Hey, I've been having all these random thoughts over OP's future since last summer.. I think I'm finally at a point where I either put them on paper (not literally) or try and forget them (which is ironically harder).
What I would like to do is have a piece of artwork to accompany each page (which will represent a short chapter), but my art skills aren't all that good, I will try to make a concious effort however.
For now though, I would just like some constructive criticism on the prologue of the story, if anyone is willing to give me some positive/negative feedback that will actually be helpful I would appreciate it.
Version 3.0 final:
[hide] In Ten Years Prologue 1
A Story About the End of the Age of Pirates.
Set in the One Piece universe
East Blue 10 years from current time…
My name is Jason, my best friend Evie and I are workers on a fishing boat. Things didn't always used to be like this… but... I'll tell you later. Anyway we work on a great fishing boat, our boat is so great that every day we have a new sea-king hanging off of the back fishing line. The boat seems full of sailors and workers, but actually we do most of the work, yea I'm a pretty awesome fish-gutter down in the galley. I work hard to clean out the fish for all our deliveries. the captain made an old man teach us how to clean the fish, but I don't think I need it, I did great on my first day, they even used the fish I cut for our dinner! Evie's note, actually there's a reason for that I'm the blonde haired boy on the right, and that white haired girl is Evie we're about 7 years old, but… ^^ I can't be sure because we're orphans.
- "See, if you cut too deep, you will cut off the entire head and the restaurants won’t buy the fish Jason, then we'll have to eat it for dinner again" The old man is threatened that I'll take his position as top fish-gutter You have to make sure you make a small insition to remove the guts.
- "Right, right, you mean like this?" It was time to shut him up, I used my lightning fast reflex's to slice stab the fish repeatedly and I shred it to little pieces.
- "AHHH!!! You stupid brat!" the old man looks surprised, I think he's admitted defat "What did I just say? Damn it you’re hopeless, why can’t you be more like Eva?" I looked at my fish pile, maybe the old man is right…
Evie sat in front of a pile of perfectly de-gutted fish, she moves as fast as lightning to make her incisions. - "Yea Jason, why can’t you be more like me? ^^" she smiles her usual cute smiley face. Damn it, even Evie is against me…
- "SHUT UP DAMN IT!" _I had enough "_I never wanted to be here in the first place! It’s not my fault we’re here!" _I tossed my fish at perfect little Evie's FACE, she seemed surprised, I kinda felt bad. "_You were the hungry one Evie; I was trying to take care of you!" _I ran away from them, I couldn't stand it anymore Ossan, Eva…
"_AND HER NAME IS EVIE YOU SHITTY OSSAN!" _I decided I needed some fresh air, so I ran to the deck.
_An older man near his mid 30’s, wearing a long grey coat, sees the boy running, he follows the boy slowly walking towards him. The boy looks out at the sea.
- "Hey Jason, taking a break?" __The man leans against the boat next to the young boy.
I looked up, Captain was leaning against the ship… he looks cool like that, I decided to lean against the ship too. Jason swung his legs back and forth as his nose started to sniffle Damn Evie.. can't cry in front of the captain… - "Oh… hi Gin, it’s just you."
- Sweatdrop "You know you could be a little nicer kid, I did you a favor by letting you work off the fish you stole from me instead of giving you up to the Marines!"
_The captain was right.. but it's not like that I swear!
- "_Ossaaaan! I promised I’d pay you off as soon as I found some treasure," I winked I had told Captain Gin that I knew where to find some treasure but I never told him where "I wasn’t going to cheat you."
Gin stood up straight and hit me over the head with his massive fist
- "I’m not that old damn it!" I wonder why he got mad? "And where exactly would you find this treasure Jason?" He rolled up his sleeve "You’re just a kid how would you go about finding the treasure?"
__Evie now walks up the stairs and overhears the captains words, she emerges and skips toward the two smiling
- "In Elbaf Captain Gin sir! ^^" she salutes the captain, suck-up "There’s a huge treasure the giants hid there!"
WHAT? My eyes turned blank I couldn't see, I jumped in front of her trying to silence her but it was too late…
- "Hey shut up! You’re not supposed to tell people about old man Broggy’s five hundred ton gold treasure, hidden in the small port off the islands east coast!"
…sweatdrops all around
Evie looked at me very quizickly
"You just revealed everything…" she… IS RIGHT! sigh Oh well, I decided to lean up against the ship again and look out at sea.
