Disclaimer: One Piece belongs to Eiichiro Oda and Jack and the beanstalk belongs the British not me so legal boys leave me alone
Luffy and the Beanstalk
Once upon a time in the East Blue, there was a farmer named Monkey D. Luffy, who lived with his wife Nami and son Kapo in a cottage outside of Fuchsia Village. Luffy was a tad disappointed that the needed rain for his crops didn't come, so he didn't do any farming, which pissed off his wife a bit who scolded him about the situation.
“Luffy, if you're not going to grow any crops, then you might as well go to the village market and sell the cow if we are going to get any food.” Nami said. Luffy groaned in disappointment, got up, put on his straw hat, and took the cow to the market.
He didn't go to the market instead he came across a guitar playng skeleton, who asked "Hey, man, where ya goin'? "."Just to the market to sell my cow and try to get some money",said Luffy. the skeleton, whose name was Brook by the way, reclined on the curb, took a puff of his bomber and said, "Why money, when you can feed your family for a month with beans." Luffy thought about it for a while then said okay. With that Brook took the cow and filled Luffy's hat with beans.
Luffy came back with a big grin on his face and his straw hat filled with beans. Nami thought he had gold coins in his hat, but when she saw he had a hat full of beans, god was she furious. “Luffy, what the FUCK are these?” Nami yelled.
“What, those beans can feed the family for a month” Luffy said. Nami was angry and took the beans to the window and threw the out, much to Luffy's chagrin.She then solded him about the importance of bringing in money, but all he heard was 23 f-bombs thrown at him.
After his lesson Luffy went to bed, looking at his gun in the nightstand drawer, and started thinking what suicide would do to his wife and child.When he decided not to do it he closed the drawer, kissed Nami on the cheek, and went to sleep.
Unbeknownst to Nami and Luffy, the beans found their way to the family crop field, and once there the beans started germinating to a massive plant.
The next morning Nami got to the kitchen to make porridge for the baby when she hit what felt like a wall, she looked up and started screaming at the green behemoth.
Luffy got out of bed to see what all the screaming was about. When he found Nami she was staring at the base of a large beanstalk.Nami was petrified, so Luffy ignored her and got some climbing tools from the shed and proceeded to climb the beanstalk.
Luffy spent three hours climbing the nearly endless beanstalk,until he went to the skylands. He felt the clouds with his hands and then with his feet. He found the clouds soft yet firm like Skypiea's Angel Island, so he proceeded onward.
Luffy walked for two hours until he came across a giant castle.He looked at the magnificence of the house and thought there will be treasure to feed his family for life, so he ran into the house.
Luffy's tour didn't go as well as planned(What the hell, does he plan anything?), mainly because he was picked up by a large girl wearing a dirndll(German festival clothing), whose name was Jaguar D. Robin, who thought Luffy was one of her dolls.
"There you are Mr. Periwinkle. I've been looking all over for you, we are late for our tea party.", Robin told Luffy.Luffy was scared shitless thinking what would happen, became as silent as a doll as Robin took him to her room.
As Robin passed a study, Luffy's scent emanated to the nostrils of a larger giant dressed in lederhosen(german festival clothing) who was reading a book on illnesses. when Saul took a whiff of this smell, he yelled:
I smell the blood of an East Blue man,
Be he to death, or with life
For I will use his blood for my wife"
"Oh shut up already!", yelled a terminally ill woman also dressed in dirndl.
"Sorry Olvia, just stay in bed and l'll be back with a cure". and with that, Saul went to find Luffy.
Meanwhile, in Robin's bedroom, Luffy saw dolls big and small, new and old, including (to him life size) Shichibukai plushies. Robin put Luffy in a chair near a Ryuk and Luna Moria plush.
After two minutes of fake conversation, Saul came into the room asking "Robin, have you seen my medicine vault keys?". with a conversation
between father and daughter, Luffy used his Gomu Gomu no Rocket to get from Robin's room to the study on the far side of the corridor.
When Luffy got in the study he heard a voice singing.When he got to the top of of a desk to investigate, he found what looked to be a golden woman attached to a golden harp singing:
"You can meet a boy that gives you a light
Once in a life he can makes you feeling fine
With you and me together
I can't say goodbye to you, you were my world
Baby you killed me in a moment with a knife and a rose in your smile
Baby I need you please
Save me now
I don't believe you want to leave me alone
'Cause baby I can't survive
You got to keep me alive
So baby save me
I need your love
To keep my faith and be strong
Now we can try again to get along
'Cause baby I can't survive
Please baby save me"
Conis stopped when she saw Luffy listening and asked, "who are you?".
"I'm Luffy and I just came came looking for treasure to feed my family",Luffy said.
"You're looking at the only treasure in this whole castle", said Conis.
"good then, you're coming with me."
I can't lave unless my master gives me permission or is dead"
Just when Luffy was getting ready to take Conis with him, Conis yelped, and a large hand took hold of Luffy.Saul laughed at his catch and said "Oi, so you're the East Blue man whose blood I smelt"
Luffy, scared out of his wits, asked, "What do you want from me?".
Saul chuckled, took out a large syringe, and said "Your blood".
"OH SHIT!", exclaimed Luffy.
Saul used the syringe to take out enough blood to make into a drink to give to Olvia.
With Saul gone, Luffy tried to set himself free, struggling to get off the table.
Olvia appeared in the study at that time drinking Saul's elixir, when she saw Luffy, she thanked him for curing her, and gave gave Luffy her harp(Conis), a bite size piece of silver, and five golden eggs. She also told him to be on his way before Saul found him.
Saul, while on his way to his study, saw a well cured and smiling Olvia walink out of the study, and that's also when he saw Luffy making a run for the front door. "See ya", said Luffy laughing with Conis and a bag of "loot" in hands running for the door.
This pissed of Saul a lot, so he started chasing Luffy with what looked to be a Wallace sword.
Luffy ran till he got to the beanstalk, figuring how to get down with his treasure intact, decided to slide down the beanstalk with the bag strapped to his back.
Nami was wondering where was all morning when Luffy put down the stuff from the giant's castle."I went out on an adventure" said Luffy, going to the basement to get an axe to chop down the beanstalk.
Luffy knew Saul would be after him, so he chopped down the beanstalk as hard as he could.
When Saul started on the beanstalk, his weight could not be supported and the beanstalk and it fell, taking Saul to the ground headfirst, instantly killing him.
With his ordeal over, Luffy decided to keep Conis, and sold the eggs and silver for one billion beri, which got got him out of poverty. Robin got her real Mr. Periwinkle doll which was under her bed. Olvia didn't mourn her husband mainly because of his greed. Luffy and his family moved to a ranch in the village and Luffy and his son went back to farm work.
a complete omake parody of Jack and the Beanstalk crossed with One Piece
cameos: Brook-bean giver/stoner(marijuana reference)
Monkey D. Kapo(OC) - baby
Nico Robin(kid)as Jaguar D. Robin, the giant's daughter
I was going to have Hancock as the harp,but Conis played a harp in Oda's manga so why not have Conis as the harp eh,eh?
song:"Save me" from Leslie Parrish(Initial D)