[hide]@Greg:
Final Fantasy 13
Every decade or so a video game comes along that redefines a genre. Taking elements we’ve grown to love over the years, it twists the gameplay in ways that excite and amaze us via mechanics that display the result of input-derived calculations and random 0 and 1 generations that, displayed on our screens, give way to a euphoric experience.
Final Fantasy 13 is the unmitigated opposite of such a game.
This trend began when Square-Enix dabbled in the online market with FF11 when online was still missing mainstream. They continued by branding the 12th installment, a return to offline play, with MMORPG-inspired gameplay that wrestled the choice of tasks as simple as ‘Cure’ from the player and passed them to a series of algorithmic equations as determined by Japanese men and women in cubicles. The option to control each individual was still present, but it required cycling through playable characters and ultimately relinquishing control of actions to a machine. This resulted in more than one occasion where Japanese men and women in cubicles controlling my Balthier via AI thought it better to cast Cure on a lead character with reasonably high life, instead of reviving my actual acting White Mage who could easily have restored everyone. This resulted in my death. I experienced a similar scenario no less than 6 times through the game. While that might not sound like a lot, it’s not fun when the length of battles has been exorbitantly expanded and dying mid-way through a 15 minute battle is indeed a 9.8 on the Controller Breakability scale.
But, at very least, the blame could plausibly be placed on me as I didn’t think to switch to manual control over said character. However, in previous offline titles, such an occurrence wouldn’t even be conceivably possibly as the player, not Japanese men and women in cubicles, were given absolute control of all characters, essentially taking their….’role’. Yes, imagine that, in of all things, a role-playing game.
If I wanted to throw a fire skean at a Bomb at any moment in battle with my ninja, by God I could. And after I healed that fiery ball of gas, I could select a series of deadly attacks or techniques that I conceived of on my own and kill that beast myself. Is it the most effective way? Perhaps not, but it was entirely my choice. I controlled the action.
Final Fantasy 13 presents the death of assuming the ‘role’ in a role-playing game.
There is so much I want to ferociously and ruthlessly tear apart in this game. But if I do then I’d be labeled a ‘h8r’. My opinion ‘wouldn’t matter’ and anyone that enjoyed the game would be offended, as if I was pissing on their opinion. If you enjoyed the game, I have nothing against you. This review isn’t ‘My Review of John Doe’s Opinion of the Game That I Think is Shitting on Everything Sacred Square Was’ it’s how I feel about the game. There is only one source that deserves spite, and that’s Famitsu. Whether they realize it or not, they and the scores they produce, are singlehandedly destroying the genre by rewarding the Square-Enix. Square-Enix is willing to do what gamers want, but not if trusted sources that have the ability to sell games reward them with scores that will influence buyers.
The pages of Famitsu would best be put to use as a maxipad.
“Maybe they enjoyed the game as something unique!”
Kingdom Hearts is unique. Bouncer is unique. Einhander is unique. Dew Prism is unique. Bushido Blade is unique. All classics? Maybe not, but it was variety they explored while leaving the main series untouched. Instead of creating a plethora of less visually impressive but entertaining exploratory titles as they did with Playstation and Playstation 2, Square-Enix has instead shifted to putting those exploratory titles under the Final Fantasy brand and shifting the mechanics of the series that made the series a success, into the backseat.
Proof of this is the absurd frequency with which themes from past games were plastered onto locations and characters in the game, as if to say, “No seriously guys look! This town is called Palompolum! Isn’t that awesome? Almost like from FF4!” As if to say they don’t have faith in their own product to the extent that they can create a title without reminding us of how many good memories we have of their past titles.
So, Final Fantasy 13.
Story
The moment the game ‘opened up’ (for the record the game never opened up, it simply gave us one large mostly empty screen) is actually the moment the last threads of narrative that I enjoyed, fell apart. The first portion of the game spent on Cocoon was interesting if not borderline gripping at times. Sure, the most realistic character in the game pulling a typical anime breakdown scene was absurd and out of character culminating in a near suicide attempt that was laughable when compared to similar scenes from past titles, but I could swallow even that. Showing us the events leading up to the beginning of the game LOST-style was interesting but ultimately pointless. Everyone watched the fireworks together.
