I hear there's gold in the village.
That must explain the mob.
Confession Session - LOCK THIS THREAD
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I didn't realize you were keeping it a secret, Jay, but I guess that's my mind messing with me since you talked about it with me such a long time ago.
It's good to be open about things like this. It helps yourself. So it is good to speak freely.
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I'm proud of you, Jay
"Unicorns can't see into your heart. All our dumb horns can do is glow, point towards the nearest rainbow and play rave music!"
Visit my Etsy Shop: Heart'n'Skull or Tumblr
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So that's why your dresses keep abducting my cattle. You should have told me that they weren't keeping you hostage. Else I'd never attempt to rig lilly's presents to blow them up. Now I understand, and I understand fully. I'll hire the world's finest tailors to fix that injured dress in a flash!
Still… Why does these dresses like my cattle so much?
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Hey Jay.
I won't pretend for a second to understand how you feel or act like I can relate to you're situation, but I did want say one thing. One of my friends throughout school had a brother that was a few yeas older than us, and he did the whole hormone treatment, switching gender from boy-to-girl thing during our senior year. But what he did was move away to another state, do the treatment, and then broke the news to people. And at the time, it was really hard to accept. But I think the part that made it so hard for everyone (especially his family) to accept and wrap their heads around at the time was that he never even came out before he did it. I mean, there were some close friends of his that knew he liked to mess around with both genders and again, he had a handful of close friends that knew he was for all intents and purposes was bisexual, but like I said, he never officially "came out", and his family certainly had no idea about any of it I later found out. There was a lot of anger, confusion, and acceptance issues in the family and still to this day, along with the same among his friends because of that. So I won't try to tell you what to do, but I would seriously consider the way you go about all of it when it comes to how you deal with opening up to your friends and family. Don't make them take too many steps all at once like my friends' brother did. Be honest with your friends, family, and yourself as much as you can as you make these big steps in your life.. which ever path you chose, and however fast you decide to travel the path.
Sorry if this was jumbled or I repeated myself a lot, but I wanted to insert my 2 cents from first hand experience of a person who was a friend that had a tough time dealing because it was basically a ton of bricks being dropped on my head in the dead of night with little to no forewarning.
Anyways, good luck to you.. with everything. I'm sure you've already had your challenges and you're sure to face many more (it sounds like especially with your family). Just stay strong and true to yourself through it all.
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Well thanks Kitsune, now I feel homophobic for liking Lucci more then Bon Clay.
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hugs JayJay
You're really brave, dear. :) <3
Handsome man save me from the monsters.
Avatar credits to rcerione
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Am I the only one who doesn't know what Hiroy's talking about.
Dresses are planing to take over world. That's what's I'm talking about.
(actually, it's a tidbit from Jay's comic, but don't tell anyone else… I like everyone that doesn't know about it to be completely confused)
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Well thanks Kitsune, now I feel homophobic for liking Lucci more then Bon Clay.
Then you and I have some business to attend to.~
! Not really.
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Everybody in this thread is still awesome.
SORRY GUYS, you're still awesome. I don't know how else to break it to you.
tosses hands up in the air o_o
Sorry.
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Silence, you heartbreaker. :cwy:
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@bartholemew:
Whats your goals in life??
Don't really have any at the moment.
@I:
Aw Chocula. The trick is trying not to make things bigger than they are. We all have things about ourselves we want to change or improve. The only real reason to do so is that it makes you feel better about yourself. I have a whole lot of silliness to say about this, but in the end its a matter of just learning from your mistakes–we're all human and we all make them--just do your best to learn from them and move on, a better person.
Thank you, for the reply. I guess I'm gonna move out of this shitty little town soon (and go to another country) to gain new perspectives on everything.
@Jay
I seriously never would have guessed that. Then again, I haven't spend much time here lately. Anyway, I think it's awesome that you have more freedom to experiment and start a different life now. I wish I had good advice on the parents thing but I don't have much experience with this topic. I hope you can be happy living the way you want to live without being concerned about other people's reactions. -
I'mma proud of you Jay.
Also, you can have my pitchfork to stabby anyone who has a problem with ya. -
Also, Jay, about your familial situation, I know little of your specific circumstances, but I must say this:
The situation eerie described is a common occurrence in trans individuals and I have some experience counseling people in the fallout. The big thing is that if your family is as important to you as it seems, there won't be any way to hide it in the future. And I say in the future, because it most definitely sounds like, while you are weary and cautious, you would not stop your proactive advancement of your identity.
And I would also not recommend it. Because the misery and self-loathing that comes in place of pursuing ~your true self~ is not worth it solely to make your parents happy. Also keep in mind that your parents are not aware of an "alternative" to be happy about. Your parents are not happy about you being a supposed heterosexual male, they are simply happy with you being. They are presumably unaware of the actual existence of identities that do not conform to a sex dichotomy. You would be robbing them of nothing, really.
