Confession Session II

Ekila

I did spoiler tags before because I saw everyone else doing that in this thread, so I just copied them XDDD o.o

Monkey King

The spoilering is dumb.

Noqanky

@Mr:

! Han Solo dies.
On a more serious note I do have a question, what is more important :accomplishing something while the way to get there was not even in the slightest enjoyable or having a good time in the process but not really accomplishing something good

The way I see it is that if I'm not enjoying the journey then there's no point in continuing down that road. It's like living miserable your entire life just to accomplish something epic, but then what happens if you fail to accomplish your goal? Whereas if you aim to enjoy what you're doing then even if you fail you'll still get something out of it. Not only that, but it also means living without a burden of duty, and could lead to discovering things you didn't realize you wanted before.

Of course, it's entirely dependent on circumstance. If the end result for what you're suffering through entails a greater outcome, then it's up to you to make the calculation whether it's worth it enough to sacrifice your time for it. But even if that's the case, as difficult as it may be you just have to remind yourself that it's your choice and your resolve to do this and hopefully that can help you regain some strength when it gets really tough. That and having people support you.

Jameswuds

I have posted here at one point earlier and basically I was really anxious about something that I'm still really anxious about and it hurts me mentally and physically. It's a couple of different things really, that takes alot of explanation, I can't even type this without trembling like a little girl because I'm constantly reminded off it.

Basically, since the last time I posted, I've moved downstate Illinois to a town called Peoria, basically bailing on my family and friends, simply because I couldn't handle the stress and the constant fear of being a victim again. Just a few months before I moved a couple of crackheads had broken into my crib and held me at gunpoint with my personal firearm while stripping my house of valuables.

Around this time basically, I was completely consumed by fear off being a victim of crime and this basically culminated into a frustration when I saw the general callousness of the media about the crime situation in my city as well as others. Naturally, I know there are people who are trying to better the situation, but I just can't see it, when all I see is bloodshed everywhere. No matter where I went on the southside, I had to deal with being g-checked, which is basically a bunch of gangbangers running up on you and asking whether you are about that action or not. Before I was a victim of crime, I never had a problem with it, because I have a gunpermit and I was carrying a strap wherever I went, simply because that's what you have to do if you don't want to be robbed, stomped out or murdered.

Prior to this, I knew it was bad, but I was sort of numbed when I heard about people dying or hearing gunshots ring from a couple of blocks away, but you don't really know just how bad it is though, before you've had to deal with a life and death situation. The lack off attention that national media paid to this phenomenon and especially the black community outside off Chicago frustrated me to the point of almost having mental breakdowns. So around the time Freddie Gray died, I just looked at it like ''why should I care? There are fucking hundreds of people getting shot every goddamn week in this city but their lives and their experience is just a bunch of statistics on a piece of papper that everybody will forget about next week. But one guy dies by a couple of cops and literally the entire world explodes because off it''. I realise long agot this was completely out of pocket, a terrible line of argument and something I would never normally think. And numerous members here basically told me ''dude, wtf is your problem?'' and rightfully so. That is absolutely not how I think anymore.

So I figured the only way to stop this is to basically leave. Start on a new leaf. But even when living in a quiet neighborhood surrounded by people who hasn't even seen a drunken brawl, I'm still scared to death almost all the time. I have medication and I visit a psychiatrist. It does help, but it's only temporary reliefs. My girlfriend knows that I have these panic attacks and she has the patience of a saint to be able to live with my constant twitching, angry outbursts and panic attacks. I try to surround myself with people who know how I feel, but the thing is, when I'm in a social situation, you can't really tell that I'm dealing with this. So I don't feel like I can open up about it properly to them either.

The final effect of all this has been that I can't even stomache reading the news anymore or even being active on social media. I know that media try their best to fearmonger, but the difference from people who feel slightly worried when they hear about a terrorist attack or for that matter, even Donald Trump running for president, is that I feel physically sick to my stomache whenever I even see any form of article that worries me the slightest. My psychiatrist told me to quit social media if I feel it stresses me in any way whatsoever in this situation. He basically told me to just deal with all the simple things in life until I feel stable enough to deal with the rest off it.

Around a week ago, I took the courage to actually read the news so I can get used to it again. And the first thing I see on Chicago suntimes is that someone who used to be my little brother's best friends has been killed in a shooting. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can barely even watch movies anymore, any loud sounds and I almost hyperventilate, cause I've been cognitioned to the point I mentally hear screaming children and tires screeching whenever somebody just drops something heavy on the floor. I break out in tantrums whenever the slightest thing doesn't go my way and I'm literally moments away from breaking down and crying whenever I'm criticized for anything. My girlfriend treats me like a child and I yell at her for doing so, because I'm embarassed by it. I apologized about that yesterday night and having grasped what I've been doing actually helped a lot. But I know it will be back to basics when I'm in a bad mood and I'm afraid she won't be able to deal with me anymore. I would never, ever share something this personal with strangers, but I really needed to get everything out of my system and it simply feels much better knowing somebody will see this.

To wrap this up, cause I've been trying to write it for about 2 hours now. I needed someone different from the people who know what I'm dealing with to see this, because they will give me the same stories all the time and that bothers me like hell. Also, it embarasses me to open up to them. So in case you followed me this long, I just want you to know, that no matter what happens in your life, I hope you won't ever have to deal with this excruciating experience and that I am eternally grateful that you actually took the time out of your day to hear my story out. Take care of yourselves guys.

Ekila

@Jameswuds:

…

I'm sorry to hear that you going through this. I can understand how you feel about it all. Though mine is a different reason, but it's a similar type of paranoia. But its to a very small extent if that makes any sense. I have trust issues because of past events. It varies from time to time, but it's there. So, I can relate somewhat to what you going through. I would say just hang in there, and keep seeing your psychiatrist. I would also say avoid social media for now since that can give you triggers. It will take time to take over this, but you can do it! Just go little by little. Also, I hope I was some help to you as well! (And yes, I read your entire thing ^^) Anyways, I wish you the best of luck too! :3

Noqanky

That certainly does sound super difficult. And while I don't have a context for what it must be like to endure things of that level, what I do want to mention is that I hope you realize how much strength it takes to deal with what you're dealing along with working so hard to understand yourself.

Regrettably all I can do is wish you more strength to continue moving forward. Best of luck!

ShinigamiKing

This is something that's been bugging me for awhile.

Was I poor as a kid?

I hate being the type of person that complains about things and acts spoiled so I need to know.

Growing up, I lived in a 2 floor house with my mom and dad and bro. We went to a catholic school.
We had toys, but didn't really buy new ones that often. They were often too expensive and we couldn't buy them that often. Like, once in a year or so. (If it costed more than like 2 bucks).

My bro had a video game console, but didn't really let me play it till I was 7 I think. We never really bought much games for it at all because it was expensive. Online subscription was a pipe dream.

For internet, we had dial up.

Then all of a sudden, a little more money poured in at one point. We were able to get a game every few months. We could afford tae kwon do classes somehow. and got broadband internet.

Then we moved to an apartment, and we had more money kind of. We had to quit tae kwon doe due to it being expensive. But there was stretch where we bought a 360 at 300 bucks one year, and then a ps3 slim the next year. And some 2-3 $60 for each of them.

Afterwards, the frequency of that died down. We usually only got 1 game every 3-4 months if it costed more than like 20 bucks. Still in catholic school at that point.

Around high school time, we were short changed. I don't have a part time grocery job, so I'll blame myself for not having free money now. But I hate the spending decisions and habbits my parents have adopted, and I feel that has been a bigger issue as of late. I can't buy new under for 15 bucks, but she can spend money on some pyramid scheme website. And my dad is willing to drop 200 bucks on football despite me being flabby at the time and overall not that interested in playing football at all in high school (let alone career), yet has trouble paying 60 bucks for a prom limo - which is probably one of the more memorable moemnts in life.

Anyway, I don't have much interests in stuff like video games or any other toys as I used to due time constraints and overall lack of playing it. I feel so bored now.