Deep.
Where was the explanation of how mild-mannered jail-bait Serah(phim get it?) happened to wander into the centuries old sealed gigantic structure towering over the nearby town? Or what she experienced within the confines of said structure? You’ll only find out if you purchase the Japanese novel to find out. Typically this kind of information is given in the game proper. Not spreading out across multiple mediums and receipts.
Every character’s flashback could have been explained in one concise prologue and the story wouldn’t have suffered. But instead they spread a thin story across 20 hours of gameplay. In the end, the biggest character-altering information we found out exclusively from a flashback was that Sazh’s son was a l’cie.
“Oh come on! What about how Vanille and Snow were actually from Gran Pulse!?”
Seriously?
Everyone on Cocoon: “We all hate Pulse and that’s the education we received in school and every living human here hates Pulse.”
Vanille: “You really don’t like Pulse do you?”Mayhap Vanille and the other woman that talks exactly like her are from Pulse.
The moment Fang reveals it to Lightning there’s a fighter plane burst in the air that’s supposed to fill in as an aural ‘DO~N!’ scrolled across the screen in Japanese comic style. Sad that the game thought it was fooling anyone by that point.
So much data and so many characters are introduced in the game that quickly fade away without ever being important, interesting or even surprising. Not least of which were Dysley’s two lackeys who were borrowed directly from any 90’s anime and relegated so far to the backseat they were in the trunk without ever so much as showing a glint of originality or ferocity.
The presentation though, is a different beast entirely. The structured flashback approach and the switching party leaders to become acquainted with every last character was a champion choice. This way you’ve been forced not only to play with, but lead the party with every main character. That was incredible. Kudos to the scenario designer who wrangled that. But as your party reaches Gran Pulse, it all becomes irrelevant.
Destroy Cocoon. Save Cocoon. Kill Orphan. Don’t Kill Orphan. Become Ragnarok. Don’t become Ragnarok.
Dysley wants them to accomplish their Focus and he realizes this by…beating the shit out of them and killing them? As a boss, he can, and does, literally kill you. So he wants to kill us so we can live to accomplish his goal?
What?
Orphan was ’born’ to be killed and accepts this but in order to aid this he casts Doom on the party and attacks us as if to kill us?
WHAT!?
40 hours of the game are pointless. After they became l’cie, all characters had to do was kill Orphan, then turn into Ragnarok and save Cocoon. Not to mention everyone else in the party besides Fang and Vanille were, by the time the end boss rears its head, irrelevant. They were flowers that decorated the only two people that mattered to plot progression. If Fang simply did what she originally set out to do the game would have been over and through. But no, she learns how to fight to ‘change fate’; and they ‘change fate’ by ‘accepting fate’, to kill Orphan. In the opening movie we simply see them share, “The power of love!”, by using Ragnarok ‘for good instead of evil’.
I had my fill of Sailor Moon in 1994.
Music
Walking down the street heading home on a lonely night in winter or on a warm sunny day in spring I’ll find myself whistling synthesized tunes from over a decade ago. How is it that with the power of a full orchestra and composers able to express music in video games precisely as they hear it in their heads, that we haven’t had even a single memorable tune from the past two Final Fantasy titles?
Hum a tune from FF13. I dare you. You can’t. Not a note of emotion or inspiration in any of them. They all sound the same and they all put me to sleep. And this has been an issue for two titles now. Fearing I might be deprived of sleep I intentionally went to bed early and when I woke up, after clearing the fairy dust from my eyes, I attempted a short level grind on Pulse. I’ll be damned if I didn’t fall asleep with the controller in my hands after, judging from the Crystarium progress I made, about fifteen minutes. Give me a melody. Give me something to get excited about. Give me something to get me pumped up for a boss!
