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Thread: Confession Session II

  1. #1941

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    I've been thinking about some existential stuff lately (though not in the way you might expect),
    mostly fuelled by what I describe in these tweets:

    Spoiler:




    I've felt like this for a while now, and I would love to know what's going on in my own head.
    It's happening more and more frequently. Scenes that are new, but I swear I've seen and enjoyed YEARS ago.
    And the memories themselves are very vivid and feel totally real. It kinda freaks me out when I think about it for too long.
    It just makes me think about those people who apparently remember "their past life" accurately,
    and then it makes me wonder about being able to re-live your own life to see the same things you did before.

    ---------------------------------[Youtube]-[Patreon]-[Twitter]---------------------------------

  2. #1942
    Discovered Stowaway killerbee1000's Avatar
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    Joliet, IL

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    I've been wanting to get this off my chest for a long time.

    My mother, who I love very much, suffers from Persecutory Delusional Disorder, a mental disorder defined by a person believing that he or she is being harassed, spied on, poisoned or drugged, being followed, etc. I began noticing the signs around the summer of 2007, when we lived in Connecticut. My father noticed it years earlier (they seperated in June 2009). When a car drives by out house, she thinks the driver is spying on her, when she's out driving she thinks she's being stalked if someone is driving too close to her bumper. The more bizarre delusions is her thinking that someone is coming into our house and moving items around, despite their being no physical evidence of forced entry, and she believes that she is being "gassed" by strangers and even a couple of our family members and friends. She claims that all of this started with a nasty rumor about her when we lived in Connecticut. I was hoping these delusions would go away once we moved back home to Illinois in 2012, but sadly, it hasn't changed.

    It's all but impossible trying to reason with her about it, because it always leads to us arguing. Sadly, she's not only person in my family with this illness. I have an Aunt and two Uncles (my mother's siblings) that have showed similiar signs having bizarre delusions.

    I feel powerless. I want her to seek help, but I know that she won't since she believes her delusions are real. My worst nightmare is her confronting someone and possibly becoming violent towards them, and might end up getting seriously injured or even killed. I just want my mother back.

  3. #1943

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by killerbee1000 View Post
    I've been wanting to get this off my chest for a long time.

    My mother, who I love very much, suffers from Persecutory Delusional Disorder, a mental disorder defined by a person believing that he or she is being harassed, spied on, poisoned or drugged, being followed, etc. I began noticing the signs around the summer of 2007, when we lived in Connecticut. My father noticed it years earlier (they seperated in June 2009). When a car drives by out house, she thinks the driver is spying on her, when she's out driving she thinks she's being stalked if someone is driving too close to her bumper. The more bizarre delusions is her thinking that someone is coming into our house and moving items around, despite their being no physical evidence of forced entry, and she believes that she is being "gassed" by strangers and even a couple of our family members and friends. She claims that all of this started with a nasty rumor about her when we lived in Connecticut. I was hoping these delusions would go away once we moved back home to Illinois in 2012, but sadly, it hasn't changed.

    It's all but impossible trying to reason with her about it, because it always leads to us arguing. Sadly, she's not only person in my family with this illness. I have an Aunt and two Uncles (my mother's siblings) that have showed similiar signs having bizarre delusions.

    I feel powerless. I want her to seek help, but I know that she won't since she believes her delusions are real. My worst nightmare is her confronting someone and possibly becoming violent towards them, and might end up getting seriously injured or even killed. I just want my mother back.
    I know how this can feel like, if your loved one suffers from a serious mental disease, it feels like you lost her/him forever, but that is NOT true, she is still your mother, regardless of the disease, you didn't lose her, I know it feels she is not the same as before, but belive me, if you love her and she loves you, then you still have a family, deep inside her, she knows she is your mother.

    I can totally agree with you, the feel of complete powerless is horrible, if you have any kinda of support (your father or any private/public institution) you trust and it's close to where you live, ask them for aid. Take care of her, but please, take care of you as well, don't try do do everything alone.

    Anything, talk with me, I've been through this kind of situation before.

