I love the Luffy and Sanji Calvin and Hobbes strip. It combines two of my main loves, yay!
Thanks so much! Calvin and Hobbes must have been the best comic ever. ever.
throws off Third Person Cloak
OMG! It's Usopp's Birthday, which mean it's April Fool's Day! (isn't it the other way around?) I wrote a Happy Birthday fiction for Usopp over the course of LAST MONTH, because I anticipated it so much. Here it is, after keeping ahold of it for an entire week, waiting in expectation for oh so very very long. and now, although it will also be up on DA and FF.Net, YOU guys will see it FIRST! Feel lucky! NOW!
A/N: Really, I've written One Piece stories with Fangirls in them, and all of them have included friendly and evil fangirls, but this is the first story I've written where there are NO evil fangirls.
P.S. I dedicate this story to TABOO, because although I did not name her in the story, I always imagined her to be the Fangirls' leader. Come on, you KNOW it's true!
Anyways, READ ON!
Usopp’s Surprise Birthday Party
By none other than Chrisanthy Kohn
“Cheer up, Usopp,” Sanji muttered as his sniper cried on the tablecloth, “It’s not so bad.”
“It’s not faiiiiiir…” Usopp whined, big salty tears running down his nose, “It’s almost my birthday… and no one loves meeeeee!”
“What about that girl who gave you this hunk of junk?” The cook asked, flipping a pancake. Usopp went from crying to angered, and glared at the back of the blonde’s head.
“KAYA is an exception!” He roared, “And the Going Merry Go is NOT JUNK!” After huffing and fuming a bit, he suddenly moaned and slammed his forehead on the dining table, his nose curling downward as he did so. Sanji sighed as he placed the finished pancake on a plate and tossed it in the “PMSing” sniper’s direction. Usopp looked up, and rubbed his nose a bit, pulling the pancake towards him and poking it. He looked dejectedly at Sanji, and a fork bounced off his forehead when the cook chucked it at him.
“Quit whining, you baby, there are plenty of fangirls who like you.” Sanji muttered as Usopp poked his snack halfheartedly.
“Liar…” Usopp said. Sanji moaned at the whining of his Nakama.
“YOU’RE the liar, if you forgot, moron,” Sanji pointed out. He was wiping the pan off with some running water as Usopp continued poking at his food, when suddenly the door to the galley opened, and Nami came in, checking the newspaper that the Straw Hats received.
“What morons,” She muttered as she settled down at the table, across from Usopp, and opened the paper, “Can you believe it? 20 Beli. I’m going to kill something.”
“Nami-Swan,” Sanji said, smiling in her direction, as she flipped a page, “If you don’t mind, I’ll pay for the paper next time!”
“Sure, that sounds fine, Sanji-Kun,” Nami said. Sanji scrubbed faster, his eye turning into a heart. He didn’t notice that Nami was paying no attention to him. She flipped another page, and suddenly blinked as something hard and something papery fell into her lap. She blinked and turned to the cook, “Oi, Sanji-Kun, another one came! In the newspaper this time!”
“Oh, really?” Sanji asked, looking over Nami’s shoulder. She lifted the tiny velvet box up and an envelope that said, “To Sanji-Sama!” “Awww, how sweet,” He cooed, taking the box up and tearing the envelope open. Usopp mimed silently in disgust, and Sanji read off the letter, looking rather touched, “I am so sorry this is late, but I was saving up the money to buy the perfect gift! That is so sweet!” His eye turned back into a heart and his cigarette smoke matched as he hugged the paper close to him.
“Nearly a month late and he still loves it…” Usopp muttered angrily to himself as Sanji opened the tiny box. It was, obviously…
“This has got to be one of the cutest engagement rings I’ve gotten this year!” The cook exclaimed, “A gift from one of my adoring FEMALE (yay) fans. My life has been completed once again.”
Nami held her hand out, “And since you won’t be using it, do you mind, Sanji-Kun?”
