Confession Session II

[ShinigamiKing]

I"m feelign so deperate right now. I may have posted this before on a different site.

But yeah, I lost weight some months ago after counting calories (down to 1500, often less). But I realized that that wasn't good for my age even thoguh I lost wieght (I'm 16). So I don't to continue since I'm a teen and I'm still growing, and because it's stressful always being hungry at ngiht and feeling less energetic sometimes.

So I stopped counting calories. I've been doing a lot of exercize for the last couple of months. But I'm not losing weight. It's irritating, because they say that as a teen, you can lose weight by simply cutting out junk food, and being active. But both have applied to me and I haven't consistently lost weight. It doesn't help that once in a while I binge due to other reasons (I think i have bpd).

What should I do?

[The Franky Tank]

@ShinigamiKing:

I"m feelign so deperate right now. I may have posted this before on a different site.

But yeah, I lost weight some months ago after counting calories (down to 1500, often less). But I realized that that wasn't good for my age even thoguh I lost wieght (I'm 16). So I don't to continue since I'm a teen and I'm still growing, and because it's stressful always being hungry at ngiht and feeling less energetic sometimes.

So I stopped counting calories. I've been doing a lot of exercize for the last couple of months. But I'm not losing weight. It's irritating, because they say that as a teen, you can lose weight by simply cutting out junk food, and being active. But both have applied to me and I haven't consistently lost weight. It doesn't help that once in a while I binge due to other reasons (I think i have bpd).

What should I do?

What kind of exercises have you been doing? One possibility is that while you might be burning some fat, you could be gaining muscle mass as well. I've been doing better on eating and working out overall and I've lost very little because I've been gaining muscle mass. Also, since you are sixteen you are most likely still growing. If you are getting taller then you most likely won't be losing weight.

As for the easting part, it depends on what you mean by binge. From what I read it's good to go a little extra one day, and by that they mean perhaps add something extra that you don't usually eat once a week. If you decide in one day to eat all fast food and just stuff yourself, that can take away the whole weeks of work, and sometimes even add weight. The main thing is to find filling foods that are good for you that keep you energized, and once a week add in something extra to reward yourself.

[Prismeru]

Ugh, so much is wrong with my life. Company's in a hiatus and a lot of money invested in a project is just like there without moving and it really stresses me out. My mother had a really bad diagnostic of her hip and if she doesn't undergo an operation she may never walk right again (Right now walking is an inmmense pain for her). On top of that my father want's me to be in their house for moral support but i get really depressed when i'm in there and we only end up fighting really bad when i'm there. Also i feel my brothers and even my dad don't help but when i say that everything gets twisted and the fault always ends up on me and people yell at me.

But i'm not here for that. The thing is the one that was helping me cope with all of that, the girl i'm seeing, is mad at me. And it's a clusterfuck. You see, the thing is i haven't been able to see her for a month and a half (!) even if we talk all the time in facebook and all that. Also, her mother comes the weekends and takes all her time and…well, it sucks. The thing is the sunday i was talking to her and told her i really missed her and i wanted to see a picture of her (just her face) but she ended sending me a nude one. So I also sent her a nude one laying in bed and then one in front of the lap showing my...huh, well my penis. When i send it to her she tells me "Oh yeah, with the help of pinups right?" and i got confused. Then i saw the picture and in the back you could see facebook and the pictures of a friend that does Burlesque. She was announcing her show in facebook and they were pics of the end of the show (So it was almost full nudity and you could see a photo of her ass which i guess it's big). I know no one will believe i wasn't seeing those pictures but i really wasn't. You could even see the pics weren't open (It's an album).

well, she got mad and said it looked like i was touching myself with those pictures instead of her and she disconnected and wouldn't answer my calls. i left a text apologizing but the next day she told me she was mad and felt like an idiot. i tried to explain but she wouldn't listen. I apologized again and when i thought i would just make it worse i just decided to stop talking to her and give her some space. So we didn't talk at all in Tuesday. In the night she left a hurtful comment in Twitter about people that say that they love you but never talk to you. I knew it was directed at me and i got really mad.

I told her that i didn't deserve that the next day and she told me it wasn't towards me and it wasn't her fault it fitted me like a ring (I don't believe her). I had told her i was dissapointed in her (I shouldn't have said that) so then she told me she was the one that was dissapointed. That she felt humiliated and that i should put myself in her place. I apologized again but she's been weird and when i told her how to solve it she said "i don't know" but she kinda ignored me when i said "Then this doesn't have a solution? (AKA: then do we break up?).

I'ven trying to figure out everything but i don't get it. One of the things i've been wondering is if she's Jealous of my friends. Sometimes i get the feeling she thinks she's ugly and even sometimes (i think this may be me. I don't consider myself handsome but people do seem to fancy me) i wonder if she's afraid one of my friends will snatch me from her (?? it sounds so stupid).

i just don't know, it's so much and even a number of friends have advised since some weeks ago to break up with her since i don't see her but i don't listen to them because like two of them want something with me or have friends that fancy me so i don't know if they do it out of interest. I feel bad because i hurt her but i don't know if i should end it (Does she want that?) or what to do. Another friend tells me it's stupid and she's blowing it out or proportion. When i suggested that she got even madder. I just don't know. It's stupid that i wasn't even checking the pictures. It like life just want's to fuck me.

Sorry for the messy and horrible writing but ugh, it's so much i really didn't want to write it here but i'm confused and stressed and everything sucks.

[ShinigamiKing]

@The:

What kind of exercises have you been doing? One possibility is that while you might be burning some fat, you could be gaining muscle mass as well. I've been doing better on eating and working out overall and I've lost very little because I've been gaining muscle mass. Also, since you are sixteen you are most likely still growing. If you are getting taller then you most likely won't be losing weight.

As for the easting part, it depends on what you mean by binge. From what I read it's good to go a little extra one day, and by that they mean perhaps add something extra that you don't usually eat once a week. If you decide in one day to eat all fast food and just stuff yourself, that can take away the whole weeks of work, and sometimes even add weight. The main thing is to find filling foods that are good for you that keep you energized, and once a week add in something extra to reward yourself.

