Manly beard-women, yep. :happy:
Dumb Predictions
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Manly beard-women, yep. :happy:
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All right, listen right the fuck up children. It's time to dispense more unquestionably well reasoned truth.
Starting with a shower of rage-inducing Energy Steroids all over the world–sprinkled by none other than Eneru from the motherfucking moon--there will be a new war arc even huger than Marineford, with absolutely fucking everyone we've seen in the manga duking it out in a free-for-all underwater battle that will decide the fate of Fishman Island. Well, really it decides the fate of Fishman Island right off the bat, as in roughly the first second of the war Luffy finally goes all out and the entire island evaporates instantly just from the heat generated by his Supreme Gear Second, some ten miles away. This will probably happen in the first page of the next chapter.
Even the Straw Hats themselves will be engaged in an unrestrained civil war, driven mad by popping dozens upon dozens of Energy Steroids, thinking they were candy. Sanji's most languid kicks alone cause the planet's tectonic plates to shift violently, toppling all the important characters into the sea, conveniently right over the smoldering ruin of Fishman Island where the main locus of the battle is to take place. The Sea Devil himself becomes so frightened he temporarily lifts his curse, allowing DF users to swim and all the combatants to breathe and maneuver underwater without complications. It's a three-dimensional battlefield the size of the entire ocean.
Robin, enhanced by her steroids, duplicates her entire body down to the ankles on all her opponents' bodies and simultaneously executes every move made for her by user josephes in this thread: http://www.apforums.net/showthread.php?t=12628. This promptly causes Sanji to paint the multitudinous seas incarnadine, and so much blood gushes out of his nose that his body fundamentally rewires itself to convert seawater through the eyes into blood. This blood, mixed with the blood shed by the combatants, causes enough hemoglobin to coagulate to create an unprecedented underwater ecosystem based on sexual attraction and gratuitous violence instead of breathing and eating. On an unrelated note, as do Flamingo and Crocodile clash their lips just happen to meet on multiple occasions, quickly followed by an incidental bout of penis fencing. Do Flamingo is defeated when he has to pick sand out of his ass for the rest of the battle.
Akainu expels 20 tons of magma with every breaststroke, which almost dominates the war, since lava beats water. However Luffy's Gear Second temperature has by now surpassed the sun's core. Luffy is only prevented from pummeling Akainu into nothing by Aokiji, whose ice can somehow coexist on a battlefield brimming with lava.
Chaos reigns. Chopper skewers a section of Buggy on each of the 782 prongs on his enhanced antlers, making Gedatsu jealous enough to remember to breathe, which almost causes him to drown. Franky's catchphrase graduates a level to "MEGA!!" Tonjit gets his stilts stuck in Gaimon's treasure chest. Zoro opens his eye to reveal the ultimate eye technique, a fourth sword sticking out of his skull (training with Mihawk sure was rough). Capone, Blackbeard and Caribou struggle to see who could fit Laboon inside himself the easiest.
Law mixes and matches the heads of the Boa sisters to comic effect. Foxy slows Luffy's gatling to a crawl of 6,000 horsepower. Aizen stumbles on this carnage and eats himself alive to get away.
Don Krieg declares himself the strongest man in the world, and is then taken out by a single bristle of Miss Golden Week's brush. Kalifa rubs all of Hawkins's voodoo dolls into adorable soapy chibis, breaking his will. Wapol eats Wanze and spits him out into an even prettier bishie. Nami comedy-slaps Luffy and inadvertently annihilates entire undersea civilizations with the sheer force. The steroids take a peculiar effect on undersexed Mansopp and for months his nose will no longer be the longest thing on him.
Apoo sets all this to his most rocking tune, Careless Whispers. Smoker plays Deep Purple and Brook plays xylophone with his ribs.
Eneru just laughs and laughs on his moon base and sends a single lightning bolt the size of the planet's entire aquatic biomass jagging across the vacuum of space at faster than the speed of light straight into the heart of the battle, electrocuting everything so totally that the force of electromagnetism calls it quits from sheer exhaustion, causing everyone's molecular makeup to pop and warp in the most incomprehensible ways–however all this does is make each character intensely radioactive.
And by the end of the arc (around sevenish chapters in total) NOT A SINGLE CHARACTER WILL HAVE DIED. All the fish and sea kings in the seas are just made all the more delicious by Eneru's bolt, and the nigh earth-shattering scale of destruction just uncovers shining new abodes for marine life to thrive in. Even the denizens of Fishman Island will be revealed to have somehow escaped the instantaneous destruction of their homeland and reconciled their differences to open a city-sized cabaret right next to the Human Auction House on Saobody. Dancing and burlesque will become the sole occupation of the entire fishman and merman races overnight, decided tacitly with not a single world of protest. Hyouzou becomes the organizer of a charity fund and Hodi turns over a new leaf selling cotton candy at the amusement park, and only occasionally savagely beating innocent humans (but his cotton candy is so good they allow it). Meanwhile, with the help of CP9, Iceburg and friends will effortlessly rebuild Fishman Island in less than a day, subtracting a minor lunch break.
