sasha-chan…..
….............
sasha-chan…..
….............
Yeah, I lost sight of my first boyfriend when I turned 9 and we moved to another part of berlin. Sad times.
I moved to the other side of the country too xD But now I'm back again and we added each other on facebook.
I confess that I like Blink 182.
A lot. Like favorite band a lot.
Have you considered therapy?
I know people who can get you from Blink 182 to Wipers in five months.
I just got back from my forklift job application today.
They said it would cost $65 to get a license, and that I would start training there.
I said I'd think on it and come back, but the truth was I'm sometimes almost deathly afraid of doing things on the spot, plus I don't want to spend more money than I should even when it might just be an investment.
God dammit.
This actually ties into my possibly budding love life, because I need money for gas and some food to see this woman who actually is concerned with my financial situation and doesn't want me seeing her without tanking my bank account just to see her (she actually is concerned, as she is giving me advice on where to look for jobs and all that).
Shit.
! * I have a sex related confession too. I'm a self-hating virgin. Why? Because for 18 years I've heard how impure sex before marriage is and OMGZ YOU HAVE SEX YOU DIE and it bothers me. Because I believe that it's pure bullshit. Sex if you do it right is pleasure and pleasure for me is what fuels life. Sure it's probably better with the love of your life or something but it's still pleasure. Not love. I'm not asexual or anything so I want it. This right here is the biggest inner-struggle I have. What little piece I've had was great but there is something in my head just screaming STOP and I tell it to go fuck itself in the backseat of a car but hey I'm still starved for sex.
My previous boyfriends were all so understanding, great guys, except not really understanding. They say it's okay and no pressure but I kinda want the pressure. I usually just push myself into the things I want even if my legs are shaking in the process however I usually know what I want. I push people away because I know I can't have the part of them that I want and it piss me off because I'm the thing that blocks it. Like people say it's a cultural thing, being middle eastern and shit and it's totally understandable but it shouldn't be and meanwhile in Turkey people are screwing around like rabbits. Fact.
I don't have expectations like a rainbow of joy and the meaning of life is gonna shoot through me or that I'll sit in the shower and scrub till I become raw from shame or anything but still… I'm horny dammit! I hate the fact that my mothers words have such a strong effect on me, and the fact that it comes from culture or something... maybe. Or maybe it's like a phobia for a first time ... Totally irrational and shit...
The turks here either wait till they get married, and awww look who's getting married at 18 :ninja:, or just do it or the third option get it in the ass. I don't want it up there when I have a perfectly functional hole right next to it. Pff... Bah. Why am I even comparing like that? I don't have much tolerance towards this kind of bullshit and I feel like the biggest hypocrite. Isn't there a monk or someone who can heal me from this sickness?!
! Oh btw I don't mean that saving one self isn't great. It is! And I wish I had the willpower to do that. Or maybe I do... Or not... I'm pretty effing confused here.
! * I have a sex related confession too. I'm a self-hating virgin. Why? Because for 18 years I've heard how impure sex before marriage is and OMGZ YOU HAVE SEX YOU DIE and it bothers me. Because I believe that it's pure bullshit. Sex if you do it right is pleasure and pleasure for me is what fuels life. Sure it's probably better with the love of your life or something but it's still pleasure. Not love. I'm not asexual or anything so I want it. This right here is the biggest inner-struggle I have. What little piece I've had was great but there is something in my head just screaming STOP and I tell it to go fuck itself in the backseat of a car but hey I'm still starved for sex.
My previous boyfriends were all so understanding, great guys, except not really understanding. They say it's okay and no pressure but I kinda want the pressure. I usually just push myself into the things I want even if my legs are shaking in the process however I usually know what I want. I push people away because I know I can't have the part of them that I want and it piss me off because I'm the thing that blocks it. Like people say it's a cultural thing, being middle eastern and shit and it's totally understandable but it shouldn't be and meanwhile in Turkey people are screwing around like rabbits. Fact.
I don't have expectations like a rainbow of joy and the meaning of life is gonna shoot through me or that I'll sit in the shower and scrub till I become raw from shame or anything but still… I'm horny dammit! I hate the fact that my mothers words have such a strong effect on me, and the fact that it comes from culture or something... maybe. Or maybe it's like a phobia for a first time ... Totally irrational and shit...
The turks here either wait till they get married, and awww look who's getting married at 18 :ninja:, or just do it or the third option get it in the ass. I don't want it up there when I have a perfectly functional hole right next to it. Pff... Bah. Why am I even comparing like that? I don't have much tolerance towards this kind of bullshit and I feel like the biggest hypocrite. Isn't there a monk or someone who can heal me from this sickness?!
! Oh btw I don't mean that saving one self isn't great. It is! And I wish I had the willpower to do that. Or maybe I do... Or not... I'm pretty effing confused here.
I love and laughed at this.
I think the best thing to do is follow your heart, and do whatever you feel that makes you happy, instead of listening to a bunch of dusty oldskool relics that probably did the complete opposite to what they are now preaching.
Your happiness should take priority with this kinda thing.
Side note: I'm a monk:ninja:
! * I have a sex related confession too. I'm a self-hating virgin. Why? Because for 18 years I've heard how impure sex before marriage is and OMGZ YOU HAVE SEX YOU DIE and it bothers me. Because I believe that it's pure bullshit. Sex if you do it right is pleasure and pleasure for me is what fuels life. Sure it's probably better with the love of your life or something but it's still pleasure. Not love. I'm not asexual or anything so I want it. This right here is the biggest inner-struggle I have. What little piece I've had was great but there is something in my head just screaming STOP and I tell it to go fuck itself in the backseat of a car but hey I'm still starved for sex.