I find myself being so conscious and worryful about money when I go out - even if it's to spend more than 2.50 on a bag of spinach. I don't really spend money outside of groceries (I'm on a diet).

My parents don't wanna tell their salary - maybe they are embarrased about it? Or because it's just an odd question to ask? Either way I have to assume it's not as high as they'd like it to be. I don't know. They sometimes casually say that we're poor in certain situations. They always want me to get into other things to make it big like music and programming to make apps and all that, since it's easier to pay off debt and become rich - which, oddly enough, I'm already aware of, and try to do.

I just wanna know if I'm poor, if I should be complaining about things.

Noqanky

There's a couple things to address there.

Being poor doesn't mean you get to complain. You are already complaining, and that is something you have a right to. People complain when things aren't satisfactory, or are stale, or frustrating, etc., or simply because they like to complain. It seems you feel the need to complain, so the question is not so much whether you are poor and get to rightfully complain, but why you feel the need to complain and what you can do about it.

The other thing is you're asking whether you're poor to an audience that probably has wildly different concepts of what poverty means. So in other words, it's a question that doesn't necessarily lead to accurate answers. It's more something you should be asking yourself when carefully considering what it is you lack for and what it is you have. Do basic necessities factor in the need? Is there hunger? Is there shelter? Is there health? etc.

And even then, the phrasing of it as "am I poor?" is a bit silly to me. There's a point in which poor is more than anything an attitude you have towards life, and for a lot of people that's an attitude that's forced on them due to a lifestyle of restriction and insecurity. It's an attitude of learned helplessness. Do you think there's a reason for you to be feeling that?

ShinigamiKing

@Noqanky:

There's a couple things to address there.

Being poor doesn't mean you get to complain. You are already complaining, and that is something you have a right to. People complain when things aren't satisfactory, or are stale, or frustrating, etc., or simply because they like to complain. It seems you feel the need to complain, so the question is not so much whether you are poor and get to rightfully complain, but why you feel the need to complain and what you can do about it.

The other thing is you're asking whether you're poor to an audience that probably has wildly different concepts of what poverty means. So in other words, it's a question that doesn't necessarily lead to accurate answers. It's more something you should be asking yourself when carefully considering what it is you lack for and what it is you have. Do basic necessities factor in the need? Is there hunger? Is there shelter? Is there health? etc.

And even then, the phrasing of it as "am I poor?" is a bit silly to me. There's a point in which poor is more than anything an attitude you have towards life, and for a lot of people that's an attitude that's forced on them due to a lifestyle of restriction and insecurity. It's an attitude of learned helplessness. Do you think there's a reason for you to be feeling that?

I asked if I was poor because I feel so unhappy, yet I'm wondering if I'm just not making the most of what I had.

I need something to justify my unhappiness, basically. I hate how empty and "impoverished" I feel sometimes. So I wanna if I'm spoiled or not.

I'll try to explain it better later.

Purple Hermit

You asked if you were poor as a way to escape your unhappiness when you answered yourself that the amount of money you had fluctuated on where you were in life, your family's spending habits, and your perception of how much your parents are making. So you're already going to get a wide variety of answers, and none of them are going to tell you whether or not you were making the most of what you had.

And then you're asking whether or not this is a justification for your unhappiness, which is already another whole can of worms.

Femme

This post is deleted!

Noqanky

Eh, I'm ambivalent towards that sentiment, since necessity does interfere very harshly with happiness, as does the constant looming thread of homelessness/hunger, etc. It may not buy happiness, but money does ensure security and without that it's really difficult to pursue higher-level needs like self-actualization and others that provide well-being and happiness.

More to the point of the conversation, I don't understand why you need justification for being unhappy. It just happens. I also don't know what answer it is exactly that you're seeking.
If we were to tell you you're indeed spoiled, does that help in any way? Will that actually stop making you feel unhappy?

Femme

True, the phrase is more of a code to live by once your basic necessities are met.

ShinigamiKing

@Noqanky:

Eh, I'm ambivalent towards that sentiment, since necessity does interfere very harshly with happiness, as does the constant looming thread of homelessness/hunger, etc. It may not buy happiness, but money does ensure security and without that it's really difficult to pursue higher-level needs like self-actualization and others that provide well-being and happiness.

More to the point of the conversation, I don't understand why you need justification for being unhappy. It just happens. I also don't know what answer it is exactly that you're seeking.
If we were to tell you you're indeed spoiled, does that help in any way? Will that actually stop making you feel unhappy?

I just feel that I'm so upset, but I don't want it to be that I'm upset for no reason or that I'm upset because I'm spoiled.

It's an odd question, I know. I think the issue is that I'm tying the financial aspect to my unhappiness without bringing up all the other factors into it. Basically, there are other things that make me stress out and feel jaded, aside from money I think.

Ekila

I'm just so frustrated right now. I had a huge argument with one of my friends that spanned over several hours throughout the night. She is voting for Drumpf. I want to change her from doing that because he is a dangerous man. But no matter what kind of evidence I try to show her, she won't believe it. One, she thinks Drumpf's rallies with the violence going on was not caused by the supporters, but by the anti-supporters. And she also thinks everyone is misinterpreting what he said about barring Muslims. She thinks he meant something else… I mean really? She is even okay with a wall being build, and against making immigration easier because she thinks it's an insult to older generations.

So much evidence that I was trying to show, and she just tries to dispute it, thinking its wrong. She even wants Muslims to be checked before they come here in case of one of them being a terrorist. That part I did not like either because its discrimination. I then tried to mention the other way around, so suddenly she to went to everyone being checked, and then went back to Muslims, and so on. I know I was in a way forcing her to change, but I think that's probably because I want her to realize that what she is doing is wrong, and dangerous for the country. sigh I just don't know what to do with the friendship, at all.

I don't know how I can be friends with someone who is okay with such an evil person, and have such deluded thoughts about things, etc. And if by some chance that man becomes president, both my roommate and I will be moving out of the country. But anyways, this was just a part of what happened, I can go on and on about it, but I think I showed what I meant here with my frustration. I hate people getting hurt by others. I don't want to people get hurt by wanting such terrible things to happen in the world. And it just feels like whatever I say does not get through them. I just want to help people, but it always blows up in my face. No matter what I say, no one wants to listen to what I'm saying.

KageKageKing

@Ekila:

[hide]I'm just so frustrated right now. I had a huge argument with one of my friends that spanned over several hours throughout the night. She is voting for Drumpf. I want to change her from doing that because he is a dangerous man. But no matter what kind of evidence I try to show her, she won't believe it. One, she thinks Drumpf's rallies with the violence going on was not caused by the supporters, but by the anti-supporters. And she also thinks everyone is misinterpreting what he said about barring Muslims. She thinks he meant something else… I mean really? She is even okay with a wall being build, and against making immigration easier because she thinks it's an insult to older generations.

So much evidence that I was trying to show, and she just tries to dispute it, thinking its wrong. She even wants Muslims to be checked before they come here in case of one of them being a terrorist. That part I did not like either because its discrimination. I then tried to mention the other way around, so suddenly she to went to everyone being checked, and then went back to Muslims, and so on. I know I was in a way forcing her to change, but I think that's probably because I want her to realize that what she is doing is wrong, and dangerous for the country. sigh I just don't know what to do with the friendship, at all.

I don't know how I can be friends with someone who is okay with such an evil person, and have such deluded thoughts about things, etc. And if by some chance that man becomes president, both my roommate and I will be moving out of the country. But anyways, this was just a part of what happened, I can go on and on about it, but I think I showed what I meant here with my frustration. I hate people getting hurt by others. I don't want to people get hurt by wanting such terrible things to happen in the world. And it just feels like whatever I say does not get through them. I just want to help people, but it always blows up in my face. No matter what I say, no one wants to listen to what I'm saying.[/hide]

I get the same feeling when some of my friends and fellow students still supports our current president besides being in the obviously wrong side no matter how screwed up the nation's economy is down the hill and everyone is in a dark mood with bad perspective for the future, but you see I guess things are more like cheering for a football team or joining a fraternity in a college. The same team or fraternity is not the same as the one from years ago, but people still will support it. Maybe if Trump became president and mess things up, you will at least have actual evidence that he was a bad choice.

