My stupid One Piece story…

[silver griffin girl]

Ok, whilst the forums were down, I was really, REALLY bored. Evil results from my boredom, so I wrote a story out of my boredom. It's about Johnny and Yosaku, with appearances by other minor characters. I'm posting the first two chapters right here:

Chapter 1: New Task!! After the fall of Arlong Park, Johnny and Yosaku's bounty hunting business had slowed to a crawl. The problem was, the two had practically vanquished every weak foe in the East blue (That they knew of) and all the rest were too strong for them to defeat… That was until one day, when visiting the government agencies...

Koby and Helmeppo were toiling with odd jobs as usual, this time putting up wanted posters for new threats to the World Government. This week there were some particularly odd wanted posters mixed in with the normal ones of pirates... In fact, some appeared to be subject to alien tampering...

"Giant mutant spinach wanted for 30000berries for attacking the puny humans? Transforming nosepicker wanted for 100000berries for spraying mayonase across Nikolailand? Pfft! The officials have gone insane!" snorted Helmeppo as he scanned several of the wanted posters.

Koby looked at the wanted posters and said, "No, I don't think that the officials actually MADE these... I think these were made by someone... or something else..."

"Probably some punk." replied Helmeppo.

As these two were conversing, Johnny and Yosaku had entered the Marine base. "It's been a week Yosaku, so there is probably some new pirate for us to hunt and get the bounty on." said Johnny to his partner.

"Hey, look, those two have wanted posters! Lets look at them!" said Yosaku to Johnny. "Hey! can you give us some of the new wanted posters?" He then said to Koby and Helmeppo.

"OK." said Koby, as he handed over some of the more bizzare wanted posters.

"Hmm... Engleburt Demiew... Should we go after him, Yosaku?" asked Johnny.

"Ok, he doesn't sound too hard..." agreed Yosaku.

And so they said goodbye to Koby & Helmeppo and left to go after Engleburt Demiew's bounty. Little did they know, they not only underestimated Engleburt, but they messed up on the gender as well... Engleburt was actually a very wicked and vicious little girl...

Nobody knows why she is so evil, but perhaps she just finds joy in others suffering... And nothing bad had happened to Engleburt in her past; she had lived with her family, keeping them as human slaves. Except when her sister Ugglebob was late in delivering a cake from West blue, Engleburt had voted Ugglebob out of the family. Not long afterwards, her parents ran away.

Engleburt hadn't been alone for long. Soon after, she appeared at the doorstep of the Demiew family (consisting of Nippish, who passed high school, and her cousin Greek who liked to pretend he was magic.) and demanded to stay. She even took the family name. However, tormenting them did not sate her. She wanted more power... more money... more fame... and she knew she would never get that by being an actor...

So she made her own authentic wanted posters by going to a Marine base, and using the LOOK OF POWER (dzooooooo) to subdue the marines. Afterwards, she used the printers to create bogus wanted posters. The pictures were of Greek's "action figures" (everyone knows that they are dolls.).

And thus began her reign of terror...

Can Johnny and Yosaku defeat Engleburt? And will they ever realize that Engleburt is a GIRL despite the inappropriate name? Find out in the next stupid//random//sizzling (circle one) adventure of JOHNNY & YOSAKU!!

**Chapter 2: But First, Let's Have a Good Lunch! Johnny and Yosaku decided that before they set out to capture or kill Engleburt for HER bounty, they would go to Baratie and have a good lunch, so that they would be energized for their adventure.

"It's ALIVE!!!" Said Patty Cook as he took a blob of something that was moving on a saucepan out of the oven. He then took the THING (you're not really going to call that food are you?) to the table that Johnny and Yosaku were sitting at. "Here is your order, sirs." he then said.

Johnny poked the THING with his fork, and Yosaku took a bite. Yosaku's face turned baby blue and he fell on the floor with pus dripping out of his eyes.

"NO!!! YOSAKU!!!" cried Johnny in distress. He tasted the THING, and then said, "No wonder! This has CABBAGES in it! Yosaku's allergic to cabbages! But otherwise this meal is delicious." Said he, as he went to complain to the chef.

In the Kitchen, Patty was stirring some of Carne's toenail clippings in a pot that smelled strangely of fairy dust and chlorine. Then Johnny burst in.

