I don't think you know how hard I laughed when Ashton arrived.
Holy shit. IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou. I will now say: "Damn, I look good" everyday of my life.
I don't think you know how hard I laughed when Ashton arrived.
Holy shit. IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou. I will now say: "Damn, I look good" everyday of my life.
"Let's go, guys!" Ultra Parrot shouted as his allies and Ashton Kutcher grabbed hold of him. "We're going after that Harem!"
"Alright!" Gypsy replied gleefully.
"We're coming!" Ashton Kutcher added annoyingly.
"Why are we flying northwest?" Jay asked.
"Detour," Parrot answered flatly.
[Chapter 9: Something Durian This Way Come]
[Scene 2: Outside the Harem Base]
"We made it!" Foxy panted.
"I'm… coming... Smudgy...," Avalanche heaved with fatigue. "But... first... I need... rest..."
"Fuck you!" Foxy snapped. "If anyone's tired, it's me!"
"Zzzzzzzz."
"..."
[Scene 3: Inside the Base]
"They've arrived," Chrissie confirmed. "Should we kill them?"
"No," Dervish answered. "Master Silence says he'll take those two."
"Can I have some chocolate now?" Sai complained.
"Not yet, dear," Chrissie answered. "We need you to be vicious for us."
"But, chocolate…"
Ignoring the banter amongst his subordinates, Silence silently stepped forward in silence. Like a phantom, he whisked himself from the tower noiselessly, down to the ground below.
"Taking them head on, huh?" Dervish asked. "He's got a real tolerance for tardiness."
[Scene 4: Outside the Base]
Death by Foxy heaved as he came face-to-face with Master Silence. The hooded, silent figure stood silently, waiting for Foxy to make his move.
"So, the leader himself strikes first?" Foxy asked as he conjured a spit of flames. "Give us back Smudge and we'll leave you alone. You got that?"
No answer.
"Do you?"
No answer.
"Is this thing on?"
No answer.
[IGNITION! Rumble in the South Pacific – Battle Outside the Base: Death by Foxy -VS- Master Silence]
[Scene 5: Somewhere over the Pacific]
"We just barely left California, Parrot!" Kenny moaned.
"Yeah, what the hell?" Jay added.
"You should be thanking me!" Parrot snapped back.
"But did we HAVE to?" Gypsy groaned. "I wanted his autograph!"
[Scene 6: Northern California]
Ashton Kutcher crawled away in terror, fighting his broken bones from his plummet from the sky to the mountains below. Unfortunately, the mountain lions pursuing him were a lot faster.
"W-w-w-wait guys!" Ashton Kutcher cried. "D-did I ever tell you I have a thing for cougars?"
I don't think they cared. Hero and RBoar watched the carnage from their helicopter fleet.
"RBoar~~," Hero sang. "I want a pet mountain lion! Can I? Can I? Pwease?"
"Only if we use them to guard our top-secret facilities."
"Awwww…"
[Scene 7: Outside the Base]
"Come on, you!" Foxy whined. "Say something.~~~"
No answer.
"Loserssaywhat?"
No answer.
"Bored now," Foxy sighed, lighting up his fists and going onto the offensive. Silence dodged the attack without effort and threw a punch of his own at his furry opponent, knocking him back a few feet.
"Damn," Foxy shouted through clenched teeth. "He's tough!"
Silence took a step forward, his hand outstretched toward the fox.
"Say something, you creep!" Foxy growled, getting upset. He summoned a large amount of fire and shot it at Silence. Silence walked through it, not feeling a thing. "You really piss me off!" Foxy shouted, visibly pissed off at his opponent.
Foxy directed his attention to the sleeping Avalanche. "You piss me off too!"
I can't use my Two-Tailed Fox Cannon here! We can't afford anymore hiatuses! Foxy struggled internally. But how do I beat an opponent who doesn't even talk? I can't even exchange cheesy dialogue with him! This is bad… [Can Foxy defeat the enigmatic Silence? Or is D.U.R.I.A.N. dead on arrival? Keep tuning in to D.U.R.I.A.N.: The Last Airpollutant!]
Well. I did want his autograph.
I've never liked Ashton Kutcher one bit. This is a frighteningly accurate account of what would have happened in reality. Fox, have you increased the amount of spies you have following my every movement?
The DURIAN crew is getting closer to the action and the Harem of Silence is itching for battle. Anybody want to make predictions on the matchups for the upcoming battles?