The Franky Tank

@Ekila:

I'm just so frustrated right now. I had a huge argument with one of my friends that spanned over several hours throughout the night. She is voting for Drumpf. I want to change her from doing that because he is a dangerous man. But no matter what kind of evidence I try to show her, she won't believe it. One, she thinks Drumpf's rallies with the violence going on was not caused by the supporters, but by the anti-supporters. And she also thinks everyone is misinterpreting what he said about barring Muslims. She thinks he meant something else… I mean really? She is even okay with a wall being build, and against making immigration easier because she thinks it's an insult to older generations.

So much evidence that I was trying to show, and she just tries to dispute it, thinking its wrong. She even wants Muslims to be checked before they come here in case of one of them being a terrorist. That part I did not like either because its discrimination. I then tried to mention the other way around, so suddenly she to went to everyone being checked, and then went back to Muslims, and so on. I know I was in a way forcing her to change, but I think that's probably because I want her to realize that what she is doing is wrong, and dangerous for the country. sigh I just don't know what to do with the friendship, at all.

I don't know how I can be friends with someone who is okay with such an evil person, and have such deluded thoughts about things, etc. And if by some chance that man becomes president, both my roommate and I will be moving out of the country. But anyways, this was just a part of what happened, I can go on and on about it, but I think I showed what I meant here with my frustration. I hate people getting hurt by others. I don't want to people get hurt by wanting such terrible things to happen in the world. And it just feels like whatever I say does not get through them. I just want to help people, but it always blows up in my face. No matter what I say, no one wants to listen to what I'm saying.

As a person who had those kinds of beliefs at one point, it's a process that can take a long time to change. Your friend seems to be in the stage I was at till I was about 21/22, which no matter what kind of logic is thrown at you it sounds unreasonable and you think you are right. Despite the fact that these things are horrible and can really affect other people, it's for the greater good. For me personally, it was years of seeing reality and eventually facing my personal bias. I travelled to so many different places and saw a number of different cultures. I met a number of different people all different and I eventually realized that despite cultural/sexual/religious differences, everyone has a lot of similar differences. Over time my previous beliefs were chipped away and I'm now in the stage where I'm actively trying to learn and form my beliefs based on facts and seeing different people's experience.

Unfortunately you can't do much for your friend, and if your friend is adamant about all of this then arguing will most likely make her double down on her beliefs. Hopefully down the road she becomes open to hearing the other side and try to see the world for what it actually is. When she does start being open and trying to figure things out it's still a long and painful process, as I know I could be even more snippy during the process.

C_uggs

@Ekila:

I'm just so frustrated right now. I had a huge argument with one of my friends that spanned over several hours throughout the night. She is voting for Drumpf. I want to change her from doing that because he is a dangerous man. But no matter what kind of evidence I try to show her, she won't believe it. One, she thinks Drumpf's rallies with the violence going on was not caused by the supporters, but by the anti-supporters. And she also thinks everyone is misinterpreting what he said about barring Muslims. She thinks he meant something else… I mean really? She is even okay with a wall being build, and against making immigration easier because she thinks it's an insult to older generations.

So much evidence that I was trying to show, and she just tries to dispute it, thinking its wrong. She even wants Muslims to be checked before they come here in case of one of them being a terrorist. That part I did not like either because its discrimination. I then tried to mention the other way around, so suddenly she to went to everyone being checked, and then went back to Muslims, and so on. I know I was in a way forcing her to change, but I think that's probably because I want her to realize that what she is doing is wrong, and dangerous for the country. sigh I just don't know what to do with the friendship, at all.

I don't know how I can be friends with someone who is okay with such an evil person, and have such deluded thoughts about things, etc. And if by some chance that man becomes president, both my roommate and I will be moving out of the country. But anyways, this was just a part of what happened, I can go on and on about it, but I think I showed what I meant here with my frustration. I hate people getting hurt by others. I don't want to people get hurt by wanting such terrible things to happen in the world. And it just feels like whatever I say does not get through them. I just want to help people, but it always blows up in my face. No matter what I say, no one wants to listen to what I'm saying.

Like KageKageKing said, is the same situation we face in our country, but here we have facts justifying that the current government is bad, if there is any solid fact about Trump, than you can justify what is good or bad based on your opinion.

The concept of "save that person from what I believe is evil" is a bit selfish of your part, if your friend truly believes in a political party or person, what is the problem of that ? isn't that person your friend and by being your friend mutual respect is a must ? Yes, divergences may occur, but respect has to speak louder. As long as you keep the good discussion with that person, things will go well.

Ekila

@KageKageKing:

I get the same feeling when some of my friends and fellow students still supports our current president besides being in the obviously wrong side no matter how screwed up the nation's economy is down the hill and everyone is in a dark mood with bad perspective for the future, but you see I guess things are more like cheering for a football team or joining a fraternity in a college. The same team or fraternity is not the same as the one from years ago, but people still will support it. Maybe if Trump became president and mess things up, you will at least have actual evidence that he was a bad choice.

Oh, I see. Yes, that would be real good proof to show someone was a bad choice.

@The:

As a person who had those kinds of beliefs at one point, it's a process that can take a long time to change. Your friend seems to be in the stage I was at till I was about 21/22, which no matter what kind of logic is thrown at you it sounds unreasonable and you think you are right. Despite the fact that these things are horrible and can really affect other people, it's for the greater good. For me personally, it was years of seeing reality and eventually facing my personal bias. I travelled to so many different places and saw a number of different cultures. I met a number of different people all different and I eventually realized that despite cultural/sexual/religious differences, everyone has a lot of similar differences. Over time my previous beliefs were chipped away and I'm now in the stage where I'm actively trying to learn and form my beliefs based on facts and seeing different people's experience.

Unfortunately you can't do much for your friend, and if your friend is adamant about all of this then arguing will most likely make her double down on her beliefs. Hopefully down the road she becomes open to hearing the other side and try to see the world for what it actually is. When she does start being open and trying to figure things out it's still a long and painful process, as I know I could be even more snippy during the process.

I gotcha. I know what you mean by changing beliefs, as I know my beliefs changed a lot when I learned more about the actual topic.

@Captain:

Like KageKageKing said, is the same situation we face in our country, but here we have facts justifying that the current government is bad, if there is any solid fact about Trump, than you can justify what is good or bad based on your opinion.

The concept of "save that person from what I believe is evil" is a bit selfish of your part, if your friend truly believes in a political party or person, what is the problem of that ? isn't that person your friend and by being your friend mutual respect is a must ? Yes, divergences may occur, but respect has to speak louder. As long as you keep the good discussion with that person, things will go well.

It's not just about the Trump thing. It's about all her views for a whole that I disagree with it. I read through her political things on what she believes in, and its a lot I disagree with. I guess for me, it not just about politics, but its about wanting to hurt other people, so she can feel safe. It's just so hard for me to respect someone with those kinds of views. I have no problem respecting one's views, but I guess with the situation that happened, it got to me a lot with her way of thinking, and it scares me that she thinks this way. Even refusing to believe stuff that really happened, like for example his rallies and the violence. She basically was telling me it's all a conspiracy. Hence me trying to show her that's what she was thinking was wrong. I also know it's wrong of me to try to force someone to change. At times, I do have this issue of doing that.

But I think the main thing I have an issue with her is because she is against human rights, and she wants to harm others by voting for someone, so she can feel safe, but not the other people. Which in return, makes me feel unsafe with the way she is thinking. I know there are certain points at accepting a friend's differences, but what if those differences are harming other people? And today I'm just feeling like crap because of what happened, and seeing how she is. I knew her for several years, and now I find out exactly what she believed in. I know you should not force someone to change, that was wrong of me to do, I just wish I knew how to help people better to understand what I'm trying to say to them. I just need to accept that's this is how she is, but I just don't think I can be friends with her because of the reasons stated above. Sorry if it feels like I'm being a bad person in wanting to do this, and I hope I'm not being annoying as well.