My previous boyfriends were all so understanding, great guys, except not really understanding. They say it's okay and no pressure but I kinda want the pressure. I usually just push myself into the things I want even if my legs are shaking in the process however I usually know what I want. I push people away because I know I can't have the part of them that I want and it piss me off because I'm the thing that blocks it. Like people say it's a cultural thing, being middle eastern and shit and it's totally understandable but it shouldn't be and meanwhile in Turkey people are screwing around like rabbits. Fact.
I don't have expectations like a rainbow of joy and the meaning of life is gonna shoot through me or that I'll sit in the shower and scrub till I become raw from shame or anything but still… I'm horny dammit! I hate the fact that my mothers words have such a strong effect on me, and the fact that it comes from culture or something... maybe. Or maybe it's like a phobia for a first time ... Totally irrational and shit...
The turks here either wait till they get married, and awww look who's getting married at 18 :ninja:, or just do it or the third option get it in the ass. I don't want it up there when I have a perfectly functional hole right next to it. Pff... Bah. Why am I even comparing like that? I don't have much tolerance towards this kind of bullshit and I feel like the biggest hypocrite. Isn't there a monk or someone who can heal me from this sickness?!
! Oh btw I don't mean that saving one self isn't great. It is! And I wish I had the willpower to do that. Or maybe I do... Or not... I'm pretty effing confused here.
fuck I LOVE YOU how awesome is this
What is this I don't even.
! * i have a sex related confession too. I'm a self-hating virgin. Why? Because for 18 years i've heard how impure sex before marriage is and omgz you have sex you die and it bothers me. Because i believe that it's pure bullshit. Sex if you do it right is pleasure and pleasure for me is what fuels life. Sure it's probably better with the love of your life or something but it's still pleasure. Not love. I'm not asexual or anything so i want it. This right here is the biggest inner-struggle i have. What little piece i've had was great but there is something in my head just screaming stop and i tell it to go fuck itself in the backseat of a car but hey i'm still starved for sex.
My previous boyfriends were all so understanding, great guys, except not really understanding. They say it's okay and no pressure but i kinda want the pressure. I usually just push myself into the things i want even if my legs are shaking in the process however i usually know what i want. I push people away because i know i can't have the part of them that i want and it piss me off because i'm the thing that blocks it. Like people say it's a cultural thing, being middle eastern and shit and it's totally understandable but it shouldn't be and meanwhile in turkey people are screwing around like rabbits. Fact.
I don't have expectations like a rainbow of joy and the meaning of life is gonna shoot through me or that i'll sit in the shower and scrub till i become raw from shame or anything but still… I'm horny dammit! I hate the fact that my mothers words have such a strong effect on me, and the fact that it comes from culture or something... Maybe. Or maybe it's like a phobia for a first time ... Totally irrational and shit...
The turks here either wait till they get married, and awww look who's getting married at 18 :ninja:, or just do it or the third option get it in the ass. I don't want it up there when i have a perfectly functional hole right next to it. Pff... Bah. Why am i even comparing like that? I don't have much tolerance towards this kind of bullshit and i feel like the biggest hypocrite. Isn't there a monk or someone who can heal me from this sickness?!
! Oh btw i don't mean that saving one self isn't great. It is! And i wish i had the willpower to do that. Or maybe i do... Or not... I'm pretty effing confused here.
go get some, gurl, you can do it.
I love and laughed at this.
I don't approve at all, yo.
–-
Edit: Okay... Yeah I'LL DO IT! SOME DAY! head+desk Goodbye...
Now to watch No maam and TLS descend on her.
There's some missile bases with equipment that can solve all your problems.
You'll live.
–- Update From New Post Merge ---
Now to watch No maam and TLS descend on her.
Hahahahah ! TLS is more into fictional characters though,
I had my first girlfriend at 14. Or was it 13? It lasted a day because she made a complete 360 and changed after I confessed and everything. I don't know what it was but she suddenly picking fights with dudes that were messing with me, when I obviously played them no mind. Maybe she wanted me to stand up for myself or something, but I guess she didn't understand me at all. Hell, I still don't understand why she went all alter ego for my sakes. Oh well… Being young is weird like that.
I moved from NY too.
! * I have a sex related confession too. I'm a self-hating virgin. Why? Because for 18 years I've heard how impure sex before marriage is and OMGZ YOU HAVE SEX YOU DIE and it bothers me. Because I believe that it's pure bullshit. Sex if you do it right is pleasure and pleasure for me is what fuels life. Sure it's probably better with the love of your life or something but it's still pleasure. Not love. I'm not asexual or anything so I want it. This right here is the biggest inner-struggle I have. What little piece I've had was great but there is something in my head just screaming STOP and I tell it to go fuck itself in the backseat of a car but hey I'm still starved for sex.
My previous boyfriends were all so understanding, great guys, except not really understanding. They say it's okay and no pressure but I kinda want the pressure. I usually just push myself into the things I want even if my legs are shaking in the process however I usually know what I want. I push people away because I know I can't have the part of them that I want and it piss me off because I'm the thing that blocks it. Like people say it's a cultural thing, being middle eastern and shit and it's totally understandable but it shouldn't be and meanwhile in Turkey people are screwing around like rabbits. Fact.
I don't have expectations like a rainbow of joy and the meaning of life is gonna shoot through me or that I'll sit in the shower and scrub till I become raw from shame or anything but still… I'm horny dammit! I hate the fact that my mothers words have such a strong effect on me, and the fact that it comes from culture or something... maybe. Or maybe it's like a phobia for a first time ... Totally irrational and shit...