  4. #1944
    Discovered Stowaway killerbee1000's Avatar
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    Joliet, IL

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by C_uggs View Post
    I know how this can feel like, if your loved one suffers from a serious mental disease, it feels like you lost her/him forever, but that is NOT true, she is still your mother, regardless of the disease, you didn't lose her, I know it feels she is not the same as before, but belive me, if you love her and she loves you, then you still have a family, deep inside her, she knows she is your mother.

    I can totally agree with you, the feel of complete powerless is horrible, if you have any kinda of support (your father or any private/public institution) you trust and it's close to where you live, ask them for aid. Take care of her, but please, take care of you as well, don't try do do everything alone.

    Anything, talk with me, I've been through this kind of situation before.
    Thank you, C. That really means a lot. Sadly, my support options are a bit limited.

  5. #1945
    Colin Baker Apologist Mr. Zoro's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Break-ups suck. And they suck even more when it's with someone you were with for 7 years (and even talked about marriage), and they left you for another person, after cheating on you.

    I take some solace in knowing that I did all I could to help repair the relationship (and the fact that she didn't put in as much effort should've been a sign that it wasn't going to work out). Kinda sucks some more because I wasn't clued in on problems until they were too late (this was before the cheating). She was understandably afraid to bring them up when they occurred, but she went with the philosophy of "do nothing, and wait and hope things work out in the end", which never, ever works. If I didn't know there were problems, then there was no way I could've known things weren't okay.

    Every single day I would text and send her messages, and now that I have to drop that cold turkey is incredibly hard, and it feels terribly lonely. It's like one of my limbs was violently hacked off, and I have to re-learn how to go through each day with this loss and work around it.
    She still cares a lot about me, and wanted to remain friends, but given the circumstances, that's way out of the question for now, and impossible to ask for. There's no way I could be friends with someone who cheated on me, left me for another guy, and then wants me to be friends.


    Thankfully, I've had wonderful friends who have been incredibly supportive and empathetic, and have given me some solid advice. Still, it's just hard to move on with life for a bit. I need to grieve about it. As well as process other emotions. Especially anger. This situation has left me so pissed and kinda bitter. I don't think I can forgive her just yet, but I don't want to be an angry and bitter person for the rest of my life.

    I don't want to be mopey forever, but sometimes laying in bed all day sounds just fine.

  6. #1946

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Zoro View Post
    Sad story.
    As someone who spent thirteen years in a similar sort of one-sided relationship, I think that I can understand the sort of emotions that you're going through right now. I actually ended up getting married to her, which ended in divorce after just a few years. Take it from me, at least you can be thankful that you didn't let yourself get to that point before learning that the relationship would never work.

    I also had a really hard time dealing with the overwhelming emotions after my relationship fell apart, especially anger because it was an emotion that I had relatively little experience with in any meaningful way. The anger will subside, and you will probably end up feeling down for a while after that... how long that lasts will depend on how much work you put into your recovery. It's wonderful to hear that you have supportive friends who want you to do well! Lean on them, and don't make yourself feel badly for relying on them in your time of need. Keep in mind, though, that no friend or family member can take the place of a good, objective listener. Personally, I would recommend seeking out therapy if you can manage it - for a lot of people, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can work wonders in (re)establishing good thought patterns and healthy lifestyles that will help you to elevate your mood in the long run.

    Even though this royally sucks, there's no way around it, count yourself lucky that you now have a chance to learn from the experience. When I was finally ready to start dating again, I knew exactly the kind of person and relationship that I was looking for, and in less than six months I'd found someone who was happy to be in an equitable, healthy, loving relationship with me!

    Take your time, let yourself mope, scream, cry, etc. if you need to. Also let yourself have time alone, but don't become a hermit! Make sure to keep doing things that you know you love to do, even if you don't feel much like doing anything. This, too, shall pass, and you'll be a happier, wiser, and stronger person in the end because of it.

