My ex GF taling to me
youre not hairy… you're european hairy
Untitled
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Jules: What does Marcellus Wallace look like?
Brett: What?
Jules: What country you from?
Brett: What?
Jules: What ain't no country I ever heard of! They speak English in What?
Brett: What?
Jules: ENGLISH, MOTHERFUCKER! DO-YOU-SPEAK-IT?
Brett: Yes!
Jules: Then you know what I'm saying!
Brett: Yes!
Jules: Describe what Marcellus Wallace looks like!
Brett: What, I-?
Jules: [[I]pointing his gun] Say what again. SAY WHAT AGAIN. I dare you, I double dare you, motherfucker. Say what one more goddamn time.
Brett: He's b-b-black…
Jules: Go on.
Brett: He's bald…
Jules: Does he look like a bitch?
Brett: What?
[[I]Jules shoots Brett in shoulder]
Jules: DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BITCH?
Brett: No!
Jules: Then why you try to fuck him like a bitch, Brett?
Brett: I didn't.
Jules: Yes you did. Yes you did, Brett. You tried to fuck him. And Marcellus Wallace don't like to be fucked by anybody, except Mrs. Wallace. -
Memorable Quotes from
"The Boondocks"
A Date with the Health Inspector (2005)Gin Rummy: I always say the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence.
Riley: What?
Gin Rummy: Simply because you don't have evidence that something does exist does not mean you have evidence of something that doesn't exist.
Riley: What?
Gin Rummy: What country are you from?
Riley: What?
Gin Rummy: 'What' ain't no country I ever heard of! They speak English in 'What'?
Riley: What?
Gin Rummy: English, motherfucker! Do you speak it?
Riley: Yeah.
Gin Rummy: So you understand the words I'm saying to you!
Riley: Yeah.
Gin Rummy: Well, what I'm saying is that there are known knowns and known unknowns. But there are also unknown things that we know we don't know.
Riley: What?
Gin Rummy: Say what again! Say what again! I dare you! I double dare you, motherfucker! Say what one more time!
Sarah Dubois: Tom, did you erase all my mp3s?
Tom Dubois: Hey!, file sharing is a crime. And I'm not gonna be anally raped so you can listen to Usher. -
Advance Wars 2
Grit: Where's the fool who wants to help me with Target practice?
Colin: Let me show you the power of money.
Looney Tunes
Foghorn Leghorn: Reminds of the road between Dallas & Fortworth
No Curves.Bugs Bunny: Watch me paste this pathetic palooka with a powerful, paralyzing, perfect pachydermous percussion pitch.
Pulp Fiction
Marcellus: If that m–---------- goes to Indochina I want
a n----- hiding in a bowl of rice ready to pop a cap in his ass.Jules:The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and good will shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
Angry Beavers
Dagget: Uh Okey-Dokey Artichewy (As Norbert)
Norbert: That's Artichokey.
Dagget: I say it's Artichewy and I'm Norb everything I say is alway right.Dagget: S.P.A.W.N (Smashing Property And Whomping Norb)
The Hughleys
Darryl: Bad Things come in three's House Party 3, The Godfather Pt.3,
Hanson.Joanie: What do you say to a black man in a three-piece suit?
Darryl: What?
Joanie: Will the defendant please rise?
Darryl: No you didn't!Mr.Park: (Clucking Like A Chicken to Darryl)
Darryl: Is he calling me a chicken?
Joanie: Well you are what you eatMartin
Gina: You mean to tell me that men don't get scared?
Martin: Only when you miss your periodMartin: So why don't you women like to cook?
Gina: Martin I cook for you
Martin: Hey Hey Hey Cap'n Crunch in a bowl ain't cooking.Martin: (Speaking to Tommy Hearns) Hey I got a new line from Sugar
he said "You the get Hitman".Martin: There's a pizza place about four or five blocks from here
but the only person I know who make it It's the "Abomnible Snow Pam".Stan:See that's the problem with you young people today either you're to sick to work or you're gettin run over by a bus.
Cole: Man that Segal movie was whack
Martin: Yea how you gonna press somebody elbow and they die?Cole: I got me a whole lotta woman
Martin: that's great Cole now all you gotta do is call
Speilberg and tell Big Shirley to haul her big ass back
to Jurassic Park, I mean I heard of Free Willy but
Free Big Shirley.Martin: Stop trying to turn me into a tight bushy(sp)
snob like your fatherGina: Martin my father's not tight he can teach
you a few things lord knows somebody shouldMartin: Please Gina your father's so tight he can
back into a wall and suck out a brick.Gina: Well stop trying to turn me into your mother.
