http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/pages/Ghost-Home/170869639600476
I update with a new chapter every month.
Plot:
Gritz joins F branch where he goes on missions to eradicate ghost like creatures known as ODD-ENDS.
I know how this series starts and how it's going to end, in between it I make it up but I'm careful at my direction and I make sure that what I'm going to come up with next won't retcon what I came up with before.
Hmmm…so far, I've read the first three chapters.
Here are my thoughts if I were your editor:
[hide]
Chapter 1: It's alright, but not very engaging. The main character just goes to Ghost Home and just looks like he ended up there. You don't need to explain everything about him, but it should look like that he wasn't there just by accident. Try expanding on the flashback just a little bit, maybe connecting it with Ghost Home (like there's a poster or something in his office).
Chapter 2: The Jubilee girl's temper seems slightly cliche and forced. The main comment I have, however, is that the audience doesn't need the guy to comment that the symbol on the rug is the same as on his hat. The reader should get that just by looking, especially if we see it over and over again.
Chapter 3: I think you dropped the ball a little when Nishi explains the Odd Ends. I know that they're supposed to be a new factor and all, but it would probably be more visually appealing if we got some silhouettes or something of them as they're being explained. Like a backdrop to the text about them. It would be more interesting to look at than Nishi explaining it or just a white panel with text in it. And yes, I know the reader sees one at the end of the chapter, but it would still be an opportunity to build up whatever destruction they might cause or what the more threatening ones might look like.
EDIT:
Chapter 4: No real comments there. Not too bad.
Chapter 5: I like the idea of news monitors being available to watch. Has its own little charm.
My two main complaints are:
1. The stuff on-panel looks a little confusing, and you don't need the text 'returned to normal size' if it would be more better for you as an artist/storyteller to draw it either shorter or retracting.
2. The white panels of text. All I can say is get rid of them. You can keep the text, but it would be much more fulfilling if you drew into those.
Overall: I think the story is good, but it's going to need some work. I like the premise, though.
[/hide]
Ohh GM, you made your own story.
Too bad that iam not registered in facebook and so can`t look at your work.
Any other option to look at it, or is that another reason presented to me to finally join?
Say Gepp, why do you use facebook ? Wouldn't Deviantart be a little easier to use ?
And wouldn't it be easier to post the pictures in here? Thank you, Please.
Uh, guys, you don't need to sign onto Facebook to read it.
Just open the folders/images in a new tab and use the Previous/Next buttons.
I like it. When I do my comic, I have a bad habit of making my chapters too short (4 pages…), so I just do a big, run-on comic...But you're good with pacing and stuff, I think.
Okay i read a bit of it and thought the story is okay.
But you definitely have to draw the charas and the stuff whats going on more accentuated, because sometimes the backround is so overloaded that you can barely see whats going on.
Unrevealed_Loki/Rocks/Im-san_
IslandElbaf/Raftel/GodValley
UnresolvedWeevil´s plan/Explaining DFs/Deal with Kuma-Bonney´s past/Joy-Boy/Zunisha´s story/Rocks flashback/Void Century/Rioponeglyph/Uranus/the D.clan
DFWind/Metal/Acid/Liquid/Time-Stop
@Cuddles:
Hmmm…so far, I've read the first three chapters.
Here are my thoughts if I were your editor:
[hide]
Chapter 1: It's alright, but not very engaging. The main character just goes to Ghost Home and just looks like he ended up there. You don't need to explain everything about him, but it should look like that he wasn't there just by accident. Try expanding on the flashback just a little bit, maybe connecting it with Ghost Home (like there's a poster or something in his office).
Chapter 2: The Jubilee girl's temper seems slightly cliche and forced. The main comment I have, however, is that the audience doesn't need the guy to comment that the symbol on the rug is the same as on his hat. The reader should get that just by looking, especially if we see it over and over again.
Chapter 3: I think you dropped the ball a little when Nishi explains the Odd Ends. I know that they're supposed to be a new factor and all, but it would probably be more visually appealing if we got some silhouettes or something of them as they're being explained. Like a backdrop to the text about them. It would be more interesting to look at than Nishi explaining it or just a white panel with text in it. And yes, I know the reader sees one at the end of the chapter, but it would still be an opportunity to build up whatever destruction they might cause or what the more threatening ones might look like.
