Posts made by piratemarimo

Just as I'm in the process of job hunting of COURSE I get really sick. god. I don't know how to ax this cold quickly because whenever I get sick it always lasts for a LONG time. I'm frustrated because it's hard enough job hunting without being half-delirious and coughing my lungs out. Plus it is looking like I'm being landed with the less preferable of jobs since I couldn't find any alternatives that I have a chance at right now. I told myself 'I'll just turn down this job and find something else more relevant' but look what that got me. I mean, at least it's not returning to my first job, but still. I have these convictions I can't follow through on because I'm just not skilled enough to be choosy about my own life. regardless, I can't start working until I recover from this infernal cold. not to mention I've been putting off things I need to get done.

The Daily Show's gotten several new correspondents in the time I've not been watching. No thoughts on the new guy, but I'm sure it'll be fine. I'm sure there were people who doubted Jon when he first took over, but it worked out great. I've sort of been tuning into it again lately. Larry's show is alright, but I definitely feel they should just cut down on the first half of the show or get rid of it altogether. The panelists and 'keeping it 100' is the best part of the show, but they consistently have to cut people off because they're running out of time.

@Outerspec:

! I'm glad to hear about your brother and dad. I do remember you mentioning something about your brother some time back but I don't remember any particulars. Anyway, it's good to hear your relationship isn't as strained anymore. Things got better. As for your friends you don't have to dump them completely of course. Just find someone you can relate to better and spend time with them. Sometimes all it really takes is one person to be a true friend to turn everything around. I'm no expert on just randomly finding friends so I can't really give advice there but a coworker is a good place to start.
! And I know that feeling of feeling tired and wiped almost every day. Coming home everyday and just feeling tired of…where I am in life right now. I have a likeable job but I've always seen it as temporary. It's not something I want to carry on doing for much longer. I mean, I like the job and all but I feel so stagnant in it. Like it's just a short stop and I've been here for a little bit too long already, but it's looking a little difficult to start on my career just this second so I have to hold it off just a little bit longer because I have to take care of some personal business first.
! What a lot of people who need to save money do is find a house with shared living space and rent. You know, find a place where you share rent with other housemates. That way you can move out, gain that independence, get into the "real world", pay for your own stuff, and ultimately gain a whole bunch of experience without the added pressure of doing it all on your own. Of curse you'll be responsible for your own rent but it's only a portion of the overall cost which is a ton better than paying for everything yourself. The independence gained is a lot more than living with your parents, where I currently am and looking for a place, and it might not be the "full independent experience" but it is pretty much almost there. Moving out is a big step towards independence and I think for your situation finding a room to rent out in a house should be an option to look into. If you do though do a lot of research on neighborhood and take a tour of the residence. Meeting your housemates and going over the rules and conducts of the house before signing any kind of papers are must too. Duh, obvious stuff but you wouldn't believe how many people make these mistakes…
! Have you ever thought about being an English teacher? Or is that one of the jobs you would hate to do? I know some English teachers write on the side on top of the school work they do/grade. Whatever job your mom is helping you to get it doesn't make it permanent. Just do the job as long as it helps until you find something you want to do. Until then it's better to have a job than nothing unless you feel it's going to interfere with your real job hunt or writing.

! one of my friends from college actually brought up finding an apartment someplace, but idk how good we'd be living together in the long-term. but as of now it's probably still a possibility, though I have no clue how that would pan out until I know more about my job situation too. on the plus side, I hear some crazy stories about people making rent arrangements a pain, but I do at least trust her not to screw me over or do illegal stuff etc. that would get other roommates in trouble.
! you know it's really funny in a way that you mention that. that is like literally the top five of 'questions you should never ask me'. but hey, this whole situation right now is full of irony. the job my mom was referring me to is sort of related to teaching, just for younger kids. ALSO I literally just got an email back from a reading tutors thing. which. like… of the three company/organizations that I didn't expect to hear back from, all three of them have pretty much contacted me in this month. so now I'm kind of freaking out cuz I am so close to accepting this job, but the tutor thing is more up my alley possibly. the pay/benefits differ obviously, and they are both full-time but one's temporary/limited service time and the other could be indefinite... there's so many factors I have to consider. If I hadn't bothered negotiating, I might have had to turn down this interview, although technically it COULD be possible to do both at the same time, except I just don't know at this stage what the hours would be and such. both are kind of related to teaching kids but like I guess different focus/age groups?? Which path will I take? what will this all lead to? if anything this makes me more antsy. neither one is necessarily the 'wrong' choice but the me of right now isn't sure which of these could lead to 'happiness'. It's all pretty much coming down to the choices that I'll end up making in this week. I have a lot to think about as is without this curveball unexpectedly showing up. @___@

