! A few hours ago, I got drunk and very rudely insulted my brother's fìance while playing cards with them after supper by using the phrase "god damn" in front of her multiple times and broaching sensitive subjects. She is much more religious than she puts on. She imposed herself on my parents that we MUST have dinner every other week together even though they have their own very, very busy schedules with work and taking care of my ailing grandparents, simply because she has dinner at her grandparents every week with her family. There is also the fact that she keeps giving and taking tasks for the upcoming wedding at seemingly random, which further adds to the stress. I got chewed out for being drunk, rude, and being like my worthless uncles, but in many ways I don't feel a single ounce of regret for my actions because I gave her a taste of what my brother has to go through every week at her family's dinners. He has never felt comfortable talking about religion or politics, but those are the only two topics ever broached at their dinners. I am being quite serious about that, by the way, not even current event make it into the conversation with out being politicized or baptized. Also, her grandfather is a former Nazerrene minister which just adds even more relgion and politics to the disscussion. In a way, by being an insensitive, drunk, rude asshole, I stood up in a way I couldn't sober. I know that I changed the social dynamic of further dinners, probably got my brother chewed out, and embarassed the hell out of my parents, but if it made her squirm and feel discomfort the way my brother has had to every week, then I'm okay with finally being the bad guy and a total asshole even if it almost made me feel like killing myself again. Seriously though, I went to sleep with my old box of razors and started writing out my apology letters to my loved ones, again. I'm just glad I see my therapist today to help me sort this all out, especially the feelings of worthlessness and depression exacerbated by stress as well as the feelings of worthlessness through cowardice as my parents did a great job of programing me with guilt when I was young. They always told me thst suicide was a coward's way out and that everyone around me would suffer for my actions. It made depression and suicidal thoughts that much harder to deal with as instead of feeling like I was dealing with an existintal crisis, I was suddenly a coward who was being selfish which just pairs so great with self-loathing and worthlessness. Also, I was alway told "never do anything you would not want your grandparent's to see on the front page of the newspaper" which has contributed greatly to my already large sense of guilt about everything. I think I am finally done apologizing. Sorry for the long winded, run on sentence laden paragraph I just plopped down there, but I had to get this off me chest now. Thanks for listening AP, it is good to finally let this all out.
Confession Session - LOCK THIS THREAD
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@Blagtastic88:
! A few hours ago, I got drunk and very rudely insulted my brother's fìance while playing cards with them after supper by using the phrase "god damn" in front of her multiple times and broaching sensitive subjects. She is much more religious than she puts on. She imposed herself on my parents that we MUST have dinner every other week together even though they have their own very, very busy schedules with work and taking care of my ailing grandparents, simply because she has dinner at her grandparents every week with her family. There is also the fact that she keeps giving and taking tasks for the upcoming wedding at seemingly random, which further adds to the stress. I got chewed out for being drunk, rude, and being like my worthless uncles, but in many ways I don't feel a single ounce of regret for my actions because I gave her a taste of what my brother has to go through every week at her family's dinners. He has never felt comfortable talking about religion or politics, but those are the only two topics ever broached at their dinners. I am being quite serious about that, by the way, not even current event make it into the conversation with out being politicized or baptized. Also, her grandfather is a former Nazerrene minister which just adds even more relgion and politics to the disscussion. In a way, by being an insensitive, drunk, rude asshole, I stood up in a way I couldn't sober. I know that I changed the social dynamic of further dinners, probably got my brother chewed out, and embarassed the hell out of my parents, but if it made her squirm and feel discomfort the way my brother has had to every week, then I'm okay with finally being the bad guy and a total asshole even if it almost made me feel like killing myself again. Seriously though, I went to sleep with my old box of razors and started writing out my apology letters to my loved ones, again. I'm just glad I see my therapist today to help me sort this all out, especially the feelings of worthlessness and depression exacerbated by stress as well as the feelings of worthlessness through cowardice as my parents did a great job of programing me with guilt when I was young. They always told me thst suicide was a coward's way out and that everyone around me would suffer for my actions. It made depression and suicidal thoughts that much harder to deal with as instead of feeling like I was dealing with an existintal crisis, I was suddenly a coward who was being selfish which just pairs so great with self-loathing and worthlessness. Also, I was alway told "never do anything you would not want your grandparent's to see on the front page of the newspaper" which has contributed greatly to my already large sense of guilt about everything. I think I am finally done apologizing. Sorry for the long winded, run on sentence laden paragraph I just plopped down there, but I had to get this off me chest now. Thanks for listening AP, it is good to finally let this all out.
I'll just say this. If you need to be drunk to do something. It's probably not a good thing.
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@Blagtastic88:
! Seriously though, I went to sleep with my old box of razors and started writing out my apology letters to my loved ones, again. I'm just glad I see my therapist today to help me sort this all out, especially the feelings of worthlessness and depression exacerbated by stress as well as the feelings of worthlessness through cowardice as my parents did a great job of programing me with guilt when I was young. They always told me thst suicide was a coward's way out and that everyone around me would suffer for my actions. It made depression and suicidal thoughts that much harder to deal with as instead of feeling like I was dealing with an existintal crisis, I was suddenly a coward who was being selfish which just pairs so great with self-loathing and worthlessness. Also, I was alway told "never do anything you would not want your grandparent's to see on the front page of the newspaper" which has contributed greatly to my already large sense of guilt about everything. I think I am finally done apologizing. Sorry for the long winded, run on sentence laden paragraph I just plopped down there, but I had to get this off me chest now. Thanks for listening AP, it is good to finally let this all out.
