Please stop quoting/replying to bots; it's almost as bad as the bots themselves.
Confession Session II
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I've recently realized that sometimes, when people are looking for a romantic relationship, two people will meet with one of them asking the other out, but ultimately being met with rejection. Then, another person comes, and this time, it will be the first guy doing the rejecting. We are constantly bumping into each other, and when someone catches our fancy, we ask and recieve a no; when we catch someone else's fancy, it's our turn to politely decline, if we don't feel a connection or aren't currently looking for a partner or already have one.
This is life and this is okay. This is the first time in my life my dating game is sort of balanced.
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I've always agreed to pretty much any decision made for me and went along with whatever was happening because I'm afraid of conflict. From my parents, peers, students, strangers on the internet, etc.
I don't really care about school or work. I care in the sense of "Getting a degree might increase my chances of getting hired somewhere" and "I need to work to make money and I need money for food, water, etc." But on a personal level, there's no passion. I don't have a dream job because I'm not happy about having to spend several hours a day at a place to make money to live, then coming home probably too exhausted to do anything else except eat, sleep, and get ready for the next day. It takes so much energy just for me to even speak; I don't think I'd survive longer than a week (if that) at a full-time job. I did a part-time volunteer position for a few months and those felt like full days to me.
I'm glad I'm taking online classes this semester because I have a hard time sitting down for a long time for the on-campus lectures. I don't spend any time studying because it isn't enjoyable for me and I have a hard time motivating myself to do something I don't enjoy.
I'm an extremely casual person. I like just listening to music, taking walks, etc. I have a low tolerance for pain or hardship and tend to give up when things get tough, because I just can't take that much.
People say that you should be yourself and not what others want you to be. In the context of careers, that's applicable to cases like "My parents want me to be a doctor, but I want to be a chef" but not as applicable to "I don't really want to have to work or go to school in the first place, I just want to live and enjoy life at my own pace". Unless your parents are rich or you know some kind of life hack to making money without going through the daily grind, you can't really do that.
I've been going to college for six years now and I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted from trying to pretend to care about things that I'm only doing because I'm financially obligated to. I'm exhausted from feeling like I have to walk on eggshells and have limited autonomy, because my parents are sometimes headstrong in their decisions for me and my dad has anger issues brought on from PTSD from the Vietnam War and I'm afraid to express an opinion around him in case he disagrees and explodes. He doesn't know anything about technology and lets his imagination runs wild; he thinks if a phone is on a bed for long enough than the bed will catch on fire. And if you try to correct him about anything he'll either A) scream at you about why you're wrong, B) accuse you of calling him a liar, or C) go drama queen mode and say something like "OKAY, I'M A FUCKING MORON WHO DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING".
I don't really know what impression I'm giving off here. I feel like I might be coming across as a whiny, lazy child, which isn't my intention. I've held this in for pretty much my whole life because I was afraid of being judged that way. But I needed to get this off my chest somewhere where I felt like I could. I think I had more to say but I don't remember.
I accept Jesus Burgess as my Lord and Savior
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@Medical:
I've always agreed to pretty much any decision made for me and went along with whatever was happening because I'm afraid of conflict. From my parents, peers, students, strangers on the internet, etc.
I don't really care about school or work. I care in the sense of "Getting a degree might increase my chances of getting hired somewhere" and "I need to work to make money and I need money for food, water, etc." But on a personal level, there's no passion. I don't have a dream job because I'm not happy about having to spend several hours a day at a place to make money to live, then coming home probably too exhausted to do anything else except eat, sleep, and get ready for the next day. It takes so much energy just for me to even speak; I don't think I'd survive longer than a week (if that) at a full-time job. I did a part-time volunteer position for a few months and those felt like full days to me.
.Firstly, I don't think there's anything wrong or that you should feel guilty and that it is fine to be exhausted at times or you know for a long time.
I'm replying because your situation feels a lot like mine.
I'm currently in a position that I told myself I will not be in. Working towards a degree for the sake of it and not entirely because I'm passionate about the industry.
Sometimes socializing and rejection at school and my mother(she's not a bad mother perse) not giving any form of advice/encouragement can take a toll. Seeing people living a life they seem damn well proud of but me being a cynic, just can't seem to understand if that's really all there is to it. My family situation aside, I'm starting to feel like my capacity to deal with the grind has been grossly overestimated by myself.
When it actually started to sink it did I realize that compare to my peers and people my age, I might not be able to cope with studies and make friends as well.
My industry is that where everyone tries to be a social climber, hopefully that put things into perspective.I would say find a dream and drop your degree and chase that passion but we both know that in reality that's a can of worms and an age old debate that no one truly won yet.
Instead, I find that you might have strong intrapersonal ability or that you are self-reflective and not blind to a truth or easily deluded by your society into thinking that there is a form of happiness in being a gear in society.
No matter how passionate or how someone believe they have the best job in the world, one should never stop questioning their place in this world.
There's really no "home" or the "right fit" for anyone. Families can fall apart, there will always be someone more skilled than you.
You see successful people out there but their roles come with their own shares of worries.I'm exhausted at times and to be honest, I don't know what keeps me going either. I have no girlfriend and not having much luck making new friends in my first year nor do I care much about this study. They can tell me I'm lucky I even am getting a recognizable degree but it falls empty to me. Even if I lose future happiness if I don't have love for what I do, it doesn't really matter if I don't care about the happiness in the first place.
All I know is I have to keep going.
Do it for myself. So do it for yourself.
Whoever said money can't buy you happiness haven't been truly poor before. I rather cry wealthy and book a ticket to Paris tomorrow to feel better than to cry poor and be reliant on someone else to give me some empty words of encouragement. If you can't grind for passion, grind for the financial freedom.
And if one day you get better or stronger, grind and work smart for financial strength so that you can free from what you don't want to do.
Maybe I'm being too realistic but this keeps me going. -
I'm writing this down here in hopes that it'll further help me with coping the trauma.
Last Friday, one of my friends invited me to have a few drinks at a gay bar. I was a bit reluctant, as I had a paper due today and needed to finish up a few things, but I agreed nonetheless thinking I'll have enough time over the weekend.
After a few drinks, my friend got invited to another, bigger bar (also gay bar) and asked if I wanted to come as well. I agreed again, because I was curious about that place for a while and figured, why not.
We proceeded to that place where we met up with two other guys I hadn't met before. I got invited to a bunch of drinks (admittedly I went way overboard) and one of the guys even got interested in me. The feeling wasn't mutual and I let him know about this. He said it was okay and showed no sign of malice or anything like that. There was a drag show after which I started to feel sick and something inside me clicked: I had to go home. I ordered a glass of water at the bar which I didn't drink (only a few gulps I think) and then all my memories are either blurry or missing.
