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Thread: Confession Session II

  1. #2101

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Captain Krupp View Post
    She was a terrible person. You are better off without her. Good Riddance!
    Yeah, she is. The hard part is the fact that I was a bit attached and felt close, it be a while before I be able to move on. At least I have therapy every week. (With three different therapists.)

  2. #2102

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by starlalilymoon View Post
    I was not sure where to put this, it was either here or the LGBT thread. But on Friday day, I basically got betrayed by a person I thought was my best friend. She banned me from her Twitch stream chat for no reason, I thought it was her friend that did it because he hates me. I then decided to log off, and I saw the chat and she basically was talking shit about me calling me creepy and misusing the wrong pronouns. (I'm transgender male to female.) So, basically she pretended to be my friend and now I have major trust issues because of this incident.

    If she wanted me to leave her alone, she should have said so. Honestly, it seems there was transphobia involved, and it feels like since I am trans, any of my actions would considered creepy, but I don't know, just theorizing. I'm really heart broken about it too and it has been a rough thing going through causing all the way to attempted suicide that failed. Even if I stayed as a "boy", it wouldn't make a difference between my biology is more intersex than anything, so I lose either way.

    I just wish I had the nerve to just kill myself, but I can't because I'm scared of death even with attempts. It's just that life keeps fucking with me, and it's already hard enough that I lack proper social skills and common sense. Sure I get straight As, but it don't do be no good if I suck with communicating socially. I already have PTSD because of childhood trauma where I suffered sexual, emotional and physical abuse. Life is so damn hard sometimes, I just don't understand humans, I really don't.

    Jesus that's fucking terrible.

    Not only does everybody deserve to not be treated like that, everybody should be able to have SOME level of trust with a friend.

    As Captain Krupp said, you're better off without them. But that being said, it's only after being seriously hurt and i hindsight you figure that shit out. And that really, really sucks. And I'm sorry you have to deal with such needless stupidity and hate.


    My twin brother committed suicide 6 years ago, this month. Nothing related to what you're going through, but by any inclination of the idea of what happens to everyone on any level of interaction with you after something like that, I understand it.


    Please reach out to some mental health professional if you're feeling this way. Even if you're saying you don't "think" you would do it, the fact that you're here talking about it proves you need to talk to someone. And as much as I, and other members here would love to tell you everything we can to make you feel better, mental health is often like having a computer issue.

    You can detail to multiple people the issue you're having, be as specific as you can, but sometimes not find the solution you want because you're dealing with a unique PC problem with a unique issue happening on a program with an issue that seems to only be effecting you during a specific task.

    And it may take an extremely long time to troubleshoot and solve that issue. And you may get even more frustrated while traveling the route to find the solution. But you don't get to one unless you try, and more importantly seek help in the right places. You can ask a bunch of nerds about a computer issue, while they all chime in on their personal experiences, but it will pale in comparison to the advice of someone in a career in troubleshooting and fixing issues.


    Same thing with mental health. So please at least consider talking to some professional in therapy or other areas of mental health for the trauma you've been dealing with.

    We can all have bad days, and rant about things. But based on what you've said I'd really love to hear that you've gone to someone who can REALLY help you feel better and help you deal with a shit situation like what you've been through.
    Quote Originally Posted by Monkey King View Post
    A magical strange Twilight Zone episode where no other education is offered, and the only option is Bill Nye the Science Guy videos

  3. #2103
    The Moustache Bandit Nolus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Remember, that people can betray you and shatter your trust despite you having done nothing wrong. Humans can be viciously evil and uncaring sometimes, and it's especially difficult to work through these experiences when it's a supposed friend, who caused you such pain.
    I've lost friends in the past who basically kicked me while I was down, and I can still remember feeling like a piece of shit undeserving of love. It took some time and many a talk with my psychiatrist to get to a place where I am miles more confident in my self-worth than before. It takes work, but it's absolutely possible, and I'm glad to hear you have professionals helping you.
    I just want to know that one person's shittiness does not define you. It's not a black mark on your "self-worth" card. You are a lovable human being and being trans or intersex doesn't change that. Keep living your truth and endure the hardships life throws at you. Nothing to do but take it one step at a time.