Martin: Please Gina you could never be like my mother.
Gina: You right I can't grow a mustache. -
"The most dangerous man, to any goverment, is the man who is able
to think things out for himself, without reguard to the prevailing
superstitions and taboos. Almost inevitably he comes to the conclusion that the goverment he lives under is dishonest, insane and intolerable, and so, if he is a romantic, he tries to change it. And even if he is not romantic personally he is very apt to spread discontent among those who are."- H.L. Mencken (Smart Set Magazine, December 1919)
-
Denis Leary: Most people think, "Life sucks, and then you die." I disagree. I think life sucks. Then you get cancer. Then you go into chemotherapy. You lose all your hair, you feel bad about yourself. Then all of the sudden the cancer goes into remission, and then all of the sudden you have a stroke. You can't move your right side. And then, maybe, you die.
-
Red Dwarf:
Lister: How long untill impact and we all die a horrible death?
Kryten: About the time it takes to read a stop sign sir.
Cat: oh good! I don't usually get through those in one sitting!Rimmer: This looks bad, ok Kryten, step up to red alert!
Kryten: Are you absolutely sure? It DOES mean changing the bulbHolly: Our enemy is going space crazy through loneliness, the only thing keeping my sanity is my friendship with my collection of singing potatoes.
League of Gentlemen:
Geoff: Oi! Three Bluebirds! Cor, he's deaf him!
Mike: Well, you know what they say Geoff.
Geoff: What?
Mike: mumbles
Geoff: Eh?
Mike: I said mumbles
Geoff: I can't hear yer!
Mike: I said, bummers are deaf!Little Kid: Scuse me sir.
Lance: Yes pal, can I help you? Stag night is it?
Kid: Have you got any fireworks?
Lance: Wait a minute…..are you 18 or over?
Kid: no.........
Lance: GOOD! Always glad to see the young ones interested in explosives.Geoff: Thank goodness things started to go my way ladies and gentlemen, because ten years ago both mine and Mike's mums got very very ill at the same time, thank god mine was ok, BUT YOURS DIED DIDN'T SHE MIKE! I WON THAT! At least I won the Mums!
-
I'm always fond of these two quotes because they're basically true.
"A fool and his money are soon parted"
"Familiarity breed contempt"
This was said by wrestler Jake "the Snake" Roberts when he was a good guy and he found religion (I think he is a minister in real life) When he came back as a bad guy, he said this quote that was badass and wrong at the same time (and I'm embarrassed to like:mellow: )
"The Lord giveth…and he doesn't have the balls to take them back!"
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ME: You learn something new every day. Unless, of course, you lock yourself in the closet and listen to hip-hop music. And even then, you're still learning something: you're learning that you won't learn anything locked in the closet listening to hip-hop all day! Which isn't actually true.
HER: YOU'RE WRONG! YOU MAY LEARN THE LYRICS!
ME: GET YOUR SILLY LOGIC OUTTA HERE!
HER: YOU GO TO HELL!
South Park
Mr. Garrison: Kyle, did you ask Mr. Hat?
Kyle: I don't wanna ask Mr. Hat, I wanna ask YOU!
Mr. Garrison: Kyle!
Kyle: Fine. Mr. Hat, may I please be excused?
Mr. Hat: Well, Kyle…NO! YOU HEAR ME? YOU GO TO HELL! YOU GO TO HELL AND YOU DIE!!
One Piece chapter 400
Franky (to the Straw Hats): I'ma say this once...you guys are downright weird. -
Family Guy
Peter: Cause I'm not afraid of a challenge like that time I outfarted Micheal Moore.
Stewie: Gahhhh I'm A Monster.
Stewie: Um hey Nessa, a bullet sounds the same in every other language so put a sock in it you –---- cow.
Brian: Oh you're one to talk like that time I gave you apple juice and told you it was wine
Stewie - I think you...are a special person....now now now...come on...I'm being...I'm being serious...for...for a second...are...are you gonna listen to me? Are you gonna listen to me...so I...can tell you that I respect you?
Stewie: No, no, no! I don't think so. It's not that I have ideological differences, I'm just not a hat person
Nutty Professor (remake)
Reggie: You mother so fat...She went to sizzler's and the bitch gotta
group discount.Reggie: I bet if you cut his fat ass open he'd bleed chocolate milk.