I don't remember getting my coat (I remember climbing the stairs to the exit, the bar was at basement level). I remember somehow finding myself in from of an ATM, putting in my card, somehow not fucking up my pin code (but not actually punching it in). I withrew twice from my account (about 175 dollars worth - I only know this, because I receive and SMS every time I use my card). I don't actually recall holding the money in my hands. My next memory is in a taxi, trying to slowly and cleary tell the driver what my address was. I think I got out of the taxi to throw up. Everything was blurry. The taxi disappeared. I was on the street God knows where, walking to somewhere. I was maybe in the middle of the fucking road, I'm simply unable to remember clearly. I called my grandparents for some reason (can't remember dialling or even having my phone in my hand and unlocking the lockpattern). I remember my granddad's voice. I remember seeing a bus, but couldn't figure out the number it had (it was a nightbus certainly). I remember getting on the road in front of a car, trying to draw attention to myself and getting help. At this point, I realized it wasn't some kind of dream, but reality, and a sense of "I'm going to die".
I somehow got into another taxi. After that or maybe before I remember handing my phone to the driver to talk to my mom. The next thing, I was on the ground crawling and my mom helped me get up. She made me sit in the taxi and sat next to me. I remember feeling sick and trying to open the door to throw up, but the driver asked me not to. I got a rag I held to my mouth. My mom held my hand and I cried. I asked if I was going to be okay and why my grandparents didn't love me (long story).
The next thing I remember is lying in my mom's bed at my mom's apartment and her asking me the password for my internet bank account. I lost my wallet (with almost all my id cards, money and card in it) and she wanted to quickly lock my card. I remember the password not working. She still managed to somehow lock the card.After that, I woke up and the "nightmare" was sort of over. My mom took me home to my cat. I felt sick the whole day, I could barely hold down water and coca cola. I didn't eat until late in the evening and even then, I came close to throwing it all up. My friends came to get me and took me to them so they could force me to drink and eat (slowly). And not the least to keep me company. I was still shaking and was overall in a very poor psychological shape. I even slept there.
Since then, someone found my wallet (without the money but everything else in tact), I requested another card at the bank, finished my paper, handed it in today.
So far, everyone I've told has been very sympathetic and some even told me it's almost a 100% I was drugged and it wasn't alcohol poisoning.
I have an appointment with my psychiatrist next week.
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I've been wondering if I have a form of ADD. I've noticed over time that A. I'm having problems keeping attention to say, watching TV, and B. I'm impulsive as hell.
Also, sometimes I think I talk about things (or post on the internet) I've already done before, but honestly don't remember it.
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[hide]@Nolus:
I'm writing this down here in hopes that it'll further help me with coping the trauma.
Last Friday, one of my friends invited me to have a few drinks at a gay bar. I was a bit reluctant, as I had a paper due today and needed to finish up a few things, but I agreed nonetheless thinking I'll have enough time over the weekend.
After a few drinks, my friend got invited to another, bigger bar (also gay bar) and asked if I wanted to come as well. I agreed again, because I was curious about that place for a while and figured, why not.
We proceeded to that place where we met up with two other guys I hadn't met before. I got invited to a bunch of drinks (admittedly I went way overboard) and one of the guys even got interested in me. The feeling wasn't mutual and I let him know about this. He said it was okay and showed no sign of malice or anything like that. There was a drag show after which I started to feel sick and something inside me clicked: I had to go home. I ordered a glass of water at the bar which I didn't drink (only a few gulps I think) and then all my memories are either blurry or missing.
I don't remember getting my coat (I remember climbing the stairs to the exit, the bar was at basement level). I remember somehow finding myself in from of an ATM, putting in my card, somehow not fucking up my pin code (but not actually punching it in). I withrew twice from my account (about 175 dollars worth - I only know this, because I receive and SMS every time I use my card). I don't actually recall holding the money in my hands. My next memory is in a taxi, trying to slowly and cleary tell the driver what my address was. I think I got out of the taxi to throw up. Everything was blurry. The taxi disappeared. I was on the street God knows where, walking to somewhere. I was maybe in the middle of the fucking road, I'm simply unable to remember clearly. I called my grandparents for some reason (can't remember dialling or even having my phone in my hand and unlocking the lockpattern). I remember my granddad's voice. I remember seeing a bus, but couldn't figure out the number it had (it was a nightbus certainly). I remember getting on the road in front of a car, trying to draw attention to myself and getting help. At this point, I realized it wasn't some kind of dream, but reality, and a sense of "I'm going to die".
I somehow got into another taxi. After that or maybe before I remember handing my phone to the driver to talk to my mom. The next thing, I was on the ground crawling and my mom helped me get up. She made me sit in the taxi and sat next to me. I remember feeling sick and trying to open the door to throw up, but the driver asked me not to. I got a rag I held to my mouth. My mom held my hand and I cried. I asked if I was going to be okay and why my grandparents didn't love me (long story).
The next thing I remember is lying in my mom's bed at my mom's apartment and her asking me the password for my internet bank account. I lost my wallet (with almost all my id cards, money and card in it) and she wanted to quickly lock my card. I remember the password not working. She still managed to somehow lock the card.After that, I woke up and the "nightmare" was sort of over. My mom took me home to my cat. I felt sick the whole day, I could barely hold down water and coca cola. I didn't eat until late in the evening and even then, I came close to throwing it all up. My friends came to get me and took me to them so they could force me to drink and eat (slowly). And not the least to keep me company. I was still shaking and was overall in a very poor psychological shape. I even slept there.
Since then, someone found my wallet (without the money but everything else in tact), I requested another card at the bank, finished my paper, handed it in today.
So far, everyone I've told has been very sympathetic and some even told me it's almost a 100% I was drugged and it wasn't alcohol poisoning.
I have an appointment with my psychiatrist next week.
[/hide]
Maaan fuck, I'm tremendously sorry that you had to go through this. If there is something I HATE, it is to involuntarily lose control of my senses. Thank goodness you managed to get into a safe place and that your mom and friends have your back! Looking at the circumstances you managed it as best as possible by contacting a person you trust. And thank god in the end it's only a little bit of money missing and you are safe. This absolutely sounds like a roofie, the memory loss and trouble with motoric responses, it's pretty much all typical symptoms but you fought back well so don't blame yourself but instead focus on how clearly you reacted in the middle of this nightmare. Getting psychological support is an amazing idea! If you can and feel like it get a blood sample! These drugs can be detected in your system, but only little time after the incident, I think a day or two max. If you want absolute clarity and it's not too late, do that too.
To all my apforums youngsters reading this: If you don't know what a roofie is please get some infos on it, for yourself and your friends! Be aware of its dangers. Even though I go out only rarely and infrequently I still encountered that shit twice and to this day I'm still grateful to my chemistry teacher who took her time to explain the effects of rohypnol and gave my class advice on what to look out for. That shit is tasteless and there's no way to notice that it's coming for you until it's too late. So you need to take precautions! When out with friends stranger danger needs to be on 24/7, no matter how charming the invitation from a charismatic stranger was, drinks must only come immediately from the staff's hands or in some cases a friend you really trust. When a drink has been out of sight, even for 5 seconds, it's dead, over and out. Ditch it no matter how expensive, get a new one and guard it like a hawk. Vids like this show how quickly it happens and that it can hit anyone. That's why the buddy system must always be in play. Your friend feels dizzy all of a sudden? Congratulations! You are a parent now! Don't let any stranger who's not a medic get close to your child. Get angry like a lion protecting its cub if they try to approach regardless! In return, if you feel like you're losing grip turn to that friend for protection. Nobody is left behind, nobody leaves on their own, nakamas 4 lyfe. All this advice is valid for both men and women. This shit happens to all of us but men tend to be even more guarded to talk about it. So thanks Nolus for sharing, it's the healthy thing to do. Get better soon and hopefully you overcome this experience.
