Confession Session II

[Mr. Zoro]

Break-ups suck. And they suck even more when it's with someone you were with for 7 years (and even talked about marriage), and they left you for another person, after cheating on you.

I take some solace in knowing that I did all I could to help repair the relationship (and the fact that she didn't put in as much effort should've been a sign that it wasn't going to work out). Kinda sucks some more because I wasn't clued in on problems until they were too late (this was before the cheating). She was understandably afraid to bring them up when they occurred, but she went with the philosophy of "do nothing, and wait and hope things work out in the end", which never, ever works. If I didn't know there were problems, then there was no way I could've known things weren't okay.

Every single day I would text and send her messages, and now that I have to drop that cold turkey is incredibly hard, and it feels terribly lonely. It's like one of my limbs was violently hacked off, and I have to re-learn how to go through each day with this loss and work around it.
She still cares a lot about me, and wanted to remain friends, but given the circumstances, that's way out of the question for now, and impossible to ask for. There's no way I could be friends with someone who cheated on me, left me for another guy, and then wants me to be friends.

Thankfully, I've had wonderful friends who have been incredibly supportive and empathetic, and have given me some solid advice. Still, it's just hard to move on with life for a bit. I need to grieve about it. As well as process other emotions. Especially anger. This situation has left me so pissed and kinda bitter. I don't think I can forgive her just yet, but I don't want to be an angry and bitter person for the rest of my life.

I don't want to be mopey forever, but sometimes laying in bed all day sounds just fine.

[benjamminbrown]

@Mr.:

Sad story.

As someone who spent thirteen years in a similar sort of one-sided relationship, I think that I can understand the sort of emotions that you're going through right now. I actually ended up getting married to her, which ended in divorce after just a few years. Take it from me, at least you can be thankful that you didn't let yourself get to that point before learning that the relationship would never work.

I also had a really hard time dealing with the overwhelming emotions after my relationship fell apart, especially anger because it was an emotion that I had relatively little experience with in any meaningful way. The anger will subside, and you will probably end up feeling down for a while after that… how long that lasts will depend on how much work you put into your recovery. It's wonderful to hear that you have supportive friends who want you to do well! Lean on them, and don't make yourself feel badly for relying on them in your time of need. Keep in mind, though, that no friend or family member can take the place of a good, objective listener. Personally, I would recommend seeking out therapy if you can manage it - for a lot of people, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can work wonders in (re)establishing good thought patterns and healthy lifestyles that will help you to elevate your mood in the long run.

Even though this royally sucks, there's no way around it, count yourself lucky that you now have a chance to learn from the experience. When I was finally ready to start dating again, I knew exactly the kind of person and relationship that I was looking for, and in less than six months I'd found someone who was happy to be in an equitable, healthy, loving relationship with me!

Take your time, let yourself mope, scream, cry, etc. if you need to. Also let yourself have time alone, but don't become a hermit! Make sure to keep doing things that you know you love to do, even if you don't feel much like doing anything. This, too, shall pass, and you'll be a happier, wiser, and stronger person in the end because of it.

[Mr. Zoro]

@benjamminbrown:

Helpful stuff

Yeah, you're definitely right about it being better to have this happen now, rather than later. Some friends have discussed that with me, and I definitely would not have liked this happening later on, especially in a marriage. (Sorry to hear about your situation, by the way :sad: )

I have applied for counseling a few weeks ago, and now I just have to wait to hear back about an opening. Unfortunately, they're pretty busy and booked for a while, but I can wait. I've been to counseling before and have learned ways to process my emotions and feel valid, and I'm thankfully not in a position where I'm emotionally unstable, to the point I can't eat (been there before a long time ago). Still, I very much plan on going through it all with a counselor.

And you're right about learning from this, too. I've been writing things down, such as things I could've done better in our relationship (while at the same time, realizing the events that led to our downfall was not my fault), and I feel that I can properly identify some red flags if they ever come up in my future relationship(s). I'm also realizing what I don't want from a relationship, too (such as someone who refuses to handle problems until they're too late). While it's good to know, it just sucks I had to find it out in an excruciatingly painful way, and at the loss of a really good friend.