Reggie: Oh no! no no no no no no no no no, baby no, she got more
extensions to AT&T.Chappelle's Show
Businessman: I'll have a Samuel Jackson.
Samuel Jackson: [shouts] Good motherfucking choice, motherfucker! Samuel Jackson! Made painstakingly by me, Samuel L. Jackson! It'll get ya drunk! You'll be f–---- fat girls in no time! You might even fight a n---- or two! Mmmm-mmm, bitch!
[Jackson walks up to the businessman]
Samuel Jackson: [shouts] How's it taste, mother–----?
Businessman: Could you please stop yelling at me?Samuel Jackson: [shouts] No, I can't stop yelling, 'cause that's how I talk! Haven't you seen my movies? "Juice" That was a good one! "Deep Blue Sea" They ate me! A motherf–---- shark ate me! Drink up, bitch!
Rick James: See, I never just did things just to do them. Come on, what am I gonna do? Just all of a sudden jump up and grind my feet on somebody's couch like it's something to do? Come on. I got a little more sense then that.
Rick James: Yeah, I remember grinding my feet on Eddie's couch.
[rewind and repeat]Silky Jonhston: What can I say about that suit that hasn't already been said about Afghanistan, it looks bommed out and depleted.
Silky Johnston: [looking at a picture of Rosie O Donnell] She wear's underwear with d–k holes in them
Rick James: Charlie! There's a new joke goin' around - have you heard it? What did the five fingers say to the face?
Charlie Murphy: [doesn't understand] What?
Rick James: SLAP!
[He slaps Charlie]Dave - I saw R.Kelly the other day and he was pissed. No punchline to that. Ni–-- was pissed. He was all, "How you go make a video about peeing on somebody?" N----, how could YOU go making a video about peeing on somebody?
Wayne Brady: Brace yourself, nigga!
Man on Street: Oh s---, it's Wayne Brady!
[shoots man with AK47]
Wayne Brady: Riverside, mothafucka!
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Man in Black: All right. Where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right… and who is dead.
Vizzini: But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy's? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Man in Black: You've made your decision then?
Vizzini: Not remotely. Because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows, and Australia is entirely peopled with criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.
Man in Black: Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.
Vizzini: Wait til I get going! Now, where was I?
Man in Black: Australia.
Vizzini: Yes, Australia. And you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Man in Black: You're just stalling now.
Vizzini: You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong, so you could've put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you've also bested my Spaniard, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Man in Black: You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work.
Vizzini: IT HAS WORKED! YOU'VE GIVEN EVERYTHING AWAY! I KNOW WHERE THE POISON IS!
Man in Black: Then make your choice.
Vizzini: I will, and I choose - What in the world can that be?
Vizzini: [[I]Vizzini gestures up and away from the table. Roberts looks. Vizzini swaps the goblets]
Man in Black: What? Where? I don't see anything.
Vizzini: Well, I- I could have sworn I saw something. No matter.First, let's drink. Me from my glass, and you from yours.
Man in Black, Vizzini: [[I]they drink ]
Man in Black: You guessed wrong.
Vizzini: You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha -
Vizzini: [[I]Vizzini stops suddenly, and falls dead to the right]
Buttercup: And to think, all that time it was your cup that was poisoned.
Man in Black: They were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder.Banky: Alright, now see this? This is a four-way road, OK? And dead in the center is a crisp, new, hundred dollar bill. Now, at the end of each of these streets are four people, OK? Are you following?
Holden: Yeah.
Banky: Good. Over here, we have a male-affectionate, easy to get along with, non-political agenda lesbian. Down here, we have a man-hating, angry as fuck, agenda of rage, bitter dyke. Over here, we got Santa Claus, and up here the Easter Bunny. Which one is going to get to the hundred dollar bill first?
Holden: What is this supposed to prove?
Banky: No, I'm serious. This is a serious exercise. It's like an SAT question. Which one is going to get to the hundred dollar bill first? The male-friendly lesbian, the man-hating dyke, Santa Claus, or the Easter bunny?
Holden: The man-hating dyke.
Banky: Good. Why?
Holden: I don't know.
Banky: Because the other three are figments of your fucking imagination!I love this Chasing Amy Quote more than I should
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8 Mile
Mike (Xzibit): Yo I can't believe that I'm hearing all this raving & ranting
from Vanessa up here at The New Detroit Stamping.You need to get your food and take your ass back to work
You dreaming if you think those corny ass raps'll work.And look ya'll standing out here freezing like dumb f–ks
Rapping away for food off this raggedy ass lunch truck.Who Want What?
who pumped up?
