@Daz:
If I could narrow it down, the vibe I get from the MCU movies is "Spider Man is cool! Its cool being Spider Man!"; and while I've certainly always found Spider Man cool, that coolness was built on the fact that being Spider Man was really, REALLY hard, and that Spidey kept going despite the toll it took- something I feel Spiderverse tapped into very succesfully.
I agree with everything you said, but on this point I argue it's the exact opposite. The MCU movies, to me, love making fun of Spider-Man. Mocking how small-time and young he is compared to the Avengers. And emphasizing how cool it would be for Peter to take on "Avengers-level" threats and play with the type of tech that Iron Man makes.
Which is emblematic of modern Disney movies as a whole, especially the live-action remakes. You know, how they love to do the whole intertextual nudge nudge, wink wink "ain't this trope you remember SOOOO dated or unrealistic", but then they do the tropes anyways as if they're afraid of being themselves. So it only makes the movie feel unnecessary and watered down.
That's why Spider-Verse makes such a positive impression. Because it's all about celebrating why Spider-Man is awesome and inspiring, right down to having Spider-Man merchandise be an in-world diegetic element for plot devices, humor, and overall aesthetic. Which Lord and Miller carried over from their work on self-reverent referential media franchises like the LEGO Movies and LEGO Batman.
@Demon:
As for his love of Iron Man:
1: His first ever issue of his self-titled solo comic was him trying to join the Fantastic Four. There's precedent for him wanting to belong to the superhero community in the MU.
Comic book Peter tried to join the Fantastic Four solely because he thought he could get paid and improve his reputation, but refused when they said they were a nonprofit and accused him of being a criminal. He was a working class hero, dealing with working class struggles, protecting working class loved ones.
And when he does eventually join the FF and Avengers, he doesn't serve any purpose besides being bros with Human Torch and an extra bit player that cracks jokes.
MCU Peter wants to impress Tony Stark because he wants to be seen as an A-lister and become an Avenger. Add in the stakes for both MCU Spidey movies being supervillains stealing Iron Man's tech, and Peter never once acknowledges Tony did reckless stuff with said tech that's just as bad, if not worse than both Vulture and Mysterio's plans. He was practically a superhero fanboy stanning billionaires. And without Uncle Ben being directly mentioned, that's the only thing motivating him aside from a vaguely implied past failure and a conventional moral compass.
The latter isn't inherently a bad premise for a superhero movie. It would line up very well for adaptations of Ms. Marvel or Sam Alexander Nova. But for Spider-Man, that change only rubs me the wrong way more and more as current real world events keep proceeding.
2: They introduced him via Civil War where he did indeed have a very close relationship with Iron Man. Pete was basically his intern following him around everywhere. Later, after they had a falling out, Peter said he was "Like a father" to him.
And that's exactly what's missing from Peter and Tony's MCU relationship. The falling out moment. And I don't mean Tony becoming disappointed in Peter so he takes away the fancy suit. But Peter being disappointed in Tony by realizing how flawed and self-centered he can be.
Comic Book Civil War Tony is indeed way too cartoonishly corrupt, but the MCU had plenty of ripe ground by Homecoming and especially Far from Home for a more nuanced take. Where Peter sees how Tony's actions created Ultron and Vulture, attempted to kill someone for crimes they committed while brainwashed, and knowingly drafting a naive kid into a superhero war. We literally two villains in a row that were originally sabotaged by Tony somehow, and Peter either shrugged it off (Vulture) or never heard about it (Mysterio).
At the very least, have Peter at the end of Homecoming start calling him Tony instead of Mr. Stark. That way you get to have your cake and eat it too by showing that Peter still has respect for Stark without putting him on a pedestal.
Plus, FFH was pretty decisively about him moving on from Iron Man. Future movies featuring him SHOULD have basically no IM stuff save a passing mention.
Was it really though? If anything, Happy's vague whole "Tony made mistakes too" monologue without going into specifics and Peter making a new suit with AC/DC playing implies otherwise.
And people said the exact same thing about Peter moving on from wanting to be like Iron Man after Homecoming. And Mysterio exposing Spider-Man's identity only furthers that connection, especially since everyone close to Peter (besides Flash, who's purely a punchline) already knows who he is so there's no interpersonal drama there. Come to think of it, I remember there being an interview after Far from Home released where Jon Watts or one of the actors said the post-credits scene was supposed to parallel Tony announcing he's Iron Man in Iron Man 1 as an epilogue to the Infinity Stones saga.
So I don't care for leaning on that line of blind faith logic until we get a whole trailers and a whole movie of having Spider-Man unapologetically be Spider-Man.
Far from Home would have had a much stronger message if the script had Peter realize that Mysterio, in trying to usurp Tony's tech because he sees himself as a true hero above everyone else, is unknowingly emulating all of Tony's worst traits. To the point you can't even really call Quentin Beck an "evil Iron Man" so much as an even more unhinged and egocentric Tony Stark 2.0. The drone strikes are even a redux of all the Iron Man robots Tony made in Age of Ultron that Ultron stole control over.
So Peter therefore realizes that Beck (the new hero he thought was better than him), and by extension Tony Stark, is the last kind of person he wants to be pressured into becoming. And that Spider-Man's humble origins/abilities and restraint are the meaningful divide separates them. Then tie that development in with Peter honing his Spider-Sense, one of the few abilities exclusive to only him, to overcome Beck's illusions instead of just building a better suit like Tony would. The movie even recognizes that Iron Man is similar to Mysterio when Flash remarks that Mysterio looks like a fusion of Iron Man and Thor, but it never considers further comparing the two tech fiends.
Like, I know opinions are opinions and if you still don't like it fine, I'm not trying to change minds but I don't like the "He doesn't make mistakes!" or "He suffers no consequences for being Spider-Man!" thing when he very clearly obviously does.
That's actually my exact problem. To me… MCU Peter almost exclusively makes mistakes. Up until the third act of both movies where he just gets better at being a hero all of a sudden without actually changing up his strategy. Unless you count the "Peter Tingle" but that's less character growth and more a sudden power-up conveniently kicking in when you need it most.
But the movies want us to think he had an arc. And the plot either has most of his constant mistakes have consequences washed away or be played for laughs, even though plenty of those mistakes end up almost accidentally killing people and wrecking their property. That works for a irreverent, edgy superhero parody/satire like Kick-Ass or Deadpool, not for a legitimate superhero drama.
This cycle happens to the point MCU Peter hardly has any redeemable qualities for me. And so even when he's acting relatably awkward and depressed, or ditching his friends to try (emphasis on try) being a responsible Spider-Man, he only annoys me at best. Because I don't care about seeing him improve. If anything, he deserves to feel bad about himself. I want him to quit and retire early lol.
I've said this before, but watching MCU Spider-Man movies makes me feel like J. Jonah Jameson. Because MCU Peter is written as a superhero parody or a shonen manga gag character that we're suddenly supposed to take seriously.
Everyone can feel free to rag on Tobey and Andrew's Spider-Men, neither of them are perfect takes on Peter with plenty of accurate criticism their way. But at least they were competent at being superheroes for most of their screentime. With their failures or corruption being few and far apart amidst their effectiveness at rescuing people and fighting baddies, and thus having more impact and investment when they do fall short because I believe in their ability to pick themselves back up and be better.
Actually, Spider-Verse Miles has an extremely similar flawed hero-in-training arc as MCU Peter. Right down to having a mentor he's struggling to live up to. But it's framed in a much more endearing way that doesn't actively endanger others as often, and we see how he gradually earns becoming Spider-Man by building up his self-confidence and embracing his unique style with supportive feedback to finally master his powers linked to his emotional stability.