  4. #2104

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Thank you Satsuki and Captain Krupp for your input. I forgot to mention that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Md-Martin View Post
    Jesus that's fucking terrible.

    Not only does everybody deserve to not be treated like that, everybody should be able to have SOME level of trust with a friend.
    Yeah, I trusted her completely, and she broke it 100%.

    As Captain Krupp said, you're better off without them. But that being said, it's only after being seriously hurt and i hindsight you figure that shit out. And that really, really sucks. And I'm sorry you have to deal with such needless stupidity and hate.
    Yeah :/

    My twin brother committed suicide 6 years ago, this month. Nothing related to what you're going through, but by any inclination of the idea of what happens to everyone on any level of interaction with you after something like that, I understand it.
    Yeah.. I'm sorry to hear about what happened with your brother.

    Please reach out to some mental health professional if you're feeling this way. Even if you're saying you don't "think" you would do it, the fact that you're here talking about it proves you need to talk to someone. And as much as I, and other members here would love to tell you everything we can to make you feel better, mental health is often like having a computer issue.

    You can detail to multiple people the issue you're having, be as specific as you can, but sometimes not find the solution you want because you're dealing with a unique PC problem with a unique issue happening on a program with an issue that seems to only be effecting you during a specific task.

    And it may take an extremely long time to troubleshoot and solve that issue. And you may get even more frustrated while traveling the route to find the solution. But you don't get to one unless you try, and more importantly seek help in the right places. You can ask a bunch of nerds about a computer issue, while they all chime in on their personal experiences, but it will pale in comparison to the advice of someone in a career in troubleshooting and fixing issues.


    Same thing with mental health. So please at least consider talking to some professional in therapy or other areas of mental health for the trauma you've been dealing with.
    Yes, I contacted all three of my therapists asking for an earlier appointment for this week to talk about this whole situation. I like the analogy, it makes a lot of sense, especially since I'm a programmer.

    We can all have bad days, and rant about things. But based on what you've said I'd really love to hear that you've gone to someone who can REALLY help you feel better and help you deal with a shit situation like what you've been through.
    Yeah, thank you for your advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nolus View Post
    Remember, that people can betray you and shatter your trust despite you having done nothing wrong. Humans can be viciously evil and uncaring sometimes, and it's especially difficult to work through these experiences when it's a supposed friend, who caused you such pain.
    I've lost friends in the past who basically kicked me while I was down, and I can still remember feeling like a piece of shit undeserving of love. It took some time and many a talk with my psychiatrist to get to a place where I am miles more confident in my self-worth than before. It takes work, but it's absolutely possible, and I'm glad to hear you have professionals helping you.
    I just want to know that one person's shittiness does not define you. It's not a black mark on your "self-worth" card. You are a lovable human being and being trans or intersex doesn't change that. Keep living your truth and endure the hardships life throws at you. Nothing to do but take it one step at a time.
    Yeah, I understand. It's really hard for me to see that I'm lovable and people like me. Especially with a family who mostly wants nothing to do with me for various reasons, like being into witchcraft/paganism or being trans. They always looked down on me. Thank you for your input.

  5. #2105
    Here we are, Windy summer! Oddball's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Hidden:
    Recently came to terms with the fact that I'm bi. I'm in my late twenties and it feels weird that it took so long. Is it weird, though? The reason why is because I always thought it was a phase and that I didn't qualify as being bi since I never dated a girl, only men. After doing research, I found out that my dating history doesn't matter as long as I'm attracted to both men and women, which is the case. I always liked men and women since junior high, so around 13-14-years old. My first girl crush was my principal (strangely enough), as well as a few other female classmates I had over the years throughout my schooling. However, I always had a preference for men.

