My alter-ego, Subby, on the 4Kids forums has done some writing. I'm just going to copy and paste and not correct any typos. I would have used curse words except it is the 4KIDS forums.
Usopp! The manly warrior seeks to impress!
Usopp looked around. Here were the unenlightened masses, waiting to be crammed full of tales of his bravery and his voyages against sea kings, legendary pirates and monsters of the grand line.
"CAPTAIN USOPP IS IN THE HOUSE!"
People turned their heads and looked at the captain. Some scrambled at the immediate thought of a pirate, some tensed, some ignored him completely.
"I HAVE 8000 MEN AND HAVE SAILED ALL THE OCEANS AND LANDS AND SKIES!"
Some thought he was mad. Some appeared from undear furniture, giving awkward looks.
"Ahem. Has anyone heard of the Red Beast Fang crew?"
Mutters went around. Someone yelled out a negative.
"They are the beastliest pirates ever! No one knows if they are human, they were furs and paint themselves red, they have beast-liek teeth and claws. They are brutes who savage their victims, barefoot and sweaty. They eat raw meat! They are part animal, part vicious and all deadly!"
By know the people's attention was caught, they were hanging on every word. Some were shdudering at the thought of such pirates, others expected something exciting to happen. All were entertained.
"Once me and a group of my crew ere taking a merry little row around when suddenly, we caught sight of a giant mass of flaoting wood, jumbled together in strange ways. It was a wonder it still floated. No time to wonder however! Giant boulders were like rain and flaming balls of tar and pitch volleyed at us! Some of my men took to arms and stopped some but there were too much! They turned to me. I stood and didn't even blink as a boulder almost threw us overboard. I picked up my trusty slingshot. I coolly loaded a super-metal star. I took aim and inspected the clouds and let go. Before I knew it, the mass of wood and stone was sinking and the beasts were clamoring around and splashing. We took pity on them and took them with us and taught them how to behave and be nice to people. Crunching their bones wasn't nice and so they decided to make a band of people who would steal from the corrupt and give to the needy. Only one gold piece in a thousand went to our crew."
They were hanging on every word, mesmerised.
"And then the Sea King pirates and their giant steeds…"
Oohs and aahs.
"They fired cannonballs the size of a fishing boat!"
There was whispering and lots of people hanging with their mouths open.
Captain Usopp finished his wonderfully woven tail.
"And now, I must leave."
"Good by Mr. Usopp!"
"Good bye, Grade 1. I'll be back next week with more stories!"
Sanji, the drama aboard the summer's day!
The day was hot, hotter than an Alabastan summer. The ship was sailing along a volcanic island and the volacano was acting up. Robin came to the rescue and explained the volcano always rumbles and emits heat for a decade before actually erupting.
Sanji was peeling potatoes and cut his thumb. This was a common incident but the heat was very distracting. It was a shallow cut, but for some odd reason, Sanji starte trembling and his eyes became teary. Usopp was mucking around with a piece of wood and a metal tube. Sanji hid his face from the liar and kept peeling.
On the deck, Nami was talking to Chopper about fur, hot days and penguins and things like that. Luffy was trying to cook meat himself but gave up and went intothe kitchen to ask Sanji.
"Sanji, what happened? GAAH!!! SANJI! THERE'S RED STUFF ALL OVER THE FOOD!"
"That's not food, you dimwit, that's the peel! You don't eat the peel!"
"OH! Sanji, can you cook this piece of meat for me?"
Sanji just grabbed the meat and slammed it in the oven.
"Sanji, why are you acting all funny?"
Luffy noticed the red thumb and his watering eyes. They looked like it was a tru, inner pain which couldn't be caused by any weapon or hand.
"Saaaanjeeeeee... Saaaaahhhhhnnnnjeeeeeeeee!"
Sanji promptly kicked the rubber captain in the face. Luffy fell onto the ground and banged his head.
"OWW!!! What was that for? Explain to me why you're so sad!"
Sanji sighed and blinked. He looked up through the window.
"On such a hot day... WHY IS NAMI-SAN WEARING A SHIRT <3 <3 <3?!"
The confrontation with the trickster! Nami gains vengeance!
The Going Merry was docked at a small town, getting supplies. It was the usual drill, Sanji trying to chat up women, Chopper geting mysterious elixirs and Luffy eating huge amounts of meat.
This time was special however. It was an amazing time and it was bestowned upon only a select few businesses. It was time for Nami to go shopping.
Nami went into a store with some nifty hand bags and watches and such. They were all very pretty and so were the jewellry. She occupied herself filling her bags with this or that band of shiny metal in exchange for some round, flat pieces of metal. She had bought watches, map paper, ink, tools and everything else she needed and lots of things she didn't need and some stuff to get some more delicious meals from Sanji. She chuckled as she thought about the love cook and his amazing meals.
It was time to pay up, a part she didn't like. Normally, she would try to distract herself by chatting with the shopkeeper. But this time, it was a greasy looking fellow, with a bowtie. She immediately didn't trust him. He took the items and it was clear he didn't treat them wit much respect. The store seemed to be centric on jewellery so it was a tad peeving to see a rich lady buy everything but that. He sloshed the ink around and accidently dropped a bottle. He grumbled and soon replaced it.
"That's some nice jewellery over there, mister."
