i went to the store to buy a candle holder but they were sold out, so i bought a cake
Arlong Park Humor Thread.
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ducks eat for free at subway
had i known that, i would have ordered a much heavier sandwich
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what the fuck is a sesame?
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tony-kun you'll always be cool in my heart
:wub::wub::wub:
Icon is twice as annoying since its command is spelled "wub".
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hope you're okay with polygamy and anal
its gonna be a wild night -
what the fuck is a sesame?
i saw this wino eating grapes and i was like
dude
you have to wait
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i saw this wino eating grapes and i was like
dude
you have to wait
whats your name
bob
get the fuck away
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if 13 is an unlucky number, then 12 and 14 are guilty by association
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Guys, I only saw his standup on Comedy Central Presents…
Am I still cool?
(slappy the frog)
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Guys, I only saw his standup on Comedy Central Presents…
Am I still cool?
(slappy the frog)
no, his name is smackie, learn your shit
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goddamn it, i just realized that about four seconds ago and I was about to edit
i am ashamed
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Guys, I only saw his standup on Comedy Central Presents…
Am I still cool?
(slappy the frog)
no
but frogs are ALWAYS cool
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no
but frogs are ALWAYS cool
hey heres comes that frog
alright
maybe i can put him in a jar, with a stick and a leaf, to recreate whats hes used to
and ill be sure to put some holes in the lid cos hes damn sure used to air -
there won't be much going on in his 16 ounce world
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Never saw more than one of his skits and loved him.
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dammit otto, you have lupus
its mitch hedberg night at arlong park, ladies and gentlemen
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i want to be a racecar passenger, just a guy who bugs the driver
can i turn on the radio
why we gotta keep goin in circles
you should slow down
man
you really like tide
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hey look at that dead guy
lets go that way
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I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut; I don't need a receipt for a doughnut. I'll give you the money, you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We do not need to bring ink and paper into this. i just cannot imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut.
Trying to work my way back up to being funny
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i got a do not disturb sign for my door, they should change it to DON'T, its been do not for too long, its time to embrace the contraction
do not psyches you out
DO
alright i can disturb this guyNOT
SHIT I HAVE TO READ FASTER
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its easy to name kitchen appliances
refridgerator, toaster
just take what it does and add erwhats this thing do
it makes stuff fresh
well thats a fresher
im goin on break
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because of acid, I now know that butter is way better than margarine. I saw through the bullshit.
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you know crazy straws, they go all over the place?
these fuckers are sane that fucker who goes all over the place? he's CRAZY
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two easy payments and one fuckin complicated payment
the mailman will be shot, the envelope will not seal, and the stamp will be in the wrong denomination
good luck, fucker
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i like to get reese's candy, now, reese's candy, it's an apostrophy S. That means it belongs to him, see, i didn't know that
if some guy named reese comes up to and says hey give me that, you better hand it over
oh sorry reese i didnt think i would run into you
you're a fucking bully reese
let me at least have a piece
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i tried to walk into target, but i missed
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i dont have a microwave
but i have a clock that occasionally cooks shit
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i havent slept for ten days because that would be too long
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i had a mister pibb, and its supposed to be a replica of dr pepper, but its the bullshit replica because the dude didnt even get his degree
WHYD YOU HAVE TO DROP OUT AND START MAKIN POP SO SOON
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a minibar is a machine that makes everything expensive
i try to replace the stuff but they make it impossible to find
do you have coke in a glass harmonica?
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i dont wanna be on the cover of a wheaties box, i wanna be on the cover of a rice krispie's box
rice krispies, snap, crackle, mitch and pop
HOW THE FUCK DID HE DO THAT
hey in hollywood its about who you know, and i know crackle
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im against picketing, but i dont know how to show it
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i think we should only get three honks per month on car horns, people honk their horns too much
then when someone cuts you off, youll be like SHIT, I WISH I HADNT SEEN RICKY ON THE SIDEWALK
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THAT TREE IS FAR AWAY
this could go on forever
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next time im on a boat and it capsizes, i will reach for a lime
i am saved by the buoyancy of citrus
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so yeah.
carter's forum.
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YOU RUINED IT
I HATE YOU GET OUT OF MY HOUSE .
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you said there would be jokes eggman
actually goddamn i am tired too
i blame the jews
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Wow, that was pretty awesome.
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When racial humor is funny.
0cGGDiB89MA&
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!
Long live Mitch.
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@Sandai:
When racial humor is funny.
0cGGDiB89MA&
NNNNNNNNNNNNNRRRRRRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHH!
Jeff Ross' roast was much better.
–eYbc4w0xE
Greg Giraldo wasn't bad either:
R9lbYMtG2y4
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Didn't know I was the only one who like that.
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@Komrade:
http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd30/tehbonesmith/brawlfail.gif
On one of the Super Smash videos on YT, for Diddy Kong he just flies around and falls off the screen.
There was much lmao at that video.
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Embedding was disabled.
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That Mitch hedberg stuff was claaaaasssssic. Why'd it have to stop? (rhetorical question)
That guys delivery is made of gold, everyone should tell jokes like that.
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Remember that March 30th is Mitch Hedberg day.