The Franky Tank

@Ekila:

Oh, I see. Yes, that would be real good proof to show someone was a bad choice.

I gotcha. I know what you mean by changing beliefs, as I know my beliefs changed a lot when I learned more about the actual topic.

It's not just about the Trump thing. It's about all her views for a whole that I disagree with it. I read through her political things on what she believes in, and its a lot I disagree with. I guess for me, it not just about politics, but its about wanting to hurt other people, so she can feel safe. It's just so hard for me to respect someone with those kinds of views. I have no problem respecting one's views, but I guess with the situation that happened, it got to me a lot with her way of thinking, and it scares me that she thinks this way. Even refusing to believe stuff that really happened, like for example his rallies and the violence. She basically was telling me it's all a conspiracy. Hence me trying to show her that's what she was thinking was wrong. I also know it's wrong of me to try to force someone to change. At times, I do have this issue of doing that.

But I think the main thing I have an issue with her is because she is against human rights, and she wants to harm others by voting for someone, so she can feel safe, but not the other people. Which in return, makes me feel unsafe with the way she is thinking. I know there are certain points at accepting a friend's differences, but what if those differences are harming other people? And today I'm just feeling like crap because of what happened, and seeing how she is. I knew her for several years, and now I find out exactly what she believed in. I know you should not force someone to change, that was wrong of me to do, I just wish I knew how to help people better to understand what I'm trying to say to them. I just need to accept that's this is how she is, but I just don't think I can be friends with her because of the reasons stated above. Sorry if it feels like I'm being a bad person in wanting to do this, and I hope I'm not being annoying as well.

In the end it will come down to how close you two are and if knowing these views will cause that much of a strain. You said you've been friends for several years and only now found out. Despite some views you find bad, does she still seem like an overall decent person? If you've been friends for this long then she'd have to be an overall good person for you to have stayed like that. While her views could be seen as dangerous, another question is why does she think such things? If it was like me before, it's an upbringing and having been in an environment where her views have been reinforced, where now she feels that she couldn't be wrong. If it's out of ignorance, even if she won't budge I'd say see how things go from here. If it changes the dynamic of your friendship too much then perhaps you could consider not being friends anymore. If there is true malice in there, which based on what you said I doubt, then that would probably be a warning to back out.

Also, since you aren't feeling good after what happened it would be best just to have some time to cool down then when you are level headed think about it more.

C_uggs

@Ekila:

It's not just about the Trump thing. It's about all her views for a whole that I disagree with it. I read through her political things on what she believes in, and its a lot I disagree with. I guess for me, it not just about politics, but its about wanting to hurt other people, so she can feel safe. It's just so hard for me to respect someone with those kinds of views. I have no problem respecting one's views, but I guess with the situation that happened, it got to me a lot with her way of thinking, and it scares me that she thinks this way. Even refusing to believe stuff that really happened, like for example his rallies and the violence. She basically was telling me it's all a conspiracy. Hence me trying to show her that's what she was thinking was wrong. I also know it's wrong of me to try to force someone to change. At times, I do have this issue of doing that.

But I think the main thing I have an issue with her is because she is against human rights, and she wants to harm others by voting for someone, so she can feel safe, but not the other people. Which in return, makes me feel unsafe with the way she is thinking. I know there are certain points at accepting a friend's differences, but what if those differences are harming other people? And today I'm just feeling like crap because of what happened, and seeing how she is. I knew her for several years, and now I find out exactly what she believed in. I know you should not force someone to change, that was wrong of me to do, I just wish I knew how to help people better to understand what I'm trying to say to them. I just need to accept that's this is how she is, but I just don't think I can be friends with her because of the reasons stated above. Sorry if it feels like I'm being a bad person in wanting to do this, and I hope I'm not being annoying as well.

It all comes to the conclusion that if the person wants to be "saved" from what ever you believe is bad. If you want to end this friendship be sure you end it because of disagreements between you and her.

She respects you and your option ?

Ekila

@The:

In the end it will come down to how close you two are and if knowing these views will cause that much of a strain. You said you've been friends for several years and only now found out. Despite some views you find bad, does she still seem like an overall decent person? If you've been friends for this long then she'd have to be an overall good person for you to have stayed like that. While her views could be seen as dangerous, another question is why does she think such things? If it was like me before, it's an upbringing and having been in an environment where her views have been reinforced, where now she feels that she couldn't be wrong. If it's out of ignorance, even if she won't budge I'd say see how things go from here. If it changes the dynamic of your friendship too much then perhaps you could consider not being friends anymore. If there is true malice in there, which based on what you said I doubt, then that would probably be a warning to back out.

Also, since you aren't feeling good after what happened it would be best just to have some time to cool down then when you are level headed think about it more.

I see. I think maybe I need a break from her before I make the final decision. She seems like a good person, but her views restrict the right of others. She is also against gay marriage, and I'm shocked that she is. Especially with me and my roommate being technically bisexual. I think the hardest part is that part too besides the other things that were said. It was frustrating in debating with her about this in a civil matter. So, I kept getting more and more annoyed and upset with the conversation I had with her.

@Captain:

It all comes to the conclusion that if the person wants to be "saved" from what ever you believe is bad. If you want to end this friendship be sure you end it because of disagreements between you and her.

She respects you and your option ?

She seems sorta of, but she opposes it, and occasionally she tries to tell me propaganda she believes in and I don't. After a while, she just changes the topic. I don't know how she truly feels about my decision. The way she is not, she's not very blunt, so she just keeps it to herself type of thing. I'm sorry, that I don't know how to explain it at all. Among other things, she also always messes up on my pronouns even though she knew about me for four years. I know it may take some time on getting pronouns right, but this long? I do wonder what she really thinks of me? And will she tell the truth, and try to avoid it? Or be nice, and not say anything? That's the real question.

But regardless, my way of thinking right now is not correct at the moment, since I'm depressed, upset, etc. So many emotions going on. I just don't how to make a firm decision on what to do, etc. So, I guess a break from her is in order till I calm down, and then I can make a more rational decision on what to do.

Lastly, thanks to everyone that replied. I appreciate it.

Demon Rin

Work is starting to get to me really really badly…. I'm becoming a bit demoralized and am kinda close to breaking down over it...

I'm sure someone's gonna look at this and think I'm being silly or dumb but.... Its just REALLY bothering me. It started out as something I could ignore or just shrug off but slowly as the months go on and it keeps happening over and over and over again... it's piled on to the point that It's really upsetting me now...

I work on the phones... so a vast majority of my interactions in any given work day are with people over the phone. I DON'T have this problem with people who interact with me in person really, ONLY over the phone...

But with those phone people, I get constantly misgendered.... like... I get at least 30-40 calls a day... and at least a good 75% of the time, when a person identfies me with a pronoun, it's male....

Not even reminding them of my NAME seems to stop it... I've gotten positive Survey emails from callers where it's like "That Chelsea fixed my problem, He sure is a good worker!" and I'm like…. UGHGHN

The bad part is, it's clear nobody is doing this with any form of malace or ill intent, but it'd be extremely awkward and I'd think maybe get me in trouble if I'm like, correcting them on every call....

So there's literally NO way to fix this... it's just gonna keep happening... ugh...

Ekila

That does sound really frustrating indeed. I understand where you coming from because I had it happen to me as well. And I correct them all the time, since it annoys the hell out of me when people use the wrong pronoun. I never got in trouble, and in live in a Bible Belt State (Missouri). Also, I doubt you would get in trouble if you correct them with the right pronoun. And besides, you have every right to do so as well. I also would say to try to stay positive and don't let them get to you. And if you need anyone to talk to, I'm always here to listen, and try to help you out the best I can!

