@Demon:
I love the Luffy and Sanji Calvin and Hobbes strip. It combines two of my main loves, yay!
Thanks so much! Calvin and Hobbes must have been the best comic ever. ever. 
throws off Third Person Cloak
OMG! It's Usopp's Birthday, which mean it's April Fool's Day! (isn't it the other way around?) I wrote a Happy Birthday fiction for Usopp over the course of LAST MONTH, because I anticipated it so much. Here it is, after keeping ahold of it for an entire week, waiting in expectation for oh so very very long. and now, although it will also be up on DA and FF.Net, YOU guys will see it FIRST! Feel lucky! NOW!
A/N: Really, I've written One Piece stories with Fangirls in them, and all of them have included friendly and evil fangirls, but this is the first story I've written where there are NO evil fangirls.
P.S. I dedicate this story to TABOO, because although I did not name her in the story, I always imagined her to be the Fangirls' leader. Come on, you KNOW it's true!
Anyways, READ ON!
â-
Usoppâs Surprise Birthday Party
By none other than Chrisanthy Kohn
âCheer up, Usopp,â Sanji muttered as his sniper cried on the tablecloth, âItâs not so bad.â
âItâs not faiiiiiirâŚâ Usopp whined, big salty tears running down his nose, âItâs almost my birthday⌠and no one loves meeeeee!â
âWhat about that girl who gave you this hunk of junk?â The cook asked, flipping a pancake. Usopp went from crying to angered, and glared at the back of the blondeâs head.
âKAYA is an exception!â He roared, âAnd the Going Merry Go is NOT JUNK!â After huffing and fuming a bit, he suddenly moaned and slammed his forehead on the dining table, his nose curling downward as he did so. Sanji sighed as he placed the finished pancake on a plate and tossed it in the âPMSingâ sniperâs direction. Usopp looked up, and rubbed his nose a bit, pulling the pancake towards him and poking it. He looked dejectedly at Sanji, and a fork bounced off his forehead when the cook chucked it at him.
âQuit whining, you baby, there are plenty of fangirls who like you.â Sanji muttered as Usopp poked his snack halfheartedly.
âLiarâŚâ Usopp said. Sanji moaned at the whining of his Nakama.
âYOUâRE the liar, if you forgot, moron,â Sanji pointed out. He was wiping the pan off with some running water as Usopp continued poking at his food, when suddenly the door to the galley opened, and Nami came in, checking the newspaper that the Straw Hats received.
âWhat morons,â She muttered as she settled down at the table, across from Usopp, and opened the paper, âCan you believe it? 20 Beli. Iâm going to kill something.â
âNami-Swan,â Sanji said, smiling in her direction, as she flipped a page, âIf you donât mind, Iâll pay for the paper next time!â
âSure, that sounds fine, Sanji-Kun,â Nami said. Sanji scrubbed faster, his eye turning into a heart. He didnât notice that Nami was paying no attention to him. She flipped another page, and suddenly blinked as something hard and something papery fell into her lap. She blinked and turned to the cook, âOi, Sanji-Kun, another one came! In the newspaper this time!â
âOh, really?â Sanji asked, looking over Namiâs shoulder. She lifted the tiny velvet box up and an envelope that said, âTo Sanji-Sama!â âAwww, how sweet,â He cooed, taking the box up and tearing the envelope open. Usopp mimed silently in disgust, and Sanji read off the letter, looking rather touched, âI am so sorry this is late, but I was saving up the money to buy the perfect gift! That is so sweet!â His eye turned back into a heart and his cigarette smoke matched as he hugged the paper close to him.
âNearly a month late and he still loves itâŚâ Usopp muttered angrily to himself as Sanji opened the tiny box. It was, obviouslyâŚ
âThis has got to be one of the cutest engagement rings Iâve gotten this year!â The cook exclaimed, âA gift from one of my adoring FEMALE (yay) fans. My life has been completed once again.â
Nami held her hand out, âAnd since you wonât be using it, do you mind, Sanji-Kun?â
âYou canât have it, Nami-San, this is a gift from my⌠Oh, who could say ânoâ to you?â The cook dropped the ring into Namiâs hand, and she bit on it, smiling as she felt how soft it was.