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…I need a place to let everything out. I'm out of options.
! My life is a wreck. I broke up with the girl of my dreams due to an emotional outburst, and months later, I thought to reconcile with her only to realise that she's found another person. And he's clearly better than me in every way I can think of, and he's much more capable of keeping her happy, and she's still very understanding and supportive of me because she's the nicest, most kind-hearted girl in the world and I threw her away due to overwhelming self-loathing. I can't blame anyone but myself, this misery I feel is a result of my own actions.
! I can't share my sadness with my friends either, and it's not because I haven't tried. Everyone I talk to about this feels awkward, they're not used to seeing me so frantically emotional. They don't know what to do or what to say and start staying away from me because they're afraid of making things worse, and I don't blame them. Every time I look back on how I've been talking to people, I see myself just seething with sorrow and hate for my own self, and I understand why people have been staying away. Nobody wants to talk to someone like that. I've run out of people I can talk to. I'm losing my friends because I don't know how to fucking deal with my own stupid feelings. They say when you show your true self, that's when you'll know who your true friends are, but what if I don't have any true friends? I don't want to be alone. Even if they're just regular friends, I don't want them to leave me.
! And the worst part is that logical side of my brain. It's telling me that this is a stupid problem to get worked up about. There are people out there facing and struggling with problems much worse than my own, why am I breaking down over a little relationship trouble? I'm just a weak ass self-centered coward who can't even kill himself because he's afraid to die. I shouldn't be feeling so depressed. The fact that I am means my priorities aren't right. So what if I'm alone? It's better than causing other people discomfort by pouring out all your emotions onto them. Stop bothering them. They shouldn't have to carry your burdens. Nobody wants that kind of friend. Nobody wants you.
! I want to die but I'm too afraid to do it.
! I don't know what to do.FC(3DS) - 2724-4238-5489 (LZTan)
FC(Switch) - SW-3434-4042-7728 (Jin)
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@Bond:
…I need a place to let everything out. I'm out of options.
! My life is a wreck. I broke up with the girl of my dreams due to an emotional outburst, and months later, I thought to reconcile with her only to realise that she's found another person. And he's clearly better than me in every way I can think of, and he's much more capable of keeping her happy, and she's still very understanding and supportive of me because she's the nicest, most kind-hearted girl in the world and I threw her away due to overwhelming self-loathing. I can't blame anyone but myself, this misery I feel is a result of my own actions.
! I can't share my sadness with my friends either, and it's not because I haven't tried. Everyone I talk to about this feels awkward, they're not used to seeing me so frantically emotional. They don't know what to do or what to say and start staying away from me because they're afraid of making things worse, and I don't blame them. Every time I look back on how I've been talking to people, I see myself just seething with sorrow and hate for my own self, and I understand why people have been staying away. Nobody wants to talk to someone like that. I've run out of people I can talk to. I'm losing my friends because I don't know how to fucking deal with my own stupid feelings. They say when you show your true self, that's when you'll know who your true friends are, but what if I don't have any true friends? I don't want to be alone. Even if they're just regular friends, I don't want them to leave me.
! And the worst part is that logical side of my brain. It's telling me that this is a stupid problem to get worked up about. There are people out there facing and struggling with problems much worse than my own, why am I breaking down over a little relationship trouble? I'm just a weak ass self-centered coward who can't even kill himself because he's afraid to die. I shouldn't be feeling so depressed. The fact that I am means my priorities aren't right. So what if I'm alone? It's better than causing other people discomfort by pouring out all your emotions onto them. Stop bothering them. They shouldn't have to carry your burdens. Nobody wants that kind of friend. Nobody wants you.
! I want to die but I'm too afraid to do it.
! I don't know what to do.! I wish I could say something, but I had like zero girlfriends in the 25 years of life that I had. And it's not because I didn't tried to it.
! But I may not know how is to break-up, but I do know that you can't like put a tag on your dream girl.
! Women are like colors. You may have a favorite color, but first you have to appreciate the many different colours that exists to like one the most. -
@Bond:
…I need a place to let everything out. I'm out of options.
! My life is a wreck. I broke up with the girl of my dreams due to an emotional outburst, and months later, I thought to reconcile with her only to realise that she's found another person. And he's clearly better than me in every way I can think of, and he's much more capable of keeping her happy, and she's still very understanding and supportive of me because she's the nicest, most kind-hearted girl in the world and I threw her away due to overwhelming self-loathing. I can't blame anyone but myself, this misery I feel is a result of my own actions.
! I can't share my sadness with my friends either, and it's not because I haven't tried. Everyone I talk to about this feels awkward, they're not used to seeing me so frantically emotional. They don't know what to do or what to say and start staying away from me because they're afraid of making things worse, and I don't blame them. Every time I look back on how I've been talking to people, I see myself just seething with sorrow and hate for my own self, and I understand why people have been staying away. Nobody wants to talk to someone like that. I've run out of people I can talk to. I'm losing my friends because I don't know how to fucking deal with my own stupid feelings. They say when you show your true self, that's when you'll know who your true friends are, but what if I don't have any true friends? I don't want to be alone. Even if they're just regular friends, I don't want them to leave me.
! And the worst part is that logical side of my brain. It's telling me that this is a stupid problem to get worked up about. There are people out there facing and struggling with problems much worse than my own, why am I breaking down over a little relationship trouble? I'm just a weak ass self-centered coward who can't even kill himself because he's afraid to die. I shouldn't be feeling so depressed. The fact that I am means my priorities aren't right. So what if I'm alone? It's better than causing other people discomfort by pouring out all your emotions onto them. Stop bothering them. They shouldn't have to carry your burdens. Nobody wants that kind of friend. Nobody wants you.
! I want to die but I'm too afraid to do it.
! I don't know what to do.[hide]First of all: feeling depressed is not a competition. Can you imagine telling someone whose house burned down that they should be grateful and stop complaining because at least they had a house and homeless people have it worse? Disregarding your pain as trivial in comparison to "other more serious problems" is the wrong approach and will hurt even more on the long run. Of course there are people struggling harder then you and there always will be. But your are the protagonist of your life and it's absolutely legitimate to focus on your subjective problems if they objectively make you feel horrible. Give yourself some slack, i don't think your problem is "stupid" at all. Looking at it rationally: what help is for anybody if you deny yourself a call for support because the problem you have seems to be too small to bother others with? Rationally, if you seek support you can and will becomer stronger to in turn help others in need. No matter how "trivial" a problem is, if it hurts you, take it seriously.
Second of all: heart break is a motherfucker, simple and clear. You're in a position which makes it even harder by still having contact with the girl you love while she's already in love with another and you need to stop that or it will fuck you up even more. You must take a break from her to heal and emotionally distance yourself from her. Communicate if you must, tell her you still care about her but you must keep some distance. If she's a good soul and has found a loving partner you must accept that for her sake and move on and for that you must let her go. It takes time to heal you can believe that. But it will hurt less and less everyday until you only think of her once a day, once a week, fewer and fewer times. But you must make a cut internally. And there will be love for you out there even if it seems impossible now. I've been there, most people have been there you just need to hold ln till the dark times pass and the good times will roll in.