Can someone explain how a company with a composer that produced this
as boss music and go to this
Yes! Please game! More! Please give me repeating percussion interlaced with piano bar tricks and harp! Please! That would get me ever so excited!
And listen to this. I want you to hear this. You won’t recognize the first 13 seconds but this is a version of the battle theme Flash:
Who in their right mind would listen to this and think, “Well it’s good! The violins are great! I’m sure players will want to listen to the string instrument most unappealing to the eardrum several thousand times over during 50 hours, but those first 13 seconds, I mean what the hell? We don’t want to over-stimulate gamers here!”How did this happen folks. Yeah Uematsu left Square. It’s not hard to hire his services. But I’m not even so ‘hardcore old-school’ that my panties get in a knot when I hear he isn’t composing. Yeah, his work is some of the best. But it doesn’t need to be him. There are many other talented individuals out there who can expand on what he’s done but no. Piano and violins. Don’t get me wrong, they can be awesome when properly employed, but what you’ve heard in the past two Final Fantasy games is no different from what you might hear in any dime-a-dozen RPG from a third company.
And if the forest stage that we take Vanille and Sazh through isn’t proof that lyrics shouldn’t be anywhere near background music in the field of an RPG, I don’t know what is. Is it nice music? Despite being a narcolept’s worst nightmare, it’s a decent tune, but lyrics on endless repeat are enough to drive any patient gamer up the wall, let alone people around them.
And final boss music? Traditionally the pinnacle of the game score aside from the main theme. I beat the game yesterday and can’t remember it.
As for the theme by some American singer. I really don’t care what the main theme is so long as it fits the title. I’ve grown far beyond the “J4P4N353 15 B3TT3R” phase of my life and don’t care. However, the reasoning behind the change was explained as thus:
Kitase also explained the reason they used different theme song in the foreign version of FFXIII, it was a new "tactic" or experiment if you will. When Square Enix tried to translate the Japanese theme song Kimi Ga Iru Kara to English, the singer had difficulties with it and they came up with the solution to use a different song that matches the atmosphere of the game content.
That’s what I call a no-talent singer. Note how professionally Angela Aki did 12’s theme. Now I hate 12 like a cancerous mole, but she did an incredible job with the song in both English and Japanese and with no complaint. Unlike Utada who moaned and groaned about how hard it was to work on Kingdom Hearts. My heart goes out to you on your throne of money Utada.
Graphics
Un-freaking-believable. There are times just swinging the camera around Lightning made me want to forgive everything. But no. And three sentences are enough to cover exactly how important graphics are.
Design
Obviously a lot of design work was put into a number of areas in the game, particularly those with large structures in the background that were somehow intricately constructed polygon figures that ever-so-slightly changed size and shape as the camera swung around. The tower on Gran Pulse in particular was remarkable. No idea how they did that so beautifully. It actually felt like you were there looking around.
The variety of weapons was fantastic. Too bad I only saw/used about two for each character since it was such a hassle to upgrade anything.
Creatures were neat and the palette switches (because that’s what they were folks) didn’t feel totally cheap but by the time you saw the 20th variation on a panther-like creature, I was hoping that maybe they could have spent some of those YEARS of development time on a cast of truly diverse creatures.
Eidolons were horrific. Is that Nomura’s doing? I’ve gotta know. Because they REEK of Yasumi Matsuno aka Mr. ‘Elongated Extremities and Xeroxed Sets of Flowery Armor Make for SUPER-COOL Things’! Give me indomitable ancient beasts of fury and sweat, not Bahamut as a set of humanoid armor with freakish French tips. And no secret Eidolon? Really? No Voltroning all of them together to form something cool?
Gameplay
No matter how furious this might sound, please understand I am holding back with all my willpower so that there’s some semblance of honest criticism and not just full-on Alec Baldwining this pathetic system into a pile of goo.
Say what I might about the story. Bitch and moan as I might about the music, drone on about design, the game loses everything in the gameplay department.
Literally, everything.