In fact, not only will every organism with even the most cursory semblance of life have survived, and the bonds of friendship binding the world have grown stronger for the experience, but characters will actually have risen from the dead in order to watch the clash unfold. Roger, Shiki, Whitebeard, Ace and each of the SHs' dead loved ones will subsequently re-enter the main plot, stronger and more ambitious than ever. (The manliness of the war caused Whitebeard to grow a second chin out of his head-hole, and his eyebrows are now mustache-length.)
However, one calamity will have occurred as a result: Much like the Golden Bell launched up into Upper Yard, the whole island of Raftel will hurtle towards the moon base, and Eneru will claim the title of King of the Pirates and access all the secrets to Roger's unstoppable might. JUST AS PLANNED. Eneru becomes a galactic tyrant.
Until Blackbeard steals his power.
This thread should really be renamed "Gliblord Predicts Future Events in One Piece with Orgasmically Ludicrous Accuracy."
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This thread is renamed "Gliblord Predicts Future Events in One Piece with Orgasmically Ludicrous Accuracy."
Fixed that for you.
LOLAnyway, nice post. Made my night. :)
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Chopper becomes fascinated with his own unique anatomy and is obsessed with amputating his own limbs for study. He bleeds out stupidly.
That sounds like some Phyrexian madness…
naruto was WAY MORE KICKASS after the timeskip
i mean to show his badassness, him and sakura managed to get the bell from kakashi. beating pacifista's is so lame compared to that awesomeness
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Koala will at some point join the SH's as nakama only to be murdered by Arlong in the New World.
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Shanks and Jozu will have their armless sides sewn together by Hogback. They will start the new crew called the Blood Diamond Pirates. Hilarious antics will ensue due to conjoined-twin comedy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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@Doke:
Shanks and Jozu will have their armless sides sewn together by Hogback. They will start the new crew called the Blood Diamond Pirates. Hilarious antics will ensue due to conjoined-twin comedy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Theories will then abound about how this means Shankszu will join the crew.
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Luffy already met Koala in Impel Down and they weren't really friends. . .
Also, if this minokoala has wings for ears, does that mean he is actually Shandian?
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That`s just the snot-kid which was slapped by Otohime.
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Obviously they performed Fusion. (HAAAA !!! :ninja:)
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Shanks spents most of his time in the bathroom, waxing his hair to teh back…
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Arlong will join the crew because as we can all see this flashback is really about him, not Jinbe.
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Fisher Tiger has returned from the grave as a vampire feeding exclusively on human blood.
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The issue with Luffy's parents has been bothering me for a while now, and the more I think of it, the more I get assured Dragon isn't his father. Instead, he's in fact Luffy's long lost mother, Garp's precious daughter named Mary-Jane who was often seen in the Marineford back when she was young lady. One beautiful summer evening, however, she got seduced by Sengoku and unfortunately got pregnant right away. Too bad Sengoku didn't want to involve with bitch anymore and dumped Dragon. She was very upset because of this and wanted to hide her pregnancy, so she run off to the mountains for next nine moths. Or twenty, how in hell should I know. Well, anyway, after Luffy was born, Dragon got back to Garp and told him to take care of him. While Dragon still loved her child, she couldn't stand the fact Luffy was also Sengoku's biological son, and she felt she had no option but deny Luffy. To make sure no one would ever find out, she headed to the secret sex change clinic run by Emporio Ivankov and asked him to turn her into a man. That happened, and needless to say, those two made friends quickly and have been nakamas ever since.
Dragon's endless wrath to Sengoku is also the ultimate reason why he formed a revolutionary army which now intimidates marines all over the world.
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The straw hats will feed the sunny a zoan DF of a giant lion. Some sort of mythological zoan and the sunny will fight San Juan wolf.
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But then Sunny would become a hammer!
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Akainu will kill Nami by magmafisting her and Sanji will teach him that Fire burns Magma.
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Sabo is alive and the story of One Piece is the book that he wanted to write, which is why the narrator seems to pop in periodically like when Ace was captured by Black Beard or during the Skypiea Arc.
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@Doke:
Sabo is alive and the story of One Piece is the book that he wanted to write, which is why the narrator seems to pop in periodically like when Ace was captured by Black Beard or during the Skypiea Arc.
So…
Sabo = Oda = Goda = God = Enel
Sabo = Zoro
Sabo = Law = Gin
Sabo = Bonney = Koala
I feel like we're just a few theories/dumb predictions off from proving that Sabo is the entire OPverse as well as Oda. -
Sabo = Oda
Sabo isn't Oda and Oda isn't the narrator. Oda is the author they are different things…
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But if One Piece is the book Sabo wanted to write… But yeah, I get what you meant better now.