What you would really be presenting is the challenging alternative, which would present something to be unhappy about instead. It's an addition really, not a subtraction. In which case you have done all you need do. If you have told them, that is enough. From then on, really, you are as free to continue, or discontinue, as you will, as far as mediation and communicative understanding goes with your parents. I would recommend, by the way, to tell them about yourself in an environment with a third party. If you had a psychologist you were speaking to about this, it would be best if your parents joined in on a session with you. But it seems you do not have this kind of situation going.
Anyways. Time does play an effect. And this is only assuming your parents take it the wrong way. If you told your parents and did your best to explain, there is nothing left but time. Once you have told them, you have no bombs to drop in the future, as you undergo transitions. It may allow future transitions to also work more smoothly. No matter what, it will be a weight off your chest.
And now time for me to personally speak with some opinion side of things. Given I was presenting myself (successfully, i.e. how I felt about myself and how people saw me) as female from 12-16, I had the advantage of having more time to come to terms with myself and also be resolute in my determination to undergo transitioning eventually. I knew what I wanted, had thought through my decisions, and went through with them. I officially told my father I was transgendered and what my plans were not long ago, maybe a year now, and no matter what his response was, I was going through with it.
It was basically all on him, not me. And granted, I have terrible emotional anxiety about my father, left over from my experiences with my mother's cancer and death, but I still was strong. I had decided that, in the end, if he was going to be disapproving and actively a nuisance as far as my transitioning would go, I would have none of it and go the route of what your friend as eloquently called, "fuck your parents man." But my father's actual response was support, albeit confused support where he had no idea what was happening. But he begrudgingly said "okay" and did his best to wrap around it.
And it has absolutely not come up once since I have told him. Ever. So my fantasies of heroically martyring myself to the Trans Gods fell apart. But it also leaves me with nothing in my way as far as family goes. And I feel like this feeling of not being held down by "secrets" is one that you absolutely must go for, no matter what the response from your parents is, no matter how much it crushes you. Because remember, it's not about what they have to say. It's about letting them know that that's who you really are.
Especially if they're bigots, in which case you're sticking it to the man and saying "hey look at me, I'm real no matter how much you want to pretend I'm not."
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I actually didn't know O , o but dang.
You may borrow my torches and pitchforks if you wish for anyone who tries to ndestroy your happiness :|
I would give an opinion on what to do but I believe I'm terrible at giving advice, so I'll leave it to these pros ; u ;' -
yeah, can't really add to what's been said already.
good luck jay, here's hoping for the best possible outcome. -
I just realized today is national coming out day. That's…an odd and unintended coincidence.
In either case you all seriously rock. Thank you. :cwy:
! @Kitsune:
! > I already told you this, but the thing with AP is that nobody likes Lucci and everybody loves Bon Clay! Nobody's gonna chase you out with pitchforks, because I haven't seen any of themunless they brandish them behind my back :ninja:!In any case, this changes nobody's opinion of you, and frankly, you have the awesome as shit distinction of being able to be hot in two genders. :getlost:
I'm proud of you!
[qimg]http://www.morganchadwick.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/sports-pictures-james-oneal-go-girl.jpg?w=300[/qimg]
! Hahaha, that made me smile. Thanks Kitsune!
! @Holy:
! > I didn't realize you were keeping it a secret, Jay, but I guess that's my mind messing with me since you talked about it with me such a long time ago.It's good to be open about things like this. It helps yourself. So it is good to speak freely.
! Eh it's kind of been a secret but I've made jokes about my ambiguous gender and sexuality before, mostly because I think it's funny to keep people guessing and humor is just my way of dealing with things. Though this has been the first time I've just outright said I'm transgendered publicly. Otherwise I've just told a bunch of friends privately, yourself obviously included. Feels good to get it out of the way though.
! @Holy:
! > Also, Jay, about your familial situation, I know little of your specific circumstances, but I must say this:The situation eerie described is a common occurrence in trans individuals and I have some experience counseling people in the fallout. The big thing is that if your family is as important to you as it seems, there won't be any way to hide it in the future. And I say in the future, because it most definitely sounds like, while you are weary and cautious, you would not stop your proactive advancement of your identity.
And I would also not recommend it. Because the misery and self-loathing that comes in place of pursuing ~your true self~ is not worth it solely to make your parents happy. Also keep in mind that your parents are not aware of an "alternative" to be happy about. Your parents are not happy about you being a supposed heterosexual male, they are simply happy with you being. They are presumably unaware of the actual existence of identities that do not conform to a sex dichotomy. You would be robbing them of nothing, really.
What you would really be presenting is the challenging alternative, which would present something to be unhappy about instead. It's an addition really, not a subtraction. In which case you have done all you need do. If you have told them, that is enough. From then on, really, you are as free to continue, or discontinue, as you will, as far as mediation and communicative understanding goes with your parents. I would recommend, by the way, to tell them about yourself in an environment with a third party. If you had a psychologist you were speaking to about this, it would be best if your parents joined in on a session with you. But it seems you do not have this kind of situation going.