Weight lifting and cardio. Usually lifting 3x a week, with cardio about 2x or 3x a week when I'm not lifting.

The binges are usually big binges, like probably eating a lot over maintenance. They've only been happening very recently for some reason.

[The Franky Tank]

@ShinigamiKing:

Weight lifting and cardio. Usually lifting 3x a week, with cardio about 2x or 3x a week when I'm not lifting.

The binges are usually big binges, like probably eating a lot over maintenance. They've only been happening very recently for some reason.

If you are doing a lot of weight you can be gaining a lot of muscle. It could be your body is getting used to all that working out and when you have a day off you are that hungry. Another possibility is you aren't eating correctly and that's a result of it. It could also just be a phase you are going through. If you start binging a lot then you might want to ask a professional.

In the end, the main thing is to be healthy overall. Don't worry about an arbitrary number that you want to be. Just eat healthy and be active, and you should stay healthy.

[ShinigamiKing]

@The:

If you are doing a lot of weight you can be gaining a lot of muscle. It could be your body is getting used to all that working out and when you have a day off you are that hungry. Another possibility is you aren't eating correctly and that's a result of it. It could also just be a phase you are going through. If you start binging a lot then you might want to ask a professional.

In the end, the main thing is to be healthy overall. Don't worry about an arbitrary number that you want to be. Just eat healthy and be active, and you should stay healthy.

I have a lot of body fat around my stomach though, so I know that the weight isn't only muscle.

–-

On a different note, I realized that I have trouble making use of my free time. I'm not efficient with free time. I end doing "self destructive" things like binge eating and having to exercize (which takes up time) or watch porn.

I call these self destructive because they take up a lot of time, and they are things that I usually either regret, or never planned to do.

I've abstained from many hobbies due to the apparrent assumption that I wont' have time for them (I've stopped playing video games, becuase of studies, for instance). I also tend to think about what I want to do, but when I have the time to do it, I have trouble figuring out how to do it. Or sometimes, I lose the motivation for it.

sometimes I'm only efficient late at night when the day's over. But even then, that's been going away, and I find myself doing nothing on most days. I need help.

[MDL]

@Prismeru:

i'm confused and stressed and everything sucks.

I was gonna give you some encouragement, but you're gone? Wut.
Good luck anyways, whether you can see this or not.

[taboo]

i do feel bad this time because it's been a year, but i gave my word that i'd ban him if he came back. and he still felt like posting about his dang wiener. take that stuff to the bath house forum on narutofan or something

[Noqanky]

It's understandable that you'd feel bad, but the thing is you can't just be all high and mighty about walking out and then apparently skulk back in like nothing happened expecting everyone to forget. That's not behavior you encourage.

[Pachylad]

Judging from his personal posts and posts in the News Discussion thread, though, it seems Prismeru was just trying to find an outlet for cartharsis from all the shit in his life.

I don't condone this, ofc, forum rules being forum rules (and and the end of the day how he went about it comes off as obstinately immature), just ultimately feeling bad for him and hoping I could've reached out and convinced him otherwise :/

[Carmilla]

It's just, the fact that it has been a year and he was actually gone all this time. Probably he was aware that he was risking it and mods might have banned him, though.

[taboo]

It's not up for discussion. Can we move on?

[Jameswuds]

Okay so now that I finally am happy. My parents fear that I'm losing my mind as if I'm sick somehow for being confident and happy. Has this ever happened to anyone? I just told them that I am fine with myself and I won't speak to them as long as they bring that stuff up to just show them that there is nothing at all for them to concern themselves with.

Because honestly - if they don't believe my judgement at all, what reason do I have to consider their judgement? What do you guys think? I'm not losing my shit, I'm just looking at it for what it is, it's perplexing and strange ._.

[Hanz]

i have something that i would like to get off my chest…
i'm scared, very scared. i don't know if it's paranoia or anxiety. but i seem to get terrified of anything nowadays.
im scared that i may contact some disease that will ruin my live or end it, it was a heart attack and cancer before and now im afraid of blood borne diseases (hiv or hepatitis c)
i've never had sex with anyone before (it's not something i'm ashamed of, im asexual) and i don't inject anything on my body. but i've been through a situation that caused me great mental distress about this.
i went to do a blood test in a lab, i finished it quickly and headed out because i hate needles. after it was over i fainted on the street as a reaction to the needle and fell down on the asphalt for what i assume to be a few seconds, i got a small abrasion on my left palm as a result.
i got up and some police officer came to me and asked why i fell, i told him that i always get dizzy after needle shots, and i asked him if i could wash my hand because it was cut and it had alot dirt on it. he gave me a big bottle of drinking water and i washed the abrasion on my hand with it, i went back to the lab afterwords and sterilized it with antiseptic and washed again from the tap water.
i got home and i all of these bad thoughts started flooding in my head "could his water have saliva or blood traces that could infect me with something when it came in contact with me abrasion?", "is the tap water even clean? what if someone had bled or ejaculated in the water tank and it found it's way to the wound?" "what if someone injected me with infected blood in the time i was passed out on the street", "what if the needle the nurse used was not sterile?"
why? why am i thinking like this and why is this taking all my thoughts? i mean all of those situations are probably unlikely to happen right?
and now im too terrified to go take STDs blood test. should i even take it? please help me do what's right because i don't know.
sorry for depressing you guys or if i triggered something bad to you.