"Huh?! Oh... Oooohh... OH! That, my madam, are the choice selections of rare minerals found at the bottom of the sea, deep underground, on mountain reaching high into the clouds! They're beauty is worth all the toil and struggle to collect them my dear, there are some known as Dragon eggs, featherstones, crystal shells-"
"I don't want a history of them, I want to see them, how much they cost, and if it fits me. I already know one of them."
"Yes, certainly, miss."
The tone he used describing such fine jewellery was sickening. He was a leech that was for sure. But those exotic stones were tempting.
"You see, my lady, that these great creations of the earth, water and sky are all natural."
"Yes, yes, hurry up."
A tray of exotic, colourful stones with swirling patterns, bright lights shining from them, emanating an aura. The geometric patterns were amazing.
"I'll take twenty."
"Are you sure? If you buy thirty then you get a 50% discount on all other items you buy!"
"Wow! Fine, gimme ten more!"
The slimy fellow acknowledged and rummaged through. He sorted all the papers and prices of all the items which took ten minutes. Meanwhile, Nami was focusing on the hypnotising patterns.
"560 bellies, please."
Nami coughed up the cash.
He returned the change and immediately was knocked down by a kick on the leg.
"OW! What was that for?! I'll call the marines! I'll make sure you never see th-"
He was cut short and smacked by a staff.
"These ARE nice gems. But half of them are fake and you should give me the right amount of change next time."
Choppertime! The loud anger!
The crew were, again, getting supplies and such from an island. However, this island was full of snoots, snobs, fops, dandies, snootycakes and the like. They prided themselves on it. Sanji had to get rid of his cigarette and Zoro had to smarten up. Nami had to wear some less revealing clothes and Luffy was chained to the mast. Chopper, despite being covered in fur and being a semi "beast" as the locals called him, was didn't need to do anything. The islanders all sort he was the cat's pajamas and everyone wanted to have tea and scones with him. They acted as if a famous movie star had landed on their island.
Sanji was inspecting their cuisine, filled with scones, tea and muffins.
Zoro was looking for somewhere to meditate.
Nami was looking for some expensive jewellery.
Usopp was looking at powder kegs and muttoneaters.
Luffy had broke free and was fooling around with giant, powdered wigs.
Robin was in the bookstore, reading the history of the historian who wrote about historical historians and how they affected history.
Chopper, meanwhile, was being swarmed by little deary children, all wanting to pet him. He was in reindeer mode to avoid suspicion. The parents were chattering about this or that and drinking dangerously large amounts of tea whilst the children played with Chopper.
After all chores were done, the crew was invited for a public teaing with the mayor, Sir Samuel Puff Snootizzi. Nami accepted with Sanji swooning over her. Luffy was chained back onto the ship, with extra weight and Nami got people to pay to poke him with sticks.
At the brunch teaing ceremony, people were all gathered in the town square with chairs and parasols. They were all in silence and the occasional whisper was heard.
The crew were happily drinking tea with the island council, Robin was chatting with the chief historian whilst reading a book, Sanji was talking to the cook, Nami was chatting up the chief banker and such.
Chopper was being fed custard and mint desserts and drinking honey and lemon tea and peing all pampered and groomed.
The mayor started to make a speech,
"Ladies! Gentlemen! Countrymen! Lend me your ears!"
"They're attached to our heads!", yelled a joker. Everyone burst into laughter and soon settled. Nami gagged at the poor joke but pretended to laugh.
"This fine troupe of gentlemen have brought a great friend and inspiring model for us to learn from! I bring you, a majestic creature who goes by the name of... Chopper!"
Everyone burst into applause. The mayor was looning and raving about this or that on Chopper. The crew were about to fall asleep, excpet Zoro who already was when the mayor announced a tribute to the crew.
"1000 gold talents!"
Nami didn't know or care about what a talent was but she knew what gold was. The magistrate who was still talking to Zoro kept blathering and didn't notice the green hair had fallen asleep. Nami rushed up to accept it.
"And for the fine king of animals, Chopper, we shall give him a years supply of grand food, 50 golden statues and the title of Grand Watcher-over-of-preciousness-whose-greateness-exceeds-all-expectations-"
No one noticed Chopper's eyes bugging out.
"SHUT YOUR STINKHOLE, OLD MAN! DON'T TOUCH ME, YOU UNCLEN VERMIN! I OUGHT TO GIVE YOU A GO-"
Chopper was smiling and dancing.
The crew started running.
The crowd starting grabbing pitchforks and torches.
Nami started asking why everyone thought she was a witch.
Chopper was running away as well.
"Darn it Chopper! Couldn't you wait until the gold statues came?!"
"CURSE YOU LITTLE REINDEER! Now Nami-swan will never get the beautiful statues that she deserves!"
"It's not my fault everyone likes my horns! I can't help if I'm so cute!"
Sanji and Chopper started a cursing match. Nami started to outrun everyone since the angry mob was planning to burn her as a witch and pointed out that Robin's hair was darker than hers.
After fifteen minutes of running, chasing, hiding and funny hallway chases, they made it back to the ship and set sail.
"Oi, love cook, what hap-"
Sanji kicked Zoro in the face.
"SHUT IT! NAMI-SAN IS UPSET AND NEEDS PEACE AND QUIET!"
Nami kicked Sanji in the face.
Chopper was rolling on the deck, hugging himself and cussing softly.
And then they realised Luffy wasn't anywhere to be seen.