“You can’t have it, Nami-San, this is a gift from my… Oh, who could say ‘no’ to you?” The cook dropped the ring into Nami’s hand, and she bit on it, smiling as she felt how soft it was.
“Wow, real gold. Quite a catch, Sanji-Kun,” Nami said, inspecting the ring. Sanji had already teleported from behind Nami to leaning on the table, staring into her eyes and murmuring “Mellorine” at random intervals. Usopp stood up and dropped his fork on the plate.
Nami looked at the pancake, “What’s wrong, Usopp? You haven’t even touched your snack.”
“Not hungry,” The sniper replied, stuffing his hands in his pockets and shuffling out of the galley to sulk in the men’s quarters. Sanji flirts with Nami and he STILL gets all the fangirls pining over him. It just wasn’t fair. He clomped down the stairs to the middle deck where Luffy and Chopper were throwing confetti into the air. All of it came from the surprise birthday party that the Fangirls threw for Sanji on his birthday towards the beginning of the March month. The two of them had gathered it all up so they could play with it later. Robin chastised them a bit about the small pieces getting into their eyes when they thought up their “ingenious” plan, but they paid her no heed.
“Something wrong, Long Nose-Kun?” Robin asked before Usopp could slink below decks. She actually closed her book (gasp), and turned to the sniper before he could blow the question off. The archeologist was quiet, which meant she was a good listener, “You look down. I’m all ears.”
Usopp sighed. He couldn’t deny her at least a bit of talk; she stopped reading for him and everything! She really was a wonderful Nakama… “Well, it’s like this,” He began, sitting down in front of Robin as Chopper and Luffy played in the background, “It’s my birthday tomorrow, and… well… I know that the Fangirls don’t care.”
“You… know?” Robin asked, looking particularly interested although she knew the answer.
“Yeah…” Usopp said, “Did you see what ZORO got for his birthday?”
“Oh yes, enough weights to sink the Going Merry Go and three Marine Battleships,” Robin replied, just as the Going Merry Go shifted slightly, because Zoro had moved with his weights in hand, “But what does that have anything to do with fangirls disliking you, Long Nose-Kun?”
“It’s just that… they don’t like me!” He stood up, pointing to his nose, “I’m Brave Captain Usopp-Sama! A pirate captain! People don’t like me because I’m the scariest and strongest of the Straw Hats!” Robin stared up at Usopp, a smirk on her face. She was humoring Usopp, and the sniper finally gave up, sighing and letting his arms sag, “It’s just that… they don’t like liars. They want REAL strong people. People who can fight enemies… and win…”
“You can’t defeat your enemies?” Robin asked, her voice showing a tinge of (false) surprise. Usopp grumbled at her actions. She wasn’t taking this conversation seriously at all!
“Of course I can’t!” Usopp started ticking his fingers off as he continued, “Arlong, Smoker, Crocodile, Eneru, Foxy… all of these guys are too strong! I can’t fight them! And if I DO beat someone, people decide that’s because they were the weak people anyway. How am I supposed to get some recognition?”
“I’ll tell you one thing,” Robin said, serious as all get out, “Whining won’t get you any.” Usopp threw his arms into the air, as if to say “I give up!” and stormed below deck, grumbling profanities under his breath. Luffy and Chopper looked after him a while, but once they realized that no one was getting in the way of their playing, they returned to their tossing of confetti everywhere, and Robin shook her head. She settled back into her sun chair, pulled open her book, and started reading it once again.
“Ahhhh, Island Ho!” Sanji called to the Straw Hat Pirates. Nami smiled at the cook, and gave him a thumbs up. Sanji gave Nami a “Mellorine!” as she looked to the rest of the Straw Hat Pirates.
“Prepare to land! Luffy, for once, do something!” The captain smirked at Nami from atop his favorite spot, and hopped off of the Going Merry Go’s sheep figurehead. He started over to draw the sails up, and suddenly called at the navigator, “Oi! Nami! Where’s Usopp?”