[The Franky Tank]

@Hanz:

i have something that i would like to get off my chest…
i'm scared, very scared. i don't know if it's paranoia or anxiety. but i seem to get terrified of anything nowadays.
im scared that i may contact some disease that will ruin my live or end it, it was a heart attack and cancer before and now im afraid of blood borne diseases (hiv or hepatitis c)
i've never had sex with anyone before (it's not something i'm ashamed of, im asexual) and i don't inject anything on my body. but i've been through a situation that caused me great mental distress about this.
i went to do a blood test in a lab, i finished it quickly and headed out because i hate needles. after it was over i fainted on the street as a reaction to the needle and fell down on the asphalt for what i assume to be a few seconds, i got a small abrasion on my left palm as a result.
i got up and some police officer came to me and asked why i fell, i told him that i always get dizzy after needle shots, and i asked him if i could wash my hand because it was cut and it had alot dirt on it. he gave me a big bottle of drinking water and i washed the abrasion on my hand with it, i went back to the lab afterwords and sterilized it with antiseptic and washed again from the tap water.
i got home and i all of these bad thoughts started flooding in my head "could his water have saliva or blood traces that could infect me with something when it came in contact with me abrasion?", "is the tap water even clean? what if someone had bled or ejaculated in the water tank and it found it's way to the wound?" "what if someone injected me with infected blood in the time i was passed out on the street", "what if the needle the nurse used was not sterile?"
why? why am i thinking like this and why is this taking all my thoughts? i mean all of those situations are probably unlikely to happen right?
and now im too terrified to go take STDs blood test. should i even take it? please help me do what's right because i don't know.
sorry for depressing you guys or if i triggered something bad to you.

I don't remember everything about transmissions and all that, so I don't know how helpful this would be. The only possible main concern is the water bottle perhaps, and that depends on if the person had drank from the bottle already. The rest to me sounds like hypotheticals that are most likely not something that will happen. In the end, it comes down to how do you feel, how important is it to you, and are you able to get a test done and not hurt yourself financially (I don't know how this works). Personally, I wouldn't be worried, because it sounds like to many what ifs that to me are far fetched. If you are worried and you really need to know, then it might be good to get tested. That nagging feeling can get unbearable, and knowing can make things much better

That said, I would also advise getting advice from people who are more knowledgeable. Like I said, I'm not completely certain about the subject.

[Monkey King]

@Hanz:

i have something that i would like to get off my chest…
i'm scared, very scared. i don't know if it's paranoia or anxiety. but i seem to get terrified of anything nowadays.
im scared that i may contact some disease that will ruin my live or end it, it was a heart attack and cancer before and now im afraid of blood borne diseases (hiv or hepatitis c)
i've never had sex with anyone before (it's not something i'm ashamed of, im asexual) and i don't inject anything on my body. but i've been through a situation that caused me great mental distress about this.
i went to do a blood test in a lab, i finished it quickly and headed out because i hate needles. after it was over i fainted on the street as a reaction to the needle and fell down on the asphalt for what i assume to be a few seconds, i got a small abrasion on my left palm as a result.
i got up and some police officer came to me and asked why i fell, i told him that i always get dizzy after needle shots, and i asked him if i could wash my hand because it was cut and it had alot dirt on it. he gave me a big bottle of drinking water and i washed the abrasion on my hand with it, i went back to the lab afterwords and sterilized it with antiseptic and washed again from the tap water.
i got home and i all of these bad thoughts started flooding in my head "could his water have saliva or blood traces that could infect me with something when it came in contact with me abrasion?", "is the tap water even clean? what if someone had bled or ejaculated in the water tank and it found it's way to the wound?" "what if someone injected me with infected blood in the time i was passed out on the street", "what if the needle the nurse used was not sterile?"
why? why am i thinking like this and why is this taking all my thoughts? i mean all of those situations are probably unlikely to happen right?
and now im too terrified to go take STDs blood test. should i even take it? please help me do what's right because i don't know.
sorry for depressing you guys or if i triggered something bad to you.

You definitely have some severe phobia style issues, whether it's germs or disease I don't suppose matters really. No this isn't normal, no it's not rational. But it sounds like you're buried in these fears very very deeply. I think you need to seek help about that.
You need to realize the problem is upstairs in your mind, and that it's that part of your body you ought to take to a doctor/therapist.
It's what they say man, brain's an organ too.

[Hanz]

thanks you guys, and yes i've talked to professionals. they told me there's no risk.
a therapist seems like a good idea, i'll pursue that when i get a stable income.

[Ekila]

@Hanz:

thanks you guys, and yes i've talked to professionals. they told me there's no risk.
a therapist seems like a good idea, i'll pursue that when i get a stable income.

I agree with the therapist idea. It helped me out a lot when I had one. So, I hope it works out for you too, when you get a chance to see one! :3

[Green-Hair 0]

I’m normally not one to post my feelings one the internet, let alone on a forum but I’m so frustrated that I don’t know what to do. I’m so alone. I feel like everyone thinks I’m an idiot. Granted, I do act like one sometimes but I really get treated like shit a lot. Within the last year I’ve been robbed and betrayed so much. I’m depressed out of my mind. I’m always like 10% suicidal and that number fluctuates daily. I have a therapist and the whole 9 yards, it helps but only to an extent. I’ve been lied to and rejected so much by women that I’ve somewhat devolved into a strange type of misogyny. I don’t like hate women but I’m so frustrated. Pieces of shit with no job or car pull the hottest/coolest/most down to earth chicks while I sit at home trying to prevent myself from crying I’m so alone.
Jesus, I feel so whiny but I need to get this out. I smoke weed and drink a lot to numb the pain but my tolerance is sky high. Nothing takes the pain away. Yesterday I was so upset I started having random chest pains. As a man, I’m trying to be macho and hold in my emotions, but I’m literally getting sick because of it. My own family snaps on me and treats me like an outcast. Being a pretty nerdy black guy living in the 2nd biggest city in Iowa, I deal with a lot of discrimination and rascism. Ironically, mostly FROM MY OWN RACE. I don’t have any black friends because they’ve all robbed and betrayed me. A lot of them are “refugees” from Chicago with some type of fucked up mob mentality going on. Honestly, deep down, this world makes me sick. I just don’t know I can deal with shit anymore. Sometimes I consider taking one of my checks, buying a gun and splattering my brains all over the wall, just like my best friend (my cousin) did. People told me I’d end up like him anyway. Jesus, I’m shaking right now. I have a lot of turmoil and self-hatred going on. People tell me I’m smart but I think I’ve officially lost my mind. Might just say screw it and throw it all away because this world is shit and I don’t care anymore

Sorry about that depressing wall of text but these are my feelings. Isn’t this what this thread is for???