âWow, real gold. Quite a catch, Sanji-Kun,â Nami said, inspecting the ring. Sanji had already teleported from behind Nami to leaning on the table, staring into her eyes and murmuring âMellorineâ at random intervals. Usopp stood up and dropped his fork on the plate.
Nami looked at the pancake, âWhatâs wrong, Usopp? You havenât even touched your snack.â
âNot hungry,â The sniper replied, stuffing his hands in his pockets and shuffling out of the galley to sulk in the menâs quarters. Sanji flirts with Nami and he STILL gets all the fangirls pining over him. It just wasnât fair. He clomped down the stairs to the middle deck where Luffy and Chopper were throwing confetti into the air. All of it came from the surprise birthday party that the Fangirls threw for Sanji on his birthday towards the beginning of the March month. The two of them had gathered it all up so they could play with it later. Robin chastised them a bit about the small pieces getting into their eyes when they thought up their âingeniousâ plan, but they paid her no heed.
âSomething wrong, Long Nose-Kun?â Robin asked before Usopp could slink below decks. She actually closed her book (gasp), and turned to the sniper before he could blow the question off. The archeologist was quiet, which meant she was a good listener, âYou look down. Iâm all ears.â
Usopp sighed. He couldnât deny her at least a bit of talk; she stopped reading for him and everything! She really was a wonderful Nakama⌠âWell, itâs like this,â He began, sitting down in front of Robin as Chopper and Luffy played in the background, âItâs my birthday tomorrow, and⌠well⌠I know that the Fangirls donât care.â
âYou⌠know?â Robin asked, looking particularly interested although she knew the answer.
âYeahâŚâ Usopp said, âDid you see what ZORO got for his birthday?â
âOh yes, enough weights to sink the Going Merry Go and three Marine Battleships,â Robin replied, just as the Going Merry Go shifted slightly, because Zoro had moved with his weights in hand, âBut what does that have anything to do with fangirls disliking you, Long Nose-Kun?â
âItâs just that⌠they donât like me!â He stood up, pointing to his nose, âIâm Brave Captain Usopp-Sama! A pirate captain! People donât like me because Iâm the scariest and strongest of the Straw Hats!â Robin stared up at Usopp, a smirk on her face. She was humoring Usopp, and the sniper finally gave up, sighing and letting his arms sag, âItâs just that⌠they donât like liars. They want REAL strong people. People who can fight enemies⌠and winâŚâ
âYou canât defeat your enemies?â Robin asked, her voice showing a tinge of (false) surprise. Usopp grumbled at her actions. She wasnât taking this conversation seriously at all!
âOf course I canât!â Usopp started ticking his fingers off as he continued, âArlong, Smoker, Crocodile, Eneru, Foxy⌠all of these guys are too strong! I canât fight them! And if I DO beat someone, people decide thatâs because they were the weak people anyway. How am I supposed to get some recognition?â
âIâll tell you one thing,â Robin said, serious as all get out, âWhining wonât get you any.â Usopp threw his arms into the air, as if to say âI give up!â and stormed below deck, grumbling profanities under his breath. Luffy and Chopper looked after him a while, but once they realized that no one was getting in the way of their playing, they returned to their tossing of confetti everywhere, and Robin shook her head. She settled back into her sun chair, pulled open her book, and started reading it once again.
â-
âAhhhh, Island Ho!â Sanji called to the Straw Hat Pirates. Nami smiled at the cook, and gave him a thumbs up. Sanji gave Nami a âMellorine!â as she looked to the rest of the Straw Hat Pirates.