Anyways. Time does play an effect. And this is only assuming your parents take it the wrong way. If you told your parents and did your best to explain, there is nothing left but time. Once you have told them, you have no bombs to drop in the future, as you undergo transitions. It may allow future transitions to also work more smoothly. No matter what, it will be a weight off your chest.
And now time for me to personally speak with some opinion side of things. Given I was presenting myself (successfully, i.e. how I felt about myself and how people saw me) as female from 12-16, I had the advantage of having more time to come to terms with myself and also be resolute in my determination to undergo transitioning eventually. I knew what I wanted, had thought through my decisions, and went through with them. I officially told my father I was transgendered and what my plans were not long ago, maybe a year now, and no matter what his response was, I was going through with it.
It was basically all on him, not me. And granted, I have terrible emotional anxiety about my father, left over from my experiences with my mother's cancer and death, but I still was strong. I had decided that, in the end, if he was going to be disapproving and actively a nuisance as far as my transitioning would go, I would have none of it and go the route of what your friend as eloquently called, "fuck your parents man." But my father's actual response was support, albeit confused support where he had no idea what was happening. But he begrudgingly said "okay" and did his best to wrap around it.
And it has absolutely not come up once since I have told him. Ever. So my fantasies of heroically martyring myself to the Trans Gods fell apart. But it also leaves me with nothing in my way as far as family goes. And I feel like this feeling of not being held down by "secrets" is one that you absolutely must go for, no matter what the response from your parents is, no matter how much it crushes you. Because remember, it's not about what they have to say. It's about letting them know that that's who you really are.
Especially if they're bigots, in which case you're sticking it to the man and saying "hey look at me, I'm real no matter how much you want to pretend I'm not."
! I'm not sure when or how to tell my parents exactly.
! Well perhaps "parents" plural is the wrong term since my mother does already know. Though it is how she came to know why I'm not speaking to her, which is a shame because comparatively I think she'd take it the "best" since she's a social worker. I had a diary about 3 years ago. During one of the aforementioned times my mother searched my room she found it in a very hidden spot (I still don't know how or why she'd go out of her way to find it). She read it and did the whole "it's a phase you'll grow out of" thing, though she did promise not to tell my dad. I've had some serious issues talking or connecting to her on any sort of emotional level since then. She hasn't mentioned it since. I suppose she wants me to bring it up or she thinks it has gone away or something.
! Basically what I'm trying to make out of that ramble is the point that things are complicated (when aren't they?) when it comes to my family. As I briefly mentioned before even if I manage to make the hurdle of my immediate family, my extended family is an even bigger issue. They're even more "traditional" than my immediate family and I'm even more emotionally distant to the extended family. Yet I still feel as if I'd be disappointing them too. Guess that's the fault of having a very deep-rooted sense of shame being instilled into me.
! I'll eventually tell them all though, at the rate I've been progressing I wouldn't be surprised if it didn't happen within the next year and a half. I suppose I'm waiting for the right opportunity or the right words to come to mind.
! @Nami:
! > I'm proud of you, Jay
! Thanks hun!
! @Hiroy:
! > So that's why your dresses keep abducting my cattle. You should have told me that they weren't keeping you hostage. Else I'd never attempt to rig lilly's presents to blow them up. Now I understand, and I understand fully. I'll hire the world's finest tailors to fix that injured dress in a flash!Still… Why does these dresses like my cattle so much?
! I understand now. Don't worry about that attempt on my life. I walked it off.
! Besides the dress is going to be repaired. Soon. Cattle will fall.
! @eerie:
! > Hey Jay.I won't pretend for a second to understand how you feel or act like I can relate to you're situation, but I did want say one thing. One of my friends throughout school had a brother that was a few yeas older than us, and he did the whole hormone treatment, switching gender from boy-to-girl thing during our senior year. But what he did was move away to another state, do the treatment, and then broke the news to people. And at the time, it was really hard to accept. But I think the part that made it so hard for everyone (especially his family) to accept and wrap their heads around at the time was that he never even came out before he did it. I mean, there were some close friends of his that knew he liked to mess around with both genders and again, he had a handful of close friends that knew he was for all intents and purposes was bisexual, but like I said, he never officially "came out", and his family certainly had no idea about any of it I later found out. There was a lot of anger, confusion, and acceptance issues in the family and still to this day, along with the same among his friends because of that. So I won't try to tell you what to do, but I would seriously consider the way you go about all of it when it comes to how you deal with opening up to your friends and family. Don't make them take too many steps all at once like my friends' brother did. Be honest with your friends, family, and yourself as much as you can as you make these big steps in your life.. which ever path you chose, and however fast you decide to travel the path.