I’ve heard some complaints regarding the paucity of battle animations. The battle animations are incredible. Imagine my surprise seeing Fang perform her first 5-bar attack string as she PULLS APART HER STAFF NUN-CHUCK STYLE! Woah! A long way from the days of slicing air repeatedly with a slightly different slash noise and effect. So the animations are amazing. But…all I’m doing is pressing X.
For 50 hours.
All I did was press X.
For FIFTY hours.
Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Change Paradigm to Heal Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Change Paradigm to Attack Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle
Change Paradigm to Heal Auto Battle Auto Battle Change Paradigm to Attack
Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto Battle Auto BattleBATTLE OVER!
Repeat 2,374 times.
I mean forget about not controlling other characters. That’s a SNAFU in its own right but they make controlling the one person whose decisions you determine, boring to boot?
“But you see the system is designed around speed.”
There’s no reason for it to be! This is not God of War! It’s Final Fantasy! Do you realize just HOW cool it would have been if the battle system was slowed down, they removed the Stagger bull, they took hit-points back to reasonable levels and gave us control over everyone? The game would have been incredible! It actually hurt to see how beautiful the game was in motion with all those attacks flying around knowing that the choices I made dictated maybe 15% of what was actually happening onscreen.
The game really didn’t need me.
Well it did in a way. I just had to keep selecting Auto Battle. Then it could decide what actions the character I controlled would take.
Of course there’s the option of selecting abilities right? But by the time you finish navigating the horrific ‘menu’ (A CURSOR WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE) your AI characters are off smoking weed in a corner while a Behemoth rapes you and even if you do manage to beat it, you get a crappy rating because you spent too much time trying to manage the actions.
It’s so bad!
How could they be satisfied with this? What exactly about the game took them so long? I kept struggling with this thought as I dragged myself through the second half. Then you’ve got the director saying purely stupid shit. The kind of stuff that Hitler would hold off on because it might offend some people.
"In order to allow the player to become absorbed in the drama of the storytelling and the new and exciting world of Cocoon and be drawn to the characters without getting distracted or lost we have deliberately used a linear game design for the introduction sections…”
By ‘introduction sections’ he means first 25 hours. And getting ‘distracted’ or ‘lost’? What a condescending prick! Yeah sorry, when we wandered around a forest in past titles, we were just stupid, getting lost and whatnot. God I hated getting lost and distracted in places like forests or castles and towns. How about you guys?
“…so they can be enjoyed in the same manner as watching a film."
If I wanted to watch a movie, I’d WATCH A MOVIE.
"I make a promise that even if you have never played a Final Fantasy game, or even an RPG before then you will still be able to appreciate FFXIII with no difficulty."
This asshole is a world-class bullshit artist. No difficulty? NO DIFFICULTY!? This has to be the first FF title where I was regularly killed by field enemies! And don’t get me started on the bosses that demanded specific strategies (well, strategies that depended on 15% input from the player). My wife can’t handle Chrono Trigger and when she held the controller in her hands fighting enemies during the first area, she literally did NOT know what was going on let alone what to do. And this is before the Paradigm crap came into play.
“Your wife’s stupid dude.”
Yeah your mom. Whether she’s RPG savvy or not has nothing to do with it, the director is so full of shit it’s mind-numbing.
Then he comes out with this nugget:
"I call it a bento box system, where you have all of the different little things in there. So we had minigames or towns were you were able to talk to all of the townspeople.”
Idiot. Does this man realize what he’s saying. In defending his product he’s talking about a past title as a bento box. JAPANESE PEOPLE LOVE BENTO BOXES!!! What does that make this game? A soggy convenient store hamburger? Does he know what he’s saying?
“But with the HD console you're not really able to do that because it takes so long to develop,"
Well, Sir, how about pulling back some of the OMIGOD HD GRAFFIX and giving us a solid game?
The next time you see a Final Fantasy, we might be able to pack in more of those elements that existed in the past. And I also think that a game doesn't need to have all of those items in the future. We can create additional downloadable content for people to add, too. It doesn't have to come with that game itself."