Captain Gin started walking away from us, probably going towards the helm
"Well for now, how about you just finish up your payment and when you’re a little older you can go after the treasure?"
But, before he could get too far the old man emerged from the staircase smirking
"That won’t be necessary captain, thanks to Eva’s…" _- Jerk "_Evie!" The old man continued talking as if he didn’t hear me
"…last load they’ve officially completed their ten thousand fish payment" _the old man smirked some more and Gin looks annoyed
The captain held his chin "_Well how about that, you guys finished it in just 2 days…you two are more skilled than I though." _Damn straight! The captain suddenly smiled "_You know it would be a shame to lose such skilled workers, any chance I can talk you into staying on my sh.."
Wait.. what's that up ahead… - "HEY OSSANS What’s that!" I screamed
I almost fell over the side of the ship I was so surprised. There in front of us was a gigantic floating building. The structure is large enough to be a small village it’s so huge!
- "Oh that?" The captain walks over to me and hit me on the head again giving me a big bump, It didn't hurt though… ow
"That’s just Baratie, the floating sea restaurant…"
Note: This isn’t the Baratie we have come to know… it has now been upgraded to a gigantic mall like structure with various rooms, stores and a huge port.
[hide] In Ten Years
A Story About the End of the Age of Pirates.
Set in the One Piece universe
The fishing vessel arrived at Baratie, and the crew began unloading crates full of fish. Jason and I stepped off the boat and looked up with open eyes and open mouths since we had never seen such an amazing place. It was full of colors, and lights that came out of what looked like shells. Jason's note: Yep Shells Hundreds of people were gathered outside of the restaurant waiting on line, and many more were at all the stores. The food here must be great, I can’t wait to have some… except we still haven’t found any money ^^
Meanwhile a young man in his late twenties stepped out of the main entrance to greet Captain Gin. He has short but stylish blonde hair, chin hair, and an eye patch over his left eye, he was wearing black pants, a pink shirt, a black tie and a large white apron over them. He had a very intimidating aura around him, he was powerful, well dressed, and.. and.. dreamy… Maybe I could talk him into letting us stay and pay off the food by ahem working for him instead!
- "Sanjiiii! What’s going on?" _What a strange name…_the Captain hugs the young man "Guess what I found?"
- "Same old, same old, what did you find?"
- the captain looked annoyed "I said guess jerk."
The young man placed his muscular hand to the side of his face sigh he was so gorgeous, I had decided! I knew that a man like this must be incredibly smart! Sanjiiii
would definitely figure out what Captain Gin found!
- "A mermaid!" suddenly the man’s eyes turned into hearts, and his nose began to steam… this man.. was THE MAN! ahem a perv, sigh sweatdrop why do all the good ones have to be weird?
- "Same ol’ Sanji, nah man, I found a pack of Cartier!"
- "You’re kidding me! I thought those went out of production?"
The two men continued conversing about the cigarettes, I didn’t get it…Jason started wondering off towards the restaurant, I decided to follow him and make sure he didn’t get into any more trouble, after all, I get us into enough trouble as it is ^^. --_
We stepped in front of the line and just walked in. They must have thought we were someone's children. inside the restaurant was packed, all the tables were full, and the smells the sounds, the sights! I never imagined such a magical place existed. Jason started walking to toward the back where a single table was all but empty except for one old man. The old man had a peg leg and was drinking some tea, I ran after him.
"Ossan, may we sit here?" Jason asked the old man
*- "Hey kid, where are your parents? Wouldn’t you rather sit with them than some old man?"
It was time for me to take action, he seemed like a nice enough Ossan
"Sorry Osssan ^^, we’re actually orphans," turn on the waterworks "sniff but we’re very hungry, do you think you could let us sit with you? The rest of the tables are full" I snuck him a wink, Ok, so I knew I was taking a risk, but come on if we were going to leave Gin’s ship I had to take a chance and do something stupid right now, besides if this guy turns out to be a perv as well I can kick his butt.
the old man raised an eyebrow "If you’re really that hungry… then sure, you can definitely sit here" the old man smiled
"All RIGHT!" Jason slapped the old man’s back and the old man spit out some of his tea, the old man then grabbed Jason by the head he would have gotten hit, but I noticed the waiter was here.. so…
"Waiter! Bring us…" I read the menu.. what language is this in ^^?
