English Creative Essay Help

[Zefra]

Hey everyone! I just need some ideas for my English Creative Essay.
It's just for one bit of my story though. I'll elaborate later on. Here's the task first.

Write a creative essay of approximately 600-800 words on the topic below.
There is no hope for a civilisation which starts each day to the sound of an alarm clock.
You may interpret it in any way you wish.

And this is my essay so far.
WARNING It's a tad depressing. Heh. ‘Dreams, goals and desires.’ Those were the words I found hardest to define. Often, it’s described as something you wished to do, something you wished to achieve and would make you happy, of your own accord, that is. The definition was there, but when applied in real life, the meaning was lost through the influence of others. There was no independence in civilisation anymore. People often stopped reaching for their personal goals because of their surroundings and the influence of their peers. They thought that their own dream wasn’t ‘normal’ or ‘ideal’ to reach for, so they went for typical goals, like going for the better company, university, or job. There was no more uniqueness in society because of this ongoing pressure to choose certain dreams only. But where was this pressure coming from? Does it even exist? There is no hope for a civilisation which starts each day to the sound of an alarm clock. Even though I thought this way, here I was, sitting in probably the most average, typical job you could think of. I had a desk job, and was an employee of an average company. I was meant to be filing papers, but my mind drifted off again, questioning the ways of the society. This train of thought had come back to mind several times. But why, why did it keep coming back? This hadn’t happened before. Why all the thought about personal dreams? I already had a stable job, with an income that was enough for me. I had all that I needed. I could survive. Yes, that’s what I was doing, surviving. Everything I did was just so I could keep on living. Keep on living for what though? What was I living for? Another essential question of life I’d have to answer later as Mr Wright, my boss was yelling at me. He stomped up to my desk and dropped yet another towering stack of papers waiting to be checked through and edited. “These better be finished before you knock off today alright Mr Davis? No more slacking off!” He demanded before he slipped out the door. A sigh of relief escaped my lips at his departure, followed by a sigh of exhaustion at the unbelievable amount of work needed to be done. But then again, it was my fault, letting my mind drift off all the time. “Just concentrate on your work and don’t get fired.” I kept repeating to myself as I tackled the unpleasant pile of boring text. Don’t get fired… But why did I ferociously work everyday like a robot, just to keep a job I absolutely regret applying for? My boss despises me as well. I was sick and tired of this life I was living. I felt like dying. The mere action of living had exhausted me to the core. Every time my alarm clock irritatingly rang to wake me up, I simply laid there, stared at the ceiling, and wondered what I was actually waking up for. My life was boring and uneventful. The future was bleak. It wasn’t always like this though… I used to have a dream. About 10 years ago, when I was just sixteen, I desired to become the world’s greatest archaeologist and historian. And this is where I got stuck. It's already 543 words by the way. I'm basically planning to finish it off with him having a short flashback about his passion for archaology and history. Then he realises that he shouldn't just sit there anymore, and states that he'll break out of this 'normal' way of living, and start doing what he wants to do. And I'll probably end it there, with that declaration. I'll run out of words anyway. So… Basically I just want some ideas on how I should carry out the flashback. What should I include in it? I might include how the influence of society made him stray away from his original path. But I'm not that good at flashbacks, and hope to get some suggestions on how to make it engaging as well. I would also like some criticism and feedback on what I've written so far. That would be great! Thanks heaps

edit; Don't know what's up with the different fonts. ><

edit 2; Fixed.

[city_lights31]

Hmm…I think this is a fine start and an interesting idea for a story. You might want to break up your text when the dialogue bits start otherwise the wall of text can be imposing. for example...

Even though I thought this way, here I was, sitting in probably the most average, typical job you could think of. I had a desk job, and was an employee of an average company. I was meant to be filing papers, but my mind drifted off again, questioning the ways of the society. This train of thought had come back to mind several times. But why, why did it keep coming back? This hadn’t happened before. Why all the thought about personal dreams? I already had a stable job, with an income that was enough for me. I had all that I needed. I could survive. Yes, that’s what I was doing, surviving. Everything I did was just so I could keep on living. Keep on living for what though? What was I living for? Another essential question of life I’d have to answer later as Mr Wright, my boss was yelling at me. He stomped up to my desk and dropped yet another towering stack of papers waiting to be checked through and edited.

“These better be finished before you knock off today alright Mr Davis? No more slacking off!” He demanded before he slipped out the door.

A sigh of relief escaped my lips at his departure, followed by a sigh of exhaustion at the unbelievable amount of work needed to be done. But then again, it was my fault, letting my mind drift off all the time.