We're all going to die no matter what the matchups are. We need something more powerful.
The answer is drugs.
Though I need to be careful. Everything that happens in DURIAN happens in Fairy Tail…
glares at the TIMESKIP I TOTALLY CALLED THAT WAS BETTER THAN FAIRY TAIL'S
Haha, you're keeping chocolate away from me to make me horribly viscous? lol
Never cared for Ashton either~
Matchups? I have no idea. I'm sure it'll be crazy no matter who fights who. But considering I did kinda beat up Nami and Dryish…
Sai-chan, you are an amusing villain. You remind me of Ms. Goldenweek: she just wants to eat and have fun, and nobody really knows why she's a villain, but she's there anyway and might possibly be a tool to hint at the boss's secret past. Ok, not sure if that last bit applies. I have no idea if I'm even going to be showing up in this story anymore, but I sure would love if the two of us met and, in the midst of chaotic, all-out battle, we just sat together on a blanket having a picnic, somehow avoiding the flying projectiles. Everything gets destroyed except our picnic area. :ninja:
(How about it, one more chapter?)
I can't use my Two-Tailed Fox Cannon here! We can't afford anymore hiatuses! Foxy struggled internally. But how do I beat an opponent who doesn't even talk? I can't even exchange cheesy dialogue with him! This is bad… Foxy sighed before clearing his mind: he needed to focus on the enemy in front of him. If he didn't, the D.U.R.I.A.N. crew would be in big trouble.
[Chapter 10: Foxy vs. Silence]
"Who sent you?"
No answer.
"You said it was the landlady? Why would Miss Vanessa want to 'exevict' us?"
No answer.
"Exactly. She wouldn't. You've been twisting this whole thing around nonsensically to fit your evil needs!"
No answer.
"You're really aliens from outer space come to invade our planet, huh?"
No answer.
"Your silence speaks louder than words, extra-terrestrial!"
Silence sighed silently, resisting the urge to break character, but merely charged forward, drawing a black-bladed sword.
"Kurayari…," Foxy answered, because somebody had to tell the audience the sword's name. "So, such a blade really exists."
Silence thrust Kurayari at Foxy, who narrowly dodged the black blade's attack. Even so, he could still feel the dark energy pulsating from the cursed blade.
"I've found your weak point," Foxy grinned, aiming flames at the sword, but Silence pulled the blade back quickly.
Foxy jumped backwards and landed on his feet, taking a battle stance as Silence took his own, sword in hand. "That blade... Kurayari... It's the source of your power, isn't it?"
No answer.
"Charge!" Foxy dashed forward, creating a whirlwind of flame as Silence lunged forward, powered by the dark blade, Kurayari. The steel met flame, irradiating a horrible sound that pierced even the heavens. Sure enough, Foxy's attack struck home, shattering Kurayari to pieces. Yes! That's it! Silence stumbled backwards and fell to the ground, defeated. "Haha!" Foxy cried. "In your-"
Nothing could have prepared him for the sword that impaled through his back. Kurayari is quite a unique blade, isn't it? "You!" Foxy gasped as he began to cough blood. He did not need to turn his back to know that Silence stood behind him. The fading illusion in front of him was enough. "So, you can talk via telepathy?"
Only to those I'm about to kill, the silent man grinned wickedly. Kurayari is a powerful blade, indeed, but to call it the source of my power… You read too many comic books! "What's it to ya?" Foxy spat between forced breaths.
As for our purpose, Silence continued, ignoring Foxy's fight for air. We WERE sent by Miss Vanessa. She grows tired of you and your inability to pay your damn rent. You call yourselves superheroes, but what exactly have you saved? "What… have we saved?" Kitsune repeated before finding resolve. "We've saved lots of things! Like episodes of Boardwalk Empire to the DVR!"
You're an idiot, Silence interrupted. I'm talking about things that matter! What can you ever hope to save? Can you save… life? A piercing scream resonated from the inside of the base. It was enough to stir Avalanche.
"S…Smudgy!..." she gasped, struggling to get up.
Can you save… a friend? Silence grinned, turning toward Avalanche, Kurayari raised.
"Don't touch her!" Foxy growled, rising to his feet, despite his wounds. "Don't touch her!"
It was no use. He feel over backwards as Silence kicked Avalanche in the gut, knocking her out cold. Here, I'll let her sleep as she dies. Silence raised his blade.
"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeey!" a faroff voice shouted.