And now, the hard part is just waiting for time to do its thing and make it less painful. I want to genuinely believe I can be just as happy (better yet, even happier) in a future relationship, but right now it's just hard to see that since it's all so very recent.

Regardless, I'm trying to stay busy every day and finding new things to do and get into, so I at least get a little excitement out of that.

[benjamminbrown]

@Mr.:

I'm also realizing what I don't want from a relationship, too (such as someone who refuses to handle problems until they're too late).

Sounds like you've got a better head on your shoulders at this point than I did. Keep on keepin' on, friend. You'll be fine, no… more than that. You'll be better than you were!

[Hanz]

so not that anyone remembers or cares, but my life has gotten a lot better nowadays. my depression and paranoia are gone to a certain extend and i stopped dwelling on every little thing that happens to me.
but when i think back, i can't help but hate myself for being a bitch, i feel very disappointed with myself.
especially because in here if you get depressed or scared, you're instantly called crazy and weird. theres no such thing as going to a psychologist. you just bottle those things up, maybe cry by yourself and hope that things get better. and to a certain extend that's exactly how i should've done.
my family loves me but how can they see a man after what they've witnessed from me? how can they depend on someone who used to be paranoid and depressed?
i hope my actions will change their prospective on me…

[Zar]

@Hanz:

so not that anyone remembers or cares, but my life has gotten a lot better nowadays. my depression and paranoia are gone to a certain extend and i stopped dwelling on every little thing that happens to me.but when i think back, i can't help but hate myself for being a bitch, i feel very disappointed with myself. especially because in here if you get depressed or scared, you're instantly called crazy and weird. theres no such thing as going to a psychologist. you just bottle those things up, maybe cry by yourself and hope that things get better. and to a certain extend that's exactly how i should've done. my family loves me but how can they see a man after what they've witnessed from me? how can they depend on someone who used to be paranoid and depressed?i hope my actions will change their prospective on me…

I'm glad you're getting better! From what I understand you were in a bad place and it made you act in a bad way, but the fact that you got out of that is what matters. Don't forget to look at who you are now. I hope things go well for you.

[Nolus]

What do you do when depression and dysphoria gang up on you and chant things that makes you want to stab yourself, especially in parts that make you dysphoric

[kevo_koma]

@Nolus:

What do you do when depression and dysphoria gang up on you and chant things that makes you want to stab yourself, especially in parts that make you dysphoric

Call up someone you love and have a conversation about them, genuinely be interested in how their life is going and lose yourself in that for a moment.

After that, get your phone, set your timer to one minute, get on the floor and do 5 sets of one minute planks. Concentrate on holding the plank and lose yourself in that.

Once your five minutes are up, enjoy the glow of your body coming alive and do some more excercise . Once you finish work on your project,eat, watch something funny. Stretch before bed and repeat the process everyday.

[Buuhan1]

My confession I guess isn't that big of a deal, to the point I hope I'm not trivializing things by posting it. My confession is I've been away from this forum for so long due to embarrassment. I joined when I was 14 back in 2005 and I slowly matured on here and it… wasn't pretty. I said many stupid things, and for a time I was even infamous I'm pretty sure. The shame grew as I matured and I've always wanted to come back, but I always fear the stigma remains...

[Count Mario]

@Buuhan1:

My confession I guess isn't that big of a deal, to the point I hope I'm not trivializing things by posting it. My confession is I've been away from this forum for so long due to embarrassment. I joined when I was 14 back in 2005 and I slowly matured on here and it… wasn't pretty. I said many stupid things, and for a time I was even infamous I'm pretty sure. The shame grew as I matured and I've always wanted to come back, but I always fear the stigma remains...

Don't worry about it, although that might not mean much since we've never interacted before lol. I've been through that myself. Not on this forum, but the first few forums I tried a hand at several years ago when I first became a teenager. I learned all sorts of lessons about humility, facts, debating, etc. This would often result in me leaving these forums, usually some time after the point that a lot of the hype has died down around a new product finally being released (they were video game forums). I would look at joining new forum communities as a way to "redeem" myself by adopting a new identity that didn't have previous associations with past events tied to it. Which was advantageous, but also naive since you can't instantly change who you are and certain tendencies are bound to repeat if you pretend they don't exist. All that proved to be was an ineffective means of escapism from the truth about who I am rather than actual progress. Which meant that I had to confront myself and adapt to beneficial changes. Changes that I earnestly sought for myself and not shallow conforming approval, and I took much example from watching members who act admirably and understand why/how they do so. Doing this, along with personal developments in real life, allowed me to become better, establish more self-esteem, help out other forumers more, and makes the experience of foruming all the more enjoyable.