"foie gras, fondue au seaking, bleu fin a la moutard, pistou and spaetzle!!!" Jason and the ossan looked at me surprised, the waiter rushed off and before we knew it our dishes arrived, we both started eating very rapidly as Jason whispered to me
"How are we going to pay for all this?"
"Shh, I have a plan ^^" T_he food was delicious, I had never tasted anything like this at the orphanage or at Gin’s boat. Soon Gin and Sanjiiiii walked in and saw us sitting with the Ossan, I was nervous… we had one shot at making this work._
"Hey old man, I see you found some friends." Remarked Sanjiiii
"How have you been Zeff? I see you’re treating my little workers to some lunch huh?" he smiled
"Pretty good Gin, ah, so these little hooligans belong to you eh? … wait what did you say?" oh.. oh
"Actually Captain ^^, Jason and I decided we were hungry and ordered some food would you like some?" I held up a plate to captain Gin, Jason froze dead in his tracks.. he turned pale THIS IS YOUR PLAN!!!??
"…you… you’re the ones that ordered all this food?" Captain's face color was starting to look like Jason’s "Sanji I…"
Oh! So his name was Sanji ^^ sowwy.
"Oh come on Gin, don’t worry about it, I already know you’re nothing but trouble anyway this isn’t news" he smiled sigh he's so hawt
"Well you brats… looks like you won’t be working for me after all. Sanji, they’re your problem now… and kid he looked straight at Jason make sure you pay me back when you find that treasure okay? he winked and walked away"
"Wow that all worked out exactly as I planned!" I felt very satisfied, for the first time things were going just right!
"Yep! Nice work Evie."
"Yep! You sure know how to play everyone for a fool" said Sanji smiling gag
"What exactly are you saying Sanji? You’re just gonna let them eat for free? Is this what you've turned my restaurant into you spoiled eggplant?" Remarked Zeff.. I was starting to think the ossan wasn’t as nice as I thought he was…
"Well I never said that Zeff, as soon as you two are done head to the back, you’ll be doing some… odd jobs for me…"
And with that he walked away… Jason looked worried, I on the other hand was kind of excited at the very least of things, I get to stay with Sanji from now on.. I wonder if he’s married?
Once we were done eating we went outside to the back of the restaurant where a long nosed man was painting some pieces of metal, Sanji stepped out after us and yelled out to the man
- "Hey Ussop, see if you can use these two to help you out."
- "Oy Sanji! I’m just doing this to help you out! I’m not gonna baby-sit as well!"
- "Come on… you guys promised you would help out since I let you eat here for free, don’t go back on your promise now" he stuck out his tongue and walked back into the restaurant
- "Hi long-nose Ossan, I’m Evie and this is Jason, who are you?"
the long-nose ossan suddenly changed facial expressions - "Who.. me? You ask who I am?" he suddenly jumped on top of the metal piece he was working on, I wonder if his shoes will change color ^^
"They call me… CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN UUUUUUUSSSSOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
In Ten Years
A Story About the End of the Age of Pirates.
Set in the One Piece universe
So Evie’s plan had worked -- and now instead of being Captain Gin’s slaves we were Captain Ussop’s I think Sanji’s the real captain ^^
Anyway, so this Captain Ussop was a nice enough fellow. He wore a construction hat, protective goggles, a t-shirt and some jeans. He told me to stick with him and Evie to go help some guy called Franky…_
“So how come you’re working for Mr. Sanji Captain? Did you not pay for your food as well?”
“I’m a man of honor Jason, I would never commit such an act!”
I’m pretty sure he was lying, because his nose looked like it was growing. Kawaii ^^!
“So where is this Franky guy you sent Evie to work with?”
“You mean you didn’t notice?” He pointed to a soda vending machine… wait… …. Holy,
“THAT’S A MAN!!!!!!” ^^
Ok, so I noticed the open door with soda inside and thought it was a decorative soda machine so I didn’t take a second look, but now that I notice it more clearly, there’s a man behind that metal box.
I mean this place was so full of magical things I just assumed.. they get it ^^ hmm ok, so that guy’s chest opens up, and this guys nose grows longer..
they must be some kind of devil fruit users… wait.. what’s he doing blank stare
“DON’T TOUCH HER THERE!!!!”
