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[Bloodfoot]

Work stories, anyone?

I work in a video store with a "back room." Lots of good stories from just that, nevermind the rich old white ladies who still think that black people are all very, very, dangerous.

So here's some back room stories.

One guy only had two dollars when he came up to the desk. So he asks me if he can pay half now and half later. I tell him that he can't do that. He leaves his fap material on the counter - right in front of a mom and her kids - and drives off. Less than twenty minutes later, he's back. He shoves his sweaty, crumpled bills into my hand and trots off.

We stock barnyard fare, apparently. I was nearly sick at that one. Thank God he was the only customer at the time, because after he left I wailed like an infant for a good three minutes or so.

Half hour becore closing, a couple brings their five-year old daughter in. She's dressed in a too-large nightgown, and I was sure she was shoeless. Dad kept her occupied while Mom went to the back. She came back out whith a good sized bulge under her shirt. Oh, come ON, lady. We all know what you've got there. The VHS boxes are super oversized so jackoffasses can't nip anything. She comes up, family following, with Dad holding Daughter in his arms ON LEVEL WITH THE PORN. Somehwo, he keeps her distracted through the whole transaction.

And this is all for $5.35 an hour.

[Carly]

Oh jesus. Here we go.

I'm a waitress, $8.35 an hour. It's at this local sports bar - which I'm only allowed to even WORK in before 9:00pm 'cause obviously alcohol is served there - but while I prolly make it sound raunchy when I talk about it it's usually not this crazy Hooters-esque joint. Kinda more like an Applebee's or a Red Robin but a little more hardcore. Anyway.

Some days I'll come home with a lot of tips and I'll think 'you know what, this isn't so bad after all' but most of the time I come home after getting groped/pinched/leered/drinks spilled on crotch/chewed out for not getting your GODDAMN ONION ROSE OUT WITHIN A MINUTE YOU UNREASONABLE THIRTYSOMETHING PTA MOTHER/bitched at because they wanted lettuce on the side and you can't be arsed to LIFT UP YOUR BUN AND TAKE THE DAMN THING OFF

Pfah. Anyway what really, really kills me is when these huge guys come rumbling in. We're talking like Don Vito or Phil from Viva La Bam or something. They'll come in, order the fattiest steak on the menu with two side orders of fries, a bowl of mashed potatoes with globby gravy and onion rings and a goddamn BUCKET of supreme nachos… and then they'll order a Diet Coke. Because they're watching their weight.

It makes me want to stab things.

[oceanizer]

All the employments prior to the current one I have were being a waiter in cancer hospital's guest cafe and a post office. (That was back in high school.)

… Nothing adventurous there .__. I got paid for 790 yen for cafe, 850 yen for hospital o.o Or somewhere around there.

[terri]

Although I don't work, I've got a story about a friend who works at the place that turned me down coughbastards. <_<

Anyways the place he works at is a telemarkting research company so ppl that work there get bitched a lot. Well my friend ends up calling this one guy and introduces himself and the purpose of him calling. The guy on the other line just interrupts him and says 'you know what? I like to masturbate' hoping that would just scare my friend away. but instead my friend just replies,"Really sir? I do too." in a sarcastic tone. then the guy on the other line just hung up on him. -_- he was just lucky his supervisor wasn't listening in on his line =T.

it's really a crappy place to work at, but hte pay's pretty good, I think about $8.50 - $9 dollars an hour and you get bonuses if you complete a survey.

[Quazo]

I've got a horror story for ya. The place: grocery store. The time: 5 minutes into an 8 1/2 hour shift…...on super bowl sunday. Anyway, I'm bagging groceries for about five minutes when I'm called over to the service desk. The lady behind the desk leans in real close and says, "I need you to go do a cleanup over by the meat department." Okay. Sure, that's fine. I've cleaned up stuff before. But then she leans in even closer and says, "Somebody took a shit on the floor." Of course, the first words out of my mouth are "oh hell no" but she begged me to clean it up. So I take a styrofoam plate and a wad of paper towels (a wad that was about as big as my head) and clean it up, run to the bathroom and shove it in the trashcan. After that, I washed my hands with a rediculous amount of soap, then I walked back to the service counter and the only thing I could think of saying was "YOU OWE ME!"

[ooshi78]

a funny story from when i worked summer camp…

i told a group of third grader a joke when i was bored... it was:

a chicken and a dicfor were having a race, which is faster?

i had those kids asking me "what's a dick for??" for the day. so funny... still brings a tear to my eye when i think about it.

ooshi78

[normyk]

Most of my adventures are from summer jobs during college. Had a whole lot of the restaurant thing going on until my junior and senior years.