What matters above all else is that you grew, and not only that, but you were OPEN to growing as you recognized your mistakes. Having flaws is innate in all of us, and what truly determines the integrity of our character is how we acknowledge and/or overcome these flaws. Nobody is perfect from the start, and nobody really should be since that's really boring. It's how we rise up when we struggle to aim for a better path that is inspiring. Fearing the idea that people may remember and harbor ill will towards you is completely relatable, but that's moreso the spotlight effect influencing your psychology. Time heals many wounds and… this is a forum. People aren't likely to hold grudges over trivial disputes that go wrong, and the community is very levelheaded and compassionate here. Unless you committed some really heinous things on an ethical level, people should be willing to give you a second chance if they see that you have changed by realizing the error of your previous ways.

All in all, you're human. So are we. Which is why we should help each other to get along and enhance our knowledge if we're open to doing so. :happy:

[Green_vs_Red]

@Buuhan1:

I said many stupid things, and for a time I was even infamous.

We've had worse, but at any rate you're back.

[MDL]

Dude, the memory of your text-to-speech One Piece dubs still makes me laugh to this day.

"My name is Buggy The Clown and I am really really gay."

[Rocko52]

@Count:

Don't worry about it, although that might not mean much since we've never interacted before lol. I've been through that myself. Not on this forum, but the first few forums I tried a hand at several years ago when I first became a teenager. I learned all sorts of lessons about humility, facts, debating, etc. This would often result in me leaving these forums, usually some time after the point that a lot of the hype has died down around a new product finally being released (they were video game forums). I would look at joining new forum communities as a way to "redeem" myself by adopting a new identity that didn't have previous associations with past events tied to it. Which was advantageous, but also naive since you can't instantly change who you are and certain tendencies are bound to repeat if you pretend they don't exist. All that proved to be was an ineffective means of escapism from the truth about who I am rather than actual progress. Which meant that I had to confront myself and adapt to beneficial changes. Changes that I earnestly sought for myself and not shallow conforming approval, and I took much example from watching members who act admirably and understand why/how they do so. Doing this, along with personal developments in real life, allowed me to become better, establish more self-esteem, help out other forumers more, and makes the experience of foruming all the more enjoyable.

What matters above all else is that you grew, and not only that, but you were OPEN to growing as you recognized your mistakes. Having flaws is innate in all of us, and what truly determines the integrity of our character is how we acknowledge and/or overcome these flaws. Nobody is perfect from the start, and nobody really should be since that's really boring. It's how we rise up when we struggle to aim for a better path that is inspiring. Fearing the idea that people may remember and harbor ill will towards you is completely relatable, but that's moreso the spotlight effect influencing your psychology. Time heals many wounds and… this is a forum. People aren't likely to hold grudges over trivial disputes that go wrong, and the community is very levelheaded and compassionate here. Unless you committed some really heinous things on an ethical level, people should be willing to give you a second chance if they see that you have changed by realizing the error of your previous ways.

All in all, you're human. So are we. Which is why we should help each other to get along and enhance our knowledge if we're open to doing so. :happy:

I can definitely relate to this haha. That reminds me of my time on several forums over the years & looking back on old posts in some places can be…not pretty haha. But everyone has regrets & embarrassment about things they were or did when they were young & even while older. It's never too late to have a new start - especially with silly online mistakes in your youth.

[C_uggs]

Recently I noticed one thing.. I don't hate myself anymore..This blowed my mind last night. I thought I would have low self esteem for the rest of my life, that it would push me down forever. But yeah, now I can see myself in the mirror without hating on how I look. Sure, AP was part of this personal conquest and I thank you all.

Now, I have to face new stuff, but with my confidence, nothing is impossible.