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As i think Sabo is still alive and doing well in the revolution army w/ Dragon. I also think Full shout island is an island that Dragon have now under his wing (it seems she isn't affiliated to Reverie at Tiger's time.) and probably Koala which have all the reason to hate the marines end up joining Dragon and she is now a leader in their rank.
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X. Drake's been practicing his Zoan powers.
Instead of a dinosaur, he's evolved into a chicken. -
@Doke:
Sabo is alive and the story of One Piece is the book that he wanted to write, which is why the narrator seems to pop in periodically like when Ace was captured by Black Beard or during the Skypiea Arc.
@Doke:
Sabo isn't Oda and Oda isn't the narrator. Oda is the author they are different things…
Are you going to be the next champion of fixing the intentionally dumb predictions in this thread?
…please don't.
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If Franky upgrades his cola engine to a fusion reactor, he'll obtain Super-Saiyan hair.
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Haki will eventually be downgraded to…
GENERIC ENERGY BLASTS.If Franky upgrades his cola engine to a fusion reactor, he'll obtain Super-Saiyan hair.
lol, would it REALLY change all that much?
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All right folks, in homage to Speed Jiru's excellent post on the nakamate thread I'm going to theorize on the next few Straw Hats.
#10
Lophi the Female Anglerfish Karate Fishman
Role: Thing fans want
Quirk: Like all female anglerfish, she is hideous, and often has to suppress the urge to absorb the men on the crew into her flesh as miniscule, headless, sperm-producing gonads!
Tragic past: Dated Macro.
Dream: To like, chill.#11
Weaker
Role: Foil for Stronger
Quirk: Is a horse. Adorably mistakes Usopp's nose for a carrot and rips it clean off.
Tragic past: Ate Usopp's nose, must atone.
Dream: To find and eat the World Carrot, which will make its eyesight really good.#12
Renatus the Mangler
Role: Serial killer
Quirk: Sometimes he shoots people point blank in the rectum to make the death last longer! Silly willy!
Tragic past: Hasn't had the opportunity to shed enough blood to satisfy his cravings
Dream: Execute the most exquisite and artful chain of senseless murders#13
Rippi Topps
Role: Prostitute
Quirk: So abused she can barely breathe!
Tragic past: Born with AIDS
Dream: To infect those who have wronged her with all of her countless diseases#14
Charlotte Cuulhorne#15
Pposu
Role: Bizarro Usopp
Quirk: Inverted nose causes own brain to malfunction!
Tragic past: Don't know what it is yet but it's 12 volumes long
Dream: Also Laboon -
Cheers had a good laugh though the excellence of the original post remains unsurpassed.
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I can't find the original….:(
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That was hilarious. Good job
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#16
Hypolita
Role: Ancient witch doctor
Quirk: Very picky about the hearts she offers up in tribute to Kikikua the Cumuloserpent; refuses to wear bra
Tragic past: Is way too fucking old
Dream: To be able to blink without breaking her hip#17
Carlotte Boulhorne
Role: Lovechild of Charlotte Cuulhorne and Caribou -
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Charlotte Cuulhorne easily has the saddest backstory. I mean, he had to deal with be in Bleach for gods sake.
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Did I mention Carlotte Boulhorne becomes the new captain, and Luffy's new role is Boulhorne's fawning buttboy?
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speed jiro is the new thing here on Apforums. Glad to have been there to see the original. @ Gliblord, that truly is a worthy homage. It is almost just as idiotic but you'll never beat the real thing :D
You have to be a very special person to pull that off. . .!
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Hatchan won't join the Straw Hats, but Nami will leave the crew to work at his takoyaki stand. She will then betray him and join the New Fishman Pirates.
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Hatchan won't join the Straw Hats, but Nami will leave the crew to work at his takoyaki stand. She will then betray him and join the New Fishman Pirates.
After the flashback, she'll be so moved by the Sun Pirates' story that she'll tattoo the Sun Mark over the oranges. And then that.
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The Gorosei's Names are as Follows: Monkey, Portagas, Gol, Jaguar, Marshal
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It will be revealed that Ace traveled (for a while) as a vigilante known as…
THE HUMAN TORCH!! -
Are you going to be the next champion of fixing the intentionally dumb predictions in this thread?
…please don't.
You're right it wasn't meant to be taken seriously, but I didn't want to be misinterpreted either.
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Ivkanov will be revealed to be Luffy's mother.
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Aladdin killed fisher tiger. By lying about his blood type. Dundundun
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Aladdin isn't actually Aladdin, he's the genie from Aladdin
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When the time comes for Luffy to ask Zoro if he poops… It turns out he doesn't.
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that is indeed the kind of theory you would expect from a marshmmallow. Simply loved it!
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Doflamingo's "higher authority" is…
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Batman, who Crocodile didn't REALLY kill.
