Ugh. Basically we had to make groups again for the coming project today, which is actually very heavy on individual work and graded as such for the most part, and basically, after being left over and getting thrown into a group again for the nth amount in the past year, I basically got told "I don't want to work together with you because you're difficult to work with" by pretty much my entire group.
Also, because of the way they were all pointedly avoiding mentioning or addressing me when initially discussing making the groups yesterday and the way today they were all jumping at the chance to let a straggler who just joined my class join one of the groups immediately after the question was posed, while they were all trying very hard to not put their hands up for me, it's very clear to me that the rest of the class thinks the exact same thing about me.
I'm not even sure why everybody thinks I'm that insanely bad, when really, I just have some difficulties in taking initiative and apparently should talk a bit more, which is kind of hard in a class where everybody is super social and best buddies with each other except for me because I just happen to be the not so social nail that sticks up. I just think it's a total dick move regardless of reasoning or intent.
Had a pretty bad crying fit once everyone but the teacher was gone from the classroom, too.
I talked with the teacher during that, who I didn't know all that well, or at least tried to explain my personal situation, and he directed me to talk with another available teacher who knew me a lot better as a person and had me in her classes before.
The problem right now is that the first teacher, the project's lead teacher, does not want to just throw me into some other group randomly, and so I would be stuck with the way things are arranged now, and I really don't want to, especially since groups are formed within classes anyway and so the problem wouldn't be solved at all and the other side would protest if he'd throw me to them. We've been looking for a solution, but it's hard with a situation this complex.
We basically concluded that perhaps, this particular class of people is not suited for me at all and I'd probably be better off moving to another class more suited to my quirks, and honestly, I don't even want to stay anymore anyway now.
A good lot of my classmates are a good four or five years younger than I am, and they are very clique-y and of that really average girly girl type that mostly likes to talk about nail polish, makeup and partying, which only isolates me even more as the more tomboyish eccentric outsider of the group.
They are fairly nice people in the personal sense, sure, but I don't click with them at all. And if with this kind of attitude these are the people I'm supposed to be forming teams with for the rest of the year, then screw being in this class at all. Not sure yet where I do want to go because there's like zero contact between people from different classes and so I don't really know anyone, but anywhere would be better than here by now.
Can't even hold a decent conversation with any of them for more than thirty seconds before they lose interest, and yet someone from a different class I very vaguely know from some shared classes, and because my class always gossips about how her class is filled with academically excelling stuck up people that never have fun there's never much interaction between the two, struck up an conversation immediately afterward with me, completely unprompted, about the whole situation and I had no trouble keeping it going for a good five minutes. She actually managed to take me completely by surprise, really.
Still, this day sucked very hard for me. Tomorrow I'm discussing my options with the project's lead teacher and my mentor, so I hope it'll lead to a solution to this problem at least.