Ooh, I'm liking this draft. It's a little ambiguous, but I know that's because it's a work in progress. "Elemights" really is a great title, and it instantly conveys to the reader that we are 1. working with a story with fantasy elements and 2. that these elements are, well, elemental in nature. It's a good foot to start the reader off on. The idea itself is also very interesting–just by reading this excerpt, I'm eager to see how these elemental powers work and also the circumstances behind the Queen's death. It's too unfinished right now to critique the plot, but once it's fleshed out a bit, I'm very interested to see how it goes. ^^
As for critique, it's more from a grammatical/punctuation standpoint right now, some things that could maybe be improved upon to add a better sense of pacing. Is this going to be the actual dialog, or is it more of a rough draft? Anyway, for example:
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"Even at the slightest hint of emotion he would jump at him with the rage only the Seas could match."
A comma after "emotion" would help the sentence feel less rushed. Also, I would combine the first small paragraph with the King's warning, there's really no need for a line break there.
While young prince Kendro was only a mere 4 years old
I'd change that to "merely" or "but a mere," sounds a little better.
He remembers the chaos that night, a wooly man with large antlers running thru the palace;
Should be "through." "Woolly" has two "l"s. Also, make that semicolon a comma.
King Arratice Furlocs, a man of tremendous stature and strength for his age;
Make that semicolon a comma.
Suddenly as if coming to the realization of something deeper he turned his hand into pure water and washed his son’s face.
Comma after "suddenly" and "deeper." Better pacing. Also, I'd use a more interesting verb than "turn into." "Dissolved" perhaps?
Your mother’s life is unsalvageable; yours however is only just beginning.
Comma after "yours" and "however."
…..I just need you to promise me one thing Kendro.” the King spoke softly above his son.
Comma after "Kendro."
The little boy, short brown haired that he was;
This sentence feels unwieldy. I would say "The little brown-haired boy," or "The little boy, short brown hair clinging to his face," something like that. Also, comma, not semicolon.
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^ Anyway, those are just some suggestions. I do hope you'll continue with this story, I'm very curious to see the characters and plot develop (which is really only the biggest critique I can give so far, and I know that's because it's in its early stages of development). Keeping working on it, I think it has good bones, so to speak. Good stuff! :D