@Outerspec:

[hide]

Well, there are 2 ways to let go of a feeling like worthlessness. You have to either overcome it with an even stronger and more positive emotion (self - realization that you're indeed not worthless) or let is pass on its own but it takes time which there is no definite framework for. It all depends on the severity of this particular feeling. If you have feelings of worthlessness because you go along with what everyone else says/does and you feel you're right a lot of the time then problem isn't just a lack of confidence but also the people you're following. If you feel the people you're associating with are constantly wrong or doing things you don't agree with then the very best course of action is finding a new group. At least then, even if you do continue to just follow, you'll be in sync with the group and following something you agree with and it'll cause a lot less stress on you. Once you find yourself in agreement with others, if you have a lack of confidence, it'll help you speak up more without fear of rebuke because chances of you being ignored or dismissed are lessened due to the fact that more than likely they'll be with you 100% of the way. Speaking up anywhere and in any situation with people will build confidence and help prepare you for speaking up in front of others, even those who might not agree with you. I'm not saying surround yourself with a bunch of Yes Men and clones but rather people you're not disagreeing with so many times to the point where you feel like you have no confidence left.

Of course, if they're family members or classmates…the first one you just have to live with and accept that even family have their differences and I hope that the love you all share can help you all work through those differences. The second one is easier in that you don't have to associate with classmates (same for family I guess) or follow them unless it's something like a group project.

I see I don't need to tell you how millions of people around the world only "seem" like they're doing better than they actually are but really everyone is going through their very own unique personal shit. Does that make you feel better? Maybe not but the realization helps you ignore the stupid comments like anxiety and depression have an "on/off switch". If that were true millions of people would have figured that out by now and not suffer from anxiety and depression. So that's a +1 for you girl. Now, there are different levels of depression as not everyone with

What year are you? I didn't figure out what I really wanted to do until Junior year and had to stay an extra semester because, whoops, turns out Civil Engineering was not my thing. What a waste. Some people don't have any of it figured out into the very last minute. Some peiople figure it out after graduating, but they do figure it out. It's not a pretty option but the point is it is an option. You're not going down a hopelessly lost path. You have so many opportunities to find your way and figure it all out. Everyone find themselves differently and at different stages in their lives. You might feel lost now but really you're just forging your own path in your own part of the woods. Ok, yeah, maybe you are a little lost now but we all go through that….again and again and some more than others, but I have confidence you'll find your footing because I know how it feels to lack that confidence before and then to slowly gain it back down the years.[/hide]

! I suppose that one thing that has improved is my relationship with my bro in particular. I know I've talked about this some years ago (right before Freshman year), but it used to be really bad. It's been rocky over the years, but me and my bro are MUCH better. so for the most part, it's one less anxiety. though I guess that depends. I feel like I've always been an introvert, but internalizing my problems and not talking about it is probably at least partly a by-product of my brother. my dad's sort of trying to be better at listening to me. Relatively recently I even told my dad I had anxiety/depression and he was surprised but tried to understand me. I definitely feel like I have trust issues, but I think my dad's becoming aware that his own actions may indirectly be the cause of kids having trust issues. It's not exactly that I hate my friends, either. it's just sometimes I feel like I need to step away from them for awhile, but I don't know if that would mean drifting apart and then never reconnecting with some of the few people I have as friends. I mean, I guess I cut out a lot of the bad people in high school. comparatively it's better than that. I just don't know if it's my own irrational and neurotic personality that makes them drive me crazy sometimes, or if I just get drained easily and that tiredness leads to irritation. maybe it's a combo of both. and speaking of which, I almost always feel tired and dead.
! I actually graduated a semester early somehow. Still haven't done all that grad ceremony stuff, though tbh it'd only be for my parents that I'd even bother going to that sort of thing (especially since…. I already have my diploma?? :wassat:). I majored in English. Constantly being told it's a useless major just sucks, especially when I find out too late 'oh yeah there's stuff you should have been doing'. a LOT of the internships for like publishing related jobs are unpaid, and money gives me anxiety, even though at the moment, it's not as pressing. my mom casually mentioned…. like an annual salary of $24,000 is 'not a lot' and I'm sure it wouldn't be when you factor in the costs of living alone (wherever that may be), but to me that's like... unfathomable. I feel like I know so little about the 'real world' and was never prepared adequately, and even though I'm living with my parents, I get panicked when I think how much money is everything and how I still am nowhere near the level of indepedency that would be required of me if I had no place to stay.
! There's this job my mom pressured me into applying for, and I might get it, but it's also not something I was ever interested in. the height of irony is that it's related to something I always said that, out of sheer spite, I would NEVER do. I mean, it might lead to something or at least teach me valuable skills I never had, but it's hard enough for me to struggle towards what I think interests me let alone something I thought didn't. Then I started thinking recently, am I just not cut out to be a writer? I could just scream in frustration at my inability to write down my stories or ideas. If I accept that I'm not cut out for it, then I'll have nothing left. Even being an editor or technical writer or more on the other side of publishing seems to require a lot of experience I just don't have yet, and which I might have to get by suffering through unpaid internships. It's either that or spend the rest of my life doing jobs I don't like just to get by.