“He… wasn’t feeling well,” Sanji replied, “I think he’s still in bed, resting.”
“Not feeling well?” Nami asked, sounding worried. His birthday was tomorrow, too! What a terrible time to get sick… She then felt something sink in HER stomach too. She figured now that the reason Usopp was so sick was because he was still worried about his birthday. Who could blame the guy? Sanji had recently received a new formal tuxedo for his birthday (apparently, the fangirl who gave it to him was asking him to wear it at their wedding…)!
“Well then, let’s not worry about it now,” Zoro said, making the other Straw Hats look at the swordsman, “This place seems uninhabited. We should just worry about foraging enough supplies until the Log Pose sets, and we can leave.”
“Zoro!” Nami hissed, making Chopper hide on the stairs from the woman’s wrath, “What are you talking about? We can’t just let Usopp mope like this! We need to find some fangirls to cheer him up!”
“You think that’ll cheer him up?” Robin asked. Nami looked down at the archeologist, who shook her head, “You can’t just imagine up some Fangirls. They can imagine up Mary Sues, indeed, but you can’t force someone to like another person. Besides, no matter how many people like the sniper, he won’t be satisfied that it’s as much as our Captain-San. He will never be satisfied…”
“You make him sound like a monster that devours the poor girls…” Nami mumbled, looking out at the island. Her eyes widened, however, when she noticed a bunch of people standing out on the beach. She blinked, and looked at Sanji, “Sanji-Kun! See that banner? Grab the spyglass and check what it’s saying!”
Sanji saluted, and peered into the spyglass. After a moment of baited breath, a smile was brought to his lips, “Nami-San…” The cook said, turning to the navigator, “Guess what it says?”
Nami’s eyes began to get wet, “‘Happy Birthday, Usopp’?” She guessed, correctly.
“Alright!” A woman said through a megaphone as a bunch of women (and a handful of men, as well), cheered their leader on, “We can all see the Going Merry before us! Once the Straw Hats dock, we have to give our birthday boy some room to breathe, so jeez, if you DO wanna give him all your gifts, then get in line! The last we need is to smother the poor guy!” Another cheer erupted from the crowd, and the six fans that were holding the banner waved it back and forth, “And for GOD’S sake, people, if you DO get the urge to touch his nose, ME FIRST!”
The entire crowd screamed aloud, hooting, stomping, and roaring greeted the Going Merry Go as she came up to the beach. Zoro looked down at the small crowd, not nearly as huge as his or maybe Sanji’s (Maybe…), but to come all the way out to a remote island… their devotion for the sniper was gigantic. He motioned that he acknowledged their existence, and dropped anchor. One of the men shook his fist at the swordsman as a Fangirl hopped out of the way of the anchor. He turned and stomped off; he figured the moron would get the most annoying Fancharacters. Nami stared down at the wide eyed and expectant Fanpeople. They looked so intent on seeing Usopp for the first time that she could tell that they wouldn’t notice if she swept through the crowds, pick pocketing each and every one.
The Fanpeople stared up at the Going Merry Go’s figurehead, staring at Luffy as the captain dropped down among the crowds, “Hello everyone!” He called to them, his rubber lungs holding enough air that his voice projected to all of the people, without the need of a megaphone, “I’m glad you came to celebrate my sniper’s birthday!” There was silence, and Luffy looked around at the shining, wide eyes that surrounded him, “Huh? What’s wrong?”
“WHERE IS HE?” The shouting came so loudly that Luffy’s head bounced back and forth. Sanji sighed a bit as he counted the people. So much for taking most of the day off of cooking…
“Usopp! Usopp, you won’t be able to guess who’s on the island!” Chopper shouted, clambering down the ladder into the men’s quarters. He saw a hammock swing lazily from side to side, wider than the others, and realized Usopp was in it. He blinked when the sniper refused to answer, and he dropped to the floor, hooves plinking on the floor as he walked over to the hammock, “Usopp! You gotta wake up!”