If you want to remove your own life, it means you are very unhappy with your life and not that you are a coward. I don't think it's an easy thing to take your own life. It's a very difficult thing to do which speaks volumes about your emotional state if you think it's better to die than to live. Also, stop a second and think about yourself instead of others. I know a very good and wonderful person who thinks the worst of himself because of how worthless his parents make him feel and how they belittle him over stupid shit. He started getting better, less depressed and happier when he started ignoring them and started doing things that made him happy. As I don't personally know you, I can't tell you what to do exactly to feel better and start loving and accepting yourself, but I can tell you that it's a very big world and there's a place in it for everyone no matter how far from the place we started. :)
Also your brother's fiance should treat and respect his opinions better instead of force-feeding him hers and her family's…
My 3DS Friend Code: 1091 - 8457 - 8212
~Goronyanya~
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Just to reiterate what others have said, suicide is not an answer necessarily about cowardice or guilt towards other people around you (although I suppose you may consider them factors that people consider as important to their life). This is your life we're talking about; this isn't your parents or your brothers' or your grandparents or anyone else around you. Think not about how your life factors or values in others but think more as to what makes you personally happy. That sort of instinctive happiness that you don't need any sort of inebriation to bring out. This of course does not mean you go about being a nuisance to everyone around you just because that sort of trouble makes you "happy", but you have the right to carve out time for yourself and to find your own inner peace.
Anyway I'd say it probably would have been a better idea to address your frustrations in a more civil manner, but, well, it's out in the open now, so may as well try to work with her to negotiate and compromise I suppose, considering that, if anyone, she is the one who should be trying to integrate into the family and not vice versa.
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@Outerspec: Didn't need to be drunk to make an ass of myself, but it probably helped.
@Purple Hermit: Thank you. I know that I have to make it more about myself, but I can't help but feel that the whole is more important than the part in interpersonal relationships. Temporary discomfort and awkwardness are good if they lead to stronger relationships, so long as you are not compromising yourself. She will probably ignore any points I may have made because I was drunk and everyone will go back to business as usual within a week. Inebriation is indeed not happiness, but a drink or two every once in a while is nice.
@Chrissie: Well, my brother's fiancé is a pretty decent woman, but she can be a little too intense. Also, when you marry someone, often times you marry their family. Her family is much more extreme politically and religiously than either her or my brother. I remember my brother telling me about when he was arguing with one of them about the contents of the United States constitution in relation to something inane and the other family member couldn't even get the spirit of the passage right. So not only do they argue about politics and religion, they do it poorly. My parents are probably the greatest people I have ever met and raised me well, but everyone has their faults and everyone gets on someones nerves every once and a while. Probably was about time we all had a spat anyways.
Overall, I'm better. I really have no right to complain, bitch, or moan about anything because, damn, I have it better than most. Mostly, I think all the stress, aggravation, frustration, sadness, and perceived futility just finally caught up with me. I have been through the whole suicidal thoughts and depression thing too many damn times over the past five years to let it stop me now. Gotten really close quite few times, but I'm still here. I guess I am still not coping with these spells as well as I thought I was. Thank you all for commenting and supporting. Life is still just one hell of a ride.
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@Blagtastic88:
@Chrissie: Well, my brother's fiancé is a pretty decent woman, but she can be a little too intense. Also, when you marry someone, often times you marry their family. Her family is much more extreme politically and religiously than either her or my brother. I remember my brother telling me about when he was arguing with one of them about the contents of the United States constitution in relation to something inane and the other family member couldn't even get the spirit of the passage right. So not only do they argue about politics and religion, they do it poorly. My parents are probably the greatest people I have ever met and raised me well, but everyone has their faults and everyone gets on someones nerves every once and a while. Probably was about time we all had a spat anyways.
That's why my love and I won't be living too close to our families. XD They are good people and we love them to death, but we like our peace and quiet and to do our own thang with no third parties butting in out of the blue.
Well, I am sure she can't help it if that's how she was raised, though it'd be better if you asked her politely to tone it down if she makes you uncomfortable when she gets too intense just to avoid tension building up. I also do hope that her family's religious and political arguments, don't cause discomfort in their relationship because that'd suck.