"Huh?" Foxy moaned, looking to the sky, seeing two silhouettes above him. One flying toward the base, the other falling upon them.
"Yo, Foxy!" the voice, much clearer, shouted. "Gimme a light, will ya?"
What? Silence turned his attention to the sky.
"You got it, Kenny!" Foxy shouted, sending a vortex of flame into the sky.
"Thanks, bud," Kenny grinned as he plummeted from the sky.
[Magical Girl Sequence - Kenny becomes Iron Ventriloquist!]
"Order up!" Ventie screamed, enlarging his trusty frying pan and scooping up Foxy's flames. "One Foxy-Ventie Combo Attack To Go!"
With as much force as he could muster, Ventie swung his frying pan at Silence, knocking the surprised man back several feet into the ocean.
"Yo, Foxy," Ventie grinned, fryng pan in hand. "This jerk's not done, yet. Tag me in, yo!"
"Gladly," Foxy panted, rising to his feet, clenching his wound.
[THE TIDES TURN! Rumble in the South Pacific – Battle Outside the Base: Death by Foxy and Iron Ventriloquist -VS- Master Silence]
"Let's show these punks that messing with D.U.R.I.A.N. was their biggest mistake, yo!" Ventie roared, ready to fight as Silence silently climbed back onto dry land, his eyes brimming with anger.
[Silence is infuriated! Can Foxy and Ventie take him on together or is the Harem Leader simply too much to handle? Find out on the next episode of How I Met Your D.U.R.I.A.N.!]
"Your silence speaks louder than words, extra-terrestrial!"
LOL
(Eh, one more chapter, then I'll stop)
"Yo, Foxy," Ventie grinned, fryng pan in hand. "This jerk's not done, yet. Tag me in, yo!"
"Gladly," Foxy panted, rising to his feet, clenching his wound.
[THE TIDES TURN! Rumble in the South Pacific – Battle Outside the Base: Death by Foxy and Iron Ventriloquist -VS- Master Silence]
"Let's show these punks that messing with D.U.R.I.A.N. was their biggest mistake, yo!" Ventie roared, ready to fight as Silence silently climbed back onto dry land, his eyes brimming with anger.
[Chapter 11: Signal the Counterattack! Desperate Durian Struggle in the South Pacific!]
[Scene 2: Inside the Base]
"They're coming!" Lady Dervish shouted. "Come now, let's retreat into the jungle. We don't want to let loose in the base, do we?"
"No, ma'am!" Sai shouted as her and Chrissie scurried out.
"You're coming with me, boy," Dervish spat at Smudge as she untied him from the wall, but before she could escape, Ultra Parrot crashed through the window with Jay and Gypsy in tow.
"Tch," Dervish responded, tying Smudge back to the wall. "Looks like this can't be helped."
[Cue Magical Girl Transformation Sequence! – Gypsy becomes Narcissista G!]
"Damn, I look good!"
[Cue Magical Girl Transformation Sequence! – Jay becomes Rose Garden!]
"Leave this dominatrix to me!" Rose shouted, brandishing his or her whip. "I'll rescue Smudge. You guys go after the other two."
"Right," Parrot responded as he and G departed.
"You've made a fatal mistake," Dervish growled, brandishing her own whip.
"I'll take my chances, doll," Rose grinned.
[IGNITION! Rumble in the South Pacific – Sexy Battle Outside Smudge's Cell: Rose Garden -VS- Lady Dervish]
[SCENE 3: In the jungle]
"Dammit, they must have gotten away!" Parrot groaned.
"The path splits in two here!" G pointed out.
"You go right, I'll go left!" Parrot decided, taking off to the left.
"Whatever," G rolled her eyes, running to the right as Chrissie watched from the shadows.
"I feel sorry for the one that interrupts Sai-chan's picnic," Chrissie smirked. "I guess the other is my opponent." She ran towards the forked path.
[SCENE 4: Outside the base]
"Yo, Foxy," Ventie noticed. "You don't look so good, yo."
"Don't worry about it," Foxy gasped, clenching his stab wound. "We gotta take care of this clown."
"Yeah," Ventie replied.
"The others…," Foxy struggled to say. "Was that them flying toward the base?"
"Yeah," Ventie answered. "They'll take care of the ladies."
"Oh?"
"Call it our counter-attack, yo!" Ventie grinned.
[SCENE 5: Somewhere in the jungle]
Ultra Parrot hovered over the ground, looking for the fleeing women, but only came across a picnic.