I wish I could stop feeling so irrationally angry at everything. I keep blaming myself for not trusting my own instincts more. It's easier to just go along with what others say. Even when I KNOW I'm right, I still wind up doing things that I don't believe in or think is the right course to take. I know I shouldn't blame others. And maybe if I were more confident in myself, I'd feel less irritated at going along with something I don't want. I don't know when I stopped having confidence in myself. Every day is like hearing a lot of voices in my head clamoring all at once about all sorts of negative things and I just want it to STOP. if only it were as easy as just stabbing myself through the head. how does one let go of feeling worthless? everyone's always acting like that's the easiest shit to do and I'm tired of people saying anxieties/depression are on-off switches. THOUGH it'd be really nice if I could just…. shut it off. But long-lasting 'happiness' won't work like that. even though everyone around me makes it SEEM easy.

It's gotten to a point where I feel like I can't even do the things I like doing. do you know what it feels like to look for something in your 'field of interest' on your college website that everyone says will surely get you opportunities and get ZERO results? the more I go through the motions of searching the more it feels like I'm in a video game and forgot to pick up something vital, or several somethings, before trying to advance the story, and now I have no clue where to go from here. Like did I do something wrong? should I have taken different classes? should I have never taken classes? maybe my interests itself were wrong from the start. I can't cut it anywhere. sometimes living feels like the most useless thing in the world. I keep thinking 'maybe if I just lie still enough I could die' but I bet even that won't meet my expectations.

! It's getting close to that time of year again. It's hard to believe that it's been 4 years already… It's not as bad when I remember the overwhelming support and kindness that came from it, too. I've been so distracted by trying to get a job that I haven't really had time to reflect on it properly. I've been wanting to buy incense and such for awhile actually, just like I remember from my visits to Japan when I was a kid. I don't know where I'm going to buy it, that's all. I can almost imagine being laughed at but I get the feeling my mom might like that. She's sort of a tough cookie. When she's exasperated or annoyed, or angry, you can always tell, but when it's something more personal I think she copes better than I do, but we're both introverts. But as she said, even though this month is a reminder of sadness and loss, it's also a time when good things happened. I was born in this month after all. Maybe it's just because I have trouble valuing myself as a person, but being told my existence is important means a lot. I keep worrying, but I really hope more good things will happen this year.

SO. I graduated from college. I still have like ceremony stuff later this year, but I have my diploma already so idk if I actually need to go. :wassat: Now I'm job-hunting and tbh I don't know how well that's going. I got an offer, but negotiations are taking awhile and I don't know if that's normal. Weirdly now that I don't have classes, my anxiety seems to have gone up quite a lot. Maybe it's because you can prepare for tests and papers and assignments but then you get flung out into the unknown you were never trained for. I suppose I'm just suddenly at a point in my life where I don't know what's in store for me on the road ahead. It's a total mystery. Maybe that's just as exciting as it is terrifying. I can't decide.

At the least I sort of got to reconnect with a couple friends, so I know we're still friends.