    My last girl crush was on someone from my Japanese language class back in community college. I don't recall having any significant girl crushes (outside of anime characters) since then. At first, I thought it was just a phase, so I always suppressed my feelings. Now, I find out that I didn't stop liking girls, I just have an attraction to very specific types which are very rare to me. I'm still trying to figure that out.

    For personal reasons, I can't see myself dating another girl, unless it would be an asexual-type of relationship. Is that weird? Bodily fluids and all forms of genitalia always disgusted me. I can't see myself having sex with someone besides the guy I'm dating, because of that. Also, I never look at porn or hentai for the same reason.

    So far, the only person I ever came out to is my boyfriend. He was very happy, in fact, it feels like it made us even closer. I could never come out to my parents or friends who I fear would "out" me, even by accident. I plan to tell my trans nonbinary friend about it next time I see them after the quarantine is officially over. I'm feeling a bit relieved that I can confess my true feelings anonymously.

    Sorry if my confession is unorganized or weird, I just needed to vent and I'm still trying to figure myself out.

    Also, today, I ordered a cute bi dragon enamel pin from an online store called ChaobunnyArts. It's my first pride merch ever. It's so cute I couldn't resist!
    Check out my cute Etsy store
    Please read my webtoon Truffle Cat Cafe


  6. #2106
    The Moustache Bandit Nolus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Oddball View Post
    Hidden:
    Recently came to terms with the fact that I'm bi. I'm in my late twenties and it feels weird that it took so long. Is it weird, though? The reason why is because I always thought it was a phase and that I didn't qualify as being bi since I never dated a girl, only men. After doing research, I found out that my dating history doesn't matter as long as I'm attracted to both men and women, which is the case. I always liked men and women since junior high, so around 13-14-years old. My first girl crush was my principal (strangely enough), as well as a few other female classmates I had over the years throughout my schooling. However, I always had a preference for men.

    My last girl crush was on someone from my Japanese language class back in community college. I don't recall having any significant girl crushes (outside of anime characters) since then. At first, I thought it was just a phase, so I always suppressed my feelings. Now, I find out that I didn't stop liking girls, I just have an attraction to very specific types which are very rare to me. I'm still trying to figure that out.

    For personal reasons, I can't see myself dating another girl, unless it would be an asexual-type of relationship. Is that weird? Bodily fluids and all forms of genitalia always disgusted me. I can't see myself having sex with someone besides the guy I'm dating, because of that. Also, I never look at porn or hentai for the same reason.

    So far, the only person I ever came out to is my boyfriend. He was very happy, in fact, it feels like it made us even closer. I could never come out to my parents or friends who I fear would "out" me, even by accident. I plan to tell my trans nonbinary friend about it next time I see them after the quarantine is officially over. I'm feeling a bit relieved that I can confess my true feelings anonymously.

    Sorry if my confession is unorganized or weird, I just needed to vent and I'm still trying to figure myself out.

    Also, today, I ordered a cute bi dragon enamel pin from an online store called ChaobunnyArts. It's my first pride merch ever. It's so cute I couldn't resist!
    Have you heard about the Kinsey scale? It's a pretty handy thing that kind of reformed what I thought about hetero-, homo- ,and most importantly, bisexuality.

    I myself usually identify as a gay man, but there are times (albeit pretty rare) when a woman piques my interest. It's not really enough for me to call myself bisexual, but I'm not overly concerned about it. Gay describes me well enough, and when it comes up, I'm not afraid to admit my attractions.

    Also, it's never too late to discover something about yourself. Don't let others and labels decide what's best for you. Labels are like humans, imperfect~


  7. #2107

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Oddball View Post
    Hidden:
    Recently came to terms with the fact that I'm bi. I'm in my late twenties and it feels weird that it took so long. Is it weird, though? The reason why is because I always thought it was a phase and that I didn't qualify as being bi since I never dated a girl, only men. After doing research, I found out that my dating history doesn't matter as long as I'm attracted to both men and women, which is the case. I always liked men and women since junior high, so around 13-14-years old. My first girl crush was my principal (strangely enough), as well as a few other female classmates I had over the years throughout my schooling. However, I always had a preference for men.