Focus on bettering yourself, on becoming a person you would like to be, a person who does not rely on anybody to be happy but is good to themself, and step by step is able to make others happy too.
Thirdly: when you think of hurting yourself, remember people love you. Your family loves you and your friends do too. Pick one of them who seems like they know a thing or two about love and i'm sure there an open ear. If even after thoughtful consideration, you come to the conclusion that nobody wants to listen to you, come to this thread. We're a bunch of weirdos on an anime message board but we do care. So come around and before you do anything final please come here and talk, communicate, let that shit out of your system. Seriously you made me type out this long ass message when i should be sleeping since I care about, even though we're strangers. Your friends will do the same, just try them. Take care and keep your head up[/hide]
Things I think are cool!
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@minus.:
[hide]First of all: feeling depressed is not a competition. Can you imagine telling someone whose house burned down that they should be grateful and stop complaining because at least they had a house and homeless people have it worse? Disregarding your pain as trivial in comparison to "other more serious problems" is the wrong approach and will hurt even more on the long run. Of course there are people struggling harder then you and there always will be. But your are the protagonist of your life and it's absolutely legitimate to focus on your subjective problems if they objectively make you feel horrible. Give yourself some slack, i don't think your problem is "stupid" at all. Looking at it rationally: what help is for anybody if you deny yourself a call for support because the problem you have seems to be too small to bother others with? Rationally, if you seek support you can and will becomer stronger to in turn help others in need. No matter how "trivial" a problem is, if it hurts you, take it seriously.
Second of all: heart break is a motherfucker, simple and clear. You're in a position which makes it even harder by still having contact with the girl you love while she's already in love with another and you need to stop that or it will fuck you up even more. You must take a break from her to heal and emotionally distance yourself from her. Communicate if you must, tell her you still care about her but you must keep some distance. If she's a good soul and has found a loving partner you must accept that for her sake and move on and for that you must let her go. It takes time to heal you can believe that. But it will hurt less and less everyday until you only think of her once a day, once a week, fewer and fewer times. But you must make a cut internally. And there will be love for you out there even if it seems impossible now. I've been there, most people have been there you just need to hold ln till the dark times pass and the good times will roll in.
Focus on bettering yourself, on becoming a person you would like to be, a person who does not rely on anybody to be happy but is good to themself, and step by step is able to make others happy too.
Thirdly: when you think of hurting yourself, remember people love you. Your family loves you and your friends do too. Pick one of them who seems like they know a thing or two about love and i'm sure there an open ear. If even after thoughtful consideration, you come to the conclusion that nobody wants to listen to you, come to this thread. We're a bunch of weirdos on an anime message board but we do care. So come around and before you do anything final please come here and talk, communicate, let that shit out of your system. Seriously you made me type out this long ass message when i should be sleeping since I care about, even though we're strangers. Your friends will do the same, just try them. Take care and keep your head up[/hide]
! Thank you…
I want to be strong. I want to be someone that can help people, just like how I've met so many people who want to help me. But... I haven't been able to help out as many people as I'd like. Throughout most of my life, it's just other people helping and supporting me. Other than what I do at work, I feel like there isn't anything I can actually do for other people. I feel like I'm taking substantially more than I'm giving and that I don't deserve it.
! I thought I could just distract myself from depression by drawing, playing games, streaming cartoons... but after a while I just stop clicking and I just sit there and my mind starts wandering to those terrible places. I don't know how other people are able to make it through their problems without incident. Or rather, I don't know why I seem to be the only one who has trouble handling my own problems. All I can think of is cutting myself. I was in the shower earlier, and all I could think of was I want to skip work tomorrow, find a place where I can be alone, turn off my phone, and just cut myself the whole day. Just to let everything out. I can't tell anyone else that because they'll think I'm crazy, there's something wrong with me. I know it looks horrible, but it's all I have left that works even a little bit. I've even made sure to only cut myself in places that would be obscured by clothing throughout the day so people don't freak out about it. Shouldn't that be fine? It helps me feel better and I'm not hurting anyone else.
! Anyway, thank you for taking the time to listen and reply to me. I really appreciate it.You too KageKageKing. I may not fully understand the colour metaphor but I can sense you're trying to help. Thank you.
FC(3DS) - 2724-4238-5489 (LZTan)
FC(Switch) - SW-3434-4042-7728 (Jin)
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I fucked up my whole life. :sad: (Seriously). Cannot believe what mistakes I made.
Carrot's still never gonna join the crew. 
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@Big:
I fucked up my whole life. :sad: (Seriously). Cannot believe what mistakes I made.
It's okay man. I might not be the best person to say this but I believe when people say things will get better.
Do you want to talk about it here? I feel like that helped me quite a bit.FC(3DS) - 2724-4238-5489 (LZTan)
FC(Switch) - SW-3434-4042-7728 (Jin)
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@Bond:
…I need a place to let everything out. I'm out of options.
! My life is a wreck. I broke up with the girl of my dreams due to an emotional outburst, and months later, I thought to reconcile with her only to realise that she's found another person. And he's clearly better than me in every way I can think of, and he's much more capable of keeping her happy, and she's still very understanding and supportive of me because she's the nicest, most kind-hearted girl in the world and I threw her away due to overwhelming self-loathing. I can't blame anyone but myself, this misery I feel is a result of my own actions.
! I can't share my sadness with my friends either, and it's not because I haven't tried. Everyone I talk to about this feels awkward, they're not used to seeing me so frantically emotional. They don't know what to do or what to say and start staying away from me because they're afraid of making things worse, and I don't blame them. Every time I look back on how I've been talking to people, I see myself just seething with sorrow and hate for my own self, and I understand why people have been staying away. Nobody wants to talk to someone like that. I've run out of people I can talk to. I'm losing my friends because I don't know how to fucking deal with my own stupid feelings. They say when you show your true self, that's when you'll know who your true friends are, but what if I don't have any true friends? I don't want to be alone. Even if they're just regular friends, I don't want them to leave me.
! And the worst part is that logical side of my brain. It's telling me that this is a stupid problem to get worked up about. There are people out there facing and struggling with problems much worse than my own, why am I breaking down over a little relationship trouble? I'm just a weak ass self-centered coward who can't even kill himself because he's afraid to die. I shouldn't be feeling so depressed. The fact that I am means my priorities aren't right. So what if I'm alone? It's better than causing other people discomfort by pouring out all your emotions onto them. Stop bothering them. They shouldn't have to carry your burdens. Nobody wants that kind of friend. Nobody wants you.
! I want to die but I'm too afraid to do it.
! I don't know what to do.I was in a similar situation a few years ago. After a less than ideal break-up, I sank into a deep state of depression and lost some friends along the way too.
Are you able to get professional help? If you can afford it or have the opportunity to find a therapist who'll see you free of charge, try it. Having a professional listen to what I feel and how that affects my life can be game changing. Results might not show up until a little later though, but keep pushing. Please don't beat up yourself, because your feelings are completely valid. Depression is a vicious beast and it's hard to overcome the initial burden of thinking "I'm weak, I don't deserve help/love/friends" etc.