I don't think there are perfect parents out there that do every single thing right really. Most people I know, no matter how much they love their parents, they have a complaint (big or small) about them. -
@Blagtastic88:
! A few hours ago, I got drunk and very rudely insulted my brother's fìance while playing cards with them after supper by using the phrase "god damn" in front of her multiple times and broaching sensitive subjects. She is much more religious than she puts on. She imposed herself on my parents that we MUST have dinner every other week together even though they have their own very, very busy schedules with work and taking care of my ailing grandparents, simply because she has dinner at her grandparents every week with her family. There is also the fact that she keeps giving and taking tasks for the upcoming wedding at seemingly random, which further adds to the stress. I got chewed out for being drunk, rude, and being like my worthless uncles, but in many ways I don't feel a single ounce of regret for my actions because I gave her a taste of what my brother has to go through every week at her family's dinners. He has never felt comfortable talking about religion or politics, but those are the only two topics ever broached at their dinners. I am being quite serious about that, by the way, not even current event make it into the conversation with out being politicized or baptized. Also, her grandfather is a former Nazerrene minister which just adds even more relgion and politics to the disscussion. In a way, by being an insensitive, drunk, rude asshole, I stood up in a way I couldn't sober. I know that I changed the social dynamic of further dinners, probably got my brother chewed out, and embarassed the hell out of my parents, but if it made her squirm and feel discomfort the way my brother has had to every week, then I'm okay with finally being the bad guy and a total asshole even if it almost made me feel like killing myself again. Seriously though, I went to sleep with my old box of razors and started writing out my apology letters to my loved ones, again. I'm just glad I see my therapist today to help me sort this all out, especially the feelings of worthlessness and depression exacerbated by stress as well as the feelings of worthlessness through cowardice as my parents did a great job of programing me with guilt when I was young. They always told me thst suicide was a coward's way out and that everyone around me would suffer for my actions. It made depression and suicidal thoughts that much harder to deal with as instead of feeling like I was dealing with an existintal crisis, I was suddenly a coward who was being selfish which just pairs so great with self-loathing and worthlessness. Also, I was alway told "never do anything you would not want your grandparent's to see on the front page of the newspaper" which has contributed greatly to my already large sense of guilt about everything. I think I am finally done apologizing. Sorry for the long winded, run on sentence laden paragraph I just plopped down there, but I had to get this off me chest now. Thanks for listening AP, it is good to finally let this all out.
It's good to hear that you're sorting it out… I've struggled with much of the same thing, and my grandma too burned in the idea that suicide was cowardly and a damnable act.
I think solving your issues and getting out of a bad situation takes a fuckton of guts, but it also takes a fuckton of guts to actually go through and end your own life. They're just different kinds of guts.
I don't know what all you've gone through :/ But it sounds like you try really hard to keep on keepin' on, and that so far you seem to get a little better each time you have a setback (am I wrong?) You're moving forward :D Feel good.
Though, it kinda sounds like your future sister-in-law may have needed a small kick in the pants. I personally don't think it's ok for someone to come into a family and start making demands. We kinda sorta deal with that with my aunt her family, thanks to my uncle. Everything has to revolve around what he wants, and last christmas that dynamic was finally challenged for the first time and he got pissy. It's stupid, but that kind of thing really irks me. It's one thing to evolve your traditions to fit in new members but, to have them based around the whims and wants of them versus what's convenient for the rest of the family is pretty dumb.
I kinda worry if I ever find someone that I like enough to marry, like what might happen when I try to mesh into a new family. I'm used to being alone, being the only child, not being apart of regular "normal" family. I would be GLAD to mesh with the family of my new spouse because it would be nice to actually be apart of a family, but I'd hate it if I couldn't included my mom and grandfather. I feel guilty about moving away because it will take away from them too... So complicated P:
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Basically everyonee from my bfs family hates me even so they've never met me. Lol
"Unicorns can't see into your heart. All our dumb horns can do is glow, point towards the nearest rainbow and play rave music!"
Visit my Etsy Shop: Heart'n'Skull or Tumblr
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Poor Nami.
Also, as much as I hate being whiny and selfish,Im feeling more and more alone everyday. I know it seems ridiculous to feel that way, when you are surrounded by a family as loving as mine, going to a college full of nice people and being free to do as I wish… But Im losing grip. This isnt going to be forever and as much as I struggle to hold on to hope. I just cant.
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Ohh, I keep saying it's time for me to find a job, but I have yet to do anything about it. It's pathetic, because someone has to help get the family through the cold seasons when my dad doesn't have any work. We're running out of necessities very quickly, and I'm just sitting here.
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You know you need a job. You recognize your lack of action is "pathetic" (just quoting here). Yet, you just sit? Why is that? A lack of motivation? Hesitant to confine yourself to a time schedule that'll take away from the freedom you have now? No good jobs out there? Feelings of trepidation that no matter what job you'll apply for no one's going to hire you? Laziness…? Something else?
Whatever it is once you figure out your roadblock you will move on from there. My advice is just go out there and apply yourself and figure it out on the way because it sounds like your family could use the help, and you care. If you have the internet you don't even have to leave the house to apply for a job though I've always believed face to face interaction is best. Go out there and find a job. Most times any job is better than no job.
Good luck!
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So I'm contemplating about confronting a friend of mine.
Within our organization, we had an election for who should go to a conference in Arizona. Generally how it works is that one candidate gives a speech as to why they should be elected, while the others wait in the other room, and then we rotate through all of them. And after they're all done, the rest of the organization discusses about it and then votes. My friend and I were 2 of the 6 candidates.
My friend ended up winning, which I was ok with. But what bothered me was that it seemed like he won because of pure charm. While they were voting, he told me that he simply didn't give a speech and instead said, "Yeah, so I'm running for this. Any questions?" Plus, he good friends with an influential person that was voting, and apparently during discussion he talked him up.