Noqanky

@Demon:

So there's literally NO way to fix this… it's just gonna keep happening... ugh...

That's not necessarily true. Have you considered investing in voice coaches? You'd be surprised at the kind of range you can develop from simple exercises, recording yourself, practicing the muscles, singing, voice acting, etc. Even simple things like watching what you drink has an effect.

I have a document somewhere on my computer about good exercises and things you can do to achieve things like that, and I'm pretty happy with the results. Just listening to streams I was doing a year ago and comparing them to now it's easy to notice the difference. And it shouldn't be difficult to find help as a whole either, there are a lot of people in industries like acting, voice acting, singing, performance, etc., who have to do these things to develop range and diversity in their voices.

Naturally, I don't know what you have or not done already, but never feel like you have no control over this. Keep practicing, over and over, and I'm sure you'll see results.
–-----------------------

I guess on this topic, there HAS been something nagging at me recently that I wanted to clarify. I feel I've been obvious about this previously elsewhere, but apparently not enough as it still surprises people.
Basically put, like other ladies here I'm also a trans girl.

Ultimately, I haven't bothered much making a deal about bringing this up since it is truly mostly my own business and the only people who should care are very well aware of it, and it also ultimately has no effect whatsoever on who I am here, but it has become evident to me the need to clarify this for a couple of reasons:

I hate creating the impression that it's something I'm hiding or of which I'm ashamed.
What has bothered me most about it for a long time is that in years past in these forums I have been intentionally unclear and deceptive about my identity in order to mask myself further, and while ultimately I have no shame in who I am I do feel shame in lacking the authenticity that other people seem to just naturally have. So ultimately, if I have lied or been unclear to anyone about being something else I'm not, my apologies.
I hate feeling like I'm in a position of invisibility/safety while other people don't have that privilege. This is more of a personal one since I intentionally moved to a liberal context to live my life how I wanted, and while I stand by the wisdom of that choice recently it bothers me to think that if I hadn't ran away from where I was I could have been in a position to help people in that location who didn't have that luxury of running away, namely certain students I had. So in that sense I have a bit more of a resolve at this point to be as open about it as possible and even if Drumpf gets elected I don't want to run away to safety again while other people can't.

I suppose that is all I have to say about that for now.

ShinigamiKing

I have a pretty poor self image. I hate how I look.

I tend to compulsively daydream about a better me or a better life/future

And I tend to react strongly to certain minor events, yet remain emotionless or not obthered by bigger, more important events. I think this fits in with the whole "idealziation/devalution" thing.

I'm not sure if this meets the criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm asking because I know I have probelms, but I don't have enough people to talk to it about.

Noqanky

The only person who can accurately answer something like that which involves a full-fledged diagnosis of a disorder is a therapist. So if you're really concerned about something being wrong with you, see what you can do about seeing a therapist to figure out whatever that may be.

Nolus

I cut myself again.

I'm really ashamed of myself. I just… can't think of anything to defend this. It's been a year since I last cut myself, I think, the scars are still there, they always will be, but still, I could go around with my sleeves up, and I wouldn't feel bad or anxious that someone might see them. Now it's back to long sleeves for a while, or a big bracelet of some sorts.

I suppose it'd be good if I wrote down here what happened. I've been meaning to ask you guys about a few things anyway.

So yesterday, I came home, sligthly frustrated, but nothing serious (on my period). I had one class, Finnish, which was awesome, even if I was tired. I'm always better after Finnish for some reason, the people there are nice, and I like the atmosphere.
So I came home, and started playing LOL (as I mostly do). Maybe I should mention here that I've been quite frustrated over the fact, that I couldn't really perform with one of my favourites (Illaoi), but this time, I was pretty good. I even earned an S rank. While playing, I started reading some posts on facebook, one of which concerned people touching and/or harassing girls on a Hungarian Con (Anime, Games, boardgames etc.). I read through the comments, found some interesting stories, and became grateful that I visit those things with my love and friends and my cosplays tend to be rather... covering, if that makes sense. My eyes were the only thing you could see of me in my latest cp, for example.
Now, there was a commenter, who, as a male, was rather puzzled what these girls are expecting anyway, with their revealing cosplays and so on, and how is it a bad thing if someone thouches them on the butt, or hip or something. Several people (mostly girls/women) started to argue with him. Including me. And that's were I made a huge mistake. I thought I was being rational, if a little too loud, and thought I made good points. The first thing that made me feel like a complete idiot and a worthless piece of shit is when he wrote that interestingly, we are all women, and maybe if a sane male commented here, he would share his opinion.

I didn't like that. I was being denied simply for having a female name on my facebook profile (my real name). My opinions and feelings didn't matter? I tried to save myself, and asked my friends (all boys) what they thought of this. All of them agreed with me, except for one, who said, well, those girls with the skimpy outfits kinda ask for it anyway.

Moving on, the second and bigger thing that made me cut myself in desperation was that the original poster (who started the discussion), replied to the guy, and they started complementing each other that "finally, there's a sane person, that's so rare nowadays, I grew tired of these idiots here" and... that's when I broke.

That's when I realized I was a piece of shit. I wasn't a good debater, my opinion doesn't matter, I just made things worse, and I'm just like everything I ever hated and didn't want to become.

So I failed. Failed my whole life. I'm no good at discussions, I can't protect myself properly, and I'm just the worst hypocritical person ever.

Okay, wait, I'll try to calm down.

My love called me and tried to calm me and convince me that none of these are true. That I wasn't at fault. I cried, I just... lost myself. Said I want to die, want to kill myself, even though I knew I was hurting him badly. When I hung up, he called me again and again, as long as I didn't pick my phone up and talked to me. This went on for... I don't really know.

Finally, what pulled me out of my misery is when he started crying. Like, it just burst out of him. My heart skipped a beat, and for a moment I thought I was going to lose him somehow. I said "What happened? Please don't cry, I promise I'll stop and go to bed and sleep, just please..."

It brings my to tears even now as I'm writing this. We both cried for a while, holding our phones. I put on his shirt that he lent me, grabbed his pillow he sleeps on when he's over, and my plush wolf. I lied down on my bed.

Today, early in the morning, he came over, and I cried again. Showed him my three new scars, he kissed them, kissed me, hugged me. I couldn't stop saying "I love you" and "Forgive me" and he said "I love you" and "I'll never abandon you"

Oh my god, he's.... there are no words, in any of the languages I study and speak, there exist no words for him.

My scars remain, as do my uncertainity and the search for myself. But he stays and will forever stay by my side. And I still can't defeat depression. Why is it so strong?

Hanz

@Nolus:

That's when I realized I was a piece of shit. I wasn't a good debater, my opinion doesn't matter, I just made things worse, and I'm just like everything I ever hated and didn't want to become.

So I failed. Failed my whole life. I'm no good at discussions, I can't protect myself properly, and I'm just the worst hypocritical person ever.

oh my god why? where is this self loathing stemming from? calm down lady and learn to love yourself.
all of this because of a debate on the internet? i've had hundreds of those, and i've been on the losing side of most of them. yeah, i've had my arguments destroyed by others, it's okay. people aren't perfect and sometimes they could have a wrong opinion on something.
now im not saying that your opinion was wrong. i actually agree with you, just because a woman dresses a certain way it doesn't give anyone the right to harass her.
take a break from the internet if you're easily agitated by it. go out, hit the gym or see your family. sometimes solitude depresses people.
your boyfriend seems like a good person, ask him why he cried. something could be troubling him…
i don't post here so sorry if i got anything wrong about you. i may post a confession of my own sometime, who knows.

Nolus

@superv:

oh my god why? where is this self loathing stemming from? calm down lady and learn to love yourself.
all of this because of a debate on the internet? i've had hundreds of those, and i've been on the losing side of most of them. yeah, i've had my arguments destroyed by others, it's okay. people aren't perfect and sometimes they could have a wrong opinion on something.
now im not saying that your opinion was wrong. i actually agree with you, just because a woman dresses a certain way it doesn't give anyone the right to harass her.
take a break from the internet if you're easily agitated by it. go out, hit the gym or see your family. sometimes solitude depresses people.
your boyfriend seems like a good person, ask him why he cried. something could be troubling him…
i don't post here so sorry if i got anything wrong about you. i may post a confession of my own sometime, who knows.

