Reserved space for future story thangs.
Tellus: Ski's Journey
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post full of LLAMAS
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Reserved space for chapter 1.
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Wasted Placeholder post:
I will read after I get back from my walk tonight. Promise. -
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I believe I'm done editing, though I haven't reread everything a millionth time so I wouldn't know. I'll most likely go through this a few more times and see if I can't clean it up further. I do notice there's still some unnecessary words floating around but they shouldn't be too distracting from the main story. All in all I'd say it's a somewhat smoother read. Not the best but certainly not the worst either.
Hopefully it's good enough.~
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Reserved space for chapter 2.
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That battle against the dinosaur and the strange occurrence of the animal's mercy are one of the coolest things I've read of late.
There's just two problems with this chapter: Ron's explanation and Man's explanation about stuff. Everyone seems to be moving around and talking at the same time, but when we reach those two parts the flow seems to stop. Ski was right when he said Man was too wordy, and maybe you can break up his explanations with actions, like he's doing something as he's explaining.
I don't quite know what to do about Ron, though. Maybe describe his facial expressions and mannerisms to give his talking more 'umph?'
Anyways, great chapter.