“Go ‘way,” The sniper muttered shifting a bit so he was facing away from the reindeer, “I’m not feeling well…”
Chopper huffed, crossing his arms. For a brave man of the sea, he sure could be childish at times, “Come on, Usopp! Guess what’s on the island?”
“Well, that’s true,” The doctor said, after thinking about it. The reindeer then shook his head, and shouted at the sniper, “No! That’s not what I was talking about! They’re waiting for you!”
Silence… Chopper blinked as Usopp turned, staring down at the reindeer, “W… who’s waiting?”
Chopper smiled at the sniper, “I’ll give you three guesses…”
The crowd waited with baited breath as Robin’s hands dropped the ladder and their eyes widened as a figure approached but groaned when it was Nami but then widened as Chopper came and said something that made their eyes bug out, “Hey everyone! He’s coming!” And they cheered as another figure approached and half of them swooned when they saw that it WAS Usopp!
“Usopp-Sama!” The other half chorused, making Usopp smile sheepishly, waving. He always whined about not having any Fangirls, but seeing this many made him embarrassed! They loved him! They really loved him! “Usopp-Sama! We got you lots of gifts! Come down! Come down and we can throw you your party!”
“M… my party?” Usopp asked, looking down at the crowd.
They all nodded, “Happy Birthday, Usopp-Sama!” The group shouted, pulling out multiple objects, including party hats, confetti (Luffy and Chopper were happy), balloons and presents! “Usopp-Sama! Tell us all about your wonderful adventures!” They proclaimed.
Usopp stood on the Going Merry Go, staring down at everyone, his eyes wide. They… they really… did… “I know!” He shouted, practically leaping OFF of the ship to get to his party faster, “I can tell you about the time I defeated Miss Merry Christmas and Mr. 4 AT THE SAME TIME!” Chopper sighed as the crowd cheered, noticing that he conveniently left out the reindeer’s name…
“See? See, Usopp-Kun?” The Straw Hats looked down at the party as one of the Fangirls showed Usopp to his birthday present, “I made a Mary Sue JUST for you!”
Sanji chuckled under his breath as Usopp wiped a tear from his eye, “It’s… it’s just what I always wanted…”
The Straw Hat pirates had joined the festivities only shortly after Usopp was bombarded with his presents, which mostly included tons of gunpowder. He told countless stories of his adventures, and the fans laughed at the extra “additives” he gave, such as Eneru being defeated by him simply because he weakened the “god” enough to be defeated by Luffy, which really didn’t make much sense, but the fans didn’t mind. They thanked Sanji as he prepared their meal, and they thanked Zoro as they had him cut the wood for the fire. There were only a few scrapes during the party, but Chopper was sure to fix them up so they wouldn’t get infected. Luffy partied with the group, and Nami sighed at the fact that most of the fans were all broke on presents they had bought for Usopp. The festivities lasted all day…
…and well into the next day, Usopp’s birthday. Morning arrived, and Nami blinked at the Log Pose as the Fancharacters happily loaded the Going Merry Go with tons of food (“Make it LOTS of meat!” Luffy crowed), and stood up, “Hey, everyone!” She cried, pointing at the pose, her eyes wide, “It’s… it’s pointing at the next island!”
“Awww! Does that mean we have to leave?” Luffy asked, “I didn’t explore enough yet!”
“You explored plenty,” Robin murmured gently as Zoro stalked past the captain towards the Going Merry Go. Luffy and several of Usopp’s Fanboys chuckled silently to each other, remembering the adventures they had on the island during the party. The Fancharacters all sniffled when they heard that the Straw Hats were leaving, and many of the Fangirls glommed onto their favorite character, crying out “Don’t go!” The one in the front was his present, the Mary Sue, who gave the Straw Hats big, puppy dog eyes, “Please, please!” She cried, “Let me come with you! I want to be with Usopp, my one true love!” The sniper blushed as Sanji and Zoro began to fight.