This is what the translator said. My own translation goes, “Fuck Final Fantasy fans. You’ll play our games how we want you to play them.”
When asked if the team should have striven to improve elements such as towns, rather than cut them, Toriyama laughed and said "You can wait longer for the game where we can improve those elements!"
Are you reading this? I hope you’re reading this. Someone actually said that. Someone said we can fuck off and wait for hell to freeze over for a full product and should be happy what they graced us with.
Said Producer Kitase:
“Yes, Western RPGs are more about freedom. But Final Fantasy is a different sort of game. It is much more akin to watching a movie, where you appreciate the world and are immersed deeply in the story. You get to experience dramatic moments and big events. In that sense, the concept of FFXIII is much more like a first person shooter such as Call of Duty.”
Wow.
By the way, if you’re interested in what they (The Producer and Director of FF13) consider ‘Western RPGs’ take a gander:
http://kotaku.com/5493933/final-fantasy-directors-take-on-western-vs-japanese-rpgsSo, will there be a Final Fantasy XIII-2? The men laugh and begin to answer very diplomatically: “That depends on how well the game sells in the West!”
Just to clear the bullshit out of that vitriol-laced comment, he’s telling Japan vicariously through a foreign news source, “Blame the foreigners if you like this game and it doesn’t get a sequel. Not us. Because our game is awesome.”
And now The Top 10 Bullshit Things of FF13! I’ve held back until now and this is my reward.
10. Violins- They’re everywhere and they sound like shit.
9. Hit-Points- The hit-points mean literally nothing. Having the numbers flash on screen is just another facet they included to lure gamers into believing they’re playing something familiar. When a field enemy has 387,974 hit points, I’m not going to sit there calculating shit. And either way, it’s impossible! With so much going on at once, you can’t even read half the numbers! They’re just there for show. The only thing you need is the life bar but they probably didn’t want to change things TOO drastically right?
8. TP- Hmmm, 5 TP huh. Through the entire game? No way to level that up? No? Okay. Useless shit. Oh and how about making Dispelga and Quake TP. What a brilliant choice of balance there.
“Well let’s see. I could use Dispelga to take off a Status from the enemy that would instantly be replaced OR I could save TP for Renew to save my ass when the useless AI cures the one person that doesn’t need curing.”
7. Sazh’s Breakdown- The FUCK!? You take the coolest character in the game and force him to act like a 12-year old by even entertaining the idea of aiming his gun at Vanille??? My God Square-Enix! How far you’ve fallen.
6. The game NEVER ‘opens up’- The game gives us one, ONE, big screen to explore. And after you dash across it, it’s right back to straight tunnels, caves and towers.
5. 20 minute boss battles THAT SUCK- I’ve tried to avoid comparing the title directly to past FF series. I know I did it a few times but that was only where it was unavoidable. I’m about to do it here again. In past titles, if you fought a boss when you were underdeveloped, it was something of a skill or honor to be able to survive a lengthy boss battle and come out victorious. This is the only game in the series that DIRECTLY punishes the gamer for being underdeveloped. In any battle with Barthandelus, if you take more than 15-20 minutes he casts Doom on you and there’s shit you can do about it. So wait game. Because I was actually able to use my 15% influence to my advantage against impossible odds and fought tooth and nail for 15 minutes, YOU’RE GOING TO END IT ALL WITH A FUCKING DOOM SPELL!!!!???? THIS FOLKS, IS ENOUGH TO DEEM THE GAME WORTHLESS ALL BY ITSELF.
4. Party leader dies, everyone dies- Brilliant choice. Really fantastic. You know, it wouldn’t hurt if they did it against EVERY party member but no. If Lighting dies in a party with two FUCKING FANTASTIC MEDICS she’s gone. No Raise for you. Genius. GENIUS!
3. Eidolons- I used Shiva once because the game forced me to. I used Odin 4-5 times (to no avail). Yep. That’s about it. Worthless hunks of game memory. In those 4-5 times I summoned Odin, he couldn’t even kill field enemies.