[Hanz]

give life a chance, don't take a permanent solution to a temporary problem. things don't stay the same, you will grow up, they might get better for you. so don't rush to end your life.

[benjamminbrown]

@Green-Hair:

I’m normally not one to post my feelings one the internet, let alone on a forum but I’m so frustrated that I don’t know what to do. I’m so alone. I feel like everyone thinks I’m an idiot. Granted, I do act like one sometimes but I really get treated like shit a lot. Within the last year I’ve been robbed and betrayed so much. I’m depressed out of my mind. I’m always like 10% suicidal and that number fluctuates daily. I have a therapist and the whole 9 yards, it helps but only to an extent. I’ve been lied to and rejected so much by women that I’ve somewhat devolved into a strange type of misogyny. I don’t like hate women but I’m so frustrated. Pieces of shit with no job or car pull the hottest/coolest/most down to earth chicks while I sit at home trying to prevent myself from crying I’m so alone.
Jesus, I feel so whiny but I need to get this out. I smoke weed and drink a lot to numb the pain but my tolerance is sky high. Nothing takes the pain away. Yesterday I was so upset I started having random chest pains. As a man, I’m trying to be macho and hold in my emotions, but I’m literally getting sick because of it. My own family snaps on me and treats me like an outcast. Being a pretty nerdy black guy living in the 2nd biggest city in Iowa, I deal with a lot of discrimination and rascism. Ironically, mostly FROM MY OWN RACE. I don’t have any black friends because they’ve all robbed and betrayed me. A lot of them are “refugees” from Chicago with some type of fucked up mob mentality going on. Honestly, deep down, this world makes me sick. I just don’t know I can deal with shit anymore. Sometimes I consider taking one of my checks, buying a gun and splattering my brains all over the wall, just like my best friend (my cousin) did. People told me I’d end up like him anyway. Jesus, I’m shaking right now. I have a lot of turmoil and self-hatred going on. People tell me I’m smart but I think I’ve officially lost my mind. Might just say screw it and throw it all away because this world is shit and I don’t care anymore

Sorry about that depressing wall of text but these are my feelings. Isn’t this what this thread is for???

It's good to get your feelings out. I can understand where you're coming from a little when it comes to women troubles. We all get lonely and a bit bitter when it's been a while since we've been in a good relationship.

My only advice is to keep your head up and keep pushing forward - Life is beautiful, whether you're able to see it right now or not. You'll find better times, sometimes all it takes is a little patience. I just got out of one of the worst times of my life, a severe depression and situation that I was worried would never change or get better. But, sure enough, after I gave life another solid shot, things started looking up for me. A year ago, I would struggle just to get up and make myself food, preferring to stay in bed all day. But it didn't last forever.

You'll be alright if you take it just one day at a time. Find something you love to do and don't be afraid to keep being yourself, even if you think that others judge you for it.

Not sure how you feel about your substance usage, but have you considered cutting back or quitting entirely? It can be difficult, but it might be just the thing you need for a change in perspective.

[Green-Hair 0]

@Hanz:

give life a chance, don't take a permanent solution to a temporary problem. things don't stay the same, you will grow up, they might get better for you. so don't rush to end your life.

@benjamminbrown:

It's good to get your feelings out. I can understand where you're coming from a little when it comes to women troubles. We all get lonely and a bit bitter when it's been a while since we've been in a good relationship.

My only advice is to keep your head up and keep pushing forward - Life is beautiful, whether you're able to see it right now or not. You'll find better times, sometimes all it takes is a little patience. I just got out of one of the worst times of my life, a severe depression and situation that I was worried would never change or get better. But, sure enough, after I gave life another solid shot, things started looking up for me. A year ago, I would struggle just to get up and make myself food, preferring to stay in bed all day. But it didn't last forever.

You'll be alright if you take it just one day at a time. Find something you love to do and don't be afraid to keep being yourself, even if you think that others judge you for it.

Not sure how you feel about your substance usage, but have you considered cutting back or quitting entirely? It can be difficult, but it might be just the thing you need for a change in perspective.

I appreciate your advice. Sometimes I just get to pessimistic about life. Between my own personal life and some things happening in the world, I'm scared out of my mind honestly.

But yeah, I realize I have a substance abuse problem. It'd be different if I drank/smoked for leisure and recreational purposes. But I'm doing this shit to hold my emotions down and get by. I need help and I know it. Problem is, I think rehab is a joke as I've done it before and relapsed so fast Charlie Sheen would be proud. So I don't know. I agree my best bet is to probably find a hobby. I used to write but I've been on hiatus for a looooooong time. Scared I'm just gonna write depressing shit. I just want to be happy and have a companion. I'm tired of my family being like "hurr durr do you have a girlfriend?! It's cause you don't take care of yourself! Brush your hair, etc." I don't even play video games like I used to, I sure sign of severe depression cus of love that shit. Even on here, there was a thread when about the Revs getting wrecked by Blackbeard and I overreacted and posted in panic and got crucified. I avoided this place for like weeks cus I just felt so stupid. What I'm getting at is I get so angry/offended about everything nowadays. I just want to wake up for once and not contemplate ending it all. I wanna wake up with a smile for once.

[benjamminbrown]

@Green-Hair:

I appreciate your advice. Sometimes I just get to pessimistic about life. Between my own personal life and some things happening in the world, I'm scared out of my mind honestly.

But yeah, I realize I have a substance abuse problem. It'd be different if I drank/smoked for leisure and recreational purposes. But I'm doing this shit to hold my emotions down and get by. I need help and I know it. Problem is, I think rehab is a joke as I've done it before and relapsed so fast Charlie Sheen would be proud. So I don't know. I agree my best bet is to probably find a hobby. I used to write but I've been on hiatus for a looooooong time. Scared I'm just gonna write depressing shit. I just want to be happy and have a companion. I'm tired of my family being like "hurr durr do you have a girlfriend?! It's cause you don't take care of yourself! Brush your hair, etc." I don't even play video games like I used to, I sure sign of severe depression cus of love that shit. Even on here, there was a thread when about the Revs getting wrecked by Blackbeard and I overreacted and posted in panic and got crucified. I avoided this place for like weeks cus I just felt so stupid. What I'm getting at is I get so angry/offended about everything nowadays. I just want to wake up for once and not contemplate ending it all. I wanna wake up with a smile for once.