At the steak house where my first job was there was a big case full of bad meat that they just cooked and served anyway. Damn was it ripe - I couldn't believe the stink. The place was later closed for health violations (shock!).

At the Rally's (fast food burgers) I worked at there were these two kids they hired who would just steal food all day - like ten burgers a shift! Didn't take long for them to get axed. All the products are accounted for there. I just don't know why they thought they could get away with it.

At the bank I worked at a teller took a few thousand dollars home at lunch. This killed me, she was a great person and in the end she broke down crying and confessed and returned the money. I was shocked, I just couldn't believe that she had done it. She was a really nice person and I loved working with her.

At the Sister's Chicken I worked at one summer we were filtering the fry oil and my friend kicked the hose and it popped out spraying boiling hot oil all over my feet. That was fun.

Favorite one:
I was selling souvenirs at Ameriflora (a big flower festival kind of thing) and I got to work and they told me I had to go work the cart at the south entrance to the conservatory because the guy that had been working there had a heat stroke. It was just turning noon and one guy had already had a heat stroke and I was supposed to work out there all afternoon through the hottest part of the day. Nice.

[Buccaneer]

Funny stuff, Bloodfoot. Reminds me of Ali Davis.

Anyway, I've had one job. At Burger King. I felt like quitting when they made me wear the stupid crown (they ran out of the little caps), but I got…."faded" off when they found out I had no identification. 2 days before I was supposed to get a copy of my birth certificate. Go me.

I'm gonna have to do community service, though. I'd be the luckiest guy in the world if I can get my hours at Bally's.

[Son Conan]

I go to a private college, so there's a group of people whose job it is to call former students and ask for donations. I worked there my first year of college, and two calls of particular interest:

-I called a more recent graduate, but got his mother instead. She, in turn, kept me on the line for about 40 minutes, rambling about voting (it was near Election Day). It was extremely surreal, and I was wondering whether she was drunk or senile.

-One place I called, an Indian (he had a Hindi accent) picked up, and didn't seem to know what I was talking about. He put the phone down, apparently to get someone. Suddenly, this older Indian gets on and screams at me: "THIS GUY MOVED OUT YEARS AGO, QUIT CALLING US!" and then hung up.

[Konis]

Sheesh… the idiots I encounter on my job seem so boring compared to some of this o_O

Okay, I guess there's been a couple bits of fun for me... I'm a courier for Fedex, so basically, I drive around for 5 hours picking up packages from various businesses and scanning everything in about 10 drop boxes.

To date, I think my favourites are...

This guy came up to me at one of the boxes, asking if I had a moment while he prepared an envelope for me.. I said sure. All he had was the item he wanted to ship, so I handed him an envelope, an airbill, and an airbill pouch. I told him, "Just put the letter in the envelope, fill out the airbill, and use the pouch to secure it to the envelope." Simple, isn't it? He meandered off and I went back to scanning. 5 minutes later, he walked up, tossed the envelope into one of the buckets I had, and left. I picked it up and eyeballed it, the dolt had put the airbill pouch OVER the airbill, rather then putting the airbill into the pouch and sticking it to the envelope. I can't scan the airbill if the top copy is stuck to it >_< I sighed and tossed it in the "These packages were prepared by idiots" bucket.

I also get the envelopes where the airbill is inside them, so all I can do is look through the clear sheet to see, yes, I can't scan it. >.>

I had one costumer also demand to know why their package was sitting in Memphis for two days when they were shipping it to Kentucky. I kinda stared at them, eyes glazed over... apparently, couriers are supposed to be psychic. I knew why it was in Memphis, everything goes through the Memphis World Hub pretty much.. but hell if I knew why it was "sitting there".

I love my job though, I really can't complain too much o.o

I had more horror stories from when I was a checker/sorter, before I moved to being a courier. We had a box of live lobsters break open on one of the conveyor belts. People were screaming and running... come on, guys they're LOBSTERS.. they're not gonna attack you. Later on, the box rewrap people were performing a puppet show with them on the rewrap table. >_>

Another time a full box of live crickets got crushed in one of the shipping cans... the girl who was unloading the boxes in that can could be heard across the whole input area... screaming...