The turks here either wait till they get married, and awww look who's getting married at 18 :ninja:, or just do it or the third option get it in the ass. I don't want it up there when I have a perfectly functional hole right next to it. Pff... Bah. Why am I even comparing like that? I don't have much tolerance towards this kind of bullshit and I feel like the biggest hypocrite. Isn't there a monk or someone who can heal me from this sickness?!
! Oh btw I don't mean that saving one self isn't great. It is! And I wish I had the willpower to do that. Or maybe I do... Or not... I'm pretty effing confused here.
Sounds like me, except I don't have the excuse of being religiously, culturally or famililialy pressured on being SAVE IT FOR GODS MARRIAGE, so I don't really know what's up. Like I managed to do this to my psyche all my own even though I even think it's stupid and can and have argued against it very eloquently before.
The chance has walked up to me consistently and constantly since 13 without me even having to do any looking, and yet…every pitch my way, even the easy underhand shots, I just stand there with the bat in my hand and don't swing.
Leaving a long string of confused girls who probably thought I didn't have any interest in them when often this was far from the case, and a long string of things I increasingly look back on with huge regret both sexually and especially romantically.
At least you're struggling against readily recognizable external forces. Bizarre internal ones are much harder.
@Monkey:
Sounds like me, except I don't have the excuse of being religiously, culturally or famililialy pressured on being SAVE IT FOR GODS MARRIAGE, so I don't really know what's up. Like I managed to do this to my psyche all my own even though I even think it's stupid and can and have argued against it very eloquently before.
The chance has walked up to me consistently and constantly since 13 without me even having to do any looking, and yet…every pitch my way, even the easy underhand shots, I just stand there with the bat in my hand and don't swing.
Leaving a long string of confused girls who probably thought I didn't have any interest in them when often this was far from the case, and a long string of things I increasingly look back on with huge regret both sexually and especially romantically.At least you're struggling against readily recognizable external forces. Bizarre internal ones are much harder.
I had more or less the same experience as you. I had many opportunites but I did nothing.
Maybe because I don't feel mature and strong enough. I want to progress. I want to find a good job and be a respectable person. More importantly, you have to be able to take care of the ones you love. I don't feel like treating women like objects.
I don't think its bad to have self control and being responsible. I remember that one of my friend's parents got divorced because her dad had many affairs. She was really pissed at him (who wouldn't) because she really was happy with her family. She told me that she has a hard time to believe in something uncertain as love or even parents. Her dad had everything to be happy (great job, brillant beautiful daughters and a nice wife) and he ruins everything because he wants to be "free".
@Kagexp
Are yoy saying that Turkey is cool with boys under 18 having relationships ?
I had so many opportunities, but never realized these moments were opportunities until I think about it the next day. I'm just a little slow, that's all. Signals almost never register.
I hate vague signals.
@MK: Maybe your internal thing might be a footprint of the anxiety stuff?
I've only had 6 women take an obvious interest with me. 2 just wanted to fuck me over (not in the good way), one went AlmostLegendary insane (I'm glad I never took any chances with her) and only this latest one seems to be going right.
For as long as I could remember I was almost dogmatic in dying a virgin. I actually had more than a dozen reasons, but I could not (or did not want to) remember any of them, and thus I pushed away a lot of talk of romance and relationships and such, because I simultaneously was above and beneath love and romance.
Whatever my reasons were, I immediately cast them aside as the stupid, tumor like excuses they were when my lifestyle led to its inevitable conclusion, and while I am better off than I was before I still bemoan all my wasted time that might just forever stunt me into a strange, strange man.
EDIT: Oh, and since I talked about it here, I manned up and left a message for that forklift place asking about what I can expect if I bother to take their course and get a license. A bulletin board was in their office with ads calling for drivers for various places, which I've never seen before actually.
Let´s see, Let´s see:
-I used to steal books from my last job, a sort of a cultural association directed by a famous writer in my country. It was a very small place but there were like ten thousand books. Some of them were never opened so i took them home with me. Others were very good books and rare finds. I don´t really feel bad, i gave them a new home. The writer was mistreating me at the end (because of a essay i wrote for him but that´s another history) so there´s that too. :ninja:
-There´s was this one girl i really liked. She was bisexual but she tended to go more toward girls. The funny thing was that she had a massive crush on another girl that,ironically, had a crush on me. So i thought "hey, i´m going to be a samaritan and have a threesome with them so all our wishes are fulfilled" :ninja: The thing was that i didn´t tell a thing to them when i set on my quest to do it.
oh,my god. There was so much drama for a year (seriously, movie quality). Including drunk spooning, almost getting it on front of an old lady in a bus, almost getting it on behind a theater curtain while there was a congress in progress (lol,rhyme) in the theater , jealousy, among other crazy antics. I was so close but then the bisexual girl and me had a gigantic fight and to this day she´s dead to me. But fun times, fun times. I was almost destroyed psychologically but fun times nevertheless. Oh, and at the time both of them had boyfriends, so there´s that too.
@Cuddles:
one went AlmostLegendary insane
No one should go through that.
My condolences.
Ok Well you all are free to think whatever you want about sex, lol. If you wish to put me in the category Smudge so eloquently labeled "a bunch of dusty oldskool relics," you are entitled to do that too–I am old. Never denied that.