"Why would there be a picnic out here?" Parrot surmised.
"Oh, Mr. Parrot!" a little girl screamed happily. "You made it just in time for lunch!"
"No thanks, I'm not hungry," he answered, not ready to fall for such a childish trap.
"Aww," Sai-chan cried. "Pwetty pwease? I made all this yummy food! There's cupcakes, candies, ice cream, cookies, cakes, and everything!"
"Well, since you put it like that…," Parrot gave in, approaching the picnic table.
"Heh, heh, heh," Sai-chan giggled mischievously.
"Are you okay?"
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" she laughed maniacally.
"Is something wrong?" Parrot asked with worry.
"Mr. Parrot~," Sai-chan sang sweetly, but mischievously. "Wanna know something~?"
"Let me guess," he answered dryly. "This is all a trap and you're gonna kill me now?"
"There's something missing from this little picnic of ours.~"
"Oh, look," Parrot played along monotonously. "We forgot forks."
"No, silly Mr. Parrot~," she grinned a twisted grin.
[IGNITION! Rumble in the South Pacific – Rainbow Battle In the Jungle: Ultra Parrot -VS- Sai-chan]
[SCENE 6: An abandoned shack somewhere in the jungle]
"Hello~", G called out. "Anybody in here?"
"Only the Grim Reaper," Chrissie appeared behind G, cookie chakrams in hand. She tossed one at G, who narrowly dodged the attack.
"Girl, you gonna pay for that!" G remarked angrily.
"The only person paying up is you," Chrissie grinned. "I only accept Visa and your life."
"All I have is MasterCard!" G cried.
"Too bad," Chrissie replied with a lustfully deadly smile. "Time to drop dead, sugar."
"The only think drop dead about me is my looks!"
[IGNITION! Rumble in the South Pacific – Drop Dead Battle in the Abandoned Shack: Narcissista G -VS- Chrissie]
[SCENE 7: Outside the Base]
Silence drew Kurayari once more and prepared his attack.
"Check it!" Ventie grasped his frying pan. "Let's dance, yo!"
[Will D.U.R.I.A.N. stand a chance against their rivals in the heat of battle? What will happen next? Will the author stop writing so many chapters at once? Find out next week on D.U.R.I.A.N. Who!]
You've been writing a lot of chapters today. I approve.
Me in a whip fight with Dervish? Oh lord this cannot end well.
I just wanted to get to this chapter. That little Sai-chan freak out had to be written or else the world would explode.
I'm loving these updates. The freak out made me literally LOL and the matchups are really cool. I can't wait to see how they all play out.
… is it sad that, when I was reading the part with all the sweets, the first thing that came to mind was 'where's the chocolate?' lol
This is gonna be fuuun~ Hehehehehe~
I really like it and all. So much to laugh at.
but but.. am I really just the weakling cat who can't even save her soul mate and is just sleeping ?;__; OH COME ON! That's not fair! I want a fight! Q_Q oh and of course my hun back
Whatever. Kitsu you are wonderful and awesome and legendary.
I really want to draw this whole thing out. If only I had more time…
… is it sad that, when I was reading the part with all the sweets, the first thing that came to mind was 'where's the chocolate?' lol
This is gonna be fuuun~ Hehehehehe~
I think you're gonna need to upgrade your laughing gif to an insane laughing gif.
I think you're gonna need to upgrade your laughing gif to an insane laughing gif.
Hey guys! How about saving me to unlock the chocolate safe?
CHOCoLATE
Ah, I was looking forward to seeing this. Sai-chan is my destined foe, I could not have fought anyone else seriously.. And the fight is taking place in a jungle? This certainly looks promising. grins widely
Yeah. I'm already drawing fanart of this.
Bahahahahaha! This is too awesome! Sai-chan made me laugh out so many times Keep going Foxy! And I DEMAND that Gypsy and I, take our battle to a huge pool of chocolate. 8D
Bahahahahaha! This is too awesome! Sai-chan made me laugh out so many times Keep going Foxy! And I DEMAND that Gypsy and I, take our battle to a huge pool of chocolate. 8D
CHoCOLATECHOCOLATECHOCOLATECHOCOLATECHOCOLATE
Darn it! Now I want some chocolate.
runs off to make brownies
… chocolate?
Well filling said brownies with a substantial amount of chocolate was certainly the intention. Now where are those chocolate chips?
MINE
MIIIIIiIIINE
Silence drew Kurayari once more and prepared his attack.
