@Oddball:
For everyone on here, I just want to say best luck to all of you. Anxiety and depression are a bitch to deal with.
Now here's my little confession.
! In the past month, I lost two of my best friends. Friend 1 unfriended me on Discord without warning and Friend 2 blocked me on Twitter because of something I carelessly said out of anger. Every day is getting harder and harder without them. I tried to get in contact with both of them to see what happened and tried to make amends, but nothing. These past several weeks, I've been struggling to focus on anything or listen to people talk. It's gotten too easy to drown people out when they talk to me, and it's becoming a problem. It's gotten even harder for me to understand basic instructions, because I'm focusing too much on that as well as other personal problems in my life. I've been a wreck without my two friends and neither of them want to woman up and talk to me. I knew Friend 1 on Facebook for three years and I've known Friend 2 since junior high. Neither of them know each other, but they both used to refer to me as their "sister from another mister." This whole weekend, I've been crying my eyes out thinking about them. I have a bad habit of bottling up my emotions until they just come out when least expected.
! I'm sorry if this rant is unorganized as I'm in a hurry to go somewhere, but advice is welcome.
If it makes you feel any better, I have lost many friends for many different reasons whether it be my fault or not.
It might feel sad at times, but the time you are living now is nothing but a fart in the wind, you WILL eventually get over it and make new friends. Everyone always does.
–- Update From New Post Merge ---
@Bond:
…I need a place to let everything out. I'm out of options.
! My life is a wreck. I broke up with the girl of my dreams due to an emotional outburst, and months later, I thought to reconcile with her only to realise that she's found another person. And he's clearly better than me in every way I can think of, and he's much more capable of keeping her happy, and she's still very understanding and supportive of me because she's the nicest, most kind-hearted girl in the world and I threw her away due to overwhelming self-loathing. I can't blame anyone but myself, this misery I feel is a result of my own actions.
! I can't share my sadness with my friends either, and it's not because I haven't tried. Everyone I talk to about this feels awkward, they're not used to seeing me so frantically emotional. They don't know what to do or what to say and start staying away from me because they're afraid of making things worse, and I don't blame them. Every time I look back on how I've been talking to people, I see myself just seething with sorrow and hate for my own self, and I understand why people have been staying away. Nobody wants to talk to someone like that. I've run out of people I can talk to. I'm losing my friends because I don't know how to fucking deal with my own stupid feelings. They say when you show your true self, that's when you'll know who your true friends are, but what if I don't have any true friends? I don't want to be alone. Even if they're just regular friends, I don't want them to leave me.
! And the worst part is that logical side of my brain. It's telling me that this is a stupid problem to get worked up about. There are people out there facing and struggling with problems much worse than my own, why am I breaking down over a little relationship trouble? I'm just a weak ass self-centered coward who can't even kill himself because he's afraid to die. I shouldn't be feeling so depressed. The fact that I am means my priorities aren't right. So what if I'm alone? It's better than causing other people discomfort by pouring out all your emotions onto them. Stop bothering them. They shouldn't have to carry your burdens. Nobody wants that kind of friend. Nobody wants you.
! I want to die but I'm too afraid to do it.
! I don't know what to do.
I feel your pain, it's happened to me multiple times where I really really get into someone and I like them for it to only not workout. The more I think of those times and those people and look at how many other people I've met and shared memories with since then, it gives me confidence that even if something doesn't go right with someone, there is always someone else.
I hated it when people told me this, but time really does move on AND there really are a lot of fish in the sea.
I'm a person that gets attached quite quickly, but the best way to get over something like this is to not see that person again, get rid of any social media, delete any pictures and messages that you have on your phone and get rid of things that might make you think of that person.
DO NOT read through messages in the past and think of what you had, you will only come to hurt yourself and create a reality that doesn't exist in your mind.
It might be really hard to do at first, but it honestly does work. With all things, it takes time. Trust me I've been through this many times. If it happens again with someone else, think of what I said and you will gradually build up tolerance, self-respect and the power to get over someone.