Additionally, as I entered the seperate room when I was done with my speech, I heard him talking about me in a negative tone. Mainly that's what I want to ask him about.I dunno. Call it stupid politics or whatever. Just the fact that he can get whatever he wants and manipulates things in his favor just bothers me. I know this thing happens on a much bigger scale in businesses and whatnot, but when it's something as small as a college organization where I could do something about it, it's just irritating. Mainly because I feel no one's going to believe me, and he'll somehow manipulate it into making him look like he was a victim.
I'm hoping to confront him in a positive manner, since I really don't want to bring negativity to our friendship. I just want to know why he'd want something so badly that he'd have to rely on shady means to get it.
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Sounds like to me he doesn't really want the position if he's 'just running' for it. If you're going to confront him tell him why you wanted the position and exactly why. Explain the reasons why you felt you could best help the organization in the position and then ask him why he wanted it. If he's just running for nonchalant reasons then ask him, if he's not that invested in the position as the other candidates then why would he run in the first place? In doing so he screwed over all the other candidates and kinda the organization as a whole for his nonchalant reasons. Then you can get to the possibility of whether or not he threw you under the bus specifically.
Overall, just let him know the position really meant something to you beyond just a place of power or significance. If he reacts badly to that then that's just the way he is. Take note and if you want to still be friends with him then that's solely up to you, but quite frankly that's not a friend you want to have.
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Ohh, I keep saying it's time for me to find a job, but I have yet to do anything about it. It's pathetic, because someone has to help get the family through the cold seasons when my dad doesn't have any work. We're running out of necessities very quickly, and I'm just sitting here.
job hunting is like the most draining depressing shit on the planet
try to break it down to applying to like 5-10 places a day and then go home and sit around, because then you'll just be waiting instead of procrastinating
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I am terrified of preparing for my wedding with Zeph @_@ Because I kinda suck on deciding for things and sticking with them to the end! Even picking a dress and sticking with it will be a nightmare! ;-; Finding the perfect ring was surprisingly easy though the search for the perfect Sapphire (didn't want a diamond) to set in the center is taking a while. And the worse thing is we'll have to prepare TWO Weddings in both countries! THE STRESS!
My 3DS Friend Code: 1091 - 8457 - 8212
~Goronyanya~
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i sneak downstairs to play video games when i'm supposed to be a sleep and sometimes when i'm supposed to go to school
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Wow, those last two posts demonstrated the breadth of AP's demographic quite succinctly.
I am terrified of preparing for my wedding with Zeph @_@ Because I kinda suck on deciding for things and sticking with them to the end! Even picking a dress and sticking with it will be a nightmare! ;-; Finding the perfect ring was surprisingly easy though the search for the perfect Sapphire (didn't want a diamond) to set in the center is taking a while. And the worse thing is we'll have to prepare TWO Weddings in both countries! THE STRESS! http://www.img.smiley-gratos.com/smiley-gratos.com/smileys/926-poule-surprise.gif
That does sound massively anxiety-inducing - the whole locking things in stone is a big deal when it's for a Big Deal, and you obviously don't want to get it wrong - though there isn't an objective right/wrong with things like this, or even a scale. The fact there are two weddings does sound like a subscription to Stress Weekly but I suppose it gives you a bit of flexibility in terms of tailoring each respective ceremony to the audience there? Like I imagine you can be a lot more free with the stateside ceremony than the island one.
i sneak downstairs to play video games when i'm supposed to be a sleep and sometimes when i'm supposed to go to school
I was thinking how kinda irresponsible this is, but heck, I used to sneak downstairs to do it myself all the time. FFX's Blitzball doesn't feel the same when it's not played in a dark living room at 2am with the sound turned down as low as possible and a constant alert for creeking floorboards meaning that my parents were out of bed.
Now, there's nothing stopping me from playing games all night. But then I'd probably pass out on my desk at work and get fired and then have no money. Responsibilities, whee.
Though skipping school to play games is a different matter - you really are shooting yourself in the foot doing that, especially if it's just the play the games and not to avoid problems at school.
moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon
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@Print:
Wow, those last two posts demonstrated the breadth of AP's demographic quite succinctly.
That does sound massively anxiety-inducing - the whole locking things in stone is a big deal when it's for a Big Deal, and you obviously don't want to get it wrong - though there isn't an objective right/wrong with things like this, or even a scale. The fact there are two weddings does sound like a subscription to Stress Weekly but I suppose it gives you a bit of flexibility in terms of tailoring each respective ceremony to the audience there? Like I imagine you can be a lot more free with the stateside ceremony than the island one.
I am not actually stressed about getting married to him! I am very excited for that and very certain he is the one! I am stressed about preparing the weddings XD
Dunno which one to be more stressed about lol! Like… My brothers will be both married by then and I can get their experience to use it for my own wedding, but at the same time I do want mine to be different.. In the states there is so much freedom, I don't even know where to start from! It's toooo muuuuuuuch!My 3DS Friend Code: 1091 - 8457 - 8212
~Goronyanya~
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Sounds almost like you'd rather elope. Or atleast have a small ceremony
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My 3DS Friend Code: 1091 - 8457 - 8212
~Goronyanya~
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Yeah i figure that a grand, costly, wedding is the only "acceptable" option for an Italian-Cypriotic union.
Especially since you always note that your family is very conservative about these things.
