This has absolutely nothing to do with Scott Pilgrim vs the World. It is neither a parody, nor a fictional story inspired by it. This is a pile of reviews/rants/crap/comments made comically and truthfully by me.
SPOILERS HAVE BEEN STATED JUST IN CASE
Insider2000 vs Kick Ass (MASSIVE SPOILERS)
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Being one of my last movies before the school semester begins, I felt that I was putting this on too much of a pedestal. I put Juno on pedestal. I still don't know why, but I did. Big mistake.
But deep down inside, I knew I was going to like this movie. I knew that I was going to like David/Kick Ass despite his stupidity. I knew that I was going to adore Hit Girl regardless of her already existing popularity. I knew that I was going to like Big Daddy despite the fact that I'm not the biggest fan of most of Nic Cage's movies. However, I had low expectations for Red Mist.
Now seeing the movie, I'm so glad I did. The movie went EXACTLY as I predicted. I knew exactly what was going to happen. For me, this movie was insanely predictable…..and I loved every damn minute of it.
I KNEW Big Daddy was going to kick the bucket. I knew Red Mist would end up being a villain. I knew chick-what's-her-face would wind up screwing David/Kick Ass regardless of the fact that he is both Kick Ass and not gay. Okay maybe I didn't count on Kick Ass getting stabbed and hit by a car, but that was certainly interesting...
Either way, this movie surprised me. I've never loved Nic Cage in a movie as much as I did in this one. It's insane that a man who always plays roles that I end up hating (Johnny Blaze, loony toon in Wickerman, himself in National Treasure) wound up becoming a character that I absolutely adored.
And Hit Girl was, of course, awesome. But that goes without saying. However, I want to mention that her emotional reaction to her father's death was perfect. She never left character, even when her heart was broken. She cried, but there was rage behind the tears. PERFECT! THANK YOU!
And Red Mist....my God...Christopher Mintz-Plasse....the amount of times he has been used and abused in movies... For me, he's my equivalent of Michael Cera. Yeah, he was funny in Superbad, but people are running the joke a little too often....But he was GREAT in this movie! He was a good kid, and I often felt bad for him. He wasn't a SUPER NERD or comletely disgusting. He was just a kid of a criminal who was lost and confused.
And then, of course, David or Kick Ass himself. I know a lot of people felt he didn't do much...but that's just it. The movie is his realization of the flaws of being a superhero and the value of one's own life. If you look in comparison, Big Daddy's only reason to live was his daughter. When he was at death's door, he was fine as long as his little girl could pick up the pieces of her life. The entire movie is realizing that your life isn't meaningless. Once you face the stare of death, you tend to realize that.
One thing that MADE this movie for me. Believe it or not, it's a song. It's not "Bad Reputation", though I love that song, or any of the bad ass songs they had. It was this one.
! _Y9yfMW1y4o
I don't know why, but when I hear this song, I just feel endless emotions, and it creeps me out. This is a freaking comedy/action flick about a kid stupidly becoming a superhero, and yet it has a soundtrack that should be used for an epic superhero movie.
You know in movies or in TV shows when people have that face of tearful 'oh my god'. Their hands cover their mouth and nose and tears flood their eyes, but not in sadness but in amazement. Like "I know the meaning of life, and it's wonderful" or "I can see into forever, and I don't want to look back". That's what I feel with this song. And it's completely stupid, because it's in like two minutes of the flick and the DVD menu.
Now, I love this movie, but I'm not going to be one of those insane people saying, "the movie/Chloe Grace Moretz deserves on Oscar". This isn't that kind of movie for me. What this movie represents is something every movie needs: EFFORT! These people fucking tried, and succeeded. Why other comic book movies can't be this good? I don't know. I really don't have an answer. I haven't seen Scott Pilgrim, and I really don't think Spiderman 2 was a good as people say. Batman movies don't count. Unless you're a complete idiot, it's hard to screw up Batman.