"Check it!" Ventie grasped his frying pan. "Let's dance, yo!"
"Ventie, I'll leave this to you," Foxy states, still grasping his wound tightly. "I'll be your back-up; don't worry."
"A'ight." Ventie smirked.
[Chapter 12: George R. R. Martin's A Dance with Durians]
[Scene 2: Jungle Battle]
Ultra Parrot took to the air, flying out of Sai-chan's range.
"Awwwww" Sai-chan cried. "Mr. Parrot doesn't wanna play with me?"
"Your idea of fun isn't quite the same as mine," Parrot responded, preparing his attack.
"That's just too bad, isn't it?" Sai-chan grinned devilishly. "How about I show you something interesting?"
[Scene 3: Shack Battle]
"Hold still," Chrissie said softly, just missing G with her cookie chakram. "If you don't, it won't be a clean death."
"Girl, I don't plan on dying, period!" G responded, finally receiving an opening.
"Dammit," Chrissie shouted.
"Heel Strike!" G screamed, planting her ten-inch heel right into Chrissie's face, knocking her backward a few feet. "Damn, that looked good!"
"So, tell me," Chrissie questioned as she rose back to her feet. "The fox can shoot flame, the bird can fly, the hot guy can genderbend, the girl can manipulate water, and the cook can make Tangled references. But you, your powers are unknown to me. You are an enigma. Tell me, before I kill you, what secrets are you hiding?"
"You've been a victim to my power this whole time, honeybee," G replied, striking a pose. "My D.U.R.I.A.N. power is looking fine and sexy!"
"Amusing," Chrissie grinned. "The powers of seduction. An art that I mastered long ago. Unfortunately for you, my lesbian days are long buried in the past. You really should invest in a different power if you plan on taking on any more women in the future."
"Bitch, I look better than you."
"Oh, hell no," Chrissie growled, losing her composure.
[Scene 4: Outside the Base]
Ventie and Silence traded blows, Kurayari unable to overcome the might of Ventie's frypan and vice versa.
"Shit, yo! This fool's got some mad fight in him, yo!"
"Yeah…," Foxy groaned in pain. "He's a tough one."
Before anyone could react, an ear-piercing scream resonated from the tower, distracting Ventie long enough for Silence to land a good punch.
"Sm-Smudgy...?" Avalanche groaned in her sleep.
"Ventie! Are you okay?" Foxy ran to his friend's side.
"Yeah, my grandma punches harder than that, yo!" Ventie rose to his feet.
"It sounds like the others are in trouble," Foxy sighed, turning his attention to the tower.
"Yeah, looks like they need more backup than me, yo."
"But Kenny, I-!"
"Go," Ventie shouted. "I told you, I got this, yo. I can keep this fool busy until the hero shows up, ya feel me?"
"Are you sure?"
"Abso-fuckin'-lutely," Ventie smirked, giving the thumbs up. "Go help the others."
"You got it!"
"Alright, you punk ass!" Kenny growled as Foxy departed. "I gots you now, yo! Ventie's got some fight, outta sight, yo!"
[THE TIDES TURN! Rumble in the South Pacific – Battle Outside the Base: Iron Ventriloquist -VS- Master Silence]
[Scene 5: Inside the base]
"Smudge!" Rose Garden cried in despair, covered in Smudge's blood. "You bitch! How could you do this to him!?"
"What?" Dervish blinked. "You're the one who made me moan that time!"
Yeah, it turns out that Smudge has a nosebleed from hell.
"Oh God, there's blood everywhere!" Rose screamed.
"What kind of orgasm was that, anyway?" Dervish questioned, her ears still ringing from Smudge's scream.
"Don't just stand there!" Rose shouted. "Help me stop the bleeding!"
"With what?" Dervish asked. "Hold up, I got some tampons in my purse."
"So do I!" Rose beamed. "Why didn't I think of that! Dervish, you're a genius!"
Why would he have tampons? [Scene 6: In the jungle [s]the mighty jungle]
"No way," Dryish said in awe, unable to maintain his composure.
"See?" Sai-chan's voice came off-screen, itself warped and extremely demonic. "I told you it'd be interesting, Mr. Parrot. Kehehehehehehehe."
[What's happened with Sai-chan!? Can Dervish and Rose clean up Smudge's mess? And can Ventie handle Silence all by his lonesome? Find out next chapter of Once Upon a Durian!]