This is a HUGE improvement in my life.. If only my mom was here to see this….....

[Monkey King]

@C_uggs:

Recently I noticed one thing.. I don't hate myself anymore..This blowed my mind last night. I thought I would have low self esteem for the rest of my life, that it would push me down forever. But yeah, now I can see myself in the mirror without hating on how I look. Sure, AP was part of this personal conquest and I thank you all.

Now, I have to face new stuff, but with my confidence, nothing is impossible.

This is a HUGE improvement in my life.. If only my mom was here to see this….....

That's really cool to hear dude.
The thing no one wants to hear, especially in the middle of these sorts of things, is that the cure doesn't happened over night. And its most likely how you describe it, like something you just suddenly realize has been true for awhile without you noticing. Point is though, not overnight, but it does happened.

[C_uggs]

The cure comes with self learning, but it may take years to get self confidence in your looks and capabilities. Self learning will eventually happen naturally, as you pass life's inumerous trials.

One day you will wake up and notice how much you have grown, and how far you have walked.

Not overnight indeed.

[onemoment]

@C_uggs:

The cure comes with self learning, but it may take years to get self confidence in your looks and capabilities. Self learning will eventually happen naturally, as you pass life's inumerous trials.

One day you will wake up and notice how much you have grown, and how far you have walked.

Not overnight indeed.

I just clicked on this thread, thinking of posting without anything in mind, then I see this. I hope I can say this while just stumbling in here, but I'm happy for you! Congrats.

[NER]

This is gonna come out as extremely stupid and hardcore when you don't know the context, but nowadays, if a female friend with a religious family complains about life and say that she wants to kill herself because of how much oppression she's facing, I can't anymore tell her that that's absurd with full conviction and belief in these words. :C

[Nolus]

My request to a legal name and gender change has been denied. It is not possible to get further until a new system is put in place.

I just want to die.

[Monquito]

@Nolus:

My request to a legal name and gender change has been denied. It is not possible to get further until a new system is put in place.

I just want to die.

screw them, change it anyway, because I dislike my real name, I told people to call me a different one and they did, so nowadays many people don't know my real name and when they see my i.d. they think is fake.

[Nolus]

@Monquito:

screw them, change it anyway, because I dislike my real name, I told people to call me a different one and they did, so nowadays many people don't know my real name and when they see my i.d. they think is fake.

That's nice and all, but without the governments approval, I cannot begin my hormone therapy nor any surgical procedures.

–- Update From New Post Merge ---

I already have friends calling me another name, just like how you here refer to me as Nolus (which as you may have guessed it, isn't my real name). I also used my chosen name in Finland and was called Caleb by both teachers and students alike.

The legal name AND gender change is required to be able to live as who I am in all layers of life. The legal layer cannot be ignored in this regardm especially when I need that to have surgeries and treatment for my gender dysphoria.

[Monquito]

@Nolus:

That's nice and all, but without the governments approval, I cannot begin my hormone therapy nor any surgical procedures.

–- Update From New Post Merge ---

I already have friends calling me another name, just like how you here refer to me as Nolus (which as you may have guessed it, isn't my real name). I also used my chosen name in Finland and was called Caleb by both teachers and students alike.

The legal name AND gender change is required to be able to live as who I am in all layers of life. The legal layer cannot be ignored in this regardm especially when I need that to have surgeries and treatment for my gender dysphoria.

You live in Finland? uhmm I'd expected more from an European country:getlost:
I find it very rare because here, few states have approved laws in terms of sexuality/orientation/identity, as long as I'm concerned my state doesn't even allow same-sex marriage, but people still do it since no law prohibits either.

[Nolus]

@Monquito:

You live in Finland? uhmm I'd expected more from an European country:getlost:
I find it very rare because here, few states have approved laws in terms of sexuality/orientation/identity, as long as I'm concerned my state doesn't even allow same-sex marriage, but people still do it since no law prohibits either.

I live in Hungary, I was in Finland on a summer course.

The doctors will literally refuse to do the surgery without the right papers.

[Femme]

@Nolus:

My request to a legal name and gender change has been denied. It is not possible to get further until a new system is put in place.

I just want to die.