To get rolled up
I Spit Venom in every
direction soak some up.Look at this fat n---- youse an ugly mother-------
your pops shoulda wore a rubberStop rhymin keep your dayjob Vanessa
Next time leave that Bull---- at home on the DresserSpeaking of dresses take a look at Paul the fruitcake
When you travel you probably pack panties in your suitcase.Made outta lace from Victoria Secret
If 10 men came in cup you probably drink it.B-Rabbit: Ok folks enough with the gay jokes
especially from a gay broke bitch yourself, eh loc?His style is doo doo. You've worked here longer then me
and I get paid more then you do.Dog, take a seat.
What's this guy standing in line for?
He ain’t got money to eat.Check this out yo yo.
This guy cashed his whole pay check
and bought 1 ho ho.F----- homo little maggot.
You can’t hack it.Paul’s gay ... your a faggot. At least he admits it.
Don’t even risk it. This guys starvin to death
someone get him a biscuit!I don’t know what they told you uh Mike ...
you must've had them cornrolls rolled too tight.This job you wanna quit but you can’t.
You’ve worked at this plant so long ... your a plant.And Look at your goddam boots
for christ sakes they’re starting to grow roots.On this mic you get faded.
You look like a pissed off rapper who never made it.And why you fucking with gay guy G?
when really your the one whos got the HIV.Man I’m done with this clown he’s soft.
F--- it ... I’ll let home girl finish you off. -
mad tv skit- merry christmas you sons of bi#%hes
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[Laharl, Etna, and Flonne all walk into an area within Blair Forest]
[A red character appears on the plateau above]
Red: We've been waiting for you, demons!!
[A blue character appears next to Red]
Blue: When the darkness of evil draws near, we appear out of nowhere!!
[A yellow character appears next to Red]
Yellow: The-3-lights-of-justice-save-the-world-with-courage-and-hope!!
Red: Together…!!
Blue: …we are...!!
Yellow: …the Prism Rangers!!
[Prism Rangers strike a pose as lights glow around them]
[Camera angle shifts to face Laharl as he sulks]
Laharl: …Please, someone normal come out.
[Flonne takes a few steps forward as her eyes turn red]
Flonne: Cool!
[Flonne turns around]
Flonne: Hey, Etna! How about we do our own poses!?
[Etna and Laharl turn to face Flonne]
Etna: You serious?
[Camera angle shifts to face Flonne]
Flonne: You better believe it!
[Flonne turns around to face the Prism Rangers]
Flonne: Um… But, I have a question for you guys.
Red: A question? Go ahead, shoot!
Flonne: You call yourselves "Prism Rangers", but you only have 3 colors. That's
not even enough for a rainbow.Red: Isn't it obvious? We don't have any friends!
Red: Being a hero is a lonely existence!! You got it!?[Etna turns to her right]
Etna: Are you sure there's not another reason why you don't have any friends?
[Laharl steps forward]
Laharl: …You guys are heroes, aren't you? Why would you want to be Overlords?
Red: We want friends, of course! If we become the Overlords, then we'll have
tons of friends!!
Red: And the Prism Rangers will have all the colors of the rainbow!![Prism Rangers strike a pose as they glow in light]
Red: Here we go!! Blue! Yellow! Transfo–----
[Etna flies out from behind Laharl]
Etna: Bang<3
[Etna shoots Blue and Yellow, and both fall to the ground]
Red: Bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuueeeeeeeeee!!!! Yellowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!
Red: This can't be happening! Blue and Yellow have been shot…! I can't
transform on my own...!
Red: Curse you! Shooting before we even have a chance to transform... How
inconsiderate!
Red: Are you demons!?
Etna: Uh huh.[Piano chord strikes as the screen shakes]
Red: Oh my gosh! I completely forgot about that!
Laharl: …Is your helmet on too tight?
Laharl: You should have transformed first, then come out.[Flonne steps forward to face Laharl]
Flonne: That's not how it's supposed to be! A true defender of justice
transforms in front of the enemy![Etna takes a few steps forward]
Etna: …Flonne, which side are you on?
Red: Then I'll just have to play my ace card! The demons I hired will help me![Everyone turns to face Red]
Laharl: Is it okay for a hero to be using demons?