@Outerspec:

If you don't mind, what does he do that pisses you off so much? Is it his leadership? Does he display a lack of skill for the job or a skill set that is below the people he is in charge of? Is it something he's doing to you personally, intentionally or unintentionally? Whatever it is it sounds like a personal affront.

whoa this is late. but if you must know, it's the way that he asks for favors that sound like he's giving me orders when really he shouldn't have the right at all. He's not a manager or anyone I should have to answer to. plus I've noticed he's only ever asked ME to do things for him. like I said he started working after me, and he's not good at his job, even another coworker (who I might add has worked there a really long time) thinks that he sucks. I can't help feeling that he's looking down on me. I may be looking too much into it, but I can't help wondering if it's because I'm non-white or something. like does he think I should just be running errands for him?? just what is it that's preventing HIM from doing those things himself?? when I think back to every little instance, there really nothing he's asked for that he couldn't have just done on his own.

I have my own tasks at work, and even though I often fill the role of 'help when needed', he only ever seems to ask me to do something for him when I'm clearly doing something else, or when an actual person in charge has just asked me to do something. at first i wondered if maybe it was just that he doesn't know how to phrase a simple request, but I really get a bad vibe from this guy. the worst part is the harder I try to forget about him, the more I think about it. I know this is a bad habit of mine to not let go of things, and honestly I'd really love to know how to not think about things that aren't worth it.

There's this other relatively new coworker, and he has a totally different vibe, and when he asks me a question, it's usually 'how do I do this' or something. and when he does ask for a favor, it doesn't sound like a command. if it's a favor for a coworker, I don't have problems doing so, especially if I can see that I have a moment of time to spare and they are busy and it's urgent. but with him, it's that I perceive he's a slacker who just wants to get me to do shit for him. My boss thinks sometimes I am 'too nice' in doing favors for others, and maybe this shitty coworker thinks he can take advantage of me just as easily as senior coworkers/people in charge because I'm a 'pushover' when really I loathe being told what to do almost all of the time. My biggest mistake is doing one favor for him when I KNEW I should not have done so, or should have told him 'no we probably shouldn't do this.' it's probably because of that one fuckup that he thinks he can now get me to do anything. and that's why I can't stop being annoyed.

I cannot stand one of the people who works at the place I do. every single fucking time I see him, he gets on my nerves. like at least I don't have the misfortune of working with him very often at all, but he pisses me off. just little stupid fucking things. i know I shouldn't be letting this fucker piss me off this much, but seriously. which part of my brain do I stab to stop thinking about the stupidity that is his existence. I know how to do my job and I'm good at it, and I don't appreciate taking orders from a moron who started working AFTER ME. he acts like he's in charge when really he's incompetent trash. it's not like I'm the only one who has a problem with him either. fucking unbelievable. :getlost:

@Rogues':

Still curious, if someone wants to answer this.

my god, actual posts in this thread?? :shocked: In regards to your question, I can almost hear the sound of Kenny complaining. Last I checked fanfiction is allowed as long as it meets the character minimum requirement. we had a really bad fanfiction entry waaaaay back that was a) under the minimum and b) scarcely understandable. just don't be that person. otherwise I'll have to shank you. also I don't know when we're even having another monthly. people have been busy after all.

@MetaMario:

congrats on the job and FMA! Marimo…..it's been so long! :O

It's kind of ironic in a way. 'Gets a job to buy DVDs. Can't find time to watch DVDs because of job.' orz It can be a bit exhausting and I got a particularly bad case of dehydration earlier today. literally every time I'm like 'ok fill up your water before we open' and don't, I regret it. :p

I definitely have some catching up to do, but at least AP probably hasn't changed that much in the time I've been gone. I assume.

I've been away for so long. I don't know, but I guess it doesn't matter. the good news is I've been legitimately busy. I managed to get hired for a job this summer. All that failure paid off. It's nice to be able to buy things with my own money. I got this in the mail today:

!

@Sai-chan:

Agent M the Mail Man Mermaid

perfect

It's so perfect I can't express it in words.

@Chrissie:

Amazing.

@King:

He's also Bartolomeo, isn't he?

I am very limited in my knowledge of Japanese voice actors, but the wikipedia page checks out. He's also Tensa Zangetsu from Bleach. this is rather amusing.

for St. Patrick's I tried to make a milkshake from scratch. I'm sure someone out there has made alcoholic milkshakes before, but even though mine turned out fairly well, the alcohol settled at the bottom. It was more liquified than I would have hoped, so that's probably why. it also may or may not have been responsible for that weird dream I had involving the attempted execution of a man and something to do with my high school teacher secretly being some kind of alien that all the students were trying to eliminate.