… Smudge. lol He's turned into TS!Sanji. oh god haha
... I'm almost afraid of what's happened to me. But horribly curious at the same time. Hmmm
Kitsune I'm now very very gay for you.
le gasp
my own creation used against me
O noes, the Sai-chan rage face image from chapter 11 was broken.
I reuploaded it on a stable server. That image was the lifeblood of that scene, too. Whew~.
So this is what it feels like to be a prominent character
awesome
I'm having a lot of freak outs in this. lol
. . .
. . .
<3 .
Every major character now but one has posted in this thread.
… Ohhh, Dervish~~~?
Right you are Master Silence, right you are~
So this is what it feels like to be a prominent character
awesomeI'm having a lot of freak outs in this. lol
…
Yeah, I got nothing. You're definitely have more screentime here. My version should have cool chocolate joke or two.
What I AM surprised about though is that we both had the idea to model you after Miss Goldenweek.
@Silence:
. . .
. . .
<3 .
Well said you cad.
@Cuddles:
…
Yeah, I got nothing. You're definitely have more screentime here. My version should have cool chocolate joke or two.
What I AM surprised about though is that we both had the idea to model you after Miss Goldenweek.
Hopefully not too much; that wouldn't be fair. :v
I'm surprised that the 'I'm coocoo for cocoa puffs' joke hasn't popped up. Or the spongebob DID YOU SAY CHOCOLATE? one either. lol
Well, I am one of the younger members here, and I did start out as a 13 year old on the forums (has it really been 4 years? time sure flies–), so I guess it's just inevitable. lol
For some reason Kenny's constant "yo"-ing makes me smile.
(One more before bed~ <3)
"No way," Dryish said in awe, unable to maintain his composure.
"See?" Sai-chan's voice came off-screen, itself warped and extremely demonic. "I told you it'd be interesting, Mr. Parrot. Kehehehehehehehe."
Sai-chan's grotesque new form spread its wings, utilizing its breakneck speed to catch Ultra Parrot off guard, knocking him to the ground.
"Mr. Parrot~," Sai cackled venomously. "Aren't we just having a grand old time~?"
[Specimen ID: #SAI-0462
Hours Without Mutation Suppressant: 12
Mutation Progress: Stage 1]
[Episode 13: When A Man Loves a Durian]
[Scene 2: Top-Secret Research Facility, Year 2000]
"This is Specimen #SAI-0462, our project's first success, Dr. Malintex," Nurse Insider reported. "Before the facility adopted her, she had a name, but I'm afraid it's irrelevant."
"Indeed, Nurse Insider," Dr. Malintex confirmed, reading up on #SAI-0462's files. "How long until the mutation suppressant drugs wear off?"
"About 12 hours, sir," Insider reported dutifully.
"Excellent work," the doctor beamed as he opened his blinds. "To think. We are this close to creating superhumans in our lifetime. #SAI-0462 will be a pioneer toward that dream."
"Do I at least get to play outside, doctor?" #SAI-0462 spoke up for the first time. "It's really lonely in here."
"You deserve a playmate," Dr. Malintex agreed. "Insider, pair her up with #VAL-3571."
"Oooh, is he a friend?" #SAI-0462's eyes lit up. "Can we play outside together?"
"Only if you take your Candies with you. And remember to take them on time, or the monster will come back."
"Okay…"
[Scene 3: Jungle Battle]
"What the hell are you?" Parrot asked after retaliating from the transformed Sai-chan's attack.
"I am…," Sai pondered slowly. "...a mistake."
[Scene 4: Top-Secret Reasearch Facility, Year 2000]
"Here you go, #SAI-0462," Nurse Insider led her into her new room. "This is #VAL-3571. Get along well, you two."
#SAI-0462 approached #VAL-3571 shyly after Nurse Insider left. This was her first time meeting another playmate. #VAL-3571 was a couple years older than her, she guessed, but the scowl on his face was filled with hatred.
"I hate girls," the older boy spat. "I told them I didn't wanna see no girls."
"Why don't you like girls?" #SAI-0462 cried.
"Girls have cooties," #VAL-3571 answered. "And they're monsters."
"…"
She waited about five minutes or so before answering.
"You know, when I have my Candies, I'm not a monster."
"Candies?" #VAL-3571 scoffed. "Is that what they call it? Kid, those are nothing but drugs. They give them to you to make sure you don't go crazy on them. Do you want some REAL candy?"
"But Nurse Insider says I shouldn't eat the other special men's Candies..."