As for other people having "bigger" problems, hear me out. I've possibly been drugged and robbed a while ago, and then left to my own devices in the middle of the night in the middle of the city, alone. This is what you'd call a "real problem". Yet I must admit, getting over this experience will most likely be easier and less time consuming, than battling depression. That took me a long time and I still have problems with my self-image and facing my own failings. What I'm trying to say is, your problem, your feelings are all valid and should be taking seriously.
There is hope for you. Admitting that you have a problem is the first step to solving it as they say. It's a long road and it'll often seem impossible to trudge through ass the shit that stands in your way. You will falter, you will give up not once, but as long as you keep inching forward you can get out of this.
@minus.:
Maaan fuck, I'm tremendously sorry that you had to go through this. If there is something I HATE, it is to involuntarily lose control of my senses. Thank goodness you managed to get into a safe place and that your mom and friends have your back! Looking at the circumstances you managed it as best as possible by contacting a person you trust. And thank god in the end it's only a little bit of money missing and you are safe. This absolutely sounds like a roofie, the memory loss and trouble with motoric responses, it's pretty much all typical symptoms but you fought back well so don't blame yourself but instead focus on how clearly you reacted in the middle of this nightmare. Getting psychological support is an amazing idea! If you can and feel like it get a blood sample! These drugs can be detected in your system, but only little time after the incident, I think a day or two max. If you want absolute clarity and it's not too late, do that too.
To all my apforums youngsters reading this: If you don't know what a roofie is please get some infos on it, for yourself and your friends! Be aware of its dangers. Even though I go out only rarely and infrequently I still encountered that shit twice and to this day I'm still grateful to my chemistry teacher who took her time to explain the effects of rohypnol and gave my class advice on what to look out for. That shit is tasteless and there's no way to notice that it's coming for you until it's too late. So you need to take precautions! When out with friends stranger danger needs to be on 24/7, no matter how charming the invitation from a charismatic stranger was, drinks must only come immediately from the staff's hands or in some cases a friend you really trust. When a drink has been out of sight, even for 5 seconds, it's dead, over and out. Ditch it no matter how expensive, get a new one and guard it like a hawk. Vids like this show how quickly it happens and that it can hit anyone. That's why the buddy system must always be in play. Your friend feels dizzy all of a sudden? Congratulations! You are a parent now! Don't let any stranger who's not a medic get close to your child. Get angry like a lion protecting its cub if they try to approach regardless! In return, if you feel like you're losing grip turn to that friend for protection. Nobody is left behind, nobody leaves on their own, nakamas 4 lyfe. All this advice is valid for both men and women. This shit happens to all of us but men tend to be even more guarded to talk about it. So thanks Nolus for sharing, it's the healthy thing to do. Get better soon and hopefully you overcome this experience.
Thanks! Sadly, when my mom found me, the taxi driver advised her against taking me to toxicology, because he'd heard it was a shitty place (which wouldn't surprise me and maybe I was better off this way).
I've learned my lesson though and luckily I'm not nauseous anymore. I'll keep an eye out from now on.People, always have a designated friend with you who either doesn't drink, or drinks very little and is aware of your surroundings.
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@Bond:
It's okay man. I might not be the best person to say this but I believe when people say things will get better.
Do you want to talk about it here? I feel like that helped me quite a bit.I might rather not post here. I thought about it when I posted, but I don't think this forum is "the right place" for it. Forums for psychological issues might be a better fit.
Carrot's still never gonna join the crew. 
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@Big:
I might rather not post here. I thought about it when I posted, but I don't think this forum is "the right place" for it. Forums for psychological issues might be a better fit.
I hope you find a safe place to discuss whatever troubles you! :) And if you need, don't be ashamed in seeking professional help (even online). I might be going overboard with this, but I've recieved very unkind and uninformed comments from family members, friends AND strangers alike devalueing the work of therapists.
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God please help me. I dont feel well at all. I might go insane if this keeps up. I dont know what will happen. But I need to talk to someone.
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I know its really selfish but Im fucking sick of my brother. He constantly belittles me, scolds me, polices every single word I say and Im about to GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. Im really sorry for this temper tantrum. But I need to vent about this. Im about to either punch the shit out of him or something.
God THIS REALLY helped. Thank you my friend.
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I know its really selfish but Im fucking sick of my brother. He constantly belittles me, scolds me, polices every single word I say and Im about to GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. Im really sorry for this temper tantrum. But I need to vent about this. Im about to either punch the shit out of him or something.
God THIS REALLY helped. Thank you my friend.
Punching might not be the solution, but venting can certainly be beneficial.
And you have every right to be pissed at him for belittling you. People shouldn't do that to the ones they love no matter the bullshit justifications.
Since it's family member, I know there's even more difficulty present in this situation.
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I love you man! Talking to you did WONDERS!
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I'm looking from input from many people on this topic to see if I did the right thing or not.
My question: Is it wrong of me to break a friendship up if the person in question has the "opinion" that to use the washroom you have to have the correct part, and they think I shouldn't use the bathroom for their reasoning. Is this a valid reason to break up a friendship over, since it makes me feel uncomfortable that they won't support my rights, etc. ? [I'm transgender male to female.]
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@Stranger:
I'm looking from input from many people on this topic to see if I did the right thing or not.
My question: Is it wrong of me to break a friendship up if the person in question has the "opinion" that to use the washroom you have to have the correct part, and they think I shouldn't use the bathroom for their reasoning. Is this a valid reason to break up a friendship over, since it makes me feel uncomfortable that they won't support my rights, etc. ? [I'm transgender male to female.]
That's a very complicated situation. On one hand, I would think that having a trans friend would open people's minds about the issues we face and make them more understanding towards our struggles. On the other, if they refuse to listen to your reasonings and question their own false beliefs surrounding transpeople, I can't really see how they can call themselves friends.
I'm lucky in that my friends responded with a "Cool, now we can piss together" when I asked them if it'd be for me to start using the men's room.
I would advise to try and talk to them honestly and with patience, although I suspect you've already done that. In which case I don't really see how the friendship can go on.
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That's a very complicated situation. On one hand, I would think that having a trans friend would open people's minds about the issues we face and make them more understanding towards our struggles. On the other, if they refuse to listen to your reasonings and question their own false beliefs surrounding transpeople, I can't really see how they can call themselves friends.
Well, there is also the fact that he sees himself as genderfluid. So, I don't know, then again he's young and he has a complicated family situation that seems to influence his thought process. I wonder if I was too harsh on him, when he was very helpful in other situations. So, yeah complicated, I sorta acted rash and stopped being friends with him.
I'm lucky in that my friends responded with a "Cool, now we can piss together" when I asked them if it'd be for me to start using the men's room.
That is very cool! o:
I would advise to try and talk to them honestly and with patience, although I suspect you've already done that. In which case I don't really see how the friendship can go on.
Well, it seems I wasn't patient with him…. >_<
Thank you for your input, I appreciate it.
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Well, after hearing everyone's views on the matter, I decided to be friends with him again, since at the time I was emotionally unstable due to an event that shook my world, and he was just supporting me and trying to help me. I looked at how good a person he was despite one of his bad viewpoints. Also, thank you Nolus for listening to this and replying, I appreciate it.
Also, sorry for the double post, but I wanted people to be able to read it, since it was important.
