Two years ago I did a 50'000 page novel for this http://www.nanowrimo.org/index.php?
Here is the first part of the first chapter of it. Please comment and you can be brutally honest about it. remember it is diliberatly supposed to be cliched. Tell me if you want to see more chapters of it.
It was a typical wet day in Abyssa, The land where water was mass-produced. In hindsight, David had wished he had worn something wet proof. David Daark was the royal busboy. Any nasty jobs in the kitchen the king wanted done sent to him and some not involving the kitchen at all. Like today’s, job which was the nastiest yet. He was getting ready for an exploration of a bizarre rock formation that appeared overnight. It was Dark inside and he knew it was suicide to delve inside on his own. Sadly, his adopted father Dorrace was busy attending to other business with the king. He cursed his luck then kissed the locket on his neck. It was unknown where he had acquired it Dorrace had said to him that it was round his neck when he found his out cold body outside the city of Thaliana. He sighed, and then quickly put a foot into the cave and sighed again to himself "here we go wonder why the king needs me to go in here anyway," he went deeper into the cave; it was getting so deep his words were echoing around him. He turned on his torch and made his way even further down when suddenly a horrific shake pulled the ceiling down blocking the entrance above. Rocks and boulders begun to topple battering David in the face then a much larger boulder fell causing David’s rope to snap and he begun to fall. As rocks from above continued to batter him and walls scraped into His arm it cracked against a wall and several of his ribs shattered once he eventually came down. He tired to pick himself up but the pain was too much then he lost consciousness.
David lay on the ground his body twisted and near broken. A face suddenly appeared startling David it was blurred and he could not make it out but it was obviously female "I love you David," said a voice in his head. "The hell," muttered David weakly realising he was hallucinating from too much blood loss. "I will never leave your heart even when we are apart," whispered the mysterious voice David held his head and cried out in pain, "Get out of my head!"
"Hey is that eejit okay?" asked one small voice as a second replied, "I don’t know should we take him to uncle Shamus?" "Aye that’ll be the sensible idea Polom," said the small and very hairy boy as both he and the young girl who appeared to be just as hairy began to pull David away from the site of his crash into the caves. "Hey isn’t that the busboy who works for the king of Abyssa?" asked the small girl to which the boy replied, "I’m gonnae tell uncle Shamus aboot this it could be a great chance tae mess wie him." When David eventually came around, he had been surrounded by a group of small child like creatures wearing similar brown robes and carrying different kinds of weaponry.
"Welcome to the underground village of Caledonia sir but I’m afraid you must die now," said the biggest creature that appeared to be wearing a badge-saying chief on his sash, small hairy creatures moved in on the confused busboy. "Err is there anything I can say to spare me?" asked David wondering what the strange hairy things were. The chieftain though for a second and then smiled "Aye perhaps there is fleshy person," he looked at David for a moment and then continued "We huv a small problem my fellow Bairns huv been going missing and one said that there Wis a bizarre three headed beast striking them Doon,"
The assembled Bairns shuddered at the words man beast." What is this creature you speak of?" asked David politely knowing that a wrong word may cause these Bairns to hurt him in various and nasty ways. "It is evil it killed six of my brothers last night I only have two left, it must be stopped please help us," said the small and very polite girl who had pulled him alongside the aforementioned brother to safety. David smiled a small tear rolling down his eye and said to the little girl "I would do this even if my life wasn’t in danger you can count on me,"
Before David goes on his quest, may I pause the tale here to give you a little background on the creatures he has stumbled on. For you see the underground swelling Bairns were legendary to most Gaian citizens. David never had a proper education and thus knew nothing of them. I however do and for my next peek into Gaian life, we shall focus on the Bairns. A species called the Bairns were the first to make our world home. They came in two flavours the Rammen who resembled sheep and duggars who resembled well dogs. They had a rivalry, which spanned generations, which finally ended in the great battle of Battenberg. After the dust cleared, there was no clear winner and the remnants of the two tribes split to the far corners of the world. The fates of the duggars are unknown but the Rammen are the species, which David encountered in the caves beneath his home. They have many abilities much of which is lost in the sands of time I am afraid. Unknown to David they had a specific relationship with the rulers of Abyssa one which has been since terminated. Now read on…
Later on once the Bairns used their magic to fix up David’s various wounds. David set off for the series of inlets where the monster was last spotted. It was legitimately creepy inside the cave bats screeched above him and at one point; he thought he saw a gigantic snake. However, it turned out to be a branch several roots, which had burrowed underground. He smiled, as he knew that must have been the royal tree that grew in the palace garden the three gardeners had told him once that its roots grew inside the ancient caves but he had never believed them until now. Crossing an underground river that was polluted and foul and hoping that brown log was not what he thought it was. Two Bairns named Palom and Polom who came to help him track the monster down followed him. "Hey never did say thanks for both of you taking my unconscious body to your village," "It Wis nothing pal and thanks fer helping us." "If you have any questions sir please ask away," said Polom politely. David tried to word this carefully as not to offend the creatures "So what are you exactly then," "We are Bairns sir we live underground and do much of the work for castle Abyssa," said Polom smiling at David "hold on you do what for the castle?" "We help with the refining from the water crystal to keep you airships powered," "and in case yuir second question ends up bein whit I think it is yes we know who you are busboy," laughed Palom with a boyish snigger. "Okay forget I asked," muttered David under his breath.
