ugh fuck sorry i thought i double posted so i deleted the post
here's the post
Gone to shit?
Holy and I both legitimately lost a parent at a young age. That's typically something that fucks a person up- your relationship with the surviving parent (and other immediate family members) can become weird and strained and your ability to trust and bond with people becomes really complicated when you know that they could die and there's nothing you can do about it. Regardless of whether you had an ideal or even just serviceable family life before, your entire place in a safe and caring world is immediately and irrevocably compromised. You don't see things the same way other people do and you never really will. Relationships with others, including loving them and how you express that love, is all a part of it.
I know I don't post here much anymore, but Holy and I are close friends and we've talked before about similarities in our experiences and outlooks. I know personally that I loved my dad very much and that now (and for quite some time) he's just been a rotting corpse in the ground. I have to deal with that every day and with the fact that that could happen to anyone else I love and that complicates loving people for me. Really, I've known since I was in middle school that it's either me or someone I cherish who is the next to be reduced to an unthinking pile of meat.
I thought Holy's post was hysterical and "dead parent high five" was my way of expressing solidarity. When bad stuff happens to you as a kid you can develop weird resentments and (especially as you grow older) face really difficult truths about what could have been, like what your parents (who are responsible for you and themselves at that age) could have or should have done.
I could have made a post saying "i love people a lot and try to let them know by my actions" or "i do love but i'm bad at expressing it sometimes" or something but I preferred a joke instead because I thought that was boring
my dead parent my dead rules i make all the shitty morbid jokes i want
True story when my dad died and was buried it was in a double plot so mom could be buried next to him when she died. One day when I was like 15 (i'm 21 now) we were at the graveyard where he's buried. I fucking hate going there most of the time- I usually wander away to look at old graves and stuff because I don't like looking at it or dealing with it. But we were both there that day and I walked over to mom's plot and literally started dancing on her grave. We both started laughing. That is how I express love
and haha idk i guess if you haven't had that kind of joking insult relationship it's hard to see from the outside