We literally only got half the series, thus far, so I'm definitely excited. there's this character in the second half that Shizuo mentioned in passing once, and now we'll finally get to see him. I hope Simon gets more screen time in season two as well. He doesn't get enough love.

@Cyan:

Pfft….what is with this lol? I love how Kakashi looks like he doesn't give a fuck.

I like how Shikamaru is there for no reason. he's never part of team 7. never struck me as particularly popular either. plus, THIS is what Shikamaru's seiyuu sounds like:

Someone make me this hat and I will pay you in gator smoothies.

I caught up on Naruto, but not Bleach. I was gonna post some general thoughts but forget that.

I am disappointed that nobody has ever mentioned this gem I just now discovered. this is actual, official art for an official music album.

what the fuck why is Shikamaru like that? he's NEVER like that. when has he ever been that energetic. you got Naruto being Naruto, and Sakura being Sakura. But then you've got Sasuke awkwardly being like 'am I doing this right' and poor Kakashi's like 'why the fuck am I here' and all these characters sing songs. how could anyone neglect to mention something so beautiful. we need an AU where instead of fighting, ninjas form rock bands instead.

@Crossword:

'bout fuckin' time.

yeah it only took like four years. four.years. this is probably the greatest birthday gift ever.

I had a pleasant lunch with a friend and she actually got me a One Piece figurine for a present! There was also some type of strawberry/milk chocolate candy. She even treated me to ice cream afterward. I have to study for my midterm, since apparently the universe doesn't care that my birthday is tomorrow. I don't wanna, but I know I have to… even though I could use a nap. I'm also paranoid that I'm on the verge of getting sick, and right now I'm barely keeping it at bay. I don't wanna have to postpone hanging out with my friends on that account. If I can just survive tomorrow afternoon, I'll be free to celebrate, but I already feel exhausted.

I don't entirely remember the context, but I told Sai-chan I wanted to be chased by gators, and that same night I had a dream that I ended up getting killed by deceptively friendly gators swimming in the backyard. It wasn't just me, everyone at that house got killed in what was termed a tragic accident, instead of the premeditated crime that it was. damn gators and their sneaky ways. point taken, Sai-chan. :T

Last night I had a dream that the PPG Z wanted to break into one of my teachers' house, and then it ended up being me. I repeatedly broke into my teacher's house on a loop. He had a dog that would bark at us. I had 'checkpoint' goals. I would run into the house, go to the checkpoints, and then somehow teleport out of the house because I'd hear my teacher coming back. The third door I was supposed to go into was too risky, but finally I was like 'fuck it I'm going for it,' and as I'm in the third room I hear him coming back as usual, but this time I've risked the third door. I'm kinda panicking and wavering between where to hide and what to do, and he's getting closer. Instead of vanishing I was like 'what if I just stay here and don't escape? will he notice?' Obviously he notices the door swinging cuz I took too long to situate myself in a hiding spot. he finds me hiding behind the door. I half-expected him to murder me, but after giving me one of his looks, he sort of invites me upstairs into the kitchen and we made a special kind of a burger on his stove. his dog now saw me as friendly and he was kind of like a hunting dog or something. I'd have to look up the breed. It was slightly awkward having to wake up from this dream and then go right to his morning class, but it's not like I told him about it.

I wish I had a place where I could light incense sticks on campus, but they don't allow them in the dorm rooms. It'd definitely trip the fire alarms. I feel like I should have done something more to remember this past day. I wish I could say something to my mom too, but I don't want to remind her of painful things. I suppose in a way it's a good thing I have a midterm to worry about, so I didn't have as much time to dwell on it. I guess it's not so much a confession, but I think part of me is afraid that if I ever forget 3/11/11, it would be… thoughtless or something. I felt weird to only silently acknowledge something. Nobody else has talked about it, and I really didn't expect anyone to, on campus or otherwise. It's kind of weird how this singular event on some level changed me. I didn't used to think too much about praying, though I remember when I was in Japan as a kid lighting incense sticks and making prayers at a house that no longer exists.

I suppose while I'm on this subject, I was very happy to see Yuzuru Hanyu's victory at the Olympics. I didn't know his story at first, but when I found out, I felt very happy.