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I am not actually stressed about getting married to him! I am very excited for that and very certain he is the one! I am stressed about preparing the weddings XD
Dunno which one to be more stressed about lol! Like… My brothers will be both married by then and I can get their experience to use it for my own wedding, but at the same time I do want mine to be different.. In the states there is so much freedom, I don't even know where to start from! It's toooo muuuuuuuch!Oh no, I knew that! I didn't mean the partner, I meant the other details - the music, the dress, the flowers, the reception, the photographer, the setting, etc. The choice of partner is (or should be) the easiest part XD
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I just came home from the hospital. I wanted to kill myself again. Im sorry for being so whiny and ungrateful, guys.
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I am terrified of preparing for my wedding with Zeph @_@ Because I kinda suck on deciding for things and sticking with them to the end! Even picking a dress and sticking with it will be a nightmare! ;-; Finding the perfect ring was surprisingly easy though the search for the perfect Sapphire (didn't want a diamond) to set in the center is taking a while. And the worse thing is we'll have to prepare TWO Weddings in both countries! THE STRESS! http://www.img.smiley-gratos.com/smiley-gratos.com/smileys/926-poule-surprise.gif
Omgaaaaaaad :D (excuse me while I "AWWWWW" out loud)
No I totally hear you, figuring out the wedding is stressful as hell! From the venue to who's coming, food, who's delivering the ceremony, cripes!
Just remember that this day is about you guys; your bond and your union. Try to keep that idea in focus throughout any stress that may meet you.
And don't stress about whatever dress you pick, you will look gorgeous in ANY dress you wear :)Hidden:
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MMaybe that helps.
"Unicorns can't see into your heart. All our dumb horns can do is glow, point towards the nearest rainbow and play rave music!"
Visit my Etsy Shop: Heart'n'Skull or Tumblr
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There was this College Paper thing I had to do. It was about this weird Cyber Hermit guy who lost all sense of reality. It was pretty sad…until the text pointed out that we could not pronounce the word "Novia" (Girlfriend, Bride)LOL.
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I just came home from the hospital. I wanted to kill myself again. Im sorry for being so whiny and ungrateful, guys.
Can you explain the details, if that's okay? I wanna help you out bro.
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Oh yes. Yes, I'd rather elope. But you can't even imagine the butthurt we'd receive.
Not to involve myself in business that isn't mine – not to mention I'm sure you already well know what I'm about to say -- but I think it might be worth stating the obvious, regardless.
The wedding, or weddings, as the case may be, are part of your life. First and foremost, it is for, and about, you. ('You' here of course being used in the collective sense of the couple.) If neither family could make it to a wedding in the other country, and you absolutely wanted both families to be able to experience it, fine; if that wasn't an issue, but you simply wanted a wedding in both countries regardless, for whatever reason, fine. I suppose, for that matter, that even if the only reason you'd be doing it is because the stress it would invoke would be better than the fallout you'd receive else wise, that would be fine, if an arguably unfortunate precedent. The important thing, in the end, is that it's about you, which is something that others will have to learn to recognize.
Which, again, I have no doubt is all stuff you're perfectly aware of and have gone through and I'm preaching to the choir, as it were. So it goes!
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I am not actually stressed about getting married to him! I am very excited for that and very certain he is the one! I am stressed about preparing the weddings XD
Dunno which one to be more stressed about lol! Like… My brothers will be both married by then and I can get their experience to use it for my own wedding, but at the same time I do want mine to be different.. In the states there is so much freedom, I don't even know where to start from! It's toooo muuuuuuuch!u could always hire a wedding planner :)
This is kind of a confession but I've never had any real desire to get married… Not that I haven't thought about how I would do it but my motivation for getting one is really really low. Idk haha
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I just came home from the hospital. I wanted to kill myself again. Im sorry for being so whiny and ungrateful, guys.
Don't do this stuff kid…We don't know each other so I don't know your situation but I can tell you there is ALWAYS an alternative. Do you have someone at home you can talk to? Or get some trained help. there are hotlines with trained people who can help you and tell you how to proceed from your position without resorting to this. It's important to talk to someone, be it here or with a real life friend or family and find a way to solve whatever is making you so unhappy. Just talk to someone before thinking of doing sth like this again, ok? Stay safe.
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I just came home from the hospital. I wanted to kill myself again. Im sorry for being so whiny and ungrateful, guys.
I can empathize with that sentiment, I've been there before. Just remember though that when you hit rock bottom the only place you can go from there is UP. I promise that if you continue to confide in those you trust and for lack of a better phrase 'tough it out' you'll make it through whatever pain it is that weighs so heavy on your heart.
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Omgaaaaaaad :D (excuse me while I "AWWWWW" out loud)
No I totally hear you, figuring out the wedding is stressful as hell! From the venue to who's coming, food, who's delivering the ceremony, cripes!
Just remember that this day is about you guys; your bond and your union. Try to keep that idea in focus throughout any stress that may meet you.
And don't stress about whatever dress you pick, you will look gorgeous in ANY dress you wear :)Maybe in Canada and the US it's about us lol.
Dunno how Trinidad is by comparison, but Cyprus is old fashioned as heck on these sorts of things.
