Overcoming fears of opposite sex

Mugiwara Maximus

In brutal honesty, I have lived much of my life in a male environment. However I have decided to readjust this imbalance, and want to know how to get on the good side of girls, if only to get to know them more. Where do I begin? What should I look for? What shouldn't I do?

Any comments on experiences are also appreciated, whether you are male or female. Have you ever been shy around the opposite sex? If you happened to overcome this, how did you do it? While suggestions are nice, I am also interested in your experience (if any).

Buuhan1

Just be yourself, if you fail then clearly God did not make you to be able to be around women. Lucky for you, that usually isn't the case.

mr_bushido

In high school, I was a nerd… patheticly clumbsy, shy around girls, and always saying the most awkward shit at the wrong moment. Now women tend to gravitate toward me. I have no other explanation other than the fact that I now do not care what the opposite sex thinks of me... I don't put up fronts & I don't deal with BS. By just being myself, I now know who I am, and my confidence has grown exponentially. It's all in the attitude!

Zephos

Girls=Human Beings
Boys=Human Beings.
Pretty simple really
has two female roomates and shares a bathroom with one/ iow take my advice on this

I guess people seem to demonize or mystify the opposite sex into some nonexistant extreme more than often.
I dunno, stuff like guys are all rowdy fun lovin frat boys/ brutal groping ruffians.
Girls fart rainbows/move in flocks like taloned bird monsters.

People and thier funny ideas.

Aldrich

Don't play out of your league.

BlackGalleon1

PM jackvance, AP's resident ~~pimp~~ dating expert.

Crickeylynn

I used to be so nervous around guys when I was younger. I never knew what to say, and I was self consious. I guess I was a nerd too, that or people took my shyness the wrong way and considered me something else. It took a while for me to build up my confidence in myself. But now I feel I can easily approach and talk to guys. I just took some time to grow up, and like Bushido said..to figure out who I am.

Oh..and most girls aren't mean and evil. Try to find something you have in common, to help get conversation going.

Fleur

As a female, I don't really get too shy around guys, but rather more outgoing.
It's probably how I grew up, where I used to act like one of the guys when I was younger.

But anyway, everyone's different. It depends on what kind of girl you want to attract. Of course, be yourself- but I say take your best personality trait and make it better. Take your worst and make the best of it.

As for getting over the fears of talking to the opposite sex…Well, most of the time we're all shy of each other on the inside, so there's no need. But that's kinda hard to just get over it just like that...we all get used to it eventually. Heck, one day you'll be living with one and be sick of her.

AWB

The one thing you need to know is that the opposite sex isn't looking for a superman/supergirl. You don't have to be something incredible, just be polite and nice. I'm very shy, but I've learned that simple things like opening the door for something or compliments work wonders.

As for me, I've generally afraid of verbal communication since I'm not good at it, so it's not limited to the opposite sex. I find myself comfortable around women, in fact, I prefer their company, and I think my general love for all women and appreciation for their kindness and beauty helps too. It's the same sex whom I'm nervous around, because they can be the complete opposite.

abc

Hum, just be nice, talks normally, say she is cute with that hair etc. I think with only this, you can have some new friends! Don't look yourself down and make a move!
And I think they will talk to you too. Well, works here…I made a lot of friendships this way...

CosmicDebris

I approach most people exactly the same. Aim for friendship, when you see there could be something more, and they're available, then just ask if they're available to go out with you somewhere simple, like a movie, or a coffeehouse, etc.. Make sure you don't put any kind of pressue on - just be relaxed and secure with yourself.

Local-chan

Try to talk to them, find out their interests and such, make them feel more like a friend than anything else, seriously, you REALLY want to have them as a close friend before anything else happens.

If you are having trouble with that, try and find something like I dunno, a anime con or an event to go to, since a lot of people of the opposite gender go there, then its much easier to make friends.

Rai

Wow.. I'm exactly the same. XD

Thanks for posting the thread actually, it's gonna help others [and me] for sure.

Um.. yeah, you guys said to talk normally and such, pretty much all of you. Well, what if I said I suck at talking, completely?
All I can talk about is manga and how bad the school is, really, since I don't know anything else. Never watching tv programs and such..
So considering how If I put one word out on anime/manga I'm considered the best laughing stock of the whole city, I don't have anything to talk about except h.w and school [in a bad way] which, well.. do the count.
Complimating [sp?] doesn't gonna do too much, I'm considered a weird kid who can't talk and is anti-social, and going like that talking with girls will just make it harder. They'll be like "WTF" completely, they already are when I try to talk anyways.