I've been vaguely window-shopping for a 3DS lately. I was like "I wonder if the One Piece DS versions are for sale somewhere…" only to find they go upwards of $300. hahah nope. :sad: That aside, I'm surprised by how many different varieties there are. COSMOS BLACK sounds amazing but I wish cosmic spectrum green was a real color I could buy. oh or better yet, a gator 3DS. someone make that happen. I know I'm busy, but maybe I could put that on my birthday wishlist. Though I don't know where I might be able to get one for cheap. orz I feel like this urge always happens whenever I'm in school. Mostly because two of my classes are just obnoxious. I feel edgy.

! there's this one girl in one class that just somehow makes me feel stupid. I can't explain it, but every time she says anything I just get really annoyed. It's like… unwarranted sarcasm and... saying things like "obviously" or "duh" even after our teacher had spent a good chunk of time on the first day explaining that it's okay to ask any kind of question and that it's not necessarily stupid. people are at different levels of knowledge and shit like that, and history has always been an ambiguous subject of debate. she always interjects something unnecessary. It reminds me of this one time last semester when my teacher genuinely wanted to know more about a certain TV series that I mentioned. I was giving him a serious, thoughtful answer, only to be interrupted by some stupid girl who gave him the cringe-worthy answer of someone who clearly blogs on tumblr and is utterly insensitive to the difference between being a 'fangirl' and having a frank discussion and that there's a time and a place for everything and maybe just maybe ONE COULD JUST SHUT UP AND STOP BEING AN EMBARRASSMENT TO EVERYONE ELSE. I MEAN WHAT IS THE POINT. She's the American equivalent of an otaku, the kind that Miyazaki hates. Yet somehow, that irreverence makes me sort of feel apprehensive. I don't know why. Why should stupid people make me feel stupid? maybe it's because I think they're just the kind of people who would laugh at something I say, and I hate that. IDK why. It's not like I can tune her out either.
! I guess I can't say all my classes are bad, but... it's like this anime I've been watching in club about a kid who feels like he's drowning in anxiety a lot, and I guess that's my emotional state right now.

I had a day and two thirds of a day off classes. It has literally been years since I'd ever had a snow day. looks like that polar vortex was good for something after all. Although because I'm a college student and not an elementary student, I keep thinking how far behind schedule everyone will be.

on the bright side, I had time to finish marathoning Gravity Falls! I was sort of lazy to watch it, but then I saw this amv and it was amazing! I mean I had watched the first episode a long time ago, but this is what actually got me to watch the whole series.

!

….now the agonizing wait for season two and stuff. I was supposed to conserve those shorts. they're like snacks: you're not supposed to eat them all at once, but I did anyway. The sad thing is, it was more emotionally gripping to me than season five of SPN, which I also finished.

it's not that I don't like playing TF2, but it's really annoying to play PvP online. Dickwads just ruined the playing experience for me. I still really enjoy the comics and shit though. There's a new one out where, spoiler alert, Saxton Hale punches some wild animals and burns down a zoo.

those aren't bears. they're really beeeeeeears. those bear cubs are precious.

I blame Sai-chan for getting me on the Cavenbecca ship.

@Ubiq:

The only Scott image anybody ever needs:

! http://i.imgur.com/U3WBZk3.gif

I shouldn't be laughing so hard. I used to feel kind of bad for Cyclops, but… I had no idea people disliked him this much.

@1Up:

Free One Piece ARCardass Card With Every Instock Order Made This Christmas!
(While Stocks Last)

holy shit that Croc card looks amazing. __

I saw the trailer last night and it blew my mind. hopefully it delivers.

@Satsuki:

Eh, Chris Evans was a senior when I was a freshman (or he might actually have missed me by a year) so I have no memories of him whatsoever (we also likely were in totally different stratospheres in the school society). I just think it amusing that he has the same memories as me of the old halls and classrooms and teachers. And him being an actor I know he must remember the drama teacher and love him like I do, like everyone did. Mr. Plott was very popular. He must be happy that at least one of his little shits made it.

holy shit. that's so cool even if you didn't exactly hang out or anything.

also Captain America is not boring. unless you mean the movie itself and not the character. I mean, it's not my favorite of the pre-Avengers movies. Red Skull struck me as really absurd. maybe that's part of why I couldn't get as into it. I'm still debating whether it's better or worse than Iron Man 2 though.