We created minor earthquakes just by announcing engagement without consulting them first. -
Zeph is right. If I ever were to even bring up a wedding without my family having met who I'm marrying, the sort of family issues that would develop would be gigantic. Hispanic culture is still particular in that sense.
The concept of a family is huge to some cultures, and the idea of someone joining the family without previous approval or interaction is akin to throwing ice buckets down unexpecting backs.
Personally though, I do tend to lean more towards the idea of just marrying who you want when you want and making it a quick, personal and intimate affair. Expensive weddings scare the crap out of me.
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@Monkey:
Maybe in Canada and the US it's about us lol.
Dunno how Trinidad is by comparison, but Cyprus is old fashioned as heck on these sorts of things.
We created minor earthquakes just by announcing engagement without consulting them first.You gotta admit, it was kinda funny they reacted :P
–- Update From New Post Merge ---
Personally though, I do tend to lean more towards the idea of just marrying who you want when you want and making it a quick, personal and intimate affair. Expensive weddings scare the crap out of me.
Me too! I always wanted a close circle wedding X3
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When you're marrying someone you are essentially marrying into his/her family and your partner is marrying into yours. Marriage gains a new addition to either family. That's why in most cases it's best that your family have met/known about the person before you announce you're getting married. This person being a future part of the family now.
Now, asking for permission to marry someone is a different matter. That's why you don't ask for "permission". You ask for "blessings". If you want to take the traditional route that is. In the end, marry who you want. Just be sure to notify the families beforehand.
Everything's Eventual…
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I honestly never thought about the family when I think of marrying.Now I try to think of how the families would react… well, my dad would probably laugh and be cool with it. In my partners family would be a few that would get upset over it... i don't know. But I do believe that it's none of their business to be harsh.
Family tends to judge but who can judge a relationship than the two people involved in it? Sure there are close people who maybe see u interact on a daily basis but family pretty much aren't those people in our case.I try to think that I wouldn't give a fuck if someone from his side wouldn't agree to the wedding. I mean I already know that to some I'm just a thorn in their side. I'm not marrying to make them happy but myself.
"Unicorns can't see into your heart. All our dumb horns can do is glow, point towards the nearest rainbow and play rave music!"
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When you're marrying someone you are essentially marrying into his/her family and your partner is marrying into yours. Marriage gains a new addition to either family. That's why in most cases it's best that your family have met/known about the person before you announce you're getting married. This person being a future part of the family now.
Now, asking for permission to marry someone is a different matter. That's why you don't ask for "permission". You ask for "blessings". If you want to take the traditional route that is. In the end, marry who you want. Just be sure to notify the families beforehand.
We both met each other's families and both sides approve of the marriage and are very happy with the partner we chose actually! It was the fact that Zeph didn't ask my hand from my dad that made my dad angry but he cooled off after Zeph sent him a very nice message. If he was a different person, he could've said no to the marriage actually so it's neat my dad is chiller about stuff like this than the traditional Cypriot father.
What you are missing here is culture context. Because I come from a small island where everyone knows everyone and tradition is very important, having a big wedding is expected and people would actually hold grudges towards my family if they didn't get invited to a wedding with lots of food, drinks and dancing. Both sides share the invitations (from 500 to 1000 people usually each) and the parents are the ones who chose who to invite while the bride and the groom are allowed separately to invite a group of their friends. The invitations usually go out months before. I am definitely going to enjoy the wedding in the USA more because I won't have to stand for hours greeting people I possibly don't even know, who want to congratulate the groom and the bride. I swear it's more of a chore in Cyprus to have a wedding lol. The guests will definitely enjoy it more than the couple in Zeph's and I case because we are generally shy and very personal! XD
–- Update From New Post Merge ---
u could always hire a wedding planner :)
This is kind of a confession but I've never had any real desire to get married… Not that I haven't thought about how I would do it but my motivation for getting one is really really low. Idk haha
Nah :U I'd drive the poor person insane and get sued for emotional abuse by the end of our cooperation xD
It's a bit unfortunate we couldn't have more time as a couple y'know? But fucking LD is a pain in the ass. Not that much would change xD We are definitely waiting a little while for kids so we'd still have the freedom to take more trips and have less worries until we are fully used to living together ^^
My 3DS Friend Code: 1091 - 8457 - 8212
~Goronyanya~
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Where the heck is someone supposed to find a thousand guests for their wedding? xD
And where would one stuff 'em for that matter. The logistics of it all is staggering to ponder.
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Where the heck is someone supposed to find a thousand guests for their wedding? xD
And where would one stuff 'em for that matter. The logistics of it all is staggering to ponder.
My brother's wedding had approximately 2000 guests and my oldest brother's wedding will have as much. I am not kidding that everyone knows everyone here dude! :'D
What you do is that you book at a hotel or a restaurant that charges you like 7-11 euro per head. Guests usually bring money in an envelope (some give empty envelopes which is considered rude - it's better not to give an envelope at all) for the couple's future. My brother and his wife got about 80 thousand euro in total from it. What happens is that the groom, the bride and their parents, stand under a special place set for them and the guests flock in, say their congrats, give the envelope, sit down, eat and leave. When they are closer to the family they usually stay for hours. The other close family members eat quickly then go around chatting and entertaining guests and thank them for attending. The groom and bride only sit down to eat after all the guests have finished coming in, after they cut the cake and after they opened the dancing floor with their first dance.The hotel/restaurant takes care to keep the drinks coming and the buffet full.
