As a Translator, and LGBT person I really feel for you Nolus.
Confession Session II
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I didnt want to double post but I just cant anymore. I am constantly angry, contantly upset, treat my poor mother who has cancer like shit and god knows this will never change or improve for the better. Dont worry I wont kill myself. If I could I would have done it already. I will just continue to suffer and mistreat whoever shows me kindness until they realize am not worth it.
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I have been hanging around this thread often as a spectator and trying my best to give advice but for the first time i feel like i dont really have anyone to speak to honestly who is not paid to do so and tunes out the second the timer has run off.
Been having a death sense for some time now and its been intesifying more and more the further the year passes. Don't freak out, i am not suicidal or anything. I just feel something horrible is happening and the noose around my throat feels tighter than ever. With the current political climate i have been losing friends like flies. They don't end the friendship with a clear message, but instead they quietly, pathetically die off, responding less and less and the more i try to clasp my hand around these friendships, the more i feel like cutting into my own flesh so i decided to let go. Still part of me feels kinda idealistic about these friendships and it makes me feel so naive. Been hanging around this board for instance for a big part of my formative teenage years goofing around online instead of touching some grass outside. Still i managed to make some lifelong friendships here, which i am extremely grateful for. I think its because of this I feel drawn back to this place to get a hold of loved people i lost touch with. There are so many friends i miss and i hope they are all doing fine. @femme if you are still active you were right waay back then. I feel like things are getting so turbulent and i am so afraid of losing touch for good with friends irl and online. but i think i must trust myself and the process and trust less on friends who would barely notice the differenc if i were around or not and trust more on the few friends who actually show up. if you remember me from way back, missed you lots, and cheering you on! Used to have a Camie Avatar licking ice cream way back. If you know you know. All the best should we not hear from each other again!
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I can't seem to focus and I'm actively ruining whatever chances I have to have a decent life.