But if you want to hear from somone with some experience... I've been married 21 years as of last January, and we have 2 kids. Needless to say, I'm no virgin. ;-) So here's my take--You'll either know sooner or later or already do, that its a thing that, like other things, gets better or worse depending on the day, your mood, your partner's mood, the white noise in the back of your head and how much of a distraction you let it be, etc etc etc., and that this remains true no matter how long or short a time you've been together. Sex is a thing as much in your head as not. Its also a matter of making choices, becoming comfortable with your body, your needs, your desires, and open to those same things from your partner. IMHE It usually takes some time to get to a good comfortable place with all that, but that could just be me. IMHO, there really is no need to rush things, (unless you simply cannot wait due to... what comes naturally, lol) because, since it is dependent a lot on what is in your head, the better you feel about the other parts of your relationship the better the sex will be when it comes.
As for love lasting--It sounds trite, but I have lived it and I have come to the belief that Love is a daily decision. We've had our ups and downs, and have almost split a few times, as most couples do, I imagine, but I have never been happier or more in love than I am now. Jus' saying. Love may not be what you think, in the end, but its not all what you guys are writing either, ime.
I always made sure to girls who seemed to have interest in me that I had no interest in them.
It's really hilarious now that I think about it.
No one should go through that.
My condolences.
Yeah, and it seemed to be out of left field too.
She bought into the whole 'Obama is communist' hype and called me closed-minded for saying not to trust Fox News.
She also left her church because there was a Spanish speaking service.
I'm glad she was never that bad when I knew her in person. It was only after she left that her insanity was more accessible.
@I:
Ok Well you all are free to think whatever you want about sex, lol. If you wish to put me in the category Smudge so eloquently labeled "a bunch of dusty oldskool relics," you are entitled to do that too–I am old. Never denied that.
But if you want to hear from somone with some experience... I've been married 21 years as of last January, and we have 2 kids. Needless to say, I'm no virgin. ;-) So here's my take--You'll either know sooner or later or already do, that its a thing that, like other things, gets better or worse depending on the day, your mood, your partner's mood, the white noise in the back of your head and how much of a distraction you let it be, etc etc etc., and that this remains true no matter how long or short a time you've been together. Sex is a thing as much in your head as not. Its also a matter of making choices, becoming comfortable with your body, your needs, your desires, and open to those same things from your partner. IMHE It usually takes some time to get to a good comfortable place with all that, but that could just be me. IMHO, there really is no need to rush things, (unless you simply cannot wait due to... what comes naturally, lol) because, since it is dependent a lot on what is in your head, the better you feel about the other parts of your relationship the better the sex will be when it comes.
As for love lasting--It sounds trite, but I have lived it and I have come to the belief that Love is a daily decision. We've had our ups and downs, and have almost split a few times, as most couples do, I imagine, but I have never been happier or more in love than I am now. Jus' saying. Love may not be what you think, in the end, but its not all what you guys are writing either, ime.
Good to hear advice from one who's been there a lot more than others.
What do Fox News demographic types have against Spanish lol. I deal with tons of people I have hard time communicating with because they speak mostly Spanish at my job, you just deal with it. It's really not a fucking problem anymore than any old thing you deal with as a cashier.
What the hell's the issue with these morons freaking out about it? That Spanish will become a standard American language?
I can't count how many times a family will come to be rang up and the parents can't speak a word of english, than this little eight year old peeks out from under their arm and dictates the entire transaction with me in perfect American English lol.
Working at McDonald's definitely taught me that lesson.
The worst that's happened is that I needed a translator where there was no one around, so I made due.
Hell, my work place is next to the same freeway that goes to our airport, so we also got some Chinese, Japanese and…..'European' (I don't know what they were), languages no one knew, and still everyone managed somehow (unless it was a special order, then it became frustrating for both parties I admit.)
Heck, even the Brits brought their own temporarily confusing way of speaking (ordering chips instead of fries, so it always took a few seconds to make the connection) and I had the honor of showing a bunch of Australian teens what our X-Large cups were like. They were astounded and kind of intimidated by the size.
The worst problem I ever had with Spanish was a co-worker that I couldn't communicate with, and even then it's just how the ball bounces.
Side note: I'm a monk:ninja:
I would agree to Buster.
The biggest issues I have with sex is overcoming my own fear of showing my body to someone. I really don't like my body, not only because of weight but of.. other ugly things :ninja:
And I'm a horny motherfucker, so I'm just waiting for the day where my horniness is kind of bigger than my fear of showing my body…. Or something.
In my teens it was also that special part about my past that made me not wanting sex. I thought (and sometimes still think) that I might get... you know, flashbacks if I'm ready to do it. And there are some things I'm just happy I can't remember well. I had this fear that sex will always be something that I can't have because of the things I had to go through as a little girl. But I think I kind of overcame this fear. It took me many years but I think that I am kind of ready to.. you know, live like a normal human being and have sex, lol.
I've decided that my future happiness shouldn't be destroyed by my past because I can't change the past but I can make the best of what's coming up in the future.
I've decided that my future happiness shouldn't be destroyed by my past because I can't change the past but I can make the best of what's coming up in the future.
This is an extremely beautiful post, I cannot describe to you how much it warms my heart. One can only wish more people in the world had this maturity.
(also, I like how this comment came from someone with the screen name Nami :D)
you don't need to be uber mature to have sex! you don't need to have a good job to have sex! you don't need to think you deserve sex, because you do! if it's your first time, sure, you shouldn't rush into it, and it should be with someone you respect and won't regret as your first time later on (I know I sorta frown upon my first time - I should have waited literally a month when I met the girl who ended up being my 2nd), but jesus christ, don't over think and analyze what's going on.
and just as a side note (doesn't directly relate to this), which I like to say, is that I'll fuck a virgin - but I'd never marry one (but that's me and I'm not religious). at this age, I probably wouldn't date one, either (I'm in my early 20's). virgins are virgins and there are benefits to them, but a girl needs to have a little experience and not all from me before I'm gonna put a ring on their finger, because they better be able to satisfy me.