That bastard Franky gave Evie another shirt to put on because she would get dirty, but when she was putting it on, one of her wings popped out and he noticed…
I panicked, I picked up the nearest piece of wooden plank I could find and hit Franky across the face with it… only, the wood shattered and Franky was unphased… just who is this guy?
“Oh so you’re from Skypeia huh little girl?” said Ussop, for some reason he was unphased by me hitting Franky.. these guys are weird. I dragged Evie away from Franky and stood between the two men and her.
“It’s ok Jason, I don’t think he wanted to…”
“No, they’re just like the others… they’re just like the bullies at the orphanage that tried to hurt you because you were different… I won’t let them, I don’t care how weird these guys and their devil fruit powers are, but I won’t let them cut off your wings!” there was silence…
Suddenly the two men began laughing… --_
“Kid, thank you, I haven’t laughed like that in a while” said Franky as he sat down and grabbed a guitar
“I think I need to write a song about this haha.”
“Oy, Jason, we don’t have devil fruit, Franky there is a cyborg, and I’m just a normal guy.”
“Then how come your nose is growing longer when you lie?” Captain Ussop looked annoyed.
“This kid is fantastic, we should baby-sit for Sanji more often, hey wait when did cook-san have kids?”
“Umm, I think we’re all a little confused guys ^^, let’s start over.”
Evie decided to take charge of the situation, after we explained we weren’t Sanji’s children, and that they weren’t trying to cut Evie’s wings off, I realized these guys weren’t all that bad, but there was still something on my mind…
“So you’re captain Ussop of the veggie pirates? Those guys used to come into a bar I worked at and tell stories about giants and pirates!”
“Heheheh, so those guys are still at it huh? Still what a coincidence that you two are from my village, how’s the orphanage doing? Is Kaya doing well?”
Miss Kaya is the head doctor at the local hospital and she also runs the orphanage.
“She’s fine.. but hey umm Ussop, you said something about Skaepedia?”
“Ah yea, Skypeia, I went there with my crew some years ago.”
“You mean the veggie pirates Ussop-kun? ^^” said Evie, Franky looked annoyed.
“You kids are joking right? You still don’t recognize us now that we’ve introduced ourselves?” we looked at each other confused “You mean you’ve never heard the story about Pirate King Luffy and the Strawhat crew?”
“No, sorry mister… the only stories I heard are about Sniper King Ussop and the Veggie pirates.” Franky looked annoyed
“I think you should go and have a talk with those guys Ussop”
sweatdrop “Yea yea, don’t worry Franky I will, but, we’ve got a great opportunity here, these kids have never heard about the Pirate King! We should tell them a story!”
Suddenly a voice was heard from above
“Long-nose kun, why don’t you tell them about Raftel? ^^” a gorgeous woman reading a book was sitting on the back balcony of the restaurant drinking coffee.. she had black hair, gorgeous eyes, legs to infinity… so hot.. I thinkt my boys dropped and I was a man the second I noticed her.
“Oy sure Robin, that’s a great idea!”
Robin.. I think I’m in love…Jason’s got a girlfriend, Jason’s got a girlfriend! What about Sanji huh?That’s different, he’s a man! So is Robin-chwan! Anyway…
“So what happened at Raftel mr Ussop?”
“At Raftel? Lot’s of things happened at Raftel… but the first thing that happened, was a party” *the three of them began having big smiles on their faces as they began remembering, this should be a good story.. we decided to take a break from work ^^ 7 minutes and listen to his story… the story of Raftel, and the Pirate King Luffy.
Terms: Deck - uncovered standing area of the ship, galley - kitchen area of the ship, Ossan - endearing term towards an older familiar person (uncle/grandpa/old man), Kawaii - cute, umm ask me for anything else.
Jason - 7 year old boy, blonde, blood type O. Grew up in a newly built orphanage in Ussops village. He used to work at a bar (washing dishes) where three teenagers would come in from time to time and tell incredible stories. One of them was about Broggy's treasure.
Evie - 7 year old girl, white haired, blood type A. Grew up in the same orphanage, used to work at a smith cleaning the shop (after hours however she would play around with the weapons and tools). Jason protected her from bullies when she first lost her parents and she's been his best friend since.
Captain Gin - Yes the Gin, now he's a fisherman and living a lawful life, bringing in the tastiest seakings and fish to various restaurants, including baratie.
Old man - minor character, won't show up too much.