EDIT:
Chapter 4: No real comments there. Not too bad.
Chapter 5: I like the idea of news monitors being available to watch. Has its own little charm.
My two main complaints are:
1. The stuff on-panel looks a little confusing, and you don't need the text 'returned to normal size' if it would be more better for you as an artist/storyteller to draw it either shorter or retracting.
2. The white panels of text. All I can say is get rid of them. You can keep the text, but it would be much more fulfilling if you drew into those.
Overall: I think the story is good, but it's going to need some work. I like the premise, though.
Thanks for the criticism, i'll take what you say to heart for future chapters. When it comes to those huge blocks of text, I do that because i'm lazy i'll admit, i'm not very good when it comes to imagery, hell I had no idea what the ODD ENDS looked like when nishi was explaining them. I do have this current arc planned out just some stuff isn't fleshed out as well.
@No:
Say Gepp, why do you use facebook ? Wouldn't Deviantart be a little easier to use ?
I don't like Deviantart that's why, lol
@Sniper:
I like it. When I do my comic, I have a bad habit of making my chapters too short (4 pages…), so I just do a big, run-on comic...But you're good with pacing and stuff, I think.
Thank you, I never see my pacing as good, granted I don't think i'm a tite kubo, lol
@Don:
Okay i read a bit of it and thought the story is okay.
But you definitely have to draw the charas and the stuff whats going on more accentuated, because sometimes the backround is so overloaded that you can barely see whats going on.
Maybe I should make the characters a little thicker. I just hope it's not too confusing like Yatsuhiro Nightow…than again he's one of my many influences.
Things are getting more interesting, though your drawing style still needs ironing out.
I am intrigued about where we're going with those three men.
@Cuddles:
Things are getting more interesting, though your drawing style still needs ironing out.
I am intrigued about where we're going with those three men.
I wouldn't be a true artist if I didn't want to grow. Once an artist thinks there perfect that's when they can no longer learn. I read that somewhere.
On page 5, I'm having a little trouble telling what's going on in the second panel.
The designs on page 6 and 7 are a treat for me, to be sure.
The battle where that guy split the ground got too confusing for me. I couldn't tell what was going on afterwards.
I adore the idea of a blood gourd, and that you have to fill them all with blood to revive a God.
Can any old blood go in there, or does it have to be special blood sometimes?
@Cuddles:
On page 5, I'm having a little trouble telling what's going on in the second panel.
The designs on page 6 and 7 are a treat for me, to be sure.
The battle where that guy split the ground got too confusing for me. I couldn't tell what was going on afterwards.
I adore the idea of a blood gourd, and that you have to fill them all with blood to revive a God.
Can any old blood go in there, or does it have to be special blood sometimes?
On page 5 the first 2 pages show surge spotting his sword since he left it there after getting countered
there are 4 battles happening: Point 4, halfway to Point 4, Point 3 and The town of Wayon.
the blood inside of the blood gourd can't have clean blood in it
! ODD-ENDS have what's considered "clean blood"
–- Update From New Post Merge ---
Sorry that I was absent for the last chapter. I'll start there:
8
[hide] This is a pretty cool story so far. You misspelled 'forth' on page 4, though.
This back story is a good hook. I do hope that later on you'll expand on it in a flashback. I really want to see where this goes. [/hide]
9
[hide] I'd like to see this other dead planet one day and see how it connects with the story. Maybe even something important left behind.
The action sequence…hard to follow. :S [/hide]
Pretty good direction overall.
I'm just glad your still reading it cuddles and I do try and make my action sequences easy to follow. BTW recognize the character that kicks surge at the end?
It's that super hero guy right?
Sorry if that's wrong, it's been a while since I've read this.
Yes and it's allright, I don't release this one as often as I do my former series. PM me if you want the link to the other series.
So It's been awhile since i've updated this and I have 2 more chapters out.
Chapter 10:
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.277364592284313.65235.170869639600476&type=1
This series returns at the end of this month =D.