What the?! Not even the name change?!

Did they give any explanation?

[Nolus]

@Femme:

What the?! Not even the name change?!

Did they give any explanation?

Something like, the current system is not good enough, and till they make a "better" one, no requests shall be fulfilled.

I was suggested a lawyer, and I also wrote a mail to the Hungarian Trans-organization. It's so disheartening. I've spent 300 dollars on the necessary papers, not to mention the time. And now I have to fight for something that won't affect those in charge who oppose it.

[Femme]

@Nolus:

Something like, the current system is not good enough, and till they make a "better" one, no requests shall be fulfilled.

I was suggested a lawyer, and I also wrote a mail to the Hungarian Trans-organization. It's so disheartening. I've spent 300 dollars on the necessary papers, not to mention the time. And now I have to fight for something that won't affect those in charge who oppose it.

I can't believe it! Let's say their "system" isn't prepared for the gender change requests as they say, but how could they deny your name change, too?! Nah this smells fishy.

[Nolus]

@Femme:

I can't believe it! Let's say their "system" isn't prepared for the gender change requests as they say, but how could they deny your name change, too?! Nah this smells fishy.

It probably is. Our leaders aren't the most progressive minds on the face of Earth, but they cannot or don't dare to outright deny it, so they claim they're making a better system without providing an alternative in the meantime.

Even the gender change would be just for legal stuff. I'd pay for the surgeries myself.

[Jabra]

@Nolus:

Something like, the current system is not good enough, and till they make a "better" one, no requests shall be fulfilled.

I was suggested a lawyer, and I also wrote a mail to the Hungarian Trans-organization. It's so disheartening. I've spent 300 dollars on the necessary papers, not to mention the time. And now I have to fight for something that won't affect those in charge who oppose it.

I'm not familiar with the Hungarian system (or lack of system…), but maybe you can apply for the name change in another district with a different person in charge? In Germany the local registry office is usually responsible for name changes, and if you move to another city the competency changes accordingly. The laws and regulations are still the same, but one can't underestimate the power the individual in charge.

[Nolus]

@Jabra:

I'm not familiar with the Hungarian system (or lack of system…), but maybe you can apply for the name change in another district with a different person in charge? In Germany the local registry office is usually responsible for name changes, and if you move to another city the competency changes accordingly. The laws and regulations are still the same, but one can't underestimate the power the individual in charge.

Unfortunately, the departments overseeing this particular process (Ministry of Immigration and Ministry of Health) reside in the capital so there really isn't any way to do this elsewhere.

[Jabra]

@Nolus:

Unfortunately, the departments overseeing this particular process (Ministry of Immigration and Ministry of Health) reside in the capital so there really isn't any way to do this elsewhere.

I don't want to sound insensitive, but… do you have the option to leave the country? It seems you are young, smart and educated, so maybe it's easier to migrate and start some kind of naturalization process abroad?

[Nolus]

@Jabra:

I don't want to sound insensitive, but… do you have the option to leave the country? It seems you are young, smart and educated, so maybe it's easier to migrate and start some kind of naturalization process abroad?

Where would I go though? I've just spent 3 weeks in Finland and I was so homesick and lost despite it being a wonderful and modern country. I've lost my confidence in ever managing to live in another country.

–- Update From New Post Merge ---

Lately I feel as though I'd need someone to talk to, to pour out my heart, but whenever the chance arises, I find myself unable to articulate my feelings. I've written down a lot when I was in Finland, but I still struggle. I feel weak and lost. I've lost 2-3 kilograms these last week and can't bring myself to eat correctly. Also, I'm ashamed to admit, but after reading the letter today I tried to cut myself. I didn't draw blood, but left marks.

[Monkey King]

@Nolus:

Where would I go though? I've just spent 3 weeks in Finland and I was so homesick and lost despite it being a wonderful and modern country. I've lost my confidence in ever managing to live in another country.

Go to Austria so you have improvements on all fronts, and are also right down the street from home? And it also isn't a country of anti-social bog robots like Finland lol.

[Nolus]

@Monkey:

Go to Austria so you have improvements on all fronts, and are also right down the street from home? And it also isn't a country of anti-social bog robots like Finland lol.