Red: Of course! Justice must never lose, no matter what the means!Red: Blue! Yellow! Your deaths have awakened a burning passion in my heart!
Etna: Uh, I avoided hitting any vital spots, so they should still be alive…
Red: Evil fiends! Are you ready!?
Red: Face the power of justice!![Fade to black]
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Marvel vs Capcom
Spider-Man: One For J.J
Spider-Sense TinglingGambit: Come on Mon Ami
Captain America: Good Work Soldier
Onslaught: Behold My Mighty Hand
The Dream is dead
Know My name and fear it.I'm Gonna Git You Sucka
Kung Fu Joe: So, it's just you 57 cops against KUNG FU JOE? Master of KUNG-FU, KARATE, JIU-JITSU, and all that other shit you ain't never heard of!
Flyguy: My b*tch better have my money/Through rain, sleet, or snow/My Ho better have my money/Not half, not some, but all my cash/'Cause if she don't,/I'm gonna put my foot dead in her ass.
Young hood: How come their guns are so much bigger than ours?
Middle aged hood: It's a phallic thing. I don't know.Hammer: Spade, we ain't heroes no more, We're businessmen!
John Spade: You two big mother–---- in here cookin' red beans and grits - you call that business?
Hammer: Man, you really know how to hurt a guy.The Wayans Bros.
Marlon: Her teeth so spaced out, looks like her tongue in jail.
Shawn: Her face is a knockout.
Marlon: Yeah, look like somebody knocked out all her damn teeth.Shawn: Well if it isn't Markie Mark and The Notorious P.I.G.
Don't Be Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood
Officer Self Hatred(Black guy who hates black people): You ain't so tough now, little n----. I hate your black bastards, you stink! I hate your black skin. I hate your black pants. I hate black pepper. I hate black keys on a piano. I hate my gums, because they're black. I hate Whoopi Goldberg's lips. I hate the back of Forrest Whittaker's neck. Huh? Most of all, I hate that black-ass Wesley Snipes.
Ashtray's cellmate: If you hit a man, in time his wounds will heal. If you steal from a man, you can replace what you've stolen. But always cross in the green, never in between. Because the honorable Elijah Muhammed Ali floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee. And always remember my brother, one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish, knick knack, paddy whack, give a dog a bone, two thousand, zero, zero, party, oops! Out of time, my bacon smellin' fine.
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BUMP
Let's See
Code Monkeys (Yea bring on the hate)
Black Steve: Is it class A? or Class B? stock cause if they're not voting shares they ain't worth s–-.
Jerry: Hondo I can't dig anymore
Hondo: Awww you don't have to dig no more little buddy
Jerry: Really thanks man
Hondo: You can dig or GET SOME!
Jerry: OKAYYYY!Dave:Correction even if you give us all the money we will shoot you in the face that's how crazy we are look at me I'm Alexander Haigs b------.
Jerry:You're all safe he doesn't mean that these guns are made of licorice.
Dave:Shut up Jerry
Jerry: F*** you Dave Me name is Henry Kissenger
Dave:Oh yea well look like Joe I Screwing Everything Up because I Huge
P****The Roast Of Flavor Flav
Jimmy Kimmel: Hey Comedy Central If you wanna stop pollution cancel Mind Of Mencia.
Greg Giraldo(At Katt Williams):You're like Afro sheen some white people have heard of you, but don't know what you do.
Greg Giraldo(At Jeff Ross):Jeff just hosted some ridiculous talent show on ABC
seriously a talent show? where do you get the balls to host a talent show, you running a talent show is like Micheal Vick running the ASPCA.Jeff Ross: Let's face it Flav you set African Americans back 20 years and you've sent Viking Americans back 850 years.
Jeff Ross(At Flavor Flav):Look at you you sold out quicker than the I-Phone
Chris Rock Bigger & Blacker
Chris Rock:Look at Christopher Reeve paralyzed Superman can't walk what kinda sorry ass shit is that Superman Can't walk what's next and Aquaman gonna drown in the tub what kinda injustice is this Superman can't walk The Hulk going get the Gout.
Chris Rock: If you go blind they ain't got shit for you look at Stevie Wonder blind for 40 something years got all the money in the world don't know if
he got 100's or 1's -
“What is the reason? Soon the why and the reason are gone and all that matters is the feeling.
This is the nature of the universe. We struggle against it, we fight to deny it; but it is of course a lie.