For your first question, I raise you this: I… can't really say for sure. That's still something I need to discuss further with my psychologist (we've been onto it from early on anyway). Part family problems, part not being accepted at school and part mystery I guess. I'm fighting against it, but sometimes (nowadays quite often), it overwhelms me.

As for the discussion thing: it was a trigger, yes, but as with a lot of things, it must've built up overtime. I have an appointment with my doc next week, I hope we can start to look for clues.

One of the reasons all this affected me so badly might be because lately, I've been having doubts about my self-image. I feel like I don't know what/who I am. The "thing" I am now functions as a temporary state? I don't know.

It might be for the better to take a break from facebook (aside from some groups I need for university). The rest of the internet (at least the parts I visit) is "safe" I think.

Thank you for the other art of your advice, though in my case, solitude now is what heals me a little. And the company of a few people. Gym is unfortunatey out of the question, I have no money for that, and I'm not in the state to go right now. I'll resume my personal training next week anyways, that'll help ~

My love cried because I was in such a bad state that he was afraid of losing me. He's too suffering from depression and he says right now I'm the world for him. He was afraid he wouldn't be able to help me, and I did say "I want to die" a lot of times, which was, I'm sure, upsetting. And believe me, I'm always there for him as well. He's rarely quiet about his inner troubles to me, and those times are because he's just used to getting ridiculed for them and keeping those for himself. I'm slowly convincing him that I will never laugh at his troubles, and I'll always listen to him. It's still hard for him, but I'll keep waiting patiently, forever if I need to.

Don't worry about not getting everything right about me right away. You took the time to reply and were in no way offending, so I see no reason why you should be sorry.

MDL

@Nolus:

Today, early in the morning, he came over, and I cried again. Showed him my three new scars, he kissed them, kissed me, hugged me. I couldn't stop saying "I love you" and "Forgive me" and he said "I love you" and "I'll never abandon you"

Oh my god, he's…. there are no words, in any of the languages I study and speak, there exist no words for him.

I agree. As sad as that situation was, your strong romantic bond with him is clear as day and it's beautiful.

I hope you both find all the happiness that you can, and that you continue to support each other :)

Carmilla

@superv:

oh my god why? where is this self loathing stemming from? calm down lady and learn to love yourself.
all of this because of a debate on the internet? i've had hundreds of those, and i've been on the losing side of most of them. yeah, i've had my arguments destroyed by others, it's okay. people aren't perfect and sometimes they could have a wrong opinion on something.

Unfortunately it's not so easy for everyone. Some can just dismiss things like that, some can react to it far stronger. It mostly has complicated reasons of course though, like insecurities or something else. Well she replied to it the best afterwards, but I still want to add: you are right yes, but sometimes we do know what is the right way to react to something, subconsciously at least, but it's extremely hard to do so. There are so many emotions or past experiences getting in the way and overshadowing it.

@Nolus:

I thought I was being rational, if a little too loud, and thought I made good points. The first thing that made me feel like a complete idiot and a worthless piece of shit is when he wrote that interestingly, we are all women, and maybe if a sane male commented here, he would share his opinion.

Of course I don't agree with this guy but see his point? He's basically saying: YOU ARE ALL WOMEN YOUR OPINIONS DOESN'T MATTER CAUSE YOU ARE VICTIMS.
Which is bullshit. I actually get this kind of idea from what he's saying: "We should harass women, and all of us agree to it, but no women shall speak about it, because they are bothered by it." Which translates to me like this: "We want to commit crime only the other criminals would agree with, not something victims have any say about. Yay" (a bit exaggerated but honestly.)

I didn't like that. I was being denied simply for having a female name on my facebook profile (my real name). My opinions and feelings didn't matter? I tried to save myself, and asked my friends (all boys) what they thought of this. All of them agreed with me, except for one, who said, well, those girls with the skimpy outfits kinda ask for it anyway.

There are some people you can't reason with. This guy's stance is clear. Every female member was denied, maybe if a guy commented and said the opposite he'd go saying "oh you just aren't attracted to women" or something. My point is, he was a guy who made a point and wanted to express his quite unhealthy opinion, but also wanted to dismiss people not for their arguments but for their identity, be it gender or something else. He wouldn't listen neither to you and nor to the smartest and the most articulate woman on earth. No matter how "perfect" you might have been, it would have gone the same. And the problem was with the guy, he wasn't looking for a discussion at all. Maybe he even ran out of things to say or protect his opinion when he wrote that and just tried to attack instead that way. Awful but that's the way he did it.

Moving on, the second and bigger thing that made me cut myself in desperation was that the original poster (who started the discussion), replied to the guy, and they started complementing each other that "finally, there's a sane person, that's so rare nowadays, I grew tired of these idiots here" and… that's when I broke.

Two guys found each other. There are also people who steal or kill or something and guess what? There are more than one of them and they agree with each other, to justify the crime. The difference is that my examples are things that aren't accepted by society and they can't express it publicly or attack other people to justify whatever they did wrong.

That's when I realized I was a piece of shit. I wasn't a good debater, my opinion doesn't matter, I just made things worse, and I'm just like everything I ever hated and didn't want to become.

See what I wrote above. I have no idea how good you are as a debater, maybe it would have broken me as well (not close to that level though), or at least it would have made me really mad. It sucks when you are trying to do something and can't succeed. I am sure you are far calmer now than when you wrote that post, and hopefully you fully realise now that this was beyond your control. It hurts when you want to make your opinion heard but you can't, but it was his fault. He had his ears closed to specific thing: women's opinions. Your opinion didn't matter to him only because he had an unhealthy view. But I am sure other women felt more encouraged and overall, I don't imagine it going to waste or you not being helpful at all. Just not to the extent you wanted to. However, you can't change everyone's opinions and sometimes you can't even make them listen to you. Some things have roots too deep within and it's hard even for close people to change their views, let alone strangers on the internet, where even when proven wrong, many people just start attacking instead of actually listening if someone has anything smart to say or not. Sucks, but that's how it is.
Don't blame yourself about it too much :(
Though I understand that it's hard to react according what's the most rational all the time, especially with the problems you have and it is awful that you cut yourself, but…
You are making progress and don't make that one diversion break the chain, keep on fighting girl!~

My love called me and tried to calm me and convince me that none of these are true. That I wasn't at fault. I cried, I just… lost myself. Said I want to die, want to kill myself, even though I knew I was hurting him badly. When I hung up, he called me again and again, as long as I didn't pick my phone up and talked to me. This went on for... I don't really know.

Finally, what pulled me out of my misery is when he started crying. Like, it just burst out of him. My heart skipped a beat, and for a moment I thought I was going to lose him somehow. I said "What happened? Please don't cry, I promise I'll stop and go to bed and sleep, just please..."

It brings my to tears even now as I'm writing this. We both cried for a while, holding our phones. I put on his shirt that he lent me, grabbed his pillow he sleeps on when he's over, and my plush wolf. I lied down on my bed.

Today, early in the morning, he came over, and I cried again. Showed him my three new scars, he kissed them, kissed me, hugged me. I couldn't stop saying "I love you" and "Forgive me" and he said "I love you" and "I'll never abandon you"

Oh my god, he's.... there are no words, in any of the languages I study and speak, there exist no words for him.

This is the cutest thing I have read in a while. You are both lucky to have each other and those kind of feelings :3

My scars remain, as do my uncertainity and the search for myself. But he stays and will forever stay by my side. And I still can't defeat depression. Why is it so strong?

What sucks the most is that loving relationship, friendship or family can't fix issues like those. They can encourage you, support you and keep you on the right track, but who does the most of the action of changing yourself for the better is still you and only you. Keep that in mind.
and.. stay DETERMINED.