Alcohol is actually addictive, depending on your genes and how often you use it, so quitting it completely might require something like real rehab. But at least the weed you should be able to put down without too much effort. If you make an honest effort not to use it at all for about a month, then you'll find that the effort required to keep off the habit is almost negligible. Give it a shot, see if it helps.

I understand that you'll feel slightly down during that period, but once you get all of the substance out of your system, you'll feel a little clearer headed and maybe even happier than you were when you were using.

[Vectorkov]

@Green-Hair:

Sorry about that depressing wall of text but these are my feelings. Isn’t this what this thread is for???

What is keeping you in Iowa?

[Green-Hair 0]

@Vectorkov:

What is keeping you in Iowa?

My damned moms side of the family is from here. It sucks cus all the cool people in my fam that lived here died off and I'm left with the douchier family members still alive. I plan on moving to Oregon in the next year. Its so depressing here. A LOT of alcoholicism here. It ridiculous. I hate it and I'm scared one day its gonna take me under.

[Vectorkov]

@Green-Hair:

I plan on moving to Oregon in the next year. Its so depressing here.

Getting the hell out of there sounds like a good plan for you. If you can't move up that timeline try to do what others have said and cut back on the substance abuse as it is probably only making things worse. Maybe try redirecting that time and money to something where you can be around positive people and be a part of a community. Martial arts fills that role well in my experience. Something as simple as heavy-bag rounds are like therapy to me.

[Nolus]

So among the many exams I still have to study for and pass (oh god Swedish literature, why do you hate me? :(), I've got another thing that I'm almost constantly fundering about.

I started to feel like my body isn't really suitable for me. I mean, I kinda felt this way for a long time, but now, I guess, I know what that feeling is? Or suspect? I don't know honestly. I'm feeling more and more detached from anything female than every before and it makes me worried. I so want to not judge people and things based on the gender/sex but I can't help but feel less friendly towards females than males. Like, I sense I'm not going to have a good time with them. When I talk to a guy, it's mostly really easy to enjoy myself and let myself go of all the fears and social anxieties.

The second thing is… I've been imagining myself as a guy for sometime now. Not in our world, in a fictional world (if that matters in this case). It feels kinda good. Interesting and not as alien as it felt before (I've tried it).

I don't know, I just want to find out what the hell I am exactly.

[sanji''s_dad]

@Hanz:

i have something that i would like to get off my chest…
i'm scared, very scared. i don't know if it's paranoia or anxiety. but i seem to get terrified of anything nowadays.
im scared that i may contact some disease that will ruin my live or end it, it was a heart attack and cancer before and now im afraid of blood borne diseases (hiv or hepatitis c)
i've never had sex with anyone before (it's not something i'm ashamed of, im asexual) and i don't inject anything on my body. but i've been through a situation that caused me great mental distress about this.
i went to do a blood test in a lab, i finished it quickly and headed out because i hate needles. after it was over i fainted on the street as a reaction to the needle and fell down on the asphalt for what i assume to be a few seconds, i got a small abrasion on my left palm as a result.
i got up and some police officer came to me and asked why i fell, i told him that i always get dizzy after needle shots, and i asked him if i could wash my hand because it was cut and it had a lot dirt on it. he gave me a big bottle of drinking water and i washed the abrasion on my hand with it, i went back to the lab afterwords and sterilized it with antiseptic and washed again from the tap water.
i got home and i all of these bad thoughts started flooding in my head "could his water have saliva or blood traces that could infect me with something when it came in contact with me abrasion?", "is the tap water even clean? what if someone had bled or ejaculated in the water tank and it found it's way to the wound?" "what if someone injected me with infected blood in the time i was passed out on the street", "what if the needle the nurse used was not sterile?"
why? why am i thinking like this and why is this taking all my thoughts? i mean all of those situations are probably unlikely to happen right?
and now im too terrified to go take STDs blood test. should i even take it? please help me do what's right because i don't know.
sorry for depressing you guys or if i triggered something bad to you.

Nothing wrong with washing your hands or using protection in sex since it also stops unwanted pregnances but if you have any old condoms you're better off getting new ones since over time depending on how they're stored it can weaken them and if you're going to use lube make sure you use the correct type with the condom you're using since some types of lube can weaken certain types of condoms no prize for the amount of people you have sex with i don't know the names of all the people i have had it with also it's actually a bonus if you're going to marry someone..

Nurse''s are very profession they use new needles every time which are opened from new packets and it's people sharing drugs with the same needle that most likely happens to also if the water you used was from a bottle of water that he was drinking then i would be more worried about that than dirt on the ground or water from the tap which is treated by law however luckily for you that you went back in and had the wound sterilized which would have killed anything that you might have gotten from it also next time you get a needle don't leave right away sit down and relax i have no problem giving blood or getting needles but even i sit and relax before moving on also my brother was always stressed out before getting a needle so it actually hurt him since his arm was not relaxed if you don't want it to hurt when you get a needle then you need to relax your arm take your time to do this since you can tell them when you're ready to have it done being in charge helps you relax as well.

you're safe since the wound was sterilized but don't use water from a bottle someone has been drinking to wash your wound next time if the bottle was not opened then you have nothing to worry about,.

[Hanz]

thanks, i read alot about this and yeah the internet tells me that there's no risk even if the water was not clean.
im not gonna test for this situation, im already gonna apply for a visa later this year so there will be mandatory blood tests for that.