  7. #1947
    Colin Baker Apologist Mr. Zoro's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by benjamminbrown View Post
    Helpful stuff
    Yeah, you're definitely right about it being better to have this happen now, rather than later. Some friends have discussed that with me, and I definitely would not have liked this happening later on, especially in a marriage. (Sorry to hear about your situation, by the way )

    I have applied for counseling a few weeks ago, and now I just have to wait to hear back about an opening. Unfortunately, they're pretty busy and booked for a while, but I can wait. I've been to counseling before and have learned ways to process my emotions and feel valid, and I'm thankfully not in a position where I'm emotionally unstable, to the point I can't eat (been there before a long time ago). Still, I very much plan on going through it all with a counselor.

    And you're right about learning from this, too. I've been writing things down, such as things I could've done better in our relationship (while at the same time, realizing the events that led to our downfall was not my fault), and I feel that I can properly identify some red flags if they ever come up in my future relationship(s). I'm also realizing what I don't want from a relationship, too (such as someone who refuses to handle problems until they're too late). While it's good to know, it just sucks I had to find it out in an excruciatingly painful way, and at the loss of a really good friend.

    And now, the hard part is just waiting for time to do its thing and make it less painful. I want to genuinely believe I can be just as happy (better yet, even happier) in a future relationship, but right now it's just hard to see that since it's all so very recent.

    Regardless, I'm trying to stay busy every day and finding new things to do and get into, so I at least get a little excitement out of that.

  8. #1948

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Zoro View Post
    I'm also realizing what I don't want from a relationship, too (such as someone who refuses to handle problems until they're too late).
    Sounds like you've got a better head on your shoulders at this point than I did. Keep on keepin' on, friend. You'll be fine, no... more than that. You'll be better than you were!

  9. #1949

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    so not that anyone remembers or cares, but my life has gotten a lot better nowadays. my depression and paranoia are gone to a certain extend and i stopped dwelling on every little thing that happens to me.
    but when i think back, i can't help but hate myself for being a bitch, i feel very disappointed with myself.
    especially because in here if you get depressed or scared, you're instantly called crazy and weird. theres no such thing as going to a psychologist. you just bottle those things up, maybe cry by yourself and hope that things get better. and to a certain extend that's exactly how i should've done.
    my family loves me but how can they see a man after what they've witnessed from me? how can they depend on someone who used to be paranoid and depressed?
    i hope my actions will change their prospective on me...

  10. #1950

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Hanz View Post
    so not that anyone remembers or cares, but my life has gotten a lot better nowadays. my depression and paranoia are gone to a certain extend and i stopped dwelling on every little thing that happens to me.but when i think back, i can't help but hate myself for being a bitch, i feel very disappointed with myself. especially because in here if you get depressed or scared, you're instantly called crazy and weird. theres no such thing as going to a psychologist. you just bottle those things up, maybe cry by yourself and hope that things get better. and to a certain extend that's exactly how i should've done. my family loves me but how can they see a man after what they've witnessed from me? how can they depend on someone who used to be paranoid and depressed?i hope my actions will change their prospective on me...
    I'm glad you're getting better! From what I understand you were in a bad place and it made you act in a bad way, but the fact that you got out of that is what matters. Don't forget to look at who you are now. I hope things go well for you.
    Last edited by Zar; June 16th, 2017 at 05:35 PM.

  11. #1951
    The Moustache Bandit Nolus's Avatar
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    In the moustachy shadows~

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    What do you do when depression and dysphoria gang up on you and chant things that makes you want to stab yourself, especially in parts that make you dysphoric


  12. #1952

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Nolus View Post
    What do you do when depression and dysphoria gang up on you and chant things that makes you want to stab yourself, especially in parts that make you dysphoric
    Call up someone you love and have a conversation about them, genuinely be interested in how their life is going and lose yourself in that for a moment.

    After that, get your phone, set your timer to one minute, get on the floor and do 5 sets of one minute planks. Concentrate on holding the plank and lose yourself in that.