I don't speak German though :( And the main problem with Finland was my fellow students, from all over the world (mostly Germany and Russia).

[Monkey King]

@Nolus:

I don't speak German though :( And the main problem with Finland was my fellow students, from all over the world (mostly Germany and Russia).

What was wrong with the students? Were they assholes? :(

[Nolus]

@Monkey:

What was wrong with the students? Were they assholes? :(

Well, even though they spoke English, a lot of the time, they just went with their brethren and spoke Russian/German/Polish etc., even next to me. While I heard my name mentioned.
Also, they kind left without me, even after I mentioned I'd also like to go see the inner city and whatnot.

[Monkey King]

@Nolus:

Well, even though they spoke English, a lot of the time, they just went with their brethren and spoke Russian/German/Polish etc., even next to me. While I heard my name mentioned.
Also, they kind left without me, even after I mentioned I'd also like to go see the inner city and whatnot.

So assholes then.

[Noqanky]

That tends to happen when there's international students, they just hang out with people from their country and act exclusively towards other.

Regarding everything else, I'm really sorry to hear that it happened. I cannot begin to imagine how terrible it must feel to have such a block. And while it's hypocritical of me to say given I still get dysphoria all the time and get depressed because of it and all that junk… what's important to remember is that you are you regardless of what a piece of paper says or body parts say. No minor setback should remove all the work you've done to define and understand yourself.
Yea, it's annoying since other people tend to focus on those to determine who you are and all that, but please remain strong and don't let others dictate whether you get to exist or not.
It's also important to realize you are not alone. Not in this struggle, and not in general... just looking at reactions here it's obvious to see how many people respect you. That wouldn't be the case unless they all believe in who you are.

[Nolus]

@Monkey:

So assholes then.

I guess so.

Sigh, I try so hard to survive and do my best even when I feel terrible and dysphoric as hell, but I'm at my wit's end once again. Now it even affects my health as well (weight loss and generally feeling unwell).

[Monkey King]

@Nolus:

I guess so.

Sigh, I try so hard to survive and do my best even when I feel terrible and dysphoric as hell, but I'm at my wit's end once again. Now it even affects my health as well (weight loss and generally feeling unwell).

No guess so about it, those sound like complete assholes. Cowards at best really.
Don't let it come off like anything you can blame on yourself, because it's not.
Even beyond being assholes, people who linguistically clique off and don't use the opportunity to socialize outside their comfort zone at an international school are absolutely pathetic losers.

[Nolus]

@Monkey:

No guess so about it, those sound like complete assholes. Cowards at best really.
Don't let it come off like anything you can blame on yourself, because it's not.
Even beyond being assholes, people who linguistically clique off and don't use the opportunity to socialize outside their comfort zone at an international school are absolutely pathetic losers.

They still had more fun than me though. I had some nice experiences, but I know for sure that I was relieved to get home.

@Noqanky:

That tends to happen when there's international students, they just hang out with people from their country and act exclusively towards other.

Regarding everything else, I'm really sorry to hear that it happened. I cannot begin to imagine how terrible it must feel to have such a block. And while it's hypocritical of me to say given I still get dysphoria all the time and get depressed because of it and all that junk… what's important to remember is that you are you regardless of what a piece of paper says or body parts say. No minor setback should remove all the work you've done to define and understand yourself.
Yea, it's annoying since other people tend to focus on those to determine who you are and all that, but please remain strong and don't let others dictate whether you get to exist or not.
It's also important to realize you are not alone. Not in this struggle, and not in general... just looking at reactions here it's obvious to see how many people respect you. That wouldn't be the case unless they all believe in who you are.

I actually feel it increasingly harder to be myself with these conditions. Most of my power goes to self-preservation and staying sane.

[Jabra]

@Nolus:

Where would I go though? I've just spent 3 weeks in Finland and I was so homesick and lost despite it being a wonderful and modern country.

But isn't that a perfectly normal feeling for most people, especially if it's just a few weeks?