@THE:
I always made sure to girls who seemed to have interest in me that I had no interest in them.
It's really hilarious now that I think about it.
god you are miserable
–- Update From New Post Merge ---
@Nami - there's definitely a risk of having what you're referring as "flashbacks". My most recent ex-gf and I would get rough sometimes and smack each other (not in anger or anything. definitely in fun.) but there was one time I smacked her and threw her down a little too rough (in reality, it wasn't rough. just a bit rougher than we did normally. sorry, I was horny, lol) and she immediately started bauling because she had been abused sexually as a child. it just triggered all of that for her - that one little thing. but the more you push through it and ignore it, the better and more confident you'll start to feel. there'll be less chance of that happening because that insecurity and doubt will continue to dwindle as you get used to sex and being in control - where in the past you may have not felt in control.
@THE:
I always made sure to girls who seemed to have interest in me that I had no interest in them.
It's really hilarious now that I think about it.
That's mean and dumb.
Why would you do that?
When I still was in high school, whenever my parent saw me with a girl, they always told me: "Who is that girl? You must not have a relationship now. Concentrate on your study." There was this one time I only gave a ride to a random girl and they already warned me about it. Even when I went to college, they still didn't want me to have girlfriend.
The apartment owner is worse. He doesn't even allow any girl to enter my room.
Nothing changed since then.
Apparently I had told you about my 27 years old sister who made a huge fuss all over me drawing a naked girl when I was already 18. She took the picture and ran into my parents and reported it as if I just killed a man.
"Concentrate on your study."
I know they are too old-fashioned. I am not afraid of going against their orders. Not anymore. But under such a strict education since birth, I seem to have developed a mindset to think about my career before anything else. It's not random reason that I become the kind of man I am today.
Still, for now I am happy with myself, and will find a partner when I feel I need to.
I had a sex before
@THE:
When I still was in high school, whenever my parent saw me with a girl, they always told me: "Who is that girl? You must not have a relationship now. Concentrate on your study." There was this one time I only gave a ride to a random girl and they already warned me about it. Even when I went to college, they still didn't want me to have girlfriend.
The apartment owner is worse. He doesn't even allow any girl to enter my room.
Nothing changed since then.
Apparently I had told you about my 27 years old sister who made a huge fuss all over me drawing a naked girl when I was already 18. She took the picture and ran into my parents and reported it as if I just killed a man.
"Concentrate on your study."
I know they are too old-fashioned. I am not afraid of going against their orders. Not anymore. But under such a strict education since birth, I seem to have developed a mindset to think about my career before anything else. It's not random reason that I become the kind of man I am today.
Still, for now I am happy with myself, and will find a partner when I feel I need to.
SEA??? Why not AYE???
@Monkey:
SEA??? Why not AYE???
I will do next time.
–------------------------
This sister I mentioned, she just got married this year. I didn’t go to her wedding.
My parents always want me to be something they can be proud of, and constantly compare me with other families' children, and rant about how successful they are. Yet my parents themselves never gave enough time to care about their children. Too busy with their work.
When I was 2 years old they asked another family to take care of me until I went to elementary school. That was, I think, the happiest part of my childhood. I developed so dear a relationship with that family and loved them more than I ever did my real parents, to the point when they came to take me back home, I tried to hide and refused to go with them. My foster parents had children who has all grown up and worked at distant places, so they were lonely and needed a child, just as I needed parental love. When I left them, I basically left my only mental support. There was no kid of my age in the neighborhood, and my school is too far away, so my childhood was a childhood without friend.
My little brother who was 2 years younger than me (23 months to be exact, he is only one class behind), unfortunately, could never share my interest. He is, I think, a girl inside a boy’s body. He loved dressing as a girl, he walked and talked liked one, liked shoujo manga over shounen and still has a teddy bear in his room. But everyone surrounding him could never understand and forced him to behave like a “normal” boy. In this society he would forever be mocked for it. And I didn’t help. Just as close-minded as any, I even joined in mocking him. Terrible brother I was. We used to have a much closer relationship when we was little, but I just got more and more distant from him. If not for international environment like this forum, I would have still been viewing him the way I did.
My father was a harsh man. I often got whipped for my mistakes when I was young, which was seen as normal in my country. It was until I grew big and strong enough that he stopped doing so. I feared him as I did a tiger (I often joke about it like that, because he was born in tiger year). Too scared to go against him. Yet I never earned his approval with whatever result I got at school (I can claim I was an excellent student). I still don’t, as of now. But I wanted to earn it, which is why I closed my circle even more. It was so uncomfortable back then, when most of my adolescence was trying to meet others’ expectation.
And my nature didn’t help. I was kid of weird interest. No kid of my age would buy a copy of I Ching. And Stephen Hawking’s A Brief History of Time? Come on…
It was when I showed strong signs of disobedience that my parents started to care more about what I think. But they were still too busy. And worse, I tried to deny that I needed their care, and developed into a haughty creature. I closed my heart from them even more, yet I still sought out for parental love to replace them.
Looking back, it was so absurd I just wanted to laugh it off.
I need to fix this relationship with my family somehow someday.
I am going home.
What have I done!?
I've decided that my future happiness shouldn't be destroyed by my past because I can't change the past but I can make the best of what's coming up in the future.
Awww babe this made me smile. I just hope I don't send you batshit insane.
[I can't quite put into words how I feel, but I'm always here to listen, and will be as patient and understanding as possible with you….even when we do have our angry moments.
X](http://www.moonprincess.com/galleries/data/media/23/Darien_Y_Serena.jpg)
@THE:
When I was 2 years old they asked another family to take care of me until I went to elementary school.
