@piratemarimo:
! I really hate feeling inexplicably pissed off at everyone. Recently some dude driving a big car almost hit me on the crosswalk when I had right of way (and he really only missed because I was forced to step away when I realized he wasn't slowing down), and earlier today this bus driver saw me, and he opened his doors, only to close them in my face and drive off. what is this "fuck you" week?? People always shut me down. Is it because I ruin everything? suddenly I'm a nuisance? I know when I'm not wanted, and I'm realizing for the millionth time that it's always going to be like this forever. Even though I have good friends I still feel like I'm just expendable. I'd be the person who dies first in the movie. the one nobody needs.
! It's not helping that this is during finals week, but I feel like… I'm always going to be treated like a joke no matter what I do. Lately I feel like even strangers are laughing at me. When I was at the crosswalk, I got distracted by this car, so I didn't immediately realize the light had changed to green, and these two girls behind me said it and giggled. I don't know who else they could have been referring to, and it pisses me off. then something really stupid pushed me over the edge. now I don't want to do all this shitty work for finals when I'm probably going to fail in spite of my best efforts. I haven't found a job. despite knowing lots of college-age people have trouble finding jobs too, it still feels like there was some kind of fucking magical train literally everyone got on but me, and since I didn't get on that train, I'm screwed; I'm going to spend fucking forever never being remotely closer to.... to anything. man I know this sort of shit's better put into the confessions, but I've just been having a lot of bad days. maybe if I'm lucky I'll actually get hit by a car so I don't have to deal with all this responsibility I'm not equipped to handle.
Oh BFF :( It sounds like you've been having a really frustrating time. Whenever I start getting overwhelmed with negativity (which will happen just about any time I allow it to; I have a very sturdy dam though) I try to think of every possible thing I can be appreciative of - kind of like counting your blessings, as trite as that is. And not focus on how many I can come up with (because it sometimes feels like others have more and then that just leads to more negativity) but more on how I can put those good things at the forefront, mentally and emotionally.
As for not getting on the train that everyone else seems to be getting on… I know that feeling too, and I think a number of people here do as well. But being a little late for things or even just not happening to be on that track at this point in time doesn't mean you're going to have a bad future, at all. Whatever's happening right now, in your life, that's meaningful in some way or another. I kind of think that making the most out of what you have and who you are right now is a little more crucial than rushing towards a point of time in the future that you really really want to be at because you need good grades and a good job and relationships. Both are important, but sometimes we can just let the present be what it is.
@Hiroy:
I would say watermelon is my favorite juicy "flavorless" sort of snack. I mean, it has "a" flavor… but it's nowhere near as overpowering as tang/citrus/whateverthefuckit'scalled. But even then, I very rarely have watermelon or fresh fruit in general. I keep forgetting I have them and they go bad.
I loooooooooove watermelons nomnomnom
I hate when they get this weird tangy taste, like it bites into your tongue after 10 pieces or so (that's not a lot, right?), I still don't know what causes that.
@Hiroy:
It would be a relief to atleast get money in my pocket and do something other than working hard in my free time for no or inconsistent pay. Maybe even getting to the point where I can eat two or three meals a day agian, lol. But thanks. I'll keep my heads up.
All the best!!!! I hope you get a break man.
@Kitsune:
god damit dryish its spelled chile
to this day after multiple conversations about this with several different people this is still one of the things I understand the least about America. I'm actually scared to say the word chilli around Americans now because it always leads to confusing conversations