Well I finally got around to pt. 3…honestly don't think it's as good as the first two but it is the Ichigo/Ulquiorra fight and that writes itself in stupidity:
! Pt 3:
(Meanwhile back in Hueco Mundo…)
Ichigo: Why are you so obsessed in finishing this? I just want to go home after fighting all you stupid Arrancar non-stop.
Ulquiorra: Do you see that woman over there?
Orihime: Kurosaki-kun.
Ulquiorra: She promised that we'd be together forever and I'd know what love and the heart is if I beat you once and for all.
Orihime: Kurosaki-kun.
Ulquiorra: See, she's begging to have me take you down forever.
Ichigo: Ugh, she's been stuck in that mode since the arc started and has a serious case of Stockholm Syndrome.
Ulquiorra: What is she like typically?
Ichigo: I dunno..I remember some stuff involving leek-spinning and wanting to be a giant robot when she's older...but none of that matters because I must beat you!
Loly: Oh yeah, not if I can help it!
Ichigo: Um...who is that?
Ulquiorra: I think Grimmjaw once killed her but I'm not sure.
Orihime: Kurosaki-kun.
Ulquiorra: See, I was right. She just said so.
Loly: Well I'm just a jealous bitch and want to take that brat down who just saved my life!
Orihime: Kurosaki-kun?
Menoly: Didn't you just hear her? She doesn't want you to attack.
Loly: Silence, you! This is my one big moment!
Yammy: (crashing into the room) OH YEAH!
Loly: Did we really need you here? Just go back to...
(Gets backhanded away)
Menoly: Um...that was short.
Loly: It's not over yet! (releases) Now I'll...
(gets smashed away)
Yammy: So...did I win?
Ichigo: Don't tell me I have to fight him first.
Ishida: Yes, my one chance to reclaim my main rival status!
Ichigo: Um...and you are...
Ishida: Can't I just explain it later?
Orihime: Kurosaki-kun.
Ishida: See, she knows who I am!
(Ground crumbles under Yammy, making him fall down)
Ishida: And that should handle your Yammy problem in 3...2...1...
(An explosion is heard)
Ishida: OK, I'll take Orihime away now before...
Orihime: Kurosaki-kun.
Ulquiorra: She wants to stay here, now go away!
Loly: Can you take me with instead?
(Ishida runs off before any reply can be made)
Ulquiorra: Now...where were we?
Ichigo: (puts on mask) I think it was...here.
(Fires Getsuga Tenshou that nearly hits Ulquiorra)
Orihime: Kurosaki-kun!
Ichigo: There, there, it's finally over.
Ulquiorra: Um, she was actually just screaming for me. By the way, did you know how much you fight like a Hollow now?
Ichigo: Duh, it's called a Vizard!
Ulquiorra: Well then I have no choice...(flies up to the sky beyond the roof, Ichigo follows)
Ichigo: Um...what you're going to go chicken now?
Ulquiorra: Look, Aizen wants this place clean and my release is sort of one that will destroy everything around us. Just humor me.
Ichigo: Doesn't matter cause I'm going to win anyway.
Ulquiorra: You mean after I become...this!?
(Releases as Bach's "Tocatta and Fugue in D Minor" plays initially)
Ulquiorra: So, think this is enough to kill you now?
(Ichigo cracks up)
Ichigo: You...you mean you're going to kill me...like that!? I mean the helmet was bad enough before but now it just looks ridiculous!
Ulquiorra: Well maybe you won't find this ridiculous!
(Fires Cero Obscuras point blank)
Ichigo: Well...no...that wasn't ridiculous.
Orihime: Kurosaki-kun!
Ulquiorra: Ugh, now she's crying out for you and trying to give you support! You know what that means!?
Ichigo: Time to kick butt and chew bubble gum?
Ulquiorra: It means that I have to form change to get her to notice me again!
(Changes to Segundo Etapa, this time with the theme music from "Devilman" in the background)
Ichigo: (cracks up again) And now he looks more anemic than before! I mean, you look stupid in that last form but this makes me obviously see you as a member of Team Edwa...
(Gets a hole blasted into him)
Ulquiorra: And that's the last time you try to compare me to some stupid "Twilight" character. Read some Go Nagai instead of your woman's fan mags.
Orihime: Kurosaki-kun, Kurosaki-kun, Kurosaki-kun!
Ulquiorra: Yes, yes, I know...I didn't expect this either but at least he isn't going to complain about that helmet.
Orihime: Kurosaki-kun-Kurosaki-kun-Kurosaki-kun-Kurosaki-kun...(repeats it over and over)
Ulquiorra: Look, its over and you're mine. Maybe now you can keep quiet and we can...
Orihime: (screams) KUROSAKI-KUN!!!!
(Ichigo mutates into a more powerful Hollow form)
Ulquiorra: Look, if this is about the "Twilight" insult from before, I just get really sensitive about those sorts of things. I live in a culture with girls who are madly obsessed with Dir en Gray and X-Japan and those sort of pseudo-goth posers, so it's not like that stupid series of Stephanie Meyer novels were revolutionary in any way, shape or...
(Gets pummeled and zapped by evil Hollow Ichigo)
Ulquiorra: I didn't expect his feelings to be that bad about my insult.
Ishida: Yes, Ichigo's finally a Hollow! Now I can kill him like my tribe was supposed...
(gets stabbed by Ichigo)
Ishida: I guess they're family to him now.
Orihime: Kurosaki-kun!
(Ichigo gets zapped by Ulquiorra who is now missing a huge part of his body+, returning him to semi-normal)
Ichigo: Wait...what just happened...hey, that wasn't me!
Orihime: Kurosaki-kun!
Ulquiorra: Well she claims it was.
Ichigo: Hey, come back here, I want to finish this!
Ulquiorra: Sadly I wish I could but half of my body is gone and...(sees himself collapse into dust) Well, there goes the rest of it.
Orihime: Kurosaki-kun.
Ulquiorra: Woman, are you scared of me?
Orihime: Kurosaki-kun.
Ulquiorra: No, I wouldn't be scared of me like this either. Besides, I finally have.
(The entire screen blanks out)
Ulquiorra: The Heart.
(The episode seems to end with "Hearts" by Marty Vallen playing in the background to the blank white screen. But as the song ends, you hear Rukia yelling)
Rukia: Wait, you're going to end this part with that!? That's the worst ending to a fight I've ever seen!
Chad: Sinceramente creo que el final de la lucha de Naruto y Kakuzu era la manera más ridícula que eso.
Renji: Wait, weren't you fighting someone else a while ago?
Rukia: Well I was but then Yammy showed up and punched him.
Renji: So, shouldn't we just kill Yammy?
Chad: Espera, Yammy? ¿No Ishida le cuenta atrás a su fin?
Yammy: He did, but he forgot one tiny thing...
(The camera cuts back as Yammy finally releases)
Yammy: He forgot to say "Cero".
Rukia & Renji: WT...
(Cuts off as more of "Hearts" plays)