Is that… common in Vietnam? To pawn your children off on other families for the sake of convenience, only to take them back YEARS later when you decide it's time?
Is that… common in Vietnam?
I don't think so. My parents own a personal oriental medical clinic and they receive patients…basically any time. 6 AM to 10 PM is normal. I am perhaps a bit special of case. At least that was in my town. I know people far busier in big cities and situations like that are not unheard of. In fact I have read that many young couples do the same but I wouldn't call it a custom or something.
One of the reason Hojo Tsukasa's Angel Heart resonated with me.
--- Update From New Post Merge ---
@ Femme: Thanks.:) I don't think my life is rough though, compared to many.
I don't really know how to respond to that, but it sounds to me like you're his rebound, honestly. So maybe it was the right thing to turn him down, but I don't know. :unsure: I'm the last person you want relationship advice from.
Just wanna get this off my chest. I was interested in a guy about a year back, but i'm not very assertive in showing my interest, so while talking back and forth with him, I waited to see if he'd say he was interested in me. He never did so I let it go, only to see a few weeks later he got into a serious relationship with another girl.
I was kinda angry at first but soon enough came to be happy for him, and even got to know the girl as well and make friends with her. She was great, so I was happy for both of them. I let that friendship diminish since it wasn't my place having such a close relationship with someone who is so deeply committed to someone else.
It's been over a year since then, and in the past few weeks he started talking to me again. I was kinda surprised and kept conversation to a minimum since I knew he was taken, but then soon found out that they had broken up. A mutual friend of ours then told me that he had asked her if I was available and looking for a relationship, but she cautioned me not to get involved with him, and she told him that I wasn't interested in a relationship without telling me. This was all news to me.
She told me that he wasn't who I thought he was, and he has too many issues to work on before getting into a relationship, saying that he was even a bit of a stalker and creepy. Naturally, I couldn't believe this since I had got to know him a certain way. He was upset and sent me private messages asking why I wasn't interested in him and if there were any qualities he possessed that he could work on, seeing that I wasn't. I had no idea what to say because up until then I thought he was all cool. But I trusted our mutual friend because she knew him much better than I did.
She kept telling me that we'd get together so she could tell me all the details but it's been.. almost 3 weeks since then. She has kids and lives far away, so we can never get together. I don't know what to think, I feel sad about the loss of this guy, since it seemed we had so much in common and we got along so well, but at the same time i'm thinking that maybe I should be thankful for not getting tied up in a difficult situation?
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pats Indeed. The best attitude is to always look to someone who has less than you. Sometimes I get whiny and forget that.
I'd say it's best not to worry too much about it, since it will just stress you. Maybe once your friend lets you know whatever the problem is you can assess the situation better knowing all the information. Plus, if both of you really have a strong connection that will remain there even if time goes by.
And if he does move on to someone else while you wait on your friend, then that may mean that he's just looking for a relationship for the sake of a relationship, and not really looking for you.
Another usual hint for me is that someone being desperate to get in a relationship is a bad omen, since when someone does care for you they're ok with things moving at a natural pace without the issue being forced. There should never be a rush when it comes to this.
This is an extremely beautiful post, I cannot describe to you how much it warms my heart. One can only wish more people in the world had this maturity.
Aww, thank you :)
Yeah, I wish more people would overcome their past and would look forward instead of back. But I guess it's normal. I mean, I myself was a very depressed and self destroying teen.
But I think it's just really important that you realize one day, that what's behind you, actually IS behind you and there is no reason to dwell over it. If you always let your past ruin your present, you will always stand in the same place. If you always use your past as an excuse for everything you do, you will never grow as a person.
(also, I like how this comment came from someone with the screen name Nami :D)
Huh, what? xD
I think Nami is very mature as well. Just look at what she said to Jinbe about Arlong and her past :P She also says that what is in the past is in the past and is no reason to hate everything and everybody.
"So please don't apologise for the life I had. It's not like I lost it, right? Things are great now." <3
@Nami - there's definitely a risk of having what you're referring as "flashbacks". My most recent ex-gf and I would get rough sometimes and smack each other (not in anger or anything. definitely in fun.) but there was one time I smacked her and threw her down a little too rough (in reality, it wasn't rough. just a bit rougher than we did normally. sorry, I was horny, lol) and she immediately started bauling because she had been abused sexually as a child. it just triggered all of that for her - that one little thing. but the more you push through it and ignore it, the better and more confident you'll start to feel. there'll be less chance of that happening because that insecurity and doubt will continue to dwindle as you get used to sex and being in control - where in the past you may have not felt in control.
Yeah, I know that the chance is there. But it won't help me if I overthink the ifs and whens. So I try to stay as positive as possible and just enjoy the moment as best as I can. Because I know that my bf doesn't mean any harm to me and that the things we'll do, we'll do out of love (and horniness :ninja:). It's not like back then were I actually didn't know what went on and what happened to me. I'm not the dumb little girl who just lets bad things happen to her without even trying to defend herself.
And if I get flashbacks, I know that my boy will be there for me and comfort me as best as possible. I basically have nothing to fear because I know how much I mean to him and how much he means to me.
/cheesy bla bla, lol
@THE:
Still, for now I am happy with myself, and will find a partner when I feel I need to.
And that's where you're wrong. It's not like you can choose when and who to love. It just happens. It's a natural thing. And if you take refuge because the timing isn't right or whatever, you will never be happy or find happiness.
You can't go around and say "Hey, now I finished my studies, I published a comic… well, time to get a girlfriend!"
Love always comes unexpected and at the most ridiculous and wrongest time possible.
What have I done!?