    My last girl crush was on someone from my Japanese language class back in community college. I don't recall having any significant girl crushes (outside of anime characters) since then. At first, I thought it was just a phase, so I always suppressed my feelings. Now, I find out that I didn't stop liking girls, I just have an attraction to very specific types which are very rare to me. I'm still trying to figure that out.

    For personal reasons, I can't see myself dating another girl, unless it would be an asexual-type of relationship. Is that weird? Bodily fluids and all forms of genitalia always disgusted me. I can't see myself having sex with someone besides the guy I'm dating, because of that. Also, I never look at porn or hentai for the same reason.

    So far, the only person I ever came out to is my boyfriend. He was very happy, in fact, it feels like it made us even closer. I could never come out to my parents or friends who I fear would "out" me, even by accident. I plan to tell my trans nonbinary friend about it next time I see them after the quarantine is officially over. I'm feeling a bit relieved that I can confess my true feelings anonymously.

    Sorry if my confession is unorganized or weird, I just needed to vent and I'm still trying to figure myself out.

    Also, today, I ordered a cute bi dragon enamel pin from an online store called ChaobunnyArts. It's my first pride merch ever. It's so cute I couldn't resist!
    Yeah, we keep exploring our sexuality. I didn't found out I was bisexual/pansexual till I was around age 20. Though my family never really let me explore my sexuality when I was younger and that's probably why. I'm transgender male to female, so because of the past I still struggle with the fact that's it's okay to be attracted to males or even date one. I don't have to be with a female basically.

    Like Nolus said there is the Kinsey scale which shows sexuality on a scale. Like with me I tend to be more attracted to females, but I really like femboys or more specifically boys that crossdress and look just like a girl but identify as a male basically. So, just be you! It's okay to be you and who you are attracted too!

    Quote Originally Posted by Nolus View Post
    Have you heard about the Kinsey scale? It's a pretty handy thing that kind of reformed what I thought about hetero-, homo- ,and most importantly, bisexuality.

    I myself usually identify as a gay man, but there are times (albeit pretty rare) when a woman piques my interest. It's not really enough for me to call myself bisexual, but I'm not overly concerned about it. Gay describes me well enough, and when it comes up, I'm not afraid to admit my attractions.

    Also, it's never too late to discover something about yourself. Don't let others and labels decide what's best for you. Labels are like humans, imperfect~
    Yeah, the Kinsey scale is pretty cool. I tend to range more towards liking females than males, though I seem to flirt more with males than females, which is weird a bit, I guess.

  8. #2108
    The Moustache Bandit Nolus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Lately I've been thinking a lot about how relationships work, mainly how they start. I've been debating in myself if I have the wrong mentality.

    You see, I'm pretty proud of what I've achieved during these past few years, and if it weren't for that impostor syndrome, I'd be more willing to admit that I've become a cool and lovable person in the process. I'd maybe venture and say that I'm also smart and have an affinity to solving my own problems (with or without outside help). All in all, I'm in a neat place right now, and I do think I'm ready for a wholesome relationship.

    Thing is, I feel like I've set the bar too high for my potential partner (which opinion is also shared by my close friend) and that hinders my ability to find one. On the other hand, I don't think it's necessarily useful to force myself to interact with people I haven't really taken a liking to or that made bad impressions on me during online chat or face-to-face conversations. I'd rather be happily single and occasionally get lonely a bit than trying to force myself into liking someone that makes me uncomfortable.

    It's not like I don't find guys that interest me, it's that they mostly aren't interested or taken. Sometimes I discover a compatibility issue early on (the whole top-bottom-versatile debate). Other times they get right into sexual stuff at the beginning which makes me quite uncomfortable and I'm unable to continue the conversation from there.

    It all feels like being a piece of a puzzle and trying to find someone corresponding to me somehow. I'm just unsure if my expectations are too high, or I just haven't encountered the right person yet.


  9. #2109

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    I have a crush on my second cousin.

