@TheCrystalShip:
If Holy comes in here, maybe she can shed some light on this issue. If I say anything more, I'll just get eye-rolling.
But that's precisely why Holy is so anxious when it comes to talking about these things, so I doubt she will show up.
The point is, I hate myself and having to live. Everything sucks.
Crystal, not to be overly… literal, but it is virtually impossible for you to get eye rolls here--not only is it a forum on your computer, so any non-verbals are simply not part of the equation, but this is The Confession Thread--made for just this sort of thing. This thread is meant to provide a place to unburden yourslf, despite the rampant jokes and light chitchat lately. I have been absent from the forums for some time, but most are the same folks I knew and loved before--a group of people I was proud to be a part of who showed compassion and wisdom when folks came here with a problem. You seem to need to talk about it, since you've mentioned it several times, and it seems from what I can see (and of course I am not infallable, so I may be wrong) its only this projecting of your own negative feelings about yourself onto the folks here that is holding you back. Whether you would benefit from what this thread and these folks have to offer is entirely your call, of course, but please do not hold back out of fear of judgmental attitudes from the denizens of AP. I have yet to see any, but if anyone had the bad taste and lack of good sense to offer such negativity, in this thread especially, my guess is they would be soundly put in their place sooner than later. In the end you must do what is best for you, of course. Talk if you need to, without fear of judgment, but also don't let me or anyone else make you feel pressured into talking if you truly don't wish to. Take care of yourself. Depression sucks.