"Whoever put Cabbages in our food, stand up now!" Said Johnny.

"But we're all standing!" Said one cook, named Lactotrick.

"HOW DARE YOU SASQUATCHES TRY TO KILL MY POTATO–I mean partner!" roared Johnny.

Patty came up to Johnny, and asked, "Do you have a problem?"

"Yeah I do; I'm suffering from anxiety, and depression, my back has barnacles stuck to it, my bladder is full to bursting, and on top of it all, some hydrogen tank in here tried to kill my friend by putting cabbages in our food!"

"Silly, there aren't any cabbages aboard this ship! Since our supply ship was taken, I've been using Chef Zeff's nosehair instead!" explained Patty.

"Oh." Said Johnny. "Then what's wrong with Yosaku?"

Yosaku came in the room. "Hey Johnny, what are you doing in here? The food was great!" He said.

"Yosaku! You're alive!! Thank goodness! Anyways, what happened back there? You had me worried."

"Oh, that? One of my kidneys failed. I was lucky that there was a replacement in the food!"

And with that, the two bounty hunters did a happy dance.

"Hey, Chef, what do you call that food you gave us?" Yosaku asked Patty.

Patty thought about it for a moment, pulled out a small dictionary, scanned it, and said; " I call it a Hypercritical Rajput."

And so Johnny and Yosaku paid their bill, and Patty said "Come again Yesterday!" and the bounty hunters left.

Will Johnny and Yosaku find Engleburt? And will we ever find out what the "Hypercritical Rajput" actually is? Find out in the next moronic//amazing//paradox-filled (circle one) adventure of JOHNNY AND YOSAKU!!

End Story so far.

Ok, just so you know, the Demiews are a family I made in the sims… My story probably isn't so good, but It's my first OP fanfic, so I decided to practice on the minor characters so that if I screw up too much, then it won't matter as much as screwing up Luffy or Usopp's characters.**

[Ranier]

Aie, dear heart. It's not as stupid as some other dreck out there floating in the net, but it certainly is flooded with… randomness.

Do you want a real review or you just want to share the fic without getting any feedback? If it's the latter, then I'll keep my own opinion to myself.

[silver griffin girl]

I want to hear what people think. If you think it's bad, just tell me what I need to fix, otherwise, I really don't care. I already think bad of myself and this is just a practice fiction so that I don't screw up with more important characters.

[Ranier]

Do not undermine this story. It has nothing to do with how bad you think you are. If you want to write, just write. And people will judge the story, not you.

What I think of the two chapters you posted:

1. It has some punctuation problems:
-Too many ellipses. Having two in almost every paragraph is just too much.
-Missing commas: "Character A is speaking**,"** said Character B.
-Misplaced dots: I am on a diet (though I still eat two gallons of ice cream everyday).

2. Yosaku and Johnny don't add the suffix -sempai to each other's name. They also don't call each other "Aniki", since it's reserved for Zoro and his friends.

3. It's Berry. Not Belli, not Beri, not Belly, and not Beli.

4. Engleburt is a delightful character so far. She may prove the strongest point in this story, as long as you're careful with her characterization, because she's a suitable villain for both protagonists.

5. The part about toenails and nosehair just brings down the story into the level of 'random and pointless humor'. You begin with an interesting original character and a funny premise (wanted aliens, wicked child), and it may bloom into an enjoyable humor if, again, you're careful.

I won't tell you to fix anything. All I have done is pointing out what I see as problems, but I will not tell you to fix them. You have to tell yourself to do it. This is your story, even though you claim that this is 'just a practice fiction', so any changes to it must come from you.

[silver griffin girl]

Ok, thank's for the catch about what J&Y call eachother, and the Berries. I edited my first post. Anyways, here's chapters 3 and 4! (Chapter 3 I did last night, before making this topic, and chapter 4 I did afterwards.)

**Chapter 3: Of Gin and Pink-Spotted Chocolate Rhinocereses After eating and neglecting to get information on Engleburt, Johnny and Yosaku set sail in no particular direction, in search of Engleburt and her bounty. The weather was fair, and they decided to go in whichever direction the wind took them. At sunset, there was no land in sight, so they read eachother bedtime stories (Johnny read Yosaku a book called Let's Not Share, and Yosaku read Johnny a book called Bounty Hunting for Morons.) and went to sleep.