âPrepare to land! Luffy, for once, do something!â The captain smirked at Nami from atop his favorite spot, and hopped off of the Going Merry Goâs sheep figurehead. He started over to draw the sails up, and suddenly called at the navigator, âOi! Nami! Whereâs Usopp?â
âHe⌠wasnât feeling well,â Sanji replied, âI think heâs still in bed, resting.â
âNot feeling well?â Nami asked, sounding worried. His birthday was tomorrow, too! What a terrible time to get sick⌠She then felt something sink in HER stomach too. She figured now that the reason Usopp was so sick was because he was still worried about his birthday. Who could blame the guy? Sanji had recently received a new formal tuxedo for his birthday (apparently, the fangirl who gave it to him was asking him to wear it at their weddingâŚ)!
âWell then, letâs not worry about it now,â Zoro said, making the other Straw Hats look at the swordsman, âThis place seems uninhabited. We should just worry about foraging enough supplies until the Log Pose sets, and we can leave.â
âZoro!â Nami hissed, making Chopper hide on the stairs from the womanâs wrath, âWhat are you talking about? We canât just let Usopp mope like this! We need to find some fangirls to cheer him up!â
âYou think thatâll cheer him up?â Robin asked. Nami looked down at the archeologist, who shook her head, âYou canât just imagine up some Fangirls. They can imagine up Mary Sues, indeed, but you canât force someone to like another person. Besides, no matter how many people like the sniper, he wonât be satisfied that itâs as much as our Captain-San. He will never be satisfiedâŚâ
âYou make him sound like a monster that devours the poor girlsâŚâ Nami mumbled, looking out at the island. Her eyes widened, however, when she noticed a bunch of people standing out on the beach. She blinked, and looked at Sanji, âSanji-Kun! See that banner? Grab the spyglass and check what itâs saying!â
Sanji saluted, and peered into the spyglass. After a moment of baited breath, a smile was brought to his lips, âNami-SanâŚâ The cook said, turning to the navigator, âGuess what it says?â
Namiâs eyes began to get wet, ââHappy Birthday, Usoppâ?â She guessed, correctly.
âAlright!â A woman said through a megaphone as a bunch of women (and a handful of men, as well), cheered their leader on, âWe can all see the Going Merry before us! Once the Straw Hats dock, we have to give our birthday boy some room to breathe, so jeez, if you DO wanna give him all your gifts, then get in line! The last we need is to smother the poor guy!â Another cheer erupted from the crowd, and the six fans that were holding the banner waved it back and forth, âAnd for GODâS sake, people, if you DO get the urge to touch his nose, ME FIRST!â
The entire crowd screamed aloud, hooting, stomping, and roaring greeted the Going Merry Go as she came up to the beach. Zoro looked down at the small crowd, not nearly as huge as his or maybe Sanjiâs (MaybeâŚ), but to come all the way out to a remote island⌠their devotion for the sniper was gigantic. He motioned that he acknowledged their existence, and dropped anchor. One of the men shook his fist at the swordsman as a Fangirl hopped out of the way of the anchor. He turned and stomped off; he figured the moron would get the most annoying Fancharacters. Nami stared down at the wide eyed and expectant Fanpeople. They looked so intent on seeing Usopp for the first time that she could tell that they wouldnât notice if she swept through the crowds, pick pocketing each and every one.
The Fanpeople stared up at the Going Merry Goâs figurehead, staring at Luffy as the captain dropped down among the crowds, âHello everyone!â He called to them, his rubber lungs holding enough air that his voice projected to all of the people, without the need of a megaphone, âIâm glad you came to celebrate my sniperâs birthday!â There was silence, and Luffy looked around at the shining, wide eyes that surrounded him, âHuh? Whatâs wrong?â
âWHERE IS HE?â The shouting came so loudly that Luffyâs head bounced back and forth. Sanji sighed a bit as he counted the people. So much for taking most of the day off of cookingâŚ
âUsopp! Usopp, you wonât be able to guess whoâs on the island!â Chopper shouted, clambering down the ladder into the menâs quarters. He saw a hammock swing lazily from side to side, wider than the others, and realized Usopp was in it. He blinked when the sniper refused to answer, and he dropped to the floor, hooves plinking on the floor as he walked over to the hammock, âUsopp! You gotta wake up!â
âGo âway,â The sniper muttered shifting a bit so he was facing away from the reindeer, âIâm not feeling wellâŚâ
Chopper huffed, crossing his arms. For a brave man of the sea, he sure could be childish at times, âCome on, Usopp! Guess whatâs on the island?â
âFoodâŚâ
âWell, thatâs true,â The doctor said, after thinking about it. The reindeer then shook his head, and shouted at the sniper, âNo! Thatâs not what I was talking about! Theyâre waiting for you!â
Silence⌠Chopper blinked as Usopp turned, staring down at the reindeer, âW⌠whoâs waiting?â
Chopper smiled at the sniper, âIâll give you three guessesâŚâ
The crowd waited with baited breath as Robinâs hands dropped the ladder and their eyes widened as a figure approached but groaned when it was Nami but then widened as Chopper came and said something that made their eyes bug out, âHey everyone! Heâs coming!â And they cheered as another figure approached and half of them swooned when they saw that it WAS Usopp!