“Just concentrate on your work and don’t get fired.” I kept repeating to myself as I tackled the unpleasant pile of boring text. Don’t get fired…

But why did I ferociously work everyday like a robot, just to keep a job I absolutely regret applying for? My boss despises me as well. I was sick and tired of this life I was living. I felt like dying. The mere action of living had exhausted me to the core. Every time my alarm clock irritatingly rang to wake me up, I simply laid there, stared at the ceiling, and wondered what I was actually waking up for. My life was boring and uneventful. The future was bleak. It wasn’t always like this though…

…this reads much more manageably in my opinion. Also, this is just a simple suggestion, I think it would be cool if your character encounters something, like a childhood trinket from earlier in the day that triggered this spring of emotions that wanted to let him dream again(something to do with his love of archeology like an old favorite book or something.) Again, just a simple suggestion, I am not even sure where you would fit something like that in.

You might want to take cues from Oda when it comes to your flashback woes. Have your character in the presence of the man or person that he admired that made him love archeology in the first place. Someone that would wow him with amazing stories of adventure and show him the amazing and unique things he has found (perhaps the book I mentioned earlier was given to him by this person).

If it were me personally I would show the reader that the main character, after the epiphany that is his flashback, was going to change his life for the better. It's not something I would go into detail with so much as I would hint to it at the end of the story. If you wanted to you could even hint at the possability that the main characters actions and willingness to change have effected those around him in some small way. I am probably making the story my own a little too much aren't I? (sorry)

– _--

Hope these suggestions were a bit of help. Good luck!

[trappedolphin]

You probably already know this, but just make sure that your flashback is coherent, not just within itself, but also with the rest of your story. Briefly, I see at least three main things that should be present:

1. Reason for protagonist's dream, what inspired or motivated him in the first place
2. An attempts to fulfill this dream? If no, then why? What stopped him?
3. This doesn't necessarily need to be in the flashback itself, but make sure that you give some reason for the guy to 'wake up' and make that declaration about living out his dream.

This is what I think, anyway. It's really up to you what exactly you want to put in or how you want to describe the chain of events; just make sure it remains coherent.

Also, not to nitpick, but seeing as how you intend to put in a flashback… I kinda spotted some tense issues. It's not a big deal as it is, but your tenses becoming very important when you start using scenes from the past, present, future etc. For example, in the first paragraph, which doesn't seem tied to any specific point in time, it might sound better if you used present tense - especially since the last sentence of it is in present, compared to the rest of it which is in past tense. (I hope this is right, I'm really bad at naming the different kinds of tenses.) I usually try to read over the whole text at once to see if it sounds right in my head - I don't know if this will help you (not just for tenses, but for general flow as well).

And... that's my input. Pretty sure some of the other writing members here will be able to give you more ideas.

[Zefra]

Wow, thank you so much. That was an epic post. It's given me some new ideas and inspiration on what to do. And I really liked the 'childhood item that triggers a flashback' and 'character facing the man he used to admire and idolize'.

I'd probably only add in the childhood item though, it shouldn't take up too many words. The word limit's 600-800 words sadly.

Thanks for the paragraphing structure help as well. That works out so much better!

I'll probably add the 'memory trigger' while he's doing his paperwork. He might have ran out of ink in his pen, and proceeded to look in his drawers for another, when he comes across that item. Possibly a photo of him and something to do with archaeology he hid away in his drawers, a simple card by his mentor saying 'Don't stop dreaming!' or something of the sort. Or that old book on archaeology given to him by his mentor like you said. I really like your ideas!

Hahas, thanks again!

I'm still open for more suggestions and criticism. I appreciate them!

[Zefra]

And thanks trapped! About the tenses thing, my teacher said we had to write it in past tense, as some sort of reflection. Abit contradicting I think, since the topic was in present tense. Mmm strange teacher I have.

And the flashback suggestions too. Those questions really help me! Their helping me come up with more ideas for the flashback, and to understand what I have to include in it. Especially the question on what motivated the main character in the first place, and what has kept him from his goal.

Ahh, your post was really helpful! I can already imagine this story getting better :) I really feel like adding more detail and perhaps some action in it. Sadly because of the word limit, I can't do much |: I really feel like writing a longer essay, but argh, it's the task.

[city_lights31]

I was happy to help. Post your final draft if you have the time. I am interested to know how it turnes out.

[Zefra]

I was planning to anyway

Here's the final draft. It's 1.1k words… So I kinda exceeded the word limit by 300, hopefully my teacher won't notice.
Open for more criticism again, and maybe suggestions to make it shorter... Hahas.