In the morning, they continued to sail, and between looking out for land, the two played Dungeons and Dorks. By noon, there was land in sight, and Yosaku had 54.2 more magic points than Johnny. They sailed towards the isle to look for Engleburt, or clues about her.

"I'll disquise our ship so that nobody steals it!" Said Johnny as he pulled out a bucket of red paint.

"Good thinking, Johnny! And if there is any left over we can use it to cover up our trail, so no one can pursue us!" Replied Yosaku.

Afterwards, the two entered the lush rainforest that covered most of the island. It wasn't long before strange things began happening.

"Johnny, did you by any chance hear a snort?" asked Yosaku.

"No, but did you smell chocolate?" answered Johnny.

"Yeah, but that could just be coming from my pockets. But I KNOW that I saw a flash of pink in this forest."

"Uh Oh… Did you think it could be..."

"What could it be, Johnny?"

"A... a pink-spotted chocolate Rhinoceres!"

A twig snapped, and the bounty hunters ran screaming even deeper into the forest until they ran into a very well-placed Redwood tree. At which time, their pursuer loomed over them. They shook and whimpered in terror. That is until...

"Hey, do you guys by any chance have some money? Or a ship? I've been trapped on this island for almost a week now!" said the shadowy figure. "And by the way, my name is Gin."

They stood up and sighed in relief.

"A human! Boy am I glad!" said Johnny.

"Yeah, no pink-spotted chocolate rhinocereses." sighed Yosaku.

"What's so scary about a stupid chocolate rhino with pink spots?" aked Gin.

"They... they GET you... We're scared just thinking about it." Said J&Y. "And anyways, we're Johnny and Yosaku, the famous bounty hunters. What do you need our money for?"

"Oh, THAT. I was trying to get to the grand line in the boat that Sanji gave me, but I got lost. So I landed on this island to ask for directions, and you know what those losers on the ship did? They left without me! I found this one guy, and paid him to build a nice ship, but instead, he gave me a SHEEP. I was about to beat him into either a) building a ship, or b) giving back my money, but he took my tonfas, and dissipeared! And I've been stuck here ever since." Said Gin.
"We've got a ship! But we're not giving it to you. We just want directions to where Engleburt is, so we can get his bounty." Said Johnny.

"Hey, aren't you one of the Don Krieg pirates?" asked Yosaku.

"I was. But since they left me I'm thinking of starting my own crew and going to the grand line. Don't kill me just yet--not that you could-- I think we can parley. Since I need a ticket off this Island, and money for a ship, you could first take me off this island, and when we get Engleburt, we'll split the money three ways. In return, I'll take you to Engleburt, and help you fight him. Sound fair?" explained Gin.

"OK!!!" Said Johnny and Yosaku.

So the trio headed back to the ship, following the line that Johnny drew with the leftover red paint, boarded the ship and were about to leave, when suddenly behind them a strange voice said, "Wait!"

They turned around to see a strange old man riding none other than a pink-spotted chocolate rhinoceres. He ran up to Gin and said, "I finished cleaning your tonfas. " and then he handed over the tonfas.

Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo, ta ta ta-ta, SHINE!! Said the background music as Gin regained his weapons.

Then they left the island.

Will they reach the island of Engleburt unharmed? And will they ever discover that Engleburt is not a he, but a she? Find out in the next retarded//deep//cheese induced (circle one) adventure of JOHNNY AND YOSAKU!! (And Gin too!)

**Chapter 4: Pig Gin navigated their ship until sundown, at which point he told J&Y their course.

"First, we have to go over by Kokoyashi Island. Then we travel South from there until we reach an island with a big pine tree on it. After that, we go to Nightmareland. The weird old guy with the rhino told me that Engleburt was there before he took my tonfas to polish them. He kept on going on about Engleburt being the worst thing to walk the world since sliced bread." he explained. "Any questions?"

"Nightmareland? Isn't that in Alabasta, Gin-Sempai?" asked Johnny.

"And I like sliced bread." pouted Yosaku.

"Yeah, but that's what the old guy said. Not me. I like sliced bread too. Especially with garlic. And Nightmareland is NOT in Alabasta. It's in an alternate dimension!" Said Gin.

"Oh." said J&Y.