    Once your five minutes are up, enjoy the glow of your body coming alive and do some more excercise . Once you finish work on your project,eat, watch something funny. Stretch before bed and repeat the process everyday.
    HOW COME LUFFY NEVER KILLS AN ENEMY?
    ODA:ITS BECAUSE IN THAT ERA EVERYONE USES THEIR LIVES TO FIGHT FOR THEIR DREAMS. FOR AN ENEMY WHEN THEIR DREAM HAS BEEN SHATTERED,IT IS AS PAINFUL AS DEATH,I BELIEVE FOR A PIRATE NOT TO KILL AN ENEMY , IT'S GIVING THEM A SECOND CHANCE TO FIGHT FOR THEIR DREAMS.

  13. #1953

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    My confession I guess isn't that big of a deal, to the point I hope I'm not trivializing things by posting it. My confession is I've been away from this forum for so long due to embarrassment. I joined when I was 14 back in 2005 and I slowly matured on here and it... wasn't pretty. I said many stupid things, and for a time I was even infamous I'm pretty sure. The shame grew as I matured and I've always wanted to come back, but I always fear the stigma remains...

  14. #1954
    The Die Has Been Cast Count Mario's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Buuhan1 View Post
    My confession I guess isn't that big of a deal, to the point I hope I'm not trivializing things by posting it. My confession is I've been away from this forum for so long due to embarrassment. I joined when I was 14 back in 2005 and I slowly matured on here and it... wasn't pretty. I said many stupid things, and for a time I was even infamous I'm pretty sure. The shame grew as I matured and I've always wanted to come back, but I always fear the stigma remains...
    Don't worry about it, although that might not mean much since we've never interacted before lol. I've been through that myself. Not on this forum, but the first few forums I tried a hand at several years ago when I first became a teenager. I learned all sorts of lessons about humility, facts, debating, etc. This would often result in me leaving these forums, usually some time after the point that a lot of the hype has died down around a new product finally being released (they were video game forums). I would look at joining new forum communities as a way to "redeem" myself by adopting a new identity that didn't have previous associations with past events tied to it. Which was advantageous, but also naive since you can't instantly change who you are and certain tendencies are bound to repeat if you pretend they don't exist. All that proved to be was an ineffective means of escapism from the truth about who I am rather than actual progress. Which meant that I had to confront myself and adapt to beneficial changes. Changes that I earnestly sought for myself and not shallow conforming approval, and I took much example from watching members who act admirably and understand why/how they do so. Doing this, along with personal developments in real life, allowed me to become better, establish more self-esteem, help out other forumers more, and makes the experience of foruming all the more enjoyable.

    What matters above all else is that you grew, and not only that, but you were OPEN to growing as you recognized your mistakes. Having flaws is innate in all of us, and what truly determines the integrity of our character is how we acknowledge and/or overcome these flaws. Nobody is perfect from the start, and nobody really should be since that's really boring. It's how we rise up when we struggle to aim for a better path that is inspiring. Fearing the idea that people may remember and harbor ill will towards you is completely relatable, but that's moreso the spotlight effect influencing your psychology. Time heals many wounds and... this is a forum. People aren't likely to hold grudges over trivial disputes that go wrong, and the community is very levelheaded and compassionate here. Unless you committed some really heinous things on an ethical level, people should be willing to give you a second chance if they see that you have changed by realizing the error of your previous ways.

    All in all, you're human. So are we. Which is why we should help each other to get along and enhance our knowledge if we're open to doing so.

    Spoiler:
    "Life's not about finding out which card is yours, but finding out which cards you're not."

  15. #1955

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Buuhan1 View Post
    I said many stupid things, and for a time I was even infamous.
    We've had worse, but at any rate you're back.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ubiq View Post
    I've often wondered about that myself; seems like being supported by people who only want you there so the world can end in fire (with you going to Hell in the process) would be somewhat off-putting
    3DS Friend Code 0044-2806-5284




  16. #1956

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Dude, the memory of your text-to-speech One Piece dubs still makes me laugh to this day.

    "My name is Buggy The Clown and I am really really gay."