âUsopp-Sama!â The other half chorused, making Usopp smile sheepishly, waving. He always whined about not having any Fangirls, but seeing this many made him embarrassed! They loved him! They really loved him! âUsopp-Sama! We got you lots of gifts! Come down! Come down and we can throw you your party!â
âM⌠my party?â Usopp asked, looking down at the crowd.
They all nodded, âHappy Birthday, Usopp-Sama!â The group shouted, pulling out multiple objects, including party hats, confetti (Luffy and Chopper were happy), balloons and presents! âUsopp-Sama! Tell us all about your wonderful adventures!â They proclaimed.
Usopp stood on the Going Merry Go, staring down at everyone, his eyes wide. They⌠they really⌠did⌠âI know!â He shouted, practically leaping OFF of the ship to get to his party faster, âI can tell you about the time I defeated Miss Merry Christmas and Mr. 4 AT THE SAME TIME!â Chopper sighed as the crowd cheered, noticing that he conveniently left out the reindeerâs nameâŚ
âSee? See, Usopp-Kun?â The Straw Hats looked down at the party as one of the Fangirls showed Usopp to his birthday present, âI made a Mary Sue JUST for you!â
Sanji chuckled under his breath as Usopp wiped a tear from his eye, âItâs⌠itâs just what I always wantedâŚâ
The Straw Hat pirates had joined the festivities only shortly after Usopp was bombarded with his presents, which mostly included tons of gunpowder. He told countless stories of his adventures, and the fans laughed at the extra âadditivesâ he gave, such as Eneru being defeated by him simply because he weakened the âgodâ enough to be defeated by Luffy, which really didnât make much sense, but the fans didnât mind. They thanked Sanji as he prepared their meal, and they thanked Zoro as they had him cut the wood for the fire. There were only a few scrapes during the party, but Chopper was sure to fix them up so they wouldnât get infected. Luffy partied with the group, and Nami sighed at the fact that most of the fans were all broke on presents they had bought for Usopp. The festivities lasted all dayâŚ
âŚand well into the next day, Usoppâs birthday. Morning arrived, and Nami blinked at the Log Pose as the Fancharacters happily loaded the Going Merry Go with tons of food (âMake it LOTS of meat!â Luffy crowed), and stood up, âHey, everyone!â She cried, pointing at the pose, her eyes wide, âItâs⌠itâs pointing at the next island!â
âAwww! Does that mean we have to leave?â Luffy asked, âI didnât explore enough yet!â
âYou explored plenty,â Robin murmured gently as Zoro stalked past the captain towards the Going Merry Go. Luffy and several of Usoppâs Fanboys chuckled silently to each other, remembering the adventures they had on the island during the party. The Fancharacters all sniffled when they heard that the Straw Hats were leaving, and many of the Fangirls glommed onto their favorite character, crying out âDonât go!â The one in the front was his present, the Mary Sue, who gave the Straw Hats big, puppy dog eyes, âPlease, please!â She cried, âLet me come with you! I want to be with Usopp, my one true love!â The sniper blushed as Sanji and Zoro began to fight.