Beneath our poised appearance we are completely out of control..”-Merovingian, Matrix Reloaded
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Advance Wars
Hachi: "Shop 'til you drop! Or until I drop you!"
Sensei: "Ha ha ha! You're such the businessman."Javier (Co/Super Power):Charge into the toothy maw! For now is the time for a glorious hindspanking!
Grit (Co/Super Power):I ain't gonna take your guff!
Kanbei: I shall cleave you in twain, with a single blow!
Javier: You are as good as your legend, Sir Kanbei!Duck Dodgers
Dodgers: You are lucky my sword didn't strike you down (maybe incorrect)
Slave: Not with TV-Y7 rating you won't -
Hey Arnold-
Helga: Arnold, you make my girlhood tremble.Helga: I am not riding the subway!
(5 minutes later)
Helga: I can't believe I'm riding the subway!MST3K-
Crow: Joel, I hate movies where the men wear shorter skirts than the women.Crow: (asked what he wants for Christmas) I wanna decide who lives and who dies.
Joel: Oh, I don't know.Joel: What do you think, sirs?
Joel: (imitating the recording artist in Pod People) It stinks!
Servo: SHUT UP! SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!
Henchman: I'M COOOOMING!
Mike: Put a sock in it, Legolas. -
(Charlie and Dennis about to shoot a commercial for Dennis's campaign election. Charlie is holding a camera.)
Charlie: Ok, why don't you get in front of the flag and the million dollar bill there..
Dennis: Do you and my dad share this futon?
Charlie:Looks at futon…No
(Dennis gives a skeptical look.)
C: We got a different situation worked out.
D: What's the situation??
C: It's-I sleep on the- and- do you got the script that I wrote? Grab the script.
D: Been meaning to speak to you about this. (Grabs script.) I can't read these words. They're not in the right order.
C: It's good.
D: I think you might be dyslexic bro, am not reading-
C: No,No,No, please read-
D: I think you might be dyslexic bro-
C: Jus-Just read the script once!
D: Ok you want me to read the script? Alright I'll read the script.
C: ...And action!D: I'll read the words you wrote, " Hello fellow american, this you should vote me. I leave power. Good. Thank you. Thank you. Shot of Charlie recording and mouthing the last "thank you" in unison. If you vote me Im hot." What? "Taxes-they will be lower. sun. The democratic vote for me is right thing to do philadelphia so do."
THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.C: Alright well then just say whatever you want. Charlie looks at his camera twice.
The battery is dead. Hold on, i got to charge it up again. -
Couple of good ones from the ever quotable Btvs.
Buffy: Does it get easier?
Giles: What do you want me to say?
Buffy: Lie to me.
Giles: Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats. We always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.
Buffy: Liar."So I'm wondering, do the other cookie animals feel sort of ripped? Like, is the hippo going, "Hey, man, where are my pants? I have my hippo dignity." And you know, the monkey's just, "I mock you with my monkey pants!" And then there's a big coup in the zoo." – Oz!
Xander: But gee, Mr. White, if Clark and Lois get all the good stories, I'll never be a good reporter.
Giles: Hmm?
Xander: Jimmy Olsen jokes are pretty much gonna be lost on you, huh?
Giles: Sorry. -
Family Guy
Stewie: Jim Henson had at wait and see attitude and look what happened to him now we've got wrong sounding muppets.
Iceman's wife:Where did you go when you went out last night
Iceman:Uh just over to Tom's house played some poker had some brewksis
Iceman's Wife:Really then would you mind explaining that.(Points to Gay Bar)
Iceman:At least they know how to touch a man, ohhhh walk awayStewie:Fine, then, I'll go by myself. See you from the back of my milk carton. Want that on your conscience, Brian? Try explaining this to Lois. You'll wind up in a Dumpster with a bunch of slow, unadoptable greyhounds.
Brian : Don't joke about that! That's like the Holocaust to us!Luke Skywalker (Chris): Uncle Owen, Aunt Bareew! OH MY GOD! [the burned corpses of his aunt and uncle are smoking; Luke looks over] JOHN WILLIAMS!! [John Williams and the London Symphony are also burned up] Great, now we gotta do the rest of this with Danny Elfman. [Danny Elfman begins directing a cheerful song until Luke beheads him with his lightsaber]
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Forgot one from HA:
Helga: You're the load your mama should have swallowed, football head!
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(BUMP)
The USA has cornered the market on stupid, but can we export it?