Damn, I'm going to only have 7 hours of sleep for my first day of class, which I'll be there from 9 to 6. Oh, why am I bitching, I do that all that time with only five hours of sleep. Wednesday, I need to buy a shit load of songs cause of this movie…..along with "Always".
Winner: Kick Ass is better than Insider2000. By like 12000 miles…
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Insider2000 vs After.Life (MASSIVE SPOILERS)
! This is a movie, I'm not willing to call it a horror or thriller movie, that I watched shortly after Kick Ass. It stars Christina Ricci, Justin Long, and Liam Neeson. Shamefully, I like all these people (actually, there's no shame in liking Neeson). However, let me give you a short review to save your time and money from both me and this review.
! AHEM
! Ricci: Hi, honey.
Long: Sweetie, I love you….
Ricci: I CAN'T LISTEN TO YOU BECAUSE I'M HAVING RANDOMLY ILLOGICAL PMS DISORDER.
! RIPMSD is a serious problem. Please, make sure to avoid being stupid at all costs, especially when suffering from PMS.
! Long: You're not making any sense. I'm saying I want to marry you!
Ricci: NO! YOU'RE LEAVING ME! I KNOW IT! I'M GOING TO GET IN MY CAR, DRIVE AWAY, AND DIE FROM A RANDOM CAR ACCIDENT!
and she does just that
Long: Well that's unfortunate.
! Ricci: Where am I?
Neeson: Oh hi. I'm Liam Neeson, and I'm a funeral director. I'm just going to clean you up and yank out your organs.
Ricci: Why?
Neeson: Cause you're dead.
Ricci: No I'm not!
Neeson: Yes, you are.
Ricci: No I'm not!
Neeson: Yes, you are.
Ricci: No I'm not!
Neeson: Yes, you are.
Ricci: No I'm not!
Neeson: Yes, you are. WAIT! You're mother is here to check on you.
Ricci: Let me show how alive I am by still being dead on this table.
Ricci's mother: Blah blah blah, I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch, I leave...
! Neeson: Wow. You're Mom's a bitch! Also, you need to accept the fact that you are dead.
Ricci: But I'm not dead!
Neeson: Yes, you are.
Ricci: No I'm not!
Neeson: Yes, you are.
Ricci: No I'm not!
Neeson: Yes, you are.
Ricci: No I'm not!
Neeson: Yes, you are. Wait. You're boyfriend is here.
Long: BUY A MAC! Also, my sad cause she's dead.
Neeson: That's great. By the way, Ricci, you're dead.
Ricci: Than how can I talk to you.
Neeson: Because I have powers that allow me to speak to the dead before the soul leaves the body.
Ricci: Oh.........but I'm still not dead.
Neeson: Yes, you are.
Ricci: No I'm not!
Neeson: Yes, you are.
Ricci: I just broke all your shit. How does that feel?
Neeson: Not good, but you're still dead.
Ricci: No I'm not!
Neeson: Yes, you are.
! Little boy: Why is my teacher dead?
Neeson: Shut up, little boy. You serve little purpose other than being creepy.
Little boy: But I can see dead people just like you!
Neeson: So can I, and I'm not that fucking creepy. I'm Liam Neeson. How about that kid?
! Ricci: Hey, Neeson! I still don't accept my death.
Neeson: Whatever.
Long: I'm going to save Ricci, buy a Mac, and die in the process!
! Long: Where am I?
Neeson: You are dead.
Long: No I'm not!
Neeson: Fuck you all. You can all die for all I care.
! bum dumb tish
! THE END
! Seriously, the most boring "Am I really dead" movie I've ever seen in my life.
! Winner: This movie sucks, but it's on par with Insider2000 simply because Liam Neeson is awesome and Christina Ricci shows her boobs a few times for the pedophiles out there. Insider2000 = After.Life.
! Wait…..Ricci isn't a minor!?! SHE'S THAT OLD? What deal did she make with the devil?
! The next thing you'll tell me is that Bernedette Peters is still alive and awesome......NO SHIT? REALLY? I love that woman!