Then they went to bed and had dreams about nuclear war and butterflies and whatever random things we always dream about. (Once I had a dream about surgery, and a dream about the simpsons on the same night!)

In the morning, they were awoken by a 'THUNK'. Gin went to go see what it was, because Johnny had scared Yosaku into thinking that the pink-spotted chocolate rhinoceres had come back to GET them.

Gin stepped outside of the cabin to see none other than a large pig, with large semi-transparent wings that resembled that of an insect's plunked on it's back. It also had a pouch carrying what looked like mail strapped around it. Gin, like most people who had just seen a weird creature land on the deck of a ship, was speechless.

"Ungh… Not exactly my choice of landing... but it will do for now. I'm too tired to go any further." said the pig.

Gin didn't say a word. He wasn't afraid--he simply thought that he had gone mad. Pigs don't have wings! Pigs don't talk!! he thought in disbelief, and unwittingly let out a soft, "huh?".

The pig turned it's head.

"Oh. Hello. You must be the owner of this ship. You don't mind if I take a nap here for a little, do you?" It said politely.

**Pigs don't talk! said Gin's thought's urgently, but he seemed to have frozen in place.

"I just need a little rest and I'll be on my way." The pig said, as it began to doze.

**PIGS DON'T TALK!!

"What is going on?! Pig's don't talk! And they don't have wings either! This all must be a dream! Either that or I've gone insane!" Gin finally burst out.

The pig bit itself and said; "I'm not completely sure, but I at least THINK that I am not a dream or an illusion."

Meanwhile, Johnny and Yosaku hadn't heard from Gin in a while, so thinking of the P-SCR, and how it might have GOTTEN Gin, they burst out to try and avenge their friend.

"Unhand Gin-Sempai, you fiend or whatever you are!" The two said as they ran outside, swords unsheathed, (I know they don't have scabbards, but I have no other word to describe them having their swords out.) and ready for battle.

Of course they weren't expecting what lay before them.

"Hey, you got us breakfast!" Shouted Yosaku happily, pointing to the pig.

"Good job, Sempai!" agreed Johnny.

The pig was a bit ticked off by the remark about it being 'breakfast', and said; "I'm not your food, stupid humans. I'm just here to rest."

And of course:

"You're a ventriloquist, Gin-Sempai?! AMAZING!" the two bounty hunters said.

"I don't sound like that. That pig is talking." Gin said, now aware he was awake, because he couldn't just dream up Johnny and Yosaku.

"Darn tootin'!" Said the pig.

---

A few hours later, Johnny, Yosaku, and Gin had explained their quest to the pig, who in turn explained that it was no normal pig–it was a mail-pig.

Mail-pigs are largish pigs that have insect-like wings, and little opposable thumbs on their front paws, just above where the hoof started. They could also talk in any language, and carried mail across the oceans and land masses along with vampires. It then explained why they were teamed up with vampires; mail-pigs are always gaining blood at a much faster rate than losing it, and if they do not bleed themselves often enough, they will have too much of it to fit in their body, and explode. On the other hand, vampires just don't have enough blood, and if they do not bite and sip the blood of other creatures, they will surely die. Mail-pigs are immune to the venom in a vampire's fang, and thus, if a vampire feeds on the blood of a mail-pig it will be unaffected--infact, it will be healthier than it was before, and the vampire will also be healthy. Those mail-pigs and vampires working at the Vampyre Mail Service are paired up with eachother (1 vampire to 1 mail-pig.) and are able to coexist quite well whilst working.

"Hmm... If I do recall, you said that you would pass by Kokoyashi Island. My partner said that she would wait for me at a Takoyaki stand near that place. If you don't mind, could you drop me off there?" Asked the pig.

"Of course we'll take you there!" Said J&Y.

And so the trio and the mail-pig sailed off towards Hatchi's Takoyaki stand.

Will the mail-pig ever be reunited with it's partner? And will we ever be aware of the mail-pigs name and gender? Find out in the next glowing//jaw-dropping//lactose-intolerant (circle one) adventure of JOHNNY AND YOSAKU!! (And Gin too!)

End Story so far.

I made up the mail piggys; infact, there's one in my signature! (What's that doing there.) As for the Goofy Randomness… I was bored and randomness results from my boredom...********