@Kitsune:

I got all the games I wanted on Black Friday. Yeah it sucks, but it's a still a thing that should be taken advantage of if you can't afford to buy things throughout the rest of the year. There's no shame in it.

so how many people did you kill to get those games? :ninja:

@TheCrystalShip:

Wait, you don't?

I don't know if that means you thought I'd totally be the type to read strange murder stories or if that's just your enthusiasm. and if anything, in an alternate universe, I think I would be the one murdering people. ask Kenny and Sai or Hiroy. I recently relived what it was like reading the worst story imaginable, but the thing that made me the most angry was the fact that the crimes weren't committed properly.

I suddenly really feel like Sam Winchester. …More than before. His bro Dean is all sarcastic and cracking jokes and shit when Sam's trying to focus on work. Then once Sam does the same to Dean then Dean's all exasperated and Sam's got that smirk like "HOW DO YOU LIKE IT NOW DEAN, NOT SO FUNNY NOW IS IT."

I mean it's really not like that for me since i don't slay monsters for a living and read up on strange murder stories, but it's weird that people are always making jokes at my expense, but when I try to do that to other people, I'm the real villain. gee it must be awful when you want to express something but nobody lets you or takes you seriously. I can't imagine how THAT must feel. hahaha.

! I really hate feeling inexplicably pissed off at everyone. Recently some dude driving a big car almost hit me on the crosswalk when I had right of way (and he really only missed because I was forced to step away when I realized he wasn't slowing down), and earlier today this bus driver saw me, and he opened his doors, only to close them in my face and drive off. what is this "fuck you" week?? People always shut me down. Is it because I ruin everything? suddenly I'm a nuisance? I know when I'm not wanted, and I'm realizing for the millionth time that it's always going to be like this forever. Even though I have good friends I still feel like I'm just expendable. I'd be the person who dies first in the movie. the one nobody needs.
! It's not helping that this is during finals week, but I feel like… I'm always going to be treated like a joke no matter what I do. Lately I feel like even strangers are laughing at me. When I was at the crosswalk, I got distracted by this car, so I didn't immediately realize the light had changed to green, and these two girls behind me said it and giggled. I don't know who else they could have been referring to, and it pisses me off. then something really stupid pushed me over the edge. now I don't want to do all this shitty work for finals when I'm probably going to fail in spite of my best efforts. I haven't found a job. despite knowing lots of college-age people have trouble finding jobs too, it still feels like there was some kind of fucking magical train literally everyone got on but me, and since I didn't get on that train, I'm screwed; I'm going to spend fucking forever never being remotely closer to.... to anything. man I know this sort of shit's better put into the confessions, but I've just been having a lot of bad days. maybe if I'm lucky I'll actually get hit by a car so I don't have to deal with all this responsibility I'm not equipped to handle.

that Goblin pic reminded me of Legolas making a really weird face. I don't know why.

I'm stressing over finals. Well, I hardly have any actual exams… instead I have essays. lots of essays. so.many.essays.

punches through wall

maybe if I close my eyes and nap for extended periods of time, they'll all go away. yes unwarranted napping is sure to solve all my problems. hahah. ha. ....Though I did get to write an essay on One Piece, so I guess that was fairly interesting.

@trappedolphin:

a dance party reminds me of our FP days and that's as far as I will go for this video even though the crocodile thumbnail does intrigue me

Believe me when I say that compared to this video, our FP days are actually better. I merely wanted to drag someone down in the abyss with me.

the other day I found the most horrifying video in existence. Sai-chan, Hiroy, and I wound up watching all these fanimations on youtube, but I don't remember how I fucking found this.

!

Yoooo Sai-chan~ I finally took some pics of the OP merch Zach sent me for the OP Japan kickstarter.

! Lookit all that stuff. Somehow Zach had the right intuition because that t-shirt is exactly my size despite never having told him what size shirt I wear. I pray it doesn't shrink in the wash.

! PANSOOOON CROC. Sticker and plush keychain.

! MORE PANSON BAROQUE WORKS. And wouldn't you know it, these are like my top favorite BW. no puns intended. I now need to find a Panson Daz and recreate the prison scene.

! I think this Luffy bag is going to come in handy. and because of the nifty adjustable straps, it can be a waist pouch or a shoulder bag.

! I secretly wish that I had the complete set of these coasters, and then the ridiculously expensive baccarat drinking glasses could be paired with them. ha ha I wish.

