned body, but I'm also doing it cause I just love it. I should have started years ago. Doing stuff at home isn't the same, even if it's dead weight stuff. -
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Wow, this is exactly how I feel.
It's difficult for me to go outside because of the other girls, and I deactivate my Facebook sometimes, when I'm tired of playing that game.