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We both met each other's families and both sides approve of the marriage and are very happy with the partner we chose actually! It was the fact that Zeph didn't ask my hand from my dad that made my dad angry but he cooled off after Zeph sent him a very nice message. If he was a different person, he could've said no to the marriage actually so it's neat my dad is chiller about stuff like this than the traditional Cypriot father.
What you are missing here is culture context. Because I come from a small island where everyone knows everyone and tradition is very important, having a big wedding is expected and people would actually hold grudges towards my family if they didn't get invited to a wedding with lots of food, drinks and dancing. Both sides share the invitations (from 500 to 1000 people usually each) and the parents are the ones who chose who to invite while the bride and the groom are allowed separately to invite a group of their friends. The invitations usually go out months before. I am definitely going to enjoy the wedding in the USA more because I won't have to stand for hours greeting people I possibly don't even know, who want to congratulate the groom and the bride. I swear it's more of a chore in Cyprus to have a wedding lol. The guests will definitely enjoy it more than the couple in Zeph's and I case because we are generally shy and very personal! XD
1000 guests!? Do they all have to bring wedding presents? Lol, it should be mandatory!
I do know a little something about a small island culture dynamic, though it might differ from your personal experience. My fiance is also from a small island, Jamaica, and family and tradition are pretty conservative down there. I knew from the start that I needed to talk with the parents first before proposing to my girlfriend (current fiance). Not because I wouldn't be able to marry her without their blessings because whether I got them or not we are still going to do the wedding, but because I know that if I hadn't asked it would just make things rather…difficult. Plus, I'm not gonna lie. I'm a traditionalist when it comes to these things, lol.
Anyway, I recieved the mom's blessing but never got a clear answer from the father. Understandable, he had never met me before and I was asking for his daughter's hand in marriage over a phone from hundreds of miles away (yeesh talk about awkward conversation). I flew down there to see my girlfriend but while I was there I also asked for the dad's blessings again, in person. I got an hour long speech on the Bible where I sat and smiled politely. To make a long story short he knew I was Muslim and this he had a problem with. Not the long distance relationship or not having met me before, but my religion. He didn't say it outright but it was kinda obvious. Later I found out from my fiance that he wasn't showing up to the wedding in protest. My future mother-in-law also had some worries about my religion in the begenning but my fiance assuaged those fears (plus my natural charm) and she has come to really like me.
My fiance's parents have been in the process of getting a divorce so it isn't like this is creating some new divide or anything. It just means half the family probably won't show up to the wedding (the dad's side) because I don't fit the niche they're used to, but that's ok. I did all the right things and I believe he'll come around eventually. Jamaican people can be so stubborn though! (I tell my fiance this all the time and she just nods her head knowingly) :/
Everything's Eventual…
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A hundred people is as far as i'll ever go. Anything beyond that is way too big for my taste.
Heck i don't think i even know a hundred people who i care enough about that i'd absolutely want their presence at my wedding.
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1000 guests!? Do they all have to bring wedding presents? Lol, it should be mandatory!
It's not mandatory per say, it's good manners to bring an envelope and if they don't usually they get the same treatment when they hold a wedding/baptizing (The best man and maid of honor, usually write the name of the person's family you got it from on top of the envelope just when they get it so the couple knows what they got from who)
I do know a little something about a small island culture dynamic, though it might differ from your personal experience. My fiance is also from a small island, Jamaica, and family and tradition are pretty conservative down there. I knew from the start that I needed to talk with the parents first before proposing to my girlfriend (current fiance). Not because I wouldn't be able to marry her without their blessings because whether I got them or not we are still going to do the wedding, but because I know that if I hadn't asked it would just make things rather…difficult. Plus, I'm not gonna lie. I'm a traditionalist when it comes to these things, lol.
Anyway, I recieved the mom's blessing but never got a clear answer from the father. Understandable, he had never met me before and I was asking for his daughter's hand in marriage over a phone from hundreds of miles away (yeesh talk about awkward conversation). I flew down there to see my girlfriend but while I was there I also asked for the dad's blessings again, in person. I got an hour long speech on the Bible where I sat and smiled politely. To make a long story short he knew I was Muslim and this he had a problem with. Not the long distance relationship or not having met me before, but my religion. He didn't say it outright but it was kinda obvious. Later I found out from my fiance that he wasn't showing up to the wedding in protest. My future mother-in-law also had some worries about my religion in the begenning but my fiance assuaged those fears (plus my natural charm) and she has come to really like me.
My fiance's parents have been in the process of getting a divorce so it isn't like this is creating some new divide or anything. It just means half the family probably won't show up to the wedding (the dad's side) because I don't fit the niche they're used to, but that's ok. I did all the right things and I believe he'll come around eventually. Jamaican people can be so stubborn though! (I tell my fiance this all the time and she just nods her head knowingly) :/
When the first grandchild comes along, her dad will soften up I am sure!