A SUMMON COULD NOT KILL WORTHLESS FIELD ENEMIES.
You suck game. You took the fun out of summons! And what’s with the transforming bullcrap if they don’t even turn into anything awesome by the end! Being a FF series, I was so certain there’d be a sidequest that involved getting all summons to join together.
NOPE! They’re just there to look absurd and be completely useless.
HOW DO YOU MAKE SUMMONS SUCK!? HOW!?
2. Paradigm System- I’m not gonna talk about the AI, just the system. I kept one party for 90% of the game once everyone was available to me. Why? I WANTED to use everyone! Really! Even Snow! But what did changing party members mean? IT MEANT RESETTING THE GODDAMN PARADIGMS!!!!!!!!!!!!! GEE THAT’S REALLY FUN AFTER THE FIRST 400 TIMES!!!! MAYBE A SAVE FUNCTION WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE HUH!? Worthless developers!!!
1.5 (Because I had to fit it in) Stagger System- Kill me. Just kill me now. This is the first Final Fantasy game where the fight doesn’t actually start until you meet the same requirements for eeeeeeeeeevery battle. Eeeeeeeeeevery battle you have to use a combo of Relentless Assault and or Mystic Tower to get someone into stagger, THEN you can actually fight ie. take away life.
I would love to have sat in on that staff meeting.
“Right so, we thought it would be fun if you couldn’t actually injure anything. You’ve gotta replicate the same pattern in every fight in the game until you can even hope to damage enemies. Even normal field enemies.”
“That’s amazing! Gamers will love to spend hours whittling away at TWO bars every battle instead of just one!”
“Yeah and when the excruciating battle is over, let’s not reward them very much either!”
“Ooh! I likes!”
Fuckin’ morons suck a cock.
1. AI- Here we go.
Part 1. Commando & Commando
Try something. Make a Paradigm with two Commandos. Now fight a group of enemies. You’ve worked hard on these Commandos right? You tweaked their highly limited and unnecessarily complex stats just so that they could rape the ever-livin’ out of an enemy right? Go ahead and hit that Auto-Battle and watch ‘em go at it!
Wait….what’s this??? The Commandos, they’re attacking…DIFFERENT ENEMIES!!!??? NO! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO ATTACK ONE ENEMY!!!! NO GODDAMN YOU GAME!!!! YOU FUCKING AI!!!!!!!
Part 2. Commando & Sentinel & Medic
Okay I’m controlling a Commando so I’m gonna go in and whup that staggered Behemoth! Here I go! OOPH! Oh shit! I’ve been Hurled! I’ve got like 1,000 hit points! Medic! Heal me! I’m the party leader I’m gonna die if the Behemoth does a Thundara so plea….NO!!!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!!!!??? WHY ARE YOU HEALING THE SENTINEL! THEY’VE GOT LIKE 3,000 HIT POINTS WHAT THE SHIT ARE YOU HEALING THEM FOR!!!! OH MAN I’M NEVER GONNA MAKE IT! I BETTER USE A POTION! OH SHIT, I DIDN’T MEAN THE CHANGE PARADIGMS! NOW I’M GODDAMN RELENTLESS ASSAULT! POTION POTION, THERE IT IS! NOW I JUST HAVE T-………….
GO FUCK YOURSELF GAME
Final Fantasy is dead. I’ve sent a letter to Square-Enix and informed them that I won’t be purchasing any further products as they continue to warp the series like this.
If you agreed with anything I had to say, I urge you to do the same. I don’t expect it to be some ‘ONLINE PETITION DERP’ but when something this atrocious gets praised for no reason in media and reviews, it can only mean MORE is coming.
If you ever enjoyed a main Final Fantasy title and ever want to play more, you owe it to yourself to send in a letter.[/hide]
Epic review, I agree with everything that was said, barring the graphics everything was crap.
I didn't even know I had problems with certain aspects of the game until you highlighted them, like the music…. I miss the old boss theme.