! This is the weirdest combo because it's got a Smoker figurine and an Usopp button in the red envelope tucked behind in the sleeve.

! It's a cute Universal Studios Japan poster

! I don't know if Zach did this on purpose but there seems to be a lot of Jinbei/Mihawk merch in here, though granted they were randomized-type merch. Not pictured are a few gashopon. They had mini-wanted posters on them, which needless to say included Jinbei and Mihawk. I don't know what that says.

! There's a Shonen Jump clear file, an mock OP newspaper (it's really just ads), and a funny Zoro fan, and the Japanese says "I won't be defeated by the heat!!"

! Two tanks, including Oda's oneshot Wanted! It really makes me happy seeing the secret Pandaman cover that American volumes don't have.

! Okay this isn't from the kickstarter, but a giveaway I won (whoa amazing you mean people actually win giveaways??) but I'm forever amused by the fact that it was shipped to me with those words printed on the bag. It's very fitting for a character who basically wanted to take over the world after blowing up a country of people.

It was a great movie. some parts bugged me, but I think the greatest thing ever is that Jhonen Vasquez posted this hilarious conversation he had on the fact that Malekith is a flat character. I was honestly expecting more out of him too. I fuckin' love Christopher Eccleston. such a shame.
http://jhonenv.tumblr.com/post/66820424336/this-is-from-a-conversation-i-had-after-seeing

! also I can't fucking deal with Erik Selvig's stupid shit immediately after Frigga's funeral. no. fuck no. it's just not right. His scene isn't even important for anything, unless you count Stan Lee's cameo, but they didn't have to do it right after. it also irked me a little that Darcy starts macking on that intern just cuz he saved her, which it itself felt really dumb. She's the one who was saving his sorry ass, but nope, gotta make her a damsel. cuz we don't have a enough of that in this movie. Why is he there. seriously why. it sucks that the only badass females are Frigga and Sif (and she didn't even do much either). it was just so pointless. I also get that Frigga's death is what drives Loki to get revenge, but he's just lost the only positive influence in his life, and I keep thinking to myself, "how could they have done this better? was that the only way?"
! I do think the fight scenes with the portals was different and fun to watch, especially when Thor and Malekith are sliding down the side of a building. Though it seems rather silly to defeat Malekith not with Thor's hammer but with SCIENCE POLES.

confessions in the day thread and sex in the confessions thread. it's like Trafalgar Law switched the threads' personalities for awhile. :ninja:

rolls around I don't feel a will to do anything lately. I was doing pretty good this semester but I'm already feeling like running out of steam. who here wants to help me write papers about mythology and meta criticism? also I need to see a play and I can't find any that fit the requirements that will be playing before Thanksgiving. fuck.

I don't know if anyone already has it, but in celebration of Noland's victory there's only one appropriate choice.

NOLAAAAAAND~~~ YEAH YEAH!

I feel like the only appropriate way to celebrate is with a giant bonfire. Alas for I cannot make an actual bonfire.

!

All those who vote for Norland will receive a slice of complimentary chestnut cake!! mmm~~

The power of a friendship that endured for 400 years will prevail.

ughhhh I had a really fun Halloween but we were watching AMVs and there was this really cool-looking one and nobody knows what it's called and now it's killing me because I want to check it out but I don't know how to find it. "vampire dude with fangs" YEAH I'M SURE THAT'S GOING TO WORK. IT'S NOT LIKE THERE'S A BILLION VAMPIRE ANIMES. ….heck, maybe he's not even a vampire. maybe I'm in the wrong genre. I mean most vampires' faces don't glow purple. but it's still too broad. I don't even know what AMV is called. :T

@Sai-chan:

ahhh!! it's so cute! <3 happy halloween mari!

…. oh shit! i forgot to take pictures of the treats i made yesterday! D: i'm sorry, i totally forgot. but i'm gonna make cupcakes today, so i'll take pictures of those.

(and thanks! tho there is an image limit, so they doesn't have all of my fanart and such, haha)

btw have you seen the Google page? I bet you have but I saw it last night and was like "Sai's gonna flip." lookin' forward to the cupcakes. :9

(oh right I forgot about that stupid limit. but it covers a good deal of art, perfect for when I randomly get inspired to draw your characters, which I might be able to do when I get my stupid assignments out of the way.)