–- Update From New Post Merge ---
.................................................................................

Now about my own life.

Recently I have gotten some insecurities that seems to be stronger than I thought they'd be.
I feel like I bother people and annoy them. I have felt that strongly about one specific person lately. A bit of info first. I am not shy at all socially. I can be quiet but generally I have no problem or lack of courage saying things I feel like, or doing them and I am quite straightforward. I got to know someone at the beginning of uni by approaching them, cause they interested me as a person and things went wrong in terms of how the friendship went. Now that was a trigger for this to start, that and various other relationships, make me feel quite self-conscious of how I can develop friendships, and the things they told me are the main trigger to make me wonder if I bother people right now.
So basically, the one person I got to know now, like few days ago, has not given me any reason to feel this way so far. They are someone whom I asked to do project with and who agreed and told me to add them and talk to them about it, and also someone who interests me as a person. Also, it appears we have some common interests so we talked about those stuff more than the project itself. And they are friendly and quite socially active person generally.. I mean I got to know them ONLY a week ago, they aren't supposed to act all friendly with me suddenly just because we share some common interests. And even so, the way they are acting is more than satisfying to me.
However, once I feel a bit of coldness or something in the tone, I panic. And then I get afraid because I feel like my overreaction can get in the way of future possible friendship too. Well, this happened the other day, online. I felt like I wrote them too much or something and I felt self-conscious. And all they did was not replying to something that didn't really ask for it. I mean, I knew it was stupid and silly, but I just couldn't help being sad. Though it needs to be mentioned that other outside factors had fucked up my mood even before that happened.
And so what even if they aren't interested in me as much? My reaction won't change it, right? And it's not like someone would actually talk to me either if they felt like I bothered them too much, so it can't be the case, right? Just because I wrote them few times. And the conversations went fine too, so it's not like I want anything different right now. I just want not to overreact like this, even if I didn't show it at all with the person themselves. And it's kinda ironic that what made me feel worse was that I felt that way in the first place.
I don't know if I am actually asking for an advice or just venting. I know I just have to relax and focus on other things, not little things like these. Heck, sometimes I even fear that I am losing my strongest motto of life to be myself as much as possible, and instead I want to leave kind of perfect impression on people and I feel a bit more suffocated in terms of that.

Noqanky

@Carmilla:

Now about my own life.

Recently I have gotten some insecurities that seems to be stronger than I thought they'd be.
I feel like I bother people and annoy them. I have felt that strongly about one specific person lately. A bit of info first. I am not shy at all socially. I can be quiet but generally I have no problem or lack of courage saying things I feel like, or doing them and I am quite straightforward. I got to know someone at the beginning of uni by approaching them, cause they interested me as a person and things went wrong in terms of how the friendship went. Now that was a trigger for this to start, that and various other relationships, make me feel quite self-conscious of how I can develop friendships, and the things they told me are the main trigger to make me wonder if I bother people right now.
So basically, the one person I got to know now, like few days ago, has not given me any reason to feel this way so far. They are someone whom I asked to do project with and who agreed and told me to add them and talk to them about it, and also someone who interests me as a person. Also, it appears we have some common interests so we talked about those stuff more than the project itself. And they are friendly and quite socially active person generally.. I mean I got to know them ONLY a week ago, they aren't supposed to act all friendly with me suddenly just because we share some common interests. And even so, the way they are acting is more than satisfying to me.
However, once I feel a bit of coldness or something in the tone, I panic. And then I get afraid because I feel like my overreaction can get in the way of future possible friendship too. Well, this happened the other day, online. I felt like I wrote them too much or something and I felt self-conscious. And all they did was not replying to something that didn't really ask for it. I mean, I knew it was stupid and silly, but I just couldn't help being sad. Though it needs to be mentioned that other outside factors had fucked up my mood even before that happened.
And so what even if they aren't interested in me as much? My reaction won't change it, right? And it's not like someone would actually talk to me either if they felt like I bothered them too much, so it can't be the case, right? Just because I wrote them few times. And the conversations went fine too, so it's not like I want anything different right now. I just want not to overreact like this, even if I didn't show it at all with the person themselves. And it's kinda ironic that what made me feel worse was that I felt that way in the first place.
I don't know if I am actually asking for an advice or just venting. I know I just have to relax and focus on other things, not little things like these. Heck, sometimes I even fear that I am losing my strongest motto of life to be myself as much as possible, and instead I want to leave kind of perfect impression on people and I feel a bit more suffocated in terms of that.

Sounds exactly like my social life to be honest XD
That constant anxiety of will you annoy someone because you want to talk to them or lose them because not talking to them probably means they won't talk to you.

Hanz

@Carmilla:

Unfortunately it's not so easy for everyone. Some can just dismiss things like that, some can react to it far stronger. It mostly has complicated reasons of course though, like insecurities or something else. Well she replied to it the best afterwards, but I still want to add: you are right yes, but sometimes we do know what is the right way to react to something, subconsciously at least, but it's extremely hard to do so. There are so many emotions or past experiences getting in the way and overshadowing it.

i understand, some things are just too infuriating to ignore. but remember, it's the internet we're talking about not real life. no matter how good our position or argument is the other side can just ignore it or refuse to understand it and go on with their wrong point like nothing happened. you can't control your communication with others on the internet, that's why it should never really be taken seriously.
even in real life, people aren't so easy to accept a different point of view no matter how hard you try to shove it down their throat.

Noqanky

@Hanz:

i understand, some things are just too infuriating to ignore. but remember, it's the internet we're talking about not real life. no matter how good our position or argument is the other side can just ignore it or refuse to understand it and go on with their wrong point like nothing happened. you can't control your communication with others on the internet, that's why it should never really be taken seriously.
even in real life, people aren't so easy to accept a different point of view no matter how hard you try to shove it down their throat.

Well, but the internet for some people IS real life. While for some people the internet is just a tool to distract from real life, for others it's much more. There's a reason that places like this thread exist: for many of us our opinions, ideas, beliefs, intrests, etc., are still far too fringe and/or frowned upon for real life socializing to feel safe, optimal or even possible. So when that happens it's not difficult to push all those social and interpersonal needs into the realm of the internet, a place where you can actually find similar-minded individuals with considerably less risk.

To have people in comment sections and boards and other places invade the perceived safety of that space can be just as impactful as being in a classroom and having someone suddenly walk in to yell bigoted remarks in your face. It's someone invading a space of comfort to challenge your reality and your value, and just getting up and leaving is not an optimal solution for people who don't really have other means of having a social experience. It's like saying that if someone bullies the fuck out of you in this forum you should just leave and not bother, but that just means that the assholes win and you lose one more space of comfort.

Nolus

@Carmilla:

Two guys found each other. There are also people who steal or kill or something and guess what? There are more than one of them and they agree with each other, to justify the crime. The difference is that my examples are things that aren't accepted by society and they can't express it publicly or attack other people to justify whatever they did wrong.

Oh, it was a girl. The original poster was a girl, and she responded to the guy, and the two were like "It's great to find a sane person at last"

Carmilla

@Nolus:

Oh, it was a girl. The original poster was a girl, and she responded to the guy, and the two were like "It's great to find a sane person at last"

OK now things are weird. But I guess I understand girls like that too, or at least have seen them.
And I don't think it changes much either, my point is that the guy didn't really want to let other opinions in and was dismissing different ones because of unrelated reasons. As I said, if a guy posted something similar to you guys, he may have dismissed him too, or maybe he'd try to turn him around his opinion or I don't know.
But either way I doubt it was a guy who wanted to have a healthy discussion and who wanted to actually listen to other opinions, in that case he would have had arguments about the points made itself, not about the people who did it.

Nolus

Another post here because… well. I just need help.

I'm sort of figuring out what's bothering me lately. It probably has to do something with my self image and most likely my gender. You know, the inner thing.