"Don't listen to her," #VAL-3571 shrugged. "Or him. Look, kid, those aren't the drugs they give us. This is 'chocolate'. It's real Candy. Nurse Insider gave me some last time I was sick and I was saving it."
"Choco...late?"
"Yeah, try some."
#VAL-3571 handed #SAI-0462 a piece of chocolate. She took it and nibbled it slowly.
"It's really sweet."
"All candy's supposed to be."
"I don't think I like this stuff," she complained.
"Ah, don't worry, kid, you'll get used to it," #VAL-3571 grinned. "Trust me, Big Bro knows what he's talking about."
"Big Bro?"
"Yeah. What? Were you gonna call me #VAL-3571 like the others?"
"I guess not. But what's your real name?"
"Oh... I haven't heard it in a while, but i still remember it..."
[Scene 5: One Month Later]
"Code Aquamarine!" the intercom voice shouted. "I repeat, Code Aquamarine! Specimen #SAI-0462 is on the rampage! I repeat, Specimen #SAI-0462 is on the rampage! Approach with caution! Specimen must not be harmed! I repeat, specimen must not be harmed!"
"Dammit, Insider!" Dr. Malintex bellowed. "You told me she was drugged!"
"I-I'm sorry, sir," Insider mumbled. "I was giving her the drugs, but…"
"But what!?"
"I found them stashed underneath her bed, sir. Next to a bunch of chocolate wrappers."
"CHOCOLATE WRAPPERS!?" Dr. Malintex erupted. "HOW THE FUCK DID SHE GET AHOLD OF THOSE!?"
"I-I'm sorry, sir... Specimen #VAL-3571 was ill, sir. I was giving him chocolate."
"And now look what you've done! #VAL-3571 was practically ripped apart by that monster!"
"Dr. Malintex, with all due respect, those aren't monsters, they're human chil-"
"I don't give a fuck what they are but results!" Malintex's glasses were steaming. "One won't ever be able to walk again, most likely and the other's addicted to a sugary confectionary! You call those superhumans!? I call that a cripple and a spoiled cavity-infested brat!"
"Dr. Malintex, I'm leaving," Insider boomed back with his own sense of justice. "And I'm taking the kids with me."
"Don't you dare walk out on me, Insider! After all we've been through together!"
Insider ran down the hall, looking for her, somewhere. "Sai-chan?" he called. "Sai-chan, where are you?"
"BIG BRO!" the thundering voice cried. "WHY DID I BREAK BIG BRO?"
"Sai, sweetie, it's me, Nurse Insider," Insider called out.
"GO AWAY!" she boomed. "I BROKE BIG BRO AND NOW I'M CRYING! I WANT CHOCOLATE!"
"Chocolate?" Nurse Insider asked. "I've got some chocolate."
Sai-chan revealed herself shyly, in her winged grotesque form. "Really?"
"Yeah, here you go," Insider replied.
To his surprise, after eating the chocolate, Sai-chan reverted to her original form! What a scientific breakthrough! Chocolate has the same suppressant effect as our medication? "Thank you, Nurse Insider," Sai grinned. "Big Bro gave me chocolate all the time, and now I broke him…"
Could it be that something that reminds them of their humanity is the key to retaining it? God, Insider, you've been such a fool. But no longer! Today, I'm taking Sai and Hir- Before either could react, Nurse Insider was shot dead. "That's enough, you ungrateful whore!" Dr. Malintex boomed. "Seize #SAI-0462 and lock her away…!"
Sai-chan had no choice but to cry. The person who cared, the person who gave her a name... was gone.
[Scene 6: Jungle Battle]
"They locked me away and did even more horrible experiments on me," Monster-Sai explained. "As for Big Bro, he miraculously got better but they locked him away from me. That's when Master Silence rescued me and bought me all kinds of chocolate."
"What are you talking about?" Parrot scowled. "There's like, no lead in to that whatsoever."
"Didn't you see the flashback, Mr. Parrot?"
"No."
"I guess it was all in my head… oh well, time to kill you~!" Sai flew into the air. "I get like this when I don't have chocolate, you know!"
"Is that so?" Parrot flew out of the way, and began to charge a wind-blade attack. "Too bad I'm all out!"
"Your funeral!" Sai-chan roared as she attacked, breaking Parrot's concentration, causing him to misfire.