Sorry if this was jumbled or I repeated myself a lot, but I wanted to insert my 2 cents from first hand experience of a person who was a friend that had a tough time dealing because it was basically a ton of bricks being dropped on my head in the dead of night with little to no forewarning.
Anyways, good luck to you.. with everything. I'm sure you've already had your challenges and you're sure to face many more (it sounds like especially with your family). Just stay strong and true to yourself through it all.
! Hey eerie.
! That's more or less how I wanted it to go. My daydreaming fantasies were to wait until I was out of college and move out of state (ideally California) and do my business. Which I know isn't the best way of doing things since you're right, it would make my family take too many steps and likely just make things worse. Though a small blessing is I think I've told most of my friends. Though not all of them are cool with the idea of me transitioning into a woman, they all said they wouldn't stop me, and that's good enough for me. Soifwhen all hell breaks loose from my family I at least have my friends to fall back on.
! Thanks eerie.
! @trappedolphin:
! > hugs JayJayYou're really brave, dear. :) <3
! hugs
! Thank you. I don't think I'm that brave considering I've done basically nothing at all and probably still won't for awhile. But thank you anyways!
! @Chocula:
! > @Jay
I seriously never would have guessed that. Then again, I haven't spend much time here lately. Anyway, I think it's awesome that you have more freedom to experiment and start a different life now. I wish I had good advice on the parents thing but I don't have much experience with this topic. I hope you can be happy living the way you want to live without being concerned about other people's reactions.
! Thanks you don't really need to say any kind of advice. Just knowing there are people out there that are rooting for me is more than I could ask for.
! @Cuddles:
! > I'mma proud of you Jay.
Also, you can have my pitchfork to stabby anyone who has a problem with ya.
! Thanks Cuddles. :happy: Keep the pitchfork though, you never know when Dr. Frankenstein will create another modern prometheus. -
Yo Jay, wonderful to hear! I'm proud of you!
I wish you all the best in the coming confrontations, and you can always talk to me! -
Wait what, RPGJay… Are you seriously bringing SEXYBACK?!
But seriously.
Sorry to hear that you're afriad to tell your family, but even if you think they won't accept it you still want them in your life. That's very Admirable and understandable.I'm just curious, what type of life do you want to live? Do you want your own family? Maybe a career? What plans do you have for your life?
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Jay, I will be honest here, I feel kind of awkward after reading that.
But not because of you, it's just I never personaly knew someone who had to deal with something like that. You're still the same as before, it's just the mental image is a little odd for me to swallow.
But nevertheless, do what you want and don't bother what the others say.
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Yo Jay, wonderful to hear! I'm proud of you!
I wish you all the best in the coming confrontations, and you can always talk to me!Thanks Bart. :happy:
@Sonic:
Wait what, RPGJay… Are you seriously bringing SEXYBACK?!
[qimg]http://i689.photobucket.com/albums/vv255/i_got_da_swagg_flu/squidward.gif[/qimg]
But seriously.
Sorry to hear that you're afriad to tell your family, but even if you think they won't accept it you still want them in your life. That's very Admirable and understandable.I'm just curious, what type of life do you want to live? Do you want your own family? Maybe a career? What plans do you have for your life?
Hahaha, I will never get tired of that Squidward GIF. Thanks.
My ideal career would be a writer for a video game company, or if the stars align right, getting my stories published. Though realistically I am going to use my Psychology Major I'll obtain in 2 years and try to get some kind of counseling job until I can be hired as a writer. It's a very tenative and loose plan. But I guess at least people should be very accepting in the psychology field. But in any event I don't plan on living with my family, though I'd still like contact with them.
@No:
Jay, I will be honest here, I feel kind of awkward after reading that.
But not because of you, it's just I never personaly knew someone who had to deal with something like that. You're still the same as before, it's just the mental image is a little odd for me to swallow.
But nevertheless, do what you want and don't bother what the others say.
I don't blame you No Maam. Transgendered people are largely ignored members of society and, by our very nature, we like to stay somewhat invisible. Not to mention I know it's very difficult for a cissexual person (that is, people who are comfortable with their gender identity, aka a "normal person") to imagine what I would be going through. So I don't blame you that you don't have a positive mental image of it. Especially when a normal person says "transgender" or "transsexual" most people instantly think of whatever people they gathered on a Jerry Springer episode.
But thank you for your support nonetheless.
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[hide]It happened again…
[/corner of sorrows]and on another note, think I might be coming down with something :|
and I'm concerned because I keep going all dizzy when I tilt my head > A < keep thinking it's an inner ear ache but it keeps coming back ; A ; really worried, especially after that incident late May where I smacked my head and had to go to hospital…[/hide] -
I'm 16 and I haven't had a girlfriend yet.
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I'm 16 and I haven't had a girlfriend yet.