[The D.]

sigh Alright guys(and ladies) this is something that's been bothering me for some time now, and I really need to get it off my chest. Also, this is kind of a sex thing, so if you're uncomfortable with that type of thing this would be a good place to stop reading.
I have a smaller than average penis. There, I said it. This has been bothering me because I'm terrified that when I meet the right woman I wont be able satisfy her in the bedroom. I know there's nothing I can do about my size, and it's not my fault and all that, but I can't help but feel an immense amount of shame over this. So much so that I've considered becoming celibate in order to never suffer the shame of not being able to satisfy my partner. I know reading that might have been awkward, but I've never told anyone about this and really needed to get it off my chest, and this seemed as good a place as any.

[The Franky Tank]

@The:

sigh Alright guys(and ladies) this is something that's been bothering me for some time now, and I really need to get it off my chest. Also, this is kind of a sex thing, so if you're uncomfortable with that type of thing this would be a good place to stop reading.
I have a smaller than average penis. There, I said it. This has been bothering me because I'm terrified that when I meet the right woman I wont be able satisfy her in the bedroom. I know there's nothing I can do about my size, and it's not my fault and all that, but I can't help but feel an immense amount of shame over this. So much so that I've considered becoming celibate in order to never suffer the shame of not being able to satisfy my partner. I know reading that might have been awkward, but I've never told anyone about this and really needed to get it off my chest, and this seemed as good a place as any.

I know nothing about what makes sex great for people, but there are some things that I have heard that I feel might help. First of all is that size does not necessarily matter. Seems like most of the time being small is just used as a petty insult and you shouldn't be ashamed for who you are and what you have. As far for actual sex, it seems to only matter for certain people and for certain things, so it isn't necessarily going to be a deal breaker. Beyond that, from what I've been told is that it comes to getting experience and finding out what works best. Some day I'll have sex for the first time with someone I care about, and I fully expect the first time to not go that well. The best mindset, at least how I feel, is to both be in the mindset that it will take some time getting to know each other and what works for you. Over time I would imagine things get better as you find what works for each other and you get more intimate with each other.

In the end, I think you shouldn't worry about it too much. While sex is certainly a huge part of society these days, you shouldn't let the saturation and how people talk about it make you think it's the most important thing. Don't get down on what you think is right, and just know that whenever the time comes that your partner will know your feelings and be ready to help you out.

[The D.]

@The:

I know nothing about what makes sex great for people, but there are some things that I have heard that I feel might help. First of all is that size does not necessarily matter. Seems like most of the time being small is just used as a petty insult and you shouldn't be ashamed for who you are and what you have. As far for actual sex, it seems to only matter for certain people and for certain things, so it isn't necessarily going to be a deal breaker. Beyond that, from what I've been told is that it comes to getting experience and finding out what works best. Some day I'll have sex for the first time with someone I care about, and I fully expect the first time to not go that well. The best mindset, at least how I feel, is to both be in the mindset that it will take some time getting to know each other and what works for you. Over time I would imagine things get better as you find what works for each other and you get more intimate with each other.

In the end, I think you shouldn't worry about it too much. While sex is certainly a huge part of society these days, you shouldn't let the saturation and how people talk about it make you think it's the most important thing. Don't get down on what you think is right, and just know that whenever the time comes that your partner will know your feelings and be ready to help you out.

Thank you for your kind words, man(or lady). I guess all I needed was some Friendly encouragement, and to get it off my chest.

[KageKageKing]

! I am very, VERY disappointed with myself. I am this close in graduating college and I am wish more and more for this day not to coming. Ever since I got above 20s there has been a lot of pressure in my life and now I am starting to doubt my choices. It is tough that every time I have some time to myself it feels like I am actually running away from my responsabilities. And my life by itself is pretty boring when I think about it and it feels like there is no way it will get better. It feels very lacking compared to those of everyone, including from what I hear from some of you. I always feel more easy with life when I am being part of this forum, even if sometimes you guys pisses me off for petty things (Yeah, I am talking about the Fred Incident.) and that is why I have been writting those silly trash Hybrid chapters even though I said I wasn't hot in going that far because I thought I could offer more of me to you. But still, real life is there and there is no way to leave it behind. After all, what kind of man would be me if I run away of my own choices. I choose to not open myself in this forum because family may see this kind of thing and I am not in the mood to have this talk, since we pretty much had enough of this already, but now I feel I really need to take this off my chest. Thanks for noticing me fellas.

[C_uggs]

@KageKageKing:

! I am very, VERY disappointed with myself. I am this close in graduating college and I am wish more and more for this day not to coming. Ever since I got above 20s there has been a lot of pressure in my life and now I am starting to doubt my choices. It is tough that every time I have some time to myself it feels like I am actually running away from my responsabilities. And my life by itself is pretty boring when I think about it and it feels like there is no way it will get better. It feels very lacking compared to those of everyone, including from what I hear from some of you. I always feel more easy with life when I am being part of this forum, even if sometimes you guys pisses me off for petty things (Yeah, I am talking about the Fred Incident.) and that is why I have been writting those silly trash Hybrid chapters even though I said I wasn't hot in going that far because I thought I could offer more of me to you. But still, real life is there and there is no way to leave it behind. After all, what kind of man would be me if I run away of my own choices. I choose to not open myself in this forum because family may see this kind of thing and I am not in the mood to have this talk, since we pretty much had enough of this already, but now I feel I really need to take this off my chest. Thanks for noticing me fellas.

[hide]Sometimes life can be scary, but the best thing you could do in this situation is keep living and do what you like. Just keep doing stuff and you will be ok. Even if you feel like you are doing nothing with your life or are wasting it as you grow older, life keeps going forward and you have to keep with it, so keep living and keep being happy.[/hide]

[Nolus]

I need help. Let me explain.