‘Dreams, goals and desires.’ Those were the words I found hardest to define. Often, it’s described as something you wished to do, something you wished to achieve and would make you happy, of your own accord, that is. The definition was there, but when applied in real life, the meaning was lost through the influence of others. There was no independence in civilisation anymore. People often stopped reaching for their personal goals because of their surroundings and the influence of their peers. They thought that their own dream wasn’t ‘normal’ or ‘ideal’ to aim for, so they went for typical goals, like going for the better company, university, or job. There was no more uniqueness in society because of this ongoing pressure to choose certain dreams only. But where was this pressure coming from? Does it even exist? There was no hope for a civilisation that started each day to the sound of an alarm clock. Even though I thought this way, there I was, sitting in probably the most average, typical job you could think of. I had a desk job, and was an employee of an average company. I was meant to be filing papers, but my mind drifted off again, questioning the ways of the society. This train of thought had come back to mind several times. But why did it keep coming back? This hadn’t happened before. Why all the thought about personal dreams? I already had a stable job, with an income that was enough for me. I had all that I needed. I could survive. Yes, that was what I was doing, surviving. Everything I did was just so I could keep on living. But why did I want to keep on living? What was I living for? Yet another essential question of life I’d have to answer later as Mr Wright, my boss was yelling at me. He stomped up to my desk and dropped yet another towering stack of papers waiting to be checked through and edited. “These better be finished before you knock off today alright Mr Davis? No more slacking off!” He demanded before he slipped out the door. A sigh of relief escaped my lips at his departure, followed by a sigh of exhaustion at the unbelievable amount of work needed to be done. But then again, it was my fault, letting my mind drift off all the time. “Just concentrate on your work and don’t get fired.” I kept repeating to myself as I tackled the unpleasant pile of boring text. Don’t get fired… Why not? Why did I ferociously work everyday like a robot, just to keep a job I absolutely regretted applying for? My boss despised me as well. I was sick and tired of this job. No, I was sick and tired of this life. I felt like dying. The mere action of living had exhausted me to the core. Every time my alarm clock irritatingly rang to wake me up, I simply laid there, stared at the ceiling and wondered what I was actually waking up for. My life was boring and uneventful. The future was bleak and dreary. Sheepishly continuing on with my paperwork, I realised my pen was out of ink. I groaned, and disappointingly stared at my pen, trying to make it work again somehow. My attempt was clearly futile, so I proceeded to searching through my drawers for another pen. I sluggishly looked through all my drawers. In and out went several drawers, but I couldn’t find any pens.

I was beginning to get annoyed. Moving on to the final drawer, I irritably pulled the handle, shaking the things inside. And there sat my unopened packet of pens. I beamed, as if I had discovered hidden treasure. Whilst reaching for it, my eyes roamed to what was placed next to the packet of pens. There lied a cream coloured birthday card, crisp at the edges.

On the cover, the words ‘Happy Birthday’ were crossed out with a black permanent marker, and replaced with the words, ‘Hope you enjoy your new life in London! Farewell!’ I picked the card up, and studied it. Not remembering where it came from, I opened it and reread it. It mentioned things about the writer laughing about him not being able to find a farewell card, and having to buy birthday card instead. I thought the writing was strikingly familiar, it was bold and cursive, and there was always an extra flick at the end of the writer’s y’s and g’s. This was without doubt, the writing of my old Archaeology mentor, Xavier Jackson, confirmed by the signature at the bottom of the letter. But what I was truly paying attention to were the words written at the bottom of the letter:

You WILL be the best archaeologist in the world! I know you will! Don’t ever stop dreaming, Zackary Davis!

And like a waterfall, memories came flooding back into my mind, as if that last sentence was the trigger to all of it. All the memories I shoved into that box, sealed up, and placed in a small corner of my mind, hoping to forget it all and move on with life. I couldn’t control the tears. They simply burst out and wouldn’t stop flowing. Each and every one of those thoughts and feelings I bottled up inside, were being let out all at once. I was full of mixed emotions now. Sad and upset that I simply pushed all those unforgettable memories aside and forced myself to live a normal life. Yet content and pleased that I had found this letter again, letting me remember all the good times I had before I moved to London, before I was forced by my parents to apply for this dull job that I hated, and before I had to hide all my Archaeology possessions away in the dusty attic of my single-storeyed house.

And then it hit me.

The answer to all my vital questions in life; what I was living for, what I’d wake up early every morning for, what I’d give everything up for.

Enlightenment engulfed my whole being with this realisation.

Archaeology. It was my dream, my goal, and my desire.

And that was it. I wasn’t going to just sit there and keep pointlessly reading through that paper work. No more desk job! No more coffee consumption just to keep me awake! No more Mr Wright shouting in my ear! I was going to quit this crappy job, and get out there. I refused to hang about this depressing chain of ‘normal’ living anymore. I wasn’t going to let some idiotic ‘civilisation’ tell me what to do anymore. It was time to start making my own life.

I’m writing my own story now.

[city_lights31]

@Zefra:

I wasn’t going to let some idiotic ‘civilisation’ tell me what to do anymore. It was time to start making my own life.

I’m writing my own story now.

"civilization"

That just jumped out at me when I was reading it for some reason. Overall, I quite enjoyed it and think you did a fine job. I am very happy to have given some useful advice. If I come up with anything else useful - as in helping you cut the story down to make your bar of 800 words I will be sure to chime back in (though this was always a problem that I also had in creative writing and English classes.)

[Zefra]

Thanks for pointing that out, hahas.
-changes it-

Mmm, yes please do I would appreciate that.

This essay's due on Monday by the way. I might post the teacher's feedback when I get it back.