You know exactly what you did :getlost:
Awww babe this made me smile. I just hope I don't send you batshit insane.
[I can't quite put into words how I feel, but I'm always here to listen, and will be as patient and understanding as possible with you….even when we do have our angry moments.
X](http://www.moonprincess.com/galleries/data/media/23/Darien_Y_Serena.jpg)
… BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA falls off the couch
I love you
(you should perhaps know, that I hate Mamoru and like my Usagi best with Seiya :ninja: :wub:)
And our angry moments are the best :P throws pillow at you
Is that… common in Vietnam? To pawn your children off on other families for the sake of convenience, only to take them back YEARS later when you decide it's time?
I don't live in Vietnam but my mother kind of did the same.
When my brother was 3years old and I was just born, she was alone, almost freshly divorced from my maker. She didn't had the time, money and patience to deal with both of her own children and her foster parents offered her, to take my brother with them. She accepted (even so she hated her foster parents, WTF how can you then give them your own blood and give your daughter as a second name the name of your foster mum?! Something I'll never understand. But whatever, that's my dumb mother.) and she always planned to get him back and she had many opportunities. But in the end he never came back to us. One time when I was 14 we were close of getting him back. We finally had a big flat, we arranged a room and furniture for him. But it was too late. He was too old and didn't want to move away from his friends and from the people who raised him and did a great job at that.
So what does that tell us? Desperate times will lead you into desperate and stupid decisions.
NEVER give your own blood away, you will hate yourself, will be hated and disrespected by your children and regret it your whole life.
/rant end.
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Sounds like a complicated situation. Here's my advise. Follow your heart.
Listen to what your friend has to say about him but don't let this lead you to think of him in a bad way. Never forget, there are always two sides. So if the stuff she has to tell you actually is really bad, ask him about that stuff. Ask him about his side of the story. And if you think then that he really just wants a relationship for relationship's sake, you know it's best to keep away from him.
But if you have interest in him, don't let others choose for you what to do. Trust your instincts. You can listen to your friend of course but it's always best to build an own opinion.
And even so he might have been a bad boy in the past, doesn't mean he can't be right for you ;) And also do the right stuff.
I mean, what if he did horrible stuff but KNOWS that he did horrible stuff. He didn't do that to you. Perhaps he needs a restart and would like to have that restart with you. People make mistakes, that's how we learn. So... it's on you and what your instinct and heart tell you.
.. But I'm probably too naive and always just want to see the good in a person
@Cuddles:
Heck, even the Brits brought their own temporarily confusing way of speaking (ordering chips instead of fries, so it always took a few seconds to make the connection)
As a British person who has been to America, I can say nothing is sweeter then the look on your faces :)
Also I'm with Nami on the whole "two sides of a story" thing. But I cant think of any good (true) examples right now. But yeah, if he knows he's done wrong then what he needs is forgiveness from someone. Sometimes it doesn't matter who forgives you as long as you have that comfort.
First of all I must say… Wow. I've read every post with surprise and saved them all and I don't know how to express what I feel because... Well, I know it probably sounds silly but the sex thing is a pretty big deal to me, petty as it might be in perspective, and the advice and feedback here is just.. Gah! I love you guys! Seriously, AP is home to the loveliest bunch of people I've had the pleasure to write with so thank you! :)
Banzai! This is for all of you! Yoho!
–------
@ Femme You can be rational when a crush is near? That's good. Really good! Now does this guy expect that you would be head over heel to be with him the moment the “opportunity” arises? I think your friend is right. What I know from being the listener to my cousins never ending love life is that it is probably best to keep some distance. The fact that he mentioned changing probably means there is something to what your friend says and that he might know it. The change thing doesn't happen unless he does it for him and not for someone ells. You know, it just ends up being a façade and that's bad for both parts.
I know I sound harsh and I'm the EVIL WILL HAPPEN contrast to Nami but I think he's in a very messy place right now so I'm happy you didn't let yourself get dragged down (from lack of milder and more appropriate expressions). All in all if I was you I would give it a little more time. Or hear out both ends. And follow your heart too! You know best! :D
Seriously, AP is home to the loveliest bunch of people I've had the pleasure to write with
Damn straight, totally agreed. :) (for the most part)
@THE:
This sister I mentioned, she just got married this year. I didn’t go to her wedding.
My parents always want me to be something they can be proud of, and constantly compare me with other family's children, and rant about how successful they are. Yet my parents themselves never gave enough time to care about their children. Too busy with their work.
I think I know enough about you to know what I'm about to say is going to be redundant, but here it goes. I know exactly how it feels to have your parents compare you with your siblings. I guess what I have to say is just don't worry about what your parents think of you. It'll hurt, trust me I know, but you know what? YOU have to live your own life. They can be a part of your life as a mangaka or they can live their own lives. But you can't let them stop you from doing what you need to do.
@THE:
When I was 2 years old they asked another family to take care of me until I went to elementary school. That was, I think, the happiest part of my childhood. I developed so dear a relationship with that family and loved them more than I ever did my real parents, to the point when they came to take me back home, I tried to hide and refused to go with them. My foster parents had children who has all grown up and worked at distant places, so they were lonely and needed a child, just as I needed parental love. When I left them, I basically left my only mental support. There was no kid of my age in the neighborhood, and my school is too far away, so my childhood was a childhood without friend.
My sympathies Sea. I'm the kind of person that makes sure all kids have at least one good friend.
Do you still keep in contact with your foster family though?