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@Stranger:
Well, after hearing everyone's views on the matter, I decided to be friends with him again, since at the time I was emotionally unstable due to an event that shook my world, and he was just supporting me and trying to help me. I looked at how good a person he was despite one of his bad viewpoints. Also, thank you Nolus for listening to this and replying, I appreciate it.
Also, sorry for the double post, but I wanted people to be able to read it, since it was important.
Glad to have helped~
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Something I've always wondered is how people who are deaf and mute communicate that in public.
The kind of situations I'm talking about are like if a stranger approaches and asks for directions to a place. I imagine it'd be scary to have the person getting increasingly angry at you for not responding if they don't know that you're not able to speak or hear.
I know there's sign language, which would probably get the point across , but I assume not all deaf or mute people know sign language and that there's probably another way.
I accept Jesus Burgess as my Lord and Savior
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@Stranger:
I looked at how good a person he was despite one of his bad viewpoints.
I definitely agree with this approach.
My Grandma hates the idea of gay people, she's a typical "older generation" type who thinks it's weird and sinful.
But on a day-to-day level she's one of the most kind, sweet & generous Grandmas you'll ever meet and I love her tremendously. -
@MDL:
I definitely agree with this approach.
My Grandma hates the idea of gay people, she's a typical "older generation" type who thinks it's weird and sinful.
But on a day-to-day level she's one of the most kind, sweet & generous Grandmas you'll ever meet and I love her tremendously.I love your way of thinking MDL and Nolus. Anger and rejection wont end hate.
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@MDL:
I definitely agree with this approach.
My Grandma hates the idea of gay people, she's a typical "older generation" type who thinks it's weird and sinful.
But on a day-to-day level she's one of the most kind, sweet & generous Grandmas you'll ever meet and I love her tremendously.Ah ^^
And thank you. I'm still new with social situations, and need to learn how to agree to disagree more often. Still have much work to do though, but I get there.
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@Medical:
Something I've always wondered is how people who are deaf and mute communicate that in public.
The kind of situations I'm talking about are like if a stranger approaches and asks for directions to a place. I imagine it'd be scary to have the person getting increasingly angry at you for not responding if they don't know that you're not able to speak or hear.
I know there's sign language, which would probably get the point across , but I assume not all deaf or mute people know sign language and that there's probably another way.
(the reason I made this post is because I was hoping someone would reply and tell me how deaf and mute people signal in public to people that they're deaf and mute because I'm extremely curious about it and don't know what I would look up to find an answer. does the lack of response mean that no one else here knows either, no one read the post, or etc.? I don't mean to be pushy but I'm kind of sad that nobody responded)
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You might want to try Askreddit. Your question can reach exponentially more people there.
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You might want to try Askreddit. Your question can reach exponentially more people there.
Okay, I'll try but Reddit makes me kind of uncomfortable because of the upvotes and downvotes thing. Sites with downvotes/negative reps/dislikes makes me anxious.
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For everyone on here, I just want to say best luck to all of you. Anxiety and depression are a bitch to deal with.
Now here's my little confession.
! In the past month, I lost two of my best friends. Friend 1 unfriended me on Discord without warning and Friend 2 blocked me on Twitter because of something I carelessly said out of anger. Every day is getting harder and harder without them. I tried to get in contact with both of them to see what happened and tried to make amends, but nothing. These past several weeks, I've been struggling to focus on anything or listen to people talk. It's gotten too easy to drown people out when they talk to me, and it's becoming a problem. It's gotten even harder for me to understand basic instructions, because I'm focusing too much on that as well as other personal problems in my life. I've been a wreck without my two friends and neither of them want to woman up and talk to me. I knew Friend 1 on Facebook for three years and I've known Friend 2 since junior high. Neither of them know each other, but they both used to refer to me as their "sister from another mister." This whole weekend, I've been crying my eyes out thinking about them. I have a bad habit of bottling up my emotions until they just come out when least expected.
! I'm sorry if this rant is unorganized as I'm in a hurry to go somewhere, but advice is welcome.Check out my cute Etsy store
Please read my webtoon Truffle Cat Cafe
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My mom's going through a very tough period right now in her life. I regularly talk with her and lend her an ear, but I still feel deeply saddened that I cannot do more. It breaks my heart hearing and seeing her cry and not being able to solve the problems she's facing even though it's not what I need to or even able to do.
I just want her to be happy because despite all her flaws, she deserves it.
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My mom's going through a very tough period right now in her life. I regularly talk with her and lend her an ear, but I still feel deeply saddened that I cannot do more. It breaks my heart hearing and seeing her cry and not being able to solve the problems she's facing even though it's not what I need to or even able to do.
I just want her to be happy because despite all her flaws, she deserves it.
Yeah, it's hard when you can't help the ones you care about. I want to help my friends with their problems… but many times I fuck up and fail and make it worse. I also have a problem where I get pushy in trying to help. So, I can sorta relate to how you feel. Hopefully your mum will get better as well.
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For everyone on here, I just want to say best luck to all of you. Anxiety and depression are a bitch to deal with.
Now here's my little confession.
! In the past month, I lost two of my best friends. Friend 1 unfriended me on Discord without warning and Friend 2 blocked me on Twitter because of something I carelessly said out of anger. Every day is getting harder and harder without them. I tried to get in contact with both of them to see what happened and tried to make amends, but nothing. These past several weeks, I've been struggling to focus on anything or listen to people talk. It's gotten too easy to drown people out when they talk to me, and it's becoming a problem. It's gotten even harder for me to understand basic instructions, because I'm focusing too much on that as well as other personal problems in my life. I've been a wreck without my two friends and neither of them want to woman up and talk to me. I knew Friend 1 on Facebook for three years and I've known Friend 2 since junior high. Neither of them know each other, but they both used to refer to me as their "sister from another mister." This whole weekend, I've been crying my eyes out thinking about them. I have a bad habit of bottling up my emotions until they just come out when least expected.
! I'm sorry if this rant is unorganized as I'm in a hurry to go somewhere, but advice is welcome.If it makes you feel any better, I have lost many friends for many different reasons whether it be my fault or not.
It might feel sad at times, but the time you are living now is nothing but a fart in the wind, you WILL eventually get over it and make new friends. Everyone always does.
–- Update From New Post Merge ---
@Bond:
…I need a place to let everything out. I'm out of options.
! My life is a wreck. I broke up with the girl of my dreams due to an emotional outburst, and months later, I thought to reconcile with her only to realise that she's found another person. And he's clearly better than me in every way I can think of, and he's much more capable of keeping her happy, and she's still very understanding and supportive of me because she's the nicest, most kind-hearted girl in the world and I threw her away due to overwhelming self-loathing. I can't blame anyone but myself, this misery I feel is a result of my own actions.
! I can't share my sadness with my friends either, and it's not because I haven't tried. Everyone I talk to about this feels awkward, they're not used to seeing me so frantically emotional. They don't know what to do or what to say and start staying away from me because they're afraid of making things worse, and I don't blame them. Every time I look back on how I've been talking to people, I see myself just seething with sorrow and hate for my own self, and I understand why people have been staying away. Nobody wants to talk to someone like that. I've run out of people I can talk to. I'm losing my friends because I don't know how to fucking deal with my own stupid feelings. They say when you show your true self, that's when you'll know who your true friends are, but what if I don't have any true friends? I don't want to be alone. Even if they're just regular friends, I don't want them to leave me.