Lately, as you might already have read it in this thread, I've been having problems with my self-image, and I feel like my world is slowly coming apart and going upside-down.
For those who are unfamiliar with me,

! I'm a woman, who almost from birth liked the boys stuff, simply put. I liked boys clothes, my hair was almost always short-cut, I liked getting messy, and I absolutely despised dolls. Or more like I could do nothing with them. Cars and action figures however, they were fun. Because of my appearance I was often mistaken for a boy (or rather got the "is this a boy or a girl" question, which was quite annoying). Funny story, I was once kicked out of the girls bathroom, because they thought I was a boy. Funnier still, this happened to my mom as well when she was little. Must be a family thing.
! Later on, at around age 16-17 I started to become girly, grew out my hair, got some girl-clothes, even skirts (oh my god, what happened to me then), and got earrings. It was…. fun for a while. Like dressing up for halloween. It just wasn't the real me. Starting university, I slowly but surely slid back to my roots, my hair got shorter and shorter (to the sadness of my mom and my hairdresser-they really adored my long curly hair, and it truly was spectacular when it came to looking at it-not much when it came to maintaining it). I gave away my girly clothing, and bought more guyish ones.
! Now I'm at a point, where I almost refuse to wear any clothing labelled as girls, and go out my way to have men's clothing on me at all times. I started wearing boxers, my brother gave me some of his shirts and even a jacket he used to wear, and even if I have to go to the end of the world, I only buy myself men's pants (which is quite difficult, as I'm rather little). Even my socks are men's socks which as little as it matters in the big picture, still makes me feel better.
! As for friendships and such, even if I tried hanging out with the girls from time to time, I always found and still find guys company better. I can't really connect to people of my own gender. I swear I tried many times but it just doesn't work for me.
! Maybe my development so far can be best described with the state of my hair during the years: starting out with short and simple, then experimenting with longer and curlier frisures and slowly cutting it shorter and shorter, then ironing it (making it straight. Is that the correct word?) and finally, cutting it short and sort of punky.
Problem is that…
I feel incomplete still. I want to push myself further, but I can't anymore. This is as much as I can do. By now you probably now where this is going.
I've begun imagining myself as a boy, and it feels right somehow. I've asked my friends to think of me as a boy instead, and they agreed and are really doing it. I've became another guy, and it feels great when they jokingly call me "sir" instead of "madam".
When I look into the mirror, I see a quite good body, but it doesn't feel like mine. I've felt this for a long time, but I always assumed it can be helped by a new haircut, new clothes and such. And so I did. I cut my hair, bought clothes, and started to work out to gain some muscle. It helped, but I still can't get away from the feeling that it's not enough.

If someone of you knows of places on the web where I can further discuss this with other people or get information about transsexuality/transgenderism, I would be grateful. I've been searching on my own, but I'm kind of afraid to enter a community just like that.

[sanji''s_dad]

@The:

sigh Alright guys(and ladies) this is something that's been bothering me for some time now, and I really need to get it off my chest. Also, this is kind of a sex thing, so if you're uncomfortable with that type of thing this would be a good place to stop reading.
I have a smaller than average penis. There, I said it. This has been bothering me because I'm terrified that when I meet the right woman I wont be able satisfy her in the bedroom. I know there's nothing I can do about my size, and it's not my fault and all that, but I can't help but feel an immense amount of shame over this. So much so that I've considered becoming celibate in order to never suffer the shame of not being able to satisfy my partner. I know reading that might have been awkward, but I've never told anyone about this and really needed to get it off my chest, and this seemed as good a place as any.

It does not matter how big it's since it still does the job some girls don't like huge dicks and some girls love huge dicks but if a girl loves you then it does not matter how big it's since your dick will still get her pregnant and you can still give her a orgasm even if it's not big so don't worry.

[Pachylad]

This post is deleted!

[Ekila]

@Nolus:

…

Well, with my experience before I made my decision to label myself as a woman, I was stuck in not knowing what gender I was. And even before that, I liked the idea of cross-dressing, as in wearing clothes with the label of them being for girls. So, I kinda know where you coming from. As for hair, I am more happy with it being long and curly, compared to how short it was in the past. And of course other reasons after I started the changed. Like how I was very happy in actually have breasts on me, instead it being an empty chest for example.

Anyways, that's enough of me empathizing with you xD

Here are some sites that I would recommend:

There's this webcomic that talks about trans issues, etc:
http://jocelynsamara.deviantart.com/gallery/27273884/Rain-Comic

Also, this website might be able to assist you as well:
http://www.tsroadmap.com/index.html

Anyways, I hope I was of some help! I wish you good luck in all of this too! :3

[Monkey King]

@The:

sigh Alright guys(and ladies) this is something that's been bothering me for some time now, and I really need to get it off my chest. Also, this is kind of a sex thing, so if you're uncomfortable with that type of thing this would be a good place to stop reading.
I have a smaller than average penis. There, I said it. This has been bothering me because I'm terrified that when I meet the right woman I wont be able satisfy her in the bedroom. I know there's nothing I can do about my size, and it's not my fault and all that, but I can't help but feel an immense amount of shame over this. So much so that I've considered becoming celibate in order to never suffer the shame of not being able to satisfy my partner. I know reading that might have been awkward, but I've never told anyone about this and really needed to get it off my chest, and this seemed as good a place as any.

If your dick fell off tomorrow, all you'd still need to get a girl crazy would be your hands and mouth. Just sayin'.

[Noqanky]

@Nolus:

I need help. Let me explain.

Lately, as you might already have read it in this thread, I've been having problems with my self-image, and I feel like my world is slowly coming apart and going upside-down.
For those who are unfamiliar with me,

