Sooo I wasn't going to post here, and I feel kinda silly writing this, buuuut…
For some reason, I found it very hard to get into the Christmas spirit this year. Looking back, I couldn't find a lot of good about myself, or other people, or even my situation, to warrant any sort of happiness. It all just seemed... not very worth it. I hardly realized it was the Christmas season at all, until a few weeks ago. It just never set in, and it still hadn't. But Christmas in general does mean a lot to my family, and tonight was the evening my sister and grandmother could come over, so of course, I decided to join in, even though I felt kinda tired throughout the whole thing and didn't really get all that into it and large groups of loud people bother me in general and bleeeh. It got to the point where, even though I was putting on my best happy face, others were clearly starting to notice what a shitty mood I was in. I realized it should have been fun, but the holiday cheer was a little challenging to maintain.
Anyways, it was getting to the end of the party, and people were starting to clear away, and all of a sudden I found myself next to my infant niece, as a whole bunch of people left the room to go take care of something, and I was told to "stay and watch the baby." So I did. There I was. There was this kid. I'm not good with babies. They weird me out. I don't like feeling responsible for them at all. And there was this baby staring at me, as if she expected me to do something. I knew she was a baby and thus was still just thrilled by all that went on around her and only mildly perplexed by me, but I still felt the need to do a thing that wasn't staring weirdly back at her. I didn't know what. Now, I happen to be in a local production of A Christmas Carol, as the narrator, so I have a good amount of Dickens memorized. I thought, given the day, given the circumstances, I may as well put that to good use, and I started narrating the story to my niece (obviously much softer than I do on stage.) It was just something to do to keep myself occupied and possibly prevent the kid from crying, but what can ya do, right? I told the story as good as I knew how, and something weird happened. I have no idea if the baby was interested in me or not, but she was looking at me quietly, and I found myself enjoying it. I really liked the story, and I was truly happy I got the chance to share it with this infant who I knew couldn't possibly understand it. I actually felt a warm, holiday spirit, of some sort. And I remembered, just why I love acting, why I love stories at all. I love sharing what I have with others, to give them a bit of who I am, and if they can accept it, in whatever sort of fashion, it's the best feeling ever.
I guess, what I learned is, Christmas isn't about what other people are able or willing to do for you. It's about looking and finding the merriment and joy within yourself, and embracing it with others. Maybe some of you aren't having a great time this year, maybe you can't spend this time with those you really want to spend it with, and maybe the season doesn't give you anything that it does for others. Winter is a cold, crummy time, and it's an awful time to feel miserable and alone. Whatever goodness and kindness you have to share, go and give it to someone! It's been said way too many times, but Christmas is more than presents and shit. Any person, no matter who they are, can do good, and have a wonderful effect on someone else, so why not spread that feeling to all around you? To you, and to everyone, I want to extend some warmth and wishes for a merry, happy, super neat and lovely day. It might not be much, but it's what I have to give.
To all a good night, and all of that. Have an amazing year.