Up till now, and mostly in my life, I considered myself a boyish girl, tomboy, whatever you want to call it. There was one time I questioned my sexuality, and now I'm pretty certain that I'm bisexual although I prefer a very specific kind of woman.

I don't really know if it's appropriate to talk about here, so I'll put it in spoiler tags. If it's a no-no though, I'll delete it at first notice:

! My sexual life is also good. I mean, I love making love to my love, and both of us enjoy it immensely.

And yet, I feel very weird nowadays, like there's something wrong with me. I feel like I can't settle down with a style, like I'm wrong either way. I've had like 3 different haircuts in this year alone, and now I feel I need another one, because I don't like this. I feel uncomfortable, I feel I don't belong to my body.

But I don't want to change my sex. I mean, I've thought about it, but I don't want to be male. Bodily, I'm alright with my body (that made sense). The problem comes with gender roles. I just don't want to be female that way. I hate the things commonly associated with women, and I've started ti hate my own name, because it describes my as a woman, when deep inside, I don't think I am.
However, I can't say I'm male. I just… I just don't know. Is it either this or that, or is the a middle ground? Or a ground when none is involved? What the hell am I?

Noqanky

There are a lot more gender identities than the male/female binary.

Like for example, for a long time I thought of myself as bigender given it entails going from male to female back and forth. Ultimately after a year or so of living that way it became obvious to me only one of those identities actually made me feel happy, so I went for that.

But there are also a lot of people who reject the binary altogether and opt for things like being genderfluid or even androgynous. Basically means they prefer not to have a gender assigned to them and instead identify and dress and all that in a way that's not constrained by the gender binary. And that's something that's perfectly normal too, and you should be able to find lots of info on the matter. I'd help with that, but I'm on my phone so it's not as easy to search and share. Let me know if you need help though, or any of the many people here who have also had to deal with dysphoria and figure out how to identify.

–- Update From New Post Merge ---

Also, that was an adorable spoiler lol. Don't think there's a problem with you saying that xD

Nolus

@Noqanky:

There are a lot more gender identities than the male/female binary.

Like for example, for a long time I thought of myself as bigender given it entails going from male to female back and forth. Ultimately after a year or so of living that way it became obvious to me only one of those identities actually made me feel happy, so I went for that.

But there are also a lot of people who reject the binary altogether and opt for things like being genderfluid or even androgynous. Basically means they prefer not to have a gender assigned to them and instead identify and dress and all that in a way that's not constrained by the gender binary. And that's something that's perfectly normal too, and you should be able to find lots of info on the matter. I'd help with that, but I'm on my phone so it's not as easy to search and share. Let me know if you need help though, or any of the many people here who have also had to deal with dysphoria and figure out how to identify.

–- Update From New Post Merge ---

Also, that was an adorable spoiler lol. Don't think there's a problem with you saying that xD

Ah, you that's what it's called.

I would very much like to read up on the subject, if you get home and can browse more easily~
Maybe I just need to invent a gender for myself.

Is moustache a gender?

C_uggs

Sometimes you have to see how low you are to make a decision.
[hide]I went to buy some controlled medicine to my mother, they were all prescribed by a doctor friend of hers, the dosage is 3 capsules per day she took 30 capsules at once. I found her stoned in the bathroom full of vomit and blood. I called my dad and we took her to a hospital, she had to undergo a detox that lasted 1 day. Now she is at home, trying to sleep.

I can't take this anymore, I will search for a place to live alone, sure I will also see a home for my mother.[/hide]

Nolus

@Captain:

Sometimes you have to see how low you are to make a decision.
[hide]I went to buy some controlled medicine to my mother, they were all prescribed by a doctor friend of hers, the dosage is 3 capsules per day she took 30 capsules at once. I found her stoned in the bathroom full of vomit and blood. I called my dad and we took her to a hospital, she had to undergo a detox that lasted 1 day. Now she is at home, trying to sleep.

I can't take this anymore, I will search for a place to live alone, sure I will also see a home for my mother.[/hide]

! I hope things will work out for both of you. It is completely understandable that it's a big burden to you and seeking help may be a good solution. It'll be a big step for sure, but stay strong!

Whatever the case. write here or send me a pm if you want to talk!

Demon Rin

I'm just… I'm done... I don't care about anything anymore. I'm probably at my lowest point I've ever been and I just don't care about anything right now.

I hate my ugly horrible self. I don't even know why I'm posting here, maybe I just want to vent...

Ekila

@Demon:

I'm just… I'm done... I don't care about anything anymore. I'm probably at my lowest point I've ever been and I just don't care about anything right now.

I hate my ugly horrible self. I don't even know why I'm posting here, maybe I just want to vent...

You are a beautiful person, inside and outside. You are a good person from what I've seen of you. You are very intelligent too, and I like reading your posts. I am also glad that we became friends as well! And it's okay to vent out, I'm here to listen, and be here for you! :3

Jameswuds

I posted here a few weeks ago about my anxiety and today I had probably the best talk of my life with my mother and I feel so much better today and I've sorted out a few issues that I've been procrastinating. Really feeling myself today.
I've indirectly cut off a few people that are a negative influence on me and tonight I'm only going to be surrounded by positive vibes and positive people. I haven't been this happy in years now, thank you guys for your support, you've convinced me just how amazing this forum is as far as online communities go. You guys are fantastic and I mean that. Soak it in! :)

ShinigamiKing

I realized that dancehall/reggae style songs or chord progressions make me feel kind of sad/emotional.

Ekila

@Jameswuds:

I posted here a few weeks ago about my anxiety and today I had probably the best talk of my life with my mother and I feel so much better today and I've sorted out a few issues that I've been procrastinating. Really feeling myself today.
I've indirectly cut off a few people that are a negative influence on me and tonight I'm only going to be surrounded by positive vibes and positive people. I haven't been this happy in years now, thank you guys for your support, you've convinced me just how amazing this forum is as far as online communities go. You guys are fantastic and I mean that. Soak it in! :)

Congrats! And I'm glad things are going better for you as well! :3

C_uggs

About the events of friday:
[hide]My mother is acting weird, she is having a hard time talking and is always shaking. I talked with the nurse that takes care of her in my house, she said she wants to stay in our house one more day per week, so in the end, it will be 3 days, not bad.

At least she started to cry again, and yes, that is a good news.

The doctor that did the detoxification said she could have died…Yeah..[/hide]

Chrissie

@Demon:

I'm just… I'm done... I don't care about anything anymore. I'm probably at my lowest point I've ever been and I just don't care about anything right now.

I hate my ugly horrible self. I don't even know why I'm posting here, maybe I just want to vent...

Everybody reaches that point now and then Rin and it is the worst feeling, one I am well acquainted with yuck. It will get better. Good times will come, things that are worth caring for will come, so hang in there.

Also I think you are beautiful both outside and inside. We are the hardest on ourselves really. We judge our flaws and mistakes the harshest and consider ourselves to be the worst and think that others see us like that too, because why wouldn't they? But that's not true most of the time. Most people are too preoccupied with their own demons and problems to even notice or care about our own. Anyways, what I am trying to say is, give yourself a break. You worked hard to come all this way so think better of yourself :) You can definitely overcome this as you are a pretty strong lady! hugs

Demon Rin

Thanks.

I should probably explain that post since I realize I was in a messed up state of mind when I posted it and I didn't exactly explain it. Noqanky actually reached out to me on Skype to make sure I was ok.

Basically… I know someone who is getting married, so her, my best friend and I went out to a club as a kinda last hurrah, and a couple of guys were hitting on us for a decent portion of the night.

Gonna be honest, wasn't 100% into them entirely, but it was kinda nice to be hit on. They weren't being pickup artist types or disrespectful, just showing genuine interest, and... sometimes that feels nice.

Until the end of the night when I found out WHY they were showing interest.

They were a gay couple and they thought I was a guy. They were trying to get me (and maybe my best friend) in a 3-4 way.

I mean, I know I'm ugly, it's not like this was news.... but knowing in my head is one thing, having it actually confirmed for me by external people was just crushing...