! And the worst part is that logical side of my brain. It's telling me that this is a stupid problem to get worked up about. There are people out there facing and struggling with problems much worse than my own, why am I breaking down over a little relationship trouble? I'm just a weak ass self-centered coward who can't even kill himself because he's afraid to die. I shouldn't be feeling so depressed. The fact that I am means my priorities aren't right. So what if I'm alone? It's better than causing other people discomfort by pouring out all your emotions onto them. Stop bothering them. They shouldn't have to carry your burdens. Nobody wants that kind of friend. Nobody wants you.
! I want to die but I'm too afraid to do it.
! I don't know what to do.I feel your pain, it's happened to me multiple times where I really really get into someone and I like them for it to only not workout. The more I think of those times and those people and look at how many other people I've met and shared memories with since then, it gives me confidence that even if something doesn't go right with someone, there is always someone else.
I hated it when people told me this, but time really does move on AND there really are a lot of fish in the sea.
I'm a person that gets attached quite quickly, but the best way to get over something like this is to not see that person again, get rid of any social media, delete any pictures and messages that you have on your phone and get rid of things that might make you think of that person.
DO NOT read through messages in the past and think of what you had, you will only come to hurt yourself and create a reality that doesn't exist in your mind.It might be really hard to do at first, but it honestly does work. With all things, it takes time. Trust me I've been through this many times. If it happens again with someone else, think of what I said and you will gradually build up tolerance, self-respect and the power to get over someone.
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I'm very worried about my future in regards to driving.
I took Drivers Ed when I was in high school and I have my learner's permit. I've also taken driving lessons outside of school, both official and with family. My results are consistently below subpar.
In the Drivers Ed class I took, the instructor sometimes took 2-3 students out with him for test drives, and because our performance on the road mattered to our grade just like our performance on the written tests. After a couple drives, the instructor told me in private that he didn't think I was ready to drive, and so he took me out in a golf cart instead of a car, and we went around the high school's parking lot, not on any roads.
To my knowledge, I was the only student in the class who was like that. It's possible I'm wrong, because the reason the instructor told me in private after everyone left class that day is because he didn't want to hurt my feelings by making it public. It's possible there are others who were in my situation too, and I just didn't know because he gave them the same courtesy he gave me.
Then after I passed the course (I did well enough on the written tests and if I remember right I got a B in the course) I went to get my learner's permit from the DMV but my eyesight wasn't good enough. So my parents took me to the eye doctor to get a note or updated prescription or I can't remember exactly what from him, then I went back and got the permit. That makes me question the validity of my permit. Maybe I'm misunderstanding how the process is supposed to work, but my eyesight didn't improve, I just got documentation or an update from the eye doctor. If my eyesight was enough of an issue to keep me from getting a permit, and if that didn't get better, isn't it still dangerous for me and others to have me on the road?
Then driving tests with my dad. I somehow managed to swerve off the road and come extremely close to hitting a mailbox.
Then three driving lessons last year with someone from an official company. An issue was that I was almost always too slow, and when told I was going too slow, when I tried to speed up I ended up going too fast instead. I wasn't balanced and I didn't know how to be. I completely lost composure when got out of the neighborhood onto actual roads. I'm not sure if the reason I wasn't contacted again after the third lesson was because that was the max number of lessons allowed or because the instructor was scared to be in the car with me.
Other issues: my reflexes, reaction time, motor skills, lack of ability to multitask, maladaptive daydreaming, unsure how to control attention span.
And there's so much else to learn or relearn, even not counting the act of driving itself. I'm not sure if I remember all the rules of the road, or what buttons on the car do what, or how to fix anything. I know if you get in a car accident there's an exchange of insurance information, but I don't even know what insurance is. I wouldn't have even known leaving your car on while pumping gas could cause the car to blow up if my mom didn't casually mention one day while filling up her car's gas tank. It's an overwhelming amount to learn, and the fact that it's not something I'm interested in hinders my motivation. When I say interested I mean like passionate on a personal level. It's something I'll likely need to be able to do one day, but it doesn't spark joy, or wonder, or aspiration, or any of those feelings. It's just something I'm doing because I have to, and that's never been a strong enough motivator to impact my performance in a significantly positive way even though logically it should be because it's about survival.
There are some places in the world where public transport is so prominent that you don't even need to own a car. But Florida isn't one of those places.
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Anticipation of that whole stressful shebang is why I'm almost 28 years old and I've never once entertained the thought of driving.
I have zero motivation for it, I would totally be the type to freeze up or swerve for every little thing. And like you said, all the technical crap to keep track of is intimidating.I'm fortunate enough to live in a countryside village that falls on a crossing of two major bus routes.
When I want to go somehere I just hop on the bus.But as you say, not all of us are lucky enough to have prominent public transport.
You have my sincere sympathies. -
I was crazy worried too when i started driving, since i was an inner city kid i didn't bother with my license til i was 25. But what i would recommend is that you drive as much as you can with a parent or some other qualified driver who doesn't stress you out in residential streets or on backroads. Once you've done that enough and made the basics a second nature then go out on the bigger streets and you will probably feel less stressed about juggling both the how do i do this again fundamentals and the important details like even speed or road placement.
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Rant incoming:
I'm in a pretty good place emotionally, mentally and physically. Aside from the near constant barrage of weather fronts, I have no real source of stress and anxiety currently.
But dating, oh boy. I wouldn't even call it dating, because I can't seem to be able to call anyone on a date and it's not for the lack of trying either.
It's all so frustrating and I suspect it slowly takes a toll on me mentally. I get matches on Tinder, guys message me first on Gayromeo, but more often than not, they end up ghosting me. It really is the ghosting that gets to me. Someone says I'm not their type? It's okay, I do that too, thanks for telling me, I can easily move on. But ghosting? Screw that, I have to take extra effort to "get a closure" and I can't believe people my age don't have a spine firm enough to just text (it's not even in real life) "sry, no".
The other big issue I have is with people who just exist on these apps without any reason or aim. And those who immediately write how busy they are right now. I can somewhat understand these too, I've been there myself (although to be fair, I usually just delete/deactivate my profile when I get to that point). It's okay to not have time to meet new people and date, but why not take a break from the apps themselves too?As for meeting people in real life, my options are still limited, but I'm trying to use the opportunities coming my way. There was this one guy at the board game night who joined me, when I started heading home. He even befriended me on Facebook, so I thought, hey, he might be interested in me. I suggested grabbing a coffee or something but nope, but nope, I guess I misunderstood.
I tried OkCupid too, but it's a barren wasteland in my country for some reason.
I'm also irrationally afraid of ending up with someone I don't love and don't like even though I'm not as emotionally vulnerable as I was before.
End rant.
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If it makes you feel better, I am way worse than you in the dating aspect.
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You are really brave Nolus, and Im really sorry to hear you going through this! I really feel for you, and support you a 255%!
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I'm in a pretty good place emotionally, mentally and physically. Aside from the near constant barrage of weather fronts, I have no real source of stress and anxiety currently.
Yay! That's great to hear! :happy:
But dating, oh boy. I wouldn't even call it dating, because I can't seem to be able to call anyone on a date and it's not for the lack of trying either.