"Are all over dwellers as thick as this one," whispered Palom "just this one brother others I do not know," whispered Polom as she calmly nodded and smiled at David who said. "You knew me the entire time but continued your charade to scare me," "its nothing personal pal its jist we love tae make it oot wie the "I’m gonnae kill ye banter wie the normals." It felt like days but in reality only hours as they walked to the bottom cavern and spotted their quarry the evil creature that murdered several Bairns "Hide sir," said Polom and they ducked. Three men were talking loudly "so when do we get paid for this," said one of them as a second figure muttered "Next week Whipped we are going to hunt every last one of them now," David was shocked to see that not only was The three-headed man beast three poachers but that he recognised them. "That’s Whipped, Custard and Bourbon they are our Gardeners but what are they doing down here?" muttered David to the two Bairns as the three poachers conversation continued, "That’s just wrong that’s not fair on the poor things besides Bairn skins don't fetch all that much," said the smallest man. "Yes that is true Custard but their blood is highly sought after as a poison," said the short one. "We got to stop them," said David shocked at the cruelty." Sir it is too dangerous we must move our fellow Bairns to safety," said Polom quietly David turned to Polom and put his hand on her shoulder "I have an idea of how to save your tribe but it'll mean you have to go,"
However, it was too late suddenly a gun was pointing at David "Get out here right now so I can see your face," the three of them had talked too loud and thus were caught by the poachers. "Go warn the tribe I’ll handle them," shouted David and the two Bairns ran away. David then stood in front of Bourbon and said, "When the king learns of this he’ll kick you out of the court." Bourbon walked over and whacked his gun right into David stomach breaking the same ribs from earlier again "foolish little busboy the king already knows," "yes the king already knows and wanted us to…make you disappear nothing personal and all," said Custard with a grin on his face. David’s face turned white not just from the pain but also from the revelation that the king a man he had trusted all his life had ordered his death. David struggled against the poachers but got beat up some more until Whipped laughed and said to the other two poachers "Kill him and then we will get the Bairns and our payoff from the king," Bourbon laughed grabbed his gun and cracked it right on David’s head. There was sick blackness and then David fell for the second time.
David sat down near a fountain in an unknown castle and sighed to himself "huh where am I did I get captured," as if to answer him the same voice from earlier called out "David." "Oh brilliant I am in my screwed up head again," "I need to go away for a while I will always love you and I shall keep the necklace you gave me as a reminder of our time together," said the voice but this time there was a face as well. A beautiful brunette girl she wore long robes and a beautiful crown, which had a bright pink ruby inside it. She was stunning David looked at this girl and his heart jumped "Don’t go," "Shhh don’t cry for me I’ll always love you," said the beautiful girl who then kissed David. David woke up and noticed the poachers were gone.
"Oh man what a strange dream," he then suddenly remembered, "I must help the Bairns," he then ran to the village. Over the underground river, just missing the flowing vines, which grew underneath it hoping to ensnare anyone foolish enough to stop near it. and the dangerous and poisonous fish, which swam in it. Past the giant roots and the endless corridors. The pain was immense as he tried to run as fast as he could but the injuries kept slowing him down. When he got there, the village was in flames and the Bairns were missing David fell to the ground and tears streamed down his face. "no, I failed them;" he then noticed that the poachers were still there. David picked up a fallen piece of rock and a piece of wood and screamed in anger "Scum you killed them all," He ran to Custard and hit him in the head with the piece of wood he fell down in pain. Whipped ran to help his friend but Bourbon aiming for David instead accidentally shot Whipped and turned his gun on David "you made me shoot my friend I will rip you apart with my gun fire!" David grabbed the gun and threw it away. He then kicked Bourbon down onto the ground and then lifted him up to punch him. The punch connected and Bourbon knocked into their cart. A drape fell and the cart revealed its Cargo the Bairns. "You’re safe thank god," said David smiling happily he begun to unlock the cages not noticing Bourbon picking himself up. Bourbon sneered and looked around for his gun "You will regret this,"
Then Bourbon got up and everything blurred into slow motion. The cages opened and the Bairns got out. They attacked and killed Custard and begun to move towards Bourbon. With nothing to lose now his two friends are dead, he leaped over to his gun. David tried to stop him and grabbed Bourbon by the hands. There was a struggle and then Bourbon Pulled the trigger, fired his gun once, twice, three times and David looked at the three holes in his chest with a gasp. He struggled to stay on his feet until it was too late he fell down on the floor and closed his eyes lying in a pool of blood he was dead.