What should I do, really? =(

Zulen

@Rai:

I'm considered a weird kid who can't talk and is anti-social, and going like that talking with girls will just make it harder. They'll be like "WTF" completely, they already are when I try to talk anyways.

What should I do, really? =(

Get out and do stuff. And meet girls. It's a simple process.

Anyway, to answer everything, all you have to do it talk to them. People who think that the opposite sex doesn't speak their language has

A) Never been in an relationship.
B) Has no clue whatsoever what they're talking about.

As far as actual conversations go, I've found just being funny (More like charming, because I have trouble knowing when to stop), gets the job done. And dating isn't hard either, but possibly because I ~~grew up~~ am growing up in a strict environment, so I know how to speak politely.

Now see, the dating environment doesn't have to be strict, and it actually gets kind of awkward, but you need to maintain at least a minimal control level of politeness. I know Grilled Cheese Sandwiches are delicious, but you're on a date now.

Of course, the hardest part of the whole thing is just asking someone out.

The three second rule.

No pauses. No joke. If there is a break in the conversation, that gives time for you to imagine failure which is bad. Even if it's complimenting her shirt, dress, hair, anything to keep the conversation moving.

And asking someone out directly… well... think of something.

"Hey, do you have any plans this Friday?"
"No."
"You do now."

Roz

One of the most annoying things in the world is when a guy completely changes his personality when he's around a/more than one girl. It makes you look two-faced and fake, which is never a good thing.

Cr4zy

@Fleur:

As a female, I don't really get too shy around guys, but rather more outgoing.
It's probably how I grew up, where I used to act like one of the guys when I was younger.

Or maybe it's caues ur hot.
(im not hitting)

Aoi Neko

I'd just wait for that guy to approach me. XD Maybe we'd talk a little and probably become friends. Not pushing anything too far.

I'm one of the shy type as well.

Zulen

@Cr4zy:

Fleur, you're hot. Can you post nude pictures of yourself?

Hmm… Is that so...?

Mr. Zoro

@Fleur:

Heck, one day you'll be living with one and be sick of her.

Shay Wha? The way I'm interpreting it, you're saying that "Someday you'll get married to a girl, and one day you'll be sick of being with her". I don't think that's love whatsoever. If you're marrying someone, you're marrying them because you want to spend the rest of your life with that person, not because you just want to get bored of her in a few years.

Then again, I probably misunderstood what you said. My apologies if I did ^_^;

Hmmm my advice.

Most the people on this thread hit the nail on the head; Be yourself. You'll get the right woman for it, and you're going to like her if she just acts like herself too.
Avoid lying as much as possible. There are some cases where you might have to lie to her (either for the best or to save her life, and trust me it's happened before), but there's nothing that a girl likes more than an honest man (or so I've been told).

Social problems, you say? HA! I used to be a social wreck. Last year, a new girl came to her school, and I've summoned up as much courage as I could to talk to her over the phone, and it's payed off. I no longer have trouble talking to a woman, but this experience has made me much more confident in myself.

From it, I've learned something: It takes courage to go through life. Standing up to your fears will make you a better man tomorrow. What fun is life if you can't take risks anyways?

Refii

Start with girls you're not attracted to, but still think are decent enough looking that you could look at them in that way.

If you start going after girls you're attracted to, you'll fail; unless the girl is a saint, but she never is.

The old saying "practice makes perfect" applies here.
Also, try to find a girl with common interests and try to start up a conversation about that.

Zephos

A generaly good guideline to dealing with the opposite sex is to do whatever Lorenzo wouldn't.

joekido the Second

I'm a man and I don't need to be a female. I do want a wife.

Zephos

@joekido:

I'm a man and I don't need to be a female.

HUNH? 0_0
WHA?
QUE EST?

meethz

as a female, i can say that most women have "Types Of Guys" they usually look for in a man. whether it's funny type, the handsome type, the bad guy type.. but it the end, it's just a matter of being real and being a total gentleman. knowing what to say at the right time, when to stay put, when to back off and when to give a simple pat on the back.

Zephos

What if your not a total gentleman? How than can one be real?

Refii

What if she's a feminist and she thinks being a gentleman is belittling to her? (true story)

Rai

@Private:

Get out and do stuff. And meet girls. It's a simple process.

Anyway, to answer everything, all you have to do it talk to them. People who think that the opposite sex doesn't speak their language has

A) Never been in an relationship.
B) Has no clue whatsoever what they're talking about.