It's all so frustrating and I suspect it slowly takes a toll on me mentally. I get matches on Tinder, guys message me first on Gayromeo, but more often than not, they end up ghosting me. It really is the ghosting that gets to me. Someone says I'm not their type? It's okay, I do that too, thanks for telling me, I can easily move on. But ghosting? Screw that, I have to take extra effort to "get a closure" and I can't believe people my age don't have a spine firm enough to just text (it's not even in real life) "sry, no"Yes, it's really annoying that people that ghost you for no reason without telling you why.
The other big issue I have is with people who just exist on these apps without any reason or aim. And those who immediately write how busy they are right now. I can somewhat understand these too, I've been there myself (although to be fair, I usually just delete/deactivate my profile when I get to that point). It's okay to not have time to meet new people and date, but why not take a break from the apps themselves too?
Yeah, that sounds a bit silly in why they are on the app, but not using it at all. I am on a dating site too, and with matches… like they matched me but they don't reply to me. I always send an intro message to start, but then others don't really reply back.
As for meeting people in real life, my options are still limited, but I'm trying to use the opportunities coming my way. There was this one guy at the board game night who joined me, when I started heading home. He even befriended me on Facebook, so I thought, hey, he might be interested in me. I suggested grabbing a coffee or something but nope, but nope, I guess I misunderstood.
Yeah, I can barely make friends in real life, I only made a few because I'm in college, as well as going to clubs. I don't even know how to meet people besides that. Though in person, I really never had any luck, and when I do get "crushes" on friends, well usually they have someone or not interested. So, I just have to change my feelings many times to keep the friendship.
I tried OkCupid too, but it's a barren wasteland in my country for some reason.
That really sucks :/
I'm also irrationally afraid of ending up with someone I don't love and don't like even though I'm not as emotionally vulnerable as I was before.
Yeah… I had that happen to me when I was younger, just go into a relationship but just to be in one, yay for desperation! :getlost:
But I think you be good. Just takes time and patience, so don't give up in the dating scene! You will find someone! You are a nice individual despite us not talking a lot. I'm here for ya if you ever need someone to talk with about life.
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[hide]Am I a bad person for not wanting kids in the future? I never wanted kids, even when I was little. I get overwhelmed easily, probably because of my autism (I was diagnosed by several doctors at age 4). Also because of it, I don't want to have a kid knowing there's a good chance they could get it too. Autism is indeed genetic. Some have it pretty mild, others have it severely to where they're mentally retarded. It affects people differently, but I don't want to take a chance on having a low functioning autistic child.Actually, at one point I did want kids, but that got shot down after babysitting my friend's two kids, one having severe special needs, for three years. That was more than enough for me. I don't know how people can handle raising a non-verbal kid who doesn't always tell you what they want, needs constant supervision, the family's schedule having to completely revolve around that kid because they can't be left alone. You have to follow the kid's schedule to a T or else all hell breaks loose. They're forever mentally a child or toddler. That has to be very daunting to the parents when they compare their kids to other people's healthy kids.
Not to mention, everything with kids in general is HARD and takes forever. They fight you over the stupidest things. They don't want to eat healthy foods, clean up after themselves, do chores, or even get ready to go somewhere. You have to tell them until you're blue in the face to stop whatever they're doing, go to the bathroom, put socks/shoes on, including coats, hats, gloves, etc. All that just to leave the house. It's incredibly stressful and it baffles me how people say having kids is rewarding. My patience with kids and even adults is just gone.
Sadly, I feel my defected genes have to end with me. And please don't tell me that there's always adoption. Even adoption has its risks. I don't want to hear "you're not my real mom" for the next 18 years. You're not only bringing that kid into your life, but also any emotional baggage they may have. Also, I'm a career oriented person and I would hate to put my life on hold to take care of a kid, disabled or not. I'm a selfish person, I didn't get two college degrees for nothing. Parenting is not for me, maybe for some people and that's perfectly fine. I would never shame anyone who wants or has kids, they're just not my forte.[/hide]
Also, I apologize if this sounds like your run-of-the-mill Reddit confession post.
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Hidden for length
[hide]Am I a bad person for not wanting kids in the future? I never wanted kids, even when I was little. I get overwhelmed easily, probably because of my autism (I was diagnosed by several doctors at age 4). Also because of it, I don't want to have a kid knowing there's a good chance they could get it too. Autism is indeed genetic. Some have it pretty mild, others have it severely to where they're mentally retarded. It affects people differently, but I don't want to take a chance on having a low functioning autistic child.Actually, at one point I did want kids, but that got shot down after babysitting my friend's two kids, one having severe special needs, for three years. That was more than enough for me. I don't know how people can handle raising a non-verbal kid who doesn't always tell you what they want, needs constant supervision, the family's schedule having to completely revolve around that kid because they can't be left alone. You have to follow the kid's schedule to a T or else all hell breaks loose. They're forever mentally a child or toddler. That has to be very daunting to the parents when they compare their kids to other people's healthy kids.
Not to mention, everything with kids in general is HARD and takes forever. They fight you over the stupidest things. They don't want to eat healthy foods, clean up after themselves, do chores, or even get ready to go somewhere. You have to tell them until you're blue in the face to stop whatever they're doing, go to the bathroom, put socks/shoes on, including coats, hats, gloves, etc. All that just to leave the house. It's incredibly stressful and it baffles me how people say having kids is rewarding. My patience with kids and even adults is just gone.
Sadly, I feel my defected genes have to end with me. And please don't tell me that there's always adoption. Even adoption has its risks. I don't want to hear "you're not my real mom" for the next 18 years. You're not only bringing that kid into your life, but also any emotional baggage they may have. Also, I'm a career oriented person and I would hate to put my life on hold to take care of a kid, disabled or not. I'm a selfish person, I didn't get two college degrees for nothing. Parenting is not for me, maybe for some people and that's perfectly fine. I would never shame anyone who wants or has kids, they're just not my forte.[/hide]
Also, I apologize if this sounds like your run-of-the-mill Reddit confession post.
The short answer is, of course you aren't a bad person for that. I'd argue it's a quality deserving of praise, not having children if one doesn't feel one's ready for it.
Thing is, throughout the existence of humankind, society placed significant value on procreation. It's only logical, how does a species survive without offspring after all? Children are our future, is a statement that a lot of people would probably agree with.
Thing is, there's inherently a lot more to raising children than birthing them. The obvious roles are those of teachers for example, who work with children every day and take significant part in molding these children into the adults they will eventually become. Healthcare providers are there to provide healing and prevention. I do think, however, that it doesn't stop there. You can influence the coming generations even if your work doesn't involve children in any capacity. Just be existing in the same world as them makes your actions reflect upon them in some small way. Maybe it's barely noticeable.
By living your best life, maybe you become an example to the future generations.
Furthermore, we as a civilization has come to a point where it's not an absolute necessity for every capable person to make a child in order to live on.
These are just my two cents, as the saying goes. As someone who became sterile on my own volition, I've thought about feeling shame for "throwing away" this possibility that's very much treasured by other people. Thing is, I can't even be 100% sure that I could have had children anyway. And can doesn't mean should, nor does it mean must.
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