  10. #2110

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Yoshioka View Post
    I have a crush on my second cousin.
    That's cool. Did you tell her?

  11. #2111

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by starlalilymoon View Post
    That's cool. Did you tell her?
    Yeah, when I was a teenager.

  12. #2112

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Yoshioka View Post
    Yeah, when I was a teenager.
    Ah, oki. What did she say?

  13. #2113

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by starlalilymoon View Post
    Ah, oki. What did she say?
    She let me down gently.

  14. #2114

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Yoshioka View Post
    She let me down gently.
    Oh, okay. I gotcha.

  15. #2115
    Here we are, Windy summer! Oddball's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Nolus View Post
    Have you heard about the Kinsey scale? It's a pretty handy thing that kind of reformed what I thought about hetero-, homo- ,and most importantly, bisexuality.
    Quote Originally Posted by starlalilymoon View Post
    Like Nolus said there is the Kinsey scale which shows sexuality on a scale. Like with me I tend to be more attracted to females, but I really like femboys or more specifically boys that crossdress and look just like a girl but identify as a male basically. So, just be you! It's okay to be you and who you are attracted too.
    I'm pretty aware of it. I'm actually uncomfortable Googling anything that has to do with Alfred Kinsley. There was a TV documentary about him that I saw a while back, it's about how he sexually exploited children to see how they respond to certain things, I'd rather not go into details. The stuff he did was so sick that I had to pause the video 3 times to collect myself. It's frightening how people can get away with anything in the name of "science" (not that I'm against science, I just hate all the suffering it has caused some people because of morbid curiosity). Not to put a damper on your suggestions, I do honestly appreciate them.
    Check out my cute Etsy store
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  16. #2116

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Oddball View Post
    I'm pretty aware of it. I'm actually uncomfortable Googling anything that has to do with Alfred Kinsley. There was a TV documentary about him that I saw a while back, it's about how he sexually exploited children to see how they respond to certain things, I'd rather not go into details. The stuff he did was so sick that I had to pause the video 3 times to collect myself. It's frightening how people can get away with anything in the name of "science" (not that I'm against science, I just hate all the suffering it has caused some people because of morbid curiosity). Not to put a damper on your suggestions, I do honestly appreciate them.
    Now, that I think about it, I knew there was some scientist that did something similar to this, AKA sexually abusing children to see how they respond to certain things, which he then used to coin the term "gender" and make it different from the word "sex."

  17. #2117
    Discovered Stowaway The D.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session II

    I bought a nearly three hundred dollar custom lightsaber and now I feel like shit because of it. I get paid in a week and had some extra money so I bought something I've wanted for a while. But I'm feeling incredibly guilty for spending so much money on something so stupid and frivolous.
    Gonna give ya the D.!

  18. #2118
    The English Avenger Satsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Is this your first guilty-pleasure gift in a while? If so, then don't feel bad about it.

  19. #2119
    Discovered Stowaway The D.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Satsuki View Post
    Is this your first guilty-pleasure gift in a while? If so, then don't feel bad about it.
    It's the most money I've spent on myself by a huge margin. I did by a video game recently as well though. All my bills are paid, and I even gave my mother money for her bills the same day I ordered the lightsaber. I just have a difficult time justifying that much money on myself. Goes back to my ridiculous self-loathing I suppose.
    Gonna give ya the D.!

  20. #2120

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by The D. View Post
    But I'm feeling incredibly guilty for spending so much money on something so stupid and frivolous.
    It doesn't get much worse than what I did.

    I was VERY into a certain Pokémon IOS app in 2018.
    Me and my friend would sink hours into it every day.

    You know those horror stories you hear about, where people waste lots of money on addictive pay-2-win apps?
    I would definitely qualify for one of those stories. I was frighteningly addicted.
    I spent roughly $4200 on the in-game bonuses and boosts.

    Here's a brief peek at some of my receipts...

    Hidden:


    As you can see, April ALONE was $1807...
    I eventually escaped the addiction, but I'll forever be ashamed that I pissed away all that money on some stupid mobile game just because I could.

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