You know, I can't fully comprehend what you're going through at the moment, but I do understand that you're really freaking serious about all of this, including irreversible treatment. From the perspective of an outsider this just seems like such a huge decision, and a corrupt and backwards government should be the last thing that stops you from being yourself.
So if I had to decide between learning a new language and getting used to a new environment vs. waiting for a law change that may or may not come, the choice seems clear to me if you have the means to.

Now, if you don't have any options to migrate, is there any way to get at least the name change through with a different approach? Maybe religious reasons?

[maxterdexter]

I won't talk long because I'm certain to put foot in mouth but, be strong Nolus, be the mustache that you want to be, everything else will follow, eventually.

[Nolus]

@Jabra:

But isn't that a perfectly normal feeling for most people, especially if it's just a few weeks?

You know, I can't fully comprehend what you're going through at the moment, but I do understand that you're really freaking serious about all of this, including irreversible treatment. From the perspective of an outsider this just seems like such a huge decision, and a corrupt and backwards government should be the last thing that stops you from being yourself.
So if I had to decide between learning a new language and getting used to a new environment vs. waiting for a law change that may or may not come, the choice seems clear to me if you have the means to.

Now, if you don't have any options to migrate, is there any way to get at least the name change through with a different approach? Maybe religious reasons?

Maybe so. I certainly felt more lost than the others, and I tried to use Finnish as much as I could.

Thing is, I have a pretty good job at the moment (at HBO) with a salary above average (even if we doesn't count the fact that I'm working as a student). I'd hate to leave it at the moment.
Name change without legal gender change is not possible in Hungary. I don't really have a religion, strictly speaking, I was never baptized or anything.

I have contacted the Ministry of Health, the person is charge is out of office till the end of August though. Until then, I was advised to seek legal help if I can. I wrote to the Hungarian Trans organization, but they're also out of office in August. I will write to another few people and on a forum, if not for anything else, to let my fellow transpeople know about the current situation. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist next Monday, she's already offered to talk with those in charge about my situation.

Until then, I must get my strength back. I have to start eating properly again, drinking enough and sleeping better. Getting back on track, basically. Work is pretty few these days and university won't start for a month still, so I have time to get back on my feet.

@maxterdexter:

I won't talk long because I'm certain to put foot in mouth but, be strong Nolus, be the mustache that you want to be, everything else will follow, eventually.

Thank you for the encouragement, all of you. It really matters a lot to me, being able to talk a little of what's been troubling me lately.

[C_uggs]

Meh, I am alright, I just need to vent a little.
[hide]I know that people will say stuff like "it was not your fault" or "you did your best", but I can't stop thinking that it was my fault that my mother passed away so soon, if I worked harder, if I knew what to do..maybe she would be alive today.

But, I was alone, my father abadoned us so he could live with another family, I was 16 at the time… I tried my best, but nothing worked..And now, she is gone forever, I can't talk with her, I can't tell her how much I have improved as a person.

All I did was basic shit, basic "son stuff"... Fuck.[/hide]

[Ekila]

@C_uggs:

Meh, I am alright, I just need to vent a little.
[hide]I know that people will say stuff like "it was not your fault" or "you did your best", but I can't stop thinking that it was my fault that my mother passed away so soon, if I worked harder, if I knew what to do..maybe she would be alive today.

But, I was alone, my father abadoned us so he could live with another family, I was 16 at the time… I tried my best, but nothing worked..And now, she is gone forever, I can't talk with her, I can't tell her how much I have improved as a person.

All I did was basic shit, basic "son stuff"... Fuck.[/hide]

I see. I don't know how to comment, so I hope this helps instead. -hugs-

[Nolus]

I truly want to be a translator, but many times, I feel I'm just not good enough. Even though I have to regularly translate at work, and I get very positive feedback, I still have these thoughts in my head that I'll never be able to be as good as I wish to be. These are recurring worries of mine right next to those about languages. I studied 4 languages in all my life (not counting my mother tongue); my English is pretty good, but sometimes I doubt myself at even that. I've mostly forgotten French and have no time to catch up on it, even though I was sort of good and even have a certificate. My Swedish is a disaster, no surprise there: I studied it in one of the hardest periods in my life when my depression was peaking and I was generally unable to function properly, let alone study. Interestingly enough, after spending three weeks in Finland and hearing more Russian and German than Finnish, I got fed up with the language. Odd.