First of, that's not unusual at all. I know a lot of people who are way older and haven't had a serious relationship yet. It's not really a bad thing. Plus, if you're not incredible frustrated with it, there's no need to rush things. Teenage relationships are often pretty shallow and meaningless even if mainstream media makes it seem different.
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I'm a friend zone person. Romantic signals towards my fly over my head like a spec of sand in the wind. In other words, I'm very dense and will not realize it until that person is gone.
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Jay, you are very brave. I hope you find peace, with yourself and your family, sooner than later. Best of luck.
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Two things:
Jay, you're still awesome, and I hope things go well for you. second, why the hell am I seeing that weird gif a lot lately? It's getting a bit creepy.oh, and I guess a third thing is that I hate how I keep getting crushes on guys who have girlfriends. Every. Single. Time. hell, my two best friends were dating for over a freakin' year and I didn't even know. The fuck. apparently the majority of people didn't know either, so it's not like I was a complete ignoramus since they gave no outward sign of it at all. :P People always say it's not about how soon you start dating and it takes time… but I honestly don't expect to find that special someone, especially when I'm a such a shut-in and have nothing noteworthy about myself that would interest another guy. If I just keep living and moving through life, is that really going to result in anything? I hope there's an answer besides stalking. <___< Well, I suppose right now it's not my main priority since I'm currently stressed out and depressed with school, but sometimes I ponder about how love unfolds and if it'll ever happen to someone like me.
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Girlfriends are overrated. They nag and have sex with the guy who cleans the pool.
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Hey Jay, one last thing. Have you researched hormone treatments yet, or are you at that point where you'd want to? Because I start on anti-androgens and estrogen next week and I was really wondering if there are any trans organizations near you. I doubt there'd be a trans health clinic like in someplace like San Francisco, but do you know of any options? Like, a proper place to talk about possible futures and what you want for yourself.
I can look into this for you, actually.
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I have another confession to make…
Back in May 2009, when I was in 8th grade, I was a complete idiot with handling girls and told one of them (who had A.D.D) about a dream I had about her. It was sleeping in bed with her. I nearly got sued by her Psychologist parents. I also got a restraining order. Now in high school, I walk the halls with terror in my heart and avoid her at all costs, running for my life!
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@Holy:
Hey Jay, one last thing. Have you researched hormone treatments yet, or are you at that point where you'd want to? Because I start on anti-androgens and estrogen next week and I was really wondering if there are any trans organizations near you. I doubt there'd be a trans health clinic like in someplace like San Francisco, but do you know of any options? Like, a proper place to talk about possible futures and what you want for yourself.
I can look into this for you, actually.
I really haven't looked into my area if there were any places I could get hormone treatments. I'm fairly certain we do not have a trans health clinic considering I live in B.F.E., Michigan but hey I could be wrong. The closest thing I have to a place I can talk about what I want for myself is that my college campus has a LGBT resource center, which I've been to a few times but I haven't exacty told them anything about my predicament yet. Mostly due to a lack of time among other things.
I'd hate to impose, but could you look and see if there is anything in Allendale, MI? I would do it myself but I really don't know what to search for exactly.
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Jay is already more manly than any of us for being able to say that
and yeah you are still the jay we all knew and love so whatever man , keep being fabulous
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Hey Justin. I'm sorry but right here i must play the bad guy part.All i want from you is to take what i will write down into consideration.I will not say don't do it, Yet i will not encourage it. The final decision is and has always been yours.The main thing is that i implore you to THINK DEEP AND HARD about what you are going to do. This is not an easy job as in OH I Will transform myself into a woman. Lets get the hormones started. My life will be fine and dandy for the rest of my life. The process and the journey will take a lifetime.Who is this going to affect? Me, my family, my future spouse, my future kids, my career….. and onwards.You said your family are conservative, do you have a plan on telling them what you are going to do? Are you just going to avoid them for the rest of your life? You may not like them but they raised you and took care of you when you couldn't. You are majoring in psychology, do something!!!!!When you said i wore my first dress for the first time, that was a great feeling, it felt right. I know exactly how you felt. The week i left islam was the happiest i have felt in years, but now almost 7 months later, it is just a part of me. That great feeling of freedom and expression has faded, the adrenaline stopped, and now my relation with a lot of people has transformed, and no-body even knows about it.Do not do anything until it is planned out fully, and confident-ally. No vague plans, no pay-as-you-go plan, but i master plan. talk to a consultant, get professional advice. DO YOU HAVE A PLAN?? IF SO SHARE IT WITH US...... WE ARE HERE TO SUPPORT YOU, BUT I WILL NOT LET YOU DO SOMETHING SO STUPID WITHOUT BACKUP OR A FOUNDATION.
WHAT!!!
GO AWAY!!
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I'm 16 and I haven't had a girlfriend yet.
At least you'd have the guts to handle a relationship… right?
[hide]I feel like a jerk because, well… I got told by a guy in my class that he likes me, and he asked if there would be any chance of us going out at any time and this gutless bitch here went and said something along the lines of not being ready for a relationship.