[Ranier]

We cater to the rich. Imagine a dry cleaning bill of 1000-2000 dollars a month. And that's when they're not feeling particularly extravagant. The napkins you see on their dining tables? Dry clean. One tiny square of cloth probably costs them 40 dollar a piece, and to clean will take an extra 5-6 dollars each. What a rip off, you say. Yeah, but we're good. And they can pay. ^^

The downside? Our job is to clean, and that means dealing with dirt. Any kind of dirt, but usually it's the worst kind. Human dirt. Ranging from the pesky obligatory pasta sauce ("Bruno, my purebred golden retriever, insisted on finishing my dinner!") to the horrendous ones ("Umm, sir? I think you're wetting our floor with your piss. Do you want to take your pants off now? Oh, and there's the restroom.")

Loads of fun. Every Saturday we have an Evil Customer Pageant. During the week, we noted the customers who are especially difficult to handle and we tally their scores on the sixth day. The winners are always the old faces; the old biddies in red, shapeless dresses who drive pink cadillacs, dye their hair red, and bark like there is no tomorrow. There's also the Customer Beauty Pageant.

Overheard:
"I can't believe she's 60!"
"Neither can I, and I want her plastic surgeon's name."

"Where are your children going to do for their Summer break?"
"Oh, we were thinking of spending some time around Europe. But I guess the whole family will just have to settle for Aspen since my husband has to get back soon."

What's not to love? Nevermind that the cost of cleaning a square napkin can buy me a decent lunch at the nearby Chinese take out. Or that it's half of my hourly wage. No, no. It's the dynamic of these customers that makes all of it truly wonderful.

Sir, do you notice that I just stapled my thumb? And now you want me to bring your eighteen pieces of garment to your darn car? Excuse me, but I'd rather not. There's a steel stuck inside my flesh, thank you very much.

Sir? Would you please stop looking at your car every f'n minute? Nobody's gonna steal the Mercedes. Now, did you just say wash instead of dry clean? You do realize that it's the same price, don't you? That doesn't matter? Oka–Sir, really. Look at me for a sec, here. Your car is fine. How many shirts do you have? Sir!! YOUR CAR IS STILL THERE!!

Ma'am, did you just threaten to sue me if I put a pin on your mini skirts? You did. Oh, dear. You're not gonna like hearing this ma'am, but my manager thinks you're a bitch. Have a nice day.

<33

[Bloodfoot]

Originally posted by Buccaneer@Jun 9 2005, 02:47 PM
**Funny stuff, Bloodfoot. Reminds me of Ali Davis.

Anyway, I've had one job. At Burger King. I felt like quitting when they made me wear the stupid crown (they ran out of the little caps), but I got…."faded" off when they found out I had no identification. 2 days before I was supposed to get a copy of my birth certificate. Go me.**

That journal is a third of the reason I signed up for the job, actually.

They stiffed you for ID? Damn. I did a stint at McDonald's; saw that happen too many times. And most of them were good kids.

Oh yeah, I got "faded" too. Nine month mark, first raise. I was screwy the week my grandfather passed away, so the yappy, terrier-like manager in charge of keeping track of employment called called me "unstable" and that was that. I earned $5.15 an hour, the whole 9 months. It's just as well; I had to leave for Europe less than a month later. And the other girls on front treated me like crap for being white and "smart."

[Paulie]

The worst I had to deal with was the fact I was the youngest person working at my place by ten years…

Oh, yeah... I work at an on-campus college Einstein's (you know, a bagel place) when we suddenly get a swarm of people... literally from nobody in there to a line going out the door... apparantly the main food lounge closed down and sent everybody there our way... that was fun....

[agentginrei]

Heh… I like hearing people's work stories, they can be so interesting... gives you a whole new outlook on human nature. Anyways, most of my work stories are pretty gross. Here's a couple...

I used to work at an SPCA, and since this other girl and I were the only ones willing or able to do the horrible jobs, we always got stuck with them. (Which is how I became a euthanasia tech, everyone else was too wussy for the job.) For example, there was a stray sheep that had been caught and brought in. This thing had some NASTY wool rot going on, complete with maggots. She and I were 'volunteered' to shave it down. As I was holding the sheep, I could hear the maggots eating it. And I won't even bother going into the whole lot o' fun of being hunted down by pit bulls... sigh I'm so glad I don't work there anymore.

My other exciting work story... I was working at a local department/food store. Reporting to work at 8 am for an 8 hour shift. My mom drops me off, and I see everyone standing outside, with fire trucks and ambulances around. I'm like, what the hell? So I ask a few people (it took me a while to find someone who knew what happened) and I find out that an electrician was working on something and got electrocuted. 3rd degree burns over about 80 percent of his body. After a while, they let us in. Most people were made to dust off merchandise, there was a ton of dirt on everything from the fire. I got the super fun job of guarding one of the back doors, which they had open for ventilation. The stench was unbelieveable. And still, a few hours later, they were open for business. All in all, a most interesting day.