@THE:
My little brother who was 2 years younger than me (23 months to be exact, he is only one class behind), unfortunately, could never share my interest. He is, I think, a girl inside a boy’s body. He loved dressing as a girl, he walked and talked liked one, liked shoujo manga over shounen and still has a teddy bear in his room. But everyone surrounding him could never understand and forced him to behave like a “normal” boy. In this society he would forever be mocked for it. And I didn’t help. Just as close-minded as any, I even joined in mocking him. Terrible brother I was. We used to have a much closer relationship when we was little, but I just got more and more distant from him. If not for international environment like this forum, I would have still been viewing him the way I did.
Next chance you get, talk to your brother. If what you're saying is true, it's likely your brother is transgendered.
I don't know how you feel about that, but try to give your brother some support if it turns out he is transgendered. Just let him know you apologize and you'll be there for him. Sometimes those words alone can mean more to someone than you'd ever know.
@THE:
My father was a harsh man. I often got whipped for my mistakes when I was young, which was seen as normal in my country. It was until I grew big and strong enough that he stopped doing so. I feared him as I did a tiger (I often joke about it like that, because he was born in tiger year). Too scared to go against him. Yet I never earned his approval with whatever result I got at school (I can claim I was an excellent student). I still don’t, as of now. But I wanted to earn it, which is why I closed my circle even more. It was so uncomfortable back then, when most of my adolescence was trying to meet others’ expectation.
I'm just going to be blunt. No matter what, it's hard to gain parent approval. Some people go their entire lives trying to win their parent's approval and they still may never get it. So really, no matter how much it hurts, you just need to stop trying to win his approval.
I know it's scary to try to go against him, but the most important thing you have to do is say "this is what I'm going to do with my life and I'm going to do it whether you like it or not". Easier said then done, but that's really all that needs to be said.
@THE:
And my nature didn’t help. I was kid of weird interest. No kid of my age would buy a copy of I Ching. And Stephen Hawking’s A Brief History of Time? Come on…
It was when I showed strong signs of disobedience that my parents started to care more about what I think. But they were still too busy. And worse, I tried to deny that I needed their care, and developed into a haughty creature. I closed my heart from them even more, yet I still sought out for parental love to replace them.Looking back, it was so absurd I just wanted to laugh it off.
I need to fix this relationship with my family somehow someday.
I am going home.
Despite what I just finished saying about trying not to win their approval, do your best to try and maintain a relationship with your family. Completely cutting ties with them should only be the worst case scenario. Even if they never give you the attention you need (and deserve) you should still try to keep in contact with them.
I wish you luck Sea. I'm always here if you ever want to talk about it.
Two minor confessions cuz I felt like it:
Remember that Official Pokemon Handbook series? Even to this day I still regret when my school had the book fair and instead of ordering the second handbook that came out, I ordered the sticker book instead. :sad: Nooo and all the cool kids got the right one. D:
When I was little, I used to think that one lyric to the Pokemon theme song was "Eat pokemon to understand the power that's inside." But if you think about it… that brings up a good point, as illustrated by this (horrible) comic I found:
!
Two minor confessions cuz I felt like it:
Remember that Official Pokemon Handbook series? Even to this day I still regret when my school had the book fair and instead of ordering the second handbook that came out, I ordered the sticker book instead. :sad: Nooo and all the cool kids got the right one. D:
When I was little, I used to think that one lyric to the Pokemon theme song was "Eat pokemon to understand the power that's inside." But if you think about it… that brings up a good point, as illustrated by this (horrible) comic I found:
! [qimg]http://fc07.deviantart.net/fs18/f/2007/144/b/8/Pokemon_Food_by_nuriko_kun.jpg[/qimg]
This is scary. Maybe they eat Quorn meat? Y'know the veggie stuff made from fungus. And I once read a (terrible) fan fic where the author wrote "…ham sandwhiches..." and a reader said "What, did they kill some Grumpigs?"
Oh great. My pokemon playlist just started xD
Two minor confessions cuz I felt like it:
Remember that Official Pokemon Handbook series? Even to this day I still regret when my school had the book fair and instead of ordering the second handbook that came out, I ordered the sticker book instead. :sad: Nooo and all the cool kids got the right one. D:
THIS ONE?! ^_^ I was one of those cool kids that bought it from school! I actually USED this thing man. Was playing pokemon crystal and was like "wtf's a sandshrew, how do I kill it" and went and looked up that bastard like a pro.
When I was little, I used to think that one lyric to the Pokemon theme song was "**Eat pokemon to understand the power that's inside.**" But if you think about it… that brings up a good point, as illustrated by this (horrible) comic I found:
! [qimg]http://fc07.deviantart.net/fs18/f/2007/144/b/8/Pokemon_Food_by_nuriko_kun.jpg[/qimg]
LOLOLOL
not much of a confession, but still do this day, if something like this happen:
_TONIGHT AT ELEVEN
REMEMBER YOUR CHILDRENS OBSESSION IN THE LATE '90'S AND EARLY 2000'S WITH A JAPANESE CARTOON AND VIDEO GAME CALLED POKEMANS?
WELL, SCIENTISTS HAVE DISCOVERED ON A DESERTED ISLAND IN PACIFIC OCEAN THIS CREATURE_
_APPEARS TO BE ONE OF THESE SO CALLED POKEMANS
MORE ARE BEING DISCOVERED EVERYDAY. COULD NINTENDO HAVE FORETOLD A GREAT CHANGE IN OUR WORLD? STAY TUNED AS WE FOLLOW THIS STORY AS IT UNFOLDS_
I would seriously drop EVERYTHING in my life and become a pokemon trainer. peace out girlfriend. peace out dream job and career. peace out house, car, bills. peace out everybody that doesn't want to travel around and essentially be my down to earth homie (brock) and on-the-road fuck buddy (misty). I'm so GONE.