I swear in the love world I'm just useless. I've been in one 'crush' relationship (where it was a crush and even though I did ask the guy out trying to be brave and all, things didn't go well because something happened to him when we hit year 8 and he never spoke to me again until I saw him again in college... then again he did't really speak at all, thus why he got the 'Mime' award at the prom) and one actual relationship (which lasted two months, but it felt so awkward I don't know why... plus he was a bullshitter D: and it turns out he was also a manwhore, because a week after I dumped him he went with another girl and then when she dumped him he got another girlfriend a few weeks or so later > A <)
what's worse is that my best friend from secondary (thankfully still in contact) keeps asking me for advice on things... and one of those things is to do with love and shiz because someone has caught her eye and whatnot, no idea how things are going now but I hope things are well because someone told him about her crush on him :| she wasn't happy about that at all.
anyways, she asks me for advice on that when I'm terrible about it, though I feel like an ass when I say 'go for it' and then when I attempt to ask her for advice she says the same thing back and I'm like 'nonono'...
No idea whether it's confidence issues or what... he's a nice guy, definitely, it's just me being an ass > A <[/hide] -
@bartholemew:
Hey Justin. I'm sorry but right here i must play the bad guy part.All i want from you is to take what i will write down into consideration.I will not say don't do it, Yet i will not encourage it. The final decision is and has always been yours.The main thing is that i implore you to THINK DEEP AND HARD about what you are going to do. This is not an easy job as in OH I Will transform myself into a woman. Lets get the hormones started. My life will be fine and dandy for the rest of my life. The process and the journey will take a lifetime.Who is this going to affect? Me, my family, my future spouse, my future kids, my career….. and onwards.You said your family are conservative, do you have a plan on telling them what you are going to do? Are you just going to avoid them for the rest of your life? You may not like them but they raised you and took care of you when you couldn't. You are majoring in psychology, do something!!!!!When you said i wore my first dress for the first time, that was a great feeling, it felt right. I know exactly how you felt. The week i left islam was the happiest i have felt in years, but now almost 7 months later, it is just a part of me. That great feeling of freedom and expression has faded, the adrenaline stopped, and now my relation with a lot of people has transformed, and no-body even knows about it.Do not do anything until it is planned out fully, and confident-ally. No vague plans, no pay-as-you-go plan, but i master plan. talk to a consultant, get professional advice. DO YOU HAVE A PLAN?? IF SO SHARE IT WITH US...... WE ARE HERE TO SUPPORT YOU, BUT I WILL NOT LET YOU DO SOMETHING SO STUPID WITHOUT BACKUP OR A FOUNDATION.
Are you seriously considering that Jay didn't thought that through? Have you even read his posts? I think he knows fine well what he's doing and wants to do.
And he doesn't have to listen to his parents because guess what. They are human too and make mistakes and if they can't handle his son to be a woman soon, then that's their fault for not being able to love THE PERSON Jay is. He shouldn't do what his parents think is right, but what he FEELS is best for him.
And his future change has nothing to do with not being grateful to his parents or shit like that. You're implying he should stay like he is just because it's easier for his parents and if he changes that would mean he would disrespect the effort his parents took while raising him. And that's just wrong. I'm sure he appreciates what his parents done in the past for him to raise him but that doesn't mean he has to show his gratitude by staying in an unhappy body.
In this case, I don't think it's on us to make Jay think things through as he already did this fine well and for many years now. He has made a decision.–----------------------------
To that relationship thingy. Remember guys, having a relationship isn't something you're good at from the get go, it's a learning progress. If you did a mistake, make it better next time by handling the next similar situation differently.
"Unicorns can't see into your heart. All our dumb horns can do is glow, point towards the nearest rainbow and play rave music!"
Visit my Etsy Shop: Heart'n'Skull or Tumblr
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Relax will ya?
At least you'd have the guts to handle a relationship… right?
[hide]I feel like a jerk because, well… I got told by a guy in my class that he likes me, and he asked if there would be any chance of us going out at any time and this gutless bitch here went and said something along the lines of not being ready for a relationship.
I swear in the love world I'm just useless. I've been in one 'crush' relationship (where it was a crush and even though I did ask the guy out trying to be brave and all, things didn't go well because something happened to him when we hit year 8 and he never spoke to me again until I saw him again in college... then again he did't really speak at all, thus why he got the 'Mime' award at the prom) and one actual relationship (which lasted two months, but it felt so awkward I don't know why... plus he was a bullshitter D: and it turns out he was also a manwhore, because a week after I dumped him he went with another girl and then when she dumped him he got another girlfriend a few weeks or so later > A <)
what's worse is that my best friend from secondary (thankfully still in contact) keeps asking me for advice on things... and one of those things is to do with love and shiz because someone has caught her eye and whatnot, no idea how things are going now but I hope things are well because someone told him about her crush on him :| she wasn't happy about that at all.
anyways, she asks me for advice on that when I'm terrible about it, though I feel like an ass when I say 'go for it' and then when I attempt to ask her for advice she says the same thing back and I'm like 'nonono'...