    ---------------------------------[Youtube]-[Patreon]-[Twitter]---------------------------------

  17. #1957
    User of the Gumdrop Rifle Rocko52's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Count Mario View Post
    Don't worry about it, although that might not mean much since we've never interacted before lol. I've been through that myself. Not on this forum, but the first few forums I tried a hand at several years ago when I first became a teenager. I learned all sorts of lessons about humility, facts, debating, etc. This would often result in me leaving these forums, usually some time after the point that a lot of the hype has died down around a new product finally being released (they were video game forums). I would look at joining new forum communities as a way to "redeem" myself by adopting a new identity that didn't have previous associations with past events tied to it. Which was advantageous, but also naive since you can't instantly change who you are and certain tendencies are bound to repeat if you pretend they don't exist. All that proved to be was an ineffective means of escapism from the truth about who I am rather than actual progress. Which meant that I had to confront myself and adapt to beneficial changes. Changes that I earnestly sought for myself and not shallow conforming approval, and I took much example from watching members who act admirably and understand why/how they do so. Doing this, along with personal developments in real life, allowed me to become better, establish more self-esteem, help out other forumers more, and makes the experience of foruming all the more enjoyable.

    What matters above all else is that you grew, and not only that, but you were OPEN to growing as you recognized your mistakes. Having flaws is innate in all of us, and what truly determines the integrity of our character is how we acknowledge and/or overcome these flaws. Nobody is perfect from the start, and nobody really should be since that's really boring. It's how we rise up when we struggle to aim for a better path that is inspiring. Fearing the idea that people may remember and harbor ill will towards you is completely relatable, but that's moreso the spotlight effect influencing your psychology. Time heals many wounds and... this is a forum. People aren't likely to hold grudges over trivial disputes that go wrong, and the community is very levelheaded and compassionate here. Unless you committed some really heinous things on an ethical level, people should be willing to give you a second chance if they see that you have changed by realizing the error of your previous ways.

    All in all, you're human. So are we. Which is why we should help each other to get along and enhance our knowledge if we're open to doing so.
    I can definitely relate to this haha. That reminds me of my time on several forums over the years & looking back on old posts in some places can be...not pretty haha. But everyone has regrets & embarrassment about things they were or did when they were young & even while older. It's never too late to have a new start - especially with silly online mistakes in your youth.

  18. #1958

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Recently I noticed one thing.. I don't hate myself anymore..This blowed my mind last night. I thought I would have low self esteem for the rest of my life, that it would push me down forever. But yeah, now I can see myself in the mirror without hating on how I look. Sure, AP was part of this personal conquest and I thank you all.

    Now, I have to face new stuff, but with my confidence, nothing is impossible.

    This is a HUGE improvement in my life.. If only my mom was here to see this........
    Last edited by C_uggs; July 23rd, 2017 at 09:02 AM.
    When AP used to be good:

    NEVER FORGET !!

  19. #1959

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by C_uggs View Post
    Recently I noticed one thing.. I don't hate myself anymore..This blowed my mind last night. I thought I would have low self esteem for the rest of my life, that it would push me down forever. But yeah, now I can see myself in the mirror without hating on how I look. Sure, AP was part of this personal conquest and I thank you all.

    Now, I have to face new stuff, but with my confidence, nothing is impossible.

    This is a HUGE improvement in my life.. If only my mom was here to see this........
    That's really cool to hear dude.
    The thing no one wants to hear, especially in the middle of these sorts of things, is that the cure doesn't happened over night. And its most likely how you describe it, like something you just suddenly realize has been true for awhile without you noticing. Point is though, not overnight, but it does happened.

  20. #1960

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    The cure comes with self learning, but it may take years to get self confidence in your looks and capabilities. Self learning will eventually happen naturally, as you pass life's inumerous trials.


    One day you will wake up and notice how much you have grown, and how far you have walked.

    Not overnight indeed.
    Last edited by C_uggs; July 25th, 2017 at 09:37 PM.
    When AP used to be good:

    NEVER FORGET !!

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