We are pretty relaxed on religion thankfully. The things my parents are particularly harsh on, are not related to beliefs. They do hate the fact that I am leaving but they are coming to terms with the idea and have stopped suggesting that Zeph moves here instead.My 3DS Friend Code: 1091 - 8457 - 8212
~Goronyanya~
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We are pretty relaxed on religion thankfully. The things my parents are particularly harsh on, are not related to beliefs. They do hate the fact that I am leaving but they are coming to terms with the idea and have stopped suggesting that Zeph moves here instead.
So in an alternative universe, where Zeph moved to you, would he then move in with your family?
Or are you supposed to move out and start your own family as soon as you are married.
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A hundred people is as far as i'll ever go. Anything beyond that is way too big for my taste.
Heck i don't think i even know a hundred people who i care enough about that i'd absolutely want their presence at my wedding.
The wedding in the US will be tiny definitely. Maybe even less than 100 people and most will be Zeph's family. I am glad they don't have a similar tradition with us. Two insanely populated weddings? No, thank you! :U
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So in an alternative universe, where Zeph moved to you, would he then move in with your family?
Or are you supposed to move out and start your own family as soon as you are married.
Either is acceptable. I am the oldest daughter so the house would normally go to me, but I don't want that and I've been pushing my parents to sell this place and get something smaller. As for children? Usually couples get their first kid soon after their wedding. I hope they won't find it weird I won't announce a pregnancy like 9 months after we get married lol
My 3DS Friend Code: 1091 - 8457 - 8212
~Goronyanya~
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@Monkey:
Maybe in Canada and the US it's about us lol.
Dunno how Trinidad is by comparison, but Cyprus is old fashioned as heck on these sorts of things.
We created minor earthquakes just by announcing engagement without consulting them first.Ahhhh man :( keep strong, you two! Wish I could give you guys concrete advice on how to handle that but my whole engagement / wedding process was pretty hard as well. The only thing that kept me going was prayer, late-night talks on the phone with my husband trying to keep each other encouraged, and LOTS of chocolate. We were long distance from each other at the time too so keeping in contact when going through hard times really helped. I guess one piece of advice I can give is both of you try your best not to show anger at each other over matters to do with the wedding. It is inevitable to get upset over things as stressful as this but having to deal with your significant other upset over something to do with the event that will tie you together really hurts deep down. If anything annoys you, take a break, and communicate later when you're able to be positive and look at the bright side of things. Oh, and surprise gifts helps, too :)
Trinidad weddings usually follow the tradition of the religious ceremonies of the bridge and groom, but all of them are very family centred and the wedding usually starts from the bride's home or ends up at the bride's home, sometimes the whole wedding is done in one of their backyards.
Best of luck to you guys :D
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As for children? Usually couples get their first kid soon after their wedding. I hope they won't find it weird I won't announce a pregnancy like 9 months after we get married lol
OMG tell me about it -_- since I got married, EVERY time I see my dad he's like "WHEEERE'S MYYY GRANDCHILDRENNNN D: YOU'RE GETTING OLDDDD"
uggggghhhhhh
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One year. That's how long we decided to wait after we get married before having kids. One year where just the two of us cue Will Smith song can enjoy each other's company, without having to change a single dirty diaper. I'll love my kids but I'll never love wiping their baby bottoms.
Anyone who says they enjoy that moment with them because every moment is precious, is either a liar or they've got some problems, maestro. BIG PROBLEMS! Poop being one of them.
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Babies are wriggly poo machines. I've been able to witness this a lot more since a lot of my friends from school and uni are now becoming new parents and I've visited a bunch of them. Baby M greeted me by vomiting on my arm and then trying to eat my hair. Not exactly cuteness XD but I forgave them. Of course, I have the thing where, barring medical miracles and a hell of a lot of money, I'll never have my own children - adoption is the only option at this stage. I know adoption is a wonderful thing and sorely needed, but I won't pretend it doesn't bum me out sometimes. Not that I was planning to have kids anytime soon while my living circumstances are so turbulent, but the 'never' is quite a weight. At least let it be a choice, y'know?
Anyhow, enough whining from me.
The huge wedding does sound extremely stressful…I hadn't really appreciated what it'd be like before, being so used to the kind of weddings we have in the UK, or the slightly more family-focused affairs over in Germany. No comparison to those thousand-guest extravaganzas. Glad you get to have a quieter ceremony as well - best of both worlds apply.
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Nah :U I'd drive the poor person insane and get sued for emotional abuse by the end of our cooperation xD
It's a bit unfortunate we couldn't have more time as a couple y'know? But fucking LD is a pain in the ass. Not that much would change xD We are definitely waiting a little while for kids so we'd still have the freedom to take more trips and have less worries until we are fully used to living together ^^
you should still look into planners haha, there has to be a few greek pros who specialize in this sort of thing ;)
im not knocking married life or anything, i'm sure it works great for a lot of people. ive been to like 10 different weddings in the past 5 years (not including wedding showers, baby showers, etc. The sorority is grown up and moving on fast haha) and they're fun enough. im sure i'll get hitched eventually idk its just not something i ever looked forward to ever.
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My fiance is also from a small island, Jamaica.
Still has over three times as many people as Cyprus though lol.
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The wedding in the US will be tiny definitely. Maybe even less than 100 people…
Your concept of what qualifies as small is just so completely out of alignment with my own that it's boggling.
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