As far as actual conversations go, I've found just being funny (More like charming, because I have trouble knowing when to stop), gets the job done. And dating isn't hard either, but possibly because I ~~grew up~~ am growing up in a strict environment, so I know how to speak politely.

Now see, the dating environment doesn't have to be strict, and it actually gets kind of awkward, but you need to maintain at least a minimal control level of politeness. I know Grilled Cheese Sandwiches are delicious, but you're on a date now.

Of course, the hardest part of the whole thing is just asking someone out.

The three second rule.

No pauses. No joke. If there is a break in the conversation, that gives time for you to imagine failure which is bad. Even if it's complimenting her shirt, dress, hair, anything to keep the conversation moving.

And asking someone out directly… well... think of something.

"Hey, do you have any plans this Friday?"
"No."
"You do now."

Get out and do stuff.. thing is I'm in an environment [sp?] where pretty much most girls know who I am, and that's someone who only talks about school and is pretty much nothing out of school. Not only with girls, I'm like that to everybody. It's freak people out if I just go and talk to a girl, not to mention what can start talking about.

I have one friend who knows I like anime and respects that, along with that he knows I don't have anything to talk about and he respects that too. Once he took me from the ear to go out on a weekend for my first time ever, but it was only with 2 more boys and I almost didn't talk anyways.

Hell, I get stressed when a girl calls me to ask about h.w.

I guess my two choices is to get to know about stuff outside of anime [which doesn't interest me AT ALL, and I pretty much doesn't understand it] or to quit. How about that second one?

Zephos

@Refii:

What if she's a feminist and she thinks being a gentleman is belittling to her? (true story)

Which I essentially agree with in a way. I don't like the idea of being extra nice to someone for any reason not involving that actual person.
Or it is to say, respect is earned. Not received for ones genitals/age/status.

Gear_2nd

i live with girls they can take forever in the restroom my god, they need a freakin timer. that's besides the points. i was never shy i guess that's a good or a bad thing depending on one's point of view… but don't be afraid when you ask a girl out... girls actually like it when you tell them that you like them it makes them feel special...i'm not an expert but you know just try the worst that could happen is they turn you down, and when that happens move on and don't become a stalker ^_^
2)ok....random post but cool none the less

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare

Ramza

@Zephos:

A generaly good guideline to dealing with the opposite sex is to do whatever Lorenzo wouldn't.

QUOTE FOR TRUTH!

Mr. Zoro

Oh, and Gear 2nd pointed something else. Don't stalk her X_X I (admittingly) X_X …stalked...X_X someone. Yes it was a long year (dang you Mr. Zoro) and it took three glasses of Cranberry Juice but I somehow got through that incident and she apparently forgave me.

Carly

Just be yourself. Also, alcohol helps substantially in overcoming physical inhibitions, you can take my word for it.

Ms. Suave Debonair

@Carly:

Just be yourself. Also, alcohol helps substantially in overcoming physical inhibitions, you can take my word for it.

Although it can lead to a hell of a lot of shame come morning….:sad:

Chaos Inferno19

@Bad-Beat:

Although it can lead to a hell of a lot of shame come morning….:sad:

LMAO at te last to comments

O.K alcohol does work wonders lol, but that only works if your over 21(or know somebody to get it for you :ninja: )

lorenzo

Alcohol before has gotten me into so much trouble. I once banged my teachers gate screaming "I love you MaM!!". Then at the morning it was such an ass since I had to get guidance counciling.

If u r still a kid then enjoy yourself. Take the serious things in life as if it were part of your fun. There are always plenty of pretty girls u get to see when u get to college or when u graduate from it.
High-school infatuation is nothing compared to college.

Wanna share some youtube clips for u to listen to.

bedrock

@Rai:

Get out and do stuff.. thing is I'm in an environment [sp?] where pretty much most girls know who I am, and that's someone who only talks about school and is pretty much nothing out of school. Not only with girls, I'm like that to everybody. It's freak people out if I just go and talk to a girl, not to mention what can start talking about.

I have one friend who knows I like anime and respects that, along with that he knows I don't have anything to talk about and he respects that too. Once he took me from the ear to go out on a weekend for my first time ever, but it was only with 2 more boys and I almost didn't talk anyways.

Hell, I get stressed when a girl calls me to ask about h.w.

I guess my two choices is to get to know about stuff outside of anime [which doesn't interest me AT ALL, and I pretty much doesn't understand it] or to quit. How about that second one?