! I'm a woman, who almost from birth liked the boys stuff, simply put. I liked boys clothes, my hair was almost always short-cut, I liked getting messy, and I absolutely despised dolls. Or more like I could do nothing with them. Cars and action figures however, they were fun. Because of my appearance I was often mistaken for a boy (or rather got the "is this a boy or a girl" question, which was quite annoying). Funny story, I was once kicked out of the girls bathroom, because they thought I was a boy. Funnier still, this happened to my mom as well when she was little. Must be a family thing.
! Later on, at around age 16-17 I started to become girly, grew out my hair, got some girl-clothes, even skirts (oh my god, what happened to me then), and got earrings. It was…. fun for a while. Like dressing up for halloween. It just wasn't the real me. Starting university, I slowly but surely slid back to my roots, my hair got shorter and shorter (to the sadness of my mom and my hairdresser-they really adored my long curly hair, and it truly was spectacular when it came to looking at it-not much when it came to maintaining it). I gave away my girly clothing, and bought more guyish ones.
! Now I'm at a point, where I almost refuse to wear any clothing labelled as girls, and go out my way to have men's clothing on me at all times. I started wearing boxers, my brother gave me some of his shirts and even a jacket he used to wear, and even if I have to go to the end of the world, I only buy myself men's pants (which is quite difficult, as I'm rather little). Even my socks are men's socks which as little as it matters in the big picture, still makes me feel better.
! As for friendships and such, even if I tried hanging out with the girls from time to time, I always found and still find guys company better. I can't really connect to people of my own gender. I swear I tried many times but it just doesn't work for me.
! Maybe my development so far can be best described with the state of my hair during the years: starting out with short and simple, then experimenting with longer and curlier frisures and slowly cutting it shorter and shorter, then ironing it (making it straight. Is that the correct word?) and finally, cutting it short and sort of punky.
Problem is that…
I feel incomplete still. I want to push myself further, but I can't anymore. This is as much as I can do. By now you probably now where this is going.
I've begun imagining myself as a boy, and it feels right somehow. I've asked my friends to think of me as a boy instead, and they agreed and are really doing it. I've became another guy, and it feels great when they jokingly call me "sir" instead of "madam".
When I look into the mirror, I see a quite good body, but it doesn't feel like mine. I've felt this for a long time, but I always assumed it can be helped by a new haircut, new clothes and such. And so I did. I cut my hair, bought clothes, and started to work out to gain some muscle. It helped, but I still can't get away from the feeling that it's not enough.

If someone of you knows of places on the web where I can further discuss this with other people or get information about transsexuality/transgenderism, I would be grateful. I've been searching on my own, but I'm kind of afraid to enter a community just like that.

I just saw this, I'll send you a pm in a bit with stuff that helped me figure stuff out. So far though, what Ekila provides is also pretty good stuff! That comic in particular I'd suggest just for entertainment though, not so much for research. I think I blitzed the entirety of it in like two nights…

[The D.]

@Monkey:

If your dick fell off tomorrow, all you'd still need to get a girl crazy would be your hands and mouth. Just sayin'.

Thanks man, It was just a real hit to my manhood when I thought I wouldn't be able to satisfy a woman. I don't know why, it was just a super big deal to me.

[Monkey King]

Maybe I'm weird, but foreplay is more fun.

[Jabberwok]

I'm with Zephos on this one. 98% sure I'm better with my hands anyway.

[Carmilla]

@The:

sigh Alright guys(and ladies) this is something that's been bothering me for some time now, and I really need to get it off my chest. Also, this is kind of a sex thing, so if you're uncomfortable with that type of thing this would be a good place to stop reading.
I have a smaller than average penis. There, I said it. This has been bothering me because I'm terrified that when I meet the right woman I wont be able satisfy her in the bedroom. I know there's nothing I can do about my size, and it's not my fault and all that, but I can't help but feel an immense amount of shame over this. So much so that I've considered becoming celibate in order to never suffer the shame of not being able to satisfy my partner. I know reading that might have been awkward, but I've never told anyone about this and really needed to get it off my chest, and this seemed as good a place as any.

I honestly don't know what's 13+ and what's not anymore, or what kind of talk is allowed here, so I'll just spoiler this.

! I am a virgin girl, but I still wanted to comment on this. It's such a common stereotype.
And female orgasm is such a complicated and individual thing, there's no guarantee that your shape or size would please someone. Knowing how to treat a particular woman, what she likes the most, what exactly makes her feel the best and learning these kind of stuff is the key to her getting pleased. It's an action you learn, not a predetermined thing you can't do anything about.
And also, as a response to the talk above, at this point I can't really imagine what more potential could vaginal sex have that clitoris can't achieve.
Oh and also, hopefully this gives you a perspective from a girl, I don't really think size is important and all that matter to me would be for them to love me and for them to be willing to take my needs into account. And it's not just naive thinking, my sexual arousal feeds a lot on emotions and connections.

[The D.]

Thanks guys, and lady. I've finally decided to stop beating myself up over this, and work on other things that I can change.

[Hanz]

and sometimes it's the mental stuff that could mess with your body. i have decently sized one but my paranoia renders me completely indifferent to women.
whats the use of it if im too busy getting scared of things?
19+

! thankfully it's not permanent, i do masturbate from time to time but no where as near as healthy man would.

[Monkey King]

@Hanz:

and sometimes it's the mental stuff that could mess with your body. i have decently sized one but my paranoia renders me completely indifferent to women.
whats the use of it if im too busy getting scared of things?
19+

! thankfully it's not permanent, i do masturbate from time to time but no where as near as healthy man would.

Eh what is a "healthy man".
I don't like people getting all "dude sexuality is like this" "chick sexuality is like this".
You get a bunch of dudes wondering if they're asexual losers, and chicks feeling guilty of being in the mood a lot.
Bunch o' dumb shit.
You are what you are.

[taboo]

Just remember that lesbians have sex all the time and they experience on average more orgasms than hetero couples

[The Franky Tank]

In the end it comes down to being comfortable with who you are. People are going to be pricks and try to take you down with anything they can, especially with insecurities and if you don't conform with what one perceives as normal. I went through a time where because I've never been on a date or even been to first base that there was something wrong with me. Over time though I learned there is nothing wrong with that, and even if I go through my life like that it doesn't matter. Because of that it not only doesn't bother me, but I'm fine being open about it if the conversation comes up.

[Earthquake]

I'm very apathetic in general as a person. As a result I get a lot of attention from women, but they seem to lose interest shortly after, probably because my apathy draws them away eventually even if it initally drew them into me.

also, feels weird to be the only one not to have sexual experience around social circles. I feel like it's a normal thing to be sexually active, like it's normal and easy and part of life. I don't feel normal because of that.

yeah I know a lot of people laugh like my friends do. But I don't feel like I could have sex with a stranger or someone I don't have a connection with. I've passed on a few chances due to be really apathetic and not wanting to have sex with someone I don't know.