No idea whether it's confidence issues or what... he's a nice guy, definitely, it's just me being an ass > A <[/hide]We are all the "bad guy" at some point. Don't beat yourself up about it. When you say "confidence issues" do you mean to be in a relationship? Anyways if you don't feel for it you probably aren't missing out. :)
You should really vote for Kai.
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Are you seriously considering that Jay didn't thought that through? Have you even read his posts? I think he knows fine well what he's doing and wants to do.
Yes i am, so far all i have read is Yays emotions, and a vague plan to become a writer and finish his psychology major. Thats all well and dandy, but it is not proper. Justin is about to go through with one of the "big sins of a lifetime". I do not mean this religiosly but there are a things in the world that are looked down to an amazing extent. A full plan means a step 1, step 2, how am i going to appear in the world like this? Where will i go? What will happen then? change of all documentations…........ there are many things i have not heard a single whiff of planning over. I Know exactly how he feels for i am living this right now. @Nami:
And he doesn't have to listen to his parents because guess what. They are human too and make mistakes and if they can't handle his son to be a woman soon, then that's their fault for not being able to love THE PERSON Jay is. He shouldn't do what his parents think is right, but what he FEELS is best for him.
If only it was that easy, then i would not have to live my life in fear. As conservative parents who hates gays and transgender, if Jay shows Jays new self to them, what do you think is gonna happen? Jays has already said that jay loves them, and that jay is afraid they will dissown him. If Jay doesn't ever contact Jays parents again, again what do you think is gonna happen. Its a double edged blade but these situations is why a good plan is needed, professional advice is needed. @Nami:
And his future change has nothing to do with not being grateful to his parents or shit like that.
True. @Nami:
You're implying he should stay like he is just because it's easier for his parents and if he changes that would mean he would disrespect the effort his parents took while raising him. And that's just wrong. I'm sure he appreciates what his parents done in the past for him to raise him but that doesn't mean he has to show his gratitude by staying in an unhappy body.
I have not implied something like this, and i am living proof of this. My father is the most respected doctor in the country, the dean of medicine, and nephew to Adbu-Aljalil. Has lived in the U.K. for 20 years and is an etremely liberal man. Yet since i stopped praying with him and such our relationship has hit stone cold bottom, if i talk to him once a month or so….. is a miracle, AND WE LIVE IN THE SAME DAMN HOUSE, WORK IN THE SAME DAMN UNIVERSITY, AND I LIVE IN A TRIBAL BASED COUNTRY. @Nami:
In this case, I don't think it's on us to make Jay think things through as he already did this fine well and for many years now. He has made a decision.
The choice has always been Jays, it always will be, he is the only one who can decide what and when will anything happen. I want Jay to think this whole process through rigerously without the use of emotion in the middle.
WHAT!!!
GO AWAY!!
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Relax will ya?
We are all the "bad guy" at some point. Don't beat yourself up about it. When you say "confidence issues" do you mean to be in a relationship? Anyways if you don't feel for it you probably aren't missing out. :)
; u ; but I'm gonna have to face up to it eventually… there's a bit of a problem though.
My sexuality is all confused and shit. Seriously. I look at guys and girls with the same amount of admiration (except those who cake themselves in orangeness and call themselves golden and stuff like that... yargjhakjwhkhrjqrlqrhqwlkqrt) -
@bartholemew:
Yes i am, so far all i have read is Yays emotions, and a vague plan to become a writer and finish his psychology major. Thats all well and dandy, but it is not proper. Justin is about to go through with one of the "big sins of a lifetime". I do not mean this religiosly but there are a things in the world that are looked down to an amazing extent. A full plan means a step 1, step 2, how am i going to appear in the world like this? Where will i go? What will happen then? change of all documentations…........ there are many things i have not heard a single whiff of planning over. I Know exactly how he feels for i am living this right now.
He doesn't need to justify himself in front of you or ANYONE here. He doesn't need to explain to us his next steps.
And what does it matter if he already knows what he wants to become or not? This has NOTHING to do with his transgender. For what does he need a planned out life in front of his eyes if he's just changing his appearance. Should I plan out my whole life just because I dye my hair and get some tattoos? No, because who ever wouldn't want me just because I have some tattoos, doesn't deserve me and my skills.
What do you think why it took so long for Jay to openly talk about it here? Because he knows what he gets himself into and what he has to go through for that.If only it was that easy, then i would not have to live my life in fear. As conservative parents who hates gays and transgender, if Jay shows Jays new self to them, what do you think is gonna happen? Jays has already said that jay loves them, and that jay is afraid they will dissown him. If Jay doesn't ever contact Jays parents again, again what do you think is gonna happen. Its a double edged blade but these situations is why a good plan is needed, professional advice is needed.