… don´t do things you do not like (remember: "...be yourself..."), use your strong points - if you are good at school even this can be a strong point!
Hell, there are girls calling you about hw?! Don´t be a fool, that´s an opportunity to come into contact, if the matter is complex (believe me it is) it would perhaps be a good idea to study together? Don´t forget to offer some tea in the break and of course you can ask her if she likes manga/anime ... If she doesn´t know lend her some (so she´ll have to return them). If you enjoyed the afternoon, ask her if she would like to go to the movies at the weekend (movies are great - you have something to talk about afterwards - of course you should invite her for some drink in a quiet place afterwards).

About your second choice: I wouldn´t really recommend this ... it´s what I did, and I feel that there were some lost years:getlost: ...

cheer up - there´s nothing to loose only to win!

Zephos

Strange how this has really become a dating topic….

BlackGalleon1

This post is deleted!

Chaos Inferno19

its basically what it was about anyway

Zephos

@Chaos:

its basically what it was about anyway

Oh rly????

???????

Chaos Inferno19

OK Zephos, i looked at the title again and yeah it did get of topic a litte bit.

but alcohol does help talk to women

Zephos

Or you can simply open your mouth and form words.

mr_bushido

The forming of words is overrated these days.

Fleur

All you have to do is try not to say anything sexual, barbarious, or anything along those lines and you're good to go. :p

…Which is harder than it sounds.

zeroxtb

@Zephos:

Or you can simply open your mouth and form words.

quoted for truth

lorenzo

I grow up in a country where girls are godesses for three days!! There is one season of St. John in our country that we completely become slaves to women. And trust me, we really do become slaves.

The cult is called Tadtarin/Tatarin. Women usually go to some kinda river like as a parade and make some kinda weird gypsy procession, some guys would follow them like dogs, some would even go on their knees. The girls become like crazy witches and dance wildly.
I find them surprisingly attractive. Remember grace overcomes beauty.

BlackGalleon1

^^ What does this have to do with "Overcoming fears of the opposite sex". As 'interesting' as you post is, my belief is it pretty much off topic.

Zephos

@lorenzo:

I grow up in a country where girls are godesses for three days!! There is one season of St. John in our country that we completely become slaves to women. And trust me, we really do become slaves.

The cult is called Tadtarin/Tatarin. Women usually go to some kinda river like as a parade and make some kinda weird gypsy procession, some guys would follow them like dogs, some would even go on their knees. The girls become like crazy witches and dance wildly.
I find them surprisingly attractive. Remember grace overcomes beauty.

Remember your creepy.

Polygon

@lorenzo:

I grow up in a country where girls are godesses for three days!! There is one season of St. John in our country that we completely become slaves to women. And trust me, we really do become slaves.

The cult is called Tadtarin/Tatarin. Women usually go to some kinda river like as a parade and make some kinda weird gypsy procession, some guys would follow them like dogs, some would even go on their knees. The girls become like crazy witches and dance wildly.
I find them surprisingly attractive. Remember grace overcomes beauty.

D'Oh .

captain usopp

Girls fart rainbows

WTH! O RLY. ha ha, I never knew I could do that! What else can I do that I don't know about.

….....figure out who I am.

yes. this is an important thing in life. growning up, sure, you go to school, you learn a lot, your smart, but the real lessons about life, come when you become an adult, and have experiences that effect your life. I am so different now, than I was when I was 20. And I feel like I still have a LOT to learn.

I'm not saying you can't find someone to love, at such a young age, but don't focus on it. You gotta learn about life and yoruself, before you bring someone else in the picture.

Anyways, um, ya, boys and girls are just people. So, treat people, how you like to be treated.

I grew up a tomboy. All the kids on the street were boys, and all my cousins were boys. So, boys don't bother me.

On the other hand, I'm always worried about boys alterior means. Boys only seem to care about sex, and boobs. Ya, that really impresses me. I'm not interested in sex, and I want someone to value me for my personality, not my rack. For me to come close to a guy, they really have to proove to me that they are full of good intentions.

I do live with 3 boys, and they are all great. I trust them completely, they are nice and fun, and we have stuff in common that we enjoy talking about.

So, ya, if I do "fear" anything with the opposite sex, it is that, are guys genuinely nice, or are they pigs in sheeps clothing.

As for getting into a relationship, well I do get bashfull around a guy I am interested in. It's just a part of nature I guess. I'd perfer to become friends, and get to know a person, before I decide to jump in and make a big decision like that anyways.