“She’s a pretty woman, and she wants to come, so she’s COMING!”
“If we bring HER along, we’ll have to bring all the OTHER Sues, and GOD FORBID we sink the poor ship with WOMEN fawning over you!”
“What about YOU? All they do is make a bunch of Nami-San clones that swoon at the sight of you! Why the HELL would Nami-San want to love a Marimo like YOU?”
“Same for YOU, Dartboard Eyebrow!”
“NOW you’ve done it! You want some of this? HUH?”
“Hurry! We’re heading off!” Luffy said, “Goodbye, everyone! I can’t wait to see you again! See you next year!”
“NEXT YEAR!” The crowd screamed, waving as the pirates boarded the Going Merry Go, “You’d better not make fun of Usopp-Sama, or else the next time we meet, we’ll gut you all alive!”
Zoro laughed aloud, “I can’t wait to see THAT!” He said as the dragged the anchor up from the ocean. The ship slid from the beach, and Nami shouted aloud:
“We’re off! Everyone, let’s go!” Luffy shouted from atop his special seat. The Straw Hats waved one final farewell to Usopp’s loyal followers, and the ship sailed off into the sea. Usopp leaned against the railing, exhausted, and his captain chuckled in his sniper’s direction, “Happy birthday, Usopp!”
Usopp chuckled, “Thanks a lot, Luffy…”
“HEEEEEEY!” The Straw Hats heard Nami squealing at a Delivery Pelican, who was trying to yank back the envelope the navigator had gotten hold of. Sanji gave the pelican a swift kick to the head for giving his dear Nami-San future grey hairs, and the bird decided the envelope wasn’t important enough, and flew away in a huff. Nami took the letter in her hands, and looked at who it was addressed to, “Hey! Usopp, it’s for you! From…” She grinned devilishly, “K-A-Y-A…”
“Kaya!” Usopp exclaimed, leaping up and rushing over to Nami. Luffy laughed aloud as the sniper snatched the letter from the navigator’s hands (making Sanji roar threateningly at his Nakama), and he used his fingernail to cleanly open it, ignoring the slight paper cut it gave him. He practically ripped the paper out and read through the letter. It read thusly:
Hello! It’s me, Kaya. I’ve been going outside a lot more. Merry says I have a tan, but I think he’s just trying to make me feel better. It’s really lonely here without you, Usopp-San, although your wonderful pirate crew has been keeping me company. I’m going to be a doctor, did you know? I want to show you my skills when you come home. I know it’s going to be a long time until you return, but I can wait. However, I may get impatient and come find you myself! I’m joking, silly. Merry was so scared when I told him that joke. “Kaya-Ojousama, a pirate?” He nearly flipped his lid! Anyway, what I wanted to tell you was that I miss you lots, and I wanted to wish you a very happy birthday. Hopefully this will get to you on your birthday. I told them to deliver it on April Fool’s Day. They thought I was playing a prank! I’ll… wait for you forever to return, so promise me you will, Usopp-San.
Usopp smiled at the letter, a tear forming in his eye, “K… Kaya… I wish I could be there to cheer you up…” He looked around at his Nakama, giant tears falling from his eyes, “Everyone… this is the best birthday I’ve EVER had!”
The Straw Hat Pirates smiled at their sniper, and he grinned widely, “And, you know what? It’s kinda funny…” The pirates blinked at Usopp, and he laughed aloud, “You ALL fell for it! I wasn’t worried at ALL about my birthday, and you went out of your way to make sure my birthday was better than all of yours put together! APRIL FOOLS!”
He continued to smile, but suddenly blinked when he saw the stares he was getting, “H… hey, Sanji… it was just a joke, you know? April Fools! Hahaha! It’s supposed to be funny! Huh? Zoro…?”
Robin flipped a page of her book as Sanji and Zoro rushed after their sniper, “I’ll KILL you!” Was what the resounding voices exclaimed. The Grand Line was lively once again…