And as I said already, if his parents don't love or respect or tolerate or whatever him anymore and stop talking to him or whatever, then that's a sacrifice he has to make and he knows that as well. That's another thing why he is afraid but that shouldn't stop him from finding himself. I just don't see why you think he hasn't thought this through. He talked to me, to Holy and to other members about it very often and I don't want to know the million times where he lied in bed and couldn't sleep because he thought so much about it. Of COURSE you think about something over and over when you're about to change your life.
I have not implied something like this, and i am living proof of this. My father is the most respected doctor in the country, the dean of medicine, and nephew to Adbu-Aljalil. Has lived in the U.K. for 20 years and is an etremely liberal man. Yet since i stopped praying with him and such our relationship has hit stone cold bottom, if i talk to him once a month or so….. is a miracle, AND WE LIVE IN THE SAME DAMN HOUSE, WORK IN THE SAME DAMN UNIVERSITY, AND I LIVE IN A TRIBAL BASED COUNTRY. The choice has always been Jays, it always will be, he is the only one who can decide what and when will anything happen. I want Jay to think this whole process through rigerously without the use of emotion in the middle.
He has thought it through. And all I say is that it's not on you or anyone here to tell him to think even more through it. It might be time for him to stop thinking and start moving and that's what he's doing.
"Unicorns can't see into your heart. All our dumb horns can do is glow, point towards the nearest rainbow and play rave music!"
Visit my Etsy Shop: Heart'n'Skull or Tumblr
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This post is deleted!
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You mean you all don't have your lives planned out by the minute? You monsters.
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I think Bar Kuma does have a point. My plans for life are tenative at best. I'm not looking for step-by-step instructions on how to proceed, but I certainly would benefit from having some sort of plan to get me out of this bind. So I do appreciate Bar Kuma being honest and upfront with that. :smille:
Perhaps the first action would be seeking some form of professional help? I'll look around and see if I can apply for some kind of counseling or therapy without my parents knowing. That could help me start putting together my life.
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Jay honey, I've met people twice your age who still don't have their life planned out. So don't worry about it :) Also sorry that this is late but I'm also proud of you, right now I guess I can honestly say I know how hard it can be to confess something like that.
It's clear you've been thinking about this a lot and for a long time so who can doubt it's what you want? As a christian, I don't think you're doing anything immoral or wrong and I hope you don't feel like that either. God made us the way we are, right? That's what I think :)
Find out what your next move is and good luck with your parents, if/when you decide to tell them. Just don't expect them to have any sort of reaction initally, this sort of thing needs to sink in I think. You're something of a role model, Jay. To me at least.
Just your average Sherlock/Eragon/Game of Thrones/One Piece/Harry Potter/Dr Who/Supernatural fan
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I can't really give much advice other people haven't already given, Jay, but I will say this: don't get stuck on what others think or what you believe they might think about this. It's your life and others have no rights to demand something that makes you feel regretful. Your family might not like it, but if you really are certain of your own feelings, you have to do whatever it takes to follow them. Other people will understand eventually unless they're horribly selfish and hypocritical. And not everybody might react to this as negatively as you fear. The people around you will learn how to handle the issue swiftly and their attitudes will change over time. When you let them know, do it subtly. Try to be careful with it, because you'll only get shocked responses from your family if you just suddenly drop the bombs and tell them to cope with it. Give them time to get familiar with the thought.
But as always when deciding on something big and irrevocable that will undoubtedly have serious consequences, you really have to be sure. I don't know the situation, really, so I'm not even trying to form a personal opinion on this matter, but don't do anything rash. If you think you're ready, start the process as soon as possible, but if you're the slightest bit doubtful, you still have time to think about everything. Sex change is a thing so big that you don't want to make any mistakes with it. :)
Do what your heart wishes. Male or female, you're still the same person we all have gotten to know and love. We're all backing you up here whatever happens.
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You mean you all don't have your lives planned out by the minute? You monsters.
I have everything im doing three months ahead of me and beyond planned to the finest detail. Its just the stuff between then and now i have to focus on.
For some reason my planning skills have jumped overboard the past few months.
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"Unicorns can't see into your heart. All our dumb horns can do is glow, point towards the nearest rainbow and play rave music!"
Visit my Etsy Shop: Heart'n'Skull or Tumblr
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Guys, I have a problem. I can't stop thinking about committing genocide
Give me enough duck sauce and i'll plough my way through china till they are considered an endangered species.
–- Update From New Post Merge ---
Girlfriends are overrated. They nag and have sex with the guy who cleans the pool.
If I owned a pool as a trade-off i think i could live with that.
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–-EDIT--- I'm just going to retract this for now. I think it's just me being worked up by a busy school week. Nothing to see here, folks.