"Dammit!" he fell to the ground as he attack whirled into the sky. I wasted all of my energy for that one attack. "Game over, Mr. Parrot~" Demon Sai cackled. "That's what you get for messing with Master Silence! That's why I'll never lose! I will die for Master Silence!"
[Scene 7: In a helicopter]
"Look at the water, RBoar!" Hero shouted gleefully.
"Fascinated," responded the cynical lawyer. "Why are we flying out here again?"
"I want a pet dolphin!"
"Whatever you say, s-"
RBoar was interrupted by a violent shaking as a wind-blade attack knocked the helicopter off course, plummeting it into a Hershey-Valdez Chocolate Tanker, spilling masses of the environmentally-delicious substance into the Pacific Ocean.
[Scene 8: 2004, Outside the Research Facility]
"So what's your name again?" Chrissie asked as the four Harem members walked away from the explosion.
"Nurse Insider called me Sai-chan," the escaped specimen beamed. "It sounds nice, don't it?"
"Sure does," Chrissie smiled. "Want some chocolate?"
"Oh, do I!"
[Scene 9: Jungle Battle]
"For them," Sai spoke fiercely through tears, her monstrous form giving off a human-like aura. "I will die! That is why this is a battle to the death, Mr. Parrot~!"
[Sai-chan's resolve: Can Ultra Parrot break it? And what of the other battles? The adventure continues next time on D.U.R.I.A.N.: Miami!]
(Excuse me while I go wipe my tears, I get a little emotional sniff)
… what the hell?! I suddenly became Dani from DP I'm a failed experiment and I accidentally killed Hiroy?!
I'm torn between being honored and horrified. lol
I feel like I should comment on the overabundance of Insiders. In the DURIAN universe, Insider is a beloved video game character with different Insiders starring in different games, from the likes of The Legend of Claire: Inside the Past to the more recent The Legend of Claire: Skyward Staff. As each game is a riveting new adventure, developers wanted to make sure a new and refreshing Insider was developed for each installment.
THE MORE YOU KNOW.
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… what the hell?!
I suddenly became Dani from DPI'm a failed experiment and I accidentally killed Hiroy?!
I'm torn between being honored and horrified. lol
Failed? Killed? Nah!
Sorry if the portrayal's rather strange, I kind of wasn't sure where to go with your character and I had to make you more of a threat to Dryish's character. So forgive me if it's a bit… too deep, I guess? I wanted to give your character something worth connecting with.~ And overblown tragic backstories are always fun. But don't worry, we'll see more "Big Bro" soon (Dr. Malintex, however, was killed offscreen during Silence's raid, but I decided to leave that plot point out)
Failed? Killed? Nah!
Sorry if the portrayal's rather strange, I kind of wasn't sure where to go with your character and I had to make you more of a threat to Dryish's character. So forgive me if it's a bit… too deep, I guess? I wanted to give your character something worth connecting with.~ And overblown tragic backstories are always fun. But don't worry, we'll see more "Big Bro" soon (Dr. Malintex, however, was killed offscreen during Silence's raid, but I decided to leave that plot point out)
Oh, no worries–I'm honored to have such a great backstory; I'm just kinda shocked. lol At least now I know I didn't kill 'Big Bro'; that makes it all the better now.
I can't wait to see where this is going~
So I'm having to fight chocolate-loving horned trollish monsters from the depths of hell a research institute yet again? I thought my troll stomping days were long gone already. Oh logic, oh patience, do not fail me now. It would seem I need every single of you grey brain cells to work for me here, or else I must be transferred to the lonely group of.. shiver.. side characters..
The Legend of Claire? That's what I want for Christmas. I was actually really confused when Insider gets shot. Also horrified. Like, for real. I thought this story was all for the lulz but I was surprised at that part because it struck me as kind of gruesome. It's like when I first read that scene in Lear where the dude gets his eye ground out. Completely unexpected.
On a random note, am I the only one wondering if Hero's search for a pet dolphin is going to come true? Or that perhaps he'll mistake BFF for a dolphin and unintentionally rescue her from a deadly game of Monopoly with Sakonsolo? Nah, that's too silly.
Insider's decision to leave with the kids was unintentionally hilarious. I think in some alternate universe, Nurse Insider lives and endures a decade-long custody battle with Dr. Malintex. Not to mention the costly divorce.
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Also, why are you all still reading this? We should be out there spreading awareness about the chocolate spill and its dramatic affect on the environment. (It tastes amazing now!)
I'm still waiting to learn why Jay has tampons.