@TheCrystalShip:
I don't really think that gender identity has a causative relationship with gender expression. For example, I'm definitely a girl, but I'm not the most feminine person in the world. And my best friend is a female-assigned genderqueer kid, but they're more of a twink than a butch. So, my criticisms do not imply that genderqueer does not exist, or is not a thing, but that certain sociological factors and intersections with other trans identities need to be seriously examined. I don't really want to get into it right now if that's okay.
Confession time: Although I'm definitely 100% a girl, in that I definitely 100% belong in a female body, and experienced extreme body dysphoria when I was still undergoing testosterone poisoning (and still have dysphoria spikes now and again)… Sometimes I feel like I'm something else, mentally. Not always, but sometimes, I feel more like a "kid" than a girl. Never a boy, because I will never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever be anything remotely resembling a boy or man (the very thought of it is disturbing to me). But just kind of a gender-neutral "kid", who happens to feel right at home in a female body. Of course, most of the time I feel like a girl mentally, and sometimes I feel like the cutest little baby gurl in the whole world, so I guess it's not that important. Just something that's interesting to me.
I totally agree with you here. And I feel that I am fine with who I am, but I am definitely a more masculine person. I kinda like staying on that side of things because it feels more like neutral territory but I don't want people to think that I am a man, or flip flop between male/female. I don't think the way someone choose to express themselves should be indicative of their gender identity unless they specifically state it.
What really annoys and confuses me are the people that say, lets say they are a trans man, but they continue to dress up as a female. They will wear dresses and look cute and feminine but YOU BETTER NOT CALL THEM A WOMAN because they're really male. That's… I mean how you dress shouldn't be that big of a deal, but that just seems confusing. Like you're just setting people up to attack them vehemently once they call you "she", even if they don't know your true identity. That seems really shitty.
And to clarify, that's entirely different from the people who will float between looking strictly male/female and prefer you not use any gendered pronouns. Or don't care what pronoun you use, because gender is not that big of a deal. I know some people think it's silly, but I can respect the hell out of gender neutral identity.
And @Meta: I think if you are ever in doubt about someone's identity: Play it safe and use gender neutral pronouns. Don't just assume. Some people are not very nice about it if you do, and personally I've seen it hurt someone when I accidentally blurted out ma'am instead of sir when I checked out a trans man once a few years ago. They were picking up testosterone too. Smooth, Arei >___> (It hadn't changed his voice yet). So now I don't just assume. There are very masculine women and very feminine gentleman who are very much cis, and assuming they are trans* or otherwise is extremely rude. Just play it safe and stay neutral when in doubt. My southern origins have me compelled to use sir/ma'am all the time, and I have to watch it at times.