âSheâs a pretty woman, and she wants to come, so sheâs COMING!â
âIf we bring HER along, weâll have to bring all the OTHER Sues, and GOD FORBID we sink the poor ship with WOMEN fawning over you!â
âWhat about YOU? All they do is make a bunch of Nami-San clones that swoon at the sight of you! Why the HELL would Nami-San want to love a Marimo like YOU?â
âSame for YOU, Dartboard Eyebrow!â
âNOW youâve done it! You want some of this? HUH?â
âHurry! Weâre heading off!â Luffy said, âGoodbye, everyone! I canât wait to see you again! See you next year!â
âNEXT YEAR!â The crowd screamed, waving as the pirates boarded the Going Merry Go, âYouâd better not make fun of Usopp-Sama, or else the next time we meet, weâll gut you all alive!â
Zoro laughed aloud, âI canât wait to see THAT!â He said as the dragged the anchor up from the ocean. The ship slid from the beach, and Nami shouted aloud:
âWeâre off! Everyone, letâs go!â Luffy shouted from atop his special seat. The Straw Hats waved one final farewell to Usoppâs loyal followers, and the ship sailed off into the sea. Usopp leaned against the railing, exhausted, and his captain chuckled in his sniperâs direction, âHappy birthday, Usopp!â
Usopp chuckled, âThanks a lot, LuffyâŚâ
âHEEEEEEY!â The Straw Hats heard Nami squealing at a Delivery Pelican, who was trying to yank back the envelope the navigator had gotten hold of. Sanji gave the pelican a swift kick to the head for giving his dear Nami-San future grey hairs, and the bird decided the envelope wasnât important enough, and flew away in a huff. Nami took the letter in her hands, and looked at who it was addressed to, âHey! Usopp, itâs for you! FromâŚâ She grinned devilishly, âK-A-Y-AâŚâ
âKaya!â Usopp exclaimed, leaping up and rushing over to Nami. Luffy laughed aloud as the sniper snatched the letter from the navigatorâs hands (making Sanji roar threateningly at his Nakama), and he used his fingernail to cleanly open it, ignoring the slight paper cut it gave him. He practically ripped the paper out and read through the letter. It read thusly:
Dear Usopp-San:
Hello! Itâs me, Kaya. Iâve been going outside a lot more. Merry says I have a tan, but I think heâs just trying to make me feel better. Itâs really lonely here without you, Usopp-San, although your wonderful pirate crew has been keeping me company. Iâm going to be a doctor, did you know? I want to show you my skills when you come home. I know itâs going to be a long time until you return, but I can wait. However, I may get impatient and come find you myself! Iâm joking, silly. Merry was so scared when I told him that joke. âKaya-Ojousama, a pirate?â He nearly flipped his lid! Anyway, what I wanted to tell you was that I miss you lots, and I wanted to wish you a very happy birthday. Hopefully this will get to you on your birthday. I told them to deliver it on April Foolâs Day. They thought I was playing a prank! Iâll⌠wait for you forever to return, so promise me you will, Usopp-San.
Much Love;
Kaya.
Usopp smiled at the letter, a tear forming in his eye, âK⌠Kaya⌠I wish I could be there to cheer you upâŚâ He looked around at his Nakama, giant tears falling from his eyes, âEveryone⌠this is the best birthday Iâve EVER had!â
The Straw Hat Pirates smiled at their sniper, and he grinned widely, âAnd, you know what? Itâs kinda funnyâŚâ The pirates blinked at Usopp, and he laughed aloud, âYou ALL fell for it! I wasnât worried at ALL about my birthday, and you went out of your way to make sure my birthday was better than all of yours put together! APRIL FOOLS!â
He continued to smile, but suddenly blinked when he saw the stares he was getting, âH⌠hey, Sanji⌠it was just a joke, you know? April Fools! Hahaha! Itâs supposed to be funny! Huh? ZoroâŚ?â
Robin flipped a page of her book as Sanji and Zoro rushed after their sniper, âIâll KILL you!â Was what the resounding voices exclaimed. The Grand Line was lively once againâŚ
THE END!
 