These thoughts work like waves, sometimes they subside, other times they wash over me and I haven't found a way to battle them, nor have any idea whom I could talk to. For years I thought this is the thing I'm good at: languages. Now, I mostly feel I'm average at best.

I really want to give Swedish another try (not the least because I like it and because I actually have to graduate next summer).

[Lucky Dragon]

@Nolus:

I truly want to be a translator, but many times, I feel I'm just not good enough. Even though I have to regularly translate at work, and I get very positive feedback, I still have these thoughts in my head that I'll never be able to be as good as I wish to be. These are recurring worries of mine right next to those about languages. I studied 4 languages in all my life (not counting my mother tongue); my English is pretty good, but sometimes I doubt myself at even that. I've mostly forgotten French and have no time to catch up on it, even though I was sort of good and even have a certificate. My Swedish is a disaster, no surprise there: I studied it in one of the hardest periods in my life when my depression was peaking and I was generally unable to function properly, let alone study. Interestingly enough, after spending three weeks in Finland and hearing more Russian and German than Finnish, I got fed up with the language. Odd.

These thoughts work like waves, sometimes they subside, other times they wash over me and I haven't found a way to battle them, nor have any idea whom I could talk to. For years I thought this is the thing I'm good at: languages. Now, I mostly feel I'm average at best.

I really want to give Swedish another try (not the least because I like it and because I actually have to graduate next summer).

Going by your description, it seems to me calling yourself average implies you would be competent. You already have experience with positive feedback. Definitely sounds like something worth serious consideration as a profession. Even if you think you could be better at it, knowing there is room for improvement could be an asset to you. It's never a bad thing to hone a skill.

[taboo]

Feeling post birthday depression. I don't feel like I'm worth the fuss that comes with telling people it's my birthday but then I don't really do anything and I just feel like I should have done more. Also my family feels like it's falling apart and all my irl friends live too far away for me to hang with and I just generally feel kind of lonely and depressed.

[No swords style best style]

So…I want to learn how to draw. I just recently have had the desire to start drawing and I'm not honestly sure why. Maybe I've been viewing more visual mediums like manga. Maybe I'm less impatient and can appreciate pictures and the work that went into them more. The thing is, I feel pretty late in life compared to everyone I know who draws, as I'm about halfway through high school and have never done anything remotely artistic other than occasionally drawing simple stick people.

I realize that this is something I would have to work on for years to get anywhere at all, so I haven't set any super big goals for myself right now. I have a desire to really try to do this, but I don't have a dream to create some super grand, amazing story like OP or anything, I just want to draw as a hobby for fun, maybe create a few characters. So right now I'm trying to get basic human anatomy and eventually get to the point where I can draw a humanoid figure that actually looks like a humanoid figure, ehenhen. I checked out a book from my school library (Freaks, by Steve Miller) about how to draw anthropomorphic animals, and haven't actually looked at it past the first dozens pages that discuss basic anatomy.

It was a decent starting point for me, and now that I've actually started trying to draw people, the main thing I wanted to ask is how do I give my drawings a...3D look, I guess. I mean, when I try to draw a person (or anything, really), they just look flat, like the spider-sun of a little kid does. I mean, technically, everything on a piece of paper is flat, but when I look at a picture of Luffy, or the anatomy drawings in the book, they just...don't look flat. (I have such a way with words XP). I really want to know what to do to generally develop that depth in my draws. Also, the style I kinda want to develop would be...what's it called... Animesque, I think? Like, not as cartoony as OP but not as precise as Marvel/DC comics seem to be (I admitted don't read much of those). To be clear, I'm not expecting this to be as easy as flipping a switch. If the answer is that I must meditate under a waterfall for five hours, well, then so be it, I better start practicing in the shower.

Lastly, thank you for reading through this my disorganized cry for help. I realize this is kinda a petty thing compared to a lot of the topics talked about here, so I completely understand if this post don't get a lot of attention. Still, I would really appreciate any advice that anyone would be willing to share.

[Halfmetal-lich]

I don't do Hype.

I loathe "Fandom"

It is because those two things are probably one of the leading causes of internet hate and overall bitter attitudes.